Chapter Text
There were hands holding me down- on each limb, on my neck. Bruising me.
My mother-
She was a blurry image through my tears but I could see her muffled screaming as if I was under water. I could faintly make out my name amidst her screams.
The only sound that was crystal clear to me was the sound of flesh and bone getting sawed in half.
I could hear it as they pressed it against my-
My wings.
They were taking my wings.
Each jolt and thrust was agony. I could feel my wings twitch and beat and fight under their grasp. I tried- I had to… to save them…
But at some point during all the pain- I stopped feeling them. My back was absent of any weight, throbbing and bloody… and lifeless.
I felt a soft brush of air against my ear.
“Astra.”
How dare they.
“Astra. Get up.”
Fuck you.
“Astra. Get up now- or I’ll get Ianthe to wake you.”
-
My violet eyes snapped open.
Even though the room was dark, I could see Elliana’s face peering down at me. She had a hand on my forearm, gently shaking me.
“There we go. I was not looking forward to getting the two faced bitch." She made no mention of my tear stained face, the covers I had kicked off or the sweat coating me. That’s how it always was between us. She didn’t pry, didn’t ask. I didn’t tell her.
I wasn’t allowed to.
“Come on, it’s an hour to sun up and Ianthe wants the garden cleaned up.”
I shuffled out of bed, wiping at my eyes swiftly and throwing an oversized shirt over my light tank top. I followed Elle out of the bunk room, careful to not hit the others still asleep. The room was small but that didn’t stop the Spring Court High Lord from shoving six workers into the same space.
Out in the hall, I yawned, “I thought I finished cleaning up the garden last night.”
“It was a wild winter solstice.”
“Too bad I missed out then.”
I don’t remember the last Winter Solstice I’d attended. Or Starfall, as I grew up calling it. I’d imagine I would have danced all night with-
Stop.
I get a stupid nightmare of that day and suddenly I can’t stop thinking about them.
We stepped out of the manor to the crisp morning air. There were a few other workers milling about and a few guards, standing straight backed and ready. Other than that, the place was calm and serene, not a breeze to disturb the trees. It seemed lifeless to me. It would always be lifeless to me.
The garden, as always, seemed perfect. Opulent, bursting with the colours and scents of spring. Just as I had left it. Not a pebble out of place- but that was never good enough for Ianthe.
I cocked an eyebrow at Elle, “What could she possibly want me to ‘clean’ up?”
Elle gave me a tight smile, “She said the hedges are getting far too out of shape, that they’ve looked ugly since that faerie crushed a section during solstice.” She put a hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently, “You’ve got the morning to fix it, and then by noon she wants you picking roses.”
My eyes and nose crinkled. I hate roses.
I plastered a wide smile on my mouth anyway, “No way! Are those for a certain special wedding in two weeks?”
Elle dropped her hand from my shoulder and lightly snorted, “Be sure to keep your sarcastic little shit personality to a minimum if you happen to see Ianthe today. She said to pick red and white roses.”
With that, Elle turned and left, likely off to nag some other poor workers about their jobs.
My eyes settled on the long hedge, spotting the few odd branches that leached out here or there, and the small divot where some drunk faerie crashed two weeks ago. This would be easy and quick to do with magic. Unfortunately for me, magic hadn’t graced my presence for a long time. A hedge trimmer would have to do.
As I worked, and the sun moved higher in the sky, I could feel lingering eyes on my form. Eyes watching me use tools to do something so simple, eyes catching on the bands of shackles around my ankles and wrists. The one on my neck that could look deceptively like a beautiful choker.
It was nearing noon, and more workers and guards took notice of me as they walked by. I was never typically outside in the open at this time, usually Elle had me working in laundry downstairs or in the kitchen. Away from prying eyes and questions, away from any possible attention the High Lord could give me.
If there was one thing Elle knew about me, it was that I had to stay as far away from him as possible.
I wonder what changed for today. Why did Ianthe want me out in the sun all of a sudden?
Whatever. Like I gave a shit.
Just passed noon, I deemed the hedge fit enough for Ianthe’s criticism and made my way to the gardening supplies closet. We didn’t have much in terms of supplies- most garden workers here had enough magic to do without. Hence just a closet that was attached to the stables.
It was at the entrance of the stables that I heard the tale end of what seemed like an argument.
“Fine,” a female breathed, “Be careful.”
There was a quiet reply, “I love you.”
Then the sound of hooves, and two High Fae emerged. I knew precisely who they were. That had me casting my eyes to the ground, trying to seem as small as possible. Trying to melt into the earth. To be anywhere but here. I was supposed to avoid him for Cauldron sakes.
Tamlin, the High Lord of the Spring Court stopped his trotting horse and sneered, “I thought you were to remain unseen.”
Not a question.
I didn’t dare reply- I couldn’t. My mouth was dry and no words seemed important enough. My eyes stayed trained to the hooves of his horse.
“I’m sure Ianthe has her doing some chore today. This was purely coincidence.”
Lucien.
“Fine, I’ll ask her when we return.” Tamlin ground out through gritted teeth, “If you’re not, then that will be ten at midnight.”
Lashes. Ten lashes for being seen.
They trotted off without another word.
Oh Mother.
Ianthe holding any sway over whether I was getting whipped that night or not was not remotely in my favour.
I quickly dropped off the clippers I had used this morning, and picked up a couple baskets for my next chore. A familiar form of dread clawed at my heart and accompanied me back to the garden. My eyes were downcast and my mouth in a frown my brother used to call my infamous glower that could-
Again. Stop.
I won’t ever see them again so there is no point in reminiscing-
I bumped into someone.
We both stumbled in surprise, I heard them let out a gasp. I was able to balance myself quickly enough to catch their wrist. I looked up.
A mess of pink gauze enveloped her small frame. She seemed fragile and a bit lost for a moment as I tried to steady her. Then- I knew with the ridiculous dress she was wearing and the gaudy jewelry, and the Illyrian tattoo on the wrist that I gripped- I had royally fucked up.
I dropped her wrist as if it had burned me, the swiftness surprising her. I cast my eyes down. “Lady, I am so deeply sorry. I should have watched where I was going.”
Please. Oh Mother, don’t make my ten lashes in twenty.
She was silent for a moment. I contemplated running for it- would she even recognize me later? I could steal one of Elliana’s dresses?
“You’re not dressed like everyone else.”
My eyes snapped up, and instead of disgust and contempt, I saw a glint of curiosity in her gaze. She looked at me as if I was a wonderful reprieve from a world of nothingness.
Like she knew I was a puzzle and deeply needed to piece me together.
I could use this to my advantage.
The biggest fake smile I could muster graced my lips, “Please don’t tell the High Lord about me bumping into you. That would be much appreciated.”
I curtsied quickly and continued on my way to the rose garden, trying to leave our interaction at that. Hopefully she wouldn’t tell him. That was the best I could hope for.
She caught my wrist before I could get away, her hand pausing at the faebane shackle.
“Your eyes-” She paused. Feyre looked down at my shackle and prodded at it slowly, “Are you a prisoner?”
I ripped my arms away again. That tattoo- I didn’t want that tattoo touching me.
“That’s none of your business.”
The ignited fire in her eyes told me I hit a nerve with that one.
“Apparently nothing besides party planning and being the perfect lady is my business.”
It was her tone that had me pausing. I was fully intent on fleeing to the rose garden, I was supposed to be doing a chore right then but-
It was the desperation in her voice, the complete lack of sarcasm. Maybe I really was a reprieve she needed- truly needed.
I could understand that. On some level. Maybe her and I were similar in more ways than I had given thought.
Still.
I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone.
I could give this though- “I’m not allowed to talk to others- only Ianthe and Elliana. And these clothes are the only ones I am allowed.”
Feyre eyed me, taking in my stained shirt and pants. The dirt dusting my cheeks and embedded in my fingernails. I knew I looked like shit- I felt like shit. But it’s always been this way and I’d learned long ago that looks were the least of my worries. Her analyzing of me stopped as her gaze met mine and for a brief moment she furrowed her eyebrows.
“Your eyes-”
“Feyre!”
At the top of the manors stairs stood Ianthe. A wide smile sat on her lips, I could see her eyes gleaming at me from under her hood. To the outsider she looked welcoming, but I knew she was a snake. A gleeful one at that- I was a mouse now caught in her trap.
“I’m sure Astra has work she needs to attend to. We have much to discuss! We only have two weeks before the big day.”
I was scurrying to the garden before Feyre could reply.
Fuck.
Nothing was gonna save me from Tamlin’s wrath tonight.