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Aang is having a difficult time to say the least.
He had to make some hard calls during a hostage situation. Some were poor, in hindsight.
There was a long, confusing scuffle. Ultimately he had to harm the man, rather than allow him to further harm the victims. But he wasn't the most healthy, able-bodied criminal.
Aang had nearly killed a person. It was by pure luck that he hadn't.
"Avatar Roku, I need your advice." He said in a voice that lacked in its usual lightheartedness. One that betrayed the years since his youth.
"What seems to be troubling you, Aang?"
"I nearly killed a man, Roku. I- I don't know if there's anything that can be said to make it better. I don't know if I can deserve that if there is. I just- I need advice." Need someone else in charge. Need a more comfortable dynamic with the world. Be a pupil, rather than master. Be told what's wrong & right.
"I think you know what I am going to say."
"I need to hear you say it." He needs to be told by his teacher. Needs the normalcy of it. The comfort of it.
"This way of questioning is one more befitting of my own mentor.
"I was the Avatar during a peaceful time in history. Many of the answers you seek are those I am less equipped to properly give.
"My relationship with the world was to make the Avatar thought of as a friendly guide. A peace broker between the nations. It's always been true; but my predecessor had a... an antagonistic reputaion.
"Kyoshi was the Avatar who made these tough choices, & lived by them. I recommend you seek her wisdom."
.oOo.
"Avatar Aang." She says in place of a greeting.
"Avatar Kyoshi, I need your help. You nearly killed Chin the Conqueror; how did you recover from that?"
"I did kill Chin. His death was the result of my actions. The details of that are unimportant."
"But how did you keep on living? The Avatar doesn't take the lives of others!"
Kyoshi fixes him with a withering glare. Aang thought she was already doing that.
"Avatar Aang; I do not make light of this fact, but I have killed more times than once."
His bewilderment nearly sends him straight out of the Spirit World. By the time he gathers himself, tears flow silently over Kyoshi's makeup.
Her image shifts. No longer is the giant, white-faced spirit of vengeance sitting across from him; but a young woman. She's barely an adult, if even that.
"They still haunt my dreams."
"Kyoshi?" Aang asks in disbelief, unsure whether this is another spirit altogether.
"I killed three people while I was still a child." The girl continues. She doesn't speak with the confidence Aang associates with the earth Avatar before them. It's shy; hollow; scared even.
He can't find words. Instead, taking in her appearance in the heavy silence. She's scarred all over. Burns crawl up her hands & arms in a lightning pattern. Pale, marred skin decorates everywhere he can see, most prominently a solid line crossing through her entire front half of her neck.
"Xu Ping An was the first. He was a daofei warlord. I killed him in the Avatar state."
He wants to make the girl feel better. "Well, it's hard to control your emot-"
She locks eyes with him, showing nothing but conviction. "It was my choice. I lifted him in the air. I chose to let go. I could have spared him at any moment. He plummeted from that inaction."
Some time passes as she dares him to contradict her with her gaze.
"The next was Earth Sage Jianzhu of the Gan Jin tribe, otherwise known as the Architect, or the Gravedigger of Zhulu Pass.
"I held him in place while a rock was bent through his chest."
Sounds like it wasn't you who killed him. Aang thinks.
"We share the same mind, Avatar. I am no less to blame."
She's openly weeping now, though it elicits no sound from her. Nor does she shudder, her posture unchanged.
"Yun. The third person I killed was Yun. He was my best friend. Our best friend. At times, it felt as if just him & Rangi were my whole world. He was supposed to be the Avatar. He should have been."
"It sounds like that was very hard for you,"
"I should have killed him sooner." Kyoshi spits as she locks eyes with him once again. "Rangi nearly died. She could have fucking died because I was too damned stubborn to let him go. I should have known it was too late when he tried to kill her mother. But no." A hollow laugh. "I wouldn't believe it."
Aang doesn't know what to do. He can't leave this child though. Not like this.
"I turned the water in his body to ice. It was meant to be a healing technique a waterbending sifu of mine developed. I took that knowledge & bastardized it. I made it a weapon." There's no revelry in the statement. Only self-hatred, no room for anything more.
"Was it on purpose?" He asks before he has a chance to think not to.
"Yes. I chose to kill him. Even if it wasn't, I was always shit at waterbending. & precision, even at the best of times. I could never have done it properly in the first place."
She seems to suddenly remember Aang. "Only justice will bring peace. That's what I told you before you took down the Fire Lord. Murder is rarely just; but if you are given no other option, it must be done.
"You've come up with brilliant solutions to avoid it in the past. For that I'm proud. I hope you can continue to do so in the future." At some point her image had shifted once again. It was back to her usual form, but lacked the signs of battle. In place of makeup, or scars, there are only freckles. It gives Aang a sense of ease. This isn't Kyoshi, the Avatar; nor Kyoshi, the warrior. This is Kyoshi, the mother; Kyoshi, the wife. A mentor. His mentor.
"Our culture is in good hands with you."
"What?" Aang asks, simply confused.
"Hm? Oh. I'm Air Nomad too. I thought you knew."
"I didn't. Isn't your native element earth?"
"It is. My biological father was from the Earth Kingdom. I lived there most of my life, as well. My real father was a Monk, though; & my biological mother was at one point a nun."
"What do you mean by 'at one point?'"
"She ran away to be a criminal."
"Oh?"
"I must apologize, Avatar." Kyoshi continues. "I've taken up much of your time, & I've been greedy with it as well. But it is important that you know our history."
"That's fine; I understand. Can we go back to that last thing? I think it's strange that an Avatar was related to a criminal. Let alone an airbending criminal. That in itself is really weird"
"I would hope it isn't too surprising. Remember, I was a daofei myself."
"You were?!"
"You didn't know that?" She says, then mumbles "I'll be having words with Roku." to herself.
Aang flails his arms about as he asks "How?"s & "Why?"s & "What?"s plus a litany of other questions.
"For another time. What's important now is that you know your oaths."
"My what?"
"Your daofei oaths. I don't know if they transfer to other lifetimes, but you should know them regardless."
"Ok..."
"They are:
"I shall swear these oaths. I swear to defend my brothers and sisters, and obey the commands of my elders. Their kin will be my kin, their blood my blood. Should I fail to uphold this vow, may I be hacked to death by many knives.
"I swear to follow no ruler and be beholden to no law. Should I become the lackey of any crown or country, may I be ripped apart by thunderbolts.
"I swear never to make an honest living from those who abide the law. I will take no legitimate wage, and work for no legitimate man. Should I ever accept coin for my labors, may I be sliced to bits by a variety of knives.
"Plus 51 others I didn't actually swear to."
"Uh," Aang says. "What?"
"My process was expedited, with me being on the run & all." She answers despite knowing full well that he was questioning that part the least; if at all.
There's a long, awkward pause.
"I should probably go back to the physical world." Aang excuses himself.
At least he wasn't as worried about his own issues for the time being.