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The Mighty Nein had retired to the tower for the evening. Despite having returned to the outpost, it was decided that it was probably safest to stay in the tower with Trent Ikithon’s whereabouts still unknown, though it was also partially due to the fact that they all were craving some of the simple comforts the tower could offer.
After supper, the Nein had gone their separate ways for the evening. After a bath to soak his aching body (Essek was finding that he was not yet conditioned properly for long days of adventuring), Essek cast a quick prestidigitation on his clothes before donning them once more and heading down to the library. No one else was out and about it seemed. It was quiet in the tower tonight and he felt more relaxed than he had since the start of their journey as he began the familiar task of choosing a book to enjoy for an evening. He selected a volume on the theories and principles of transmutation, having become more interested in its possibilities since travelling alongside Caleb.
He sat on the comfortable couch near the fire and began reading, impressed once again by Caleb’s incomparable memory that was supplying his evening's reading. He briefly thought back to their first evening in the tower when Caleb had shared that he was still very much attracted to ability and to skill and to power. Essek had understood immediately, being very much the same. As he looked around at this tower, in this quiet moment with himself, he felt he couldn’t deny his attraction to Caleb and all that he could do. His skills and abilities were beyond that which he had first thought upon their meeting and every day alongside Caleb only made Essek more impressed.
He had made a promise with himself when he first recognized his feelings that he would not take action on them. He valued Caleb’s friendship and relationship as peer too much to risk ruining it with surprise declarations of loving sentiments. He had nothing to gain from sharing such things unless and until Caleb was offering to do the same. He had already forced so many secrets upon the mighty nein, this was one that he felt he could keep.
Still, he found he was having difficulty focussing on the book in front of him, despite his interest in the subject. He would read about a principle and then consider how he’d seen it applied in one of Caleb’s spells and then he would become awfully distracted just remembering the fire in his eyes and the powerful stances Caleb took when he’d cast said spells. He thought about how Caleb while spellcasting was always a stark contrast to his usual posture of hoping to shrink out of existence, how he took up space and demanded that the world bow to his will. He thought of the toned lines in his arms that had been acquired over his time adventuring and wondered what it would be like to be held in those arms or to be held period. It had been decades since Essek had been held by anyone, not that he had particularly minded, he had been focussed on his work and no one had particularly piqued his interest in such a way until now.
Essek sighed and closed the book on his lap, considering if maybe he should review his notes on his latest project instead. It seemed focussing on reading was hopeless and his own research would always prove to be engrossing.
“Anything the matter Herr Thelyss” Caleb’s voice came from behind him. Essek felt he must be losing his touch if Caleb could sneak up on him so entirely. Yet another reason his foolish admiration for Caleb would have to be set to the side; far too distracting.
“Quite the opposite” Essek replied, “simply coming to terms with the fact that I will not be learning the entirety of the school of transmutation over the course of one evening.”
“Ah a tragedy all wizards understand well” Caleb replied. “Was there something in particular that you had been interested in?”
“I’ve just found myself enlightened as we travel together regarding some of the possibilities and uses that transmutation magic has to offer. It is not a school of magic I had put a large amount of thought into previously but I have been rather impressed with its many uses as of late.” Caleb’s eyes sparkled in a way they only seemed to when he was able to discuss magic with someone who could understand and he offered quickly:
“I could teach you some if you wish.” This was far beyond Essek’s expectations for the evening but he had to admit that he was deeply intrigued.
“That would be-Yes I would very much enjoy that.”
“Ja? Good. So you will first need to understand the basic principles” Caleb said, coming to sit next to Essek quickly and grabbing the book out of his hands, turning it to a page that would support his explanation. Essek enjoyed his warm presence beside him. The small physical contact as knee brushed against knee and arm against arm. It felt pleasant in a familiar and comfortable way, as if they had done this a hundred times before.
Caleb went through the basic principles with Essek in rapid succession, enjoying teaching someone who could keep up with him and immediately understand what he was trying to explain. It was something he appreciated about Essek, how the two of them almost spoke their own language, fluent in one another’s ways of thinking. Soon Essek was ready to try a spell.
“What would you like to use this magic for primarily?” Caleb inquired.
“I wish for something that has many applications. Something I could employ in the battlefield perhaps but that could also be helpful in more general obstacles that we face.” Caleb thought for a moment and decided, pulling out a small caterpillar cocoon.
“This spell- polymorph it is called- is very useful in a variety of ways. It allows you to become a different creature for its duration. I believe you saw me use this as I became an Ape during a battle of ours. It has many functions. You could use it to boost your health as you will take on the full health of the creature you select, it can be useful overcoming barriers as you could select a creature that burrows or flies -Jester and I used that one quite often as we traversed Eiselcross- and you can also cast it on another creature to make it less of a danger to you, as you saw me do with the giant who became a sloth.”
“Yes, this spell is very versatile. Are you certain you are willing to share this knowledge with me? I would understand if you…” Essek trailed off hoping that Caleb would quickly dismiss his concern which he did.
“You taught me your own spells Herr Thelyss, it is only fair trade. Now here are the basic movements” Caleb began the in-depth discussion and Essek paid close attention. When Essek was close to ready to try the spell a thought occurred to him.
“ If you acquire the health and other abilities of the creature you become, is it also true that your intelligence and other mental faculties become that of the creatures as well? I recall that you were uh-” he thought of a tactful way to say this “not exactly yourself as the ape.” Caleb blushed slightly, recalling the way he had held Essek in front of their Clerics as his worry overcame him. He blushed further still knowing that apes were not as stupid as he had played off, but it was one of the few ways he would allow himself to show blatant concern and affection for some of his friends. Caleb always found such things easier when he was not himself.
“You are correct. You retain a degree of your own personality and you retain sight of any goals, who your friends and who your enemies are but your abilities to think through consequences, to think really at all can become somewhat limited depending on the creature you select. “ Essek nodded for a moment at this.
“I imagine it must be a relief at times.” He said quietly, taking Caleb aback with his insight. “I know that I value my intelligence very highly but there are times where I must admit that I wish I were not so clever, not always thinking things through as thoroughly, not having thoughts spinning around in my mind. I imagine certain things would be easier with limited intelligence.” Caleb nodded slowly in agreement.
“As always Essek, we seem to find each other on the same page. I must confess that I do sometimes find comfort in another form. A brief reprieve from the burdens I carry.”
“That makes this spell all the more enticing,” Essek said with a small smile that carried the weight of all that he had done. Caleb smiled back with a smile that hung just as heavy.
“Well let us move on so that you may try it.” And he pulled out his spellbook allowing Essek to copy it down in depth. Caleb lent Essek a cocoon as it was not a component Essek had ever prepared and instructed him to focus on the creature he wished to turn into.
“Here we go,” Essek said with a twitch of anxiety in his voice that surprised Caleb, though when he thought about it he considered that Essek had likely not been a student in many years and was not used to the potential to fail at something in front of another person. Just before he began a thought occurred to Essek.
“May I ask something?” Essek inquired quickly. “Would you remain as you are during my first attempt? That way at least one of us has full use of their faculties? I confess I am slightly nervous to give up my abilities this first time.”
“Of course mein freund. A wise consideration.”
“Thank you,” Essek responded gratefully and then he began the spell. As with everything Essek did, there was a slight flare of his own to the spell. He crushed the cocoon and for a moment the space around him seemed to bend and twist, projecting a distorted image of the shelves behind him, causing him to disappear entirely as if being sheathed in the light and space that surrounded him and when things around him returned to normal there was a small purple and white cat sitting where he had been.
Caleb smiled and clapped his hands together joyously, pleased to see that the spell had worked. The feline Essek seemed to inspect himself, with a serious expression that seemed somewhat out of place and definitely adorable on a cat. Essek stretched and twisted his new body to feel it out and then came over to Caleb and wove his way between his legs before putting a small, very serious paw on Caleb’s boot, making a slight “meow” and bowing his head.
Caleb, who had a soft spot for cats in a normal situation, couldn’t keep the massive smile off of his face at the adorable image and crouched down to pet Essek’s head.
“You are very welcome Schatz.” Caleb said, surprising himself with the term of endearment. But Ah, after all, Essek was a cat and all cats were treasures were they not? Caleb explained to himself.
Essek began purring and rubbing his face along Caleb’s hand and arm, lifting his chin to allow Caleb to gently scratch there. It was an intimate trust that surprised Caleb. Essek for his part was simply enjoying the sensation of receiving open affection. He was, for once, not thinking through every tiny action, simply living in this moment of a simple pleasure. Caleb pulled his hand back and Essek let out a disappointed chirp.
“You should enjoy this time and explore mein freund. Go see the others as well!” Caleb explained and summoned Frumpkin next to Essek. “Show him around and keep him safe alright?” Caleb said seriously to Frumpkin “this is a very important job okay?” Frumpkin just responded with a quick meow of acquiescence and turned and led the purple and white cat toward a small cat door.
Essek hesitated a moment thinking he might wish to stay and receive further pets but curiosity got the best of him and he soon followed Frumpkin.
He was glad he had, traversing the ramp system was more enjoyable than he had expected. He passed many other fey cats, explored the kitchens and was having an absolutely splendid time seeing all of the hidden workings of the tower. Frumpkin started to lead them upwards and they popped out in a bedroom that seemed to be Yasha’s.She was quietly flipping through that book of hers. In a normal situation Essek would have backed away quickly, feeling as if had intruded on a private moment, but instead, wanting to see what was in her book, he unabashedly hopped onto her bed.
Yasha looked hard at the cat for a moment, knowing this was not typical of one of Caleb’s servant cats but unable to discern the difference. He sat and cocked his head at her with a quizzical “mrow” and the seriousness of his expression made her recognize the drow in cat form, finally noticing his purple colouring to be odd.
“Essek, is that you?” She asked. He replied with a quick chirp to the affirmative before crawling into her lap to peer into her book. Before he could get a good look however Yasha had scooped him up in one of her large hands. His ears pressed back in surprise he let out a long wailing sound but Yasha ignored him and held him at face height, inspecting him.
“You are such a handsome cat.” she said nuzzling his face with her own. Essek warmed at this and let out a small purr but still struggled out her grasp. Once she dropped him on her lap, on his own terms, he crawled up her chest, feet firmly planted, and nuzzled her face in response. She laughed and smiled and exclaimed:“I think I like you better this way.”
From near the cat door, Frumpkin made a noise that was the cat equivalent of an “ahem” and Essek was reminded that there was more to see and more people to visit so, fully impulsive, he ran towards the door.
“Goodbye cat Essek!” Yasha called after him.
Next, they came to Fjord’s room but he was not there and so they moved onto Jester’s. They discovered Fjord with his head in Jester’s lap talking up at her about the day. She was playing with his hair. A little bit of Essek’s selfishness came through as he thought he would quite like to take Fjord’s place on Jester’s lap and be subjected to her free and loving attentions so he ran over and stood over Fjord’s face.
Fjord sputtered in surprise at suddenly being covered in fur and sat up throwing Essek off slightly to the side. He gave Fjord a perturbed look just as Jester exclaimed:
“ESSEK! FJORD LOOK! ITS CAT ESSEK!” and she scooped him up immediately, cradling him like a baby. Essek was perturbed that no one seemed to ask permission before picking him up but he enjoyed the sensation of being cradled enough to allow it to slide.
“Essek?!” Fjord said in genuine surprise. “Essek doesn’t know polymorph.” Fjord explained.
“No, but Caleb does.” Jester said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Look at him he’s purple and white. Of course, it’s Essek.” She said smushing her face down to rub against his.
“Essek would never allow you to hold him like that.” Fjord protested and Essek shot him the closest thing to a withering look and eye roll that he could muster as a cat. Clearly, Fjord had become too used to Jester’s attentions to conceive of someone who may not be able to acquire affection so easily from others. Upon seeing Essek’s glare Fjord changed his mind.
“Nope definitely Essek.”
“And he’s SO CUTE!” Jester gleefully proclaimed.
“It’s a bit odd,” Fjord said putting the pieces together “that he stepped on my head to get your attention isn’t it Jester? I wonder why he would do such a thing… perhaps Essek isn’t the cold and distant wizard he wants us all to believe he is-” At this Essek decided it was his time to leave. He may not have been the most intelligent in his current state but he still felt slightly embarrassed and thus scurried out of Jesters' arms and ran out of the room with Frumpkin in tow.
“Nice going Fjord. You embarrassed him!” Jester could be heard saying as they left.
Next they came to Beau’s room and she did not have much to say other than:
“That’s weird man. I don’t know why it’s weirder for you to do it than Caleb and Jess, but it is. It’s weird man.”
They came to Caduceus next who very seriously got down to his level and examined him before determining: “That’s great. That’s just… That’s great” and when Essek rubbed up against his hand he pet him gently and said:
“You’re probably not used to getting much affection huh?” Essek pulled back and looked up at Caduceus feeling as if he had been found out. “It’s okay,” Caduceus told him, still gently stroking the fur on his back “Caleb does this too. Sometimes it’s easier to express our needs and wants when we don’t have as much fear of the consequences” Caduceus said wisely. “I know you probably didn’t get much of this growing up but I want you to know it’s okay to ask for what you need. We’re your friends. We want to help.” Essek looked down at the floor. “I know, it’s not always that easy.” Caduceus said, “but we’ll be here when you’re ready to talk.” Essek felt very moved by Caduceus' words and hoped he would remember them to think on again when he was smarter. He gave Caduceus a grateful nudge and turned to leave, looking back over his shoulder at the firbolg who was still smiling kindly at him before leaving.
They came to Veth’s room and Essek decided to avoid going in, knowing that Veth still had little to love for him, though his keen senses did smell an odd sulfurous odor coming from her room. He wondered what crazy experiment she was playing with now.
Finally, they arrived in Caleb’s room. Caleb was sitting on a simple couch by the fire, taking notes of some ideas that had occurred to him as a result of their discussion. Essek made a slight “Meow” to get Caleb’s attention as he hopped onto the couch.
“Back so soon?” Caleb enquired “you make quick work of the tower!” he said knowing it to have only been 33 minutes since casting the spell. Essek’s small cat head nodded. “And what are your thoughts on the spell thus far?” Caleb asked. Essek began to respond with some quick observations before realizing that he was simply yowling at Caleb in an odd matter-of-fact tone. Caleb’s eyes were full of laughter though he was nodding along seriously.
Essek grumpily turned away from him sniffing at the air, realizing he was being laughed at.
“Apologies freund but in my defence, it was very funny” Caleb replied and Essek glanced over his shoulder before pointedly continuing to face away.
“It is the one great failing of the spell” Caleb went on, “the inability to communicate. I am working on developing a series of gestures that would work for any bipedal or quadrupedal creature to allow us to communicate at least a few important phrases while transformed but I keep coming up against the fact that we are so often flying. Oh well! I am certain we will figure it out in time.” Essek had turned around to face him and appeared to be listening to studiously.
Caleb was right but Essek also felt that in some ways he had been better at communicating with in the past half an hour than he ever had been with his large vocabulary at his disposal. Unable to overthink things, he went over to Caleb’s lap and walked his front legs up Caleb’s body so that they were eye to eye. This silenced Caleb who was surprised by such a familiar gesture from Essek.
“Perhaps you’re right. You still seem to get your point across fine.” He mused. Paws pressing into either shoulder, Essek’s eyes bore into him trying to express deep meaning. Then Essek rubbed his face along Caleb’s and purred loudly and then he leaned back again to look at him once more.
Caleb thought he understood what Essek was trying to say. He knew first hand how much easier it could be to show one’s true feelings when polymorphed and was somewhat hopeful at this gesture. He had known there was a spark between him and Essek for some time, a chemistry, but Caleb had not put more stock into it than that. At times he had found himself feeling a deep affection and caring for Essek that had defied all logic but assuming that Essek had not felt similarly, had been content to keep that to himself. Staring into the expectant purple feline eyes before him he felt he had been mistaken.
“Ja. I care for you as well Schatz” he said using the term intentionally this time, petting him affectionately. Essek seemed satisfied and pleased with this response and lowered himself. Caleb pet him while saying softly
“We have a long road ahead of us, but not an impossible one.” and Essek purred loudly against his hand. He then laid on the couch next to Caleb, curling into a soft purple and white ball against Caleb’s legs finding himself suddenly exhausted from the exhilaration of the past few hours, and more content than he had been in a long time. Essek had not felt he was missing much, living so long without kindness and affection in his life. Not until he met the mighty nein, that is. And now, curled up comfortably on the couch after an evening being showered with both, he felt extraordinarily grateful for his group of friends and more relaxed and happy than he could recall. In the warmth of the fire and the warmth of Caleb’s body beside him he slowly fell asleep, something Essek had never had the opportunity to do before.
Caleb continued to softly stroke his small, feline head while contemplatively staring into the fire. Eventually the spell wore off, Caleb watched as the cat next to him quickly grew to take up the entirety of the couch, feline features, elongating and shrinking in places as Essek became humanoid once more, still curled up lying on the sofa next to Caleb and in a deep trance. Caleb paused only for a brief moment before continuing to stroke Essek’s hair gently, finding the soft hairs of his undercut to be a pleasant sensation. Essek looked younger in his trance, less burdened and he was reminded that he was still quite young for a drow. As he stroked Essek’s hair a second time, the drow stirred slightly and smiled softly. Seeming to enjoy the feeling and recognizing that he wasn’t in danger he quickly fell back into his deep trance.
Caleb looked down at the gentle smile and thought about all of the warmth that spread through him every time he could pull a genuine smile - not his simpering politicalone- out of the usually stoic drow. He realized that he didn’t know what he wanted with Essek, still trying to reconcile his feelings on what had happened and his mistrust of powerful wizards in general with the odd gravitational pull he felt from Essek Thelyss whenever they spent time in one another’s company. He came to the decision that he didn’t need to know at this moment. He could just enjoy this gentle reprieve as it was and ask questions later.
Eventually, Caleb fell asleep like that, sitting up on the couch, enjoying the quiet repetitive motion of softly brushing Essek’s hair through his fingers.
Essek, only requiring four hours himsel, awoke to Caleb softly snoring and leaning back against the couch. He immediately remembered all that had come to pass over the course of the night and felt a twinge of anxiety. He reproached himself for a time, laying there in front of the fire until his mind stuck upon a phrase “Ja. I care for you as well Schatz.” he hoped he had remembered correctly. His mind then wandered to Caduceus’ statement and he thought long and hard on whether or not it could ever be that easy, asking to be cared for in that way.
Suddenly Caleb shuffled in his sleep, seeming uncomfortable in his position. Essek found himself distracted by this and forgot for a moment to worry as he sat up gently. Very softly, he guided Caleb to a lying down position across the couch, hardly rousing him at all. He was about to leave him in peace to sleep when he noticed Caleb’s face crinkle as his hand felt around across the couch. He wondered what he was searching for.
“Essek?” Caleb said, just barely awake.
“I’m here,” Essek said softly.
“Don’t go” Caleb said with childish grumpiness to his tone that was endearing.
“Okay,” Essek said gently, taking a seat near Caleb’s head, careful not to jostle him.
Once Caleb’s reaching hand found his lap it withdrew and he curled up seemingly satisfied. Caleb immediately began snoring once more. For just a moment Essek looked down at his copper hair spilling across his face before deciding to move it out the way gently. He soon fell into the same pattern of stroking Caleb’s hair quietly as he slept. He thought of how sleep and a lack of intelligence seemed to do the same job of removing barriers for them. He wondered how many exhausting days it might take for them to make any real progress with one another.
He pondered if it was possible that Caleb really cared for him and what that would mean. He had no expectations. He felt completely undeserving of such affections and so we would be happy to take things slowly and on Caleb’s terms completely, but as he gently watched over this man who had shown him so much he didn’t know he was missing, for the first time he felt a slight seed of hope in his chest as Caleb sighed and smiled in his sleep.
Caleb awoke in the morning surprised to find his head resting against a lap. For a moment he wondered if they were in the dome and he had dreamt of putting the tower up. Then he felt a hand gently brushing along his hair and understood. He sat up putting a little distance between the two of them, surprised at the turn of events.
“You stayed?” Caleb asked, his genuine shock coming out in his voice.
“You asked me to.” Essek said, confused and somewhat concerned. He had not meant to make Caleb uncomfortable. Caleb thought back through the night and what he had thought was a dream of curling up next to Essek and realized that this must have been the reality.
“Apologies. I am just waking up. Pardon my confusion.” Caleb watched as the tension drained from Essek who had clearly been extremely worried that he had misinterpreted Caleb’s wishes. Seeing that the gentle freedom with which they had engaged one another was vanishing in the light of day, Essek stood and prepared to leave, not wanting to impose. He turned before the door and said cordially, slipping into his usual self-defence habits.
“Thank you for teaching me that spell. It was an uh… enlightening experience.” Caleb nodding, still getting his bearings.
“Uh, you are welcome. I hope you find it useful.” he responded, echoing Essek’s cordial tone. Essek nodded and began to open the door. He remembered and asked:
“Sorry, one quick question for you Widogast.”
“Yes?” Caleb said curiously
“What is the meaning of Schatz in your language? It is not one I have heard”. At this Caleb rubbed his hand across his mouth in the way he did when he was concerned and seemed to turn a little red.
“Treasure.” He replied as calmly and matter of factly as possible. Essek kept his face composed while he nodded that he understood.
“Ah. I see. I thank you” he said, giving a slight bow and exiting the room, that small seed of hope blooming just a little more.