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Jack was still trying to take it all in.
Not the lights. No, that was fine. The colours surrounding him usually would be overwhelming, especially after he’d had a beer like tonight. In different circumstances, the fairground sounds would be a recipe for disaster for him.
But his boyfriend, Davey, so perfect in the moonlight, was what was too much for him right now. Jack just couldn’t quite let it sink in that Davey was actually his . Taking into consideration the fact that they had been together for nearly three years, he supposed he’d never fully understand it.
“Jackie?”
A soft voice, alongside a nudge pulled Jack out of the reverie.
“Jackie, do we need to take a break, querido?”
“No, no I promise. I’m fine, Dave. You’s just… you’s look so…”
Davey raised his eyebrows.
“...so perfect tonight.”
“Jackie…”
“I’s sorry.”
“What are you apologising for?”
Jack shrugged. He had never quite solved the mystery of why he felt the need to apologise all the time. He assumed it came from when he was younger. Memories haunted him of the boys when he had to come home some nights, apologising over and over again because they hadn’t made enough money during the day thanks to a crappy headline, and telling them all, with his head hung low, that they were going to have to go to bed on empty stomachs. Their faces, disappointment painted through their eyes, were ingrained into his mind for eternity.
“Come with me,” Davey said softly, outstretching a hand for Jack to squeeze. “I have something I want to show you.”
Intrigued, Jack followed him through the bustling crowds of people. He tried to take in his surroundings: the dancing carousel decorated with horses every colour of the rainbow; the distant ferris wheel that was filled with mini families enjoying the view; the towering helter skelter that made him wonder how on earth they managed to transport this tiny village of fun from city to city every week.
He watched around him, eyes wide, until it all faded into the distance and his legs grew tired. “Really, Dave? Up a hill?” he joked.
“Trust me,” he said in response, a gentle twinkling in his eye. And, boy, did Jack do exactly that.
They found themselves walking through the dried grass. The air was still humid, despite the sun having gone down long ago. Jack’s fingers were still infinitely intertwined with Davey’s, making him unsure where one of them ended and the other began.
Suddenly, Davey sat down on the grass and patted the ground next to him. “Take a seat,” he grinned.
Fully entranced in his boyfriend’s spell, Jack followed his instructions and rested his head on Davey’s shoulder. “What are we doin’ up here, Dave?” he whispered.
“Ssh. Just watch.”
Davey carefully lay backwards, using the hand that wasn’t holding Jack’s to rest his head on.
Jack quickly followed suit, lifting up their braided hands and kissing the back of Davey’s.
He stared up at the sky, lost in the infinite roof over them. He remembered the times when having an actual roof over his head was impossible, and when this was the next best thing. By the time he was 14 years old, he had memorised each constellation; which stars shone the brightest; which ones he did and didn’t like. He had never told a soul, but each star he had assigned to a person special to him, and the closer to the north star, the closer to his heart. So it made perfect sense that the star, (the one that shone almost just as brightly) that was placed directly next to the north star, had Davey’s name engraved all over it in Jack’s mind.
He opened his mouth to say something, but the look of wonder in Davey’s eyes made him fight back the words that lingered on his tongue, instead repeating the three syllables in his head over and over again to compensate, hoping that somehow a telepathic force would convey them to Davey’s mind.
I love you.
He returned his gaze to the stars and closed his eyes, almost praying the words to the skies.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
A quiet gasp of delight was emitted from the boy next to him, and Jack quickly opened his eyes to see what was happening to find Davey’s finger raised and pointing upwards.
What he saw made his mouth fall open in awe.
The skies, so dark and powerful, had been overtaken by shootings of white light. A meteor shower. Thousands, no, millions of tiny specks of white raining down throughout the atmosphere. Jack had never witnessed anything like it before in his life. His eyes didn’t know where to look; the once-in-a-lifetime skies being near perfection, but he knew that he had full, true perfection, the living embodiment of the word, quite literally at his fingertips. He eventually settled on the former, knowing deep down that he would have time to marvel at the wonder that was his boyfriend later.
The two of them lay there for what could have been hours. Jack had no clue how much time had passed. All he cared about was Davey. Davey and no one else. To be entirely honest, he was still staring at the skies for at least another five minutes before a voice nudged him out of the daydream softly.
“Jackie? My love?”
Jack dragged himself away from his train of thought.
“Wasn’t that incredible?”
“Davey, I-”
“I’ve never seen anything like it. Meteor showers never happen around here, and I was worried it would be too cloudy to watch it, but it was perfect, and-”
“Dave-”
“-did you see how incredible that was? I’ve dreamed of seeing stuff like that since I was a kid, and I-”
“ David .”
Jack’s voice was firm. He was never angry with Davey, no, that was impossible. And it was very rare that he rose to the point of firmness with him, so Davey stopped in his tracks.
“Jack?”
“I… I’s sorry. I-”
“No, stop apologising. You didn’t do anything wrong, cariño, I promise.”
Jack nodded slowly and started again. “I.. uh…” he cleared his throat. “I need to ask you something. And I’s need you to be completely, one hundred percent, honest with me, okay?"
It was Davey’s turn to nod. He sat them up gently, edging even closer to Jack.
Before he could stop himself, the words tumbled out of Jack’s mouth. “What is this about for you? Us, I mean.” He winced at the words, how childish they sounded.
“Is something wrong, Jackie?”
“Dave, please.” Jack’s eyes were verging on tears, his words cracking like a broken pavement. “I just need to know.”
Davey paused, staring right at his boyfriend’s eyes, the pain almost visible behind them. Davey knew, from months of waking up to a panicking boy next to him trying to recover from a nightmare, that Jack had seen too much in his life. Far too much for anyone, let alone a boy of his age. He was almost still a child . No one should have to see the things he’d seen; Davey wouldn’t wish it on a single soul. And yet, here Jack Kelly was, a sturdy 23-year-old with a lot to learn but a lot to share, too. And, for a fleeting second, Davey caught a glimpse of the broken young boy Jack used to be before the strike. Lord knew that Jack wasn’t quite “fixed” yet, but he was definitely better than he used to be. But seeing him so vulnerable and scared transported Davey to the tiny eight-year-old who had just lost both his parents and no longer had a purpose in life. No longer had a place to stay, to be safe, to be loved. And that look, that pleading in his eyes, sent Davey’s stomach lurching.
“Jackie. This. Us. It is the only thing I will ever need again. You, Jonathan Francis Sullivan Kelly, are an angel from heaven, and I will never wrap my head around how lucky I got to end up with you.”
He opened his mouth again, to continue, but was stopped by a searing kiss from Jack. Their lips collided with a passion Davey had yet to experience; the softness of their mouths moving in perfect harmony being something beautiful. As Jack slowly pulled away, he rested his forehead on Davey’s.
“Dave, I… I should be saying those words to you. I mean, just thinking back to about an hour ago. You saw I was feeling overwhelmed and you knew exactly what to do. You know me better than anyone and I… I’s adore you.” He rested his head on his boyfriend’s chest.
“Jackie…”
“No, Davey, listen. I love you more than anything in this world. And... I think... I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Jack pulled away and looked Davey in the eyes. "I love your smile. I love your laugh. I love your heart. I love your eyes. I love the way you hold me to your chest like I need to be protected. I love your subtle glances when we're with the boys. I love your kisses. I love every damn moment I spend with you. I love the way my heart speeds up whenever I'm with you. I love the way my stomach gets the butterflies whenever you say you love me. I love your hands, I love your hair, I love your humour... Jesus, Dave, I love you . And I want you . You, and nothing else, nobody else. I want to grow old in your arms and have kids with you and travel the world with you and achieve my dreams with you. I just want you ."
Davey continued to stare at his boyfriend with wide eyes. Jack could've sworn the entire skies were encaptured in them, sparkles of golden white floating through a navy blue paradise.
With a slight laugh, Davey whispered back quietly, "...are you asking me to marry you?"
Jack blushed a flushing red. "Maybe."
With a laugh that was verging on incredulous, Davey kissed the back of Jack’s hand. “Whatever I did to deserve you, I have no idea. But I thank the heavens for it every day."
Jack’s blush grew even more red. Trying to change the subject, he asked, “Did you plan for us to come out here to see the shower?”
Davey grinned. “...maybe.”
“God, Davey, you are such a nerd.”
“Yeah, but you love me for it.”
Jack pulled his face close to his own, so close that Davey’s breaths created warm circles on his skin, leaving a sweet tingling sensation that he wished he could commit to memory. “I do, mi dulce. I really do.”
And Jack, so broken and yet so whole, allowed himself to get lost in the sweet sensation of his lips gracing Davey’s. And he was certain, with every cell in his body, that as long as they were together, every day would be as wondrous as these few moments.