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The first thing Eric felt when he woke up was a sharp pounding in his head. Rolling over, he picks up his phone, groaning when the bright light blinds him. Turning down the brightness, he checks the time; 3:36am. I don’t need to get up for another three hours. Why does my body hate me? Groaning again, quietly, he sits up, pausing for a few seconds when a wave of nausea hits him.
Eyes closed while taking deep breaths, he’s able to fend off the feeling. Slowly making his way to the bathroom, he doesn’t bother turning on the light because he knows it’ll just irritate his head and he can see fine because of the Sailor Moon nightlight plugged in (who put it there you may ask? No one knows. It’s still a mystery to everyone in the dorm).
After taking two Excedrin, he slowly shuffles back to his room, cuddling under the warm covers. Just go back to sleep. I’ll be fine when I wake up again. With that thought, Eric falls asleep a couple minutes later.
Needless to say, Eric still feels like death four hours later as he’s sitting in the company van. They have an 8:00am dance practice that should go until 12. After that, Eric is free for the day so he can go back to the dorm and hibernate in his room.
Four hours. He can make it four hours.
Eric knows he should have told his hyungs about the aching in his head, but he didn’t want to burden them with something so small. Everyone had been on edge lately with the upcoming comeback looming overhead. His hyungs were stressed, annoyed and exhausted; and all were ready to break at any point. Eric was dead set on not being part of the cause that made them break.
It’s fine. I’m fine. It’ll be fine. Everything will be fine.
Fast forward an hour and Eric realized that everything wasn’t ‘fine’. The pain in his head has worsened to the point that he can barely stand, resulting in his continuous mistakes in the choreo.
He can see the growing looks of irritation and exasperation on everyone's faces.
So much for not being a burden.
With a tired sigh, Changmin goes to the stereo, stops the current song and looks at Eric, “please focus. Everyone is tired so please try to pay attention to the song”. He said it in a soft voice, but Eric could hear the tenseness in his leader’s tone. He looks away, embarrassed and just replies with a quiet “yes hyung”, before moving to his spot.
Eric doesn’t know if he should be saddened or elated that none of his hyungs have realized that something is wrong with the boy.
For what seemed like the hundredth time, the beginning beats of “The Stealer” were heard through the room.
Closing his eyes, taking a deep breath and pushing back the pain-induced nausea, Eric throws himself into the dance.
Eric was doing good; he’s made it through most of the song without any mistakes. He can do this; 30 more seconds left (the hardest part of the choreo to do when you have a brain-splitting headache).
He slides to the floor for Changmin’s part, but when it comes time to push himself back up, a sharp stab shoots through his skull. The pain is so intense it causes him collapse with a pained gasp.
Groans were heard from around the room. Running a hand down his face in frustration, Sangyeon looks around the room. “Let’s take a 15-minute break. It’s obvious some of us aren’t focusing”. Many pointed glares were sent in Eric’s direction. Haknyeon and Chanhee won’t even look at him, clear anger on their faces.
Making his way to his bag, he collapses next to it and pulls out his water bottle and, after looking around to make sure none of his hyungs were watching him, two pain relievers. He hurriedly took the pills, silently begging for them to kick in quickly. With a sigh, he closes his eyes and leans his head against the wall behind him.
Even though he checked beforehand, he still missed the concerned eyes of the ‘mom’ of the group. As Jacob begins to move towards his baby brother, Sunwoo gets to the boy first.
Feeling a presence in front of him, Eric cracks open one of his eyes and sees his youngest hyung looking at him wearily. “What’s going on with you today?” Sunwoo seeming worried, but also agitated. “You’re part of the dance line. You usually don’t mess up this much. I know you’re exhausted, but so are the rest of us. We can’t go home home until all of us get this right, so please try to focus and get it right”.
Training his eyes on the floor, it takes everything him him not to cry in frustration.
Why can’t they see I’m trying?! I’m not trying to make practice more difficult!
That thought in mind, he voices the first part, barely a whisper; “I-I’m trying h-hyung”.
“Well try harder Eric. You’re the only one messing up and causing issues. The rest of us want to go home. Just because you can’t get your shit together, doesn’t mean the rest of us should be punished”. Changmin scolds, having heard the small conversation between the two youngest.
Eric knew that he shouldn’t take the words to heart. Everyone was just drained. They didn’t mean what they said. That doesn’t mean it hurts any less though, the words cutting deeply into Eric’s heart.
He tries to ignore the gradually worsening pain in his skull. “I-I really am sorry guys. I’m trying as hard as I can”.
This seems to be the breaking point for Juyeon. “Just get your fucking shit together Eric! I’m so sick of this. You’re always making a joke of everything, never paying attention. Just because you’re the maknae, doesn’t give you the right to act like a child. You may be the maknae, but you’re still a grown fucking man. So start. acting. like. it and stop holding back the group! It seems that that’s all you’ve been doing lately; holding us back”.
Eric heart shatters as tears well in his eyes.
So this is what they think of me.
Irresponsible.
Childish.
A slacker.
A burden.
The practice room is silent as everyone has tuned into the argument between the members in the corner of the room.
Jacob steps between Juyeon and Eric, the older glaring daggers at Juyeon. “Back off”. He tells the angry boy in front of him, in a steely voice, one that is rarely used.
Sangyeon steps up and pulls Juyeon away. “What the hell Juyeon? Where do you get off on saying that to him? What’s wrong with you?”
Juyeon has the decency to look guilty.
The fighting has caused the pain in Eric’s head to amplify from seventy to a hundred. He feels like his brain is going to pound out of his head. Black dots begin forming in his vision. Before he knows what’s happening, he falls into the back of his favorite hyung, causing the older boy to yelp in surprise as he feels a large weight settling on his back, taking him and the weight to the floor.
Everyone looks towards the noise. Cries of worry are heard from everyone as they see their youngest brother passed out on top of Jacob.
Jacob quickly realizes what happened and squirms out from underneath Eric before carefully taking the unconscious boy into his arms. Everyone crowds around the two on the floor, guilt seeping in now that they realize the boy must have been sick and that’s why he kept making mistakes.
Changmin looks completely distraught, Juyeon looks like someone told him his dog died.
It took about 2 minutes for Eric to come back into consciousness. Groaning loudly, his hands shoot to his eyes, pushing the heel of his palm into them, hoping to relieve some of the pressure behind them.
Hyunjae frowns and kneels next to Eric. “Baby, does your head hurt?”
A quiet “yes hyung” is the only thing heard from the nearly sobbing boy still in Jacobs lap. It’s silent for a few seconds as everyone tries to process what happened before they all hear “i’m sorry for ruining practice”.
Everyone’s frowns deepen. Eric is obviously sick and he still only cares about ruining practice.
I wonder who’s fault that is. Juyeon thinks sarcastically.
Multiple noises of objection were heard. “Let’s get you home sweetheart”, Jacob says before carefully standing up then picking the boy up gently, cradling him to his chest.
Everyone follows after the two after packing all their bags; Sangyeon is on the phone with the manager, explaining what happened- the man gave them the rest of the day and tomorrow off. Thank you for kind managers.
They made it to the dorm quickly, Younghoon taking over in carrying the sick boy to bed. Jacob and Kevin follow soon after with water and worried looks. “Jacob hyung told us that you already took meds so why don’t you just go to sleep baby? Hopefully you can sleep off the pain. We can talk when you’re feeling better. We all have to apologize, but we need you better in order to do that. We hate seeing our baby is pain.”
With that, Kevin places a soft kiss on Eric's forehead, Jacob and Younghoon doing the same. Eric looks at Kevin with the best puppy dog eyes he can muster in the situation and asks his hyung, “cuddles?” Kevin being the weak, weak man he is, has no other choice but to comply with the youngests wishes. He crawls into bed, pulling the boy close. The youngest smiles in contentment; he’s warm under his covers, he’s cuddling one of his favorite hyungs and the pain in his head is lessening. Before slipping into a deep slumber, Eric thinks “they really love me. I’m not a burden to them”.