Work Text:
It all started with a phone call.
When Lisa’s absence was excruciatingly difficult to ignore. When Ako’s drums couldn’t overtake the noise building up in her head, when Rinko’s keyboard couldn’t control the vortex stirring in her thoughts, or when Sayo’s steady strumming couldn’t align the words she wanted to say.
The lyrics jumbled themselves during rehearsal. Everything is turning upside down.
The bass— no, Lisa’s bass — wasn’t there.
For non-musicians, the bass is subtle; it’s low-key, it’s almost unheard, it’s easily muddied and it can be quickly overshadowed by the other instruments.
But for her, that bass was the comfort she sought every rehearsal, every performance. It was the only thing her back could lean on when she felt the adrenaline weakening her knees. It was the only thing she could hear, and the only thing that kept her on her ground for so long.
And now that it’s not there, Minato Yukina realizes the severity of the situation.
Everything hits differently without Lisa around.
“Come on~ it was only one time!” Lisa exclaims, her grin cheeky when she saw firsthand how the band fell apart when she got pulled back by her part-time job. The vocalist could surmise the playful glint in her tone, knowing that even her, Minato Yukina, who never bothers with cheesy sentiments, admits that the band couldn’t function without her there, not when Sayo’s too awkward to communicate with Ako and Rinko’s too anxious to mediate.
“Even if it is,” Yukina replies, pausing as she thought of better words, “You can't deny that the band has certainly missed your company.”
“Aww~ does that imply you missed me too, Yukina?” Lisa muses, and Yukina felt her blood rushing to her cheeks.
Now hold on a second, that was uncalled for.
The girl simply turns her head to the side, away from her childhood friend and perhaps the only girl that could only know how to push her buttons. Her ears might be red, she doesn’t care, it’s night anyway and the streetlights are dim but not dim enough for them to lose their track on the sidewalk. But if a car passes by and its lights give away the blush she’s been trying to hide, Yukina notes to jump in front of it the first chance she gets.
“I-I’ve said my part in the restaurant earlier, I don’t need to reiterate them again.” Was all she could say for the time being, hoping that her stern voice could actually quell the crimson still dusted on her cheeks. If Lisa sees her, there’s no way she won't live it down.
Oh no , Lisa would do anything to see her flustered. She has been expressionless for the past few years that any out of character emotion from her can be considered a rare occurrence.
“Ah~ you can be so stingy sometimes, you know that?” She pouts. No please don’t. That’s too much for Yukina’s heart to handle. “But I’ll make you say that again! One of these days, I swear.”
“I wouldn’t back down on a good challenge.” The silver-haired girl replies, this time with a small smile curved on her lips. It was always a joy to hear Lisa become childish over the simplest of things, even when they were little. Whether it’s about who runs to the second floor fastest the moment they turn the lights off (she’s pretty sure Lisa’s just concealing the fact that she’s scared out of her mind) or who could jump off a swaying swing without stumbling on the ground (it wasn’t fair, Lisa’s pretty athletic whilst her limbs are a few dumb antics to heaven) and so forth.
Lisa wouldn’t probably remember— no. She definitely does, and so does Yukina. What Lisa probably doesn’t know is the fact that this was when she started taking notes; about her strengths, her capabilities, how she managed to be so strong and so weak at the same time.
She was abruptly shaken from her thoughts when she felt an arm sling around hers, their shoulders touching, Lisa’s laugh softly echoing before it slowly calmed, their breathing syncing along with the way they walked. Yukina notices how Lisa briefly stops to sync the beat of their feet hitting the pavement, one wouldn’t notice it but she did.
Lisa doesn’t know. Yukina knows but she’s just too caught up in her music, too caught up with entangling her past from her present that it eventually got buried at the back of her mind.
It was only recently when Yukina realized how these little things Lisa does just to catch up with her meant, how far she went to be with her right now— had she not formed Roselia, their friendship would be stuck at mediocrity; Sayo would probably still be at a loss with her relationship with her sister, Ako wouldn’t pursue the drums just as much as her older sister does, Rinko would settle as someone who gave up the piano because the world missed it for something else.
As for her… she would be forever locked in a cage with her same impossible dream.
Shackled by her past.
Shackled from the future she’s been painstakingly working hard for.
Shackled away from the only girl who could shatter the barrier she has been summoning every time.
The girl with chipped nails who still managed to bake her cookies when she sees her bedroom lights open in the middle of the night.
The girl with blistered fingers who somehow managed to knit her the scarf she’s currently wearing.
The girl who was always giving her two hundred percent even if her limit’s at a hundred.
The girl.. who simply did everything without expecting anything in return. At the expense of herself.
“Yukina?” Her eyes hardened. There’s a dull ache stemming from her chest, slowly rising to her throat. She can't cry. If she cries, Lisa does, even if she has absolutely no idea why. Because that’s just how she is. Too soft for the world and too kind for Yukina to deserve.
“Yes?” She croaks, the lump in her throat still present.
“It’s been chilly lately, isn’t it?” Lisa continues. “I can see why you’ve been wearing that scarf recently.”
Even if it isn’t, and if the world shifts and it’s cold in the summer, I’d still wear it.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve made that scarf, I probably should make you a new one~”
The image of Lisa’s calloused hands flashed through her mind once again.
“No,” she flatly says, and she felt the brunette stir from her side. Before she gets misunderstood, she resumes, “I don’t need a new one.”
“But that’s a little worn out, and the colors are faded.” Lisa pulls away for a moment, rushing and blocking her way. She touches the scarf for emphasis. Yukina stops. “And I’ve learned much more about knitting since then, I could make you one with a design of kitty paws!”
Yukina’s breath hitched. It was a tempting offer indeed, but she noticed the fresh band-aid wrapped around Lisa’s index finger when she touched her scarf. It wasn’t there before.
Before she could say anything, Lisa retracts her hand as if she knew that Yukina noticed.
She got hurt again.
Knowing her nature, Lisa wouldn’t dare tell her the reason for the band-aid even if she pleaded. That, or she’d lie, like every time she says that her nails weren’t important, or when the blisters were caused by a mishap in the kitchen. Yukina knows that Lisa’s too knowledgeable in the kitchen for a single blister to swell like that, no.
“So, what about it?” Her voice breaks her out of the trance, pale green eyes meeting hers. Her signature smile is still present on her lips, and Yukina thought that kitty paws don't amount to how much Lisa resembles a cat. She doesn’t need it, no matter how much she wants it.
Yukina sighs. She takes a step closer before she pulls the scarf from her neck and wraps it around Lisa’s. It doesn’t take a moment before the latter realizes what she did, before she sputters incomprehensible phrases even the vocalist can’t make sense out of.
“W-what are you doing!?” The usual chirp in Lisa’s voice instantly flies out the window, just as Yukina had predicted. “You get cold easily!”
She’s thinking about me again. Again and again.
“You must be getting cold too.”
You must have had a lot on your shoulder.
“I want to wrap this scarf around you.”
It’s not enough for what you have done to me.
“Lisa,”
Lisa…
“Thank you.”
I’m sorry.
“Yukina..?” All Yukina was able to reply with was a smile. Lisa has called out her name for so many times and so many years yet every single one of it was said tirelessly, every ounce was laced with affection and nothing but the best for her.
She hears Lisa fumble with her words once again, this time it was shaky, and it’s hoarse and there’s a light sniffle coming from her nose and-
Oh.
“Lisa?” She feels the brunette lightly punch her on the shoulder, “Ah.”
“You could’ve waited ‘till we got home you know!” Lisa cries in between sobs, using her sleeve to wipe her tears, but Yukina just reaches and uses the scarf to wipe them anyway. “Don’t ruin the scarf!” she barks, and Yukina feels something bubbling from the depths of her chest, before a chuckle escapes her lips, temporarily breaking Lisa out of her outburst.
“Don’t laugh!” She sounded annoyed but she couldn’t help it. Lisa looked like a child despite their height differences, and Yukina felt like they were young again.
“I don’t mind the scarf getting damp.” It’s better than staining her uniform with tears she didn’t want to see.
“But I made this for you.. I hate to be the one ruining it.”
“That would be impossible.” At this point Yukina doesn’t even know what she’s saying anymore.
“What?” A sniff. She looked more like a puppy than a kitten at this very moment, and Yukina still thinks they’re just as cute. “You sound so dumb right now!’
Another laugh rises to the vocalist’s chest. And she doesn’t restrain. She wants Lisa to hear her laugh, because she knows that’s all she wanted to hear ever since their distance grew, and it’s only now that that distance is closing, mending.
She reaches down for her hand and intertwines them, subtly brushing over the blisters that the brunette tried so hard to hide. Yukina now knows better. She will notice them, acknowledge them, take care of them . Even with the callouses, they’re still the same hands that pulled her away from the darkness she drowned herself in, the same hands that gently pushed her on the swing when they were kids, the same hands that baked her cookies and the same hands that knit her scarves.
Lisa tightens her grip.
That response was enough for Yukina.
That same night, Minato Yukina stays up in the middle of the night, on her desk and her mini lamp shade on, her mind swimming in a pool of words and her heart in a frenzy of emotions.
She didn’t leave her bedroom lights open. Lisa doesn’t have to know about this… yet.
The next rehearsal went by smoothly. While Ako still needs to work on her tempo, overall, Yukina can’t complain. It certainly was better with Lisa gradually catching up with the rest of the band, quickly syncing with Sayo and Rinko’s harmony after a few tries.
“That was so cool Yukina-san! We went back to normal when Lisa-nee arrived, she's like the passionate phoenix from.. from.."
"From the abyss…" Rinko whispers.
"FROM THE ABYSS!!” Ako’s chirp was higher than usual, with Rinko bashfully rubbing her arm at the display of embarrassment from the drummer.
Sayo immediately intervenes. “While it’s convenient that she’s finally here, Ako, you need to learn to reine yourself in. Imai-san will have a hard time following your lead.”
So she’s noticed as well. Yukina thought, but it’s Sayo after all. If she’s not around, the teal-haired girl could easily substitute her role as the leader. “I agree.”
“Come on, cut her some slack~!” Lisa comes to the rescue, wrapping her arm around Ako who looked a little crestfallen. She immediately beams as the older girl leans her cheek on her head. “Let the girl loose for once.”
“I won’t allow it,” Yukina sternly retorts, crossing her arms, “If it happens everyday there’s no telling it might be the same during an actual performance.”
“Yukina~” The brown haired girl coos, and Yukina folds. “If you’re worrying about me catching up to Ako, don’t worry, m’kay?”
“Ako-chan.. if you like… we can stay for a little longer… and practice the song..” Rinko, who has been quiet for a while suddenly cuts in. “I have no problem.. teaching you the melody..”
The surprise in Lisa’s face was apparent, and Yukina noticed that her childhood friend’s hands were loosely balled in a fist, as if holding something.
“Shirokane-san, Udagawa-san, I’ll join you.” Ako and Rinko enthusiastically rejoices at Sayo’s remark, before the latter faces Lisa and the unknowing Yukina who has Lisa’s arms already slithered around her waist. “Both of you, go home.”
“Why me?” The vocalist finally speaks.
“That’s so mean Yukina~ you’re letting a girl like me walk home by herself?” With a cute little squeak, Yukina jumps upon realizing the distance between them has significantly decreased. Lisa’s chin was resting on her shoulder. Too close too close too close.
The twinge of rouge on Yukina’s cheeks didn’t go unnoticed by Sayo. She sighs. “Good work today, both of you. We can resume tomorrow.”
Yukina’s pretty sure Sayo’s staying behind because she wanted to play NFO with Ako and Rinko after they leave. Not that it mattered, as long as they don’t forget that their live is in two weeks.
Two weeks.
Yukina remembers the lyrics. She has to brief them about it this weekend.
Lisa’s arms were still wrapped around her waist, and the silver haired girl absentmindedly places a hand upon the bassist’s. There was a slight flinch on Lisa’s end, and that sent an alarm blaring inside Yukina’s mind.
“Wait a moment, okay? I’ll go retouch my make-up for a bit.” Lisa pulls away from the hug, and Yukina immediately misses the warmth. She saunters over the washroom at the end of the room.
Her gaze lingers at the door, and Yukina knows it had something to do with her hand. It has to be. Lisa refuses to tell anything because she knew it was a hindrance to the band. To her performance. She remembers Lisa’s loose fists from earlier. There must be something with her fingers.
She walks past the triad, their music blurring in Yukina’s mind. All she could think of was the image of Lisa quietly wincing as she followed Ako’s beat, to sync with Rinko and create the way for Sayo’s guitar. Especially Yukina. Lisa knew the bass was her cushion and knowing that fact alone was enough for the girl to keep going. But her hands..
Yukina shoulders through the door and she immediately locks eyes with Lisa who was bent over the sink, lip gloss in hand.
The vocalist blinks.
“Hi.”
Hi? Who says ‘Hi’ inside a washroom?
“Uh, hi.” Lisa smiled, and Yukina replied with an awkward smile of her own. The brown haired girl looks back at the mirror to apply the rest of the lip gloss. “Do you need someth— Yukina?”
The said girl wraps around Lisa’s waist, resting her forehead on her back.
“Yu~ ki~ na~” Lisa chimes again. “My back’s gonna give out soon you know!”
Yukina doesn’t reply. Lisa doesn’t know just how much she was relieved to see her casually doing her routine, without the presence of the damned band-aids and ointments that Lisa usually brings during rehearsal.
The pit in her stomach disappears. She’s glad Lisa’s alright.
She hears Lisa’s light groan as she turns around, her arms still around her waist. “You’re surprisingly clingy today, is something the matter?”
The smile on Lisa’s face was enough to calm her. They were so close to each other, but it doesn’t bother any of them. She knows Lisa likes it when she seeks attention. Her eyes trail from her eyes imbued with curiosity trailing down to the glistening lip gloss on her lips.
Lisa noticed.
“Ahaha, do you want to try it?” Yukina responds with a slight nod. If that makes this girl a little better, then so be it. A little lip gloss wouldn’t hurt.
“Your lips aren’t as dry as mine, so I’ll just pat some gloss on with my finger, okay?”
Lisa must feel uncomfortable, being trapped between her and the sink. But she still continues, and she glides her finger across her lips— Lisa’s index was coarse, Yukina thought, and she couldn’t imagine running them through water without the pain shooting through her arm.
She closed her eyes shut. She can’t think like this. If Lisa knows she’s worrying too much, then she would have a harder time focusing. She doesn’t want that.
Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.
What’s taking her so long?
She opens her eyes— the first thing she sees were Lisa’s lips, edges curved into a smile.
Yukina felt the heat rising to her cheeks.
“You really take care of yourself so much, huh.” The gentle voice of Lisa pulls her away from her thoughts temporarily. Yukina’s conscience holds a truce. The debate could happen some other time. “No wonder your lips are soft.”
“Not as much as yours.” Aaaand there it is. She’s bound to slip up someday after all.
Yukina wonders if Tsurumaki Kokoro has enough guitars to bash her head with.
“Yukina~! You’re gonna make me blush!” There was a slight shove and a sudden whine coming from Lisa, her cheeks flushed with red and her body convulsing from restrained laughter. “You really don’t think before you say anything do you?”
Yukina plops her head at the crook of Lisa’s neck. “Perhaps I’m just tired.”
“You say that, but you stay later than most of the people in the neighbourhood!”
The vocalist raises her head to look at her. “I closed my lights early recently.”
“But not your lamp,” Lisa counters with half-lidded, disappointed eyes that Yukina finds cute. Lisa just can’t find it in her heart to actually get annoyed with her, much less get mad, even if she has every right to be. “You can be a bad liar at times, Yukina.”
It doesn’t even surprise her anymore that Lisa knew she was lying. She’s like a book and Lisa has read every single page, memorized every single word and familiarized every single story. She has read her again and again, and whatever new chapter she makes she knows Lisa’s always there to anticipate, to read, to memorize.
Even with the countless lies she had spun, black or white, Lisa’s always ready to forgive, and Yukina knows that that’s gonna do her more harm than good. Yukina can’t allow Lisa to be hurt anymore, she wants to end her pain, even if she knows that Lisa would be too stubborn to hear any of it.
“I apologize.” Was all Yukina could say, defeat in her voice. “Let me make up for it.”
“Really?” Lisa’s voice came as a sultry whisper. Their faces were a little more closer than before, and Yukina could feel the tension rising. With every breath Lisa takes, her chest rises and it meets hers. Yukina— no, both of us are in sync and the vocalist’s mind drifts back to her childhood friend’s lips.
Her eyes were gleaming, as if expecting something.
Lisa slowly leaned in.
“Gotcha!” She suddenly exclaims, smudging the rest of the lip gloss from her fingers onto Yukina’s nose.
“Lisa!” Yukina grimaces, pulling away as she quickly raised her sleeve to wipe the gloss away.
“Ehehe~ didn’t see that coming, did you?” Lisa should be thankful she’s cute, or else Yukina wouldn’t live it down. “Sorry~ I thought that was a perfect opportunity!”
Yukina doesn’t respond as she continues to wipe the gloss from her nose. Lisa laughs harder. “Your nose.. pfft— hahaha!” She looks at the mirror, and she sees her nose now decorated with the lingering effects of the lip gloss. It’s shining under the light. “How do I—”
“Here, let me remove it. I’m sorry.” Lisa chimed, her smile never leaving her face. She cups Yukina’s cheeks before she dabs a wet wipe on her nose. It didn’t take much effort for it to come off.
After she removes it however, Yukina didn’t expect Lisa to lightly kiss the tip of her nose, before her face scrunched up into a silly expression she used to make when they were young.
This is still platonic right?
The alarms began to blare inside Yukina’s head once again. Lisa is going to be the death of her.
The brunette gently pats her shoulder. “Done. I’ll finish touching up, okay? You can wait for me outside.”
With a slight nod and a small curve on her lips, Yukina does as she was told.
The trio looked at each other, knowing the same question was floating in the air between them, yet none of them brave enough to ask it.
When Yukina stepped outside of the washroom, her arm was covering the lower half of her face. Her ears were red. She mutters a brief ‘good bye’, picking her purse up before shouldering the door outside the room.
Lisa then follows suit, lightly treading her finger across the ends of her lips just in case the gloss smudges when she purses them. She picks up her bass before daintily waving at the rest of their bandmates.
"They really sure are red from the heat in this studio huh!"
Well, at least one of them was brave enough.
"A-Ako-chan, that's not.." Rinko trails off, Sayo's gaze telepathically tells her to stop before she ruins Ako further, "I-I guess so…"
"I wonder if they can take the heat?" The drummer prods, "I'm sure Yukina-san would've helped Lisa-nee!"
Sayo spews the water she was drinking, earning a scream of surprise from Ako as Rinko scrambles for her handkerchief, panicking at the sudden display of bewilderment.
Ako cocks her head to the side, confused.
"Did I say something weird again?!"
Tonight, Yukina doesn’t leave any lights on, knowing Lisa could be closely watching her from her bedroom. Only the light from her phone, to which she occasionally opens to proofread her work. Just a little more. A little more and I’ll be done. But it wasn’t enough. There’s so much to say, so much to write. The lyrics could reach a 4 minute mark and it still wouldn’t be enough.
She rips the page off and crumples it before throwing it across the room.
The frustration grows— she’s slowly descending into madness. She’s blank, nothing’s coming up.
Yukina grimaced. They’ve been together for more than a decade yet she still can’t describe Lisa the way she wanted to. She didn’t want to settle with mediocre words that came from a thesaurus— that’s not how she plays, no, she wanted this to be different.
When Lisa does something, she does it from the heart.
Yukina dryly laughs at the thought. Of course Lisa would do that. All Yukina relied on was her mind and her drive to reach her goal, the desire to finish what her father started.
To think like how Lisa would… it felt like Yukina was tainting something sacred.
As if on cue, there was a soft buzz from the side of her table. She doesn’t need to double check who it was— there’s only one person who could message her at this time of night.
11: 18 P.M.
[Lisa] Still up?
[Yukina] I was just about to head to bed. Can I help you?
[Lisa] Well
[Lisa] For starters
[Lisa] You can open the window
The silver haired girl rushes to her balcony, pulling her curtain to the side. Lisa was crouching, phone in hand and her screen was facing Yukina, her cheeky grin ever growing.
She slides the window open. “Surprise~”
“You could’ve come in through the front door, you have the spare key.”
“Don’t wanna, hehe.” She sheepishly smiles, one that Yukina can’t notice without her heart fluttering like butterflies. “It’s more fun this way. I can just jump back in the morning.”
“In the morning?” Yukina repeats, and Lisa nods. “You’re going to spend the night here?”
“Can I?” The brunette pleads, and who was she to resist the puppy eyes that Lisa loved to use? It wasn’t fair.
“Fine. Come in.”
Lisa gleefully mumbles a small excuse as she steps inside Yukina’s room, immediately helping herself to the small mint candy jar by the radio side table.The smaller girl keeps most of these whenever her throat becomes sore— something she wouldn’t have pegged Yukina to have knowing she wouldn’t eat anything that could hinder her from performing properly.
“Any news on those lyrics?” She starts, unfolding the plastic wrapper. Yukina swallows; Lisa shouldn’t know about it. The latter quizzically looks at her, chewing the candy.
The vocalist’s gears began to churn in her head, thinking of a reply that refrains Lisa from gaining more curiosity at the work in progress. But it’s pretty late and the brunette’s about to hop towards her desk and oh no no no no —
“Wait.” She catches her wrist just in time. “It’s… no good.”
“No good?” To Lisa, that seems impossible for a prodigy like Yukina. “What do you mean?”
“I still can’t find the right phrases.. and the composition’s still a mess. I need a little more time.”
That’s a half-lie. Those lyrics were incomplete due to her failure as a friend. Yukina knows she loves Lisa just as much as her passion for music, the only problem is that it wasn’t constant due to her lack of effort as Lisa’s childhood friend. Lisa never lacked anything— she loved baking, knitting and playing the bass just as much as she loved Yukina. She never loved one more than the other and that’s something she can’t learn.
Lisa knows her so much yet Yukina doesn’t. For more than a decade Lisa stood behind, sat through hell and walked through thorns she didn’t deserve. For her.
It’s almost palpable that it makes her laugh. Why can’t she do the same? Why can’t she do anything decent outside of music?
Why can’t she give Lisa everything she deserves?
Why can’t she be someone that Lisa deserves?
She breaks out of her thoughts when she feels Lisa’s arms wrap around her.
“Yukina..” Her voice is as gentle as the spring. “Don’t cry."
Don’t cry?
“Eh.” Yukina mutters. “I am?”
Lisa’s hug was tighter than usual. “I really don’t know what goes on in your mind, Yukina, but you know I’m always here, right? That’s what I’ve been here for.”
It’s strange. There’s a dull ache in her chest once again, and it stings. What is she feeling? What is she crying for?
“Yukina,” Lisa’s voice is stern, but gentle, there’s this sense of familiarity that she somehow knows what she’s thinking but chose not to say anything— because what mattered to her the most was Yukina’s feelings and nothing else. “Do you remember when we were kids, and you always used to cry?”
With a shaky breath, Yukina nods.
“I was glad you stopped frequently crying the moment we reached high school, but for some reason, that happiness was short-lived. You stopped showing emotions entirely, and I didn’t know what to do.”
“Was that a bad thing?”
“Of course, you big dummy.” Lisa’s grip on her shirt tightened. Yukina can hear the light sniffles on her end. “You were slipping farther away from me, of course it’s bad. I don’t want that.”
Lisa’s voice got weaker.
“Is it bad that I’m relieved that you’re crying?”
“Lisa..”
When I cry, Lisa cries, even for absolutely no reason at all. Because that’s just the kind of person she is.
Yukina then wraps her arms around her, with a little hesitation at first, but slowly the need for Lisa’s warmth engulfs her. She wants more of it. It’s calm, it’s relaxing, it’s comforting. But who is she kidding? It’s Lisa after all. It’s everything she ever wanted.
“You’ve always been a bigger crybaby than me.” Yukina softly chuckles, and she hears Lisa groan at the tease.
“It’s because you make me so sentimental!” She whines, and Yukina pats her back. She can feel Lisa smile though, the smile that she always had the privilege to see. She pulls away, her hands gripping the silver haired girl’s shoulders. “So no more crying, okay? You know we both fall apart when it happens!”
Her tone was playful, almost like a child’s.
Yukina softly laughs. “I won’t.”
“Good, now, let’s get you to bed. It must be tiring to keep yourself composed before crying like that.” Lisa says, pulling her gently towards the bed. Yukina looks back at her desk, the lyrics still unfinished. It would be easy to pull away from Lisa’s grasp and finish the lyrics, but for every plan she makes, Lisa finds a way.
They slowly sank at the softness of her bed, the weight of the blanket embracing both of them.
Lisa has always been this spontaneous, though Yukina can’t say she dislikes it.
The brown haired girl kisses her on the forehead, pulling her close; Lisa had the habit of doing it even back then when they were young— it’s her way of saying good night even if Yukina already expressed contentment with just saying it. But of course, a kiss goodnight is such a Lisa thing to do, and even if she doesn’t say it the gesture eventually grew within her.
She observes as Lisa slowly drifts to sleep.
For her to sleep soundly just as they landed to bed.. just how long did she plan on visiting her here?
Yukina notices the dark circles under Lisa’s eyes, a small frown on her face as she sank deeper in her slumber. It’s funny, she should be the one with the eyebags and a frown, not Lisa, not ever.
The latter’s hand gingerly rested between them, her opposite arm around Yukina’s waist. The band-aids were still there, wrapped around the worn pads of her fingers. There’s also a bandage around her wrist, peeking behind the sleeves of her jacket.
Yukina pulled the sleeve to see it better. Just what on Earth is she doing to herself?
She’s fairly certain that the bandage wasn’t there before, and Yukina can only endure the guilt punching her in the gut. Lisa said none of these to her and that only makes the pain burn even worse— much, much worse.
Contrary to her fingers, her hand is smooth— yes, there were rough patches of skin due to which she guessed were remains from her callouses, but they were born from her hard work and Yukina didn’t mind any of it. Lisa tries so hard in everything, especially in their friendship, and Yukina knows she’s unworthy of the attention, time and effort.
Yukina knows that there were more hidden scars only Lisa sees, and it ticks her because she knows she can’t do anything to mend it.
She intertwines her hand with Lisa’s, slowly so as to not stir the girl from her sleep. They fit so perfectly, it made Yukina smile a little— it would’ve been a big deal if Lisa sees, since she’s not one to express such sentiments all— only for it to disappear at the realization that this probably isn’t what the world would have wanted for her.
If Lisa deserved the best, Yukina deserved the opposite. She’s hurt the girl for so many times than she could count and this girl— this.. this girl— still loved her to the moon and back.
The guilt of scarring a girl like Lisa will be the burden that she’s willing to take with her to the grave.
She gently tightens her hold on her hand. Lisa’s lightly snoring in her sleep, possibly even purring, and Yukina feels her tension ease at the calming noise.
Silence.
The only sound Yukina can hear is the soft thumping of her heart and the sound of Lisa mumbling something incoherent from her dreams. With her free hand, Yukina brushes off the bangs that covered the girl’s eyes, tucking them behind her ear.
It’s so unfair that she gets to witness something as angelic as this. But she’ll be selfish. Even if she has been one in her entire life.
“I’m sorry it’s taking me this long to appreciate you.” Yukina kisses the back of Lisa’s hand. For now, it’s the only thing she could do. “I promise I’ll do better.”
As she felt the drowsiness weigh her eyelids down, Yukina hums an improv, a tune that would remind her of the girl in front of her— befitting of an angel. That could work perfectly with the lyrics, but that could wait in the morning. All she cares for now was Lisa’s presence and the relief that she would wake up and she’d still be there.
Unbeknownst to Yukina, Lisa’s hand grasps hers tighter, a soft smile curling upon her lips.
Just quit. Roselia can find a better bassist.
Yukina..?
If you can’t devote yourself to my cause, then this band isn’t for you.
Yukina! What are you saying?
If it pains you so much, then just forget about everything.
Yukina, listen to me!
You can pursue your dreams and chase after love. You’ll gain new friends, find a partner. This band won’t hold you back— I won’t hold you back.
No! Yukina! Please don’t go!
Yukina!
“Yukina..!” Lisa jolts awake, sweat beading on her forehead. “Yukina!?”
Her hand grazes to her side, searching for the girl’s presence under the covers. It was empty.
Lisa’s heart sank like an anchor in the ocean.
Ding!
There was a chime coming from her hoodie pocket. She rushes to unlock her phone, greeted by flurries of text from Yukina.
9: 48 A.M.
[Yukina] Good morning
[Yukina] I hope you slept well
[Yukina] image_0.png
[Yukina] You got something in your eye
Lisa closes her eyes as she shuts her phone off, hugging the pillow Yukina used to sleep with.
There’s something about Yukina’s silly message that hauled the anchor weighing down in her chest. Lisa raises her wrist and did as what the text implied, but this time there were unknown tears brimming in her eyes, and it didn’t take much long before she felt the relief washing over her.
With a calmer mind, she unlocks her phone once again.
10: 12 A.M.
[Lisa] You could’ve just removed it yourself!1!111
Lisa sees the three dots on Yukina’s end just as she sent the message.
10: 12 A.M.
[Yukina] Can’t remove it, you might wake up
[Yukina] Didn’t want to disturb
[Yukina] It looked like you had a lot of things going on
Lisa blinks as she registers the message from Yukina. There’s a pit settling in her stomach, one that she couldn’t ignore.
10: 14 A.M.
[Lisa] sgaskaksa I’m just sleeping wdym
[Yukina] You talked in your sleep
[Yukina] I left you be so you won’t have a rough morning
“Idiot..” Lisa roughly runs her hand through her bangs, her hair still disheveled. She swallows the knot forming in her throat. “I don’t even remember what I said.”
Her phone chimes again. Yukina must be worried about the lengthy silence after the last text.
10: 17 A.M.
[Yukina] image_1.png
[Yukina] Are you fond of taro potatoes?
Yukina isn’t home.
[Lisa] I love them
[Lisa] btw where are you?
[Lisa] I’m surprised you woke up earlier than me
[Yukina] Mom asked me to go to the grocery
[Yukina] You looked peaceful, I don’t want to wake you up just to accompany me
[Yukina] I apologize
[Yukina] Are you upset?
Lisa pouts, sinking back into the bed and rolls to her side. Yukina’s scent lingers around the pillow.
[Lisa] Meanie ;3;
[Lisa] I’m not upset, just disappointed
[Lisa] I wake up and you’re not here!
Her pout is soon replaced with a small smile, however it immediately dissipates as well when Yukina drops a message she least expected:
[Yukina] Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon
[Yukina] I moved the rehearsal tomorrow. You’re mine for the day.
Lisa throws her phone at the end of the room, signalling the end of the conversation.
“Oh, Lisa-chan, you’re here!” Yukina’s mother gleefully greets the brown-haired girl before turning to Yukina, who was trailing behind Lisa. “Yukina, help your father in the kitchen.”
“Why is he in the kitchen?” Yukina hears Lisa snort at her remark.
“Come on, go help him,” Lisa nudged, “He might need an extra pair of hands.”
“Fine.” The silver-haired girl’s tone sounded more like a groan than a reply. She finds her father flipping the last mackerel from the pan, the sizzling noise easily drowning the sound of her footsteps inside the kitchen. But that doesn’t matter, he turns his head anyway when she sees Yukina scooping from the rice cooker.
“Ah, Yukina, wait a moment.” He starts, “It won’t take long for the fish to cook.”
“It’s okay, I’m just scooping rice.”
“The miso soup will be ready soon too.”
“Thanks.”
There was a momentary silence between them, the noise from the pan keeping the brief exchange from being awkward. Yukina packs a bigger scoop for Lisa’s share; the girl needs to eat properly. Getting her bass frequently maintained must have taken more out of her paycheck than she initially thought, she noticed because Lisa constantly insists on sharing a drink with her instead for the past few rehearsals.
“..Yukina.”
“Yes?”
“The bowl is overflowing.”
Yukina looks down on her hand, the bowl is filled past the brim and it’s gonna fallit’sgonnafallwhatdoIdoLisahelpme
“Ah—” Yukina quickly regains her bearings before she hovers the bowl above the cooker, the mountain of rice plopping back to the pot.
“There must be a lot on your mind. Writing a new song?” Her father chuckles, flipping the fish a second time.
“No, just.. thinking.” She replies, avoiding the gaze he’s sending upon recognizing the pause. “I’m done with the song; I’m sure the band will love to perform it but..”
Yukina steals a glance behind her. Lisa’s happily talking to her mother at the table— they’re probably tossing around words that took more brain cells for Yukina to decipher what they were talking about. Lisa looked flustered. Her mom must be prying her with a lot of personal questions— sheesh.
“Lisa-chan, huh.” Her dad gets it.
It takes a while for Yukina to talk. Surely her father wouldn’t mind. “The lyrics I wrote were mostly about her— I'm unsure if it's worth for me to sing it.”
He laughs, his eyes gleaming somewhere between nostalgia and melancholy. “The apple doesn’t really fall far from the tree, does it? When I was your age, music was also the only thing I had, like you.”
He places the last mackerel on the plate before replacing the pan with a small pot filled with miso soup. Yukina watches quietly.
“Anyway, anything beyond music was unfortunately beyond me. It took a lot out of me to court your mother, my bandmates would even mess with me to get her attention. Everything. Every attempt was unsuccessful, your mother continued to ignore me—not that it mattered—until I thought, ‘How can I use my desire to play to get the person I want?’”
“So you wrote a song. That sounds just like you.”
He snaps his fingers, the gesture sending a small smile tugging at the edge of Yukina’s lips.
“I did. And when I finished, all I could think of was the uncertainty that my current skill wasn’t enough to express the emotions I want. We were still in highschool, I’m still going through phases of puberty and I wasn’t ready for any of it. My emotions are a mess and so I held off from singing them. I settled at watching your mother from the sidelines for how many months. It was excruciating, of course, your mother is beautiful—boys line up everyday to ask for a chance and I didn’t know how to handle my emotions. Everyday I contemplate singing that song, everyday I debated.”
That response earns a slight chuckle from Yukina. “I couldn’t imagine that the musician I look up to the most would be a walking storm in the past.”
“Everyone has their story,” He replies, before his expression turns into something more.. bittersweet. “It was a difficult time, love is a tough nut to crack and your mother is an enigma. But even with the amount of suitors she has, I’m surprised none of them made the cut.”
“Did that help?” Yukina interrupts.
“Totally not.” He laughs, “I tried dedicating myself back into the band, but none of the lyrics I came up with came close to what I wrote for your mother.”
“Maybe it’s because it’s inspired?”
Her dad looks at her as if she got it. “It was. It took me long to realize that no one's ever going to breathe life into those lyrics if I didn’t. I wrote it after all— I have all the rights to perform it.”
He puts the ladle down on the counter before he rests a hand on his daughter’s shoulder. “And when I sing it, I sing it with everything I have. I’m certain you know that.”
“You don’t have to tell me.” Yukina says as she steals another glance at Lisa’s direction.
His father followed her gaze, her daughter’s eyes echoing the same look she donned with her first encounter with music. There’s a spark, a flicker of hope and a whisper of innocence— it’s been so long since he has seen this side of Yukina. It felt like he was reliving his days as a band member who’s just as bad at fumbling at his emotions; to which Yukina perfectly mirrored. The resemblance was uncanny.
“Lisa-chan is a beautiful girl, it wouldn’t surprise me if someone else would take an interest in her.”
“Well, they should be.” The silver-haired girl croaks, bitterness audibly present in her voice. “A person like Lisa is hard to come by.”
“So it’s perfectly fine if someone takes her away from you?” That question strikes a chord deep within Yukina’s entirety. It felt like a punch in the gut. “Okay then, there’s a lot of fish in the sea after all.”
She doesn’t respond to that.
“Speaking of fish, the food’s getting cold. Bring them to the table for me, okay? I’ll catch up in a bit.”
Yukina does what she was told, and there’s a certain flutter of softness bubbling inside her when she sees Lisa’s face transform into delight upon seeing the mackerel and freshly made Chikuzenni on the tray she was carrying.
“Wow, what’s the occasion?” Lisa’s chirp sounded surprised, completely taken aback by the food currently in front of her.
Yukina sputters a couple of vowels— ah, uh, eh— before settling it with a trusty, plain old, “Nothing.”
“Don’t listen to her, Lisa-chan!” Completely out of the equation, Yukina realizes the gravity of the situation but before she could do something about it, her mother blurts out: “She specifically told us to prepare Chikuzenni and mackerels!”
“Ahh~” That tone in Lisa’s voice dreaded Yukina the most. “I see.. hehe~”
“Yukina said it’s your favorite—“
“Mama.” Yukina finally cuts in, ready for the conversation to end. “I’m certain Lisa gets the idea already.”
Her voice is stern but Lisa can’t take her seriously when her ears are so red she can see puffs of smoke comically coming out of them.
“There’s no need to hide it,” Her mom chimes, “I’m pretty sure Lisa-chan would be thrilled to eat your Chikuzenni~”
“Yukina?!” The surprise in Lisa’s voice was so apparent that Yukina almost felt offended. “You made this?”
“Why do you think I’m at the grocery this morning?”
“Ahaha, so that’s what it was..” She sheepishly laughed as Yukina quietly took her share.
It doesn’t take long before Yukina’s father arrives at the dining table with piping hot soup, Lisa’s eyes twinkling as an entire meal of traditional food sat in front of her. The silver-haired girl is pretty satisfied, Lisa’s ever-smiling lips the only thing present in her mind while she cooked (read: botched) her favorite dish.
The atmosphere was light but Lisa can feel the heavy gaze from Yukina’s end as soon as she picks a lotus root from the plate. She turns her head to meet Yukina’s stare, but the girl immediately whips her head back to her bowl of rice, picking up an untouched part of the mackerel.
“Y-Yukina..” Lisa suppresses the urge to squeeze Yukina at the adorably childish display of anticipation.
“Sorry,” She mumbles, “I won’t bother you.”
Lisa does continue, and while on the process of picking the vegetables she sees a familiar ingredient that she isn’t sure if she’s going to burst into a bundle of giggling fit or squeeze Yukina until she loses consciousness.
“So you did put taro potatoes in them.. ehehe~”
As the color red decorates Yukina’s ears once again, she takes a piece of the mackerel, bringing it to her lips.
“You said you love them, so I bought them.”
It took every bit of Lisa’s manpower to stop herself from tackling Yukina into a hug.
Yukina spends the whole afternoon finalizing the lyrics thanks to the deep, rich sound of the bass echoing from the house beside hers. Lisa has crossed back to her room for the meantime for a quick run to the shower, giving Yukina enough leeway to work on the lyrics without the other girl’s idea.
When she finally hears the bass from the other side, Yukina rolls her chair a bit further behind, to catch the glimpse of her childhood friend comfortably leaning her back against her bed, hugging her beloved instrument and her fingers creating the tune Yukina knew too well. There may be a couple of rooms available for improvement but the vocalist knows she’s trying.
Lisa seems to be unaware she’s looking, so she lets herself be a little greedy and lingers at that spot for a couple of minutes. She’s in her usual jacket zipped up to cover half of her body— the amount of hoodies she has was beyond Yukina’s knowledge— and she plays, she plays and plays, centering at that one beat that might throw the band’s sound if she messes up.
A sigh was heard. The bass screeched and the music stopped. Yukina sees Lisa bend over, the walls preventing her to see what the girl was up to at the moment. Her phone then suddenly awakens in her hand, the sharp sound of her ringtone blaring loud enough to reach the room next door.
The vocalist scrambles in her seat and the sudden movement catches Lisa’s attention. Yukina looks up and she’s already at her balcony, a mischievous grin plastered on her lips as she watches her try to muffle the sound coming from her phone.
“Seems like someone has been watching me the entire time~♫” The playful lilt in her voice never left as she sends a wink towards Yukina’s direction. “Got nothing to do?”
Yukina blinks, the heat rising to her cheeks. “I can’t help but observe when you play the bass.”
The grin quickly turns upside down, Lisa’s hands bashfully rubbing an inexistent part behind her neck. “Ehehe, I’m still struggling with that progression though.”
The silver-haired girl rose from her chair as she walked towards her terrace. “Do you need me to accompany you with vocals?”
Lisa averts her gaze. “Actually…” she trails off, “I was about to ask you if you wanna hang. I mean, you told me I was yours for the day and—”
Oh. Yukina rushes to retrieve her phone and open their LINE. Lisa definitely just asked her the same thing.
She also noticed the pink slowly adorning her cheeks at the last comment, avoiding her stare entirely. “I mean! It’s okay if you don’t wanna, I mean you’re obviously working and..”
Lisa was a complete rollercoaster— Yukina could enumerate several expressions and none of them came close to what this girl currently wears.
“I suppose a little break wouldn’t hurt, I was done with the lyrics anyway.” Lisa’s eyes came back to its usual glint. “What do you propose we should do for the day?”
“Hmmm..” Her childhood friend leans on the railings as racks her brain, before shooting up a couple of seconds after. “Oh! Do you want to go to the park? I bet most of the children have went home already.” The action was so comical Yukina can almost see a lightbulb popping above her head.
“The park?” She asks, raiding a finger to her lips, “In the afternoon?”
“Ehehe~ you’re welcome to suggest something else if the park’s no good.”
She shakes her head no. Of course there’s no way Yukina would allow that. “I’ll get my coat.”
Lisa jumps with glee, retreating back into her room with a skip in her step.
The park was almost empty, just as Lisa had predicted. There were still a few kids playing at the sandbox at the other side of the field, but from where they were it was quiet enough for their conversation to continue.
The topics were endless; they range from the famous influencer Lisa was currently following, the newest issue of the rock magazine being delayed or the rumors about a renowned music producer scouting individuals from different bands. The only thing that mattered to Yukina was the magazine, but Lisa figured that already,—she’s not just fond of them— in fact, Yukina didn’t even know they were being live streamed during a show one time, the brunette kinda admits that it took a lot out of her just to help Yukina barely understand half of it.
But she knows just the topic that could catch her attention the most. “So.. the new song’s done, huh? When are we gonna hear it?”
Yukina stops herself from drawing more circles on the sand, shifting on the swing uncomfortably at the puzzling question. “How did you know?”
Lisa sends her a knowing look. “You just told me awhile ago. Before we leave.”
“..Oh, yeah.” The thought must’ve slipped her mind, or probably the words slipped out of her tongue. She must’ve said it unknowingly, when she knows Lisa would’ve asked her to go somewhere if ever she got extra time to hang, just like now. “It is."
“Is it good? Would it be better than our last?”
The cat like smile never left Lisa’s lips as she prodded with more questions. All Yukina responds was a smile of her own. Her childhood friend really exuded that kind of aura. She smiles when she does— it’s infectious. “I can’t promise anything unless the band performs, but as I wrote the lyrics— there’s a high chance it would.”
“Hehe,” The girl beside her snickers, “I wouldn’t be surprised. Anything you do is amazing, Yukina.”
The vocalist just blinks, and the girl knows it’s Yukina’s own way of showing her surprise. Eventually she just chuckles softly, going back to scribbling doodles on the sand. It’s full of their footprints. “Unlike our other songs, this one came to me on a whim. And I wanted it to be different, so I scrapped anything heavy from the composition; I sincerely hope Ako would reine herself in for once, but I trust her capabilities. In fact, I believe the whole band could adapt easily, and asking wouldn’t be necessary knowing you continue to surpass my expectations every performance.”
“I bet Roselia would—” And then Yukina meets Lisa’s eyes.
They were strikingly attentive, and the way she can still see them twinkling under the shade of the tree— it’s perfect.
“Lisa? Is there a problem?”
Yukina might have said this a lot already, but Lisa’s smile is still there, but now it’s warmer, more vibrant. It expands into a grin as she says: “Nothing, it’s just that it makes me glad that you’re smiling a lot recently.”
Yukina then shuts her mouth entirely, unsure of what to reply. Her cheeks burn either from the sun, the blush or the fact that her lips curled too much upwards her muscles started to ache— even she couldn’t know. There was no way when Lisa was one of those things and the reason for the others.
“Inspiration must be a lot— I didn’t even see you bash your head on your pillow once.” She laughs, and the sun shone brighter even if it’s already sunset. “Whatever or whoever that is, I should probably thank them. The band could pay a tribute while we’re at it!”
Yukina smiles— a knowing one.
As Lisa laughs at her own silly comment, the afternoon sun plays across her features. Her hair had lighter streaks and her eyelashes were long, a little canine tooth protruded from the rest of her teeth and her cheeks always had this rosy flush that puts several cosmetics to shame.
Yukina loses her breath at the sight. The moment was pure perfection— it was bliss.
But like all things in the world, it was short-lived. Broken by Lisa’s over-the-top ringtone blasting throughout the playground, shattering Yukina’s little world in a matter of seconds. Lisa fished her phone out of her pocket, her eyes growing wide at whatever’s flashed on her screen.
“Oop, sorry, gotta take this call for a sec.” she says as she presses her phone onto her ear.
Yukina exhales. Of course she can’t have the best things in life; but it wouldn’t hurt to dream, right?
“Oh. Ah, okay. Don’t worry, sir, I can handle it. Thank you.”
Lisa then drops the call. “Who was it?”
The girl rubs her nape, sheepish. By the looks of it, the news shouldn’t be good. “That was my manager at the store. I told him I’d take shifts as much as I could— and there’s one, apparently, right now, and the paycheck’s pretty good and—” Lisa sighs as the air rolls right through her lips. “I could take it if I wanted to.”
Oh.
Yukina blinked. A pit threatens to fall to her stomach.
“So.. what are you going to do?”
“I guess I should take it, I mean it’s just carrying boxes and counting inventory. Besides, I need better strings for the bass.”
Carrying boxes. That answers the dithering question about the bandage around her wrist.
“I mean, the strings are still do-able, but it might be better for the band if I made the bass sound a little better, wouldn’t it?”
For the band. That phrase has always pleased her when it came from any of the members of Roselia— it was her method of reassurance that anything they did was for their betterment and for their collective goal at Future World FES.
But why, why WHY now does it leave a lingering taste of bitterness when it came from the person she wanted to hear it from the most? Her bandmate, her classmate, her neighbor, her childhood friend—
The image of the band-aids on Lisa’s fingers and fresh roll of bandage around her wrist flashed through Yukina’s mind once again. It beats her senseless.
She remembers it vaguely.
Lisa was different. Lisa loved to bake, loved to cook and loved to paint her nails— they were pink; some days blue and some days purple, they were pretty and Lisa used to be so proud of them, girls flock to her every morning. Yukina couldn’t care less. But it made Lisa happy. So Yukina lets her be.
Roselia was formed. Lisa joins. She struggled to fit her sound within the band, but eventually she manages— thrumming and plucking, thrumming and plucking thrumming and plucking at the same chord of the same composition made by the same girl who told her to quit if they couldn’t share the same wavelength about materializing a dream that is almost within her grasp—
“Yukina?” Lisa’s hand hover over hers.
Her nails are now chipped— colors faded—skin worn out and her wrist is hurt, possibly even strained. She hides them now whenever someone notices, she doesn’t look too proud of them anymore, she’s alone every morning probably with her bass at the rooftop, trying and trying and trying. Yukina cared when it was already too late, she’s uncertain about Lisa’s current happiness and god imagine throwing everything away just to chase a person like her.
“Don’t go.”
Lisa‘s feet halt her from the swing. Did she hear it right? Minato Yukina, the lone songstress whose voice soars and she who leads the elite band Roselia— for the first time, she pleads, she meeks, she weakens— she’s begging her to stay? “Please don’t.”
Yukina lowers her gaze. The more Lisa gives, the more it eats away at her life.
She loved her hands, she loved the way it whisked away a passing leaf when she fell asleep at the courtyard, she loved the way it tucks a hair behind her ear, she loved the way it simply clasps against hers or when it pinches her cheeks apart when she beats herself up for dragging a note for too long during rehearsal.
Lisa pulls away from the swing and crouches to her level. “Why not?”
Yukina knows she’s not making any sense. Her logic is dissipating.
Lisa’s eyes never lost the glimmer in them; it almost sickens her. It’s as if the bit of shame left in her downright mocks her out in the open. Why can’t she be mad? She was being her selfish self as always and it’s always welcomed— time and time again— by Lisa with open arms and excruciating selflessness.
She tried to pull her hand away from her grasp but the brunette didn’t let her. “Yukina, I know you have something to tell me.”
Pale green irises, long eye lashes. Lisa really is beautiful. It’s a shame that all she did was to make those eyes brim with tears.
“Nevermind.”
“C’mon,” Lisa pushes, “I wanna know.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
Lisa’s stern gaze was partnered with a pout. “Fine. Okay, I’ll be leaving then. See you tomorrow.”
She feels the warmth disappear when they let go of their hands. The cool afternoon breeze brushed against her skin, it yells, it scolds, it wants Yukina to chase her— but what should she say? Lisa stands up. She only has one pathetic attempt left and it’s slipping away, she’s not even done enumerating inexisting reasons why she couldn’t come in terms with her feelings toward Lisa—
Her feelings toward Lisa. Is that what this was about?
No. She can’t think about that now. Time was slipping and apparently Lisa will if she doesn't do anything. If she leaves, tomorrow will be rehearsal, and the day after that, and the day after, and the day...
A slight weight pulls Lisa back.
“Wait,” She mutters, her breathing ragged for unknown reasons. Her hands had caught on to her jacket, clawing them as hard as she could. “Bear with me, I’m having trouble picking the right words to say.”
The brunette exhales— it was sharp. She can already sense the exhaustion on Lisa’s end. She turns around to face Yukina again, crouching to her level. “Yukina, you’ve always been awful at expressing yourself, that’s why eventually I learnt to how to learn you. I’ve known you for more than ten years— lmost my whole life— so it's almost painful that you think anything could just stump me as easily.”
“Well, then, if you say so,” The vocalist breathes deeply. “I want you to treasure yourself.”
In a genuine moment of surprise, Lisa was taken aback. Beyond her expectations.
“I don’t really get what you’re saying, Yukina—“
“The bass, your work, the cookies you make, the scarf you knit.” She trails off. “I can name those, but I’m sure you have others you wouldn’t even bother to tell. It doesn’t even sit well with me that you go out of your way for us— the band, your friends, with me . It hurts me that I feel like I can’t be relied on because I depend too much.”
Lisa interrupts. “But I rely on you! You’re Roselia’s lea—”
“Stop.” Yukina tuts, “I’m speaking as your childhood friend, not your leader.”
There was a knot tightening in Lisa’s throat. Constricting, suffocating. “Yukina..”
“If you can’t will yourself to do it,” she takes Lisa’s hand, her eyes boring through hers. “Then I will. I’ll treasure you as much as I could. Everyday, I’ll remind you.”
Ah. I finally said it.
Somehow, it now stirs well in her chest. Everything else was a blur and it felt like she was floating. It was just the two of them in the park now, she didn’t notice. But then again, she used to think the same when she and the music she loved just lived in its own simple world; but then this girl appeared, and suddenly the world seemed to turn differently when she barged right in without even taking her shoes off.
So it’s that simple. She’s almost free from being confined in her thoughts.
A soft thud fills the space between them, with Lisa now firmly sat on the ground. Her eyes never looked away from Yukina.
“Yukina— a-are you.. is this a sick joke because..”
The hesitation present in her voice pained the receiving end of the message. But Yukina understands— Lisa lived giving too much without receiving anything in return. It led her to believe that she’s incapable of ever earning that kind of acknowledgement— from Yukina, no less.
But she wanted it to be concrete; she wants for Lisa to see it, and so she’ll be better.
“I wouldn’t wish that it is,” she says, “Lisa, you’re my childhood friend— but it gets harder to reconcile that fact when I’m already starting to see you in a new light. I locked myself away along with my feelings to focus on my music; but weren’t it for you and Roselia, I wouldn’t be able to learn that both can peacefully coexist. I had no idea that I am capable of different emotions—joy, warmth, sadness, frustration— they all stemmed from thinking about you and that’s why they’re strong but they’re even more overwhelming when I’m with you.”
The knot in Yukina’s throat is getting harder to keep. “Lisa… I’ve only said this over the simplest of things, but I’m sorry. For taking you for granted. And for all the times you’ve almost given up on me but miraculously didn’t— thank you. I couldn’t have worded it any better.”
The look on Lisa’s face was of awe, lips slightly parted, as the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes finally broke— and it came crashing. They slid down her cheeks like raindrops on the window.
Yukina’s eyes widened at what she saw, but eventually they softened, her thumbs brushing to take the tears away. She took her hands once again.
“You’ve done a really bad job at hiding these.” She says, emphasizing on her hand, to which Lisa laughs in between cries, “As much as I appreciate what you do to the band, for me— you exerting dangerous efforts would only hurt me as well. Your bass strings are excellent, knowing you’re the one taking care of them.”
She grazed her thumb across the band-aids— gently, and full with care. “Anything you do is amazing. How can I ever repay you for what you’ve done?”
Lisa squeezes her hand as she shakes her head. “You don’t have to.”
“Lisa—“
“All I did was to reach and call out your name.”
“Don’t speak as if it’s that simple,” Yukina cuts in, “Where do you think I’d be if you didn’t?”
“Honestly? I still think you’d be where you are right now. Still on the path to the FES. Pursuing your dream.”
“But I wouldn’t be happy.”
Lisa’s eyes widen, before her lips quivered and the rest of her emotions flush out. She lowers her head as she wipes her tears. “Damn it, Yukina, you’re really tugging on my heart here.”
Worried that she may have gone a little far with her words, Yukina tries to lower herself to better console Lisa. “I’m sorry. I might have went overboa—
The swing is a little higher than her so she has no choice but to adjust, but just as she was about to, Lisa, with a quick, swift movement, grabs her by the collar and—
And— and—
And—
Lisa, her childhood friend and bandmate, the bassist who had fans from different years and the girl whose charm knew no bounds— seals her lips with a kiss of her own.
Yukina shuts her eyes at their collision, the girl’s lips the only thing yelling inside her head but also the only cry of victory pounding in her chest. It pushed, it clamoured, it rattled and screamed, the feeling was surreal and for sure the feeling was mutual as well. Lisa moves, and she copies, she melts in her warmth and Yukina feels her knees weaken, her momentum pushing her down and Lisa, with her ever caring arms, welcomes her.
They were both on the ground and sand was all over their skin but neither of them bothered to care.
As Lisa pulls away and gazes at Yukina’s half-lidded eyes, the situation finally falls upon them, both cheeks hot and both ears red.
“Y-Yukina I— I don’t know what to say but—”
Too many words. Yukina drags her back in for another kiss, slow and heavy, sweet and lengthy and just... perfect. She cups Lisa’s cheeks as she attempts to deepen the kiss, and she happily obliges. The brunette whimpers in her lips, her hands wandering throughout Yukina’s back, her sides, anywhere just to keep them occupied. Yukina stuffed hers in her hair, her mane just falling into the spaces between her fingers like puzzle pieces.
As air became scarce and both sides could feel the exhaustion draining both of their bodies, they finally pulled away, both mind and heads in the clouds and lungs that deprived the chilly air none of them noticed.
Yukina was already straddling Lisa’s lap, the memory of the swing long gone at the back of her head. Under her was Lisa, eyes dazed and her cheeks visibly flushing under the streetlight.
Streetlight?
Yukina looks around. It’s definitely night, and their parents might already be wondering where the hell have they gone but Lisa’s under her and she’s unsure if she wants to end it— Lisa probably doesn’t want to too, and she’s glad she’s taking this pretty well and.. okay maybe not.
With a calmer breath, Lisa’s finally ready to speak. “So uhm, that… that happened.”
The silver haired girl blinks. “...It did.”
“Sorry, I just lost control and.. my emotions are a mess and—“
“..You don’t have to explain,” she sighed, deeper than usual. “I understand.”
“You do?”
A nod.
“You know what we did isn’t what best friends do, if we fall apart it could break everything.”
Yukina didn’t want to hear this. It’s as if Lisa can already tell that eventually they’ll realize that going past the boundaries was the worst decision they’ll ever make. She isn’t ready to think about it. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
“Yukina,” She whined, “This isn’t a live performance where you can easily decide about risking it or not.”
“Then why did you kiss me?” Lisa winced at Yukina’s grip on her shoulder. “You could’ve easily just embraced me instead.”
“Because I’m in love with you, doofus!” The brunette lightly shoves her as tears threaten to fall. “I’m scared that our friendship would crumble if we break up and I’m not ready for it! And there’s your career, Roselia and Future World FES and your dad! You have a lot on your shoulder and I’ve been a burden enough for everybody and—“
Tears. Tears again, and she falls apart.
“I didn’t want to pull you down with me.”
She finally said it, but Yukina didn’t expect for it to hit differently. Lisa was leaning her forehead against her chest, body convulsing and tch she made her cry for an unhealthy amount of times this week that Lisa is just.. so visibly tired.
“Lisa.” She starts, the girl hasn’t said anything for a while now. “Look at me.”
Lisa does as she was told, dried-up tears staining her cheeks. It was painful to look at. “My career, Roselia and what happens with my father is upon me. It’s true that I have those to work out, and I have a lot to carry— but don’t ever say that you’re a burden, especially not to me when I witnessed everything firsthand. You’re made up of a lot of things, Lisa, and being a burden isn’t one of them.”
“But—”
Yukina leans in for a chaste peck on her lips.
“Yukina—”
And another.
“I—”
Then another.
“I get it!” Lisa laughs as she backs away from another incoming kiss from Yukina. “I get it, okay?”
“Good.” The silver-haired girl reaches down to take her hand, kissing the back of it to soothe the emotions. “I was beginning to think we’d still be here in the morning.”
“Yeah, no.” The brunette chuckles, “There’s a reason why our houses are so close to each other.”
“Would you like me to hop on yours for the night?” Yukina suggests, and Lisa’s cheeks immediately get red at the thought. She can be so bold when she wants to, and when she does, it doesn’t take long before Lisa crumbles. Oh what am I going to do with you, Yukina?
“You can, but promise me you won’t try anything.” Eh.
Yukina frowns. “I’m afraid I can’t guarantee that.”
“Yukina!” Lisa shoves her once again; both of their laughters echoing throughout the park. “I mean I’m not entirely against the idea, but we’re in a park!"
Almost immediately, Yukina shuffles on her lap, never taking her hands off of hers. She pulls her up and the girl starts walking out the playground— with Lisa in tow.
“Where are we going?”
“Where else,” Yukina says, not even bothering to look behind her. “We’re going to your house.”
“Eh? Why?”
She doesn’t respond to that, but Lisa can see Yukina’s ears poke behind her hair— they were red, and the brunette can almost feel the dread settling in her chest.
“Yukina? Yukinaaaaa!?”
The following days were eventful. Ako finally learnt to control her tempo, Sayo slowly mended things between her sister and Rinko, well, still Rinko, but Yukina can tell she has eased up and settled herself nicely within the band.
As for Lisa— it couldn’t have been any more perfect.
They don’t tell the band, and it’s difficult, especially at school when Lisa suddenly pulls her inside a bathroom stall and make out every chance she gets. She was certainly feisty, but Yukina can’t say she didn’t love it.
It does, however, fall apart when Yukina messes up one day at the studio, when she didn’t take their uniform into account. The collar wasn’t high enough and the mark stuck out like a sore thumb.
“Imai-san, did you scratch your neck recently?” Here comes Sayo with the punches, and Yukina awkwardly shifts in her place as she ate the cookies. It was break time, and Lisa raised her hair to fan herself from the heat, completely forgetting about the other girl’s recklessness from last night’s events.
Yukina almost pulls Lisa’s arms down, but it was too late.
Lisa drops her bunched up hair, her lip curling into a cat mouth. “Huh? No, I didn’t. Why?”
“There’s a red spot just by your neck. I can take a look at it if you’d like—” Now finally recognizing the situation, Lisa backs away as Sayo leans across the table. Yukina almost choked on the cookies, immediately taking a swig of her tea to calm herself down.
“Ah, the cookies are gone!” Ako yells, “Yukina-san ate all of it!”
Sayo looks at Yukina, who has been uncharacteristically quiet for the past few minutes for quite a long time now—long enough to let the chips fall where they may. She looks back at Lisa, then back at her, who tries to keep it cool by coughing on her fist. “Thank you for the fOoD .”
Deafening silence settled between the band.
Minato Yukina is a prodigy, whose voice soars and captures even the most professional of singers— but as of the moment, her voice cracks, her bandmates stare at her like a deer in front of the headlights and Lisa, her childhood friend and girlfriend, sputters a laugh that reverberated throughout the studio.
Rinko shakes in her place, Ako is confused but still equally enthusiastic, Sayo is probably thinking about bashing herself with her beloved guitar but Lisa just sheepishly looks at her, her hand in a small peace sign— her way of saying "Hehe I messed up".
Her hands were now free from the band-aids, the only thing decorating them now was a new set of polish she bought for Lisa and a bracelet from the store by the station. There’s something about that sight that sends this fluttering feeling settling upon her chest.
“Minato-san.”
Sayo’s voice pulls her out of her thoughts. She specifically stares at Yukina with disappointment across her features, appalled at the terrifying realization.
“Yes, we’ve done it. What of it? ”
The rest of the band goes into a state of frenzy— even Rinko yelled.
Lisa’s eyes darted towards her, absolutely dumbfounded at the unexpected response. Her whole face was red and her previous grin transitions into a mouth of surprise.
Yukina smiles in satisfaction as she drinks the last of her tea before reconvening the band who was still in chaos. She sighs as she basks in her newfound peace.
The cookies tasted particularly sweeter today.
End.