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It had felt like a fairytale, a dream Izuku never thought would come true.
He had everything he had ever dared to hope for. He had hoped to be a hero one day and now not only was he a hero he was the number one hero. He had hoped to make so many friends he would forget the lonely outcasted life he had known all throughout his childhood and he had even found people who held him dear in return, even after graduating U.A.
Izuku had hoped to be friends one day with Kaachan. Now, they were something more, and had been for 3 years to the day.
Maybe that was what brought Izuku to today, once again waiting in their shared apartment with a pot of spicy curry on the stove, made just the way Kaachan liked most. And a small unassuming little cake centered in the middle of the table with a plain black box sitting innocently in front of it.
Izuku had always been an overthinker. Even Iida had told him that it would get him in trouble one day.
Maybe Izuku thought, that day was today.
Kaachan had alway been a hot head. When they were children, before he had even developed his Quirk Kaachan would push Izuku into the mud at the slightest chance or provocation. Izuku never minded much, always content to be by Kaachan's side. That's how it was for almost half their lives. Izuku always chasing Katsuki. Maybe that's why Izuku felt so tired lately. During their time at U.A. Kaachan had cooled down, and after many fights with feeling welling up to unbearable heights, Kaachan had begun to act so civil to Izuku it almost seemed fake. There were times Izuku would pinch himself to be certain he was awake, convinced he could only even have Kaachan so close in dreams. But they weren't dreams and the two of them could laugh together and fight alongside one another like true equals.
It was perfect.
It was 3 years ago Kaachan kissed him. It was after the biggest war neither of them ever wanted to see.
Izuku remember laying on the ground, his bones practically mush inside him as Kaachan dropped his knees by Izukus side. The pain was blinding as Kaachan gently pulled Izuku's head into his lap. Izuku doesn't remember the ride to the medic tent, or the doctors who saved his life. But through it all like some light in the dark or moth to flame Katsuki was there, where ever he went.
All things considered their first kiss was awful. All brute force and angry, blood from Katsuki's slipt lip shared between them. Izuku held on for dear life as Kaachan kissed him, whispering words of comfort and half-hearted threats in between, desperate to keep Izuku awake and he could swear he had never felt so love in his life.
Kaachan didn't leave his side for the month he was in the hospital. He even attended Izukus physical therapy for eight straight months, makeing sure Izuku kept himself in perfect health. His first real day on patrol after the war was Izukus greatest test of patience. Kaachan had followed him the whole day. And once they were home he held Izuku in a vice like grip and demanded he quit being a hero.
Those were some of their bigger arguments. They only ever argued about two things really. Izukus hero work.
And their relationship.
Or for the lack of a better term, Katsuki's reluctance to label it anything at all.
It had been after a particularly long and grueling day of physical therapy, Izuku and Katsuki had found themselves firmly place in front of TV with plates of greasy takeout laid before them. Kaachan had been insistent that he had to feed Izuku. The both of them laughing and play fighting when Izuku innocently made some off-hand remark about 'I don't need my boyfriend to feed me I think I'm capable of that much.'
Katsuki had stopped, his eye blown wide and his shoulders hiked up to his ears.
He had denied it.
'Who the hell said we were like that.' Izuku had been confused. Wasn't that what they were? All those times they had kissed, what was that if not a relationship? The fight had gotten out of hand, Katsuki had never really broken his hot-blooded tendencies and with nasty words and small explosions too close for comfort had Izuku locking himself into their bedroom for the rest of the night. The bedroom they shared. In the apartment they shared. Izuku cried himself to sleep that night.
Katsuki had made up for it the following week with softly spoken apologys and small thought-filled gifts. He still never would let Izuku put a label on what they were. Izuku learned that it wasn't a fight worth having.
But tonight was ment to be different. It was ment to be a new beginning. A clean slate. A whole year without a fight about what they were is a long time to watch the person you love drunkenly flirt with his bestfriend. It wasn't his fault. Izuku just wish Ejiro could see.
Izuku was brought out of his reminiscent daydreaming by the sound of the door opening. Soft shuffling as shoes were removed.
"I'm home." Katsuki called out. His voice wasn't slurred and Izuku was glad.
Izuku sat him self down at the table, hands in lap to hide the shaking and waited.
"I said I'm ho- what the hell is all this?" Katsuki asked, his voice already freezing over.
"It's a three year celebration." Izuku said. "Its a final question."
"Nerd I don't have the fucking patience for this right now I just fucking walked in! You haven't brought this shit up in a fucking year and now you dec-"
"Listen to me Kaachan I don't want a fight I just need you to listen to me." Izuku interrupted, his voice steady where it once may have wavered. He would get an answer.
Katsuki closed his mouth and though Izuku could tell that every part of the other man wanted to scream till he got his way but still he stayed silent. They both really had grown alot from those insecure days when they were teens.
"I get it Kaachan. You don't like change. You want everything to stay as it is, like has been for so long but I'm tired Kaachan. You act like we're together in private but you won't even let Kirishima know we live together! He's your closest friend! You keep everything and everyone separated so far away from each other! Hell you got so mad last Christmas when I told my mom we were gonna spend it together. I'm tired Kaachan, you keep me close and yet so far away. You openly go to bars and hook up with anyone you can but if someone so much as says hi to me on the street you jump down their throats! Its too much and I can't live like this anymore!" Izuku breathed and felt the familiar sting of tears clawing their way out of his eyes.
Katsuki opened his mouth to speak but closed it again and stared at the ground opening and closing his fists as he mulled over his words. "What do want me to say Deku? I'm sorry? What the fuck is it that you actually want from me?"
"Theres so many things I want in this world Kaachan but you are my whole world and you dont even know it." Izuku felt the words leave him so quietly he wasn't even sure Katsuki heard.
"You have me Deku."
"Do i?"
Katsuki flinched at that and let his eyes drift away from Izuku and down to the box in front of him as if he was just now noticing it. His brow furrowed and his eyes snapped up to once again bore into Izuku's. Crimson met emerald. Blood met stone.
"I cant give you what you want." Katsuki whispered, his jaw clenched. His whole body now, it seemed was gearing up for a real fight.
In contrast Izuku felt his body sag in exhaustion. Stupid. He should have known it was doomed from the start
"You could. But you won't."
Katsuki said nothing as Izuku stood from the table and walked away.
As he shut the bedroom door he could hear a soft 'shit' followed by Katsuki's heavy footsteps as the other man followed him.
"Deku wait!" He called out but Izuku had already locked the door. This was no different then all the other times before. Except it would be. It had to be.
"Deku open the fucking door. Deku fucking open up I'm too tired to fucking deal your shit! Fuck just- can't we talk about this some other time? You just don't fucking understand okay! You always want too much! Deku open the fucking door!" Katsuki's words fell on deaf ears as Izuku packed a small duffel bag filled with only things he or his friends had bought him. Turns out when he takes away everything Katsuki had bought for him over the years he really didn't own much.
Izuku opened the window needing to be gone, needing to be on the street or in a hotel, or even a bar. He needed to be anywhere but here.
"Please Izuku I- please don't leave. I cant lose you. Not to anyone, not even myself." Katsuki's voice sounded so broken, so frail, so un-Katsuki-Bakugo that Izuku was scarcely sure it was really him. But Izuku knew what he would he see if he turned around and opened the door. He'd see Katsuki on his knees, his face in his hands hiding his tears. He feel Katsuki grip his pant legs like he was afraid Izuku would disappear. He'd apologize. He'd promise to do better. He'd promise he would try. Izuku knew that would be what Katsuki would do. He knew because that's what always happened.
And because of that Izuku left.
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Izuku doesn't remember where exactly he wondered too, or even how long he walked.
Izuku barely remembers calling his friend. He barely remembers getting on the train or switching at the stations in between. Izuku only realizes what he's done when he sees the house come into view. He can see the lights are on in the kitchen and two other rooms in the house. He can see a figure with duel colored hair pacing by the front door.
Izuku doesn't quite know how he found his way to Shotos home, only that he feels the weight of the world crash down on his shoulders with the realization of his decision.
He only managed to make it up the steps leading to the front door when he collapsed. The tears he had desperately been biting back now drowning him. He could hear Shoto calling out to him, could feel duel temperature arms wrap around him. He felt weightless for a moment and, oh Shoto was carrying him. He felt the plush blanket under him give way with the bed. He felt Shoto rocking back and forth. The tears kept coming. Izuku wailed and cried out. His heart tearing itself to pieces.
Izuku doesn't remember falling asleep that night.
It had felt like a fairytale, a nightmare Izuku never thought would come true.