Work Text:
Okay. This is definitely not how Izuku thought his week would go.
First, classes 1-A and 1-B go to the summer camp. No big deal. He had expected that. Izuku was a bit bummed he wouldn't get to see All Might for a whole week, but he'll manage.
Second, the camp was literally Hell™. Izuku thought he was gonna die from using OFA so much. Everyone was exhausted all the time. Monoma didn't even try to insult 1-A.
Third, the camp, that was at a secure location, that no one but UA should have been able to access, was attacked. By the fucking League of Jackas-Villains. Villains.
Luckily, Izuku was able to knock out Muscular (So what if Izuku carried around moose tranquilizers, there are villains the size of buildings out there!) and save Kouta with only a scraped knee. After he brought Kouta to Aizawa, he left to tell the Pussycats that the students were all allowed to use their quirks and that Kouta was safe. Then, since they seemed to be having a bit of trouble with the villains, he stayed and helped them take care of them.
While keeping a chick with a giant fucking magnet away from Tiger, Izuku noticed some cheap magician making his way towards Ragdoll. Right when Off-brand Houdini went to touch Ragdoll, Izuku stepped in between them, and everything went dark.
Izuku was released from his weird prison and was immediately knocked out. Great. When Izuku woke up, he was chained to a chair, right next to Kacchan. Kacchan was hissing and growling (Like some kind of wild fucking animal, come one Kacchan! Show some class!) at Shigaraki.
"Let us go you shitty fucking hand job! What the fuck are you gonna do, jerk us off to death?! Wait, don't tell me, you dusted your own dick and now you need us to fuck you in the ass to feel some pleasure?!"
Izuku simply watched and listened as Shigaraki slowly got more and more pissed, and some burnt-ass-motherfucker at the bar with Kurogiri was laughing his tits off.
Shigaraki turned to a TV on the wall and asked,
"Are you sure I can't kill this stupid brat, Sensei?"
"Don't worry Shigaraki," The voice said (It was all fucking squeaky and shit, who the fuck is talking?), "have patience, he will join us in ti-"
"What are you? Some pussy 14 year old?"
Everyone in the bar went silent and turned to Izuku (Except for Kacchan, he was just fucking cackling).
"Well, are you? Your voice is so fucking squeaky. Did you just hit puberty or something?"
Shigaraki put a hand on Izuku's chair and screamed,
"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO SENSEI THAT WAY YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE PRICK, HE IS SUPERIOR TO YOU IN EVERY WAY! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SPEAK TO HIM THAT WAY! YOU SHOULD BE BOWING DOWN TO HIM IN THANKS!"
"Jesus Handy Manny, I was just asking a fucking question. No need to yell in my face. Now please, step back. Your flaky ass skin is getting all over me and it's fucking nasty."
Kurogiri stepped out from behind the bar and walked towards Shigaraki.
"Tomura Shigaraki, please step back from the hostage and calm down."
"SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!"
Kacchan joined in.
"Yeah Cloud Nine, shut up. I wanna see Mr. Handsy get beat up by Deku."
The TV spoke up again,
"Shigaraki, I know our guests are being rude, but there's no need to-"
"Be quiet you son of a bitch! You’re no better than a roach! I just said to shut up because I wanted to see the Crusty-Musty-Man-Child get beat up by Deku! Were you not fucking listening or are you just-"
"Pizza delivery!"
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"Who ordered pizza?"
BOOM!
The next few minutes were a blur for Izuku. He remembers getting out of his chains and escaping with Kacchan, but that was about it. Eventually, while watching All Might fight with All For One (Who happened to be that pre-pubescent sounding guy on the TV from earlier, who would've thought? The reason for the squeaky voice was because of how disfigured he was) with Kacchan and some of his classmates (Where did they come from?), Izuku saw a can of roach spray (Wtf?) and thought of a perfect distraction that would help All Might gain the upper hand.
"Hey Scarface!"
All For One turned away from All Might.
"EAT THIS YOU NASTY-ASS ROACH!!!"
And Izuku sprayed All For One down with roach killer spray.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
And All For One collapsed to the ground, curling in on himself.
Izuku looked at All Might who was just as confused as he was.
"Oops?"