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Where was it again? Karma thought glumly as she searched the streets for Shane’s apartment. The night was illuminated only by the streetlights and she could feel the cold creeping up her skin, sending shivers across her spine. She walked past giggling couples and staggering drunkards who collapsed immediately upon the pavement. She felt unsafe walking alone and she knew it was definitely a bad idea but she and Liam had just broken up and she needed to talk to Shane, to hear his soothing voice telling her that everything was going to be alright.
She stopped by under a streetlight and pressed her hands against her eyes. They were still raw from crying all the way here. The fight had been stupid really. Liam and Soleil had been hanging again and Karma got jealous and Liam got pissed off and then they were yelling. Liam was never known to use his fist but the look of pure rage in his eyes had been daunting and she swore that she could practically see him wanting to hit her. It was all a blur afterwards. She had left in a hurry, stumbling into the night wearing only her pajamas and some flippers. Now here she was, cold and shaking and in desperate need of a friend.
She looked up at all the tall buildings. She had left her phone back at their place so she had no way of calling Shane. He was probably at some party right now or on a blind date, oblivious to the pain in her chest.
Karma wiped her eyes and then rubbed her fingers together. They were stiff and cold. The wind was like a slap to her face, freezing the tears running down her cheeks and making her breaths visible. She ran her hands against her arms, staring at the cracked pavement and desperately trying to remember which building was Shane’s. She knew that it was on the fifth floor and on the 3rd room but she forgot which building it was. IT didn’t help with the fact that her brain was foggy, blurred with the image of Liam’s red face and his angry voice raging against the back of her eyelids.
Pull yourself together, Karma, she scolded herself. She looked up, her vision adjusting. There were two buildings in front of her; one was a bright red and the other was a simple white. She tried to grasp at memories of stumbling into the night and ending up at Shane’s place. She saw a flash of red and her mind was decided. Okay. Red building.
Problem was, she didn’t have a key and no means of contacting Shane. Her eyes trailed to the rickety fire escape and she took a sharp intake of breath. Apparently, having your heart torn apart meant that you couldn’t think straight. She was probably going to get into trouble for this but she didn’t care. She thought of Shane’s warm couch and the sleazy music he always had on his radio and the soft perfume he always seemed to be wearing and decided against the rational.
Clenching her fists tight, she ran across the streets, smelling the first smell of rain coming, the metallic taste it seemed to have on her tongue. She found herself in the alleyway next to building, staring up at the ladder that was far too high for her reach. She looked around, taking in the overflowing garbage cans and breathing hard, trying to push any thoughts of Liam away. Pulling her sleeves to her elbows, she stretched her arms and then jumped as high as she could. The first attempt was a fail since she fell back to her knees hard, the pain reaching up to her legs. She groaned softly, hating herself for being not the gymnast she needed to be at this moment but after a few minutes of kneeling there, she pushed herself up to her feet and then tried again. This time, her right hand grabbed a hold of a rusty rung and she swung forward, trying to get the momentum to reach with her other hand. Yes! She was holding the ladder now with both hands, her feet a few inches of the ground and her arms starting to ache already. She gritted her teeth together, forced the tears back in and pushed herself upward, telling herself that the pain would help, that she would get to Shane’s apartment and get to cry her heart out but for now, she just needed to get past this.
After what seemed like ages of struggling, she finally managed to reach a certain rung that allowed her legs to land on a handhold. She took a deep breath, smelling the incoming rain and the rust of the metal beneath her fingers. The rest was easier then, just climbing the ladder without any more pain. Her arms were aching though but she told herself that it would pass. She then landed on the fire escape, feeling the cold hard metal against her skin. She looked down and counted the windows. Second floor. Okay. Three more floors to go.
“Shane, by the time I get there, you better be asleep because I am crawling next to you,” she muttered darkly.
She stood up and walked up the crooked steps, her footsteps ringing softly in the hushed silence of the street. She kept glancing up at the sky, admiring the stars shining brightly against the darkness. When she counted the windows once more, she realized that she had reached her destination. What she needed now was to get to the third window. Problem was, the fire escape only reached the second and she’d need to be Spider-man to climb walls and sneak in. Fucking brilliant.
She needed to be quiet too. The second window was wide open and she could practically slip in if she wasn’t careful. She stood there, contemplating her choices before finally throwing everything into the wind by thinking fuck it I’m doing this shit. She swung her legs over the railings, fingers digging hard against her palms and then reached out to grip the railing of the third window. She was thankful of the fact that there were no flower pots. That would’ve been messy. She also noticed that it was dark inside. Damn. Shane was probably out or sleeping. She clawed at the window and breathed a sigh of relief when she heard it drag upwards. She could see the couch inside and the TV in front of it. Damn it, Shane. She hated him for making her do this. She felt a like a criminal crawling through the window and landing in a graceless heap against the wooden floor. She barely had the time to gather her wits together before lights suddenly flared and a voice that was definitely not Shane’s shouted,
“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?”
Karma pulled herself up to her feet. Her vision was adjusting to the brightness but she could see someone against the kitchen doorway, holding something long in their hands. She rubbed at her eyes and then raised her hands over her head. Everything was such a blur.
“Okay, okay!” she nearly screamed, heart pounding. “I’m looking for Shane Harvey!”
“Shane?” The other person didn’t drop her weapon. Karma was sure she was a girl now. “He’s in the other room. You fucking sneaked in the wrong apartment!”
Karma’s ears rang. She could see that the girl was approaching warily. She was wearing a cute red shirt with grey sweatpants. She had blonde hair which curled around her face. Her eyes were very bright and green; even Karma could see it from afar. She was tall and thin and Karma’s eyes locked instantly with hers, wondering if this turn of events was something she should be laughing about.
“Okay, I’m sorry,” Karma said, putting her hands down. She suddenly shivered. The window behind her was letting air in, making her shake in her thin clothes. “I had a fight with my boyfriend and I was looking for Shane. Unfortunately, I left my phone so I couldn’t contact him. I had to improvise.”
“You broke through my apartment,” the girl said plainly.
Karma stepped closer. She saw that the weapon was a baseball bat. She wondered what would’ve happened if this girl had thought of hitting than asking. She was glad that Blondie somehow had enough wits not to hit her right now.
“I didn’t know it was your apartment!” she tried to explain.
“Holy cow, woman!” the girl said, setting her bat down and looking very much annoyed. “If you want to see someone, at least have the decency to know the right apartment window!”
“The last time I was in Shane’s place, I was drunk okay? What would you expect?”
“I expect nothing like this!” Blondie gestured dramatically at Karma. “I sure as hell did not expect someone in pajamas to come crawling through my window at 11 pm!”
“Hey! I said I was sorry!”
“Whatever okay!” The girl ran her fingers through her blonde hair. “Just go to Shane’s place!”
“Alright!” Karma raised her hands again and carefully maneuvered her way towards the front door. Blondie was watching her warily, green eyes stormy. It reminded Karma of the calm before a storm, the peace before a disaster. She fumbled for the knob and swung the door forward. She stepped through the threshold, not even mumbling a goodbye to the girl who could’ve hit her in the head with a baseball bat.
The door slammed shut behind her. Karma flinched. It felt strange to be alone with her thoughts again and there was a moment where everything was silent, where the voice in Karma’s head was finally hushed. But then it faded off and Karma’s body collapsed on itself when she remembered Liam again. She turned to the door on the left of Blondie’s and knocked on it tentatively. After a few minutes, there was no response. Shane was probably out, leaving her to her despair and misery.
Her sadness and disappointment suddenly turned to hot anger. Where the hell was Shane? He should be standing next to her, telling her that everything was okay and that Liam was a dick and that they should just break up before anything got worse. But he wasn’t here. What happened next was a complete blur, highlighted by a sudden blunt pain. Karma swung her fist forward, with every intention of breaking Shane’s door apart but she heard her knuckles crack and it was just pain, pain and pain. She howled silently, rubbing her fist and cursing everything. So much for breaking the door. She was sure she broke her hand instead.
“Damn it, Shane,” she mumbled darkly, sliding to the floor and wrapping her arms around her knees. She laid her forehead against her arms and closed her eyes. She’d wait for him here, no matter how long it took. Even if her fingers were freezing and even if she was shaking really badly. She’d wait. She wasn’t going to go back to Liam. She wasn’t that weak. She had self-respect after all.
She didn’t know how long she sat there, quietly freezing. Memories flashed across her head, heated arguments with Liam, nights spent crying on Shane’s shoulder, the yawning pit of emptiness in her chest. When she was pretty sure that she had stayed there for nearly five hours already, she heard a door opening and footsteps creaking against the wooden floor.
“Holy shit,” she heard someone say. She couldn’t tell if it was Shane’s voice.
There was a rustling noise and then somebody was shaking her shoulder roughly.
“Hey,” the person said, “Hey. Wake up. You’ve been here an hour.”
An hour? Karma raised her face, eyes stinging.
“I don’t think Shane’s coming,” Blondie said, green eyes staring at her curiously. “He might’ve went to a party or something.”
“I—” Karma’s throat hurt. She cleared it uncomfortably, wishing that Blondie’s intense gaze would at least fade. “I can’t go back.”
“I hear you.” The other girl glanced down at Karma’s hands. She frowned when she saw the bruises forming on her knuckles. “I—do you want to stay at my place for a while? Until Shane comes back?”
Karma licked her lips uncertainly. Then she nodded slowly. She didn’t have anywhere else to go anyway.
“Okay.” Blondie tried to smile. “Let’s get that hand fixed up then.”
.
Karma was sitting on the couch, letting Blondie fix her bruises. They weren’t really bad but they were a deep purple and it hurt whenever Karma moved her fingers. Blondie was frowning as she worked, carefully wrapping the bandage around the hand. Karma watched her quietly.
“What’s your name?” she asked.
“Amy,” Blondie said, a line creasing between her eyebrows. “You?”
“I’m Karma.”
“Well, Karma, you did a very stupid thing by punching the wall.”
“Door, actually.” Karma managed a dry laugh. “I was pissed. I’m sorry.”
Amy laughed as well. She finished bandaging the hand and then leaned back. Her eyes were so green that it was startling to look at them.
“Do you mind sharing the exact reason why you decided to crawl into my apartment?” Amy asked.
“I told you,” Karma said, rubbing her fingers and wincing slightly, “I was upset. I wanted to see Shane but I didn’t have his keys and I left my phone behind—”
“Yeah, I get that,” Amy interrupted gently, “but do you mind starting from the start?”
Karma was a bit wary to share her fight with Liam but she highly doubted that she was going to see Amy after this whole affair. And besides, Amy had helped her out, reached out a hand and fixed her bruised one. All she was asking for was an explanation. Karma was not planning to be rude so she began the story reluctantly.
“Liam and I met in high school. He was the hottest guy in the class and I wanted him really badly. It’s a really stupid reason once you think about him. I didn’t even know him but that didn’t quench my desire. So I talked to him and he warmed up to him and things started to flow slowly and then we were dating. It was a steady relationship at first and he was nice and funny and understanding. But then the months passed by and he sort of got bored of me I guess. Until recently, he was hanging out with his old friend Soleil and it kind of raised really bad memories I guess. They were friends with benefits actually.”
“Oh.” Amy flinched. “I’m sorry.”
Karma smiled. It was nice to know that somebody was sympathetic to her. A stirring in her stomach interrupted her thoughts. She frowned, knowing she wasn’t hungry or sick. She shook her head and continued,
“I came home from college tonight and the place was empty. I stayed up until 10 waiting for Liam to come back and when he did, he was slightly drunk and the first thing he did was call Soleil and I kind of just snapped you know? I started yelling at him that he was getting bored of me, accusing him of things that I had been thinking about for weeks. And do you know what he said? He admitted that he just wanted more action with Soleil and then it was all a big blur after that because we were screaming at each other and he looked like he wanted to hit me so I left in a hurry, freezing my ass off and shaking with fear. I ran all the way here and then climbed the fire escape and slipped into your window, thinking it was Shane’s. I know. I know. It’s really stupid that I did all of these things because of some guy.”
Amy tilted her head to one side, face scrunched up adorably. “Yeah, I dothink it’s stupid.”
Karma laughed softly, shrugging. “I need moral support here, not opinions.”
“I’m not good at comforting people,” Amy confessed. She brought her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, propping her chin against her knee. She gave Karma a small smile, one that made Karma feel slightly dizzy. “But I’m going to be honest here…”
“What?” Karma leaned forward.
“If I were him, I’d never let you leave,” Amy said, sounding perfectly serious.
Karma’s eyes widened. Nobody had ever said that to her but hearing it come from some stranger’s mouth made her rethink some things. She thought of Liam, who seemed to think kissing and making out was the same as being in a relationship with someone. She thought of him doing his art work rather than taking her out to dates. She thought of him nodding to her stories but never contributing to it. She thought of him smiling more and more whenever Shane or Soleil was in the picture. She thought of him as being unhappy with her and her chest constricted.
“Can I borrow your phone?” she asked suddenly.
Amy looked at her warily. “You’re not going to call him, are you?” She handed Karma her phone.
“Me? Call my ex-boyfriend in the middle of the night after I’ve just ran miles and miles away from our apartment?” She let out a laugh, which sounded wrong to her own ears. “Please.”
But she did call Liam and the look of betrayal on Amy’s eyes nearly made her stop. Then she could hear Liam’s voice against her ear and his heavy breathing. She could almost smell the alcohol on his breath.
“Who’s this?” he asked.
“It’s Karma,” she said, biting back tears.
“Karma? Where the hell are you? I’m driving around down in the middle of the—”
“It’s over,” she said and there was a small pause in the other end of the phone. She looked over at Amy who nodded at her, even though her green eyes betrayed another emotion she couldn’t comprehend.
Liam was still quiet and it made her nervous, made her feel as if she was going to puke.
“Okay,” he murmured and she vaguely heard an engine stopping and the silence of the night. “Okay then.”
Karma let out a sigh. This was what she wanted. No drama over a break-up but it still hurt to know that he was going to fight for their relationship. It still hurt knowing that he wasn’t going to say anything, not even to apologize. She should’ve known that he was toxic from the start.
“I’ll get my stuff tomorrow,” she said, “I’ll give you the key.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Liam cleared his throat. “And Karma, I am sorry.”
Karma hung up before she could explode with tears. She handed Amy back her phone, grabbed a nearby pillow and buried her face into it. She could feel Amy watching her but she couldn’t even bear to meet her gaze. She didn’t want this stranger to see how weak and broken she was. Fuck it. She didn’t want Amy to see her getting so brokenhearted about a guy. It made her feel embarrassed.
A few moments passed and she suddenly felt Amy’s hand against her arms.
“Are you the hugging type?” Amy asked.
Karma laughed through her tight throat and tear soaked voice. Somehow, Amy always managed to get a laugh out of her, whether or not she liked it. She looked up to the blonde and nodded slowly. There was hesitation in Amy’s movements as she carefully moved towards Karma. Karma found herself holding her breath and clutching at the pillow tightly. She didn’t know why she was suddenly getting nervous but the image of Amy approaching her slowly with that determined look on her face made her think of other things.
Amy’s arms suddenly went around her and Karma found herself breathing in the smell of lavender. She hadn’t thought of Amy as a lavender type person but it was there alright, overwhelming her senses and making her head swim. Amy tightened her grip and Karma embraced her back, pressing her face against the other girl’s shoulder. Warmth spread across her stomach. It was odd. She hadn’t felt this way in a long time. She could’ve sat there all night, hugging this stranger but then Amy suddenly patted her back and she knew that it was time to pull away.
She locked eyes with Amy who leaned back and managed a small smile.
“Feel better?” she asked.
“Yeah. Much.” Karma nodded a bit too fast.
Amy glanced over at her watch. “Well, I think it’s time we better get to sleep. I’ll lend you a blanket. You can have the couch if you want.”
“Oh sure.” As the other girl stood up, Karma licked her lips and said, “Hey Amy?”
Amy turned around, blonde hair waving. Karma thought she looked very pretty.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
For a moment, Amy just stood there, staring at her and not saying anything. Her green eyes made Karma feel as if she was on fire. Something about her gaze made her feel strange and lightheaded. Like standing up too fast and having to work with the dizziness for a few seconds. Except with Amy, it lasted quite a while.
“It’s okay.” Amy nodded.
She walked off. Karma let out a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding in. She stretched her arms and then lied down on the couch, turning her eyes to face the blank TV screen. She could hear Amy in her room, presumably getting the blankets. She didn’t know if she should feel embarrassed or grateful but she did know something. She owed Amy.
When the other girl came back, Karma smiled at her.
“Don’t let the bed bugs bite,” Amy said, winking.
“Ha. You too.” Karma looked down to hide the blush on her face.
Later that night, Karma slept better than she had months before. Maybe it had something to do with that damned lavender smell or the soft blanket around her shoulders. Whatever it was, Karma knew that she wasn’t going to let it slip away. So when Shane came around in the morning, shaking her arm awake and looking concerned, Karma handed Amy her number, thanking her for the crazy night.
And Amy had promised to call her back.