Work Text:
Peter was gonna get in trouble.
Usually he had a good perception of what would get him in trouble and what wouldn’t. And an equally good view on what was worth getting in trouble and what wasn’t. There were two spectrums, one for his own fun and one for other people’s good. Either way it was pretty even telling weather it was worth it or not - it usually was always worth it.
But there was one person who could make Peter’s entire statistics on weather things were worth it or not and throw it out the window. He had to recalibrate a lot of things in his life after moving in with the Avengers. He had to also put his morals into question, and tended to be less violent in the wee hours of the night - where he was also cutting back on.
But there was one big factor that put a monkey wrench somewhere in his system and he couldn’t figure out where .
“Peter?” Abby asked, eyes looking up from her homework - or whatever she was working on because she didn’t go to school today.
The tower was loud, which is something Peter had to get used to. Not like the New York loud, but like the family home general chaos and shenanigans loud. A type of loud that Peter couldn’t just observe but was actively a part of. The thing was, he didn’t know how to be a part of it. From Wanda cooking to Clint’s pranks to Bucky and Sam’s frenemy act. Everyone had a relationship with layers with each other, from Natasha to Pepper and even Harley - they all had a solid foundation and complicated histories. Peter had a rocky foundation and a history so complicated they didn’t even know where to begin. He had gotten better, but it still was a new thing.
The only other person who could relate was Abby, and that’s because she had no history and was overly shy and quiet - despite the Avengers best efforts to make her come out of her shell. And it’s not like they didn’t want to be a part of their chaotic dysfunctional, kinda family; they just didn’t know how .
And it got overwhelming sometimes. So overwhelming that Peter just jumped out a window to do an unplanned patrol or chill at Ned or MJ’s or pick up a dead shift at Sister Margrets or just generally bother vigilantes at their day jobs. Abby didn’t get to do that but she did have a reprieve. She sometimes liked to work in the quiet of his room, everywhere was too loud, too much . He gave her a sanctuary and made sure no one knew where she was. Generally this freaked Tony and Harley out a bit -and at first Pepper, but Peter tended to text her that Abby was with him, or she’d ask Peter when she couldn’t find the girl and he’d tell her and if Pepper wasn’t freaking out neither was Tony or Harley.
It seemed a little different this time though, cuz he had found her when he came up from lab at lunch and she was supposed to be in school - he definitely saw her leave the tower with Harley and Happy. And instead of ratting on her like a mature person would do, he just texted Stark that he had a case to follow up on - which wasn’t totally a lie, he is working a case that just wasn’t the main reason he cut his lab time off early.
“Yeah?” Peter said casually, not looking at her because she didn’t want that - never wanted that when she got like this.
“Do you have bad days?” she asked quietly, the question was somewhat off putting. Definitely took him by surprise. She doesn’t usually talk when she wanted quiet - and Peter’s room was sound proof.
“Y-Yeah.” he finally answered, shifting his eyes away so that she was out of his peripheral vision, zeroing in on the screen in front of him with the letters that suddenly had no meaning. Feeling the stare from those big brown innocent eyes boring into his back. He didn’t want to get into it, because a.) his bad days were messed up and b.) he didn’t even know how to describe them. Bad days cam in many forms for Peter: punching criminals until the red clears from his vision, hiding in places where he wants no one to find him, dissociation and just wandering around, letting his thoughts run rampant, the world fading away. Most of those were triggered for no reason - which was annoying as fuck, especially when someone caught him and tried to help (which he appreciated but sometimes he just wanted to just let it happen and not bottle it up. Just be angry or dissociate in peace, you know?). None of these were healthy and not something that he wanted Abby thinking was okay. Instead he slowly got up and sat down across to her, not touching her and leaving the coffee table and 5th grade school work between them. Still not looking at her ”Is that what today is?” he asked quietly, forcing his eyes on her averted ones - not matter how much he wanted to look away. She bit her lip and hesitantly nodded. “That’s okay.” he said gently, she hunched more into herself “Do you want Harley? Or Pepper?” he knew she and Tony were working on a relationship, but that still was being workshopped, not quite where he could be trusted to help her on days like these, so he was left out of the options.
“I came to you .” she said quietly, hunching in her shoulders. Oh. How was he supposed to take that ? She never said stuff like that outloud - it was always just implied. But she said it outloud so what did it mean?
Was he overthinking this? Okay, calm down jeez, don’t spiral focus.
“But you don’t come to me on bad days.” he said as a fact, no judgment or disappointment. It’s just how it was. Abby simply only came to him when she wanted quiet for a little bit. Why was this time any different?
“It’s... different this time.” it sounded like a confession. Was he like reading his mind or something? He didn’t think he said that outloud, but he has been wrong about that before.
“How?” he tilted his head, a bit. He’d wait her out, she needed time to collect her thoughts, piece them together. Looks like something triggered a bad day, and it wasn’t just a random one - which Peter could help with.
“My teacher…” she started quietly, Peter bristled. That was never good. “She called on me to answer a question today… and I-” she bit her lip.Peter relaxed a little bit, okay so it wasn’t a drastic extreme - but it was still bad enough to trigger something. Maybe a tolerable day under certain circumstances being pushed into a bad day by a small thing, yeah those were tricky...and annoying because you couldn’t account for every single person to be understanding.
“You couldn’t do it?” he asked and she nodded. She wasn’t dumb, she just couldn’t speak. Peter got like that sometimes when he was still in school, MJ or Ned always covered for him - even Gwen and Harry sometimes when they were around and didn’t fully understand- but in the classes they weren’t in it was humiliating and made everything worse and he’d just leave because he couldn’t handle it. One of his friends would pick up the work he missed if he remembered to ask, usually they’d do it anyway. Did Abby have friends at school? No, that was a problem for a different day. “That’s okay, did your teacher get mad?” he asked quietly, trying to get a clear picture of what he was dealing with - and if he needed to... talk to someone. She shook her head mutley.
“She asked if I needed a break.” she said “She walked me out and we were alone in the hall and….” she trailed off. Okay, so the drastic extreme was back on the table - Peter’s entire body went into high alert, but the look on Abby’s face when she said it. A look of guilt and embarrassment and a little shame. She wasn’t panicking or anything; she was resigned but not hunched in or defensive of herself, like when he had first met her and how she got after a particularly graphic nightmare. Peter’s shoulder untensed at what her body language was implying
“You ran.” he didn’t guess and Abby clenched her hands confirming his theory. The teacher didn’t do anything, it just got too much and Abby was confused. She was guilty that she just ran from her teacher with no explanation - even when the teacher was doing the right thing and got her out of the classroom before she could freak out. It was scary, because even when people try to help and there is no reason for it, the bad day still comes and consumes. It was scary for Peter and he was a superhero, Abby was just a traumatized 11 year old kid . So of course she was scared. Peter sighed.
“The bell rang, for lunch and we switched classes and I left.” she said, so she did run. “She’s an adult.” Abby whispered.
Ah. so that was the problem.
“You didn’t feel safe.” Peter concluded.
“But I was.” Abby insisted petulant. Because against all logic, and even if she knew she was safe she didn’t feel safe. She had to understand that it was okay to be afraid, even if there was nothing to be afraid of. In the back of his mind he thought that was something that therapy helps with but in Peter’s case he came to lean on his Spider Sense instead - Abby did not have spider sense, and Peter didn’t think he was properly qualified or even in the right to recommend therapy, that would be hypocritical.
“Doesn’t matter if you were.” Peter shrugged “You didn’t feel safe and you ran and that’s okay .” Peter said strongly, he needed Abby to know this. Mostly because it would be said by every other person in this tower too “It’s okay to be scared, it’s okay to have bad days.” he reassured and her entire tiny frame slumped in resignation. It was a sucky fate, but hey she wasn’t in terrible company.
Right?
“Do you run when you’re scared?” she asked. Yes. She huffed out a laugh “That’s a stupid question you’re Spiderman. You don’t run.” she said self loathingly. That’s not true. “You’re a superhero.” she whispered. He’s been running his whole life. Spider-man was just the way he did it.
“Well that’s not the term I’d use.” Peter said automatically then winced. He looked to his lap and bit his lip. She looked up to him, he didn’t know if telling her that he ran away more than any person she knew. He ran from the tower, the Avengers, his friends, the army, HYDRA, SHIELD, Wade, Matt, the vigilantes. He ran from all of them at some point, hid from them. He ran the same from every single one of them. “I ran away… a lot of times.” he said and Abby looked up shocked. He couldn’t look her in the eyes.
He knew kids looked up to Spiderman, but he’s never met them for more than a moment. He’d rather be their myths and fantasies than meet them and make them be disappointed in their supposed idol. His life, his existence was nothing to idolize.
“From who?” she said surprised.
“From my friends, from here, from my parents, from Wade and Matt and my Aunt and Uncle, Fury, Tony, Harley. I ran away from all of them at some point.” he admitted truthfully.
“But you came back,” she concluded with the seriousness only a child could have. He looked at her with slightly wide eyes and nodded.
“Like you will go back to school when you’re ready.” he found himself saying without thinking too much about it. She looked away nervously.
“I don’t think I’m ready.” she said to the paper she was writing on.
“That’s okay, you will be.” Peter waved off. That, he was sure of.
“How do you know?” she almost spat out, it was more like begging to know. He smiled gently at her pleading eyes, and put his hand on her head, to which she had wide eyes to in surprise but didn’t pull away.
“Because you’re strong.”
OoOoO
Her phone pinged at 2:42am.
She blinked out of her light sleep rolled over to face away from her partner (they had just recently started to sleep in the same bed this week. Their relationship was still a little stilted and awkward - barring Peter, they would’ve just suppressed what they were thinking and feeling and not even attempt to acknowledge what happened. Bucky wouldn’t even attempt remembering - wouldn’t even know to remember - if Natasha hadn’t said something. And just because Petya was finally found and living with them, didn’t mean that it would instantly make them madly in love with each other again. Not that they ever really were in the first place, not really. But that didn’t mean there were no feelings between them. They just weren’t the feelings kind of people.) and flipped up the phone to see the user ID, the soft glow of the screen temporarily blinding her.
Peter Parker
“Where?” She asked after she picked up immediately, going on high alert. Not wanting to give anything away by saying names but usually Spider-Man masked his user ID when he called anyway. That wasif Peter was on patrol, he had come back from patrol earlier, before they went to sleep. Meaning that he was either somewhere in the tower, but didn’t wanna move or in trouble somewhere in the city.
“ Target .” A raspy voice crackled through the phone static, it sounded hoarse and quiet on the other end of the line besides the distant sound of late night grocery store music “ on 103rd, isle 9 .” he paused, and then hung up. He knew she was coming and she slipped out of bed without waking her kinda-partner - he was kinda cute when he slept, a tiny bit of drool coming out of the corner of his mouth.
It took her 2 minutes and 13 seconds to get to the garage where her motorcycle was parked and 17 minutes and 42 seconds to make the usual 30 minute ride to the 24 hour Target where her son was holed up. She killed the engine and briskly walked into the Target, not giving anything away. There wasn’t any sign of a hold up or break in - though she doubts that he would call her even if he was in a situation like that.
She slid through the isles and if anyone wondered why the Black Widow was in a Target at 3:00am then no one voiced it. No one really cared because it was New York at 3am. The tourists were asleep and the only people loitering around were too drugged up to notice or too sleep deprived to care.
She found her son huddled up inside a hollow area in the shelves squished in between the cheez its and cookies where he made a little nook for himself. He was hiding his face in the large hood and wasn’t wearing Spider-Man gear; he just looked like another homeless kid in his ratty oversized clothing as usual looking for shelter or a safe place to sleep - she didn’t want to think that maybe a similar situation has happened before, even if it probably has.
She stood in front of him, letting her boots make noise the last few steps to alert him, she crouched down to his level to meet his eyes and shifted a little to meet her gaze with his blood shot eyes with bags under them and pale face. He was shaking and looked like he’d either throw up or faint and his hoodie was pulled up over messy hair, making him look like he was going through some midlife crisis - at 16 - or a really bad divorce. Natasha held out a hand which he took and helped him gently out of the cranny. He kept his head down, hand squeezing her’s with just enough force for it not to crush her - so he was mildly aware. She grabbed a box of Chips Ahoy while strutting through in confidence, as Peter shuffled behind her, looking like he didn’t want to be seen - even if no one was paying attention still. She never let go of his hand.
He whimpered a little when they got to the parking lot and saw the bike, and suddenly Natasha wished she had a car so he wouldn’t feel as exposed on her motorcycle. He climbed on after her and hugged her tightly, burying his head into her back, and she didn’t have it in her to tell him to put on a helmet - she knew that was probably bad parenting, but he had super powers.
It was a bad day.
OoOoO
He expected to get punched today, like everyday.
Imagine his disappointment when instead of getting punched he got verbally assaulted . Ugh, and he was doing a very questionably safe experiment too. Jeez, nothing in his life is ever timed right.
“You knew?!” The question didn’t come out like a question, but a bold accusation.
“I know a lot of things.” he said, pouring a very lethal chemical into a beaker. Seriously, couldn’t Harley wait to pick a fight about his sister until after he was done dealing with harmful agents?
“About Abby , smartass.” Harley snarled out at him, tone biting. Peter didn’t pay any mind to him, just Harley being overprotective as per usual. He did that with his sister a lot. Peter didn’t often like getting in between them, but it’s not like he’d deny a child help - especially Abby because he's grown fond of him or whatever. It’s not a big deal.
“Ah.” Peter said disinterestedly, as if just remembering “In that regard:Yes, I did know.” he gave a quick smile to Harley, who seethed a bit more - Peter snickered internally at his mounting irritation. But it wasn’t a big deal, or else Tony would be chewing him out - or Pepper . And he had already apologized and explained to them, he didn’t really feel like explaining to Harley again too. And he had a feeling that Harley wouldn’t listen anyway. Looks like he wasn't the only one keeping things from Harley about Abby.
“And you didn’t say anything?!” Harley demanded. And Peter wanted to roll his eyes at the hypocrisy of this entire situation.
“Nope.” not to you, at least. Peter chriped, popping his ‘p’. Making less of a big deal - which it wasn’t even that big of a deal in the first place, Harley was just blowing this out of proportion - usually only served to amend the situation or piss people off more. More often than not the latter.
“You know Tony was worried sick, so was Pepper and when I found out she was missing so was I!” Harley made a wide angry gesture, Peter winced. Yeah, getting the call that his sister was missing again...he didn’t think about that. Or the thoughts about his sister running through his head of how his sister could be kidnapped and potentially trafficked again . But before Peter could open his mouth to apologize Harley cut him off with a nervous ramble. “We looked everywhere . We had your parents on the case and even they didn’t know!” Oh...yeah… “The only reason we hadn’t called you is because your phone was turned off and you went dark!” Peter winced. Okay, yeah he might’ve not handled this situation with as much finesse as he had originally thought. And Natasha? She did not like not knowing things, especially when it came to the safety and security of people she considered family. While she knows Peter can take care of himself and has the ability to go dark, Abby does not and the fact that they both went dark didn’t set up any happy scenarios - none that implied that they were safe.
“She was safe.” Peter tried to reason, his voice a little hoarse. He didn’t think that hiding Abby would put so many people in a panic. A justified panic too. He didn’t really think about anyone other than Abby, not how the others would take it. But he couldn’t really explain that part to Harley, that would be even more insensitive than what he already had done.
“ We didn’t know that!” And Peter knew that, but he didn’t appreciate Harley yelling about it to him. Tony and Pepper didn’t yell at him, neither did Natasha. So why was Harley yelling at him? He already understood, although it took him a while.
“Feels like you’re overcompensating.” Peter managed to say with confidence, hating how his voice cracked a little.Harley took a deep breath in response. Oh jeez.
“You’re insufferable .” he threw his hands up, letting out a breathe as he collapsed into a nearby beanbag. “Why did she come to you ?” he asked more to himself. And oh . That’s why Harley actually reacted after he found out what happened. Because Harley was her big brother and she had gone to Peter , and everyone was fine with it ; they didn’t even question it. But Peter wasn’t Abby’s brother, he had just been the one to bring her home - and then help with recovery and although he was a part of their mismatched family now, that didn’t change the fact that Harley still was her real older brother.
“She needed to feel safe.” Peter said absently, almost dazedly. He was sorry but sorry wasn’t gonna take back what he did. Sorry didn’t reverse time and whack him over the head to make him at least tell someone that Abby was okay - someone actually responsible for her. Sorry didn’t get Abby to go to Harley - her actual big brother - and not him when she had an issue like this. And sorry didn’t stop the whirling emotions of guilt and anger that swirled inside him because it’s not like just because Harley was her big brother doesn’t mean he couldn’t help either - he likes helping Abby, just maybe not at the expense of the rest of her family feeling inept.
“She doesn’t feel safe with me.” Harley withered. The guilt trumped the anger in this case, and Peter didn’t know what to say. Because he wasn’t going to apologize for something he didn’t regret and most certainly would do again if needed - he just might add a few steps like inform Pepper where Abby was so she didn’t go tearing the city apart for her adopted daughter.
“I never said that.” Peter finally settled on, feeling awkward and out of place. Harley just looked so defeated, like he had lost something precious. And he probably had. And it was probably hitting him all at once now.
“You didn’t have to.” Harley grumbled slumping further into the couch like he wanted it to swallow him whole. Peter sighed, he as already sick of this little pity party, but he supposed that pity parties usually last longer than a few hours… he didn’t know.
“It’s a different kind of safe.” Peter admitted, the kind of safe he couldn’t describe. The kind of safe that Wade made him feel and Natasha and Bucky didn’t, even though they should . Abby was 11, and Peter could relate to her more, but he could also see it from Harley and Tony’s point of view - because even though they said that going to anyone makes her feel comfortable was okay, as long as she feels safe it didn’t mean it didn’t sting when she actually went to someone that wasn’t them, the people she was supposed to go to for anything and everything she needed or wanted. Emotionally and otherwise.
“How many kinds of safe can there be?” Harley muttered darkly. More than he knows. But Harley needed to understand, so Peter could man up and tell him - even if it was highly uncomfortable
“The kind of safe where you can let your guard down cause you know there is no one to attack you.” He started quietly “The kind of safe where you can just talk about anything and everything or nothing at all and still be okay. The kind of safe that just feels natural and the kind of safe that makes you feel protected. The temporary kind...the permanent kind...” he listed off in a whisper, but enough for Harley to hear, who had gone quiet in contemplation.
“You have a lot of experience, don’t you.” Harley finally settled on and Peter laughed a tad wetly.
“You’d be surprised.” he said, and if the tone was a little watery no one mentioned it. He’d been more of the safe keeper than the feeling, but it’s because of those times that he understands the types of safe that there could be. Some that even he didn’t know about, or think of.
And wasn’t that something to think about.
OoOoO
The ride back to the tower was silent.
When they did get back to their apartment like condo on top of Stark tower, they both sat down on the couch as Kiska lazily made her way over to her companion and flopped down by their feet. He felt Natasha smile a little at the fluffy creature, and couldn’t help a strangled sob. It came out choked, quiet and raspy.
He didn’t say or do anything except let out that sound for a moment before the tears finally leaked out of his eyes, and the situation was officially out of his control.
Because they just didn’t stop.
And his mother - his real mother, not a hallucination of red hair and wrapped himself in a blanket that he pretended was arms - held him close as he cried in a daze, hiccupping small quiet hitched breathes, as if he wasn’t sure what was happening. Cause it still could be, it wasn’t that far off. Long-term hallucinations weren’t completely out of the ballpark for him and it was just so hard to believe still even after all these months. He didn’t know Why he was crying, but he just didn’t care right now. He was too tired to care. And Natasha didn’t care either, and she didn’t need to know - because he didn’t know either.
And yes, this has been coming for a while now. Natasha was just waiting for it to finally happen. She was ready, and that was just… too good to be true. It was gonna end soon, he just knew it.
“You get things done at night.” She said conversationally, quietly. And what did that have to do with anything?
“Y-yeah?” Peter stuttered out confused, he felt like a disoriented puppy after chasing their tail for too long and then said “yeah.” more sturdily. And she heard the slight watery smile that flashed on his face for a second.
“Yeah.” She hummed, not explaining herself.
“This feels weird.” He admitted in a whisper, almost like he was afraid if he called it out it would disappear. It would eventually. It always does .
“How so?” Natasha said as if this wasn’t a problem. As if he wasn’t being unreasonable and stupid and gross - getting tears and sniffles into her soft shirt. As if he hadn’t woken her up in the middle of the night to pick him at goddamned Target .
“No one gave a shit before.” He admitted as if that would make her go away. “I’m not used to it.” he should push her away, drive her off before she did it herself and it hurt more. Puts it on his own terms. But it just felt so nice.
“Hmm.” Natasha hummed encouragingly. And all that stuff, all his stress about the situation was just gone. The impermanence of this moment. Gone... For now.
Because even if it would end soon, he’d enjoy it right now.