Chapter Text
god is dead (8:23am)
ronaldson: szdfgahkjgj help
ronaldson: im diugng
ronaldson: soenone kill me
percifullofshit: Ron, what the fuck.
percifullofshit: Wait.
percifullofshit: Who the fuck changed my name?
georgathy: language percival!
georgathy: ronniekins are you alive
ginifred: the new roomie got here today
ginifred: as you can see, ron is handling it well
ronaldson: NO ONE WAMRNEID ME HE WA S CUTE
percifullofshit: You worried me at 8:30 in the morning because you’re having another gay panic?
percifullofshit : Wait.
ronaldson: aww perce you were worried about me waiT I DONT HAVE TJIME FOR THES WHT THE FUCK DO I OD
billiam: Might i suggest, talking to him?
billiam: Also, please reserve gay panics to the hours of 10am to 3am on weekends kiddos
georgathy: there’s gay panic office hours now fuck
fredward: time 2 ignore them jst lyk rl office hrs!!!1!
ginifred: fredrick fabian weasley i swear to god if you dont start typing like a human being i am going to drop kick you into the sun
ginifred: and no, percy, i dont need you to tell me thats not how dropkicking works. i am Aware.
ronaldson: GUSY
ronaldson: HLEP
ginifred: just text your fucking friends and let the rest of us sleep omfg
percifullofshit: It is nearly 9am, and you have practice at noon.
ginifred: i fail to see your point
ronaldson: IS NONE GONNAT TELL ME WHAHT TO DO
charlathan: so we’re just Ignoring Ron’s mental breakdown, then?
charlathan: i’m down with that, just wanted to make sure we’re all in agreement
charlathan: not that it matters to me, im walking into work now
billiam: I will deal with it at 10am.
billiam: Nevermind
billiam: Fleur says that if i don’t play big brother, i have to cook dinner tonight. she also says hi.
fredward: hi fleur!1! :)
ginifred: im disowning you
percifullofshit: I’ve tried. In this family, it doesn’t stick.
georgathy: thank u for bringing us all back to that traumatic part of our lives perce
georgathy: i nearly forgot about it for a second there
billiam: ANYWAY Ron! Roommate details!!!
ronaldson: hes v cute. his name is harry. short. plays footie, supports pudlemere
ginifred: lol sucks to suck ronnie boy
ronaldson: i thot u went to sleep
ginifred: well i’m invested now. what’s he look like?
ronaldson: black hair, green eyes, glasses. cute. i think my brain short sircutted
ronaldson: wait thats not how u spell that is it
percifullofshit: Circuited. It’s okay, at least you tried.
ronaldson: thanks perc
ronaldson: his parents are v nice and so is his uncle. theyre pretty to, its not fair
fredward: idk i think our parents are pretty.
ginifred: OH THANK GOD
percifullofshit: Fred, holy shit.
fredward: i’m trying to be considerate stfu
fredward: ronnie bring him round the shop!
ronaldson: i literally haven’t said more than one word to him.
ronaldson: i said “hi my name is ron” and ran away
ronaldson: i’m hiding in nevs room like a coward. no one tell mione
georgathy: i am absolutely telling hermione this
georgathy: i will dig up her number from the depths of my contact list for it
fredward: the txt conversation you had 3 days ago about the possible reaction of baking soda and lemon juice?
georgathy: THE DEPTHS OF MY CONTACT LIST
percifullofshit: As delightful as this conversation is, I’ve just arrive at my office.
percifullofshit: Oh, for the love of God. Someone please change my name back.
billiam changed percifer’s name!
billiam: Enjoy your day at work!
billiam: Ron is your gay panic over
ronaldson: for now. nev and i are going to brekfest.
ronaldson : breakfast* who turned off my autocorrect, seriously lol
billiam: Good. I’m going back to sleep. No one text me unless someone is crying or dead
ginifred: sleep sounds good. bye fuckerz.
georgathy: I GUESS i’ll do actual work instead of leaving it to the employees
fredward: gud bc ang just quit roflololol
georgathy: WHAT
charlathan (10:45am): damn. i miss all the fun.
---
queer boy workers union (9:00am)
whoreticulture : DEANMAS
whoreticulture: COME TO BREAKFAST
deanthomass: wtf is a deamus
irishwristwatch: Mate if you think ur getting me out of bed before noon after last night ur crazy
whoreticulture: Ok my bad for assuming you wanna see Ron having a Gay Panic(™)
irishwristwatch: Be there in 10
irishwristwatch: @deanthomass Its his dumb shorthand for both of us keep up idiot
deanthomass: ew i hate it
deanthomass: is ron panicking over hermione dating that krum kid again?
deanthomass: cuz as funny as that was i do not want to deal with it again
deanthomass: like we get it youre bi
roonilwazlib: OKAY FIRST OF ALL FUCK YOU
roonilwazlib: 2nd of all fuck you but quieter this time
roonilwazlib: 3rd of all i dont even have a crush on mione OR krum anymore so jot that down
whoreticulture: Apparently his new roommate is cute and its crisis worthy
roonilwazlib: i have to LIVE with him nev
roonilwazlib: how the FUC K am i supposed to live with him and not fall in love with him???
deanthomass: lmao mood (message deleted)
deanthomass: fuck kms
roonilwazlib: DEAN AIOAHF/gjsa
whoreticulture : OH MY GDO
irishwristwatch: Wait what did it say
deanthomass: never you mind
deanthomass: see you all at breakfast bye
irishwristwatch: …Ok…
---
Seamus > Dean (9:13am)
shay: U ok mate?
dean <3: yh im fine dw
dean <3: just sent a message to the wrong chat lmao
shay: U sure ur ok?
dean <3: yes! why??
shay: Nothing just overthinking smth you said i think
shay : U know ur my favorite person rite?
shay: BFFAEEWWDAEUIHFBQ
dean <3: shay. what the hell does that mean.
shay: Best Friends Forever And Ever Even When We Die And End Up In Hell For Being Queer
dean <3: youre a fucking dork.
dean <3: hurry up, i wanna watch ron suffer
shay: Ashjdfhjklg I’m coming hold onnnn
---
Big Happy Family (11:38am)
Wormtail: So how was move in day?!
Prongslet: It was fine, roommates weird tho
Moony: Weird?
Padfoot: lmaoooo you shouldve seen it
Padfoot: took one look at harry and couldnt get out of the room fast enough
Prongs: “Uh, hi, yes my name is Ron. Sorry I have a class right now, bye!”
Prongs: And then just… poof
Wormtail: That doesn’t sound weird?
Wormtail: You’re at a uni, classes are normal!
Prongslet: at 9am on a saturday???
Wormtail: Fair point. Carry on.
Moony: I didn’t even have classes on Saturdays when I was doing my doctorate, Pete.
Lilyflower: Boys don’t be mean.
Lilyflower: I’m sure he was just nervous.
Lilyflower: If I recall correctly, you passed out when you met Remus for the first time @Padfoot
Padfoot: ,,, in my defense i was supremely malnourished and dehydrated and i passed out a lot then
Padfoot: the presence of a beautiful man just made the timing all the more apt
Prongslet: The more i hear about your life before you met dad the more worried i get
Prongslet: Hey siri, how do i stop worrying about my fuvking godfather’s tragic backstory
Padfoot: worry not pup! that was the past and this is the now!
Padfoot: stop texting us! go and meet people! youre starting SCHOOL this is supposed to be the time when you meet people
Prongslet: i thought school was for education
Lilyflower: Yes, that too. Go make some friends, love. We’ll catch up at dinner.
Prongslet: Okay mum
Prongslet: Loveyouallbye
Wormtail: Awful silent over there, Prongs.
Lilyflower: Oh, he’s too busy crying.
Prongs: THEY GROW UP SO FAST
Prongs: I MISS HIM ALREADY
Prongs: I LOVE HIM SO MUCH
Lilyflower: We know, James.
Padfoot: we know james
Wormtail: We know, James :((
Moony: We know, James
Prongs: Well fuck you guys too >:(