Archive of Our Own ^omega

When Jack gets the call from his agent about the role his initial reaction is a flat-out no. He knows that all the serious, critically-acclaimed but not-all-that-popular historical dramas he’s been doing were just a strategy to rehabilitate his image, but he likes them. He likes doing serious roles that don’t come with all the media attention of big budget, blockbuster films. He’s not inclined to change what he’s been doing, and he tells his agent as much.

“Jack,” she says tiredly, “if you ever want to make it back on track you have to start doing bigger films.”

“Maybe I don’t want to get back on track,” he mutters.

She sighs. 

“Jack, come on. Shitty Knight specifically requested you for this role. You know he and Duan are the next big thing. You should at least read the script.”

That actually makes Jack pause. He didn’t know they were directing.

He met Shitty when he was fourteen, and for three years, right up until Jack’s life fell apart, they acted in a string of movies and were something of a sensation. Jack was actually there the night Shitty decided that stage names were bullshit and that if he couldn’t make it as an actor named “Shitty” then he shouldn’t make it as an actor at all. Over the years he’s told numerous different stories about the origin of the name but none of them have been true. They’d been pretty good friends, but when he overdosed he cut contact with everyone in the acting world, Shitty included. Jack had kept up with his career though. He knew Shitty made the transition into directing and had formed a partnership with Larissa Duan. Their last two films had garnered lots of critical acclaim. And Jack knows Duan’s work too. To put it simply, her work is always of the highest quality.

Jack is wary of the idea of starring in a big film with well-known directors. It’s been eight years, but he still doesn’t know if he’s ready to do this kind of acting again. He feels guilty about the way he dropped all contact with Shitty though. It’s not like Shitty was responsible for his overdose. And honestly? Jack misses him sometimes. He also knows that with him and Duan directing it will at least be a good movie.

In the end it’s enough to make him say, “Fine, send over the script.”

His agent is thrilled. Within the minute there’s an email in his inbox with the script attached. Jack rolls his eyes. Is he really that predictable? He supposes that’s a consequence of having had the same agent since he was 5.

Jack reads the script. By page 10 it’s obvious why Shitty wants him in the role. His part is that of a hockey player who was supposed to be an NHL star like his father but overdoses and ends up at a college in Massachusetts trying to find redemption. It’s alarmingly close to how his own life might have turned out if he’d followed in his father’s footsteps instead. He keeps reading and before he even hits the halfway point he already knows he’s going to accept the role. Despite all his hesitations the script is good. It’s somehow gritty and real without being overplayed. It’s compelling in a way that makes Jack want to get to work. He’s intrigued by the other characters too. Especially the secondary lead, a hockey player from Georgia who ends up in Massachusetts, running from the trauma of his past and trying to navigate college hockey and coming to terms with his own sexuality.

It’s not until he’s halfway through the script that he realizes this isn’t just a coming of age story it’s a queer story too. The secondary lead is the love interest. 

Jack pauses. 

Shitty doesn’t know. Shitty couldn’t know. 

Could he?

Jack’s been aware of his sexuality for a long time, but it’s not something he’s ever talked about. There are, at most, four people in the entire world who know. He likes girls too so there was never any reason to talk about it, never any reason to add it to the list of things he couldn’t quite do right. And yes, he’s an actor, it’s not that big of a deal. But between his famous parents and his anxiety and all the pressure to be as good as his mother it was just something better kept to himself. He tries to think back to his teenage years. Did he ever say anything that would have made Shitty guess? He doesn’t think so, but there’s also a lot of those years that he barely remembers between the alcohol and the panic attacks and the overmedication.

Eventually he decides that it doesn’t matter. He already knows he’s going to take the role. He can finish the script later. So he picks up his phone and dials his agent’s number. 

“I’m in.”

Jack meets Shitty and Larissa “call me Lardo” Duan to talk about the movie a few weeks later. Shitty greets him with a giant hug.

“It’s so good to see you again brah,” he says into Jack’s shoulder.

Jack hugs him back. It is good to see him again.

“I, uh. I’m sorry for cutting contact after…” he trails off, uncertain how to explain everything that happened. That Shitty was a good friend, but he was so afraid back then of dragging anyone else down with him. Before he can try and explain, Shitty is shaking his head.

“No way man. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m just happy that we get to work together again.”

“Yeah,” Jack says, smiling hesitantly as Shitty releases him. “Me too.” 

“FUCK YEAH DUDE!” Shitty shouts and pulls Jack right back into another hug. It’s so familiar that it makes his heart clench in his chest. He hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed Shitty until now.

Shitty finally lets him go and Lardo walks up to Jack.

“He’s always been like this hasn’t he?” Lardo asks with an amusedly fond smile.

Jack nods.

They sit down and talk a little more about their vision for the movie. Jack listens intently. He’s never met Lardo before, but he’s seen most of her movies. There’s a sort of complex intensity about all of them that pulls you in and never quite lets you go. Even some of her artsier, earlier work that Jack didn’t understand left him with lingering emotions.  

Lardo speaks with that same sort of quiet intensity. It makes the contrast between her and Shitty, with his boundless enthusiasm, a little bit funny to watch. They don’t seem like they should work so well together, but they do. The picture they paint of the movie is so intentional that Jack can almost see it in his head already.

“Now let’s talk about who else is working on this movie,” Lardo says once they’ve laid out the story they want to tell. “The main role of Cameron is of course going to be played by you. Your love interest Liam will be played by Eric Bittle. The other important actors are Cameron’s friends on the team who will be played by Adam Birkholtz, Justin Oluransi, Derek Nurse, Chris Chow, and William Poindexter. And the team manager is going to be played by Denice Ford.”

Jack raises his eyebrows at the last name. Denice Ford won an Oscar last year. He has faith in Lardo’s movie, but he’s a little surprised Ford signed on for a supporting role like this. He’s seen a couple of Birkholtz and Oluransi’s movies. They’re honestly all the same movie just with different sets, but they’re funny enough. Their characters are partially comic relief in this film though so the casting makes sense. He’s seen a couple of Nurse’s movies and has heard of Chow and Poindexter before. He thinks all three of them may have worked on a movie before. In all, there are more big names than Jack was expecting, and they’re all names he knows.

Except for one.

“Who’s Eric Bittle?” he asks.

“Brah, you’ve never heard of Eric Bittle?” Shitty asks incredulously. “He has like 4 million Twitter followers!”

“I don’t have Twitter.”

Technically he does, but he usually leaves that to social media teams. He’d scrolled through Twitter exactly once, gotten horribly confused, and deleted the app off his phone.

“Jack, you never change. I love that.” Shitty inexplicably leans over the table to kiss Jack on the forehead. 

“He’s a social media star who’s just starting to break into acting,” Lardo says, ignoring Shitty’s antics entirely.

“So he’s an influencer?” It comes out a little more disdainful than Jack intended but-- 

Really? An influencer turned actor?  

Maybe this film isn’t going to be good after all.

“Don’t give me that Zimmermann,” Lardo says warningly. “You need to trust us on this one. He’s the right person for the role.”

Jack keeps his mouth shut. He’s not in charge of casting. That doesn’t stop him from having private opinions about the decisions being made. 

When he gets home, he opens up his almost entirely neglected Twitter and searches for Eric Bittle. Sure enough he pops up before he’s even typed his full name. 4.2 million followers. As Jack scrolls through his Twitter his heart sinks-- this movie is going to be a disaster. The film only works if the person who plays Liam has depth and intensity. All of Bittle’s tweets are sponsorships, charmingly empty anecdotes, pictures of pie, promotional tweets for the two Netflix romantic comedies he starred in, and some admittedly impressive figure skating videos. Jack supposes that yes, Bittle is gay, he is Southern, and he can skate. A few basic similarities between actor and character is not nearly enough. 

He spitefully pulls up Netflix and turns on one of Bittle’s romantic comedies to prove himself right. It is, as expected, exactly the same type of shallow acting that pretty people in Netflix original movies do. He feels vindicated that Bittle is exactly the type of actor he was expecting him to be, but at the same time he’s a little let down. 

Jack understands that Bittle is the type of person who is good for the box office. He has millions of fans who will go see a movie just because he’s in it. He’d expected more from Shitty and Lardo though. He has no idea what they see in him that makes them think he’s a good fit. It’s a shame, he thinks a little bitterly, that he’s already committed. There’s no way this movie will be the success he thought it would be.  

Jack shows up to set early the first day like he always does, intent on settling in before anyone else gets there. 

That plan fails almost immediately.

“Oh, hello!” a Southern drawl says from behind him. “You must be Jack Zimmermann!”

He turns around slowly to see Eric Bittle walking towards him, a dish in one hand, a handshake offered by the other. He’s shorter than Jack expected. 

He shakes his hand. “Good to meet you.”

Jack intends to walk away, but apparently Bittle takes his gruff greeting as an invitation to chat. He starts rambling about how he's nervous to meet everyone and how he’s excited that this is his first movie where he can actually do good acting (which is hilarious). Then he mentions that he brought mini pies because “It would be so rude to show up empty handed right?” and “Oh, let me give you a piece to try!” 

Jack pushes the proffered mini pie back towards Bittle. “I don’t eat sweets.” 

Bittle frowns. “One little pie isn’t gonna kill you.” 

“I don’t eat sweets,” Jack repeats, trying to find a way out of this conversation. 

Bittle huffs. “No need to be rude about it,” he mutters under his breath. 

Jack decides to ignore the comment and start walking towards his trailer. “I’ll see you at the table read, don’t be late.” 

He might have to work with him but that doesn’t mean they have to be friends. Who brings a pie to set anyways?

Fortunately, his introduction to the rest of the cast goes significantly better. Justin and Adam are both as huge in person as they seem on screen and they insist that Jack call them Ransom and Holster. They sound like hockey names and it turns out they are. Both of them played hockey. Holster apparently did a year in Juniors until he got injured and Ransom played through college. Jack also appreciates that Ransom is Canadian, although he is regrettably a Leafs fan. (Still better than Holster the Sabres fan). 

Derek, Chris, and Will arrive together, and Jack assumes that what he’s heard about their public friendship must be true. Except that Derek and Will seem to bicker nonstop. Jack honestly can’t tell if they hate each other or not. 

He meets Denice last, and he likes her right away. She’s friendly and warm, and it’s obvious that she takes her craft seriously. Just from their brief conversation, it’s clear to Jack how she won an Oscar at 23.

And then...there’s Bittle. Everyone else loves him immediately. It drives Jack crazy that some social media star who’s only famous because he’s conventionally attractive and popular on Twitter can get a big role in a film and make serious actors buy into it. Everyone compliments his pie and seems to think he’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to them. It’s infuriating. This influencer is going to ruin their movie and no one seems to care. Some of what he’s thinking must be evident. Bittle glances over and the smile that seems to be permanently plastered on his face falls a little. Jack tries to school his expression into something a little less mean. He may not like Bittle, but they still have to work together.

Working together might be something of a problem.

They start the shoot with a few group scenes where most of them are together and it seems to go pretty well. There’s a bit of an adjustment period as there is with any cast, trying to find how you best work together, but it’s not too bad. The problems only start when he and Bittle start shooting their solo scenes together.

They’re the core of this movie and things between them just aren’t working. Their characters are supposed to be forming a tentative friendship that strengthens and eventually turns into something more. Jack can only do so much to act like he’s friends with Bittle if Bittle can’t pull his own weight. It becomes clear a few days into shooting that Bittle lacks experience. He keeps forgetting lines or missing his mark. Jack is frustrated. This movie has to go well and if Bittle can’t get it together it’s not going to.

By the end of the day he’s exhausted. They’re trying to shoot the scene where someone from Jack’s past comes back and taunts him about his failures. It’s hitting just a little too close to home and putting Jack on edge to begin with. Bittle keeps forgetting his line and Jack finally snaps.

“This isn’t a joke!” he shouts stepping towards Bittle. “I know you’re not a real actor, but you need to get it together .” 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Bittle retorts. 

Jack is about to respond when Lardo is suddenly standing between them. 

“That is enough Zimmermann.” 

Jack steps back a little, not realizing he’d gotten so far into Bittle’s space. He can feel the back of his neck flush with embarrassment. He’s supposed to be the professional here. Yelling at your co-star is not.

“We’re done for today,” Lardo says, leveling him with a look. “I expect better from you tomorrow.”

Jack lets out a slow, controlled breath, and nods. He can’t let Bittle’s mistakes ruin this for him.

The next day, Jack gets a knock on his trailer door an hour before he’s due on set. They’re filming some individual scenes today before finishing up what they didn’t get done last night. They’ll be going overtime to make up for yesterday.

He opens the door and isn’t that surprised to see Shitty standing outside. He’d been expecting a talk from him after his outburst yesterday. What he’s not expecting is for him to say, “Come with me Jack, there’s something I think you need to see.”

He follows Shitty warily and is a little confused when they wind up at the set where Bittle is shooting a solo scene.

“What are we doing here?” he asks.

“Brah, just watch.”

So he does.

The scene is of Liam sitting in his dorm room, monologuing. He watches as Bittle goes through the scene, the lines telling the story of why Liam ended up at Samwell. How he started playing hockey as a way to stop getting bullied at school. How hockey became his ticket out of small-town Georgia. How hockey was his ticket out, but might also be the thing that keeps him from being out.

As the scene goes on Bittle’s voice gets tighter and tighter and he closes in on himself looking smaller and smaller. He delivers the last line of the scene with silent tears streaming down his face. Jack’s heart clenches in his chest. He can feel everything Bittle is trying to convey and—

Shit.

He’s good.

He’s really good.

He glances at Shitty who gives him a look that says told you so . Jack grimaces. He needs to apologize. He says as much to Shitty when they call cut and Shitty punches his arm.

“Yeah you do.” He pauses. “Listen Jack. I know that this movie is important to you. I know how seriously you take your job. But this movie is important to all of us. Do you really think Lardo and I would have picked him if he wasn’t right for the role?” 

Jack sighs. No, he doesn’t, he just-- didn’t want to acknowledge that he might have been wrong. 

“No. I trust you. I’ll apologize to him.” 

Shitty grins and pulls him into a hug. “That’s growth, Jackie boy!”

Jack relaxes a little bit into Shitty’s hug. He probably could stand to loosen up a little bit.

He finds Bittle during a break, intent on apologizing before they shoot together again. He’s always wanted this movie to be something good and now that he knows Bittle has what it takes, he needs to make sure they can actually work together. He knocks on the door to his trailer and waits. When Bittle opens the door, he gives Jack a recriminating look.

“I’m not sure if I want to talk to you right now.”

That’s fair.

“You don’t have to talk, but I should apologize.”

His eyebrows go up in cautious surprise and he gestures Jack inside.

“Pie?” he asks once Jack is sitting.

Jack hesitates. He really doesn’t eat sweets, but this apology might go better if he accepts. “Euh. Sure.”

He waits while Bitty produces two perfectly formed mini pies out of nowhere and then sits down. 

He opens his mouth to say something and suddenly realizes that he never actually bothered to think about what he was going to say. Shit.  He’s so bad at apologies. 

“Uh. So. I was too harsh last night and I said some things I didn’t mean. I saw the scene you shot today. It was good and you are a real actor.”

Bittle huffs out a breath. “I know you think I‘m just some airhead influencer. A lot of people do. But I wouldn’t have gotten cast by serious directors if I couldn’t act.” He laughs wryly. “Although the scene you saw today was maybe a little bit less acting than I would like it to be.” 

Jack frowns, a little confused. 

“Some of the things about growing up gay in small town Georgia weren’t all that different from my life growing up,” Bitty elaborates. “I just got famous online and moved to LA instead of taking up hockey and moving to Massachusetts.” 

Huh. Maybe Jack wasn’t the only one who was typecast. 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” 

Bittle waves it off and plasters a smile on his face. “It was a long time ago and now it just means I have relevant experience to draw on for this role!”

Jack frowns. Bittle is 22. It couldn’t have been that long ago. It seems like Bittle doesn’t want to talk about it though, so he lets it go. “Yeah uh, relevant experience always helps a lot.” 

Bittle cocks his head to one side in question. “Does that mean you have relevant experience for your role?”

He shrugs. “Um, sort of. I mean. Euh. You probably know my history.” 

Bittle looks confused. “No, actually I don’t. Should I?” 

Huh . The combination of two famous parents, and the drama of his overdose resulted in a lot of media coverage. Most people he’s met are at least vaguely aware of his past. It’s actually nice to meet someone who hasn’t heard the story from various partially false news stories. 

“No, just most people do. I euh,” he pauses and breathes. It’s been eight years, and it’s still hard to talk about, but for some reason he feels like he owes Bittle at least the short version of the story. Maybe to try and give him a little bit of context for the reason that this movie is so important. 

“My mom is Alicia Zimmermann.” Bittle’s eyebrows go up in recognition. So he at least knows who she is. “And my dad is Bad Bob Zimmermann. He’s a famous hockey player, won a lot of awards. Most people expected me to follow in his footsteps, but I followed in my mom’s instead. I was pretty famous in my own right by the time I was a teenager. But euh.” He’s been looking out the window while he talks but for the next part he casts his eyes down at his hands.  “Being a child star fucks people up for a reason.” He lets out a bitter laugh. “That plus the pressure to be as successful as my mom plus my anxiety… I ended up overdosing on my anxiety medication when I was 17. If you look it up all the media coverage said it was cocaine, but it wasn’t. I spent six months in rehab and by the time I got out well… no one wants to cast a washed up, cokehead, former child actor.”

He risks a glance up when he finishes talking. Bittle looks sad, maybe a little angry even, but there are no traces of pity. It’s a relief to see. The pity is always the worst part.

“I started doing all these serious historical dramas to reestablish myself. This is the first big film I’ve done since everything.”

“And you were convinced some influencer turned actor was going to ruin your comeback?” 

Pretty much. He shrugs. “It’s no excuse for me being an asshole.” 

Bittle gives him a little smile. “No, it is not. But I can understand the way you acted a little better given the context.”

“I am sorry,” Jack says. The apology is the whole reason he’s even here. “Are we good?”

“Eat that pie and don’t yell at me again. Then we’ll be good.” 

Jack eats the pie. Just like Bittle’s acting, it’s way better than Jack was expecting. He compliments the pie and Bittle grins. 

There’s only 15 minutes before they’re needed on set now so he gets up to leave. He wants to run his lines one more time before that.

“Oh Jack,” Bittle starts as he’s about to open the trailer door. “You should call me Bitty. Literally everyone else does.”

Jack turns away from the door and offers up a fist bump. 

“Nice scene this morning, Bittle.”

Bitty narrows his eyes at the name, but he fist bumps back and is smiling when Jack leaves.

Jack doesn’t know why he’s surprised that shooting scenes with Bitty gets much easier after that. Reshooting the scene from last night goes infinitely better. Bittle seems more confident in the way he acts. Jack wonders a little guiltily, if Bitty was afraid of him and if that threw him off yesterday.

It’s always easier to play friendship and romance with someone you don’t hate. And he really doesn’t hate Bitty. 

Their truce seems to break the ice-- or maybe Jack just starts actually making an effort to connect with his costars. In his defense, a lot of his recent experiences with castmastes have been full of disdainful looks and muttered comments about washed up child stars or whether or not he was only cast because his mother has an Oscar. This cast doesn’t seem to be that way at all. He starts spending time with them off set and is pleasantly surprised when they not only seem to be decent people, but they also seem to like him.  

He’s standing by craft services with Chris one day watching Derek and Will fight.

“So what’s their deal? It seemed like you all were friends?” Jack asks. He’s been trying to figure out the dynamic there since day one and still can’t tell.

Chris lets out a long-suffering sigh. “I’m friends with both of them and we’ve all worked together before, but they don’t like each other.”

“Why not?”

“They auditioned for two of the same roles and Derek beat out Will both times. Will says he doesn’t care but obviously he’s still bitter about it. And Derek thinks Will is too conservative and uptight which—”

He’s cut off by Will shouting.

“Just because I play a homophobic asshole doesn’t mean I am one Nurse! Or do you not know what acting is?”

Derek scoffs. “Maybe I only know what good acting is. Or have you forgotten that I beat you both times?”

Chris rolls his eyes. “It would probably help if Derek would stop bringing it up every time they fight.”

The shouting turns into pushing and Jack’s actually a little bit concerned they’re going to hurt each other.

“Should we… do something?” he asks tentatively.

Chris shakes his head. “Just wait.”

Almost as soon as he says it, Lardo appears and pushes the two of them apart. “STOP IT. You boys are professionals and I expect you to act like it, understood?”  

They both nod before immediately glaring at each other. Lardo sighs as she walks over to where they’re standing. “Ugh. I know they’re both talented actors, but do they always act like children around each other?” She directs the last part at Chris who just sighs again.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Jack, I’m glad you worked your nonsense out with Bitty, I don’t have time to deal with two sets of childish rivalry.” 

Jack mutters an embarrassed apology which makes Lardo grin a little. Now that he’s not convinced that Bitty is a terrible actor who’s going to ruin his career, he can admit that he was being immature in the beginning. It’s fine now though. They’re friends, he thinks. Maybe. They’ve been spending more time together off set at least and it’s honestly nice.

It turns out that the happy, friendly face Bitty always has on really isn’t a façade—he’s genuinely that kind. And it turns out he and Jack have more to talk about than Jack expected. Bitty talks a little bit about his rise to fame, how one video of him figure skating to a Beyonce song went viral and his baking vlog suddenly went from 1000 subscribers to 100,000 almost overnight. He talks about how hard it was for him to adjust to the culture when he moved to LA. He seems genuinely interested when Jack talks about why he loves making historical dramas and he actually listens when he ends up rambling a little bit about the actual history behind some of the movies he’s made.

They’ve gotten close enough that Jack can tell when something is wrong.

They just finished shooting the scene where Liam comes out to his parents, and after a truly stellar take Shitty calls cut.

It’s become something of a habit for Jack to watch Bitty shoot his solo scenes. He partly does it because it helps him stay in the right mindset of the film, to make sure he’s matching the energy Bitty is channeling. He also does it because he genuinely likes watching Bitty work. Jack can tell when he’s putting all of himself into his performances and this scene was definitely one of them. 

He watches as Shitty pulls him into a hug, no doubt complimenting his performance with an unnecessary number of expletives.

“He’s really something huh?” 

Jack startles at the voice and looks to his left to see Lardo watching the two of them on the set. 

Jack nods. “I should have trusted that you knew what you were doing when you cast him.” 

“You should always trust me,” Lardo says with a laugh. It’s definitely true. Everything she does is intentional and intelligent and, while Shitty might be better at working with the actors, they both know that it’s Lardo’s visions that they’re bringing to life. 

“You and Shitty make a great team,” Jack ends up saying. “He never told me how exactly that ended up happening.” 

Lardo smirks. “I’m great in bed.” 

Jack opens and closes his mouth a couple times, completely caught off guard. Lardo just laughs in his face. 

“We hooked up and then ended up talking about our work afterwards. He was hoping to transition into directing and I needed the career boost of working with an already famous actor. Turns out we work really well together and the Duan-Knight directing team was born.” 

“Are you…?” Jack starts before realizing that it’s definitely none of his business. 

Lardo shrugs in response and Jack has no idea what that’s supposed to mean. Whatever they are to each other seems to be working for them. 

They stand there in comfortable silence for a minute before Bitty and Shitty make their way over. Shitty goes over to talk to Lardo about the next scene and Jack offers a fist bump. 

“That was a great take.” 

Bitty offers him a smile but it looks like it takes effort. Actually, now that he’s paying attention, he looks exhausted. Jack knows how it gets sometimes with the harder scenes. How you sometimes get so into it that it’s hard to let go of everything you’re feeling when the director calls cut. It takes a lot out of you. 

He feels like he should say something else, but he doesn’t know what. Before he can come up with anything, he’s being called away to shoot his next scene. He heads off, telling Bittle he’ll see him at dinner.

Bitty never shows up to dinner. Jack gets pulled into a mostly friendly conversation about hockey with Ransom that gets a little heated when Holster tries to suggest that the Sabres are actually good. When they move on to distract Derek and Will from stabbing each other with their forks he gets pulled into a conversation with Denice about the differences between his experiences starting out as a child star versus her start in local musical theatre. It’s not until he’s finished eating that he realizes that Bitty still isn’t there.

“Hey, have you seen Bittle?” he asks Chris on his way out.

“I saw him earlier today, he said he was headed to his trailer to get some rest. I hope he’s ok!”

“I bet he’s just tired, he had some hard scenes today.”

Chris nods in understanding and Jack leaves. He plans to just go back to his own trailer. He needs to run lines one more time before tomorrow. Bitty’s probably just tired. He can’t shake the gut feeling that he should check on him anyways, so he changes course and heads for Bitty’s trailer instead. He knocks on the door. It’s a few moments before Bitty opens it.

He kind of looks terrible. 

“Jack!” he exclaims, plastering on the fakest smile Jack’s ever seen. “What are you doing here?” 

He frowns. “I euh. I just wanted to see if you were ok. I didn’t see you at dinner.” 

“Oh! That’s so sweet. I’m just a li’l tired, that's all.”  Something about the way he says it doesn’t quite sound right.

“Are you sure?” Jack doesn’t know why he’s pressing, but he doesn’t like how fake the smile on Bitty’s face looks. 

Bitty opens his mouth to respond but instead he just sighs quietly and motions Jack inside. He sits down on the couch, a little uncertain of what he’s supposed to be doing. 

“Was it the scene this morning?” he finally asks when Bitty doesn’t say anything. It’s the only thing he can think of that might be making Bitty look this way. 

Bitty lets out a breath. “Yeah.” He’s quiet for a minute and Jack’s a little bit unsettled by the silence. Bittle never seems to have any trouble filling silence. “You remember when I said this role was a little bit less acting that I might’ve liked?”

Jack nods. 

“Well... that scene today just brought up some less than great memories of how I came out to my parents and I guess I just…” he trails off and gets a sort of faraway look in his eyes. Whatever he’s remembering right now can’t be good.   

“What happened with them?” Jack asks before realizing that’s a really personal question. “If you feel comfortable talking about it.” 

Bitty looks away and Jack thinks he’s going to change the topic but after a beat he starts talking. “So, I had a baking vlog that I started when I was 14, that’s how I got my start. I’m not sure if you knew that or not. Anyways, I had an agreement with my parents that they wouldn’t watch my videos. I had less than 1000 followers by the time I was 15 and my parents were the only people in my real life who knew I had a vlog, so it felt safe enough for me to come out. I said I was gay out loud for the first time on that YouTube channel. It was a place for me to talk about the things that I couldn’t talk to anyone else about. I couldn’t be gay in my real life but online I could be. But then I posted a video of me figure skating to Halo and it went viral. Suddenly I had 100,000 subscribers and Buzzfeed wrote an article about the video and my entire fucking town knew I was gay. My parents included.” 

Jack can see him clench his jaw and he’s a little bit afraid to know what happened next. 

“It was fine. Or I guess it wasn’t my worst-case scenario.” 

Jack thinks that “not the worst-case scenario” is probably not the same thing as fine, but he’s well acquainted with downplaying bad experiences, so he keeps his mouth shut. 

“They didn’t kick me out, or disown me or anything, but they weren’t exactly happy about it. I sort of thought they already knew. I mean, all the other kids at school seemed to know before I even did. But I guess denial is one hell of a drug. My mama cried and my daddy wanted to know what they did wrong to make me gay. He was convinced that if he’d made me tougher, made me stick with football instead of letting me start figure skating then I wouldn’t have turned out that way. I suppose figure skating was the reason they found out the way they did. They were both so worried that I was making things harder for myself by being gay as though it was some choice I’d made. As if I hadn’t tried every day since I was 12 to not be that way.” His voice breaks a little and Jack thinks his heart might be breaking a little bit too. “God, I tried so hard not to be gay, but it obviously doesn’t work like that.” 

A heavy silence hangs between them that’s only broken when Bitty sniffs a little. He wipes his eyes and shakes his head like he’s trying to get rid of whatever memories he’s recalling right now. 

“Anyways, it was a hard few years, but by the time I was 18 I had a million followers and enough sponsorship opportunities that I could move to LA. The distance helped a little and so did time. Things between me and my parents are good now.” He offers Jack a fragile half smile. “I guess coming out just wasn’t a great experience and it brought back some not so great memories.”

“I get that,” Jack says quietly. “It’s easier to act when you have real experiences to draw on, but it’s hard when those experiences were some of the worst parts of your life.”

Bitty looks at him consideringly. “I guess you really do get it don’t you?” 

“It’s not the same I know but,” he shrugs, “yeah.” 

Their eyes stay locked for a moment and Jack thinks that Bitty might understand him better than anyone has in a while. He hopes maybe he can give Bitty some sense of understanding too. 

“Euh. Do you want a hug?” The question comes out so awkward sounding and Jack cringes. He’s really the worst person at offering comfort. Thankfully Bitty just smiles, the first real smile he’s seen from him all day. 

“Bring it in, Mr. Zimmermann.”

It’s a surprisingly good hug considering that Bittle is a good 6 inches shorter than him. He fits nicely against Jack’s chest and Jack briefly wonders why they haven’t hugged before. Probably because they weren’t friends before. Right.  

Bitty pulls away and his face looks flushed but he wipes the last of the tears off his face and gives Jack another real smile so he must be ok.

“I should go,” Jack says, “we have an early start tomorrow.” 

He heads for the door but pauses halfway out when Bitty speaks. 

“Hey Jack? Thank you.” 

Jack nods and raps his knuckles against the doorframe. “I’ll see you tomorrow Bittle.”

That night seems to be something of a turning point. Jack finds himself spending less time alone in his trailer and more time around the studio with the rest of the cast. He’s running lines in between sampling pies, (he still doesn’t know where Bitty is getting these pies from) and he’s learning about the differences between hockey and figure skating, and he’s getting a proper education on the discography and cultural significance of Beyonce, and he’s learning how Twitter actually works. Whatever the case, their growing friendship off screen seems to be working wonders for the on-screen relationship development. Jack thinks it’s fortunate that they’ve been able to shoot a lot of this movie in chronological order. That rarely happens, but he’s glad it happened for this movie. The tentative “becoming more than friends” that their characters have going on now probably feels a lot more realistic since he and Bitty are friends in real life. 

Shitty and Lardo seem to agree. They finish shooting the scene where Liam realizes he has a crush and Shitty comes out onto the set after he calls cut. 

“Brahs you both are beautiful,” he crows, pulling him and Bitty under each of his arms. Jack’s not quite sure how he’s managing it when he’s 3 inches shorter than him but Bitty is laughing and Jack feels good about the take they just finished, and Shitty seems pleased with it too so he just lets it happen. 

“That was exactly the energy we were looking for,” Lardo says with a smile when Shitty lets them go. 

She turns to Bitty, “The whole feeling of you’re my best friend and I hate keeping secrets from you but I’m afraid the way I feel is going to ruin everything? Perfect. And Jack,” she turns to him, “you’re nailing the uncertainty your character feels about everything in his life right now.”

With that they’re bustled away so the crew can set up for the next scene. 

“This is going to be good right?” Bitty asks on their way out. “It feels like it’s gonna be good.” 

“It’s gonna be good Bittle, I feel it too.” 

He hasn’t felt this way about a movie in a while. The gut feeling that what they’re making is going to be something authentic—something that will matter.

Bitty isn’t the only one that Jack is getting closer with. As filming continues he ends up getting close with the rest of the cast. He’s not sure if it’s the nature of the movie they’re making, or the culture that Shitty and Lardo are creating. Maybe it’s simply that his castmates are genuinely good people that he likes. Whatever the case, they end up spending a lot of time off set hanging out. 

He learns from Denice why she chose this role, which is something he’d been curious about. 

“I’d been wanting to work with Lardo for years after seeing one of her early works while I was at Julliard,” she says.  “So when my agent heard about the role, she sent me the script right away. I was always involved in theatre growing up, but my two older brothers were both football players, so I’ve always been a pretty big sports fan too. The opportunity to make a sports movie, but with one of my favorite directors, one that I knew was actually going to be good and not just a ‘rah rah, underdogs win’ type movie, was enough to draw me in.” 

Jack nods. It makes sense. “I mostly did this movie because of Shitty. It’s nice when you know that you can trust what the director will make.” 

Denice smiles. “Absolutely. I’ve had some… less than great experiences but I knew that wouldn’t happen here.”

“I’m a little surprised you aren’t immediately gunning for a Best Actress in a Leading Role part though,” Jack admits.

She laughs. “You’re not the only one. But to be honest I needed a bit of a break. I like to stay busy but I've been doing one big role after another so this has been a nice break.” 

Jack doesn’t think he would consider a small role a break, but he’s also pretty sure that her work ethic is part of why she’s been so successful. That and the fact that she’s incredibly talented. 

“Well I’m certainly glad you signed on,” Jack says. They’ve shot a few longer scenes together and she’s so easy to work with. He also appreciates the intentional and serious approach she takes to acting. It’s much more similar to the way he works, than the other actors. 

“I am too. This is honestly one of the best sets I’ve ever been on.”

Jack agrees. He’s certain that their bad experiences happened for different reasons, but that their good experiences on this set are for the same reasons. He feels comfortable here with the cast and crew in a way he hasn’t for a long time. He’s always loved making movies; he’s always loved acting. He’s always felt at home in front of the camera where the only version of himself that is on display is one that isn’t him at all. He’s not used to feeling at home in between takes too.

“Yeah,” he says quietly, “I know what you mean.”

Between the whole cast combined they’ve made a lot of movies. There is no way that all of them have seen each other’s movies. There’s really no expectation of it. However, Bitty makes a rookie mistake in between takes one day.

They finish the last take for a scene, and when Lardo calls cut, Ransom and Holster do some sort of complicated handshake that ends with them shouting what Jack thinks might be a line from one of their movies in unison. He doesn’t know. 

Denice is rolling her eyes so he thinks it must be. Apparently her brothers love Ransom and Holster’s movies so she’s seen them all. 

Bitty is giving them a confused look so he mustn’t get the reference either. 

“Come on Bits!” Holster says, “Out of Office 3?” 

Bittle shakes his head and shrugs a little.

“Oh come on bro, you’ve at least seen Out of Office 1 though right?”

Bitty shakes his head taking a hesitant step back. 

“Out of Office: Gone Fishing?” Ransom asks.

“Uh…” Bitty says, backing away further from the two of them. “Don’t hate me but I actually haven’t seen any of them.” 

“BITS. BRO. I thought we were friends!” 

“That’s our best work!” 

Jack has only seen Out of Office 2. They showed it at a group event while he was in rehab. It was funny enough, but “best work” feels like a stretch. He watches a little amused and Ransom and Holster come tower on either side of Bittle, who looks slightly terrified. 

“Holtzy, my man. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” 

“Movie night?” 

“MOVIE NIGHT!” they both shout in unison.

It’s how Jack finds himself sitting on a couch two days later, Shitty lying across his lap, his head in Lardo’s lap so she can braid his hair and his feet in Bitty’s lap who’s sitting next to Jack. At Ransom and Holster’s insistence they’re all watching Out of Office 1. It’s the first in an action-comedy series where Ransom and Holster play best friends who are consultants at a startup, and find themselves caught up in high stakes plots through a series of misunderstandings every time they go on vacation. 

Objectively speaking, it’s not a high-quality movie and it’s almost exactly the same as Out of Office 2. But it’s funny, and he’s comfortable and content, and Shitty keeps offering his “director’s commentary,” and Bitty keeps leaning into him every time he laughs. At one point Ransom and Holster shout the tagline of the movie in time with the versions of them on screen and Bitty looks up at Jack with an amused smile on his face as if to say can you believe them? For a second Jack’s heart catches in his throat. He is, for the first time in a really long time, genuinely happy. He swallows down the sudden emotions he’s feeling and smiles back. Bitty looks at him a little bit curiously and Jack wonders what he’s seeing on his face. But then he shakes his head a little and turns back to the screen. A couple minutes later when he leans into Jack’s shoulder again, he doesn’t move away. Jack doesn’t know if that’s supposed to mean something, but it’s nice, so he doesn’t worry about it.   

The movie finishes and Lardo teases, “ This  is your best work?”

Ransom turns to Holster. “Should we explain?” 

Holster nods seriously and they move to the front of the room. 

“No offense to the talented people in this room,” Holster says, as though he’s giving some sort of presentation, “but you’re all idiots.”

“See, while you’re all busy making films that are “Oscar-worthy” or “works of art” or “life-changing”, we’re cashing checks simply by hanging out together and ad-libbing jokes,” Ransom adds. 

“Jack I’m sure you’re thinking to yourself ‘you’re a disgrace to the art of acting’,” Holster says with a pointed look. 

Jack flushes a little. A month and a half ago he did kind of think that. It’s a relief that now when Holster says it, it’s a joke. 

“Lardo I’m sure you’re thinking to yourself ‘you both are idiots and I’ve made a terrible mistake.’”

“No,” she says amusedly, “I’m thinking I’ve made a mistake and should have gotten into directing sort-of-terrible action-comedies.” 

“That’s the spirit!” Ransom laughs. “And Bitty bro, I know you’re new at this so listen to us: there is no shame in making the same movie 100 times to cash a check. I mean who here has seen one of his romcoms?” 

Everyone puts up their hand and Bitty’s face turns red. “Oh gosh.” 

Whatever he’s about to say next gets drowned out by more bickering between Will and Derek. 

Jack misses how it starts but Will is loudly scoffing “ of course you like romcoms,” and Derek is rolling his eyes. 

“Dude. You raised your hand too!” 

“I like to know who I’m going to be working with! It was research. ” 

“Oh my god, will you two stop it!” Chris cuts in. 

Jack is distracted from however this fight plays out by a quiet question. 

“You watched one of my movies?” Bitty asks, a little bit bewildered. 

Jack shrugs but nods. He’s not about to admit now that he only watched it out of spite. 

“Wait,” Bitty says, his eyes going wide. “Which one?”

“Uh, Valentine Letters?” 

Bitty groans and hides his face in his hands. “Oh Lord. No wonder you thought I was going to ruin this movie. Jack, that script was so bad. ”

“Yeah, it kind of was,” he admits. 

Bitty sighs. “I didn’t think I could say no to a movie role but goodness I am not proud of that one.” 

“Hey, they can’t all be winners,” Jack says, gently pulling Bitty’s hands away from his face. “At least it’s not buddy action-comedy number 37.” 

Bitty laughs again and Jack feels a little bit victorious. “Rude Mr. Zimmermann, but true,” he says, leaning in close to say the last part quietly.

The third month of filming starts with what is probably the hardest scene of the entire movie. It’s both technically more complicated, with the staged fight, and probably the most emotionally heavy. 

The scene is set in the hockey team’s locker room and features a physical altercation between Liam and Will’s character Dex. It’s the climax of the movie in which Cameron is forced to confront everything he’s been avoiding about his sexuality, his fears about hockey, his future, and the way he feels about Liam. It’s an expertly written scene that somehow manages to exploit the inherent violence of the sport without glorifying it. At no point in the scene does Cameron come out, but to the audience it will be clear that even though the things being said are about Liam, the scene itself is about Cameron.

Jack thinks that this is going to be the scene that will make this movie. That doesn’t make it any easier to shoot. It’s the type of scene that’s filled with so much anger and fear that the tension lingers in the air even after the director calls cut.

Just like Lardo instructed him, he delivers the last line of the scene, his voice wavering just a little as he makes eye contact with Bitty who’s lying on the tile, fake blood smeared across his face. The studio is heavy with a tense silence for a minute before Shitty yells cut. 

All at once it seems like they let out the breath they’d been holding and the tension slowly bleeds from the room. 

“Shit. I think that was it,” Shitty says walking onto the set with Lardo.

Jack offers Bitty a hand up and he accepts it gratefully. He looks almost as exhausted as he was after Liam’s coming out scene and Jack can relate. This scene was maybe a little bit less acting than either of them would have liked. 

He takes a few steps back so Will can go in for a hug. Bitty flinches away for a second before accepting and Jack wonders what memories exactly this scene reminded Bitty of. He’s not sure that he wants to know.   

Shitty swoops in next. He’s made a habit of checking in with Bitty after the more emotionally charged scenes. It reminds Jack a lot of the way Shitty used to check in with him back when they were teens. He doesn’t think he’d realized back then how important it had been to have someone like that in his life.

He startles a little at a sudden hand on his arm and finds Lardo standing next to him.

“How are you doing?” she asks. 

“Oh. I’m fine.” 

She gives him a disbelieving look and Jack wonders for a moment if maybe she knows. He has no idea how she would know, but she’s perceptive so it seems possible. 

“I’m good Lardo. How did it look from your end?”

That brings a little grin to her face. “Jack, this movie is going to be so good.” 

He’s glad she feels it too. Looking around at everyone right now, he thinks they might all be thinking the same thing. What they’re making here really is something.

That night he goes to Bitty’s trailer like he had before. Bitty showed up for dinner this time but Jack still wants to check in.  

This time when he opens his door though, Bitty just greets him with a fond little smile. “Aww were you worried about me Mr. Zimmermann?” he teases. 

“I uh. I just wanted to check in,” he says awkwardly, eyes trained on the floor. That’s what friends do, right?  

He sits down once he steps inside and Bitty sits down next to him on the couch this time. 

“I honestly appreciate it, but I’m actually fine now,” Bitty says. “I mean shooting the scene wasn’t necessarily easy, but it was sort of cathartic? If that makes any sense? I mean, last time, or um I guess, when things happened to me . I didn’t have anyone who was on my side. My parents sent me to a new school, but that didn’t do anything to make me feel less alone. The whole point of the scene was that Liam wasn’t alone though. That he had more people on his side than he realized. So I guess…” he shrugs, trailing off.  

“ You have people on your side now too, right?” 

Bitty smiles up at him. “Yeah Jack. I do.” 

It takes Jack a minute to realize that he’s talking about him and he feels his face go warm. It’s such an honest statement that it throws him for a loop. 

“Oh. Yeah.” He punctuates the non-statement with a jerky nod. He’s tried to be there for Bitty, he wants to be, he’s not sure why confirmation that Bitty thinks he is feels so monumental. He’s not quite equipped to handle it. When Bitty ignores the awkwardness of his response and moves the conversation along he breathes a little sigh of relief. 

“Gosh, but this experience is really nothing like the other two movies I did. I mean, it’s a drama not a romcom so obviously things are going to be different. And the scenes we shot today… that was intense.” Jack nods in agreement. “But also just everyone on set too! Like is it usually like this where the cast feels like one big family? I swear on my last two movies the only people who actually liked each other were the people who were hooking up on the side.” He ends the sentence with an exasperated eye roll. 

Jack laughs a little. “Not really to be honest. I mean studios like to sell the “cast is a family who loves each other” story because it sells, but a lot of times you have a couple people you don’t hate, and you sort of avoid everyone else when you’re not on set. This has been a much better experience than a lot of movies I’ve made.” 

Looking back, Jack’s actually not sure he’s ever had this much fun making a movie since he was a little kid who didn’t understand business, or industry, or the concept of success at all.

“In that case I feel very lucky to be here,” Bitty says. 

“Me too. I honestly owe Shitty big time for this,” he adds. 

“Oh, did y’all know each other before this?” 

Jack doesn’t really talk about his teenage years, but Bitty has shared a lot with him so he feels like he should share something back. 

“Yeah, euh, we acted in a bunch of movies together when we were teenagers, before uh…” he pauses and hopes Bitty can fill in that gap. It’s not really something he wants to revisit right now. “And he reached out to my agent for this role. It’s been nice to get to work with him again. We sort of lost contact for a while, but we were pretty close when we were younger.” 

“I’m glad,” Bitty says and it sounds genuine. “You seem close. Although gosh, he’s certainly not what I expected! I’d seen a few Duan-Knight films before and they’re so artistic and refined!” 

Jack laughs at that. “Yeah, the way he describes it, it’s all Lardo’s visions, and he’s just there to make people listen to her.” He knows that’s not entirely true. Lardo has no problem getting people to listen to her and Shitty has plenty artistic vision. But when Shitty told him that it was accompanied by a lovestruck glance in Lardo’s direction so he’s pretty sure that was more about Shitty being in love with her than selling either of them short.

“Wait!” Bitty exclaims,“ since you’re close with Shitty, does that mean you know what the deal is with him and Lardo? Because sometimes I swear they’re together but then they call each other bro…” 

Jack shakes his head. “I know they’ve hooked up before and I think Shitty might have feelings for her, but the only answer either of them will give me is a shrug. I honestly have no idea.” 

Bitty huffs. “Ugh. So secretive.”

“I know,” Jack replies sympathetically. 

Bitty leans into his shoulder and Jack thinks about how much nicer this is than all of the other movies he’s made since rehab. During the first couple movies he was so worried that everyone was judging him for what happened and just waiting for him to do it again. Some people definitely were. Then he was just afraid of doing anything that might make his performances less than perfect. He was convinced that having a strict routine would ensure that his performances were good, that his career wouldn’t be derailed again by a bad movie. He doesn’t think he would have believed someone if they’d told him, but getting close with his costars and relaxing a little bit has actually made his acting better. Especially with this film, where his costars are supposed to be his teammates, and Bittle is supposed to be his best friend. It’s easier when it’s not just acting. 

They stay in the same position, Bittle leaning against him, for a while, talking. Or it’s mostly Bitty talking and Jack listening, but he likes it that way. Eventually he realizes that it’s way past his bedtime though and he has to leave. He sleeps easy that night. 

Jack knew going into it that this character had a romance subplot, and that at the end of the movie Cameron and Liam end up together. He’s read the script plenty of times. He’s not sure why he’s suddenly stressed about the fact that they’re filming the kiss scene tomorrow. 

In his career he has kissed plenty of people on screen before. Hell, his first kiss was on screen. That particular experience is part of a long list of reasons why he’s a little bit bitter about his childhood as an actor. Safe to say, it did not go well. He was nervous and the girl was even more nervous. So nervous in fact, that she cried, which made Jack feel horrible. The rest of his “kissing a co-star” experiences had been basically fine. It was acting. Jack can do acting. 

Which is why it makes no sense that he’d be anxious about this. He should be less anxious because it’s Bitty. They’re friends so it’s not going to be like the time he had to kiss a woman who asked him about his cocaine addiction more than once. Or the time another actress threw a fit about having to kiss him because she thought it was going to ruin her career. Nevertheless, Jack is nervous when he gets to set that morning.

He spends the whole time he’s in the makeup and hair trailer trying to figure out what’s so different this time. Apparently, his weird mood is strong enough for Bitty to notice, because he stops them before they get to the set. 

“Do you have a problem with this scene?” Bitty asks. His voice sounds hesitant and almost scared. 

What does Bitty have to be scared about?  

“No,” Jack says, but Bitty doesn’t start walking. 

“You know it’s just acting; it doesn’t mean anything about you,” he says tightly, his eyes darting away from Jack. It’s weird. It’s— 

Oh.  

Bitty thinks he’s stressed about kissing a man, which. Actually. That might be it, but not for the reason Bitty thinks. 

Jack has kissed a boy before. He’s kissed a boy more than once. He’s done more than just kiss one. But he’s never kissed a boy where anyone could see. And maybe it matters because even if no one knows—will ever know—it does mean something about him. It’s half the reason he’s making this movie. Telling this story feels like telling a version of his story he’ll never actually tell. And Bitty might be right. No one will assume he’s queer just because his character is but… 

But he doesn’t have time to think about this now. They have to get to set and he can’t go into this scene with Bitty thinking he’s about to pull some “no homo” bullshit on him, so he pushes those thoughts aside and focuses on Bitty. 

“Bittle.” He waits to continue until he’s looking at him, because this is important. “You don’t have anything to worry about. I think I’m just nervous because the last time I had to kiss someone on screen she asked me if ‘a cocaine addiction was contagious.’ Her words.”

It’s kind of a lie, but the worried look drops off Bitty's face almost immediately, which is the important thing.  

“She did NOTl!” he exclaims. “You’ve never even done cocaine!” 

Jack laughs a little. It hadn’t been funny at all at the time, but it’s a little bit funny now. Or at least Bitty’s righteous fury at it is. 

“Well rest assured Mr. Zimmermann,” he continues, “I will be a consummate professional instead of an unbelievably rude diva.” 

With that statement, Bitty heads for set, and Jack follows after him.

Despite Jack’s hesitations, the takes go perfectly fine and, as promised, Bitty is perfectly professional. 

The scene is a sort of softly lit picture of tentative love. There is still an air of hesitance and fear laden in the scene. Uncertainty for both Cameron and Liam about how this changes things for both of them. But at the same time, it is gentle and hopeful. It’s the sort of romantic scene that Jack hated as a teenager because of how unrealistic it always seemed. Now it feels different. Almost achievable. 

Jack is always a little bit surprised by how certain things feel so different now that he’s older. When he was a teenager on the brink of falling apart, everything had felt like both the end of the world and the only thing that mattered. His brief relationship as a teenager had been so intense. They were both so young and so scared of getting caught, and then it ended so abruptly when Jack almost died. They haven’t spoken since and he doubts they ever will. 

That night as he’s falling asleep, he thinks about that relationship and for the first time wonders if maybe the assumption he made back then, that being with a man or ever being out would ruin things for him, might be more the fears of an anxious kid than the truth. Maybe he’s finally ready to reconsider. Maybe if softly lit romantic scenes, and being friends with costars are achievable, then coming out someday might be achievable too.

Almost without realizing it, three months have passed. 

It’s hard for Jack to believe that today they’re really shooting the final scene. It’s the last scene in the movie and it includes everyone in the cast. Jack’s pretty sure Shitty and Lardo planned it specifically so they could all be there together at the end. 

The scene is pretty quick to shoot and suddenly it’s over. 

Jack has never been one to get emotional when he wraps a movie. They’re all just temporary projects and there’s no reason to get emotional about finishing something. But today he actually finds himself tearing up a little as Shitty pulls him into the group hug. He’s actually going to miss these people. And yes, he’ll see them on the press tour, and for the premiere, but it’s not quite the same. He vows that he’s actually going to keep in touch with this cast and not forget them the second he leaves. 

There’s a bit more wrap up to do but tomorrow everyone will be leaving. Jack is heading up to Montreal to visit his parents, and Bitty is flying home to LA. Adam and Justin are apparently roommates, so they’ll be heading home together. Will and Derek seem to not hate each other as much as they did at the start of the movie. He doesn’t know why they’d both be going to San Francisco with Chris if they did. And Denice is already booked for another project right away. It sounds exhausting, but she said she liked to keep busy so he supposes it makes sense for her.

The next day they meet for one last meal together. He says his goodbyes and gets told by no less than three people that “group chat is forever” so he’d better stay connected. Shitty insists that he come visit him and Lardo and Jack agrees easily. It’s been so good to reconnect with Shitty, and it’s a friendship he’s not about to lose again. Lardo says she wants to work with him again and that in and of itself is probably the best compliment he’s ever gotten from a director. 

He finds Bitty lingering around after everyone has said their goodbyes.

“Haven’t taken enough wrap selfies yet?” he teases. 

Bitty gives him a look and Jack puts up his hands in surrender. “You’re heading out soon, aren’t you?” 

Bitty nods. “My car leaves for the airport in 10 minutes.” He lets out a sigh. “I guess that’s it, isn’t it?” 

He sounds sad and Jack hates it, but he doesn’t know how to fix it so he just nods. “… Yeah.” 

Bitty pulls him into a tight hug and Jack hugs back just as tight. “Bye, Jack,” he says quietly into his shoulder. 

“Bye, Bittle. It’s been great working with you.” 

They pull apart and Bitty glances up at him before looking down at his shoes. “Jack… I… I guess the next time I see you will be on the press tour!” It’s falsely bright and doesn’t sound like what he was planning to say. 

“I could maybe come visit you before then?” he offers. He’s not sure if it’s any sort of solution to what’s wrong, but he’d like to see Bitty. It’s actually not a bad idea. “If I’m going to be doing more movies like this I might need to move back to LA.” 

“Oh! Jack, that’d be great!” He hesitates, and Jack waits for Bitty to say whatever is actually on his mind, but instead he just offers up a fragile grin. “Well, I’d better get out of here so I don’t miss my car!” 

With that he turns and walks away. 

“See you Bittle!” Jack calls after him, turning to walk to his own trailer. 

The second he turns around he’s hit with a feeling of wrongness, like he’s missing something. He turns back to watch Bitty walk away but he can’t figure out what’s wrong. He’s said his goodbyes, he’s even made tentative plans to see people again. What could he be missing?

Jack’s not sure how long he stands there on the empty set, still thinking about Bitty. Of course, he’s going to miss him. They’d ended up getting so close. The last month of filming they spent most of their free time together. There were late nights of talking, and early morning runs together, and Bitty had even shown Jack the secret oven he’d gotten access to so he could bake. And of course, he’ll miss working with Bitty. It’d honestly been some of the easiest acting he’d ever done. The friendship hadn’t been an act at all, and the romance had been an easy stretch from there. It was easy to take their real friendship and just lean into the romance of the scripted kisses and gentle touches and—

Oh.

Jack runs.

He knocks on the door of Bitty’s trailer and prays that Bitty hasn’t left yet. To his relief, after a couple seconds Bitty opens the door. He stands there, breathing a little bit hard after sprinting across the lot. 

“Jack?” Bitty seems to take in his state. “Oh my goodness, why are—is everything all right? You’re outta breath! You could have texted—” 

Jack grabs the handrail and moves two steps up, reaching for Bitty’s arm with his free hand. He tries to think of how to explain everything he’s realized in the past two minutes. The only word that comes out is his name. 

“Bitty.”

The silence stretches between them and he can tell the second Bitty realizes what Jack is trying to say. His mouth tilts up into a ghost of a smile and he’s leaning down as Jack moves his hand from Bitty’s arm to gently cup his face and pull him the rest of the way down into a kiss. 

They’ve kissed before. They’ve kissed dozens of times before. But this feels brand new. This time there’s no camera and no script and no director to call cut. Technically, the kiss isn’t great. It’s an awkward angle and they’re both smiling a little too much, but it doesn’t matter because this kiss is real . 

Jack pulls back just as he feels Bitty’s phone start buzzing where his hand is pressed against Jack’s arm. Bitty tilts his phone to read the screen and his face falls. “My car is here, I have to go.” 

Jack nods and steps back down onto the ground. A minute later Bitty is stepping out of the trailer, luggage in hand. 

“I have to go but I’ll text you, okay?” 

It’s so earnest that Jack can’t help the fond smile that makes its way onto his face. “Okay.” 

Bitty starts to walk towards the parking lot but Jack reaches out a hand. He grabs Bitty’s arm and pulls him into one more kiss. 

When Bitty eventually pulls back he does so reluctantly. Jack pushes him in the right direction with a gentle smile. “Go. But text me. We’ll plan my visit to LA.” 

Bitty laughs brightly. “Ok Mr. Zimmermann, that sounds like a plan.” 

Jack watches as he walks into the distance, backlit in the gold of the setting sun. 

He thinks:

This feels kind of like the ending to a movie.

And he smiles.

8 months later.

In the end, the movie does even better than they hoped. It’s critically acclaimed and does well in the box office which is the best you can ask. The media calls it both Bitty’s breakout role and proof that Jack Zimmermann is back and better than ever. 

Jack couldn’t care less about all of that, except for the fact that he knows the film’s success is important to all of his friends. What’s more important to him, is that he and Bitty have been dating for eight months, and he’s the type of in love he thought was only real in movies. 

He can’t lie that the Oscar nomination is nice though. 

The movie actually gets 4 nominations. One for best lead actor (Bitty had cried when they found out and Jack might’ve cried a little bit too), one for best directing, one for best supporting actress, and one for best picture. 

So, Jack finds himself dressed up in early February, at the Oscars for the third time in his life. It’s the first time he’s ever been at the Oscars for a movie of his own though. The first two times he’d been his mom’s date. He and Bitty arrive together, but they don’t hold hands. They’ve been keeping their relationship a secret from the public. After a couple months together, they’d told their family and friends, but Jack isn’t sure that he’s ready for the added media attention that will come when they make their relationship public. He knows Bitty has his own hesitations about any sort of other public coming out after his last one went so poorly. So, they’ve been waiting.

Jack is trying his best not to be too invested in the outcomes of tonight but it’s a little hard. Bitty’s giddy excitement is contagious, and he knows how incredibly important a win for Lardo and Shitty would be. The truth is, he wants to win too. He’s always been competitive, and an Oscar would once and for all prove that his acting career isn’t a failure, and isn’t just a consequence of his mother’s success. He’s afraid if he thinks about it too hard he’ll jinx it though, so he tries to focus on other things instead. 

The ceremony is as long as he’d remembered. Jack had kind of been hoping it only seemed so long the first two times because he was a kid. He gets so lost in thought that he’s caught off guard when they’re suddenly announcing the nominations for best actor in a leading role. He’s paying attention, but he’s also a little bit more focused on Bitty. He’s not quite sure why. Maybe it’s something about the way he’s dressed up, or the fact that the movie they made together might win best picture. But when they say his name for the winner of Best Actor in a Leading Role he’s looking at Bitty. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asks quietly.

Bitty looks at him intently. “Really?” 

Jack nods. “Yeah.” 

Bitty face lifts into a little smile. “Yeah.” 

Jack grins and presses a soft kiss to Bitty’s mouth. He can hear the crowd around them gasp but he doesn’t really care. He just won an Oscar, and he’s in love, and at this point there’s nothing anyone can say that will make him regret this.

Thirty minutes later, when their movie wins Best Picture and they’re all up on stage, he looks down at Bitty who’s already grinning up at him and he thinks he was wrong before.

This is his movie ending.