Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

But you catch a glimpse of sunlight.

Shinin’, down on your face.

Oh you’re in my veins

And I cannot get you out

Hotch takes a breath, gripping the necklace tightly in his hands, hoping for a miracle. The doctor sighs, looking away from them before looking back, his face unreadable.

“I’m so sorry..” Is what he says and Aaron’s heart shatters in his chest. His breath catches in his throat, his world stopping and he feels dizzy. No. Please. No.

“She was too far gone…” He tells them, “There was nothing we could have done.” His tone his soft, sad, almost as thought he’d lost someone too and it makes Aaron want to scream.

Reid stared at the doctor, his mind running wild. He doesn’t understand what the doctor is saying to him, how is she gone? She was improving?

“What are you saying?” His voice breaks as he asks the question, the doctor looks away from Hotch and to him with sad eyes and shakes his head.

“I’m so sorry.. but she.. she’s brain dead.” He tells them and Reid feels himself step back and hit the wall but that’s it, everything else goes numb around him and he can’t breathe. This can’t be happening. She can’t be dead. Not when it’s his fault. Not when he wasn’t strong enough to save her. Not when she and Hotch were- Hotch. His mind shouts and he turns to face his boss who’d fallen back into a chair, staring off into nothing with her necklace hanging from his fingers.

“Is there anyone I can call?” The doctor asks, placing a soft hand on Reid arms, offering a show of comfort that he knows isn’t really going to help.

“No.. Thank you..” Reid says with a breath and pulls his phone out. He opens their group message and he knows he shouldn’t. He knows this is something that should be done over the phone but he can’t. He can’t wrap his head around how this happened. How Emily is gone… just like that.

come to the hospital now.

Is all he manages to type before sending it. His whole body feels numb and this doesn’t feel real. Emily can’t be gone. She can’t be dead. He can’t have lost her again.

“Would you like to sit with her?” The doctor says and Hotch looks up and stares with confusion.

“I’m sorry?” Aaron asks and the Doctor smiles sadly.

“Would you like to sit with her while she goes? Even though she’s been announced brain dead the ventilator is still breathing for her. When you’re ready I will take her off it and for a minute or two she will breathe on her own, before she.. before her heart stops.” He tells him “I thought maybe you’d like to say goodbye.” The doctor explains and Hotch just stands, nodding his head slowly, still unable to accept that this is real. That she’s gone. Because she can’t be. They had a plan.

“Reid..” Hotch says, his voice is brittle, almost glass like and Spencer doesn’t think he’s ever heard him sound so broken. Not even when he was listening to him beg for Haley’s life only two years ago. “Are you coming in?”

“I-” He starts, but he’s frozen. He knows he should go in because he didn’t get to say goodbye last time and he has a chance now… but he can’t move. Nothing seems real as his feet take him out of the hospital and into the rain. It isn’t until Morgan grabs him as he arrives at the hospital entrance, already halfway there to sit with both Spencer and Emily for the night when the text came through. A text he hasn’t seen. He turns Reid towards him and the younger man breaks down. Morgan never gets to say goodbye either, because once again he chose Spencer over Emily, except this time she really is dead, there will be no second chance. This time… Their last conversation would be their final one and as he holds a sobbing Reid in his arms in the rain, tears fall down his own face as his memory brings him back to their final conversation in the car. Their final bitter conversation, both acting like squabbling siblings who didn’t get their own way.

“God,” Morgan sighs, “Do you ever stop complaining?” He groans and Emily pulls a face at him and laughs.

“If I remember correctly, I wasn’t even supposed to be here.” She scoffs.

“Yeah.. you’re supposed to be six feet in the ground.. you know.. since we buried you a year go” He snaps, he regrets it as soon as it comes out of his mouth but she doesn’t have time to reply and he doesn’t have time to apologise before the car is being sent flying down a hill. Her head hits something and just like that she’s gone, only back with them long enough for them to try and help her before she falls unconscious with her hand wrapped in Aarons. She never opens her eyes.

The last words Morgan ever says to her were those of rage and lack of sleep, words he would have apologised for saying to her over and over again for weeks afterwards. Now he’ll never get the chance.

Standing with Reid in the rain his only hope is that Spencer is crying because of something else, something entirely different, but as the genius shakes with sobs, his face resting in his neck he knows no amount of praying is going to make that true.

“She died…” Spencer says then, and Morgan feels his world alter and he knows now that everything is going to be different. Nothing is going to stay the same. “I don’t understand.. They said she was improving.” He’s crying still as Morgan holds him in the rain, the man presses a kiss to his head.

“Let’s go inside..” He says and Reid just lets himself be guided inside and back to the waiting room.

Hotch watches Reid run off, before turning to the Doctor and nodding, following the man into the room.

Nothing about her looks different. She’s still connected to the wires, he can still hear the sound of the ventilator pushing air into her lungs, he can still hear the sound of her heartbeat, he looks at the doctor with a frown. None of this makes sense, how is she dead?

“Are you sure she..” Hotch asks softly and the doctor just nods his head.

“I’m sorry,” He says again and Aaron can feel himself growing sick of the words, “There is no brain activity, the second we take her off life support she will no longer be able to breathe by herself, her organs will shut down.. she’ll go peacefully.”

“You said she was improving.” He snaps at the man, tracing a finger down her cheek as he looks away from the doctor.

“She was.” He says, “Sometimes people improve and they wake up, sometimes they deteriorate..”

“You should never have told us she was improving.” He tells the doctor sternly, eyeing him up, “We would have all been here if you hadn’t have told us-” He stops and looks back at her, shaking his head as his fingers linger on her face.

“Agent Hotchner,” The doctor says in a tone that makes Aaron stiffen up, because what else could he possibly have to say that’s worse than right now? Aaron looks over and the man takes a breath.

“It seems that Agent Prentiss was about two weeks pregnant..” He tells him and Aaron’s world shatters around him, he feels it crumble.

“I’m sorry?” He said, “How… What do you mean she was two weeks pregnant? How did this not come up before? How did you not know this?” His voice cracks at the end and he just turns back to face her, holding back his tears.

“Due to all of her other injuries it never occurred for us to check, it says on her chat that she is on birth control..”

“She is.. she was..” He tells her because he remembers now what she was saying about how regulating her periods will take time and if he’s serious about kids then she should come off the pill now, and he’d smiled, agreed and laughed before telling her this wasn’t something she had to excel at. That they had time. Time seems like a sick joke too him now.

“She was?” The doctor asks, before the penny drops and he finds himself looking at the man’s face, finds even more pity, more heartbreak on his behalf rests inside of him. “I am sorry, Sir.”

The doctor tells him she probably didn’t know herself, that she was maybe just past two weeks pregnant when the crash happened but it doesn’t stop Aaron from starting down a shame spiral. He starts to hate himself because he knew she was sick when he let her go to the field that day, he made her get into the car and maybe if he would have paid more attention he would have put two and two together and they’d be together now, planning their future while he palms a hand on her stomach, she’d be laughing because “there is no bump yet” and he’d just shrug, a goofy smile on his face because this is all he’d ever wanted. But in fact, he’ll actually be planning her funeral…and their babies funeral too, he supposes, but he won’t tell anyone that, because if she didn’t get to know about her baby then why should everyone else? He’ll bury the love of his life and their baby and try and pretend the guilt isn’t eating him alive.

“Please leave.” He says softly after a few moments, closing his eyes, “Please.” He says again, he can hear the plea come out of his mouth in a tone that he doesn’t even recognise. The doctor bows his head.

“Of course.” He agrees, “I’ll give you a moment before I come back in.. and we can start the process..”

Hotch doesn’t listen to him after that, just waits for the sound of the door to shut behind him and when it does, a sob escapes from his mouth. He sits on the chair next to her bed, pulling it closer to her and grabs her hand, wrapping it in both of his and bringing it to his lips, tears falling down his face. He brings a hand to her face and gently strokes the back of his fingers across her cheeks, breathing out a shaky breath as he looks down the floor, unable to accept what is happening.

“Emily..” He whispers, looking back at her. “You can’t do this to me. I can’t.. I can’t do this without you. Please.” He’s begging and deep down he knows it’s useless but it’s his last hope. “We had a plan, Em. We had a plan.” He says softly as tears fall freely from his eyes, “I love you.. I love you so much and I-” He stops, his voice breaking. He swallows, “I can’t live without you. Please. Just.. Emily please.” He’s crying at her, begging, but it’s useless and he knows this, but he can’t stop. He bows his head and rests her limp hand back in both of his. “I can’t lose you, Em. I won’t make it. I can’t live without you.”

He doesn’t know how long he’s been sat there, his hand latched in her limp ones as he looks at her, taking in every last detail of her, but he knows this isn’t how he’ll remember her.

He’ll remember her laughing on her back as he told her a lame joke while they’re in bed. A smile beaming off her face as her laugh bounces of the walls and into his ears, a sound he craved constantly, a sound he’ll miss most.

He’ll remember her holding him close during the nights where the demons of her past find their way to creep back up on her, using him for comfort. For he was her safe place.

He’ll remember her playing with his son, making him laugh harder than the young boy had in years.

He’ll remember her smile. Her touch. Her voice. The way she made him feel at home.

He’ll always remember the future they planned that now, they’ll never get.

Three Months Ago

“You want to start a family?” She asked him, shocked.

“Don’t you?” He’d said back, raising an eyebrow and she shrugs.

“I’ve thought about it sure but… with this job..” She trailed off, he grabbed her hands to stop her from placing the next plate in the dishwater and pulls her into him, resting both his hands interlocked on her back.

“Then let’s retire.” He’d said. She looked at him with shock, her eyes wide, her mouth agape.

“Are you calling me old?” She’d teased, wrapping her arms around the back of his desk.

“No,” He smirks, “I’m calling you out.” He told her and she frowned in confusion.

“Calling me out? For what?” She’d tilted her head at him and he’d smirked at her, before placing a kiss on her lips. She’d smiled into this kiss before pulling away.

“I’m calling you out on everything.” He told her, “You’re not settling here, Em.” He says, running a hand up her back and the fear in her eyes when he said it told him all he needed to know.

“I’m settled. I’m fine.. we’re fine, Aaron.”

“I know we’re fine,” He nodded, “But you’re not.”

“Aaron-”

“No,” He said over her, “And it’s okay. You went through a lot last year..” He said and she lowered her head, piercing her lips together. “I think it’s the next step,” He’d said, “The right step.”

“To retire?” She questioned, “Aaron.. You love your job-”

“I love you more.” He told her, his eyes bled into hers as she did as she bit her lip to stop herself from grinning. “What do you say?” He asked, a smirk on his face. “Do you want to retire with me?”

“Yes,” She smiled, nodding her head, “I’d love to retire with you.”

“We could live on a farm in the middle of nowhere…” He said, grinning at her.

“Mhmm.” She’d agreed with a grin of her own, “We could get chickens… sheep.” She said.

“There’d be no more unhinged, obsessed unsubs after us..” He joked and she rolled her eyes, “We could be happy.. free.”

“Safe…” She whispered, and he traced a hand up her back again.

“Safe.” He agreed. The way safety was what she craved most made this a done deal for him. “At the end of the year, we’re retiring. Maybe we’ll get married and have a baby along the way.” He grinned and she laughed, nodding her head.

“You’re so sure of yourself, Hotchner..” She teased, before crashing her lips into his, “I’ll need a ring first.” She’d whispered against his mouth, before laughing and pulling away from him, taking his hand and leading him through the house, a grin on her face.

The sound of the door opening pulls him from his memory and he wipes his eyes before looking, only to find the doctor coming back in.

“Are you ready?” He asks gently, a sad look in his eyes that tells Hotch he hates this just as much and it makes him want to scream.

Aaron looks back down at her, piercing his lips together so he doesn’t cry. He closes his eyes and shakes his head, holding her hand tighter because no he’s not ready. he can’t do it. She can’t be dead because they had a plan. They were going to wait until the end of the year and retire together and move away because even though she stayed she isn’t really there and he knows that moving away to a small town and starting a family is what they need to do. It’s what they planned to do and so how is she dead?

“How is.. how is she dead?” Hotch whispers and if the room wasn’t as silent as it was the doctor wouldn’t have even heard him.

“She fought for as long as she could,” He tells Hotch, “She was strong. But sometimes people just aren’t able to recover from their injuries.”

Aaron doesn’t reply, he just looks at her once again, before nodding his head to the doctor.

It’s time, he thinks.

“Okay.” The doctor says softly and begins to untube her. There’s a loud breath sound that comes from her chest and he closes his eyes, swallowing down the lump forming in his throat.

“She’ll breathe on her own for a minute or two, before she goes.” He tells him, “Say your goodbyes. I’ll be just outside. When the machine beeps, you can press this button here and it will go off.” He explains, before leaving the man to it.

“I’ll love you forever,” Hotch says, pressing a kiss into her forehead. He feels around for the box in his blazer pocket, pulling it out and staring at the ring.

“I got this the day after we decided to retire.. move on.. start a family.” He whispers, clearing his throat. “We had so much planned, Em.” He says, “It’s not fair.” His voice cracks and he bows his head, pinching his fingers into the corner of his eyes as though it will stop the pain in his chest.

He pulls the ring out of the box and holds it, “I think you would have liked it,” He smiles, “The moment I saw it I knew.. I knew it was your ring.”

He finds the necklace is his other pocket, and loops the ring through it, before slowly clasping the necklace around her neck, the ring and her cross dangling down on her chest.

“I miss you already.” He whispers, running his fingers though her hair and down her cheek, “Jack.. he’ll..” He swallows, “I’ll make sure he remembers you, what you meant to him. What he meant to you.”

The monitor starts to beep unevenly then and he shakes his head, placing a hand on the side of her face softly, tears running down his cheeks.

“Not yet, please.” He whispers. “Please just stay with me. Just a little longer.” He begs, his voice is a cry at this point but he can’t find it in himself to care because the woman he loves is dying, she’s dying right in front of him and he can’t do anything but watch. Watch and accept that it’s all too late.

As the machine jumps again he shakes his head, “No,” He pleads, to who, he isn’t sure.

David Rossi runs into the hospital exactly twenty minutes after he got the text from Reid. He’s praying for good news, he doesn’t think it could be anything else, she was improving, wasn’t she?

He turns the corner into the waiting room and the sight of Reid crying into Morgan’s chest as the older man stares blankly ahead, running a hand down the geniuses back even as tears roll down his own face stops him in his tracks.

“Agent Rossi?” He hears someone call him and he turns in the direction of the voice to be met with her doctor.

“No..” Dave says, shaking his head. “She can’t be..”

“I’m so sorry.” The doctor tells him and the older man bows his head, rubbing a hand over his face as his heart falls into the ground.

“When?”

“I’ve just taken her off life support.” He says, “Agent Hotchner is with her now.. which is why I called you over here”

Rossi looks back at the doctor.

“She’s brain dead.. but in order for us to call time of death, her heart needs to stop.”

“Okay…” Dave says, struggling to see where he comes into this.

“Agent Hotchner won’t…” The doctor takes a breath and sighs. “He’s having a hard time accepting that she’s… dead.” He says, “Because she’s breathing on her own due to the ventilators oxygen still in her lungs it can be difficult for people to accept the situation at hand…”

“Can I go in?” Rossi asks and the doctor nods.

Dave enters the room and almost falls to the floor at the sight of Aaron pressing his hands into her chest gently, tears falling down his eyes. He’s sobbing, but he doesn’t think he’s aware of that.

As he presses his hands into her chest, begging for the life to come back to her, there’s a hand on his shoulder that causes him to jump and when he turns around. The sight of Rossi, grief stricken as he looks at him makes Hotch nauseous. He shakes his head.

“I can’t let her go.. please. I can’t.” Hotch says brokenly, Rossi nods, reaching over and placing his hand hard against his, stilling the action.

“I know.” Dave whispers, “But you have to. We all do.”

Aaron turns back to her and bows his head, his whole body shaking with cries as Rossi keeps his hands still with the pressure of his own.

Aaron fights against the harsh grip Dave has on his hand, Dave sets his hands free, only to pull the man backwards. Aaron fights against him, shaking his head. As the sound of the machine’s loud, long beep, signalling her death echoes around the room, Hotch almost drops onto the floor sobbing, only to hit the chair on the way down and all Dave can do is just look at her. Another child loved and lost.

They’re removed from the room a few minutes later and Aaron just walks over to a chair and sits, tears rolling down his face but.. he can’t feel anything. His whole body feels numb. He’s heartbroken, shattered, he doesn’t think he can come back from this. It’s too much.

“Agent Hotchn-” A nurse starts to say but Rossi shakes his head and goes to her instead.

“Is there something else?” He asks and the nurse looks at him sadly.

“We need a signature for the death certificate..” She explains and Rossi nods.

“I can do it.” He says and the nurse leads him towards the desk.

JJ was picking the boys up from their playdates when she got the text. She brings Jack and Henry to the hospital with her, because all the text said from Reid was ‘come to the hospital’ and Emily was improving right? So it’s good news?

She walks in with the boys at either side, freezing when she sees Hotch staring into the distance, zoned out completely and Reid and Morgan crying silently in the corner

She goes to take the boys out and call Will because they can’t find out here, not even she wants to find out here but it’s too late, Jack’s running towards his father and the look on Hotch’s face when he sees him is enough to make JJ wish that she never saw the text in the first place. If she never saw the text then this isn’t real and her best friend isn’t dead and that little boy isn’t going to have to find out he’s lost another person he loved in the hospital waiting room surrounded by strangers.

Hotch wipes his tears and quickly stands, heading towards his son.

“Daddy!” He cheers, his big grin almost enough to make Hotch smile. Almost. “Can we see Emmy again?”

“Buddy..” He says, leaning down to his level and grabbing the boys small hands, “About Emily..”

“Is she okay?” He asks, worry in his face and Hotch wishes he could say yes. she’s fine. she’s waiting to see you. But he can’t. Not this time.

“Jack.. buddy.” He says, “No.. She’s not okay.”

“Why?” He asks, and Hotch closes his eyes, taking a breath.

“Emily got very sick again and this time they couldn’t save her.”

“What?” Jack whispers, shaking his head. “But you said-”

“I’m sorry, Jack.” Aaron says, forcing himself not to cry, but the little boy just shakes his head.

“But you said she was just sleeping?” Jack says as he stares at his dad, the sadness in his eyes piercing a hole into Aaron’s already shattered heart.

“I know, buddy. But she was very very sick and sometimes-” He begins to say to his son but he stops, because even he can’t put his mind around how she went down hill so quickly, so how is he expected to give an explanation to his son? He takes a breath and runs a hand up Jack’s arm, holding back his own tears while he puts his son first. “I’m sorry, Jack. But Emily’s gone, buddy.” The tremble in his voice as he says those words to his six year old are nothing compared to the shout he releases.

“No!” He shouts again, “I saw her yesterday! She was fine! She was sleeping!” There’s tears running down his face and everyone in the hospital is looking at him and he wishes he’d had this conversation with him at home, but JJ had come right to the hospital after picking both him and Henry up. He can’t blame her for bringing him here, how was she to know that Emily was dead?

“Jack..” Aaron tries to soothe him but the boy is too worked up, too heartbroken, too confused.

“Daddy.. you’re wrong!” He says, his little little voice breaks at the end of his sentence as tears trail down his face like a waterfall. “You’re wrong!” He shouts, before taking off in a run and almost knocking Hotch over on his way. He’s on his way to the room he knows Emily is in, because he was just in there with her yesterday, he read her a story and held her hand and begged for her to come back. Hotch gets up quickly and chases after his son, running on the only thought that his son can not see Emily lay lifeless on the bed, even he wishes he could unsee it, he can’t imagine what it would do to a six year old. Jack is almost at the door when Hotch grabs him, picking him up and pulling him into his chest. The boy is all kicks and screams as he refuses to be held there.

“Let me go, Daddy!” He shouts, “I don’t believe you! She’s okay! You’re wrong!” He’s crying now and his sobs are coming from his chest and the pain in them is enough to make Hotch wish he himself was dead, just so he didn’t have to hear the gut wrenching sobs of his six year old as he shouts for the dead woman he’d become so attached too.

“Emmy!” The boy cries, pushing around in his dads hold once again before stopping and looking at him. The boy swallows and stops fighting when he see’s tears falling down his fathers face, he brings his little hand up and wipes it, a hiccup leaving his chest before he breaths and his lip starts trembling.

“Emmy went to Mommy, didn’t she?” Jack whispers, his little voice breaking enough that the sentence almost cuts off at the end.

“Yeah, Buddy.” Hotch whispers back, “I’m sorry.” He says and Jack just rests his head in his fathers neck and cries silently, taking some deep breathes Emily had thought him to do when he got himself worked up. Another mother he had loved, another mother he had lost.

As Hotch tries to console his son, gently shushing him as he paces the hospital waiting room, holding back his own grief to help his son, Garcia runs in. JJ is on the phone with Henry on her hips, turned away from her and so she carries on towards the cries of a little boy. The cries she hopes isn’t coming from the boy she thinks it is.

The sight in front of her makes her drop her bags and everyone looks at her. Morgan stands then, giving Reid’s hand a squeeze before heading to her. She’s shaking her head as he gets closer.

“Baby girl..” He whispers and she holds her hands out to stop him from getting closer.

“Don’t say it.” She whispers, shaking her head. “Don’t you dare say it.”

“She’s gone, Penelope..” He tells her and the woman cries, almost dropping to the floor as Morgan catches her, pulling her into him.

“What happened?” She cries, shaking her head as it rests in his chest, “She was..they said she was improving!”

“I don’t know, baby girl.” He whispers, “I don’t know.”

“Where is she?” She asks, pulling him his hold and he wipes her tears.

“She’s in there,” He tells her, “But she’s gone, baby girl. She’s dead.”

Penelope just shakes her head and folds herself back into his hold, sobs heaving from her chest as she cries for her friend.

Dave walks back into the waiting room and his already broken heart breaks even more when he finds his family crying in there, Morgan and Penelope holding each other close, JJ taking a seat next to Reid with Henry in her arms, the little boy reaching for his favourite uncle, the five year old not understand why he was so sad. Aaron holding his son close to his chest while the boy cries, the two Hotchner’s crying for the woman they we’re supposed to have in their lives forever. He walks over to Aaron, rubbing a hand over the little boys back and his sad little eyes look at him. The pain in the boy’s eyes make’s Dave wish he could take all of his grief for himself. He’s so young and he’s lost so much. It just isn’t fair. “Hey, buddy.” He says softly, the boy blinks, not even a smile graces his lips as he stares at him. Aaron leans his chin on he boys head as he holds him, wishing he could change this. Wishing that there was a way to bring her back.

“Emmy died, Uncle Dave..” The boy says sadly, another set of tears rolling down his face.

“I know…” He says softly, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Have you called Jessica?” He asks Hotch, who shakes his head.

“No.” He whispers, he can’t talk any louder than that. This whole body aches with grief and he just can’t do it anymore. “Could you-”

“Of course.” He says, before pulling out his phone and dialling her number, sending Hotch another sad smile before walking away.

He tells Jessica the news and the woman gasps, before telling him she’ll be there as soon as she can.

“How are they?” She asks him and Dave just sighs.

“They’re.. as you would expect.”

“I’m on my way,” She tells him, “Tell Aaron I’ll stay with him and Jack for as long as he needs.”

“I’m sure he already knows.” Dave smiles, “I’ll see you soon.” He says and the call ends.

He’s about to head back to the team when he hears footsteps behind him, he turns to find Will racing towards his family and he nods in greeting.

“Hi.” JJ says sadly as she passes her son over to him, Will takes her into his arms, kissing her head gently as he rests his son on his hip.

“I’m sorry sorry, love.” He whispers and JJ nods. “Have you told him?”

“Not yet, I don’t think I can.” JJ says, her head rested in his neck.

“Okay,” He says softly, “Let’s go over there shall we?” He suggests and JJ nods, following slowly behind her two boys and wishing more than anything that this is just a bad dream. That she’ll wake up and none of this would have happened.

“What’s going on Mommy? Why is everyone so sad?” He asks in his little voice and JJ swallows before bending down in front of him, Will next to her. “Where’s Auntie Em?”

“Baby..” She whispers, “I have to tell you something.” She says. “You know how Auntie Em was sleeping while she got better?” The boy nods, swinging his legs on the seat.

“Jack said that she should be up soon and that she would take us to see Sergio.”

JJ looks down, her heart breaking in her chest as she takes a breath. Will takes her hand and looks at their son.

“Well..” He starts, “Sometimes when people are really really sick.. they don’t wake up.” Will tells his son gently, “And Em tried really hard to wake up but she was too poorly and so she had to go the angel..”

“Like Nanny?” He asks, his eyes wide as he stares at his parents. JJ nods and runs a hand over her sons head.

“Yeah baby,” She says, “Like Nanny.”

“But..” Henry stutters, “But Jack said that he would wake up.” There’s tears threatening to fall from his eyes and he jumps into his parents arms.

Jessica runs straight past them and towards Dave, who he can see leaning against a wall staring at nothing. Her heart is hammering in her chest and she reaches where the team are sat, she looks around until she spots them. Aaron and Jack. Jack in his dads arms as the man is sat, staring into space.

“Hey..” She says, heading over. Aaron stands up while Jessica runs a hand down his backs.

“I’m so sorry, Aaron.” She tells him, he nods.

“Yeah..” He whispers. Jack looks at his Aunt and holds out his hand, she takes it and places a kiss into it.

“Emmy died.” He whispers and Jessica nods, before trading a finger across his cheeks to wipe his tears.

“I’m sorry, baby.” She whispers and he closes his eyes. Aaron rests his chest on the boys head once again when he feels his son sigh against him.

“Why don’t I take him home while you do what you need to do here?” Jessica suggests, “I’ll stay with you for as long as you need.”

“Thank you.” Hotch whispers, going to pass Jack over to her and the boy shakes his head.

“No Daddy.” He says, “I don’t wanna leave.. Emmy is here.” He tells him and Aaron actually doesn’t think he’s ever felt heartbreak like this in his life.

“You don’t want to go home?” Jessica asks softly, Jack shakes his head, before closing his eyes and then nodding. He’s tired, he’s sad and he doesn’t want to be here anymore. What he wants is Emily.

“Are you coming home Daddy?” He asks and Hotch nods, kissing the boys head.

“I’ll be home really soon.” He tells him and the boy nods, allowing Hotch to place him on his feet. The boy takes Jessica’s hand and lets her guide him out of the hospital. He sends a small wave to Dave as he passes him and the man waves back.

Just as they’re passing JJ, Will and Henry, no one could have imagined the explosion that would come next.

Henry spots Jack heading towards the exit and he stands.

“You lied.” He says to Jack, who turns to face him with wide eyes. “You said to me that she would be fine. You lied.” The five year old tells his friend and JJ takes her son and shakes her head.

“Henry, stop.” JJ tells him but the boy shakes his head.

“He lied, Mommy!” He shouts, “He told me Auntie Em would be okay but she isn’t! He lied!”

Jack looks up at Jessica, who gently tries to guide the boy of the hospital with an understanding smile to JJ and Will.

“I didn’t lie..” He says, “I didn’t!” He shouts.

“I know,” Jessica smiles sadly, “Come on.”

Henry steps past his parents and runs towards Jack, only to be held back and grabbed by his father.

“You’re a liar!” Henry cries, “You lied to me.” He’s sobbing as he shouts and Jack just stares at him, his lip quivering. “I hate you! You’re a liar and you lied! And I hate you!”

The loud shouts coming from a sobbing boy get the attention of Aaron and Dave, who walk over to find Henry screaming at Jack as his parents try to get him to stop.

Jack runs towards his father when he spots him and jumps into his arms, crying loudly as he wraps himself around him.

“I didn’t lie, Daddy!” The boy cries, “I didn’t.”

“Okay..” Aaron says, looking back at JJ who stares at him, mortified at her son’s outburst. Hotch looks away first and he knows he shouldn’t be mad at her. That Henry is just five and he can’t understand this, not really. But his son just lost a woman he loved like a second mother, a woman who he cared so much for and so he looks away and kisses his son’s head, because he is mad. He’s so mad at everything.

“I want Emmy!” The boy screams while he sobs, “Emmy!” He shouts, almost as if he thinks if he shouts loud enough she’ll come back and hug him, whisper to him that its okay, just like she had done in the past.

JJ looks at her son as Will picks him up.

“I’m going to take him home.” Will tells her and she nods. “You stay for as long as you need.”

“I.. no.” She says, shaking her head, “I can’t be here any longer. I can’t-” She stops, “I won’t be long.” She tells him and he nods, taking a seat and comforting their crying son while she walks back towards her team.

Jessica takes Jack again and as they pass JJ on the way out her heart breaks at the boy’s cries. Closing her eyes she takes a breath and carries on walking. Penelope looks at her as she sits in the middle of both Morgan and Reid, the three of them silent, grieving, shocked and just.. unable to believe that Emily is really gone this time. That she’s really dead.

“Hotch..” She says and the man turns to face her, “About Henry.. I.. I’m so sorry. He just-”

“It’s fine. JJ.” He tells her, “They’re just kids.”

“Still. He shouldn’t have said what he did.” JJ tells him and Hotch hums and sits down on the chair, exhaling a breath and closing his eyes.

“What happened?” She whispers and Aaron shakes his head.

“I don’t know.” He tells her, “She just..” He trails off and looks down, “She was fine and then she wasn’t. They said sometimes people can just.. become brain dead overnight..”

“Brain dead? How?”

“Her injuries were too severe, they say she must have just.. died. I don’t know, Jennifer.” He sighs and she swallows, nodding her head.

“She was alone..” She says sadly and Hotch shakes his head.

“No they…” He starts, “They let me sit with her while they took her off life support.”

He took her off the ventilator because he wasn’t thinking straight and it didn’t occur to him that the others might want to say goodbye because all he could think about was how she was dying. She was dying right in front of him. He didn’t think, could think of anything else until Garcia is staring at him with tearful eyes.

“You took her off it without letting me.. us say goodbye?” She asks as she appears at JJ’s side.

Aaron looks up and stares at her, his heart dropping into his stomach.

“You didn’t call? You didn’t… You didn’t wait… until we were all here? Until we could see her?” Her voice breaks and there’s tears running down her eyes, he didn’t think his heart could even break anymore but he was wrong.

“Garcia I-”

“How long were you in there? How much longer was it until we got here… how could you not have waited? You should have waited!” She’s shouting now and it grabs the attention of the men. Morgan rushes over as Reid follows slowly behind, Dave heading over from the other direction.

Aaron stands but he’s silent because what can he say? There’s nothing to say because she’s right.

“You pulled the plug without letting us know? Without letting us say goodbye?” JJ asks and she’s taken a step back, a hand over her stomach as it flips and she thinks she might be sick.

“Enough.” Dave says as he walks over. “Do you think this is what she would want? She’d want us to all be there for each other, not tear each other apart.”

“What she would have wanted was for us to have a chance to say goodbye. That’s what she would have wanted.” Morgan snaps.

“Why, for the second time did take her away without allowing us to say goodbye to her..” Garcia cries, her eyes burning into his and he has to look away. “How could you unplug her without letting me know?” She asks with a cracked voice and a painful tone “How have you done this to me twice?” She cries at him.

“I’m sorry.” He tells them and Morgan scoffs, shaking his head and walks off. JJ takes Garcia’s arm and slowly moves her away and the two women sit away from him, tears down their faces. Reid takes a seat next to Aaron as the older man falls down into it and Rossi just stands, looking around at the divided group and wonders how their going to carry on without her.

Reid bows his head as his shoulder shakes and Aaron looks over at him.

The younger man blames himself and it’s obvious. “They could have saved her if it wasn’t for me. If I tried harder but.. but I didn’t and now she’s dead” Reid tells him, “It’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault, Reid.” Hotch tells him, “There’s nothing you could have done.”

“How do you know that?” Reid asks and Aaron looks at him.

“She was gone the minute she lost consciousness, Reid. There’s nothing you could have done.”

Spencer looks away and watches as Morgan walks over and takes a seat at Rossi’s side a few feet away. Spencer tries to catch his eye but Morgan can’t even look at him.

“I put him first and now she’s dead, I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for that..” Morgan says quietly to Rossi and the older man looks at him.

“This isn’t your fault. It isn’t his either.” Dave tells him, “You’re going to need each other.”

“I was right here, Rossi.” He tells him, “I was right here when Hotch pulled the plug but I was with Spencer and…If I’d have chosen her, I could have stopped him. I could have said goodbye. The last words I said to her.. they were vile and bitter and I will never forgive myself for those being the last words I say to her.” He sighs, refusing to allow the tears brewing in his eyes to fall. “I was right here, Rossi.”

“I’m sure she knows you didn’t mean them. She knows what she meant to you, Derek.”

“Did she?” He asks and Rossi nods.

“She knew. She always knows.”

JJ and Garcia are the first to leave. Garcia gives Hotch one last look before leaving, still unable to accept that he didn’t let her say goodbye. That he took her from them all again, without telling them.

Morgan then heads over to Reid and takes his hand, nodding a goodbye to Aaron before leading the younger man out of the hospital.

Dave takes a seat next to Aaron.

“Let’s get you home.” He says and Aaron just shakes his head.

“This can’t be happening..” He whispers, “How-”

“I’m so sorry, Aaron.” Dave tells him, “But you should go home.. be with your son.”

“I can’t leave without her..”

“She’s gone, Aaron.” Rossi tells him, “It’s time to go.”

Hotch looks up and takes a deep breath, before nodding and standing up.

“I’ll drive,” He says, “Come on.”

Aaron arrives home and as he walks through the door, the first thing he sees is her coat on the hanger and a pair of her shoes in the stand and he realises then that there’s so much of her in this apartment.

Jessica comes into the hall and sends him a sad smile.

“Jacks asleep,” She tells him, “I’ll be back first thing in the morning, okay?”

“Thank you.”

“I’m really sorry, Aaron. I know how much you loved her.”

“Yeah.” He breaths, running a hand over his face.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Mhm.”

The door shuts and locks behind her as he takes himself to bed, pulling off his suit and just climbs in, not even bothering with anything else.

He trails a hand over the side of the bed where she should be and more tears fall down his cheeks as his heart just continues to ache in his chest so painfully he thinks it might kill him. He pulls her pillow into his chest and presses his face into it, her scent filling his senses as he cries silently for the woman he loved and lost. He knows nothing will ever be the same now, that everything is different.

He doesn’t know how he’s going to live without her. He never planned too.

He doesn’t remember falling asleep but when he wakes, he hums and throws his arm across the bed, expecting to feel Emily lay there. When he doesn’t he frowns and turns, wondering where she could be. He almost sits up and looks for her and that’s when he remembers. Oh. He stares at the ceiling as tears flood his eyes and he can’t breathe anymore. It’s been one day without her and already it feels as though he can’t live without her. For just a few moments when he woke up he had forgotten she was dead, forgotten that he’d watched her take her last breath before being taken out the room by.. he doesn’t know who by. He hears Jack running down the hall towards the bedroom and he knows he should sit up and be strong for hi son, because it what he needs, he needs his father. But he can’t. The grief he feels is so consuming and so overbearing that all he can do is close his eyes and take a deep breath.

Jack wakes up with a gasp, tears running down his face. He looks around and everything looks the same, everything feels the same and so it must have been a dream right? Right?

He gets up and runs to their room, to Emmy and his Dad because he has to see them, he has to jump on the bed and rest between the two of them like he does every morning, with one hand rested gently Emily’s because she would probably still be sleeping, she normally is when he jumps in. As he opens the door and walks in and finds her spot empty, he tilts his head in confusion and looks at his father as the man looks at him, his head still on the pillow.

“Where’s Emmy?” He asks, looking towards the bathroom and finding the door open, so she’s not in there. His Dad doesn’t answer and he looks back at him, confused as his heart hammers in his chest as what he thought was a dream flahses before his eyes.

“What?” Hotch asks him, his voice is horse and it sounds like a cry on his lips as he speaks and Jack just stares at him,

“Emmy..” He says again, “I had a dream that..” But he looks at the pain written all over his face and he feels everything change in that moment, “Oh.” He whispers, looking the floor. He takes a deep breath as he process the event from the day before.

Hotch turns away as he feels tears fall onto his cheek, he doesn’t have the energy to stop them. It’s then that he feels his son climb into bed with him and when the boy rests his head on his chest, he wraps his arms around him.

“I miss Emmy.” The boy whispers and Aaron inhales before swallowing.

“Me too..” He replies back softly, kissing the boy’s head.

“It’s not fair.” The boy mumbles, “Why did she have to go?”

“I don’t know, buddy.” He sighs, “Sometimes the best people are the first ones to go.”

“Like Mommy too?” He questions in a small voice and Aaron takes a deep breath.

“Yeah buddy,” He agrees, “Like Mommy too.”

“I wish they didn’t go away.”

“Me too,” Hotch whispers. Jack closes his eyes and he pulls himself into his Dad more and rests his head on his stomach, falling back into a restless slumber once again as he feels his heart hurt without his Mommy or Emmy here to hold him.

“Please don’t go away, too.” He whispers in a small voice and Hotch wants to sob. He wants to sob because no six year old should have to ask their father to not die. No six year old should be so surrounded by death that it’s something he thinks about.

“I won’t.” He tells him, “Not for a very long time.”

“Do you promise?” The boy asked, pressing his small hand into Hotch’s.

“I promise.” He tells him and Jack nods, lack of sleep and emotional exhaustion over taking his little body.

Aaron falls back to sleep not longer after with tears falling down his face, while he wonders why Emily had to die. Why they couldn’t have been happy.

Three hours later and Jessica let’s herself into the house, keys hanging from her fingers and she frowns at the silence of the home. She had expected the two Hotchner’s to completely be full of life but she had thought they’d be sat on the sofa, Jack eating his breakfast. He was six. Even in times like this he needed routine. Maybe even more in a time like this. She starts to walk towards the master bedroom when a picture catches her eye and she stops, picking up the frame and taking a deep breath. She remembers taking that exact photo at Jack’s sixth birthday just under eight months ago. She remembers how she had to keep the new relationship between her ex brother-in-law and Emily a secret from everyone, even though they were doing a pretty poor job of hiding it themselves. She remembers she’d gotten out her camera to take some pictures of Jack when she saw the three of them standing in their own little bubble. Jack on Emily’s hips while they laughed at something Aaron was saying, Jack with cake on his finger on his way to poke it into his father’s face.. she remembers taking the candid photo and smiling. She’d printed all the photos off a few days later and when she’d seen that one she had to frame and give it to Aaron, and she did. She can still remember the smile on his face when he looked at it and thanked her.

They were so happy. So in love. And it crushes her that Emily is gone. She strokes her finger across it sadly before placing it back down, smiling at the one of Jack and Haley next to it and running a finger down her sister’s face.

“You better be looking after her up there,” She whispers, “Your son adored her, ask her for some stories.”

She heads into the master bedroom and leans against the door frame with a sad smile on her face at what she sees. Jacks lay on his dad’s chest, arms around him and Aaron lay on his back, his head tilted into a pillow that lay next to him, she imagines it’s Emily’s and that breaks her heart even more.

They’re both passed out asleep, their breathing even and she doesn’t want to wake them. Not when this is probably the only peace they’re getting. She knows far too much about loss to rob them that.

She walks back into the main room and sits on the couch, taking a deep breath and grabbing the first magazine she sees, flicking through the pages as she waits for one or both of the boys to rise.

Jack gets up first and he rubs his hand over his eyes as he yawns, forgetting for a few moments that Emily is dead and jumps out of bed too look for her, only to stop in his path instantly when he does, but he’s in the living room at that point and Jessica is looking at him.

“Hey baby,” She smiles, patting the spot next to her for him, “You feeling okay?”

“Emmy is gone..” He says sadly and Jess nods as he walks to her slowly, climbing up and leaning his head on her arm. “Everyone was going away, Aunt Jess.” He says sadly, “Please will you not go away?” He asks her, just like did he Hotch.

“I won’t,” She whispers, “I’m right here.”

“Daddy is really sad..” Jack tells her in a soft tone, his hand grasping hers as though he’s trying to make sure she doesn’t go anywhere. “He misses Emmy.”

“He’ll be sad for awhile, baby.” Jessica says to him, clasping her hand gently in his as his fingers wrap over hers, “It’s okay if you’re sad too.” She whispers to him and he lifts his head to look at her, his cheek squished on her arm.

“Emmy was my bestest friend…” He whispers to her and the sad tone that lingers in his voice cracks her chest in half, “She said I was hers too but we couldn’t tell Daddy because he would get jealous.” There’s a giggle in his voice and a small smile on his face as he speaks about her and Jessica wants to cry for him, for the bond they had, for how much all three of them should have had.

“I’m sure he would.” Jessica grinned down at him and the young boy giggles once again.

One month ago

Jack rested his head on Emily’s arm and sighed, before yawning and closing his eyes.

“Tired?” Emily had asked him and the by just mumbled a response, nodding his head against her arm. She sat up and dragged him with her playfully, hoping him down onto the floor in front of her, his cheeky smile looking back at her.

“What do you want to read?” She’d asked as he took her hand, all but dragging her with him.

“I got this new book from school today…” He suggested, she smiles in response and as he climbs into bed, he yawns again. She ruffled his hair as he lay down and tucks the quilts in at his side while she sat next to him next to his legs.

“I think we skip reading tonight Mister, because you,” She’d said, and pokes his nose, “Are exhausted.”

“Tomorrow?” He’d asked, she nodded. “Emmy?” He said, his voice and high in the tone of a question.

“Yeah?” She responded in the same way. He looked at her for a few moments.

“You are my bestest friend.” He’d told her, and she felt her heart explode. She held back the tears and smiled right back at him.

“Well..and we have to keep this a secret okay, because Daddy will get very jealous.” She jokes with a smile, “But you’re my bestest friend too.”

The grin he beamed at her after she’d spoken made her heart melt in her chest and he kissed his fingers before placing them on her head and she laughed.

“Thank you.” She smiled, before leaning over, kissing his forehead and turning his lamp off.

“Goodnight.” She said, standing at the door, he smiled and curled himself further into the bed.

“Goodnight.” He repeated, smiling to himself as the door shut.

While Jack thinks back to a happier time he, Emily and his father had spent together, in the other room Aaron is in another restless slumber. He was so emotionally exhausted and so heartbroken and he just missed her so much that every time he closed his eye he saw her face. Her smile. Her laugh. Her reaching out to touch him before being dragged backwards and no matter how hard he tries he just can’t get to her and once again he’s pulled from his sleep with a gasp as she falls through his fingers.

He sits up and tries to catch his breath, tears rolling down his eyes as he closes his eyes. He looks over to his left, half expecting her to wrap an arm over him and pull him into her, kiss him on the head and ask him what it was about. He was no stranger to night terrors. Neither of them were. But, of course, she isn’t there, she never will be again. Because she’s gone, and he can’t handle it. His grief consumes him as all he can feel is an overwhelming sense of loss, sadness and pain. It’s numbing. He lays back down on the bed and stares at the ceiling, his mind running wild with her but also just emptiness at the same time, as though he is drawing in his own grief and he can’t escape it. It’s consuming him and he can’t even think about getting out of bed because what’s the point? The woman he loves is dead and. He had to watch her die and he could do nothing. Emily is dead and it’s all his fault.

She wasn’t even supposed to be in the car. He’d made her go with them. She was supposed to stay at the station with him and Rossi but he had been nervous sending them to a suspect’s house whose first language was Spanish without a fluent Spanish speaker, and so he had asked her to go.

“Aaron…” She sighs because she had been unwell all day, having caught Jack’s stomach bug he’d had last week. “Please.” She says, standing and placing two hands on his shoulder, “Don’t say it.”

He smiles at her, “Sorry.” He says, she groans and drops her head, he looks around and notices everyone around them preoccupied and places both of his hands on her back and pulls her into him. “You’re the only one who speaks Spanish.”

“Reid speaks Spanish..” She says softly, resting her head on his shoulders and wraps her arms under his suit and that tells him she is a lot more sick than she had been letting on. Neither of them were a big fan of PDA at work, so this caused worry to rise in his gut, (He’ll learn later that the feeling in his gut wasn’t because she was sick. He’ll also learn that she had not caught the stomach bug. he’ll forever wish he had listened to that gut instinct and kept her in his arms.) Instead he lifted his hand to her forehead and rested her chin on the top of her head.

“Reid speaks everything except Spanish, I think.” He chuckles, “Your temperature has gone down.” He tells her, she hums in response. “I am sorry.” He tells her, “If I didn’t think you had to go, you wouldn’t be.”

“I know.” She says, yawning and pulling herself from his arms, looking up at him. “You owe me.” She smirks and he chuckles, nodding his head.

“I’m sure I can think of something.” He smiles, double checking everyone left in the station at this time is looking elsewhere, before catching her lips in a kiss quick.

“Hmm,” She says as they separate, “What was that for?”

“I love you,” He smiles, unsure of why the desire to tell her that had come over him, but her blush as she bites her lip makes his heart flutter.

“I love you too.” She smiles, stealing another kiss before backing away, “I’ll see you soon.”

“Be careful.” He tells her and she nods, “I’ll see you soon.”

The ‘I’ll see you soon’ will forever remain the last words they’d exchanged, and he holds his breath out of relief, and counts himself somewhat lucky, because they’d said I love you moments before, and not many people get that.

His team didn’t get that, and the guilt of it being his fault chips away at him almost as much as losing her does. But not quite.

There is a knock at his bedroom door then, that forces him to sit up and swing his legs so his feet are on the floor, he takes a deep breath that almost feels painful, and says “Come in.” In a voice he doesn’t even recognize as his own.

“Hey,” Jessica says as she pokes her head through the door, “I’m thinking of taking Jack out for some breakfast to try and get his mind off… everything. I think it would be good for you too, for both of you.” Jessica says softly. Aaron looks to the floor, placing his head in his hands as he sighs.

“Not today,” He tells her, “I was about to shower, actually.” He lies, because he wasn’t. He can still smell her on him, he doesn’t want that scent gone. Not yet. Not ever.

“Jack’s worried about you.” Jessica tells her, “I know it’s only been a few hours but-”

“But what?” He asks, “Jess, please. I.. I can’t do this right now, okay? It’s not even been a full day.”

“Okay,” She says with a nod, “I’ll take him for breakfast. Would you like anything?”

“No, thank you.” He says, a sad smile on his lips but even the sad smile is fake.

“It will get easier, Aaron. I know how much you loved her, I do, but you have a Six year old who loved her just as much.. He’s grieving too. Be there.”

“Yeah..” He mutters, before listening for the bedroom door to shut and when it does, he crawls himself back into bed and holds her pillow close, he can still smell her on it. Closing his eyes, more tears fall down his face as he thinks of her and how he really can not do this without her.

They get back from breakfast and Jess doesn’t expect to find him dressed and ready for the day but she at least thought he would have got himself out of bed. The silence of the home tells her that he is in fact still cocooned in the bed and she decides to let him, because he was right, it hadn’t even been one day. She had passed late last night, the exact time she isn’t sure, but she definitely knows that woman could not have been day even ten hours yet and so she lets him wallow. She distracts Jack with books and movies and lets him tell stories about the woman they’ve just lost and hopes that tomorrow is a better day for them.

Two days after the death of Emily Prentiss Aaron Hotchner gets out of bed for the first time. It’s barely six am but he gets himself up and into the shower. He spots her body wash and shampoo in the corner and almost drops to the floor in sobs, but with a deep breath he picks up her shampoo and smells it, the familiar scent of vanilla filling his nose and he can feel the tears coming down his face and even though he tells himself its the water, that he’s getting through this and it will all be okay, a voice in the back of his head tells him different, he worries if that’s the voice that will win.

Out of the shower, he doesn’t feel any better, not like he really thought he would have. There was still an overbearing ache in his chest when he remembers she’s dead and there’s still an overwhelming pain in his body when he remembers he’ll never see her again, never hear her laugh, never touch her, feel her. She’s just gone, forever, no matter what he does or how many times he begs or prays she isn’t going to come back to him and as he stares at her toothbrush next her his, her left over makeup from their date night last weekend and her towel behind the door he realises that she was so integrated into his life.. Into his heart, that the loss of her may in fact be his undoing.

Three hours later and he is sat on the couch with Jack, the boy watching a film he knows Jack and Emily had watched together weeks ago while he eats some fruit but Hotch just stares into nothing, his thoughts all consumed by Emily. With how much he loved her. With how much they had planned. With how much little time they had together because three years ago he was too scared to tell her how he felt and then before he knew it was she dying on the floor of a warehouse in Boston and he told himself if she came back from that he would tell her, that he would tell her everything.. How he felt, how long he felt it and what he wanted. Then she made it.. But at the same time she didn’t and she was packed off to Paris before he even got a chance to talk to her and so when she arrived back at the BAU ten months later, after they caught and killed Ian Doyle he took himself to her hotel room and he kissed her.

Eleven months ago

Arriving at her hotel room his palms started to sweat, he took a deep breath before knocking on the door, his heart hammering in her chest because, what if she doesn’t feel the same? The door opens just a few moments after he knocks.

“Hotch?” She questions, “What are you doing here?” She looks at him with so much confusion that it makes him almost want to back out of telling her anything at all, but he can’t. No one ever gets a second chance like this and he refuses to waste it.

“Can I come in?” He asks and she nods, stepping aside and letting him through.

“Are you okay?” She asks him and he turns to face her, nodding before tilting his head when he finds her red eyes.

“Are you?” He asks her, “You’ve been crying.” He says gently and she laughs, shaking her head and pulling the sleeves of her jumper down into her palms.

“It’s been a long day.” She sighs, “A long year.”

“How are you?” He asks and she looks at him, “A person you loved died today, right in front of you.. I know what that feels like.”

Emily shakes her head, “I didn’t love him.” She mutters.

“Emily,” He says and she looks up to find him staring at her, “It’s okay.” He tells her gently.

“No,” She laughs, closing her eyes and looking to the floor with a shake of her head, “It isn’t.”

“Why not?” He asks her, “You can’t help who you fall in love with.” He tells her and she looks up and at him, her eyes burning into his as he stares back. There are tears in her eyes and as one falls down her cheek he has to ball his fists up to stop himself from moving towards her and wiping it away.

“Yeah..” She says quietly, looking away from him and wiping the tears herself. There are a few moments of silence when she looks at him again.

“Why are you here, Hotch?” She asks, “It’s been a long day and I really am not in the mood to talk about coming back to work..” She stops, “Did JJ tell you I was thinking of going to Lon-”

“That’s not why I’m here.” He tells her quickly, before stopping and looking at her, “You’re leaving?”

Emily sighs and rubs a hand over her arms and she crosses them.

“Maybe..” She tells him, “Clyde called… said there was an opening at Interpol and I don’t know.” She says, “I think starting over somewhere else is a good idea… It would be better for everyone if I left.” She says, because if today told her anything it was that nothing within the team was the same. Morgan didn’t trust her and Spencer couldn’t believe she would do this to him and Gracia.. Garcia is trying but the smiles she gives her don’t reach her eyes and just none of it feels right.

“Who would it be better for?” He asks her, she shakes her head and refuses to meet his eyes.

She doesn’t answer, just looks at him.

They’ve been doing this dance for years, standing in the middle of whatever they are and whatever they could be. They’d almost had something, but then Fouyet attacked him and he pushed her away to keep her safe and then Haley had died and they didn’t matter anymore because he was shattered and his life was altered and his son was without a mother. Then they had started.. Something again. She’d met Jack and the three of them bonded together in a way that didn’t happen with friends and she felt they were starting to become what they could have been before Foyet when she got the call from Sean and it was her turn to push him away but with no explanations. Then she went to Paris and any hope of them ever being something died with her on the floor of the warehouse in Boston.

“Why are you here, Aaron?” She asks, staring at him and he swallows, before taking a single step towards her.

“Stay.” He tells her simply and she steps back.

“What?” She asks, shock casting over her face.

“Stay.” He tells her again.

“Do I have a reason to?” She questions quietly, and she sees him coming towards her and she feels him cup her face but it all happened so fast that when his lips crash into hers its takes her a moment to process what is happening, but when she does she relaxes into him, fisting his shirt and pulling him closer to her.

“Stay.” He whispers against her mouth as he pulls away, resting his forehead on hers.

The loud knock at the front door pulls him from his thoughts with a jump and he turns towards it, clearing his throat. He looks at Jack with a small, sad smile when he stands and the boy watches him go towards it.

“Dave?” He questions when he opens the door and finds the older man standing there with a file and a grief stricken, tired look on his face.

The older man smiles as best as he can when Aaron steps aside to let him in.

“Hi Uncle Dave.” Jack says from the couch, a small wave in his direction. Dave waves back.

“Hey Jack,” He says, “Do you mind if I steal your Dad for a few moments?” He asks and Jack shakes his head, turning back to the TV while the men head into the kitchen.

“What’s going on?” Aaron asks, rubbing a hand over his face and sitting on a chair, holding an arm out for Dave to take a seat to.

“How are you doing?” Rossi asks and Aaron just looks down.

“I’m fine,” He lies, “How are you?”

“Heartbroken.” Dave tells him honestly, “As is everyone else.” He says and Hotch just nods.

“What are you doing here, Dave? I doubt you came all this way to make small talk.”

“No,” Dave chuckles, “It’s.. it’s about the funeral.” Dave tells hi and Aaron takes a deep breath and just nods. “I called her Mother..”

Hotch freezes and looks at him, he hadn’t even thought of that.

“Thanks,” He mumbles, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck.

“She’s agreed to have us at her house tomorrow with us all to start making preparations. Morgan said he can come and pick you up on his way-”

“No, it’s fine.” He says, “I can manage.”

“Okay,” Rossi says, “Be there by two.”

Aaron just nods and leans back in his chair, wanting nothing more than to crawl back into bed and wallow in his grief.

“Staruss is offering you retirement again, she tells me she did this after Haley died as well.” He says, placing the file on the table, “She wants you to look through the package and let her know by the end of the week.”

Hotch just nods. Dave goes to speak again when the door opens.

“Hey Jack.” Jessica says, “Where’s your dad?”

“In the kitchen with Uncle Dave.” He tells her and Jessica smiles, takin the three bags into the kitchen.

“Hey Dave.” She smiles, placing the bags on the table.

“Hey Jess,” He smiles, he looks at Hotch again, “I’ll see myself out, tomorrow at two.”

“Yeah.” He mutters, and Dave is gone.

“What’s tomorrow?” Jess asks, and Hotch looks at her.

“Planning her funeral.” He tells her and she reaches her and squeezes his hand.

“I’m sorry.” She tells him again and he squeezes it back.

“I know.” He says, before walking out. He kisses Jack on the top of the head before resorting back to his bed, wrapping his arms around her pillow and breathing her scent in once again. He cries himself silently to sleep. He doesnt wake up three hours later when Jack himself climbs in, he pulls the covers over himself and lays his head down. As he takes a breath he realises the pillow he lays on smells exactly like Emily and he smiles, falling asleep wrapped around her once again.

Jessica wakes up four hours later and panics when Jack’s bed is empty, before rushing to the master bedroom and finding the two of them passed out together, she smiles and shuts the door.

“Hello?” He says into the phone. It wakes him up and he wants to scream but in reality it’s half twelve in the afternoon and he hasn’t gotten out of bed since Dave left yesterday.

“Is this Aaron Hotchner?” A perky voice asks, he hums in response.

“Hi! I’m just calling to check you’re still okay with the reservation you’ve booked at our restaurant for Friday night? It says here it’s your one year anniversary, congratulations. We will have the champagne put on ice for you-”

Hotch doesn’t hear anything after that. His heart aches in his chest and he can’t figure out if he’s going to throw up or sob, one year. They were five days away from their one year anniversary when she died… he’d forgotten about it, so caught up in his grief.. in Jack’s grief..

“No.. actually-” He says, clearing his throat. “There will be no need for the table.”

“Oh, may I ask why?”

“She died.” He says, before putting the phone down and sinking back into the bed.

They were almost one year into forever when she was ripped from him. He rolls over, pushing his face into her pillow that still smells like her and he cries.

Eleven Months Ago.

Emily pulls over leg over him so that she is straddling him her arms come to rest of the back of his couch, her chest inches from him and she smiles.

“Urgh,” She jokes, “I hate the term boyfriend.” She teases, he chuckles as he brushes his lips against hers.

“Well,” He whispers, “I guess I’ll just have to marry you then.” He says against her mouth, feeling her smile before latching her lips onto his.

They never will get that wedding. She never will be his wife. He never will be her husband. 

He arrives at the Ambassador’s mansion at exactly two pm. Dave lets him in with a sad smile and he follows the voices of his team and finds them in the living room. Spencer and Morgan are sitting on opposite sides of the room and he starts to wonder why that is until he realises he can not find it in himself to care, JJ sends him a sad smile which he gives her back and Penelope… Penelope still can’t look at him, she’s wiping away her tears and her colourful personality is dimmed down into black.

“Agent Hotchner,”  A woman’s voice says from behind him and he turns to find Elizabeth Prentiss standing there.

“Ambassador Prentiss,” He greets, she eyes him still, looking him up and down before walking past him and taking a seat in a chair.

“Shall we start?” She asks everybody as if they were in a meeting, and everyone just stares at her for a moment before nodding.

They were half way through the discussion when she speaks again.

“She will be buried in the Prentiss Plot, like her father.” She says and everyone stares at her, before looking at Aaron, then back at her.

“I’m sorry?” Aaron questions.

“My daughter will be buried in the Prentiss plot. She never specified in her will where she was to be buried and since the two of you were not married the final decision comes down to me…. She will not be buried as a Hotchner because she was not a Hotchner.”

Every single person in the room stares at her in shock.

“It’s what she would have wanted.” Garcia says softly, hoping if she’s nice enough that the women will agree and give Emily what she wanted. What she deserved.

“No it isn’t- and it isnt you’re right to-” She starts to say but Hotch can’t take it anymore.

“It should be,” He says and Elizabeth stares with fury, “You don’t even know her. You haven’t seen each other for months. Even after everything that happened last year you have made no attempt to fix your relationship with her.” He snaps, “She tried with you, Elizabeth, but just like when she was a child and just like always you were too busy to even bother.” Aaron tells her, “She gave up even trying to reconnect with you three months ago because you stopped returning her phone calls. Do not sit there and tell me you know what she would have wanted when you didn’t even know her.”

Elizabeth has rage coming off her as she stares at him.

“How dare you.” She bites, “How dare you sit there and tell me I did not know my own daughter. Our relationship was complicated, yes but don’t you dare sit there and suggest that I was too busy for her.”

“When was the last time you saw her?” Aaron argues back, “Or even called, for that matter?”

“I don’t think that that is any of your business-”

“It became my business the minute she cried in my arms and asked why she wasn’t enough for you.” He bites back at her and the room falls silent.

“I think that-” JJ tries to say a few moments later but Elizabeth is not quite done with Aaron yet.

“Get out.” She spits at him and everyone falls silent once again.

“I beg your pardon?” Aaron asks, staring at her.

“You come into my house, you insult me, you insinuate that I did not know or care about my daughter and you sprout hurtful stories at me…Get out.” She says to him, “You are not welcome here.”

Aaron laughs bitterly and stands, heading towards the door when she stands.

“And you are not welcome at her funeral.”

“Miss Prentiss-” JJ starts as everyone’s eyes go wide. Rossi stands.

“Now, you can not-” Dave starts to say but Elzabeth silences him,

“I can, and I have.” She says, her eyes not leaving Aaron, “You are not welcome at my Daughters funeral and if you are even seen on the premises you will be removed.”

Aaron just stares at her, before nodding and leaving the house. He doesn’t have it in him to argue with her. He doesn’t have it in him to do anything.

He’s telling Jessica what had happened when Jack grabs his hand and wraps his fingers around his. Aaron bends down and his son smiles sadly.

“It’s okay, Daddy.” He says, “We can have our own funeral for her,” He tells him and Hotch feels himself smile at the huge heart that his little boy has, “Right?” He questions, looking at both him and Jessica.

“Yeah buddy,” He says, “We can.”

Jack wraps his arms around him and Hotch pulls him close, running a hand down his back.

Penelope is sat with Elizabeth while they talk about arrangements, others sat in stunned silence while they try to process the fact that Aaron just got banned from being at Emily’s funeral.

Elizabeth listened as the woman next to her spoke and at every word just felt her heart shatter more and more because she started to realise that in fact, Aaron had been correct, she did not know her daughter, listening to what the woman was saying was like hearing about a stranger.

“That’s enough,” She says gently and Garcia stops and looks at her, “I think.. I think it would be best if I did allow Agent Hotchner to plan this.” She tells them, “Tell him he can bury her where he thinks she should want to be and.. Tell him he’s welcome.” She says, before standing and leaving the room.

Everyone watches her go before turning to Penelope.

“I’ll call Hotch.” Rossi says. “But.. I don’t think he’s in the right headspace to plan this..”

“We’ll figure it out.” JJ smiles and the man nods, placing the ringing phone to his ear and walking out.

“I’ll do it,” Garcia says, “Hotch can’t plan the funeral of another woman he loves and I can’t ask Dave and- and I’ll do it because I owe this to her. I owe it to her because she was my friend.. she was my very special friend.” Her voice cracks towards the end and as looks to the floor, wiping her eyes.

They bury her on a warm day in the fall. Jack stands in front of his father, the man’s hands over his shoulder as she’s lowered down. There are tears down his face but Hotch remains standing straight, holding back his emotions, watching with a broken heart as she lowered to the ground for the second, but final time.

JJ grips Will’s hand tightly as she closes her eyes, taking a deep breath, Garcia then loops her hand in hers and the woman faces her and nods, before turning back.

Penelope has tears streaming down her face as she watches, she looks over to the Hotchner’s and just wishes there was something she could do for them, but the only thing they want is her back and that is something she just can not do, no matter how much she wishes she could. She wants to hug Hotch and tell him it’s okay, that she forgives him but she can’t. All she can think about is the fact that her friend died and he didnt let her say goodbye. Again.

Spencer is standing a few feet away from her, staring at the casket being lowered into the ground as he holds his breath. He can feel Morgan inches from him and all he wants is to reach out and grab his hand but he doesn’t know if he can. Ever since Emily died they’ve been… different. Spencer knows that Morgan blames him and he accepts that. It’s his fault anyway.

As the casket lowers into the ground, Hotch feels the grief for two, because along side Emily in that casket is their baby, their baby that will never be. The baby they will never hold, or name or watch grow up. He will never tell anyone about them. They don’t deserve the right, simply due to the fact that she never knew. Emily will never, ever know that they had created a life together before hers was taken, alongside theirs.

As the casket reaches the bottom with a small thud, as he and jack place some mud into the grave, along with some flowers, as he watches his team do the same, he can’t help but feel like his future is buried right there with her, and he doesn’t see a way through it.

One month after Emily dies, he goes back to work. Jack’s started sleeping through the night again and there are no more nightmares.

Every Sunday night it’s no longer one candle the young boy lights, it’s two. Haley and Emily.

He and Aaron will sit on the floor in the living room, place the candles on the table and Jack tells them both about his week, about school, he’ll tell them he still misses them everyday and that he is still so sad but that he’s going to be strong for them. He tells them he loves them and he looks to his Dad, who will then do the same.

He’ll share a funny, but PG story about something one of the team did at work for Emily and then a funny story about Jack or Jessica for Haley. He’ll tell them he misses and loves them and Jack will blow the candles out and smile at the smoke.

Jack will go to bed then and like every other night previously, Aaron will sit on the couch, grab Emily’s jumper he keeps under it, bring it too his face and he will cry for her. For their baby. For them.

Everything in the apartment reminded him of her. Her smell still lingered in their bed, her shampoo and body wash remained exactly where she had left them, her clothes remained in his draws, unmoved. The coat she’d left still hung up next to his, her shoes still on the stand.

He knows JJ and Penelope had cleaned out her apartment weeks ago because they’d handed Dave the clothes he had scattered around there and with a sad look in his eyes, he gave them back to him.

Those clothes remained in the laundry room of his apartment. He won’t wash them. He won’t wear them again.

The mug she had drank out of the morning they had left for North Carolina still stood unwashed and untouched in his sink. Her lipstick still on the rim of the mug and he remembers the way she had smiled at him from under it as he spoke to her that morning. The way she chuckled lightly when he winked at her before trying to get Jack ready for school.

He remembers that he’d kissed her quickly before he left like he would do it for the rest of his life. He remembers it all. He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget. He doesn’t want too.

Two months after Emily dies Hotch is no better. His smiles, however rare they were in the first place, are now non existent. The team brings up depression and they talk about how he should see someone about his grief but he pushes them away with a single “I’m fine” and ends the conversation.

Jack struggles to bring his father out of his grief, he spends most of his time with Jessica, but every now and then Aaron will take his son to the park, or to the beach and they will smile, they will laugh and everything would feel like it was before.

Sometimes Jack can hear his father crying, so he jumps from his bed and walks into his bedroom, jumping onto the bed and laying next to him. Hotch will take a breath and hold back the remainder of his tears and Jack will lean over to wipe them.

“You did this for me when I was having my nightmares,” He whispers to him when he wipes a tear from his face and Aaron chuckles.

“Thank you, buddy.” He whispers back and the boy smiles.

Aaron’s grief consumes him. It’s overwhelming the way he loves her and it’s overbearing the way he misses her. Grief is all he feels. Grief, heartbreak, loss, emptiness and anger.

He wants to get over this for the sake of his son and he tries but he just can’t. It’s overtaken him and he can not get out of the pit the loss of her has put him in. He feels like he can’t even breathe without her. Everything feels harder than it should and he just can’t do it. He’s trying for Jack but it’s starting to eat him alive, the guilt, the loss, the memories, everything.

It’s a Thursday night as he stares at the bottom of an empty bottle with tears running down his face, a picture of him and Emily in his hands that he becomes haunted by the thought that his own son might not even be enough to get him through this.

Three months after Emily Prentiss died a man named Peter Lewis enters his life and from the moment the killer sets eyes on Agent Hotchner he knows that’s the one whose mind he can break easily. That’s the one who he can snap in half. With a grim smile he watches, and plans his attack.

Three weeks and two days later Aaron Hotchner is walking from the parking lot towards his car when there is a sharp needle in his neck and a voice behind him. He’s falling to the floor slowly as his mind clouds over and all he can think about is that the whole thing is sort of…peaceful.

Peter Lewis places the mask over Hotch’s mouth and let’s the drugs do their job, leaning over him and whispering..

“When you wake up.. Your precious son will be dead, you watched me kill him before I brought you here.” He smiles to himself, “You will see the person you love the most and when they hand you the gun.. you’ll know what you have to do.”

What he thinks will happen is he will see Jack’s mother, he thinks she will tell him to kill his team when they walk through the doors and that he’ll do it, before his brain snaps like everyone else’s and he’ll become Mr Scratch, leaving Peter Lewis to roam free.

What he doesn’t expect is for Aaron Hotchner to be depressed and in love with a dead woman named Emily Prentiss. What he doesn’t expect is for the man to be suicidal, the grief of losing the woman he loves and their baby almost too much for him to handle.

What he doesn’t is expect that his son was the last thing keeping him holding on.

He doesn’t expect a lot of things that he should have.

Aaron wakes with a gasp and looks around the room. He sits up and feels for his gun to find himself without it.

Looking around again he notices that he’s in a house he does not recognise and doesn’t know how he got to. He feels a slight twinge in his neck and it jolts something inside of his mind. He sees flashes of a man breaking into his house, he can hear his son screaming for him and he… he remembers fighting a man who was going after his little boy. He closes his eyes as he tries to force himself to remember more when there’s a loud sound from another room. He stands up and walks towards it, only to freeze when he’s met with the man he sees in his flashes.

“Where is my son?” Aaron asks the man, who laughs in response.

“You don’t remember?” He asks, “Think.” He tells him, and Hotch looks around his unfamiliar surroundings again.

“What have you done with him?” Aaron asks, his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

“You really don’t remember?” Peter Lewis questions and he steps towards him. Hotch watches every move the man takes but he won’t step back. Not until he finds his son. “He’s dead Agent Hotchner.” He smiles and Aaron didn’t think he could ever, ever, feel anymore pain but he was wrong. Those words slash through him like a knife. He steps backwards and takes a breath, shaking his head and looking around the room.

“You were there, remember?” Peter Lewis pushes, Hotch looks around. “A bullet.. right between his eyes. You watched…” As he hears the words Hotch’s mind starts to piece it together and… he can see his son lay on the floor, his eyes open, staring blankly at him and he remembers trying to get to him before being pulled under by whatever was put into his neck.

“You.. you killed my son?” Hotch asks, tears running down his face.

Peter Lewis just smiles before walking off slowly and Hotch wants to go after him but he can’t. His mind is foggy and it’s putting pieces together, sending him dizzy. He hits the floor with a thud as his mind clouds over once again.  

The team realise he’s missing an hour and a half after he left that night after a call from Jessica to Rossi, asking if Hotch had left yet because Jack can’t sleep unless Aaron puts him to bed.

The CCTV footage from the parking garage tells them all they need to know and they’re working immediately.

“This is bad, Rossi.” Morgan tells them as they stare at the board, “The man’s mind is already…” He pauses, “Whatever happens to him, whatever Peter Lewis does to him.. I don’t see him coming back from it. He still hasn’t come back from losing Emily.”

Aaron comes to again a few moments later and with a foggy mind, dizzy and confused he sits up and stands. In his mind all he can see is Peter Lewis in his apartment, Peter Lewis holding a gun up to his screaming little boy and firing. He can see Jack staring blankly at him before he sees nothing.

His phone rings then and he frowns in confusion about how he still has it.

“Answer it,” He hears Peter Lewis say from somewhere.

“Hello?” He says down the phone, looking around the room he’s in.

“Aaron?” The voice says and Aaron stops, “It’s Dave.”

“Dave?” He questions, “What-“

“Tell us where you are.” Dave commands and Aaron looks around once again, searching for windows, maybe a front door but there is nothing.

“I don’t know…” He mumbles, “He…he killed Jack.” His voice cracks and he wants to scream.

“What?” Dave questions, “Who did?”

“Peter Lewis. He’s here.. somewhere. I don’t know. But I saw it… I saw him…”

“Aaron.. listen to me.” Dave tells him sternly, “Listen.”

“Okay…” He whispers, sinking down onto the floor.

“Mr Scratch did not kill your son. Jack is not dead.”

“What?” He says, confused and shaking his head. “But-”

“But you saw it, I know. That’s what he does. He drugs people into seeing whatever he wants them to. You know this, Aaron. Fight it.”

Hotch doesn’t say anything, just remains silent while his mind shatters to pieces. Imagines of him and Emily flash before him, her laughing, smiling then her under a car. Then it’s him and Jack and they’re smiling and laughing but then… but then Peter Lewis kills his son. He see’s it happen and it looks so real.

“Aaron!” Dave shouts again, “Fight it. Fight it.”

Aaron goes to speak when theres a noise from somewhere infront of him and when he opens his eyes.. he see’s her.

“Emily?” He questions, almost as if he doesn’t believe his own eyes. She smiles and bends down in front of him. His breath catches in his throat as she looks at him.

“Hi.” She says softly, “Don’t listen to them. They’re lying.” She tells him. He just stares at her and reaches out to touch her, and when his fingers touch her skin he quickly pulls them back.

“How.. what?”

“Aaron!” Rossi shouts down the phone again and Hotch puts it back to his ear.

“Yeah..” He says but it’s obvious in the way he says it that the hallucination of Emily has his complete attention, not that they blame him, some of them even wish it was them seeing her.

“Listen to me, okay? Listen.”

“I am..” He says, still looking at Emily as she sits in front of him, a smile on her lips and he reaches out to touch her once again before freezing just before his fingers reach her cheek.

“That is not Emily.” Are the words that freeze him, “Jack isn’t dead and that is not Emily and you need to find a way out of there.” Rossi shouts.

“Why?” He whispers, “It’s her. She’s here. I can see her…”

“It’s not her, Aaron. Emily is dead, Aaron. She isn’t there. You know that.”

But he doesn’t. He doesn’t know that. He was already so broken before Peter Lewis drugged him that his mind had now shattered completely and to him what he was seeing was true. It was true and she was here. His son was dead and she was here. He had nothing left to fight for.

“Emily..” Aaron whispers again, before putting the phone down.

“Aaron you need to get out of there,” Rossi tells his sternly, “Even though the thought of a life without Emily is heart breaking and I know how much pain you’re in, there is a six year old waiting for you at home who’s going through the same thing. He needs you, Aaron.” He says, “Jack isnt dead and that is not Emily.”

There is silence for a few moments before Hotch ends the call, as as the beep of the loss of singal echos around the room, Rossi stands.

“Track that call!”

She smiles as he ends the call and puts the phone of the floor, his eyes transfixed on her.

“I’ve missed you.” She tells him, reaching for his hand and when she takes it and he feels it on his own, tears fall from his eyes because she’s here. she’s back.

“I missed you too.” He whispers, smiling at her. He looks at her and tilts his head into her hand when she cups his cheek and he can’t help but notice just how cold she is. He intertwines her fingers with his as they rest of his cheek and he sighs.

“Jack’s dead?” He whispers, and Emily nods softly.

“Yeah…” She replies, “I’m sorry, honey”

“He killed him..” He says and Emily nods her head again. She pulls her hand from her cheek slowly, but keeps their fingers locked together as she starts to stand. He follows her actions and when they’re stood, he stares at her.

“Do you trust me?” She asks with a smile while she locks their hands together, he nods.

“Always.” He tells her and she smiles.

“Follow me.” She says and leads him into a different room. They stand in front of a closed door and before she opens it she looks back at him.

“What’s this?” He asks her and she smiles, opening it and he looks inside. “Is that-”

“That’s our daughter.” She tells him, unlocking her fingers from his and walking towards the little girl sat on the floor. Emily crouches down next to her and they both stare at him.

“How?” He whispers, he walks in and bends down in front of them both. “They said you didn’t know..”

“I didn’t..” She says, “But I know now.”

“She looks just like you.” He tells her with a smile and she nods.

“Come on,” She says and grabs his hand again, pulling him away from the little girl who waves goodbye to him, he’s still looking behind him as they leave the room.

“Emily.. what is going on?”

“What do you mean?” She questions, standing in front of him in what looks to be a living room. It’s not one he recognises.

“How are you here?” He whispers, “You’re.. you’re dead.”

Emily stands in front of him and rests both her cold hands on his face and nods.

“Yeah.” She whispers, “But I really missed you.”

“I miss you too, god.. you have no idea.” He tells her but she’s pulling away and he wants to follow her but he can’t move.

“It’s so cold, Aaron.” She tells him, there’s tears in her eyes, “It’s so cold, and it’s so dark.” She whispers, “I’m cold…” She says again, looking at him.

“Emily-” He starts to say but he can’t finish it because he remembers her saying this the first time. How when she coded in the ambulance all she felt was darkness and cold and it’s been haunting him for months thinking what if she’s cold where she is? What if it’s dark? And to have her say the words to him breaks his already shattered heart.

“Aaron,” She whispers and he looks at her, there’s blood down her face and coming from her mouth and he’s seeing flashes of her once again pinned under a car. “I need you.” She tells him, “You’re the only place I feel safe. I don’t feel safe here. Its so cold. It’s so dark. It’s so lonely.”

He loves her so much that this is torture for him to hear this. To hear that this whole time she has been in the dark, cold and alone. He reaches out for her but he can’t reach her.

“Let me help you. Please.”

She walks towards him and presses something heavy in his hard and he looks down to find a gun. His eyes snap up to hers and she’s smiling, nodding her head.

“I love you.” She tells him, “Please. Help me.”

“But-” He wants to say what about Jack but then he remembers that his little boy was dead. His son was gone, taken by the man who’d brought him here and he had nothing left now.

He loved her so much and she’s cold, she’s scared and she’s alone. There is a gun in his hand and in one click it’s all over he can join Emily where she is and she won’t have to be cold and alone anymore. He can join Jack.. and Haley and they can all be together.

“It’s okay,” She nods as she lifts the gun for him, it’s balanced against his temples and her hands are on his cheeks and she’s so cold, he can feel it on his skin and it makes him shiver. He’s starting at her but he’s not afraid, he smiles at her and she’s smiling right back. “We’re waiting for you.” She says and then there’s people behind her. Not just people but, Jack, his little boy, he’s in his mother’s arms, who’s nodding her head in his direction and then there’s the little girl with dark hair that looked much like him and Emily he could not believe it.

He stares at Emily once more and she smiles at him.

“I love you.” She whispers to him, he sighs, nodding his head and the gun goes off.

His hallucinations fade away just as he does.

He dies instantly.

The team rush into the building to find Peter Lewis waiting from them on a chair in the middle of the abandoned building, laughing.  

“He was more broken than I thought.” He laughs, “I can’t even be angry that I’ve been caught. Watching him so...shattered, was better than I could have imagined.”

“Where is he?” Rossi shouts as Morgan picks the guy of the chair and handcuffs him.

Peter Lewis laughs and looks at him, “If you thought everybody you loved was dead, and the one person you loved more than anything was telling you how cold they were.. where would you go?”

Everyone freezes, before taking off in a run. Peter Lewis is handed to local PD as they search the house.

JJ runs into an empty room and spots his legs, he’s lay on the floor and for a moment she lets out a sigh of relief until she realises he isn’t moving. She walks slowly towards him, her heart hammering against her chest and she can’t breathe because surely, surely this isn’t happening. It can’t be.

“Hotch?” She calls, taking slow steps, “Hotch..” She says again when she reaches him and at first glance it just looks like he’s lay there, but then she spots the gun in his hand and the bullet hole is his head and he’s staring so blankly at her she feels like she might throw up. All she can do is scream.

It’s JJ’s scream that gives them all his location and as the blonde woman falls backwards into Morgan’s arms, they all see the sight she had.

Aaron Hotchner lay dead, a bullet hole in his temple, a gun in his hand in the middle of the floor of an abandoned building.

Rossi walks over and bends down, closing the man’s eye while he ignores the cries of JJ as Morgan holds her tightly.

“It’s okay,” He whispers to the dead man, “You rest now.”

They all arrive back at the BAU and the first person they break news to is Garcia.

Morgan is the one to tell her and when the words leave his mouth all Garcia can do is scream before almost dropping to the floor, collapsing in Morgan’s arms as he holds her up and brings her into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

“He can’t be dead!” She cries, “He can’t be…he can’t die thinking I hated him.” She’s sobbing into his chest and Morgan holds back his own tears as he holds her close.

“He didn’t think that.” He whispers, rubbing a hand down her back.

“He did!” She cries, “He died thinking that I couldn’t forgive but I did.”

“He knows, Penelope.” Morgan reassures her, “He knows.”

Jessica and Jack walk into the BAU with no idea what to expect.

Dave guides Jessica into his office while JJ sits with Jack. They have no idea how to break the news to the six year old who is now an orphan. Every parental figure he has gone.

“He’s dead, isn’t he.” Jessica says, looking at Dave. The man nods slowly, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“His name was Peter Lewis. He.. he drugged Aaron and-”

“I don’t need to know the specifics.” She tells him, shaking her head and looking at Jack as he talks to JJ.

“What do I tell him?” She whispers, “How are they all dead?”

“Life is cruel.” He says to her, “I find peace in that he’s with Emily.”

“Where’s Jack’s peace?” She questions, looking at the older man, “He lost three parents in two years. How does a little boy get through that?”

“With time.” Rossi says softly, “With help.”

Jessica and Dave look back to the boy who sits and waits for them, not knowing that his dad had joined his mother and Emily. Not knowing he was alone.

In the end it’s Dave who breaks the news to him because Jessica just can’t do it. She tries, but as the boy’s eyes stare into hers she just can’t.

Dave takes over and crouch’s down in front of the boy, smiling sadly at him.

“Hey Jack.” He whispers and Jack just looks at him and he already knows what is coming. He’s been through this twice now.

“Is Daddy gone?” He asks, “Did he join Emmy?”

“Yeah, buddy.” Dave says after a few moments, “I’m sorry.”

Jack looks down, tears burning in his eyes. He leans forward and wraps his arms around Dave.

“He promised me.. Uncle Dave. He promised me he wouldn’t go away like everyone else. Why did he lie?” Jack cries into his neck and Dave just holds the boy tighter.

“He tried very hard to stay for you, Jack. Really really hard.” He lies to the boy because he doesn’t need the truth. He wouldn’t understand it. He’s better without it. There’s movement behind Dave and Jack looks up to find JJ standing there. He slowly pulls away from him and heads towards the woman. Looking at her with wide eyes and she smiles, bending down to be eye level with him.

“He lied, Miss Jennifer..” He whispers to her and she shakes her head, wiping his tears with her thumb.

“Come here,” She whispers and scoops the boy into her, holding him tightly as she stands. The boy cries into her neck because what she forgot was that she was wearing Emily’s perfume and all the boy could smell while he rested in her arms was Emily.

“You smell like her.” Jack whispers as he rests his head on her shoulder. “I miss them.”

“Me too, baby.” She says, kissing his head.

Jessica takes the boy home an hour later and as they lay in her bed, him resting softly next to her, he asks her a question that breaks her in half.

“Is it just me and you now Aunt Jess?” He asks her. She turns to face him and runs a hand through his hair.

“Yeah baby,” She tells him, “Just me and you.”

“You’re not going to leave?”

“No.” She shakes her head, “I’m right here.”

The two candles turn into three and as he tells his parents about his day, Jessica watches with a sad smile and just hopes that the young boy makes it through this.

They bury Hotch next to Emily four months and two days after her funeral. Jack stands in front of Jessica, watching as another casket is lowered to the ground. Spencer and Morgan stand two feet away, hands grasped together and they hold back their tears, Penelope’s hand wrapped in Morgan’s other, tears falling freely from her face. JJ and Will stand two feet away from them, Will holds her close as they watch. JJ can’t take her eyes away from Jack, the little boy who lost so much so quickly.

As the boy places a rose on each grave, the team cry silently.

“Let’s go give the other rose to mommy.” They hear Jessica whisper to him after a few moments and the boy nods, taking her hand and letting her guide him through the small walk of the cemetery to where his Mother was buried in the Brookes plot.

The team come by and visit Jack for a few months after Aaron and Emily’s deaths. They go to as many of  his soccer games that they can, they try to take him on days out and make him feel as though he’s still a part of their family. He has play dates with Henry and for a few months they’re doing what they know Aaron and Emily would have done for them and try and help Jack through the process.

Yet, one by one the team just stopped coming over to see him. It’s too hard. He has Haley’s eyes and Hotch’s face but he also has Emily’s mannerisms and it’s too hard for them to see it. He reminds them of all they’ve lost and soon no one comes to see him anymore and he’s never understood why everyone always leaves him.

Why didn’t anybody ever stay?

So when Jack snaps at sixteen because everybody he loves is dead and everybody else left him alone to deal with the repercussions,  it’s the team he goes after.

He manages to get all of them apart from one before they catch him.

Rossi is first because.. that was Uncle Dave. That was Uncle Dave and why didn’t he stay? Why did he leave?

He shoots him in the chest because it’s his first one and he hasn’t quite got the hang of it yet. Dave looks at him and takes a hollow breath,

“It’s okay, kid. I get it. I’m sorry I left you. I forgive you..” and he won’t stop talking. Jack shoots him in the head and just like that there’s silence. He bends down and looks at the older man. “It didn’t have to be this way Dave, but you didn’t stay. Why didn’t you stay? Why didn’t anybody just stay?”

Spencer is next because he was like a brother to Emily and a man his own father treated more of like a son than he did him and it has always upset him that after just two months without them he put them and him in the past and moved on. When he’s done Spencer, a gun shot to the chest, he moves onto Morgan because he was supposed to be the protector of the group and he had promised him he would be there but then once again had chosen Spencer. Just like he had done with his father, like he had Emily.

As they’re both dying, gripping each other’s hand as they take their final breaths he scoffs because “Why should you get to die together when they didn’t?” They bring Emily and Aaron. They being him and his family.

It’s JJ next because he can’t believe that after everything Emily did for her she just left him when he was just a child with no parents. She even has a child herself and Henry was his friend and so why did no one help him?

He doesn’t make it to Penelope before he’s caught. When he’s asked by detectives and Agents why he did what he did he looks them straight in the eye before answering.

“Because they made promises they couldn’t keep, and they left me. My parents died for them and they couldn’t keep their promises.”

Garcia buries all of her friends in the fall and when a leaf falls over the middle of where Emily and Aaron have lay for the last ten years, she thinks maybe Jack sparing her what their way of saying they forgive her for not being there for him and takes it as a sign to be there for him now.

Penelope visits Jack in prison every week for five years. She bumps into Jessica every now and then and they talk about their lost friends. About Jack.

Jack spends the rest of his life in prison. Forever missing his parents and forever holding a grudge against those who left him on their own accord. He doesn’t forgive those he killed and he doesn’t think he ever will.

He has a picture of him and his mother on the wall, as well as a picture of him, his father and Emily.

“I miss you,” He whispers to their pictures one night three years later, “I’ll see you soon.”

fin