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Kate scowled as she took in the filled-up tables and study space in the library. In truth it was her own fault for getting here so late. Why she has assumed the library would be empty with January exams coming up in a couple of weeks she didn’t know. After all, she was down here for same reason as everyone else. Except everyone else had bothered to get here early. She shifted her bag onto her other shoulder and began wandering past the groups of students who’d already bagged seats in the hope of finding a table in a back corner somewhere. The first floor had been completely taken up, but very often you could find a table in a back corner on the second floor to use. Those ones often got overlooked and Kate was hoping today would be the same. She knew she could just go home and study there. But Edwina and her friends - all of whom didn’t have exams to study for – were having a movie marathon, meaning the library was her only option.
The scowl fell slightly as she spied a table tucked into the back corner. Although she could only see half of it, it looked empty. Kate hurried through the high bookshelves towards the table in the hopes of claiming it first. She’d seen a few other students hunting for spare seats to study and she didn’t need them getting their hands on this one. Kate reached the table, but her triumphant smile was immediately replaced by another scowl.
“Damn.”
Although only one seat was taken up; it was taken by Anthony Bridgerton. It was clear he hadn’t yet noticed her. He was busy reading the book in front of him and his thick chestnut hair fell over his face to block anything else from view. Kate bit her lip. Although they shared a few lectures together each week, that interaction was more than enough for her. It wasn’t that they didn’t like each other. It was just that every time they did speak they seemed to end up having verbal sparring sessions. She didn’t know what it was about Anthony, but the very sight of him just irritated her. Having to sit and revise at the same table as him, wasn’t what she would call an ideal plan. Yet it was the only spot that was still free, and she needed to study. Kate sighed. She didn’t have much choice.
“Excuse me?”
He didn’t look up. Kate narrowed her eyes. It would be typical of Anthony to just completely ignore her. But when she looked closer she could see a wire hanging in front of his jumper. It trailed over the table to his phone and from the way he was tapping his fingers, Kate assumed he had music on. Not wanting to wait there all day, she pulled the opposite chair out and dropped her bag down.
“Excuse me!”
Anthony’s face shot up and one of the earphones fell from his ear. Kate gestured to the empty half of the table.
“Do you mind. Everywhere else is full.”
Anthony didn’t say anything at first. Instead he just reached over and tapped his phone screen. Kate rolled her eyes at the deliberate slowness of him putting his earphones away and moving his stuff to give her more space.
“So….can I sit down?”
Anthony raised an eyebrow. “Why Katharine, if you’d simply wanted to spend time in my company all you had to do was ask.”
“Don’t call me that.” She sat down with a bump. “And trust me, this is not how I planned to spend my afternoon either. But I have an exam to study for, so I don’t have much choice.”
“Of course.” He smirked. “And you just happened to pick a seat at the same table as me.”
“Everywhere else was full.” Kate replied. “As much as you’d love to think this – like everything else – is about you. It’s not. I just want to study okay?”
She expected Anthony to reply with some sharp retort. But instead he simply nodded and glanced over at her pile of books.
“You seem….prepared.”
“Yeah I have two History essays due as well. But they aren’t due until Feb, so the exams are kinda my biggest focus. Especially the first one.”
Anthony nodded. “Yeah. I’m a bit nervous about it myself. I spent most of the Christmas break wondering why I agreed to study both Politics and Economics.”
Kate got her books out. “Well I barely scraped a C in GCSE Maths so an Economics exam would probably kill me.”
“Well I got A’s in both GCSE and A-Level and it’s killing me.” Anthony smiled weakly. “But….you’ll be fine with the exams. I mean you’re the brightest student in our Politics class..”
Kate waited for him to finish with “after myself of course.” But he didn’t. She glanced at his face for any sign that he was about to make a joke. But she found none.
“Um….thanks.” She pulled a book towards her and opened it at the relevant chapter.
“I should actually get some studying done so…”
“Yeah.” Anthony nodded. “Me to.”
Kate settled into her seat. A quick glance at Anthony told her he’d put his earphones back in. She didn’t get how people could study and listen to music, but each to their own. Although maybe she should give it a go herself. Because whilst she was trying to concentrate on the chapter about the political climate of the Regency Era, her brain kept moving back towards Anthony Bridgerton and the way his chestnut hair framed his annoyingly handsome face.
“Kate?.....Kate?......Katharine!"
Kate’s head snapped up. “I said don’t call me that!”
“Well given it’s what you seem to answer to I think I might stick with it.” Anthony grinned. “I was just going to go to the canteen and wondered if you wanted anything?”
“Err…” Kate had brought a bottle of water and some food from home but had forgotten her purse which meant any on campus food purchases were out of the question.
“Kate?”
“Um….no thanks. I’m good.”
Anthony raised an eyebrow. “You sure. A bottle of water isn’t exacting comforting on a freezing January day. Or are you doing one of these stupid diet fads where you don’t drink hot drinks?"
Kate narrowed her eyes. “No I’m not doing some stupid diet craze. Those things are downright dangerous.”
Anthony held his hands up. “Okay. Jeez calm down. It was just a joke.”
Kate sighed. “I forgot my purse, so I don’t actually have any money to get anything. But thanks for the offer.”
Anthony shook his head. “My treat.”
Kate raised an eyebrow. “What’s the catch? With you there is always a catch.”
Anthony shook his head. “No catch I promise. So did you want anything?”
“Hot chocolate.” Kate nodded. “With extra chocolate sprinkles please.”
Anthony nodded. “Keep an eye on my stuff. I’ll be back in a bit.”
Kate waited for him to go, but Anthony was instead shuffling his feet as though he had something else to say.
“Yes?” Kate prompted.
“Um…” Anthony seemed almost nervous. “That thing I said earlier about you doing a crazy diet trend. It was just a joke. I wasn’t trying to imply that you needed to….I mean you look great! You would never need to diet or….” He trailed off and Kate could see his cheeks flushing.
“I’m gonna go and get us some drinks.” Anthony finished. Kate nodded.
“Okay. See you in a bit.”
“Right. Um…right.” With a now, Anthony turned and made his way through the library. Kate watched his retreating figure for a few moments before turning her attention to her books. She’d like to say she could now focus on her revision with Anthony gone. But that would be a lie because her brain could only really focus on two things. One: that her and Anthony had managed to get along. Two: Anthony had given her a genuine compliment. And both of those things had Kate grinning from ear to ear.
Kate wasn’t sure how it happened, but her and Anthony had somehow become unofficial study partners. They had somehow managed to end up meeting at the same table at the same time each day and after the first week they’d both just agreed to keep meeting up to study together. At first Kate had assumed that once the exams were over things would go back to normal and she’d barely see him beyond the lectures they shared.
Except she was wrong.
Although he’d finished his own exams, Anthony had offered to help her with her History essays. Kate hadn’t needed his help, but she wasn’t yet ready to give up studying with him. Plus he made himself useful by bringing hot drinks from the canteen to keep her going. Kate offered to pay every single time, but he always refused.
“I’m costing you a fortune in hot drinks.”
“It’s fine.” He shook his head. “Really it’s fine.”
“But-”
“Call it my way of apologising.” He cut her off. “This is me apologising for being such an arrogant and irritating jerk to you when we first met.”
Kate smirked. “You were a complete pain in the arse.”
Anthony grinned. “Well you gave as good as you got Katharine.”
Kate rolled her eyes. Although he did call her Kate like everyone else; every so often he used her full name. But whereas it used to irritate her; hearing it roll of Anthony’s lips made her smile. It somehow sounded right when he said it. Not that she would ever admit it.
Even when she’d handed in her essays they still met up to go over stuff from their shared classes and to help each other with anything from their individual ones. Although whereas Anthony was knowledgeable enough on History; Kate failed epically when it came to anything numbers related. Within weeks their main topics of conversation had shifted from their studies to each other. Kate soon discovered Anthony was one of eight siblings and that he loved periods dramas. She on the other hand confessed to loving comic book films and that her favourite singer was Elvis Presley. Kate told Anthony how Edwina was actually her step-sister and that Mary was her step-mum. He expressed sympathy when she told him about her own parents and that led him to confide that his own father had died when he was eighteen.
“I’m sorry.” She blurted out. “I know it’s not easy to lose a parent.”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “It was tough. Mum was pregnant with Hyacinth at the time as well. It was really sudden so….” He shrugged. “I didn’t cope that well at first. I had been about to go to uni, but I took a few years out to help mum and look after everyone.”
“Wow. That’s really selfless of you.”
“They’re my family. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them.”
Kate nodded. “I did wonder at the fact you’re twenty-five but only a second-year student. I guess that explains it.”
Anthony nodded. “Yeah I needed some time.”
He paused and Kate could see a glimmer of tears in his eyes.
“Anthony?” She reached over and took his hand. “Anthony if you ever…I know lots of people say if you need to talk to them then you can. But I know what’s like to lose a parent so I would get it. Whatever it was.”
He gave a small nod before blinking his tears away.
“It’s fine. But thanks though.”
Kate doubted it was ‘fine’, but she let it go. She knew from her own experience that pushing people to open up about grief would just make them close up even tighter.
She didn’t want to do that to Anthony.
Anthony checked his phone for the umpteenth time but still no message from Kate. Even now he still couldn’t believe she’d given him her number. Admittedly he’d been ultra-subtle about it – suggesting they have each other’s numbers so they could arrange when to meet up to study. But she’d still said yes and handed it over. He remembered the fight to remain calm at the thought that Kate Sheffield had given him her number. The last thing he’d wanted to was scare her off by coming on too strong. He’d spent the first year of knowing her acting like an arrogant idiot. Now he just wanted her to see the sort of man he was. Thankfully, they seemed to have moved past the snipping and snarking part of their relationship. Anthony wouldn’t have said they were friends as such. But Kate certainly seemed to enjoy the time they spent together and right now that was enough for him.
He glanced back at his phone to see if she’d replied to his text asking where she was. Still nothing. Although Kate would very often arrive five or ten minutes late; she was never usually half an hour late. Anthony bit his lip. She was also usually a very good responder and tended to reply within moments of getting a text. She never ignored one for this long. He eyed the screen and wondered if he should text her again. Or would that seem too much? He didn’t want to come across as being too clingy; but equally he wanted to know if she was alright? He knew he was being ever so slightly melodramatic; but the silence from Kate was a little worrying.
Anthony typed out a quick text and hit send before sitting back in his chair. He’d spent yet another night dreaming about Kate. Her body pressed up against his and her hands touching him. It wasn’t the first time he’d had such dreams but at least he’d been able to control himself when he was around her. Now, every time he looked at her he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her against him. He wanted to experience what it would be like to be with her. Whilst Anthony would quite happily consider himself experienced when it came to women; with Kate it was like he had reverted back to a teenage boy again. All he wanted to do was impress her and he had no real idea how to do that.
His phone pinged and Anthony snatched it up. Kate’s name appeared on the screen and he was quick to open the text.
Hey,
Just seen your messages. Been up all night feeling ill so took a day off. Only just woken back up.
See you tomorrow. Sorry if I left you waiting.
Kate x
Anthony re-read the message to ensure he hadn’t imagined the kiss at the end. Although he told himself not to read too much into it; his imagination was already running wild.
Should he asked her out on a date? He’d wanted to since January and it was now nearing the end of March. He knew she found him attractive. Her subtle glances over at him when they studied were not as subtle as she thought. But that didn’t mean she’d actually want to date him. She might just think he was reverting back to being an arrogant jerk.
Anthony began packing his things away. He’d ask her. If she said no then he’d deal with it. But he was going to ask her.
He didn’t ask her.
Not because he’d chickened out. But because the moment he set eyes on Kate he knew this wasn’t the time. They shared a lecture together every Tuesday morning and usually they met up by the café to get a drink together. Anthony – as usual – arrived first and was waiting outside. When Kate did turn up it took him a few moments to recognise her. Although he would never call Kate vain, it was clear she took time and effort in her appearance. Only today she was dressed in a loose hoodie and joggers. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and she didn’t have any make-up on. Her pale face and drawn eyes were not a comforting sign.
“Hey.” Kate smiled weakly and Anthony noticed she had one hand on her belly.
“Sorry about yesterday. I went back to sleep and woke up as your second text came through.”
“It’s fine.” Anthony nodded. “Kate are you okay? You look…..well you look terrible.”
She nodded. “Just time of the month. I spent another night unable to sleep whilst my insides felt like they were being shredded.”
“Oh.” Anthony gave what he hoped was an encouraging smile. But judging by Kate’s frown it wasn’t.
“Please don’t tell me you’re one of those guys who gets freaked out by the mention of periods.”
“No.” Anthony shook his head. “No chance. Four sisters remember? I just….I mean I’d ask if you’re alright but you’re obviously not and I’d ask if there was anything I could do but I know there isn’t so…"
Kate smiled. “Get biology to stop giving woman a hard time each month?”
Anthony chuckled. “I’m good but I’m not that good.” His smile sobered when a flash of pain covered Kate’s face.
“Are you sure you should be here?”
She nodded. “I’ll be in agony either way so I figured I might as well get out.”
Her face scrunched up in pain again and Anthony shook his head.
“I’m taking you back to yours. It’s not up for discussion okay?”
Kate didn’t say anything as he took her bag from her and placed one hand on her back to steer her back towards the campus car park. Kate kept her arms curled around her and Anthony tried not to smile at the fact she was practically tucked up against him. He kept one arm around her. He told himself it was because she didn’t look to steady on her feet. But he knew he just wanted an excuse to hold her.
“Anthony! Kate!”
Anthony bit down on his groan. “Cressida.”
The blonde smiled sweetly although he noticed her eyes narrow at the sight of his arm around Kate. Kate meanwhile kept her eyes down and she curled her arms around her even tighter. Anthony realised she was trying to make herself look smaller. He took another glance at Cressida.
“Can I help you?”
Cressida smile sweetly. “I wondered if you wanted to come out with us Friday night Anthony. We’ll do pre-drinks at mine then head into town. Everyone’s going to be there.”
Anthony noticed she wasn’t extending the invitation to Kate and he tightened his arm around her.
“No thanks.”
“Oh.” Cressida nodded. “Well have a think about it. There’s a few girls who are dying to get to know you better. Girls who are…” She glanced briefly at Kate. “More your type.”
“I’ve thought about it.” Anthony narrowed his eyes. “And the answer is no. Anyway, you have no idea what my ‘type’ is.”
He wanted to tell Cressida that the only girl who could ever be his type was Kate. But he had no intention of bringing it up now when it was very clear all Kate wanted to do was be swallowed up by the ground. Cressida nodded.
“Fine. Be a shame to miss such a good chance. But it’s up to you.”
“Yeah.” Anthony nodded. “It is.”
He watched Cressida saunter off across campus before turning back to see Kate staring up at him.
“Sorry about her. Are you alright?”
Kate nodded and Anthony found himself slightly unnerved by her gaze. She was staring at him with wide eyes as though she’d never seen him before.
“I’m sorry about what she said. I hate catty and bitchy girls who feel the need to tear others down.”
“It’s fine.” Kate nodded. “Um…thanks for sticking up for me.”
Anthony smiled. “She’s a snob who needs taking down a few pegs. It was nothing.”
“No.” Kate shook her head. “It wasn’t ‘nothing’. It….it meant a lot.”
She was still staring at him in that strange way. As though everyone around them had vanished and he was all she could see. Anthony bit his lip. Could it be that Kate…? No. He dismissed that thought within seconds. He was getting too hopeful. Anyway, his biggest concern right now was getting Kate home.
“Come on. You can sleep in the car if you want but you will need to give me directions first.”
March slowly turned into April and the Easter break came and went. Although he’d had plenty of opportunities; Anthony hadn’t asked Kate out. He knew he had no excuse and that he was just putting it off because he was too scared. Benedict and Colin had said as much when they’d all arrived home for Easter and he’d told them about Kate. Anthony smiled at the memory of their conversation. The term “idiot” had been used a fair bit.
He knew he was being an idiot. He liked Kate and he had reason to believe she liked him. They now spent time round each other’s houses; watching films and TV shows together and Anthony had even cooked them dinner one night when they’d met up for a movie marathon. Kate had attempted to return the favour, but her failed attempts had resulted in them ordering a take-away instead. Anthony had met Edwina and Kate’s corgi Newton whilst she had had the pleasure (or in his mind the embarrassment) of meeting Colin when he’d stayed over one weekend. Whilst Anthony was glad Kate liked his younger brother; he’d spent that weekend wishing Colin wouldn’t share quite so many childhood stories. Then again, seeing Kate smile and laugh was worth any embarrassment.
Anthony glanced over at Kate who was sitting beside him. Although her gaze was fixed firmly on the notebook in front of her; he noticed she kept checking her phone and her foot kept tapping nervously on the floor. He’d ignored it at first; but when her knee bumped against his for the fifth time; he shut his own book and turned to face her.
“Kate?”
No answer. She checked her phone again and he noticed her foot tapping grew quicker.
“Katharine?”
She always responded to that. She still claimed to hate being called it. But Anthony noticed she didn’t care as much when he said it. But this still got no response.
“Kate!”
“Hmm?” She looked up at him. “Yes?”
“Are you alright?” He gestured to her phone. “You keep checking that thing every minute. Is everything okay?”
Kate bit her lip. “It’s…it’s nothing.”
“Well it’s got to be something because you look ready to bolt from the room.”
She glanced at her phone screen again. “It’s a lightening detector.”
“A what?”
She nodded. “Lightening detector. It…well it detects lightening. The weather said we’d get a thunderstorm later on today. I should be back home by the time it happens, but they can be unpredictable, so I keep checking this to see what’s happening. If it arrives early I can head back home.”
“Um…why would you need to be home?”
For a second Kate didn’t answer. But she didn’t need to. The moment he’d asked the question Anthony knew the answer.
“You don’t like thunderstorms do you?”
She shook her head. “They terrify me. They have done ever since I can remember.”
The idea of anything causing Kate terror didn’t sit right with Anthony. He glanced at her phone.
“What does it say?”
“It looks like it might arrive sooner than expected. It’s getting very close.”
“Do we have time to drive back to yours?”
Kate nodded. “Anthony it’s fine. I can get the bus.”
“No.” He began packing his bags. “My car is quicker.”
“But-”
“Kate the sooner we’re in the car, the sooner we arrive at yours and the sooner you’ll feel safer.”
He held his hand out. “Come on.”
With a hesitant smile, Kate slid her hand into his and he gave it a gentle squeeze.
“Thanks.” Kate smiled. “Most people don’t get it when I say I’m scared of storms.”
“I know what it’s like to be terrified of something.” Anthony whispered. “I would never wish it on anyone. Especially you.”
They arrived at Kate’s house just as the dark clouds began to gather overhead. Having pushed the speed limit as much as he could, Anthony pulled up outside the house and he turned to see Kate’s hands shaking as she undid the seatbelt.
“Here.” He leant over and unclipped it. “There you go.”
With a nod, she hurried to open the door and Anthony watched her practically run to the house. For a second he wasn’t sure what to do. Kate hadn’t asked him to stay. But he didn’t like to leave her. The small rumble of thunder made his mind up for him. Anthony got out of the car and hurried to join Kate at the door. Her hands shook as she tried to unlock the door.
“I’ve got it.” Anthony took the keys and opened the door. “In you go.”
Kate hurried in and practically threw her things to one side. Shutting the door behind him, Anthony glanced around.
“I can….if you’d rather be alone I understand. But if you want me to stay then I will.”
Tears appeared in Kate’s eyes. “Do you mind? Please?”
Anthony crossed the room and pulled her into a hug.
“Of course I don’t. Just tell me what to do to help.”
Another, slightly louder, rumble could be heard, and Kate’s body shook more. He could hear her breathing quicken and Anthony found himself rubbing her back soothingly.
“I’m here.” He whispered. “I’m here and I’m not leaving you okay?”
Kate nodded into his shirt and Anthony eyed the sofa.
“Let’s sit down.”
He gently nudged Newton who’d been curled up right in the middle. The dog gave Kate a welcome sniff before hurrying off into another room.
“Given how protective that dog is I’m surprised he’s going.”
“He used to comfort me.” Kate admitted. “But I ended up squeezing him really tightly, so he realised storms weren’t exactly ideal for him either. He’s learnt to avoid me when they happen. Not that I blame him. It just means I have no one to-”
A loud crash cut her off and she curled up in the corner of the sofa. Anthony shuffled up against her and hugged her shaking body.
“You’re fine.” He whispered. “I promise.”
Another, even louder crash, boomed from the sky and Kate curled herself into a tight ball with her face buried in her arms. Anthony tightened his hug.
“What can I do?” He whispered. “Tell me what to do to help you?”
Kate shook her head. Or at least he thought she did. The rest of her was trembling so badly it was hard to tell. He fingers were digging into her arms and Anthony winced at the reddening of her skin from where she was gripping herself tightly.
“Let’s lie down.” He prised her fingers from her arms. “Come on. It’s more comfortable than being curled into a ball.”
He lay down on the sofa and gently pulled Kate alongside him. He hugged her close whilst she buried her face into his chest and gripped his t-shirt tightly in her fists. A flash of lightening lit up the window and was immediately accompanied by thunder. A sob broke free from Kate and Anthony moved one of his hands to try and cover her ears. He knew it wouldn’t block out the sound, but he needed to do something.
“Make it stop.” She whispered tearfully. Anthony felt his heart snapping at the fear that filled her voice.
“Please make it stop.”
“I can’t.” He whispered. “I’m so sorry but I can’t. I promise you if I could stop this right now then I would. I swear.”
As the thunder grew louder so did Kate’s tears. Anthony shut his eyes as though that would somehow block out the sound of her crying. He’d always assumed his father’s death was the only time he’d feel powerless. But holding a shaking and sobbing Kate in his arms with no way of being able to stop her terror; was worse. He gently kissed the top of her head.
“I’ve got you.” He had no idea if she was even listening to him right now. Her breathing was getting more and more erratic.
“I’ve got you Kate. I’ve always got you. No matter what.”
There was a deafening crash right above the house and Kate screamed into his chest. Anthony found tears were crawling down his own cheeks and he glanced up at the ceiling.
“If there is such a thing as a God; I want you to end this storm now. Just please stop doing this to her.”
For nearly half an hour his pleas went unanswered. Half an hour of listening to Kate’s terrified sobs and having no way of stopping them. After what had seemed like an age; the rumbles of thunder steadily calmed, and the lightening became less frequent. But it was only when Kate’s breathing began to even out, that Anthony dared hope it was over.
“Kate?”
She was still clutching his t-shirt tightly and he had a feeling she hadn’t heard him. He gently stroked the back of her hair.
“Kate? Are you….okay?”
She eased her head up and Anthony felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. Kate’s red eyes stared back at him and he could see the tear stains covering her face. Her body was still trembling slightly and as he eased her hair back from her face; he found himself gently wiping her remaining tears away.
“Oh Kate.” He whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
She shook her head. “You…you didn’t leave.”
Anthony shook his head. “I would never.”
He gazed at her face. Even with the blotchy tear-stained cheeks and red eyes she was beautiful. He stared at her lips. He wanted to kiss her so badly. He ran his thumb along her cheek to wipe away her final few tears. He wanted to kiss her, but he knew this wasn’t the time.
“Thank you.” She whispered. Her hands lay flat on his chest and he realised she was practically lying on top of him. Anthony smiled.
“It’s nothing.”
“There was a thunderstorm when my mum died.” Kate was staring down at his chest.
“She had this lung disease, and we were in the hospital with her. The doctors said she wouldn’t….that she didn’t have long.”
“Oh Kate.”
“There was this huge crash of thunder and then the power went out briefly. It flickered back on but….” Kate shut her eyes as more tears fell.
“She’d gone. Just like that!”
Anthony hugged her close against him. “Kate I’m so sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine what that was like.”
“I was only three, so I don’t really remember much. But my dad told me that I didn’t understand. That I thought she was just sleeping. Apparently I kept shouting at her to wake up because the storm was scaring me."
Anthony had nothing to say. When his own dad had died it had been tough. But he hadn’t witnessed it. He hadn’t been a terrified three-year-old wanting their mum to wake up. He smiled weakly at Kate.
“Thank you for telling me. I know it must have been difficult.”
Kate nodded. “I don’t usually like talking about it. But with you,” she smiled down at him.
“With you I just find it so easy to talk about things.”
Anthony was practically beaming inside. “Well…I find it very easy to talk about things with you too Kate.”
He really wanted to kiss her. And whilst now wasn’t the right time, he was hoping the right time soon came. He didn’t think he could wait much longer.
When she arrived on campus the next day; Kate was trying to rehearse what to say to Anthony when she saw him. He’d waited with her until they were both certain the storm had passed and then he’d stayed even longer until Edwina had arrived home. Although she was grateful he’d stayed and she’d had someone to comfort her, a small part of her was mortified Anthony had seen her like that. It was hardly an attractive trait to be sobbing into a guys chest whilst a storm raged on. Not that she wanted to appear attractive to Anthony. She just…. Kate sighed. Who was she kidding? She’d been head over heels for Anthony Bridgerton since…well since she’d met him if she was being very honest. He was the man she dreamt about. The man she enjoyed spending time with. The man she thought about every moment. The man she’d want to have comfort her in the middle of a storm.
At the thought of storms, Kate was brought back to her current predicament. She owed him big time for this. He’d probably had better things to do than comfort her during a thunderstorm. And the thank-you would have to come in a better form than buying him a drink. Then there was the fact that she’d opened up to him about her mum’s death and had spent most of it trying not to think about how much wanted to kiss him. Or about how it had seemed like he’d been about to kiss her. Kate sighed. Why did everything have to be this complicated? She knew she could ask him out herself. But what if she’d read the signals wrong? It wouldn’t be the first time after all. She shook her head. She’d see how the conversation went today and if all went well, then she’d ask him.
“Hey?”
Anthony was – as usually – already at their usual table. He pushed one of the take-away cups towards her.
“Got you a hot chocolate. I figured you might need it after yesterday.”
“Thanks.” Kate sat down and toyed with the sleeve of her cardigan.
“Look…about yesterday? I’m sorry about….I’m sure you had better things to do but it meant a lot that you stayed. So thanks. I owe you.”
Anthony shook his head and reached out to take her hand.
“Kate you owe me nothing. I wasn’t going to leave you like that. I’m only sorry I couldn’t be any more help. To be honest I felt very useless.”
“No.” Kate insisted. “No you were great. I’m usually alone when storms hit so to have someone there….honestly Anthony you couldn’t have done any more. And I don’t care what you say. I do owe you.”
He gave a small nod. “Well….if you insist then…” He smiled shyly at her.
“I was wondering…I mean you can say no. Seriously if you don’t want to then just say no. But….well it’s my sisters birthday next weekend. She’s having a party and I wondered if you wanted to come with me?”
Kate nodded. “As friends or…”
Anthony looked completely terrified. “As a date?”
“Anthony-
“Of course.” He shook his head. “You wouldn’t. It’s fine. Honestly. I just thought I’d ask.”
“Anthony!” Kate took his hand with a smile. “I would love to go with you as a date.”
He beamed at her like a child being told Father Christmas is real.
“Really? You do?”
Kate nodded. “I really, really do.”
“Do I look okay?”
Edwina rolled her eyes. “Yes! For the twentieth time you look amazing!”
Kate glanced back at her reflection in the mirror. “It’s not too much? I mean he said to dress smart, but I don’t….this counts as ‘smart’ right?”
Edwina nodded. “Kate you look fine. Anthony’s going to love it.”
A wicked grin appeared on her face. “I still can’t believe you’re dating Anthony Bridgerton. You hated him!”
“I didn’t hate him exactly.” Kate argued. “I just found him….irritating.”
“Pft. You really hated him. You could never shut up about him.” Edwina paused. “I mean you still go on about him even now, but at least you’re a bit more complimentary with what you say.”
Kate brushed down her dress again. She hadn’t had the biggest choice to go from, but she’d eventually settled on a royal blue pencil dress with long lace sleeves. She’d initially been hesitant having the plunging neckline, but Edwina had convinced her to go for it. She left her curled hair loose over her shoulders and when she looked at her reflection again she couldn’t help but smile.
“I do look great.”
“Yeah you do.” Edwina nodded. “’He’s gonna be speechless.”
Kate was saved from replying when there was a knock at the door. Within seconds her stomach became a pool of nerves. Edwina made for the door, but Kate grabbed her sisters arm and pulled her back.
“Kate?”
“I’m…” She bit her lip. “I’m really nervous. Is that stupid?”
Edwina shook her head. “Not really. But you have nothing to be nervous about. He’s smitten with you Kate. Anyone could tell you that.”
“You think?”
Edwina pushed her towards the door. “Yes! Now go and have a good time and tell me every everything when you get back.”
Kate moved towards the door with surprising grace for someone who didn’t wear high heels that often and pulled it open to reveal Anthony standing on the doorstep with both hands behind his back. The sight of him in a suit sent a rush heat shooting through her and Kate felt herself getting very warm in certain places. Anthony meanwhile was staring at her wide-eyed.
“You….”
Kate looked down at herself. “Is it too much? You said smart so… I can go and change if it’s not..”
He strode towards her and drew out one hand to place his finger to her lips.
“You’re beautiful.” He whispered. “So beautiful.”
“Oh.” Kate blushed. “I mean I’m not-”
“Yes you are.” He insisted before bringing out his other hand which Kate saw held a small bunch of flowers. Tears suddenly filled her eyes and Anthony smiled.
“A beautiful woman deserves beautiful flowers.”
Kate took them with a smile. “No one’s ever given me flowers before.”
She turned to pass them to Edwina who was giving her an “I told you so” look. Not wanting to give her sister the chance to join the conversation, Kate gave her a quick wave and shut the door behind them. Anthony offered his arm.
“Your carriage awaits.”
Kate smiled and took his arm. “Thank you for the flowers. You didn’t have to.”
“I know it’s a bit cliché.” Anthony admitted as they got to his car. “But I wanted to give you something. Besides, if you were serious about never being given flowers before then you might want to buy some spare vases. Because I plan on buying you tons to make up for it.”
“Besides,” he opened the door for her, “you’re about to spend an evening with my family. That’s enough to earn you a medal. Never mind flowers.”
“Well if they’re all like Colin then I’m sure they’re lovely.”
Anthony nodded. “They are all like Colin. Which doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence.”
Kate was standing at the side of the dancefloor, watching the other people with a smile. Whatever nerves she’d had at the start of the night, vanished within an instant of meeting Anthony’s family. Colin had swept her into a hug and told her she was too good for Anthony. He’d also told Anthony the same thing much to Kate’s amusement. She’d been told something similar by Benedict. And Eloise. And Daphne. And Francesca. Even Hyacinth had announced that Anthony “pushing above his weight”. Anthony’s response had been to get his younger brother Gregory to pelt Hyacinth with peas at random moments. Watching Anthony with his family was an experience Kate knew she would never forget. The way he allowed Hyacinth and Gregory to drag him onto the dancefloor when their favourite song came on. Or how he kept making sure Daphne was having a good time. Kate had almost burst into tears when she’d watched him have a dance with his mum. Not many twenty-five-year-old men would do that. But he’d done so without hesitating.
He loved his family beyond anything, and she found herself wishing that one day she would be counted as family.
“There you are!”
Kate turned to see Anthony had appear at her side. He’d remove his jacket and Kate tried not to focus on his rolled his sleeves and how gorgeous that made his arms look. Anthony smiled down at her.
“Care for a dance?”
He held his hand out and Kate took it with a smile. Anthony pulled her onto the dancefloor just as the previous song was finishing.
“I um…I asked the DJ if he could play this one for you.” Anthony wrapped his arms around her waist and Kate found hers looped round his neck.
“I know it’s your favourite.” He explained.
There was a silence before the music started.
“Wise men say, only fools rush in.”
But I can’t help, falling in love with you.”
Kate knew she and Anthony weren’t the only couple on the dance floor. But everyone else faded into nothingness and she gazed into Anthony’s eyes as they gently swayed together.
She loved him.
Anthony whispered her name, but Kate didn’t respond. All she could focus on was that she loved Anthony Bridgerton. This might have been their first date and they might have not even kissed yet. But she loved him with everything she had.
And that thrilled her.
Anthony gazed down at Kate. The moment the song had started, her eyes had widened, and he’d seen a smile appear on her face. His heart swelled at the sight. Knowing he’d made her smile was possible the highlight of his evening. He loved doing something that made her happy and he didn’t even want to stop doing it.
“Kate.” He whispered. She didn’t respond but she didn’t need to. He just wanted to say her name. To savour this moment of her in his arms. Anthony inched his head closer. His lips briefly grazed hers, but he wanted her to take the lead. He needed to know she wanted to kiss him as much as he did her.
“Kate…can I-”
Her lips captured his. Anthony’s tightened his hold on her and pulled her closer against him. He responded to Kate’s kiss eagerly and it was taking a lot of effort to remember they were at his sisters birthday party and so there was a limit to what he could do. He let one hand subtly run down her back and he could feel Kate’s fingers burrowing into his hair. Kate’s lips coaxed at his one last time before she eased back. Anthony stared down at her as a pool of dread began to build.
It wasn’t the kiss. The kiss was everything he had dreamed it would be. The issue was what the kiss had brought out. In truth he’d always known his feelings for Kate went deeper than a simple crush. But now he knew for certainty.
He was in love with Kate.
And that terrified him.
“So you guys just kissed?”
Kate raised an eyebrow. “You actually sound disappointed.”
“No I am happy for you. I just thought you two might do a bit more than kissing.”
“Edwina!” Kate sighed. “Even if we did do anything like that, I wouldn’t be sitting here giving you all the details.”
Her sister grinned. “I bet you wanted to though.”
Kate didn’t reply. Because her sister was right. She had hoped that her kiss with Anthony would have led to something more. If anything it seemed to have delayed things. Once the song was over, Anthony had left the dancefloor and claimed he wasn’t feeling well. Given her shoes were killing her, Kate had been happy to sit down and take a break from the dancing. But Anthony hadn’t asked her to dance again. And when he’d been driving her home he’d been quiet. He’d kissed her goodnight, but it was nothing more than a peck on the cheek.
Kate bit her lip. She’d tried texting him, but he hadn’t replied to any of her messages.
“Kate? You okay?”
Kate forced herself to smile. “Yeah I’m fine. Anthony’s just….well he was a bit weird last night. After we kissed.”
Edwina nodded. “Weird in what way?”
“Well he seemed to….he seemed to regret doing it.”
“Is that why you keep texting him?”
Kate nodded. “I don’t get it. He was acting like he wanted to kiss me. And he didn’t exactly try and stop me. If anything he was really into it.”
Edwina went to answer when Kate’s phone buzzed. At Anthony’s name she hurriedly opened the message.
Kate
I’m sorry about last night. I think I gave you the wrong impression. I’m not interested in a relationship at the moment and I’m sorry if I hurt you or mislead you.
Anthony.
Tears filled her eyes and she read the message again in the vain hope she’d imagined it. But no. Anthony was telling her he didn’t want her. He didn’t want any relationship.
“Kate?”
Kate jumped to her feet and grabbed her coat.
“Kate!”
Ignoring her sister, Kate hurried from the house. If Anthony thought he could just drop her by text, and she wouldn’t make a fuss then he was very very wrong.
“Anthony!” Kate banged on the door, not caring who she woke up this early on a Sunday.
“Anthony Bridgerton open this door now!”
She raised her hand to knock on the door again when it swung open, and Anthony appeared.
“Kate? What are you doing here?”
“No. I ask the questions.” She held her phone up. “What the hell is this? A text? That’s how you decide to dump me? A bloody text!”
“Kate.” Anthony stepped outside and shut the door behind him. “Go home.”
“No.” She shook her head. “No I won’t. Not until you explain to me what the hell is going on.”
“I told you.” Anthony shrugged. “I don’t want a relationship. I’m sorry if I gave the wrong idea but-”
“Don’t give me that.” Kate snapped. “You asked me as your date. You asked the DJ to play that love song. You were going to ask if you could kiss me. If you didn’t want this to be a full relationship you have plenty of opportunities to make that clear and you didn’t. So what is going on Anthony? Because this text makes no sense to me.”
“Kate you don’t understand.”
“Well we agree on one thing.”
Anthony turned away and Kate studied his face. Something was wrong. She knew Anthony and even when she’d thought him an arrogant git, she knew he’d never pull a stunt like this with a girl.
“Anthony.” She reached for his hand and tried not to flinch when he pulled away. “Anthony what’s wrong? I know you and I know that this right here doesn’t match with how we’ve been over the past few months. Please just explain it to me.”
He shook his head. “Kate just go home.”
“Anthony will you please just tell me what’s wrong?”
“I don’t want you!” He burst out. “I don’t want to date you okay?”
Kate stumbled back. There was a flicker of hurt in Anthony’s eyes, but he shook his head.
“I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. Now please just go home.”
“Fine.” Kate slid her phone into her pocket. “Fine. If that’s what you want.”
Her voice cracked and more tears spilled down her face.
“But listen carefully Anthony Bridgerton. I want you to know I have never hated someone more than I hate you right now. I don’t think I ever will.”
He opened his mouth, but Kate had already turned away. Tears blurred her vision and she stumbled onto the pavement. She pulled her phone from her pocket with the intention of calling Edwina and asking her to pick her up. Her shaking fingers fumbled over the screen as she stepped off the pavement and into the street. Anthony screamed her name, but it was lost among the sound of a car horn and screeching tires. Something smashed into her side and Kate felt a blinding pain shoot up her leg and she crumpled to the ground. The phone hit the ground at the same time as her head. Pain exploded in her skull and Kate could see figures running towards her before the world went dark.
Anthony watched Kate storm off, and he had to bite his lip to stop himself crying out. He’d hated every foul word that had left his mouth, but he knew it was for her own good. He couldn’t start something that was doomed to fail. He couldn’t allow himself to love or be loved. It would only end in tragedy. Except the look on Kate’s face had been worse than he had imagined. All the anger and pain and hurt for everyone to see. And it had all been caused by him. He watched her stumbled away from his house and out into the street. She was concentrating on her phone and he suspected she was calling her sister. Meaning she couldn’t see the car rushing towards her.
“KATE!”
He knew he’d be too late. The driver slammed down on the brakes, but they were too close. Anthony watched in horror as the car hit Kate and sent her tumbling to the ground. Her body lay limp in the middle of the road. Her phone resting a few feet away from her outstretched hand.
“KATE!”
Anthony ran out into the road. "KATE!"
The driver was shakily getting out of the car, but he ignored them as he dropped to his knees by Kate’s unconscious body.
“Oh God!” He shakily pulled his phone out and dialled 999.
“Hello? I need an Ambulance. It’s my girlfriend. She’s been hit by a car!”
The woman on the phone began reeling off questions which Anthony answered as best as he could. His eyes roamed over Kate’s body and his stomach recoiled at her leg which was bent in an unnatural angle. He glanced upwards and his heart nearly stopped at the small patch of blood near her head.
“Kate?” He gently placed his hand on her shoulder. “Kate can you hear me?”
The woman on the other end said the ambulance would be two minutes.
“Kate you’ll be fine.” Anthony said tearfully. “You’ll be fine. You have to be fine.”
He shook his head as more sobs came.
“I’m so sorry Kate. So sorry. That text and what I said just now? I didn’t mean it. I meant none of it. I was frightened of…It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t excuse it. I’m so sorry.”
He kissed her cheek – flinching at how cold she was.
“I love you Kate.” He sobbed. “I love you so bloody much. You need to pull through this okay? Please! Please just wake up! I can’t lose you Kate. I can’t!”
A piercing siren sounded at the end of the street and Anthony kissed Kate’s cheek again.
“Ambulance is here now. I’m not going anywhere okay Kate? I’m not leaving you for a moment.”
When two paramedics knelt down beside Kate, Anthony knew he needed to move. He needed to step back so they could help Kate. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave her. One of them eventually placed a blanket over his shoulders and eased him a few feet away.
“Are you her boyfriend?”
Anthony nodded. “Will she be okay?”
The paramedic placed a hand on his shoulder. “She’s in good hands now.”
That wasn’t an answer. Anthony glanced down at Kate’s cracked phone which he now held in his hands. Whilst the paramedics got to work on Kate, he shakily scrolled through her contacts until he found Edwina’s name. As he dialled, a small part of him hoped she didn’t pick up.
“Hi Kate?"
“Um…it’s me. Anthony.”
“Oh. Why do you have Kate’s phone?”
Anthony shut his eyes but tears still fell.
“Edwina….there’s been an accident.”
“Where is she?”
Anthony glanced up to see Edwina storming towards him. She was followed by a woman who looked incredibly similar, and he assumed this was Mary. Anthony shook his head.
“I don’t know. They told me to wait because I’m not immediate family. They rushed her through those doors.”
“Right.” Edwina nodded. “Well I’m her sister so they’d better let me in and they'd better do it now!”
“Sit down.” Mary said. “I’ll try and find out what’s going on.”
“They said she’s got a badly broken leg.” Anthony explained. “She hit her head, but they don’t think it’s too serious. Or at least, the paramedics didn’t think so. But I don’t think she’s woken up yet. I don’t know. I kept asking but no one said anything.”
He wiped his eyes. “I need to see her. I need to tell her I’m sorry.”
“What on earth for?” Edwina asked.
“It’s all my fault.” Anthony sobbed. “She’d here because of me. I sent some stupid text. I pushed her away and she was angry, and she didn’t see the car. It’s all my fault.”
“Look.” Edwina said. “I haven’t really spent that much time with you, but I can tell how much you care for Kate. I can also see how much she cares for you. So I imagine you’ll be able to work this out. Assuming she…”
Anthony glanced over at her. Tears were filling her eyes and he could see her hands shaking. He cursed himself. He hadn’t for one second considered what Edwina was going through. Kate was her older sister after all. He took her hand and gave it a soft squeeze.
“She will.” He whispered. “I’m sure of it.”
She had to. Anthony didn’t think he’d survive if she didn’t.
“Katharine Sheffield?”
All three of them jumped up as a doctor headed over. Anthony was the first forward.
“Is she okay? Is she awake? Can we see her?”
The doctor glanced over to Mary. “Are you family?”
“I’m her step-mum.” Mary explained. “But if you check her records you will see I’m listed as next of kin.”
“Very well. Miss Sheffield is still sleeping as a result of the medication we’ve given her to help with the pain. Her leg was broken in two places and she cracked her ribs as well.”
“Can we see her.” Edwina and Anthony asked together. The doctor nodded.
“This way.”
Anthony hurried after the man and he was aware of Mary and Edwina doing the same. The doctor led them to a side room and opened the door.
“You may sit with her for a bit.”
Anthony allowed Mary and Edwina to enter first before following. Both had already claimed the seats by Kate’s bed, and he forced himself to look at her.
“Oh Kate!”
There was a box shaped around one of her legs and Anthony winced at the bright red grazes on her right arm and right side of her face. Mary glanced over at him.
“Would you like to sit with her?”
Anthony shook his head. “No you should. I’m….” He sat down in the chair in the corner of the room.
“She’ll be okay.” Edwina nodded. “It’s Kate. She’s stubborn as anything. She’ll be fine.”
Anthony nodded and placed his hands together in a silent prayer.
“Please don’t take her from me.” He whispered. “This isn’t her time. Please don’t take her. Please give me the chance to make things right.”
When Kate opened her eyes, her first thought was that everything hurt. One side of her face hurt. Her arm hurt. Her ribs hurt. Her left leg was in agony. She glanced over to see Edwina grasping her hand tightly and at the pain in her sisters eyes, Kate wanted to hug her. But when she tired to move her other arm she had to let it lie with a groan. Edwina blinked at her.
“Kate? Say something?”
“Hi?” Kate croaked. “Will that do.”
Edwina nodded tearfully. “Oh God Kate! I was so scared. We all were!”
“Is Mary here?”
She’s gone to get some food.” Edwina explained. “But Anthony’s still here.”
Kate froze at the mention of Anthony and she glanced over to see him curled up in a chair in the corner. Hardly the most comfortable of positions and for a second she hoped he woke up stiff as a board. But the moment that thought went, she instead found herself wondering why he was here. Hardly the actions of someone who didn’t want her.
“Mum told him to go home and get some rest, but he refused.” Edwina explained. “He’s been here for hours.”
“Why?”
Edwina frowned at her. “Why do you think?”
“But he doesn’t….”Kate shook her head. “He doesn’t care about me. He told me-”
“I know what happened.” Edwina sighed. “He told us. But what he said to you was a lie.”
“He said that?”
Edwina nodded. “But you only have to notice him to know he cares. Kate he wouldn’t stay this long if he didn’t care.”
Kate was saved from answering when Mary wandered through the door with some sandwiches and chocolate bars.
“This is all I could find so I hope….KATE!”
Her shout jerked Anthony awake and Kate forced herself to turn away from him and focus on Mary who swept her into a hug.
“Oh Kate! We were so worried!”
“I’m fine.” Kate smiled. “Everything hurt but I’m fine.”
Mary finally let her go and she turned to see Anthony standing awkwardly at the foot of her bed.
“Anthony.”
“Kate.” He at least had the decency to look ashamed. “I should….I just wanted to make sure you were…I should leave you with your family.”
“Wait!” Kate blurted out. Anthony froze by the door.
“Mary, Edwina, can I have a few minutes alone with Anthony please?”
Edwina very clearly wanted to stay but both her and Mary got up and left the room. Anthony shut the door behind them and glanced over at her.
“Kate?”
“Edwina said you told her what you did and that it was a lie. Is that true?”
Anthony nodded and Kate folded her arms. As she did so she noticed her right was covered in grazes.
“Anthony you have five minutes to explain yourself.”
He nodded and sat down in Edwina’s seat.
“You know my dad died when I was eighteen. But what I didn’t say what that it was from a brain aneurysm.”
“Oh Anthony.”
He nodded. “It was so sudden. One minute he was fine and then…” He shook his head. “I couldn’t get over it. He was so full of life! So fit and healthy and… It didn’t make sense. The doctors explained it to us, but I refused to believe that someone so strong and so healthy could die like that. I just couldn’t.”
He looked up at her. “And then I realised that if it could happen to my dad then it could happen to me. I know what killed him isn’t hereditary. But I couldn’t stop thinking about how that could be me on day. How I could die just like that. My dad was only thirty-nine when he died. I managed to convince myself that I couldn’t outlive him. I’d always known I’d never be able to surpass him. But I knew I’d never be able to outlive him.”
Kate had several things she wanted to say. But she knew this was hard enough for Anthony and so she kept quiet. Instead she reached out and took his hand. He kissed it.
“At first I decided to live life for the hell of it. Late night parties with friends. Hook-ups. But eventually I knew I needed to do something with the time I had, so I went to uni. But even there, I kept my distance with people. With women. Nothing that would lead to attachments. Because what was the point in loving someone if you were going to die one day and leave them? But then you sat down at my table in the library and that all went out the window.”
Kate said nothing as Anthony leaned forward and cupped her face.
“Kate I am so sorry for what I did. What I said. When we kissed at my sisters party I realised just how much I was in love with you. And it terrified me because I was opening us both up to heartbreak and grief. I couldn’t do that to you. I figured if I pushed you away then it’d save you pain later on.”
He kissed her hand again. “I know I don’t deserve it. But can you ever forgive me? Because I do love you Kate. So much. I know you may not believe me after what I’ve done. But I do.”
Kate bit her lip. “I was always taught to believe that actions speak louder than words. You make comments about your family, but I know you love them because of how you act with them. What you said to me on your doorstep hurt. But you comforted me through a thunder storm. You refused to leave my bedside. You brought me hot chocolate and flowers.”
Kate wiped her eyes. “Those aren’t the actions of someone who doesn’t care about me. Those are the actions of someone who loves. Who cares.”
Anthony leant forward and took her face in his hands. “I do care Kate. I would move heaven and earth for you.”
Kate laughed. “Well I’m not as high maintenance as all that!”
“So you forgive me?”
Kate nodded. “But let me be clear. If you ever pull a stunt like that again Anthony then we’re having a different conversation.”
“I won’t.” He wiped her tears away. “I know what it’s like to lose you Kate. I don’t want to go through that again.”
He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. Kate wanted to pull him onto the bed with her. But her entire body ached in protest and so she had to be content with Anthony’s kiss. Which in itself was enough to be happy about. Anthony eased back.
“I don’t deserve you Kate.”
She kissed his nose. “It’s a good thing I love you.”
“You do?” Anthony almost squeaked. Kate nodded and kissed him again.
“I really do.”