Chapter Text
3rd POV
“Wow such a handsome man” teased wooyoung as he watched San walk out of his room in his outfit for their special hang out with their boys. “Yeah yeah woo,I know I look great”,snarked San.
You see San and Wooyoung were best friends,may I dare say soulmates,but they also had 6 other best friends who they were currently about to meet up with. “Psh let’s go Sannie”, giggled out wooyoung,off went the two boys
*****
A few hours into the boys hangout and the room they rented for karaoke was filled with laughter,smell of alcohol,and of course loud music. Let’s introduce the little friendship group san and wooyoung have built.
Hongjoong,the sort of ‘leader’ of their friend group. He’s a short guy but he has such a big heart,he’s kinda like the boy's dad. Wooyoung and San met him in their first year of high school,Hongjoong took them in and took care of them.
If hongjoong is the dad then Seonghwa’s the mom. The two are as inseparable as wooyoung and San. He’s always on the younger ones backs,constantly nagging them. Sure the boys get annoyed but they love Seonghwa because he’s just trying to protect them. Wooyoung and San met him through hongjoong,and the moment he saw the two he took it upon himself to treat them like family right away.
Yunho,oh sweet flirty Yunho. San often tells wooyoung about how Yunho cannot calm his inappropriate remarks and actions. The poor boys can’t go out in public without him trying to twerk any chance he gets. Now don’t get them wrong, they of course love Yunho,but he’s a handful. When they first met Yunho San was sure that the freakishly tall giant had a thing for Woo,he was always having some sort of skinship with the younger,but to their surprise Yunho had a lover;Mingi.
Mingi,much like their friend Yunho,was also a giant and very flirty. The only difference between the two was that Mingi may arguably be much louder. Although he is loud and causes tons of headaches,he is sweet and genuine in everything he does. You see San first met mingi not through hongjoong or Yunho,but through an incident,but that is a story for another time.
With all the parental figures and chaotic kids their friend group has,it’s only natural for them to have a sassy one in the mix,and that is exactly who yeosang is. Pretty,blonde,and sassy,that’s yeosang for ya,in all honesty San was terrified of yeosang he constantly felt degraded whenever he was near the boy. Wooyoung on the other hand had quickly befriended him and managed to get him and san to get along. Now look at them best buddies.
In this whole mix of friends there’s obviously gotta be at least one ‘normal’ friend. Jongho is as normal as it’ll get with this group. He’s a year younger than Wooyoung but the kid’s a genius which means he skipped a grade. At first glance san and wooyoung initially thought he was uptight but the boy was far from that,yes he was a bit strict but that was only when it came to his school stuff,after that he was always spending his time at the gym or forcing the others to go.
Now for Wooyoung,he much like, Yunho and Mingi was a flirt. The boy knew exactly the kind of power he held over other people so he often used it to his advantage and would very consistently tease the others,especially san. Him and san had always been together ever since they were little,in all honesty Woo was in love with San,but he would never jeopardize their friendship;he couldn’t.
Finally the infamous San,oh boy was he something. He wasn’t a bad boy,far from it actually. Sure he was late to classes a few times,liked to drink and smoke,and even sleep around a bit(rarely),but by all means he was not a bad boy. You see there were tons of ill annered rumours surrounding him,none of which were true,that had sprouted due to something he could not control: his looks. San was hot,he knew it and so did his friends and the whole school. It wasn’t his fault that his strong jawline,sharp eyes and pink pale lips made him look like a player. He didn’t really mind though,as long as his wooyoung never believed those rumors he was ok.
San pov
It was around 2 when woo and I decided to go home,by that I mean wooyoung was totally wasted so I told the others that we better get going or else he was gonna throw chunks. As I walked through the breezy autumn night halfway home,wooyoung started to stir and then woke up. “Sannieeee i love youuu so muchhh you’re my best friend” he whined,ouch ‘best friend’ talk about friend zoning. I chuckled,”Yes woo you’re my best friend and I love you too”
“Noooo you don’t get it san,you’re such an idiot” he pouted out. I pulled my keys out and unlocked the door to our house,”whatever you say woo, we’re here” I kicked the door open to our shared room,woo gets lonely at night so we decided to just share a room,and laid him down.
“Mm no you never get it sannnie” he sighed out right before passing out. Huh cute. I changed into some comfortable clothing and snuggled up to him,”woo you’re the one whoe never gets it,if I could tell you how much I love you I would. but I’m sorry I’m not good enough,” I whispered out softly under my breath and leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to his temple and soon fell asleep.
****
Stupid. Stupid. Fuck up. Mistake. Coward. Weakling. Useless.
I’ve heard it all,I’m used to it. These harsh words being thrown effortlessly at me. It’s ok I’m ok. It’s my fault anyways,for being like this.
It’s my fault for being as weak as the glass of which china dolls are made of;porcelain.
My childhood wasn’t the best,my mom died while saving me from a car and my dad...well he never looked at me the same after that. He began to turn to drugs to ‘help’ him,I didn’t care but then he started to hit me. It started with simple slaps,but then it escalated into beatings with wires,to smashing boards and vases on me,and at the very worst assault.
At first I hated my life like that but I grew accustomed to it I realized that this was my life and I was prepared to die like that. But then one night when I had been taking a walk outside and I met him: wooyoung. He sat on a swing slowly rocking back and forth,wind blowing through his lavender locks. Stunning and ethereal was all I could think of.
He looked up from where he sat and caught my eyes staring at him and flashed a beautiful smile and motioned for me to come over. Long story short we became acquaintances,friends,and eventually best friends. Although my social life was better because of having a friend my home life was just the same if not worse.
One winter night the wind blew heavily against the trees that rattled against the windows,the small droplets traded in for pieces of hail. As scary and dark the rain was that night,nothing had scared me more than my father. That night he had pushed past the line of assault.
After that night I left for wooyoung's and never came back to my dad again. I never told woo what happened all he knows is that my dad did something very bad.
****
shit. I sat up with a startle as I recalled that night,that night had turned into this constant nightmare that refused to leave me.
I stood up and rushed to the bathroom to hurl out whatever was in my stomach. Ha funny how this was exactly how mingi met me. That time I was a freshman,it was around the time when all these rumors about me and my looks began. I felt so sick of myself,the mere image of my bare body so nauseating that I bolted to the bathroom and bumped into Mingi. I don’t remember much but he said I puked so much I fainted and he carried me to the nurses office,after that we became friends.
I cleaned myself up and checked the time,6am,Woo’s still sleeping. Might as well start the day, off I went to make breakfast.
“Hey sannie” “hey woo” we greeted each other with the usual smile. “Ahh thank you San,your pancakes are the best,” I chuckled,”glad to hear you love them.” We ate our breakfast in a comforting silence.
“Sannie you’re so pretty,your skin is so smooth like porcelain.” I tensed at those words,”heh thanks,” I strained out. “Seriously sannie you look so cute,almost fragile” I pressed my lips together and tightly said,”haha yes I’m as fragile as porcelain. Let’s watch a movie.” I love you wooyoung.
We sat there watching movies,woo in the space between my legs resting his head on my chest. I had my arms wrapped tightly around his waist as he played with my fingers,how nice. The feeling of being in the presence of the person you love;it really does make you feel fragile,like porcelain.
Wooyoung pov
I woke up to the bright sun hitting my eyes and an uncomfortable feeling in my neck. I stood up and stretched as I began to fully awake I realized how quiet the house was. Strange,San would normally be making breakfast by now.
I went into our room and changed and came back out expecting to find San or maybe a note. As I expected,there was a note on the kitchen island,San would never leave anywhere without telling me.
I picked the note up only to realize that it was a rather lengthy note: there’s a box in our room under the bed in the far right corner,inside the box is a tape,please only listen to it by yourself. And no the box wasn’t always there I sent someone to sneak the box in much earlier this morning. Thank you, I love you wooyoung,so much.”
Hm he’s being weird,this is kinda fun though. I followed the instructions of the note and went to go find the box. I pulled the box out from under the bed and realized that all around it it had one word,mono,sans a strange one huh. I found the tape and grabbed the tape player and stuck it in and began to listen to it. It began with some static noises and then San’s voice began:
“Hey Woo good morning! I left some food in the fridge,it’s your favorite pancakes with extra Nutella and powdered sugar,I’m gonna be gone for a while,in fact I’m not coming back.” There was a very noticeable hitch in San’s breath. “By the time you listen to this I’ll be long gone,gone from the house,gone from your life,and gone from the world.” A chuckle could be heard, “it’s crazy how when I first met you I knew I’d love you. I knew I would be so in love with you that I would do anything to see you happy,but I also knew how I’d leave you,I knew how I’d hurt you. I’m sorry woo there’s not much I can say besides that this is all my fault. I’m weak,I was never going to be enough for you. I was porcelain;fragile and weak. I was never meant to fall in love with you because I would never be enough for you. When you told me you loved me I knew it was time,time for me to shatter into pieces of broken glass. As selfish as it is woo I didn’t want to continue it was too hard the thoughts constantly rushing through were too much. I'm so sorry baby. As a final wish Woo I want you to never forget me,I’m sorry I’m so selfish to you,but please don’t forget me and keep living. Maybe sometime in our next lives we will meet and fall in love again,but for now I will say my farewells,Monsters No More at last. Goodbye Jung Wooyoung,I love you.”
The sound of the tape player stopping could be heard. I sat there frozen not knowing what to do. Impossible,never,no he’s ok. He’s fine, he's just playing a prank he’s alive. He’s ok Sannies just being a jerk yes he’s fine,As if on cue the sound of my ringtone went off,without even looking I accepted the call.
“Woo...San he’s... they found his body by an old abandoned park...he was w-woo san he-...” Ah yeosang called,”woo sannie’s in the hospital. I’m so sorry woo we’re at the hospital already please hurry please woo w-we don’t know if he’ll-“
I threw my phone and grabbed a jacket and slipped some shoes on and ran to the hospital. I have to see him,he can’t leave me. I ran and ran until I reached the receptionist desk and asked where san’s room was,with that but if information given I ran even more
I arrived outside of his room and saw hongjoong crying into a pale looking Seonghwa. I saw a dead silent mingi and a very gloom looking Yunho. I saw a panicked yeosang and a weeping Jongho. “woo you should go in...talk to him,” said the croaky voice of hongjoong.
I nodded and went in. There San laid with all sorts of machines and needles stuck into different areas of his arms. I reached a shaky hand to his pale yet warm ones. I rubbed small circles into his hand. The slow beeping of his heart monitor being the only noise in the cold room.
I felt a faint twitch in his hand,barely there,his face shifted and a smile was painted across,his eyes creasing into half moon crescents with his dimples poking through. Beautiful. San is so beautiful.
Slowly,so slowly almost unnoticeable, the heart monitor began to form a straight line and all of a sudden the room became filled with the loud sound of a solid beep. His once warm hands falling limp and cold against my palms. “oh sannie it wasn’t supposed to be like this,you didn’t deserve it. it was never your fault...you’re not porcelain,” I sobbed out as doctors pried me away from him. There I stood in the arms of Mingi with tears streaming down my face as the doctors covered his body with a white sheet.
Gone he was. But even as San was taken away wooyoung thought he looked beautiful because after all san has always been beautiful the world just couldn't see it.