Work Text:
Feeling. Jensen’s Pov.
“I can’t believe we’re doing this?” Jared says; grabbing onto my hand.
“We?” I place my other hand on my bulging stomach. “I’m pretty sure I’m the one giving birth here.” I say with a tired smile.
“I know.” He leans forward to peck my lips gently. “And I love you so much for bringing our little angel into this world.”
I’ve been in labor for fifteen hours…fifteen fucking hours, and when the pain finally became too intense for me to handle I begged for an epidural; best decision I’ve ever made.
“Jensen.” The doctor says coming into the room. “How are you feeling?” He asks with a kind smile.
“Tired.” I groan. “And I really want to meet this little guy.” I say, rubbing circles into my stomach.
“I still say it’s a little girl.” Jared says, squeezing my hand gently as the doctor looks…down there…to see how much I’ve dilated.
“Well I’ve got some good news for you two.” The doctor says, standing up. “You’re gonna be able to see what you’re having in a little bit.” Hope fills my heart.
“Do you mean…?” Jared trails off and the doctor nods.
“I’m just going to go get my nurses and we’ll be ready for you to start pushing.” He leaves the room quickly and I feel my eyes brimming with tears.
“Jen what’s wrong?” he asks.
“I’m just…” I trail off, not knowing how to describe what I’m feeling right now: Happiness, relief, fear.
“I know baby.” He says, kissing my temple. “Everything’s gonna be awesome.” The doctor and nurses walk into the room and start to prepare, and before I know it the doctor is telling me to push.
I don’t know how long I pushed for, but when the doctor told said that the head crowned a tingling sensation made its way through my legs. I open my mouth to ask if it’s normal, but the doctor tells me to push again and a moment later a high pitched wail goes through the room.
“It’s a boy!” the doctor announces, and I can’t help but cry in joy. Jared crushes his lips in mine, and I can feel one of his tears drop down onto my cheek.
“You did it Jen.” He laughs in joy and I can’t help but smile in return as I lean back into the pillows. The crying gets louder and I look up to see a nurse carrying a covered bundle over to me.
“Here’s your son Mr. Padalecki.” She says with a smile, placing him into my arms. I look down and my breath catches in my throat. He looks…perfect. He’s the perfect mix of me and Jared; out angel.
“He’s perfect Jay.” I whisper as Jared sits down next to me, running his hand lightly over his cheek.
“He’s so beautiful…” he trails off in aw.
“Did you guys have a name picked out?” the doctor asks and I nod my head, not wanting to look away from my little boy.
“Ethan William Padalecki”
“A solid name.” he says. “Well I need to check on another patient, but I’ll let the nurses take care of you two.” I look up to look in the doctors eyes.
“Thank you so much.” I say, and he smiles.
“You’re welcome; I’ll be coming back to check on you guys later.” I nod.
“I need to take him.” A nurse says. “We need to clean him up and check over him.” He says with a smile. “I’ll get him back to you as quickly as I can.” I want to fight it, but I want to make sure that everything is ok with my baby. I nod and hand Ethan to the nurse. I drop back into the pillows, feeling like I want to pass out from exhaustion.
“Sleep Jen; you deserve it.” Jared says, kissing my forehead. I go to say something else, but my eyes slide shut and everything goes black as I fall asleep.
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I open my eyes to see Jared sitting in a chair by my bed, holding our son with a huge smile on his face. I move to sit up but my legs aren’t moving…wait what? I shake my head a little bit, thinking that I’m just really tired and I try to shift my legs around, but they stay in their place. My heart pounds in my chest and my breath gets caught in my throat.
“Jen what’s wrong?” Jared asks; shooting up from his chair while being mindful of the baby in his arms.
“I- I can’t move my legs.” I gasp out.
“Wh-what?” Jared asks as the color drains from his face.
“I CAN’T MOVE MY LEGS!” I scream in fear; and Jared reaches over to press the button to call in a nurse.
“Jen it’s all gonna be ok; they’ll fix it.” He says trying to calm me down.
“What is it? I heard screaming?” The nurse that helped me while I was in labor, Mark, asks in worry as he runs into the room.
“I can’t move my legs.” I cry, and his eyes widen.
“I’m going to get the doctor…” he trails off, rushing from the room.
“Jared what’s wrong with me?!?!” He sets the baby down in the basinet by the bed, he’s surprisingly still asleep after all my screaming, and pulls me into his arms.
“Shh they’ll figure it out Jen.”
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Spinal Hematoma; that’s what the doctor called it…Because I was asleep they didn’t realize anything was wrong…if I would have woken up sooner, or told them about that tingly feeling in my legs while I was in labor they could have tried to fix it…they don’t know if I’ll ever walk again…but because ‘ the blood supply to spinal cord was compromised for over eight hours’ as the doctor said, there’s a good chance I’ll be paralyzed for the rest of my life….paralyzed all because I listened to what the fucking doctor said and took an epidural.
“Shh.” Jared sooths right next to me, rubbing soothing circles into my side as I cry into his chest.
“What am I supposed to do?” I cry; clenching his shirt in my hand. “Our son isn’t even a day old yet and I’ve already failed him!” I wail, and Jared squeezes me harder.
“Jen you haven’t--” I cut him off.
“ How am I supposed to get him out of his crib? How am I supposed to take care of him? How am I supposed to keep up with him when he takes his first steps? How am I supposed to lift him into my arms?”
“Jen--”
“How am I supposed to play with him? I can’t….I can’t…” Jared kisses my temple.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen Jen; but no matter what happens we’ll find a way to survive.” His voice cracks, and I look up to see tears in his blood shot eyes. “This hospital has a great physical therapy center and they said that they’d work with you--” I cut him off again.
“That doesn’t help me raise my baby boy.” I sob, and he starts to cry to. “I can’t take care of him like this…”
“Shh Jen.” His lips linger on the top of my head for a while; waiting for me to calm down a little. “We’re going to get through this.” He says as he pulls my even closer to his chest. “We’re a three person unit; you, me and Ethan; and no matter what happens we’ll have each other.” I let his words sink in for a few minutes as I try to calm down.
“I won’t be able to be the father Ethan needs.” I whisper; dread filling my chest.
“No; you’re already the best father in the world; you protected him in there for nine months.” He says, placing a hand on my puffy stomach. “And right now all you’re worrying about is Ethan.” He looks out the window for a moment. “The doctor said that there was a chance that, with physical therapy, you could walk again; use Ethan as your motivation.”
“Jared--”
“I know that we’ll be ok no matter what happens…”
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~~~1 Month Later~~~~
My arms shake terribly as I hold onto the parallel bars, and I can see my sweat dripping onto the blue floor below me.
“Come on Jensen, just two more and you can take a break.” My physical therapist says, placing her hand on my shoulder. I look up to see Jared through the window of the sitting room. He smiles at me and lifts Ethan so I can see him. Jared takes one of Ethan’s chubby little hands and makes it do a little wave and I can’t help but smile. I look back down again and take a deep breath; willing my legs to move…for Ethan.
It takes me a few minutes but in the end I don’t end up taking two more steps; I take three.
~End~