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'We're off on a picnic. I wonder how many years it's been since I've done this ...'
Those fateful words were still lingering in my mind, actually spoken out some months ago. They accompanied the awkward memory of what happened during the first walk through the forest surrounding the House of Lamentation; I still recalled it if it had happened just yesterday. The view of her disbelieving mien finding out that we got lost yet was enough to make me blush embarrassed.
It had taken her quite a while to eventually open up and granting me some quality time alone with her and after this first date resulting in such a disaster I couldn't really blame her. Though I had a hard job observing her together with some of my other brothers, clinging up to Mammon, snagging food from Beel or letting Belphie nap on her lap. More than once I caught myself imagining how it would feel to be allowed this close to her, relaxing or having fun together. But I didn't dare to push her, knowing that it would make things even worse and I couldn't help but grow incredible jealous at times, backing off and burying myself in books.
It happened that I felt like losing it over how Mammon complained whenever the twins stole his human from him. My brother didn't even realize how pathetic he sounded but the fact that he indeed was appreciated by her made me lose interest in teasing him further. My only comfort at this point was the fact that Lucifer -who usually became the center of attention wherever he was about to set foot on- seemingly was just as cold-shouldered as me.
... And if I'm not the one for you ...
Well, at least she seemed to watch me on a neutral base – different from Asmo and Levi who used to be rejected on the spot. However this made me just the more uncomfortable around her; I had no clue where I stood regarding our relationship. Sometimes it discouraged me in trying to work on my bonding with her. Then again there were times when she gave me a reason to get my hopes up by talking to me or holding my hand.
... you've gotta stop holding me the way you do ...
It made me believe that I could work this out with her. Not today or tomorrow, not next week or next month but eventually my patience would be rewarded.
And if I'm not the one for you,
Then why have we been through what we have been through ...
* * * * *
"Are you sure about this?"
I had expected this question and worded the reply long ago in my mind, ready to answer right away as it was pronounced: "I'm sure, don't worry. We won't get lost twice." There was it again – this dreaded, sceptical mien as my attendant crossed her arms and tilted her head. Both pretty orbs narrowed as they responded my glance, next to a frown: "I hope so, Satan. I don't want to wander around this forest once more just to find out, that we're only minutes away from the House of Lamentation."
She really had to point it out this precisely.
I could feel my cheeks heating up but gratefully she wasn't even looking my way, probably already thinking about her later-scheduled cooking with Beel ...
"As I said, we'll be fine this time. You'll enjoy the sight of the lake once we got there and have a snack." Now she turned around to face me with both eyebrows raised: "Sandwiches?" I couldn't help but smirk slightly at the sparkle in her pretty eyes.
"Black cattle cream cheese and shadow salmon with slices of tomato and cucumber", I replied with a nod and rejoiced in her amazed mien: "... you in fact recalled some of my favorites?" Then a smile spread over her face and those beautiful eyes shone even brighter. I had my mouth opened to answer but anyhow those words couldn't pass my lips as naturally as I wanted them to slip out. Instead I felt a lump in my throat and tried my best to swallow it, clearing my throat: "Yes, I ... I wanted to make it up to you for the last time ..."
The way her eyes narrowed slightly, grateful and appreciative even caused my heart to skip a single beat. I had intended our picnic to be perfect this time and suddenly it seemed achievable.
We had left the garden and surroundings of the House of Lamentation to follow down the trail on which I had guided us both the last time. Some bugs and butterflies crossed our way, trundling lively around us as we made our way deeper into the forest; passing a few pretty old and pretty peculiar grown trees -some of those branches looked like they would reach out to catch us on the spot- I frowned, looking for this one tree which served as my landmark.
Next to me I heard a sudden, short gasp and immediately turned around: "Are you okay?" Intuitionally I felt myself tensing as I knew that this forest wasn't exactly innocuous to humans. But she dropped her shoulders and shook her head, probably to reassure me.
"Yes, I'm alright ... I just stumbled over a root, that's it."
I narrowed my eyes and clicked my tongue: "The trees in this forest can be somewhat meddlesome ... be careful." What was meant to be a sign that I worried about her, in fact cared for her, just turned into me unintentional dropping a brick; her lovely smile became a pout and she puffed out her cheeks, indeed glaring at me: "... I'm no little child, in case you forgot. But thanks for your concern."
Gulping I dropped my shoulders, my hopes falling slightly. She was being so aloofly, playing hard to get. And slowly I doubted if my efforts were actually worth it all, frowning and stepping further ahead. I didn't want her to see the frustrated face I probably was carrying right now.
It's so cold out here ... in your wilderness ...
Therefore I almost missed an old, knobby oak next to a subtle parting of the trail. Intuitionally I inhaled and let out a sigh of relief: "We took the wrong path last time – if we follow the trail on this route, we'll finally end up at the lake!" My insecurity and tension from moments ago faded as I turned around to face her. Still, she wasn't as excited as I wished her to be about the fabolous news that we would indeed make it today – but right now I was just happy about whatever mien she pulled if not doubting or glaring at me.
"Really? ... alright, then let's go."
I bit my lips, knowing I was right. There was no doubt about that. Although, was it important if I was right or wrong actually?
The only important thing was to see her smile again.
I want you to be my keeper ... but not if you're so reckless –
Suddenly a distant trill was heard, like a melodic chirp of a Devildom bird. However in fact it was not a bird. I was well aware of that, unlike my attendant; she let out a gasp and came closer to me, even huddling up to me very little: "What was that?" Both of her orbs widened slightly, apparently amazed as I turned around to her, smiling wide.
"A friend. Don't worry, she and her family won't cause any harm."
Before I could just say anything more, we got a loud crack in the brushwood and the drubbing sound of hoofs. Just a second later something large yet graceful and white appeared on the trail in front of us with a leap. Next to me I got how she held her breath at the creature which happened to eye us one by one through its nearly magical, golden orbs. Flicking its two pairs of ears the deer-like being tilted its dainty, pretty head. As I stepped closer, lifting my right carefully, it came to greet me and leaned its forehead against my palms.
At the touch I just realized how much of an impact the mere presence of the creature had on me, put at ease on the spot: "I'm so glad to see you again, gal." A short, quiet trill replied as the creature slightly raised its head again. And I now beamed wide, beckoning my humane company next to me: "She is an indrik. Her herd lives within this forest."
I twitched the corners of my mouth at this astonished voice of hers behind me before she stepped closer, both of her eyes sticking to the wondrous being she never got to see in the human world. My eyes narrowed; it was an endearing sight.
"She's ... beautiful." Her eyes were still widened in amazement as I reached out to her: "You may greet her as well." Hesitantly she replied my look and lifted her hand, aiming to brush over the silvery fur and feathers which covered the indrik's neck: "Her name's Silberlicht, like silvery light." Observing content how the deer-like creature gave out another relaxed trill at the strokes of her hand I exhaled and tilted my head: "It seems as if she likes you."
At my words her eyes began to sparkle, apparently enjoying the presence of the being as much as I did.
Until Silberlicht turned around, facing the direction which we had been following. Flicking both, her ears and short tail the indrik threw a glance back at us. I chuckled quietly, patting her neck: "Suit yourself, gal."
Again my words were accompanied by a short trill, like consenting as I turned away from the indrik, eyeing her attentive: "If you want, you may mount Silberlicht. Apparently she doesn't mind." With a sceptical frown she bit her lips, her pretty eyes focussing at first on the indrik, then on me. Right in the moment when I was about to open my mouth, demanding her to trust me for once, I got her nodding and reaching out to the deer-like animal: "Alright, Satan. If you say, it's going to be alright, then ... I guess, I'll be fine."
And when I just helped her to climb onto Silberlicht's back, I got the short feeling as if my feet had left the ground as well. I had gone lighter, like floating. On cloud nine, maybe?
If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently, don't pretend that you don't want me
Our love ain't water under the bridge ...
Leading Silberlicht deeper into the forest with the rider on her back, we got some more trilling voices which resounded from our left and our right side. I tried hard to suppress a chuckle at the amazed astonishment above my back whenever she caught the melodic noises: "... it sounds like a song they're all singing together."
With a glance back over my shoulder I smiled: "What makes us thinking of a song is actually their way of communicating." Her eyes grew as wide as bottom plates and for a second I frowned, sure to get a glimpse of nostalgia: "If there only would be such wonderful creatures in the human world ..."
Intuitionally I sighed and dropped my shoulders: "They've become a rare sight in the Devildom as well, thanks to some quite selfish, scurrilous bastards. They were after their antlers and coats – and even their voices." To the outside I kept calm but inwardly I tensed; I was glad that the peaceful environment was able to distract me.
A few fireflies crossed our way and some of the flowers near the path just opened their colour glowing blossoms as we stepped past them. They were attracting another plurality of magical insects and butterflies. The trundling tiny wonders came to rest on those projecting pedals to satiate their thirst for sweet nectar. Though a few of them always seemed to accompany our way, like how to guide us while the steps of the indrik left silvery marks on the forest floor.
It couldn't be far away anymore ...
"Satan - look out!"
I almost leaped at her sudden exclaim and gasped bewildered, making Silberlicht pause on the spot; intuitionally I spun around on my heels, slapping away a few slender branches. Likely they just had been about to twitch at my hair and clothes as the ancient trees they belonged to were creaking somewhat piqued. Sighing I dropped my shoulders and cracked a smile: "It's alright, I'm fine ... though, thanks for – calling out to me like that."
Biting onto my tongue I just prevented myself from uttering "Thanks for worrying about me" as I didn't dare to cross a line. Snorting I shooed away a firefly that whirred in front of my nose as the indrik tilted its head and let out a gentle trill; more flies were flushed when I heard her clearing her throat quietly: "I – I just didn't want you to get slapped by those branches."
I could tell only by the sound of her voice that she was probably quite embarrassed. Picturing her pretty face just gaining the colour of a tomato softened something inside me; what an adorable imagination.
Suddenly I widened my eyes as Silberlicht stepped further, lowering her head slightly. My humane attendant on the back of the indrik held her breath, staring forward and I assumed to know the reason why. With a smile I caught up with the deer-like creature and reached out: "Take a good look."
And then parted the long, slender willow branches which were hanging from above like a curtain, impervious, without letting anyone see beyond them.
Have I ever asked for much?
I hadn't been here for quite some time, several centuries at least or maybe even almost one millennium. But I knew immediately why I had loved this place so much; the peaceful atmosphere was only disrupted by a few louder cracks of old branches and the buzzing of whirring fireflies as we entered the glade, Silberlicht following me calmly. Behind us the curtain consisting of willow branches fell back to hide the natural beauty again as I asked the indrik to pause for she could climb down its back. Intuitionally I had opened my arms to make sure she wouldn't fall and to my surprise I didn't hear any complaints this time. Just a short groan as she came to land on her feet, supported by my grip.
"Thank you ... ouch", she exclaimed immediately and rubbed her backside. Chuckling I let go of her although my grasp around her waist was still tingling on my palms. It had lasted only split seconds but those were enough to make me nervous. I bit my lips; if touching her had this impact on me, what would happen once we -
"Silberlicht!" Turning around I only recognized the backside of the indrik as Silberlicht trilled and cantered down to the lake. Laughing I took note of her bewildered face staring after the deer-like creature and shook my head.
"Leave her be. It's her home so to speak." Still I had trouble to restrain myself from beaming as I observed her mien for a longer moment. She was totally enraptured by what her beautiful eyes got to see and this sight caused my heart to swell with joy. Watching how she actually relished in everything, scanning her environment almost breathless, contented me inexpressibly.
Even more ... I felt at ease, completely different from usual when I at all times needed to be on my guard; as even trivial things endangered me to give into my rage. Since she was with us now, it was easier for me to bear with my anger, constantly suppressed beneath my rational composure – and a bit of emotional coldness?
Was that one of the reasons she didn't bother to get along with me in the first place?
Maybe.
The only thing that I want is your love –
"Oh my – are those actually butterflies? I think they might be even glowing ... like those blossoms over there! Are there more flowers like those in the Devildom? What is it that makes them glowing so colourful? Is it to attract bugs?"
I wasn't so sure what exactly I had expected when thinking of inviting her to this place. However I hadn't been prepared for this unrestrained enthusiasm. Not being able to open my mouth and answer this flood of questions right in time, I went ahead and took her hand.
"Let's go and have some rest at first – do you see the sallow near to the lakeshore?" Pointing out to the ancient looking tree enthroning majestically above the shore I turned around to her, smiling: "I don't know about you, but I'm a little hungry now."
Guiding her further around the lake I allowed her a few times to pause and admire whatever it was that caught her eye. I didn't come to notice until now but she was amazingly attentive, appreciating beauty in what seemed to me like most banal things.
Something which made her quite likeable, even more than before. I just tilted my head, narrowing my eyes and looked her over carefully.
Only to realize that the shimmering fireflies buzzing around us didn't add to her presence but the other way round. Being here with her made this place utterly perfect as if she was enlightening the glade with her astonishment and delight. Again I felt this curious airiness as if my feet had left the ground. My hand around hers tightened its grip slightly without me taking note of it.
As less as I noticed at first how the gesture was replied by her.
Say that our love ain't water under the bridge ...
A hollow of the massive sallow offered barely enough space for us both to crawl in and sit down next to each other. Once we got in there I opened my bag and got us our sandwiches. Although I had claimed to be hungry I couldn't resist to satiate her curiousity while she was busy chewing on her part of our provisions.
"... is one of the few less places in those regions which can be considered a magical sanctuary for many creatures by now. Not less of them are endangered in many other places." Taking a little bite of my sandwich I tilted my head at her; frowning my counterpart just swallowed a bite to open her mouth: "But why? Don't tell me -"
"Demons aren't that different from humans in some ... aspects", I cut her off with a frown and distorted my face. For a moment she kept staring at me rather stunned and began to blush.
"Do you know ... have those creatures ever ... lived in the human world as well? Indriks and glowing butterflies and -" Suddenly she disrupted herself, staring ahead to the lake. And I bit my lips shortly.
"Once there have been indriks in the human world as well. A long time ago."
It's so cold out here ...
For a short while there was silence. Neither one of us spoke a word although it didn't feel tensed or uncomfortable. On the contrary, I quite enjoyed sitting next to her like this, my eyes wandering over the quiet lake without focusing on anything in particular. Musing. Maybe even dreaming a little.
... in your wildeness ...
Until she got up and made her way down to the lakeshore. Silberlicht was there, bending down to drink from the crystal clear water while I observed the human in the tall shadow grass. Reaching out to a few blossoms she caused a bunch of fireflies whirring around her. With a gasp she covered her face for a moment and laughed her heart out as the buzzing, colourful swarm slowly dispersed. Biting my lips I hesitated before getting up as well to join her.
I want you to be my keeper ...
She was so pretty. So unspeakable ideal and beautiful that it hurt me, knowing I wouldn't be considered the one to gift that smile on her face to the world. To earn her the happiness she was seeking for. But even though, her melodic laughter washed away that painful notion to be replaced with the desire to share this instant with her, as brief and short as it could be. Maybe it would be my last opportunity to have her acting this carefree in my presence.
I better was grateful and didn't waste it.
... but not if you're so reckless –
Right in this moment, my head bobbed up and around to Silberlicht who gave out a long trill like a cheerful laughter and reared up, shaking her head boisterously. As the indrik came to land onto her hoofs again, another countless numbers of fireflies and bugs soared up in the air, turning the glade and the lake into a sea made of colourful dancing lights.
A laughter resounded in my ears, a sound which I hadn't actually listened to in what felt like centuries. Taking her hand I boldly swung her around, the surprise in her voice and her stiffened, tensed body quickly adjusted to my own enjoyment. Her pleasurable voicing harmonized with mine as we both danced around the lake, without restraint and utterly unwound. No sharp look, no objection, no refusal.
Could it be like this at any time? Was there a way? If not ... she ought to tell me. She ought to tell me that I wasn't supposed to get my hopes up, that she wasn't about to enjoy all of this the way she did in this moment. Right?
She ought to prove me wrong, even if my ability to draw deductions rarely ever let me down.
Say it ain't so, say it ain't so, say it ain't so, say it ain't so –
Lifting her up in a bold, spirited move I swirled around myself with her a few times before letting her down again. And sinking down together with her into those deep, meaninful orbs which were still a mystery to me.
A mystery that needed to be solved. No matter how much time it would eventually take me to understand her.
Say it ain't so, say it ain't so, say it ain't so, say it ain't so –
No matter, how long I would have to keep my patience up. Seeing her smiling up to me like this confirmed as much.
It wasn't all in vain. Her happiness, my dreams. Our mutual path through this wilderness.
Say that our love ain't water under the bridge!
* * * * *