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The idea of soulmates was interesting, especially to Sam. For as long as Sam Wilson has known, a soulmate has been there. Waiting, longing. Maybe even rusting in a corner in the world.
A soulmate was someone to cherish. To love. Of course, his mark was confusing as heck. It was a single name: Winter Soldier. The name tugged at his mind at night, the name stirred in the back of his brain. Is this a band? A person? It had to be a soldier, that's for sure. He used to have another soulmate.
Sam always thought his soulmate was a woman. Because that's what his father went through, and his mates in the army.
Well, until he joined the army. With Riley, his soul mark was different. It had Riley's name on it, Riley had his name. He was bisexual, he figured that out pretty quickly. Riley would hold his hand in their army tent when he'd get scared of the sound of bombs or cuddle with him, just because he felt like it. Riley was everything. Riley was his soulmate.
Until Riley died, he expected there to be no soul mark on his arm. He was wrong. The instant he saw Riley go up in flames and the moment his heart tore in two, his arm was burning. Lord, it felt like an angel's tears weeping on his skin. The world didn't stop giving him a platter of conflict.
That's when he found the name, as he watched Riley tumble, down, down, down into the earth. Sam screamed into the endless sky for Riley. His soulmate did not respond. He awakens in the middle of the night sometimes, thinking, I don't want another soulmate. He thought Riley was a platonic soulmate, that's when he looked over their actions and realised it wasn't. Riley was always meant to be his romantic little stroll in the park.
He didn't know that he could end up with a man. He doesn't know if he wants a man.
He told Sarah he feels like he's cheated the system, how he's been granted another soulmate after his one burst up into flames. "Sam," she reassured, "everyone loses someone they love."
"I know...it's just, what about a woman?" he asked softly, staring out the window as the oceans crashed on top of each other.
"Sam, there's nothing wrong with having a man–"
"There is!" he snapped - he sighed, sinking his hands into his face. "I'm sorry, Sar, I just – I miss Riley," he choked. "I don't want another soulmate! I want Riley, Sarah. I want Riley." Then, he began to cry. Thick, warm tears streaming down his face...
Nothing could replace Riley. He knew that. Riley was dead and gone - all he had left was his grave. He clutched his new mark like it was a disgusting tattoo and sobbed into his arm. Sarah's face softened. She walked over and wrapped her comforting arms around her brother.
"Sam," she said softly "I'm going to be here for you, okay?"
He nodded, grateful for her warm embrace. When the night comes, Sam stares into the mirror. He stares at his mark in disgust sometimes. Sometimes, he thinks about what kind of smile this person will have - or the kind of music they listen to. That keeps him going. That makes him hope for his future. Until the nagging thought at the back of his mind tingles. What if I lose them too?
The Winter Soldier hated his mark. It was too vague. Captain America. It was September 23, 1978, when he received that mark.
The day Sam Wilson was born. The thing was, James didn't know it was Sam Wilson he was looking for. It wasn't until he landed on top of a car and ripped out the steering wheel from the inside. He studied Captain America, he studied Steve Rogers. The blue eyes and blond hair, childhood friend bullshit wasn't selling him about soulmates. He saw Steve Roger's arm, it didn't have his name on it.
That wasn't his soulmate, he knew it. There had to be another Captain America in the world. There had to be. Shot after shot, body after body - he was tired. Tired of going war after war. Constant fighting did torment to his mind. Until he met Sam.
He felt no conflict with Sam. He felt at peace. His mind was messed up, for sure. Until Wakanda. He restored his own sense of self, some-what and felt at home. He and Sam spent time together, working together and battle after battle, Bucky grew fond of the man. Sam had shown a few people his soul mark, he rarely talks about it. He's talked about Riley. He hasn't told him who his soulmate was.
It was a dark night, it was cold on his wooden floor. He was thinking about Sam, again. How pretty his eyes were, how his smile made him smile.
Sam: Can't sleep.
Sam: My arm hurts.
Bucky knows what he's saying about his arm. His right arm, that has the mysterious soul mark on it. Sometimes Sam scratches it or puts too much weight on it.
Bucky: Be careful
Bucky: I don't want you getting hurt.
That was the last time they would talk through text.
He knew Sam was his soulmate. The instant he saw Steve pass the shield to him, his stomach and heart did a million flips. He felt like he was on cloud nine. Sam Wilson was the one. Surely, as long as he takes up the mantle - he'll be fine. Right?
Captain America could mean a lot of things. Surely, it must be Sam - surely.
Sam, however, doesn't like his mark. He doesn't like how Bucky smiles and he laughed at every joke he tells. The Winter Soldier was dead to Bucky, it was his old title. He couldn't believe Bucky was his soulmate. He was in denial. He calls Sarah about it. It's 7.00 am in the morning, he could barely sleep last night. He stumbled to get out cereal and put two and two together. There's a lot on his plate.
Steve, the shield, the boat...Bucky. Bucky has consumed his thoughts more than he should have.
"Why him?" he groaned, "why...why Bucky?"
Sarah chuckled over the phone, "well, it's funny how soulmates work. Just talk to him."
"I've been trying!" he said, "he hasn't responded to my texts, Sarah."
"Be patient. It'll work out, I promise. I gotta go, Sam, love you."
"Bye, love you too."
Bucky’s face twinged and his heart pulled, he looked down on his right arm. Captain America. This surely - surely John fucking Walker isn’t his soulmate. Right? It was meant to be Sam. Sam with the shield. It wasn't meant to be. He thought, maybe he could turn things around. Sam was always meant to have the shield. Made to be Captain America. God, it made him sick to his bones to be seeing Walker calling Steve his brother. It made him sick knowing that Sam is hurting on the other side of the country.
Sam was hurting, a lot. He thought what he did was right. He was doing the right thing, was he not? Was he not a good citizen by politely handing over the shield...He stared at the screen in disgust. He switched it off. He can't see this right now, not when he has a job to do. He travelled with Joaquin to the airport, from the corner of his eye he sees Barnes.
He refuses to smile.
"You shouldn't have given up the shield, Sam!"
There it is, that one line that Rhodey and now Bucky, his soulmate - has told him. "Good to see you too, Buck." if he was honest, there were some bittersweet undertones when he met with Bucky. He liked getting under his skin, he liked the way Bucky made him feel good. As Sarah said, they just need some time together.
"You're not going to come here and lecture me about my rights." Sam scolded. Bucky noticed he's wearing long sleeves again. Covering up the mysterious soulmate of his. Bucky almost winced at the lecture, but he couldn't help but look at Sam's lips for a split second. They looked soft, inviting. Good lord, he does have a staring problem.
Once they reached the plane, Bucky brought up the mark - again. Sam gets annoyed about the topic sometimes. Sam gets annoyed about the fact that he keeps getting men as his soulmate. He knows he fancies women too, why can't he have them as a choice? Why does it have to be Bucky Barnes? Out of all people...
"I'm not telling you," Sam said sternly, meeting his blue eyes.
"Why not?" he pressed, the thought of being with Walker made him so sick. "I'll tell you mine," he offered - he bit his lip. Walker cannot be his soulmate. He wanted Sam, so badly. He wanted to hold Sam in bed and make him feel safe. He swallowed, meeting Sam's wonderful brown eyes. He can't help but fall for them. Sam had his eyebrow raised.
"Tell me."
"It's..." he pulled up his sleeve, leaning forward to show him "I think it's Walker."
Captain America. Clear, printed in bold letters across his arm. Sam, too, suddenly felt sick at the thought of Bucky being with John Walker.
"Oh." was all Sam could say. Oh. Now he really didn't want to show his mark. Joaquin updated Sam on the amount of time until drop off. Bucky was dying to know who Sam's soulmate was. You haven't met Walker. Maybe he's not yours. He reminded himself, suddenly feeling more anxious.
Sam was looking up at Bucky, in a field of flowers. His arm was exposed, but he didn't notice. Bucky did. "Get off me," he grunted. He noticed the way Bucky's eyes dilated, the way he put his hand on his waist. His heart fluttered. Men, why men? Later on, as they walked - Bucky didn't speak about the mark. He only saw one word: Soldier. Who could it be?
Certainly, better than him. Maybe it was that pretty Torres guy. They'd be great together. He thought bitterly. Was it selfish to think of Sam, and only Sam?
Sam wanted to know everything about James, where he hides his keys in his small apartment if he braided his hair when it was long, how it would feel to hold him in bed. Walker approached, both Sam and Bucky had the urge to punch him. Bucky wasn't supposed to like this man, surely. Captain America wasn't Walker. "So, that didn't go as planned," he spoke.
Sam felt his stomach twist. He turned to Bucky, his face was straight. He, too, could feel that Walker wasn't his soulmate. Who was? Sam doesn't feel worthy of the mantle, for many reasons. America is not ready for a black person to take up the mantle, let alone a bisexual person - he doesn't want to ruin Steve's history. He doesn't want to disappoint anyone.
After a long, annoying ride with Lemar and Walker, they walk together to the airport.
"I want to slap him," Bucky spoke up, Sam chuckled.
"But isn't he your soulmate?"
Bucky grumbled, his face twitched. "He's not Captain America." he turned and Sam noticed Bucky's soft look on his face. But you are, to me. His expression seemed to say. Sam's heart softened, just a little for Bucky Barnes. Maybe that was a good thing. A good thing that he liked men too, a good thing that his soulmate was a man. It was a good thing for Sam.
Sarah thought it was a good thing. He loved making phone calls to his sister. It's always a good time to share.
"Sammy, I'm proud."
"You are?"
"Of course!" he could hear her smile through the phone. "Listen, maybe one day bring him over, yeah? He sounds like a cool guy. He could help with the boat - also, the kids miss you tons. Love you!"
"Thanks, Sarah. Love you, too." That night, he slept peacefully. So peacefully. Bucky was his soulmate.
Accidents happen. The last thing Sam remembers is the heat and the suffocating ash of the fire. Bucky remembered more. He remembered how it began. He and Sam were on a mission and there was a lot of Flagsmashers. And a lighter. The building was on fire. Sam was still inside. Sam was still inside. "SAM!" he screamed, running towards the burning room, kicking the door open. The heat made him sweat, the ash clouded his vision. "SAM!" he cried out again. Sam felt dizzy - everything was burning hot, he stumbled his way to Barnes' voice.
Then, Sam collapsed. Bucky's senses were on high alert, he ran to Sam's fallen figure. He picked him up bridal style and ran out into the grass. The fire brigade arrived a few minutes later. Sam, don't be dead. Please.
He gently put Sam down, rolled him on his back so he could see his face. He saw the blood on Sam's arm, tearing a piece of his shirt, he wiped it away - when he saw the mark; he almost stopped breathing. He didn't know whether to smile or to cry. He was seeing stars and his heart pulled. His heart thrummed for Sam Wilson, that's for sure. Winter Soldier. "Sam," he choked, shaking his body, checking his pulse and his injuries. "Sam," he almost began to cry, bringing his warm body closer "Sam, stay with me," he said softly, his hand supporting his unconscious head. Soon, the paramedics arrived. Sam's my soulmate.
Sam awoke to the faint sound of monitors and the 'Trouble Man' soundtrack. He smiled to himself. He made it alive after that mess. His body felt stiff and heavy against the hospital gown and bed. His muscles tensed, he knew who was sitting next to him. "Buck," he said softly, catching the Super-Soldier's attention.
"Sam," he said shakily, he could see the joy in Barnes' eyes. "Sam," he repeated, he almost started crying. Sam felt his vibranium arm over his mark. His breath hitched. "Sam, I'm sorry." he apologised as the soundtrack continued playing in the background. "I'm so sorry, I should have told you about Isaiah and I've been pressing you about the shield and shit...Sam, I'm sorry. I've been a real ass." He inhaled sharply, locking eyes with him. His eyes fell to his own mark: Captain America. His eyes flickered to Sam's lips for a few seconds.
Sam can read a room, very well. He put a soft smile on his face. "It's okay, Buck." he paused "you pulled me out of that fire, didn't you?" he stared at the hospital ceiling.
"Yeah," Bucky chuckled "Sam, I really thought I lost you. I thought I lost my soulmate."
Sam bit his lip, he knows the feeling of losing his soulmate.
"Hey," Sam shook him lightly "I lost my soulmate. A long time ago. Remember Riley?"
He'd comfort Sam sometimes when he had nightmares. Riley was important to Sam, he knew that. He knew it must have taken Sam a while to accept the fact that he was his soulmate. Grief comes in all shapes and sizes. He remembers staying up late with Sam, to watch a movie to distract him. He'd talk about the Hobbit and various nerdy things that made Sam smile. He would give anything to see Sam smile.
He nodded softly, bringing his hands closer. The warmth of Sam's hands, the way he looked so pretty. "I don't know what I'd do with myself if I lost you, Cap." He knows nothing could replace Riley, he won't replace Riley - but he'd be with Sam. The point of moving on from a partner is to not replace them but to help fill in the sad little holes in their heart. He knows he would try his best with Sam.
Sam loved both of them. Riley would leave scars but Bucky, Bucky would leave a thousand new hopes and futures. The nickname sent Sam's heart aflutter. For a moment, the soundtrack filled their awkward silence.
"I got the shield," Bucky spoke up "it's at my place. It's safe. You can come over if you want."
Sam looked down at his arm, he extended it, reaching to cup the side of Bucky's face and smiled. "You see my mark, yeah?" Bucky looked down, he's still in shock that Sam is his.
"Yeah," he said shakily, the way Sam smiled sent him to heaven. Sam was everything to him. "I - I don't really understand it, though."
"You can re-word the title." Sam brought him closer "just like how I can be a different Cap. A better Cap." he looked up to Bucky's face and leaned forward, kissing him softly. It felt nice, real nice. It was the nicest Bucky's felt in a while. There was passion in the air, they could feel it. "Bet Walker can't kiss like that, huh?" Sam teased, punching him lightly.
"No," Bucky smiled, knowing he's smitten by Sam, intoxicated by each smile, touch and kiss - "you're the best Captain America. The best soulmate." he leaned down and kissed him again. Soulmates were a thing to Sam Wilson now, he could see it with Bucky. His dear true love.