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“Is everything okay, Buguinette?” Chat Noir demanded urgently as Ladybug touched down on the roof of Sainte Chapelle.
She didn’t often call unscheduled patrols unless something had happened.
“Nothing’s wrong exactly,” she hedged, avoiding his gaze as she sank down to sit, her legs dangling off the parapet. “I just needed to tell you something, and I didn’t think it could wait.”
“What is it?” he inquired gently as he took a seat beside her.
She took a deep breath, muscles tensing. “Maybe you’ve noticed, but…I’ve been really stressed out lately.”
“Yeah,” he softly agreed, reaching out to rest a hand on her shoulder. “Yeah, I’ve noticed. I was serious when I said I’m here for you if you ever want to talk, Ladybug. We’re partners in all this.”
She winced and shrank from him further as a fresh wave of guilt pounded down on her like a waterfall. “Thank you, Chaton. I just… The pressure has been getting to me. Juggling everything got to be too much. I felt like I was drowning but I couldn’t tell anyone.”
He nodded, knowing firsthand how that felt. He couldn’t tell anyone what it was really like to be Adrien Agreste either. Becoming Chat Noir had seemed like freedom at first, but, recently, he was starting to realize that, even though he’d never want to give up being a superhero and all the good things it brought to his life, being Chat Noir did have its downsides when it came to lying to the people who were important to him.
“It’s hard having to keep so many secrets,” she whispered, echoing his thoughts. “I feel like I can’t truly be myself with anyone, and it was starting to tear my relationships apart. I’m losing people, Chat Noir, because I have no choice but to push them away to protect my secrets.”
He gave her shoulder a supportive squeeze. “I’m so sorry that it’s gotten so bad, My Lady. Please know that, if I could, I’d do anything to help you.”
“Thank you,” she replied shakily. “That means a lot to me because…it’s been getting to me,” she pressed forward even as she started to cry. “It’s gotten to the point where I can’t handle it. I was thinking that there’s no point in even being me anymore because there’s nothing left for me in my civilian life, so I was thinking I’d just be Ladybug all the time, but…”
He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her into a side hug and resting his head against hers. “Ladybug, no. Don’t give up. There has to be some way we can fix this. I can’t stand by and let this destroy you. There has to be another way.”
“There is,” she answered in a small voice full of apprehension. “I told my best friend the truth.”
He pulled back to blink down at her, not comprehending. “The truth?”
She looked up at him through her tears and nodded. “I’m so sorry, Chaton. You should have been the first person to know my identity. It should have been you, and I’m really, really sorry that it wasn’t, but…I had to. The isolation was killing me, and I had to tell someone what was really going on.”
“…Oh,” he breathed, too shocked for a moment to do anything else.
His brain quickly rebooted, and he pulled her back into his arms, nuzzling her hair as he assured, “My Lady, no. No. It’s fine. I get it. I really, really get it. Don’t even worry.”
“W-What?” she choked. “I…I thought you would be mad at me.”
“I’m disappointed that you told someone else, sure,” he scoffed, pulling back to cup her face in his hands, “but, above all, I love you, Ladybug.”
Her heart fluttered as she stared into his earnest green eyes.
“I care about you, and I want you to be okay,” he stressed. “I’m sad that I couldn’t be the person you confided in, but I could never be mad at you for doing what you needed to do to take care of yourself. I get that this isn’t easy, and I know you’ve been struggling since taking over as the Guardian. It hurts that I wasn’t the first one to know, but it’s okay because I’d never want you to go on hurting so much on your own.”
“Chat Noir…” she breathed, in awe of her partner’s maturity and the depth of his feelings for her.
“I’m glad that you’ll have someone to look out for you in your civilian life when I can’t be by your side,” he confessed with a tentative smile.
She threw her arms around him, hugging him fiercely. “Thank you. You’re the best, Chaton. I don’t know what I did to deserve a partner as amazing as you. Thank you so, so much.”
“You’re very welcome,” he assured, closing his eyes and treasuring the moment, the feel of her in his arms, the way her hair felt against his cheek.
Minutes drifted by unmarked, and they eventually pulled apart slowly.
“So,” Chat cleared his throat. “How exactly do you want to do this?”
She blinked. “Sorry. What?”
He looked around, scanning their surroundings. “I mean, do you want to go somewhere more private? I don’t think anyone will see us up here, so do you just want to drop our transformations on three, or how did you want to do this?”
“Drop…our…? What?” Her eyes widened in terror as she thought she understood his meaning.
He turned to stare at her in confusion. “Revealing our identities to one another,” he replied as if it were a matter of course, “now that we’re on the same page about how it’s dumb to have to keep our identities secret.”
“No, no, no!” she interjected, waving her arms wildly. “Chat Noir, no! We can’t! It’s still too dangerous with Papillon at large. It’s even more important to keep other people from finding out about us now that my identity is compromised. I may feel better right now, but I’m not sure if this is a mistake yet or not. We have to keep our identities secret no matter what.”
He continued to stare at her, a maelstrom of emotions flickering in his eyes before the walls went up, and his face went blank. “So…nothing’s changed?”
She shook her head ruefully, regret evident in her stormy eyes and the tight line of her mouth. “No. I’m sorry. I’ve put us in even greater danger, so we have to continue to be vigilant. Maybe even more so now than before.”
He bit the inside of his cheek hard, and his hands balled into tight, trembling fists.
For a moment, he considered letting it all out and railing at her about how unfair she was being…but then he thought back to all their previous fights and how they hadn’t solved anything and had just left him feeling bad about himself.
He took a deep breath and cleared away any outward sign of emotion. He’d had plenty of practice doing so when dealing with his father or the public.
It made him feel slightly ill to do it with her.
“All right,” he replied neutrally. “If that’s what you think is best. You’re the Guardian.”
Relief flooded her face, and she threw her arms around him again.
This time, it felt wrong and made his skin crawl.
“Thank you,” she stressed so sincerely. “Thank you for understanding.”
His stomach churned because did she know him so little that she couldn’t tell something was the matter?
“You’re welcome,” he heard himself say as he gave her a quick squeeze and pulled away, getting to his feet. “I’m glad you’ve got someone to support you, Ladybug. Goodnight.”
He took off before she could respond and didn’t look back.
He wasn’t sure how long he sat on the edge of the Montparnasse Tower’s observation deck feeling numb and staring off into space, but when he regained awareness, it was much darker than it had been when he’d met up with Ladybug.
The first thing he felt was fear.
He was going to get akumatized.
Shutting down like he had done had bought him some time, but he was feeling things now, and they were all extreme and negative, and he was going to get akumatized and be forced to fight his Lady against his will, and it would be his fault that Papillon won and got their Miraculouses because he couldn’t grow up and deal with his emotions like his father always reprimanded him about doing.
There was one thing he was sure of, and that was that he needed help. He couldn’t fight this on his own. He needed backup, and there were two people who immediately came to mind.
Ultimately, Marinette won out because her house was closer and, though Nino was a fan of Chat Noir, they had never actually interacted while Adrien was transformed. Marinette wouldn’t be as starstruck, and she’d probably ask fewer questions.
Part of him was terrified of what he was about to subject his friend to, and still another part felt sick with guilt about putting her in danger, but she could be the difference between Papillon’s victory or defeat in that moment, so he had no choice but to avail on her.
He ran, pushing himself harder and harder to go faster until he arrived on her balcony panting from the exertion.
“Chat Noir?” she gasped, the colour draining from her face as her eyes frantically searched him. “Are you okay? You look like the devil’s chasing you.”
“He is,” he snorted wryly. “Or close enough, at least. May I come in? I need your help.”
“Yes, absolutely,” she responded without hesitation, beckoning him down through her skylight. “What’s going on?” she demanded as they made their way down from her loft.
He started to pace as she stopped at the bottom of her ladder, hooking her arm through one of the rungs and leaning on it as she watched him, studying his expression and movements.
“I need your help,” he repeated, trying to get his thoughts in order as they flitted about his brain, scattering in all directions like fish trying to avoid being scooped.
He stopped, sinking to her chaise as he looked up at her pleadingly. “I’m afraid I’m going to be akumatized.”
The remaining colour evaporated from her cheeks as she hurried to his side. “Chat Noir, what’s wrong?”
“I’m so sorry for putting you and your family in danger like this, Marinette, but you’re the only person I could trust,” he quickly pleaded for her forgiveness before plunging forward. “Listen. I need you to keep an eye out for akumas. If you see one coming, take my ring and run. I’ll try to hold it off as long as I can to buy you a little time.”
“It’s not going to come to that,” she asserted, determined to save her partner.
“But if it does, promise me you’ll take the ring and get out,” he insisted.
“Chat Noir,” she tried to object.
“Promise me, Marinette, or I’m leaving,” he threatened, the serious expression in his eyes letting her know that he wasn’t kidding.
“I promise, but I’m not going to let it come to that,” she compromised, taking his hand in hers and giving it a squeeze of solidarity. “I’m here for you, so let’s just talk through this so you can calm down, okay?”
He nodded, folding up one leg underneath him so that he could turn to face her. “Ladybug revealed her identity to someone.”
Her eyes flew wide open in shock.
She’d thought they were on the same page about that, that he understood and was happy she had someone to confide in.
“Her best friend, apparently,” he muttered down at their joined hands. “It’s fine. It’s totally fine. She’s been under a tremendous amount of stress, and she was feeling really alone, so it’s not like I begrudge her needing to talk to someone. I’m glad she’s found a way to take some of the burden off because I’ve seriously been worried about her.”
He looked up at Marinette, tears starting to bead in the corners of his eyes. “It just hurts that it’s not me, you know?”
He smiled sadly, and her heart broke a little.
“I’ve tried to be supportive. I’ve tried being there for her, but she said she didn’t want to talk to me,” he chuckled bitterly. “I told her I’d be there for her whenever she needed me, but…”
The factitious smile dropped off his face as he looked back down. “…She didn’t pick me. I don’t know if she just doesn’t trust me like that—I mean, she trusts me with other things. She trusts me blindly when it comes to fighting beside her. I know she trusts me, so I’m really struggling to understand why…”
He swallowed, using his free hand to swipe at nascent tears before they could fall. “…why I wasn’t good enough, why I wasn’t enough for her.”
Marinette’s mouth dropped open, and she floundered for words.
How could he ever think he wasn’t enough?
“I know she’s allowed to have other friends,” he went on, oblivious to Marinette’s struggle to respond. “I have other friends. I have another best friend, even, but…she’s always had a special place. She’s Chat Noir’s best friend, and it just hurts to think that Ladybug doesn’t feel the same way.”
“The problem doesn’t sound like it was you, Chat Noir,” Marinette attempted to explain, but she was still unsure of her footing. “I’m sure it was nothing to do with you, and I’m sure Ladybug appreciated you trying to help, but it sounds like the problem was her civilian life. Chat Noir is Ladybug’s best friend, but it sounded like Ladybug needed her civilian self’s best friend to help with whatever she was going through. If it were a superhero thing, I’m sure you would have been the first person she thought of.”
Chat looked up at her, considering as tears continued to flow down his cheeks. “…Maybe.”
Marinette nodded encouragingly. “Whatever the problem is, it couldn’t possibly be that you’re not enough or not good enough or whatever, Chat Noir. You are an amazing partner and a fantastic friend, and Ladybug is so, so lucky to have you.”
“You think?” he hummed.
“Absolutely,” she assured. “She would never trade you for anyone, not even her best friend. I’m sorry that what she did hurt you, but you have to know how important you are to her.”
She shifted to pull him into her arms, one hand settling on his low back while the other ended up in his hair, gently massaging his scalp.
“You’re irreplaceable,” she whispered and immediately felt the tension leave his body as he melted into her embrace.
“…I’m really angry at her,” he confessed into Marinette’s neck.
She stiffened slightly but kept rubbing his back and petting his hair as she waited for him to say more in his own time.
“I really didn’t mind that she had told her friend because there are times when I really wish I could tell someone,” he mumbled, too exhausted to really feel the heat of his anger. “My life is complicated, and there are times when I feel like I can’t talk to anybody about it either. I understood what she meant when she said she was feeling isolated. I know what it’s like to have to put on a mask out in public and not be able to be the real you.”
“But…you always seem so cheerful and…and fine,” Marinette replied, caught off guard by this revelation. “I never would have guessed that anything ever bothered you or that anything was wrong.”
He chuckled darkly at that, informing her, “Oh, Princess…if you only knew. I’ve been putting on a mask for years, even before I became Chat Noir. Showing emotions is frowned upon in my family unless they’ve been pre-approved. I have a lot of practice smiling and acting cordial when I’d rather be crying or throwing something.”
Her hold on him tightened.
“A little over a year ago, my mother walked out on us, and my father basically shut down in his grief. He wasn’t really a big part of my life before that, but, now, it’s like I’m an orphan,” he admitted in a soft, detached voice, like one telling a story about someone else.
“My father’s assistant has been with us forever, and she’s kind of like a second mother to me, but she’s taken ill recently, so now she’s bedridden, and I don’t see her in person anymore.” He voice went quiet and resigned. “And my father’s very controlling, so I’m not permitted to go out or spend time with friends much, so…I really did understand what Ladybug was talking about when she said she felt alone.”
“Chat Noir…” Marinette whispered, tears building behind her own eyes as she mentally berated herself for completely missing all of it.
“I’m literally alone most of the time,” he continued with an ironic chuckle. “I snuck out of my house tonight, and I’ve been gone for a while now. No one’s going to know I’m missing until morning…if then. I don’t have anything scheduled, so maybe no one will miss me until it’s time to go to school on Monday. That’s how alone I am, Marinette.”
“I’m s-so sorry,” she choked as her tears broke through and spilled over.
She had failed him. She had utterly failed her partner.
“That’s why I’m angry,” Chat kept going, not wanting to stop now that he finally had an opportunity to get all the things he’d never been allowed to say off his chest. “I’m pretty sure that Ladybug at least has a family she can count on, even if she can’t tell them about being Ladybug. She’s made little comments here and there that make me think she’s at least got loving parents. I realize she’s taken on more responsibility recently,” he admitted, trying to be fair, “and it’s overwhelming for her, but I’ve got a lot going on in my civilian life. I have a job, Marinette.”
“A job?” she echoed, floored at everything she was learning about her partner that she couldn’t quite make fit with the image she’d had of him before. “Like…babysitting?”
He shook his head, effectively nuzzling her neck. “No. Like, a professional job that’s very demanding as far as time commitments go. I work, go to school, have a ridiculous amount of extracurriculars, and somehow still manage to be a superhero without letting any of the rest slip, so if Ladybug wants to talk about feeling overwhelmed, I assure you, I get it. My life is exhausting, and my father expects me to do it all perfectly and be the best at everything, so I understand the pressure to succeed she must be feeling. I know it’s not exactly the same, but it’s unfair for her to think I have no frame of reference for what she’s going through.”
“I had no idea,” Marinette replied weakly, feeling dizzy.
She’d completely gotten it wrong. She’d always thought of him as a carefree guy with lax parents and a gaggle of younger siblings he had to herd like kittens. She’d thought that was the extent of his responsibilities, but…
“…And I know what it’s like to have to lie to people who are important to you,” he added softly, exhaustion evident in his voice. “I was trying to get over Ladybug because she told me she just wanted to be friends. I started dating a friend of mine, and I really liked her. I still wasn’t over Ladybug, but I wanted to make things work with this girl because I liked being with her, and her family is like mine, so she kind of got things that didn’t really make sense to my other friends. It was nice feeling like someone cared about me and thought I was enough as I was…”
He snuggled in closer, burying his face in Marinette’s shoulder. “…but I had to lie to her every time I had to run off to be Chat Noir, and I couldn’t explain…. I thought I couldn’t explain, at least, because Ladybug has always had a strict rule against revealing identities…but it turns out that the rules for Ladybug are different from the rules for Chat Noir.”
Marinette gasped as dread started to fill up her stomach.
“Apparently, it’s okay for Ladybug to reveal her identity to people when she feels like she’s drowning and wants to save her relationships,” he muttered resentfully. “But Chat Noir? No. He has to keep treading water because he doesn’t deserve a lifeline.”
“She didn’t mean that.” Marinette finally found her voice to break in and object. “Chat Noir, if Ladybug had known about any of this, she never would have insisted on you keeping your identity a secret. She cares about you so much, and if she had known you were struggling, she never would have left you like that. You deserve help just as much as she does.”
Chat Noir lifted his head to meet Marinette’s gaze. “Really?”
“Yes!” she stressed emphatically. “Yes. Absolutely. I guarantee that Ladybug had no idea how much you were struggling; otherwise, she would have offered to talk and help you the way you’ve been trying to be there for her. You two are partners. She would never tell you to suck it up and deal with it like you seem to think she has. She…she would be here, where I am, if she knew. She’d be holding you and telling you how sorry she is and how bad she feels for letting you down and never realizing and-and utterly failing you. If she knew, she’d be trying to make it better.”
Gradually, a genuine smile stretched across Chat Noir’s lips, and he leaned in to press a kiss to Marinette’s forehead. “Thanks for talking me down, Princess.”
“I’m sorry Ladybug hurt you,” Marinette repeated. “I’m sorry that this was necessary. I’m sorry she didn’t realize that there was something wrong sooner.”
“Yeah,” he sighed, pulling back and taking hold of her hands. “I’m sorry too. Maybe I should have said something, but…I didn’t think it was allowed what with protecting our identities and everything.”
“Trust me,” she laughed softly, ruefully. “I’ve recently learned the hard way that, when you feel like you’re overwhelmed and can’t take any more, you need to speak up. You need to take care of yourself. Everyone deserves to have at least one confidante because it’s impossible to go it alone.”
He began to nod. “Maybe I should talk to Ladybug about this. You’re probably right. Most likely, she has no idea how underwater I feel.”
“Please do,” Marinette urged. “She’d want to know so that she can support you the way you’ve always supported her.”
He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “Okay. All right. I’ll tell her…. Thank you, Marinette.”
“You’re very welcome,” she assured, her face brightening and finally regaining its rosy tint. “…Are you feeling any better now?”
“Yeah. Some. I’m mostly just tired now,” he confessed. “I’m still kind of iffy, but I think you got me through the dangerous part. Things don’t seem quite so bleak and hopeless anymore.”
“Good,” she breathed, wrapping him in a quick hug. “I was so scared, Chaton. I never want anything to happen to you.”
He tugged her back in just as she was moving away and squeezed her tight. “Sorry for scaring you…but thank you for being there and riding that out with me.”
“Thank you for coming to me,” she whispered into his shoulder, feeling utterly humbled. “I’m not sure I deserve your trust.”
He pulled back to meet her eyes as he declared, “You and Ladybug are the two people I trust most in this world. Everyone screws up from time to time, so I’m not saying that you two are perfect, but I know you. I know you’re fundamentally good, and I know I’m in good hands with you.”
He didn’t expect her to tear up like she did, and he was completely taken by surprise when she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.
“You’re too good to me,” she chuckled, shaking her head. “I feel so blessed to have you in my life, Chat Noir.”
“The feeling’s mutual,” he assured through a blush, caught off guard at the swarm of butterflies Marinette set off in his stomach.
She smiled softly, eyes filled with affection as she urged, “Stay a while, will you? I know it’s late, but I’m still worried about you, and I don’t want you to be alone tonight. Stay and watch a movie with me.”
“Okay,” he easily agreed, and they built a pillow fort on her floor where they snuggled as they watched Frozen.
Marinette indulged him by singing along with him.
The next morning, Marinette awoke with Adrien Agreste in her arms and promptly came to a decision that was made one hundred percent by her heart, completely overruling her head.
When Adrien blinked his eyes open, he saw spots.
“Good morning, Chaton,” Ladybug greeted nervously from where she lay half-beneath him on the pillows on Marinette’s floor. “…Are you mad at me?”
He took a deep breath, trying to process what was happening, but he caught a strong whiff of her sweet scent and found his brain completely derailed.
“My feelings are complicated,” he managed. “I’m sure I’ll remember why I was angry later, but, right now, I’m really, really happy…and tired.”
“Okay,” she sighed in relief, slowly threading her fingers through his hair and beginning to rub soothing circles along his scalp. “That’s a good start, I guess. If you need me to apologize again as Ladybug instead of Marinette, please let me know. I really am sorry for completely missing that there was anything wrong and how I responded and…”
She winced. “I screwed up everything. I was too caught up in my own drama that I didn’t even realize that you were drowning too.”
“Shh,” he coaxed, closing his eyes and nuzzling her shoulder. “Just keep petting me. We can talk more later.”
“Okay,” she agreed, dropping her transformation so that she could feel the softness of his hair.
“…But we’re okay?” she couldn’t help but verify.
“Yeah,” he assured. “We’re okay, Buguinette.”
Several minutes passed in serenity before Adrien spoke again.
“…Sooooo,” he purred mischievously. “Since fair’s fair…I get to tell Nino, right?”
Marinette groaned. “Fiiiiiiine. I mean, we’re doomed anyway. I am never going to forgive myself when Papillon learns our identities and uses us against one another and endangers our families and wins because I—”
“—Marinette,” Adrien cut her off, lifting his head to look her in the eye. “Everything’s going to be fine. You’ll see. This is a good thing. Not having secrets between us will only make us stronger. I believe in us. Together, we’re unstoppable, My Lady.”
Strangely enough, Adrien gazing at her with blatant affection overflowing in his eyes, calling her his Lady, and professing blind faith in her as Marinette just like he did when he was Chat Noir and she was Ladybug was enough to take away her doubts.
Maybe this was a good thing.
It certainly felt good not to be so alone anymore.
“Okay,” she agreed, letting go and trusting in their partnership. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe we can do this after all.”
“I’m always right,” he assured with a chuckle and an impish smirk as he set his head back down on her chest like he belonged there.
…Maybe he did belong there.
If she dated Chat Noir, it wouldn’t be a problem when she had to run off to fight akumas…but that was something to think about later. At the moment, the most important thing was repairing the trust between them. Once that was accomplished and they were back on solid ground as partners, maybe then she could broach the subject of romantic feelings with Adrien.
She smiled, closing her eyes and dropping a kiss to the top of his head.
He purred softly in reply.
The
End