Chapter Text
TW for panic attacks, blood, sparring, general trauma.
May was in the training room, beating up the heavy bag and losing herself in the rhythm of the punches. The memory of Daisy's betrayal, the bitter way she spat out the words about Bahrain, were burned into her mind.
She didn't blame Daisy. She didn't know, and all she felt was sympathy for the way things had ended for her. She blamed herself, the old familiar guilt for her actions on that cursed day settling like rocks in the pit of her stomach. It was the middle of the night, and she'd thought she was finally past this stage of being unable to sleep without beating something until her knuckles bled.
It had been almost a week, and she still couldn't close her eyes without seeing Bahrain again, with Daisy, her Daisy whom she'd sworn to herself she'd always protect, taking the place of Katya. She always woke up before the gun went off, but she knew how that scenario always ended, had seen the blood seeping through Daisy's clothing once before, and so she easily filled in the blanks.
A tear slipped down her sweating face and she pounded harder, knowing it wouldn't offer her any peace but unable to stop.Sky- Daisy, it was Daisy now, Daisy couldn’t sleep, at all. She was just lying in the bed in her bunk, it was the middle of the night. After everything that happened, all she could feel was pain, again.
After years' long search she found her family, and she tried to hold onto it as hard as she could, yet it all shattered to pieces anyway. Mother? Dead. Father? Memory wiped. And everyone at SHIELD? Keeping their distance. She betrayed them all... again.
The most she was mad at herself, how she hurt the team, how she hurt May. Daisy let herself be manipulated by her mother instead of trusting May, and the things she said, she never wanted to hurt her like that. Being alone with her thoughts was killing her.
Her room was dark, but she didn’t bother to turn on her light, seeing in the dark wasn’t much of an issue for her. She put on her workout clothes and headed to the training room, punching something may be better than just lying in her bed. The hallways were cold, but what to expect, they always were, reminding her how cold this place felt after the whole thing.
Entering the training room she noticed that she’s not alone there, May was there. Just seeing her made a feeling of guilt flush over her. She knew how much he hurt her, how she hurt all of them in fact. “Hey May.” Sky- Daisy said as she approached her carefully.
May shook the hair out from her face, viciously scrubbing away the tears. Sk-Daisy, it was Daisy, not Skye- had enough to deal with without her pain as well. "Daisy." Her tone was unintentionally clipped, a joint byproduct of the tears and her lack of breath- she had been punching hard. She turned to face her, expressionless. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" She didn't blame Daisy, but she had walls for a reason, and when she was feeling that vulnerable they went right back up.
Sky- Daisy, damn it, stood by the door awkwardly. The expression she was seeing on May looked like sad and emotional for a while, then it switched to the regular unreadable one.
Daisy blamed herself, she was blaming it all on herself. May was clearly hurt, emotionally speaking, and it was all her fault.
“Couldn’t sleep, sorry... I was thinking that I could at least... that doesn’t matter. Sorry for bothering you, I will leave.” Daisy would understand May to wanting her there. Her eyes were directed at the floor, she found it hard to look at her.
"Stay." May blurted out, softening her tone. She stepped away from the bag and removed the wraps from her hands, hissing as the soft leather lifted from raw, tender knuckles.
She swore internally as she saw blood. So much for pretending she was okay. "I could do with a sparring partner anyway."
Daisy looked up when May told her to stay. She didn’t expect that, everyone on the base was kind of avoiding her. Walking towards her she noticed that her knuckles are bleeding.
“Are... are you okay?” The brown haired girl asked carefully, she didn’t want to hit a nerve, but she was really worried about May. It was all her fault, she betrayed them.
Yet she was sure that May won’t tell her anything, as always. So at least sparring was a good option.
"I'm fine." she snapped, harsher than she intended. She was not fine. "Let's spar."
She stepped onto the mats and fell into a fighting stance, glaring slightly at Daisy when the girl hesitated to join her. Sparring. Right. She could do this.
She ducked Daisy's punch and froze, panicked.
She could not do this.
She didn't know what it was. It could have been the fact that it was the middle of the night, that she hadn't slept properly for days. It could have been that she was in a room alone with Daisy for the first time since they brought her home, and that the younger girl looked as exhausted and in pain as she was, and it broke her heart. It could even have been the sight of her own blood, red red red, the same colour she saw leaking from Skye-NO, dammit, Daisy's chest every time she closed her eyes.
Whatever it was, it was the final straw, and everything rushed in at once, hijacking the movement and making her knees give way. She knelt on the ground, holding on tight to the mat in a futile attempt to ground herself, gasping for breath as tears streamed down her face. The last thing she wanted to do was break down in front of Daisy- the girl had enough going on as it was- but she was only human, and it was too much, too much, too much, all at once, and she broke nonetheless.
Daisy flinched slightly when May snapped at her, but what did she expect?
Daisy tried to get over herself and stepped into the sparring area after receiving what seemed like a hateful glare from May. She deserved it.
May initiated the first attack, Daisy managed to dodge. If someone else would be watching the scene, they would think that it is just a normal training, they would be terribly mistaken.
The girl received few hits, but she didn’t worry about it, she felt like she deserved them anyway. Everything was going alright until she noticed May freeze. That made Sky- Daisy immediately stop. Seeing her fall to her knees made the girl feel a sting in her heart, she did it, she had no idea what, but it must have been something she caused.
“M-May..” Daisy gasped, she was terrified seeing her like that. She rushed to her, but didn’t touch her in any way, she didn’t wanted to hurt her even more, because that’s what she was - destruction. Daisy's terrified voice cut through the mental fog, giving her something to hold on to, to remind her where she was.
She reached out and grasped her arm- not the hand, not the hand, please- pulling her gently down beside her, needing the presence of another human being next to her. She forced her breathing to match Daisy's, noticing as she did so that Daisy's was a little erratic.
Even so, it was the prompt she needed to get her own breathing more under control.
She was still a little (read: very) emotional, and it was the middle of the night, a time when everything felt different, and so she broke one of her usual rules (don't get too close; trusting will get you killed) and hugged Daisy, clinging onto her tightly and burying her face in her hair.
"I'm sorry, Daisy," she said softly. "You shouldn't have had to see that."
Daisy flinched once again when May pulled her down, but didn’t complain in any way. She could see that May needed her.
Daisy was asking herself why. Why would she trust her? Their very last interaction resulted in fight and Daisy quaking her. She still felt so guilty and bad for it. And mostly for getting manipulated by her mother.
Daisy sat down beside her, still sort of scared and terrified in some way. Sky- Daisy, could feel May calming down.
Daisy didn’t expect a hug, it surprised her on every level. Yet she immediately hugged her back. It hurt Daisy so much to see her broken like that, but she wasn’t surprised. Because it was Daisy’s fault, she broke her trust.
“I...” Daisy began. “I am sorry, for everything. I messed everything up, I betrayed you all. I...” The girl’s eyes filled with tears, she felt responsible for all of it. Nothing would escalate like that if she would have trusted her team.
May pulled back and looked at her, a fierce protectiveness burning through her at the faltering apology.
"Do you really think any of us still blame you for that?" she asked, distressed. "Daisy, you didn't know. None of this is your fault and I didn't blame you for a second. She was your mother. You had been searching for her your whole life. You didn't know."
She smiled, a brittle and broken thing. "If anything, it's my fault. I shouldn't have let you go. I should have seen it sooner, but I-" wanted you happy more than I wanted you with me, she wanted to say, but the words stuck in her throat. Affection was still hard for her, after so long shutting herself away. Still, she loved this girl. So much. For Daisy, she would do anything, and she had to try.