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Benrey watched the ceiling fan blades spin around above him, eyes trying and failing to keep up with one specific blade. The cool air blowing on his face felt nice, but it wasn't enough stimulation. Sprawled out on the couch, the realization sunk in - he was bored.
"Ughhh… when's Feetman getting back?" he said to no one in particular. Usually Gordon wasn't gone all that long. All he had to do was drop Joshua off at school and "pick up a few things at the store." A few things is like, a bag of chips and a soda, they figured. Benrey started to twist his hoodie strings loosely around his fingers. They missed Gordon when he was gone. Pretty much any time Gordon left, Benrey felt a little hole in the center of his chest that wasn't filled until Gordon returned. He knew why, but preferred not to think about it. His feelings for Gordon were… complicated to say the least, but he'd be lying if he said there wasn't a romantic inclination to them. Besides, no use getting hopes up over something that will never happen, right?
The sound of a key jangling in the door lock caused Benrey to bolt upright on the couch. If he had a tail, it would have been wagging, he thought. How dumb.
The door opened slowly, Gordon gripping several plastic bags in both his hands. Benrey's eyes drifted down and noticed Gordon's prosthetic hand had more grocery bags locked in between his fingers. Made sense, he supposed, a robot hand could carry more than a human hand. Benrey's eyes closed and opened slowly like a cat as Gordon used his foot to kick the door closed, processing the scene in front of him before speaking up.
"Oh, yo, uh you need a hand wi- I mean uh, do you need help?" Benrey asked.
"Nah, I got it," Gordon said with a huff, tossing the grocery bags into the island counter with a loud THUD. "I just had to pick up a few things."
"Mmhmm, does baby boy Feetman know how to count? Missed kindergarten and never learned his 1, 2, 3s?"
"Shut up," Gordon laughed.
"Bro seriously, this is like. The whole store," Benrey teased, smiling.
"Yeah well, a guess a few things for three people ends up being a lot of things, huh?" Gordon said as he began unloading the groceries from their plastic bags. Benrey got up from the couch and started helping Gordon unload.
"Ohhh, Mountain Dew, gamer fuel!" Benrey exclaimed.
"Did you know Mountain Dew was originally marketed as a Southerner's drink? It's called Mountain Dew because it was made in Tennessee, and 'Mountain Dew' was another name for moonshine," Gordon said.
"What? How do you even know that?"
Gordon shrugged. "I like watching a lot of top 10 facts videos on Youtube. It was on one about soda or something. Not even sure if I'm remembering it right but I thought it was interesting. I bet Darnold or Tommy would know for sure, though, they seem interested in sodas."
"Cool," Benrey replied, pulling more objects from the bags. "Guess that's one of your scientist things, huh?"
"I dunno if I'd call it that," Gordon chuckled. "But I like to know things. To understand them. I guess that's why I became a scientist in the first place."
"Makes sense, you are always asking stuff. I don't care to know about stuff other than what I care about."
"Makes sense," Gordon repeated. "Speaking of which, I wanted to ask you something." Benrey's eyes widened and his pupils sharpened a bit, heart racing.
"Yeah, bro, what's up?" he asked, no signs of his sudden spike in anxiety showing.
Gordon pulled out a flashlight from one of the bags and nervously tossed it from hand to hand.
"So, like. I got this blacklight flashlight." He shook the blacklight gently in his hand. "It's just that… ever since I saw your skeleton thing when we were playing lazer tag I've been thinking about it. If it's okay with you, I'd like to take a closer look. Just to try and understand it and all. Don't feel pressured or anything though."
Benrey gulped hard. Though they didn't like to talk about it much, Gordon was aware of how Benrey was treated in Black Mesa, prior to becoming a security guard. Benrey only ever mentioned it in little bits and pieces, combining together like a puzzle to reveal the full story: The unfortunate alien was plucked from his home planet and ruthlessly experimented on. Being probed about his anatomy and powers often made Benrey wildly uncomfortable, but with Gordon it was different. Gordon understood what Benrey went through and tried his hardest not to push Benrey when they didn't want to talk. Gordon asked questions as a scientist, sure, but his curiosity never outweighed his humanity. It was… nice. Still, the idea made Benrey nervous. They didn't want to accidentally trigger any non-epic, traumatic memories. Not to mention the... intimate implications of the request.
"Yeah. Totally. Totally cool you can do that." Benrey's face was stone and his voice fell flat and monotone. Their attempt to sound nonchalant came off as completely emotionless, great. Gordon's head turned to the side a little.
"You sure?"
"Yeah!" Benrey's voice was too high pitched now. Dang, they were losing hard at this. Benrey cleared his throat as an attempt to reset his voice box. "Really bro it's fine. Just a little showing skin between bros, no biggie."
"Don't say it like that." Gordon rolled his eyes.
"Ohhh, okay homophobe. Scared to look gay in front of your best friend Benny? Top 10 Gordon Meanman moments. Gonna put socks on so it's not gay, huh?"
"Benrey shut up seriously, you're so annoying." Gordon rolled his eyes again as he walked around and flipped the light switches off. "Besides, you can't be gay and homophobic."
"Sure you can. Ever met Bubby?"
Gordon howled with laughter. "Okay, okay, fine you got me there. Do me a favor and hop on the couch?" Benrey plopped onto the cushions unceremoniously. Gordon sat down beside him, facing his companion. "If at any point this makes you uncomfortable, please tell me, okay? Safe word is Mountain Dew."
"Cool…" Benrey's voice drifted off. Their face started to heat up. There was no way Gordon knew how intimate this was, right? Had he mentioned it to him before? They didn't remember saying anything about the social cues when it came to blacklight markings, but then again, their memory wasn't the greatest. Sure, anyone on his planet could see his markings from areas of exposed skin. It was an important identifier, a core aspect of anyone's being there. But to show off his markings to be inspected this closely? This was an action reserved for the closest of companions - they were practically baring their very soul to Gordon. Understanding Benrey's pattern was understanding them at their most fundamental level.
Benrey took a deep breath. Gordon was a scientist . He's curious about things like scientists are. This is just a science thing. No biggie.
"I'm going to shine it on your face, if that's cool. Close your eyes if it's too bright." Gordon clicked on the blacklight and waited until Benrey nodded to shine it up to their face, revealing a beautiful glowing marking of a skull.
"Wow…" Gordon said breathlessly. The skull looked cartoonish and simple in style, which Gordon felt was appropriate for how cartoonish Benrey seemed to be. Despite that, it was haunting and strange in a way that made Gordon's skin crawl. It was just so… Benrey .
"I'm pretty hot, huh?" Benrey joked.
"Yeah, I guess so," Gordon replied, not really hearing what Benrey said. He snapped back to reality when he realized Benrey hadn't closed his eyes. "Does this not hurt your eyes?"
Benrey slowly blinked. "No, uh, not really. Just looks like where I'm from. The, uh, sun I mean. Earth sun hurts way more."
"Fascinating," Gordon said as he bit his lip. "Can you take off your shirt?" Benrey swallowed a thick wave of sweet voice back down his throat. Their palms started to get sweaty and their heart started drumming quickly in their chest again.
"Bro, what?"
"Sorry!" Gordon exclaimed, sitting up straight, stiff with embarrassment. "I wanted to see more of your patterns, I figured- I mean, I assumed you have the whole skeleton. Can't see it with all your clothes on. I mean-!"
"Woah, woah, okay dude. Just buy me dinner after, lol." Benrey said, cutting Gordon off. Gordon was so flustered he didn't even process Benrey saying "lol" out loud. "The beanie stays on though. Not gonna find any funky bones in my hair, anyways."
"Yeah, no problem."
Benrey began pulling his hoodie off, then his shirt. A twinge of embarrassment shot through them, as well as a deep feeling of exposure. Their brain started to tug on memories of being on an autopsy table, torn apart and respawning as if nothing happened. Benrey shoved his memories back down. He didn't want to think about them, not now, not ever.
After tossing aside his clothing, Benrey turned back to Gordon and gave a thumbs up. Gordon shined the light onto Benrey's chest, and gasped softly, audible enough for Benrey's ears to catch it and heat up.
"Benrey it's…" Benrey tensed up a little, ears burning as he waited for a response. Gordon ran a finger across the rib bone markings on Benrey's chest. "It's beautiful."
Oh.
Well, that'll do it.
Bright pink sweet voice cascaded out of Benrey's mouth like waterfalls. They quickly covered their mouth with their hands, sweet voice still slipping through the cracks of his fingers. The pink faded into a sickly yellow-green color, then dissipated into the air.
If Gordon noticed, he didn't say anything. How he couldn't have noticed was beyond Benrey, though. Gordon's fingers traveled from Benrey's chest to his arm, tracing the outlines of their bones softly. Gordon's fingers then moved outside the outlines, then back onto them a few times in slow, calculated movements.
"The skin at my fingertips tingle a bit when I touch where your markings are, is that normal?"
"Um, yeah, uh, maybe? I wasn't very talky with the scientists, uh, observing me."
"This is incredible, really Benrey." Gordon looked up softly at them, eyes gleaming with wonder. "Thank you so much for letting me see." Benrey's voice was caught in his throat - sweet and normal. He simply nodded and proceeded to put his shirt and hoodie back on.
"You said that day that your powers are connected to the markings, right?"
"Powers, personality, sense of self, all your stats, really."
"So it's you." Gordon snapped his fingers a few times, thinking. "At a fundamental level, it's all you."
"Yeah, bro, it's ya boy Benrey."
"Love that. That's so cool. It makes sense, too. Your personality is kinda, well, dead." Gordon smiled. "You're a lot like death, I think. Mysterious and frightening, but also oddly comforting." Benrey smiled softly as well, glad Gordon appreciated his alien nature. Most humans found the unknown scary before fascinating, and Benrey knew Gordon had already advanced past the "scary" view of Benrey. Or at least they hoped he did. Gordon leaned in closer, face showing evidence to the multitude of thoughts circulating in his mind.
"Hey, if I was one of your species, what do you think my markings would be?"
Benrey's brain sputtered out of control and crashed into the plating of his skull.
How could he just ask that? Hey buddy, can you summarize my entire being in the most intimate way possible, please and thank you? Benrey needed to think , and that was already hard enough normally, but now? They needed a moment.
"Uh, I, um- I need to uh." Benrey bolted off the couch and began to pace around the room.
"Woah, hey Benrey are you good, man?"
"I need. I can't." Benrey tugged on his beanie. Think, Benrey, think! "I need a um, the uh," he motioned his hand as if writing. "Marker, something bright."
"Yeah, I have a paint marker somewhere, one second!" Gordon bolted out the living room down the hall. Once out of sight, a flurry of rainbow colors escaped Benrey's mouth like a cascade. He frantically waved his hands around to destroy the bubbles before Gordon returned.
"Okay, I got a marker and some paper for you." Gordon returned and set both items down on the low table next to the couch. "So you can draw whatever you want to, if that's what you're needing to do." Benrey scooped up the neon yellow marker and tested the color with a few strokes on the paper. Perfect.
"Can I see your arm, please?" Benrey asked, tugging at Gordon's shirt sleeve.
"Yeah." Gordon rolled up his sleeve and Benrey took his arm into his hand, beginning to draw on Gordon's dark brown skin. "Hey, don't draw a penis or anything stupid on me, dude."
"Mm. This is important, shut up now, thank you. Need to think and you're messing me up. Don't look, please," Benrey said with a hint of annoyance in his voice.
"Oh, okay sorry," Gordon said quickly as he turned his head away. A few awkward minutes of silence and furious scribbling passed by. "I was just joking, Benrey, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything. I really am sorry."
"It's okay," Benrey responded, now drawing lower on Gordon's arm. "You just have no idea how important this is to get right is all. Got to get a perfect score on the Gordon Freeman test. Don't get second chances on this, not where I'm from." Before Gordon could think too much about what that meant, Benrey took a step back, then moved in again to grab Gordon's hand and the blacklight.
"Follow me."
Gordon followed Benrey into the bathroom, pulling him in front of the mirror. Benrey closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath. No going back now.
"You ready?" they asked.
"Yeah," Gordon replied, still not looking at his arm. "Are you?" Benrey shrugged.
"Guess so." Benrey pointed the blacklight to Gordon's arm, clicking the button and igniting the neon yellow paint in the darkness. Gordon finally turned his head to gaze at Benrey's craftsmanship in the mirror.
Gordon gasped as he took the artistry in. Centered on his shoulder was an intricate drawing of a sun. Rays of light with elegant details flowed down Gordon's arm, unweaving as they got closer to his hand. Gordon gently touched the paint on his shoulder.
"What does it mean?" he asked in a hushed voice, eyes still fixated on the mirror. Benrey responded softly as well.
"You're the sun. Earth sun, specifically." Benrey's eyes dropped to the floor and a blush crept across his face. "Warm, bright, passionate. A source of joy and life. Guidance and, uh, direction. But can also be uh… a bit heated. Explosive at times. Harder to say in words, sorry." Benrey's eyes peered back at Gordon, only to be met with his tears barely being held back.
"This is beautiful, Benrey," Gordon choked up, tears starting to fall from his face. "Thank you for showing me this. Really." Benrey smiled at Gordon, eyes tearing up as well. Gordon then moved into Benrey, wrapping up in a hug. Gordon was warm and soft and completely overpowering Benrey's small stature, just as they had always imagined he would. They let out a sigh, followed by pink to blue sweet voice reverberating in a low note along the bathroom walls. The colored orbs filled the air as the two of them held each other, both with a new mutual understanding, illuminated by the blacklight.