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The weight of pure, genuine fear took control of Light’s body. His body felt numb and unmoving against his brain's commands to move. He was just standing there, vulnerable. Anything could pounce on him, attack him, slice him, devour him. He was welcoming prey to anything near him.
A hot flash of white wouldn't leave him. No matter how long the brightness was there, his eyes never stopped straining to it. He thought he must've been staring at the sun. He was going to burn.
Long black claws came from seemingly nowhere, and poked and cut at his body. Gentle flapping of wings came from all directions. If he could move his head, he wouldn't know where to look. Too many hands were on him, all the same claws, belonging to Ryuk.
He was alone.
Until L’s owlish gaze was invading his view. Sucking every last breath from him. Light hadn't seen him walk up. Or even pop up magically for that matter, it just seemed like he had always been there. Staring, finger in his mouth, trying to figure out the puzzle of Light Yagami.
“You seem in distress, Light,” L said. No emotion in his voice. He sounded almost bored with this situation. It made a feeling bubble in Light’s stomach. It wasn't so much as anger, but insecurity.
With the insecurity, pain, confusion- also came comfort.
“Not anymore.” Ryuk’s phantom claws still cut and stabbed at Light’s skin. His body was lifeless, he figured, because no blood poured or dribbled out of him. “Not when you're here.”
L smiled. It seemed wider than L’s normal smile, even the one he reserved for Light. It seemed inhuman and strange. Like a mouth with too many teeth and a weirdly big tongue.
“That's romantic, Light.” L was closer than Light had remembered him to be, but, again, he never saw him move.
His hand reached up to Light’s face. He wiped off the tears Light didn't know he was spilling, with the pads of his fingers. L’s hands were long and thin and cold. Bones poked out weirdly and his nails were jagged and bitten down to the quick. Light wanted to lean into his touch, longed for his strange, freezing comfort. L lips hovered over his own. He mumbled something.
Light couldn't hear what he said. He was confused. Things were getting darker and blurrier. The flash of white gone. L’s comfort was all he wanted. “What?”
L’s hands were on his chest. He deliberately ignored his questions.
“I would like for Light to wake up now.” L kissed some of the tears away. Light closed his eyes in a flutter. He felt a ghostly feel of lips on his.
L was gone when his eyes opened.
_______
L typed away on his laptop. The keys under his fingers worn, the letters and symbols barely visible now. Not that L needed them. The tapping was rhythmic and soothing.
Light confessed once that it helped him sleep, so now L types away about random things (list of his favorite desserts, the names of the kids at the orphanage, Light's name over and over) at times where he is stuck on where to go next.
His thighs were pressed to his torso, feeling his stomach push his legs off then settle down as he breathed. He listened to Light next to him. Heavy with sleep his breathing quickened with fear. Another nightmare. L wondered how far it would go tonight. Would the nightmare cease and let him sleep a little while longer, or will he wake up screaming again?
Light stirred harshly again. His movements jerked and startling. Like he was being stabbed and inspected. He muffled something into the pillow. L spoke into their empty bedroom, “Light?”
He said something, but L felt it wasn't a response to him.
Light’s breathing became panicked and hoarse. He was on the verge of sobbing, loud . L could feel it in his own throat. He felt awkward.
When he bent over Light’s unstable body, the other's pillow was darkened with tears that fell heavily. Sweat made his hair stick to his face. He was muttering something that L couldn't make out, but felt, again, it wasn't meant for him.
“Are you okay?” L asked, dumbly. It was the only question he could come up with. He was about to touch Light’s bare shoulder, but stopped. It didn't end well last time he attempted a touch during a nightmare. “I would like for Light to wake up now.”
L swallowed his own breathing. Trying to figure out what to do.
He just continued to stare.
A moment later, Light’s eyes fluttered open against the tears. Discomfort and confusion wracked his face. “What-? L?” He touched his cheeks as he spoke, scowling as he felt wetness.
“Yes, I'm here. You were having a nightmare. It was very distracting.”
Light pulled the blanket over his sweat soaked body. Voice filled with shame. He was directed to the wall. “I apologize. I can't- I can't help it.”
L wanted to touch him again. He stopped. “I know. I won't sleep for that reason. Nightmares are… something I can't figure out.”
Light huffed a sad sort of laugh. “I don't know how you do that.” He shivered. “It's the one thing you can do, that I can't.”
“It's not the only thing, Kira.” L teased Light with his pseudonym.
Light laughed. “No, I don't recall anything else.”
L continued to slightly hover over him. It was silent for a moment.
“Can I touch you, Light-kun?” He added the honorific to soften his words.
Light hummed and tensed in the anticipation. L asked again to get a solid yes, which was given. His hand moved the sweat coated hair from Light’s forehead and cheek. His hair was getting longer and longer. It was starting to reach L’s length. He touched a finger to the other's cheekbone before running a hand through brown hair. Light was warm compared to L. His body, always soft and inviting.
The last few tears fell from Light’s eyelashes. He hummed his approval of the touches, arching his neck encouraging L’s hand to dig a little more into his scalp.
“What are you working on?” Light asked.
L tutted, turning to look at his screen. He kept his hand on Light, which was playing with the hair against the nape of his neck. “Some easy cases. It's astounding how no police department wants to solve their own cases, no matter how easy. Always calling on one of my aliases to solve it for them.”
“You've spoiled this world.”
“So has Kira.”
“I've certainly spoiled you .”
L looked at Light, who had turned over to look at L’s laptop. His eyes were red and puffy. Tears still in the process of drying on his cheeks. His warm skin glowed against the harsh blue-light of the screen. The blanket was lazily draped over his naked torso. Two slightly pink scars decorated the line underneath his chest. Light’s face was framed on one side with L’s hand.
“You're beautiful,” L said.
Light smiled. It was lopsided and embarrassed. “You're not bad yourself.”
L shut his laptop. The room completely pitch black now. He pulled out his phone and texted something in a hurry. Absentmindedly running a hand over Light's neck. Scratchy fingernails running up and down his throat.
L hummed. “Light certainly likes praises.”
“So what?” Light’s tone was harsher than L expected to hear.
“So nothing. I've got plenty to give.”
Light was about to say something- something snarky, no doubt. But a text notification echoed through their giant, quiet hotel suite. As soon as it came, L abandoned his touch of Light and stood.
Light frowned.
L waved his hand at his dramatic expression. “Come with me.”
Light followed him without a second thought. Except to pull on a shirt he had abandoned in a moment of desperation with L just a few hours earlier.
Watari greeted the two men in the lobby. He had his normal, posh suit on. As if it wasn't 3AM and he most definitely should be asleep given his age.
“Morning, gentlemen.” He turned his droopy eyes towards Light. “Ryuzaki informs me you're having a rough night, son.”
Light’s eyes widened. He looked at L like he wanted to shoot him right where he stood. “Oh, yeah. I guess. Just a little nightmare.”
L stared into the metaphorical barrel of the gun.
“Ah. I understand.” L knew that Watari understood more than what he showed. Especially considering that L told him nothing about Light having a rough night. “Shall we be off, then?”
L walked instead of answering. Ansty to get out of the lobby. No one was in it except for the three. Which he felt was more unnerving.
Watari jogged ahead of him slightly. Still able to, surprisingly. L wondered how long before Watari was made to lay in a hospital bed, awaiting death. That stubborn man wouldn't allow it. He wouldn't allow such a lackluster death.
Light was beside him as he walked. Straight, perfect posture. He was taller than L, only be it that L had a horrific hunch. Light would constantly mock him for the self-made height difference.
L still looked up at him without shame.
His eyes were closed and his sweaty skin was being cooled and dried by the summer night air.
L closed his eyes too. The breeze was soft against his skin. Enveloping him in it instead of pushing him. It carried sea salt with it. They were on the coast and L could hear the crashing waves from the parking lot. Some people were yelling and laughing loudly from the beach. Pop and alternative music played muffled from the same direction. He could feel sand under his feet and the black pavement was warm.
Would Light be one of those people if it wasn't for L? Would he have been going to late night parties on the beach, enjoying his mid 20’s- while also hiding that he's Kira? Instead of traveling to different countries to investigate some cases. Held up in some fancy hotel suite as they both solved horrific cases. L tried his hardest to make time for Light to enjoy the cities and towns they visited, but it wasn't enough. Nothing like what Light deserved for abandoning part of being Kira and joining L.
L doesn't believe in God or any gods, but he thanks them frequently for Light coming with him.
A hand grabbed him and pulled his body sideways. He stumbled as he opened his eyes. He couldn't find his balance quick enough.
Light caught him before he fell. He pulled him upright, as far upright as his back would allow. L glanced around taking everything in. Light's arms were around him, one hand was flat against his stomach. He tried to slow his breathing from the unexpected pulling. Watari was at their limo, the door open waiting for the men.
Light took his touch away from L. “You were about to walk into a car.” He explained.
L looked towards the direction he was pulled from. There was a sports car that had a pristine coat of black paint. An alarm would've surely gone off if L’s body even brushed against it.
L nodded. They started walking towards the open, beckoning door. L climbed in first, to get the window seat. Light came afterwards. The two men settled in while Watari got in the driver's seat. The limo pulled away soon after.
“What were you thinking about? When you almost ran into the car, I mean.” It was obvious, now, that Light had found the whole ordeal amusing. His mouth was in a smug smile. L was never clumsy and never needed ‘ saving ’. Light felt he had a win tonight for simply pulling L out of the way.
L had a smile of his own. “I was thinking of you, Light. You're very distracting, after all. I often find myself lost in the thought of you.”
Light's smile fell into something different. His eyes shined as he looked into owl eyes. Light didn't say anything.
L had won.
“Where are we going? Light shifted down in his seat, so he was shoulder to shoulder with L. Despite the abundance of room and plenty of other seats, Light chose to sit right next to L. Close enough that their hips and now arms pressed into each other.
Light laid his head on L’s shoulder. His eyes were trained out the tinted window, watching the scenery of some random coast town sweep gently by. L rolled down the window to let the gentle breeze in. Light smiled but quickly dropped it when L took notice. He always had been a sore loser.
“Nowhere. I just thought you'd enjoy a drive at the moment.” L had his usual position in play. Knees up, thighs against his chest. Thumb in his mouth. Biting the nail with loud cracks.
“Don't chew your nails.”
L ignored him. “When I have nightmares, I like to go for drives late at night. It helps me think about whatever case I'm working on.”
Light was quiet for a minute.
“What are your nightmares about?” He asked.
The window that separated their compartment and the drivers spot was open. Watari could hear every word they said. Neither of them moved to close it.
L looked at Light for this. “The orphanage. Bells.”
Light looked right back at him. He didn't say anything about the subject again. Instead, “Don't chew your nails, L.” Light grabbed his wrist and pulled it away from his mouth. The tips of his fingers were glossy with saliva. L huffed at Light using his name.
“I have another hand.”
“I'll punch you.” Light scooted closer to L and rubbed his face comfortably into his shoulder. His eyes were closed and he had a soft smile. No one other than L knew what an absolute baby Light was. Pride filled his chest.
L turned towards the open window. Little shops, all connected and American-western style fluttered by. All of them had their lights out except for the library.
It was about to storm, the scent of rain filled the air along with the sea salt. Electricity was impatiently buzzing.
“Light,” L said, eyes still trained outside.
“Hm?”
“Do you regret coming with me? Ever?”
Light thought for a moment. L didn't mind waiting for the truth. He got it so easily from Light these days. L would wait years just to hear him tell one truth. “At the beginning. Not anymore.”
“Why?” L asked. Naturally inquisitive and naturally interested in the mind of Light.
Light squeezed L’s hand. The world-famous-detective didn't even realize they were holding each other. “Why what? Why did I regret it at first, or why don't I anymore?”
“Hmm. Both.”
Light huffed. “I thought you'd want to control me, take away Kira.”
L didn't say anything.
He continued, “But you didn't. You wanted to work with Kira. You wanted to work and live with me. I get to continue my judgements. I get to keep the notebook. Me and you grew closer , too. You don't seem to have second thoughts about the arrangement, so that's why I don't regret it anymore; it's because you don't.”
L didn't move. “I never regret anything I do. I knew 100% what I wanted when I confronted you. Even when you punched me and kicked me, I didn't have a doubt. I wanted you in my life.”
Light didn't speak. It was only after a few seconds of heavy breathing did L decide that Light was asleep. Hand in and hand and head on shoulder. It was a nice night for this.
They sat like this for a long time. They got onto the highway, now. Streetlamps formulated a warm glow onto everything. L remembered nights like this, in England. When he'd wake up crying and thrashing, Watari would scoop him up and put him in the backseat and just drive. Drive until L had fallen back asleep, peacefully.
But now he's an adult and he had Light. Comfort races through his bloodstream as the same glow he romanticized as a kid, now bathed Light. He squeezed Light’s perfectly manicured hand. The other hummed, asleep. L suppressed a laugh.
Watari called from the front. “You certainly love that boy.”
L kissed the top of Light’s head. Messy, sleep hair tickled his face. He smelled like L and strawberry soap. Sugar and hotel sheets. L stared at the rearview mirror, Watari stared back.
After a minute, L whispered, “I do.”
L felt Light's body twitch. He tutted at how bad of a performance this was.
He leaned closer to Light's sleeping face. In a low, low whisper, barely audible enough for either of them, he said, “I've been sleeping next to you for 2 years and 4 months, Light Yagami. I know when you're asleep and when you're not.”
Light huffed again. “You're so annoying.”
L kissed his head again. A loud crack of thunder played somewhere out in the distance. The storm was moving closer and closer, the stars were being covered by heavy, grey clouds.
“Get some sleep. I'll wake you when we're back.” L whispered. He turned back to the streetlamps, and slowed his breathing so his shoulders wouldn't disturb his sleep.
Light mumbled, his tone attempting to sound sarcastic, but failed. “You make a lousy pillow.” He swallowed. “But I do, too.”
He adjusted himself on L.
Watari watched the conversation die down. Light had fallen asleep, now. Genuinely, this time. And he and L watched each other again. No words were spoken. Just a silent understanding that L had found something he didn't know he was missing. He found an equal. A happiness.
L blew a laugh out. His happiness is a smart mouthed mass murderer, but also was the only person to treat L like a human. Watari seemed to understand what he was thinking. He nodded once, and looked back to the completely abandoned highway.
L watched Light for any signs of a nightmare.