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“Roman!” Virgil snarled, shakily picking himself up off the ground where he’d painfully fallen off his bed with a startled yelp. How many times did he have to tell Roman off about loud, sudden noises coming from his room?! To be fair, Roman had been doing better at keeping most panic-inducing bursts of noise to the imagination lately. Still, a series of loud, violent crashes did not serve to keep Virgil’s heart rate in a healthy range.
Stomping down the hall to Romans room, Virgil didn’t hesitate before hammering on the door, yelling, “Roman, get out here!”
There was a muffled thump, followed by what sounded like muttered cursing, before Virgil heard hurried footsteps and the door opened just enough to see Roman, but no further.
“Hey Virge, didn’t expect you to drop by! How can I assist?” Roman asked, the obviously fake smile and posture that screamed forced nonchalance doing nothing to calm Virgil's irritation.
“Care to explain Prince Pain in the Neck?” Virgil snapped, glaring daggers and crossing his arms aggressively now that he was no longer attacking Roman’s door.
Fumbling for a response, Roman said with a breathy laugh, “Explain? I’m n-not sure I follow, you’ll have to elaborate…”
Shoving his way past Roman, Virgil laughed sarcastically, “Oh don’t give me that shit, you know exactly what I....” he trailed off, doing a double-take and blinking furiously to process what he was seeing. If he hadn’t known ahead of time what room he was entering, and if Roman hadn’t answered the door, he would have wondered where in the world he was.
Instead of the usual grand four-poster bed and red walls plastered with Disney and Broadway posters, bookshelves full of novels, musical scores, play scripts, and various theatre and pop culture mementos, the room was now shockingly bare. The only thing in the room besides the four currently plain white walls were the demolished remains of a random assortment of countless dishes, vases, and small pieces of furniture Roman appeared to have conjured for the occasion, just to name what Virgil could see at first glance.
“I… what… why...?” Virgil spluttered, turning back to face Roman in time to barely catch the brief look of mortification and horror on Roman’s face, before swiftly slapping that same artificial smile back on.
“Oh, all this? I’m just messing around with a new… workout routine… very experimental...“ Roman chuckled awkwardly, visibly wincing at his own cringy explanation.
Eyebrows raised and clearly unimpressed by the effort, Virgil replied, “Newsflash, I know a rage room when I see one Roman. Not a ‘new’ idea, and I’m also pretty sure they’ve never been classified as an actual workout routine by anyone… ever.”
As Roman twisted the cuffs of his tunic and his eyes flitted nervously around the room, Virgil finally stopped long enough to get an actual look at Roman. Hair a wild disarray, multiple rips in his tunic and pants, hands restlessly moving as Roman apparently fought to figure out what to do with them. Finally, and most alarming of all, the clear evidence of red-rimmed eyes and dried tear tracks.
“W-well, just because someone hasn’t before doesn’t mean they can’t,” Roman rambled, mouth snapping shut when Virgil slowly raised a hand to halt his spiraling. “Roman…” Virgil said, all anger instantly evaporating as he took a few slow steps towards the Creative Side. “There’s nothing wrong with venting in a healthy way, it’s definitely better than bottling up your frustrations and ignoring them.” Pausing long enough for Roman to process that, Virgil added, “But it probably helps more if you also… you know… talk about it or whatever, once you’ve got the initial frustration out.”
When Roman just stood there frozen, Virgil began to fidget uneasily before mumbling, “I mean… never mind. Too invasive, I get it, I’ll just…” quickly shuffling back towards the door before hearing a quiet, almost broken, “Wait…”
With a shuddering breath, Roman said, “Would… you mind? Talking? It’s just that I don’t think Logan would get it, and Patton’s optimism is great if I wanted comfort but not so much for venting, you know what I mean? But if not it’s fine…”
“Roman!” Virgil said firmly, once again bringing an end to Romans word vomit. “Yeah, I mean whatever helps. Can’t promise I’ll be especially helpful, so set the bar insanely low, but if that works for you be my guest,” Virgil shrugged, earning a soft snicker from Roman before they both found random pieces of debris that were still in tact enough to serve as makeshift seating.
Silently waiting for Roman to begin, Virgil was almost to the point of wondering if Roman was actually going to follow through when Roman said, “Do you ever feel like… you’re just not… getting anywhere? Like you’re just… stuck?”
Frowning in confusion, Virgil said, “I guess I never thought about it? The unknown is still a big red flag for me, so I don’t exactly fight staying in the familiar bubble of normalcy.”
“Right…” Roman nodded in understanding, thought that didn’t stop his shoulders from slumping a little in disappointment, “I know we vary in our views on these things, but forging ahead? Always striving for the next goal, the next dream? It’s all I know how to do.”
“Nothings wrong with that. That’s your whole thing, and though I’ll deny this if you breathe a word of it to anyone, you do it well,” Virgil said sincerely.
“...Do I?” Roman muttered, wrapping his arms around his legs and staring blankly at the floor.
Staring in shock, Virgil said, “Seriously? Who just spent an eternity pushing Thomas to talk to a cute guy, ending in Thomas having a pretty amazing boyfriend? You’ve been gushing about if for weeks now, you even got me on board for once! That’s no small feat.”
“Why do you think I needed that so badly?!” Roman exclaimed, voice breaking, “Nico is the only thing that’s been keeping me going right now. I almost gave up, would have given up if you hadn’t changed your mind and decided to back me up! I… I couldn’t take one more loss.. Not like...”
Roman couldn’t finish, not that he needed to. Not like the callback. A major breakthrough for Roman, something he’d been over the moon about in a way he’d rarely been about anything. Then giving it up, all to realize it had barely made a difference. Virgil had even heard Roman muttering to himself in frustration after Lee and Mary Lee had shown up to the house, still wondering if they would have been happy or guilty Thomas had come if they’d known how much it had cost him.
“There will be other chances Roman,” Virgil said encouragingly, “And we still got further than we ever expected thanks to YouTube right? That’s not nothing.”
“I know that,” Roman ground out in frustration, “Our fans and the work we’ve done mean the world to me, that’s never gonna change. It still blows my mind just as much as Thomas’ what an incredible following we have and all of the incredible stories we’ve been able to tell. But just because we’ve achieved one incredible dream doesn’t mean I can just… let go of all of the other dreams we’ve all been working so hard for.”
“No one said you had to…” Virgil tried to cut in, but Roman wasn’t having it, voice rising and becoming more frantic and desperate.
“They don’t have to, they say it perfectly clearly without coming out and saying the words! I feel like… every time I fail, every time I work so hard only to fall short, all I hear is how lucky I am for how much I already have. That doesn’t help! Invalidating how crushed I feel, just because things could be worse doesn’t make losing something I wanted so badly hurt any less!”
Once Roman finally lost steam, Virgil asked, “Roman… where’s this coming from? I hope you haven’t been bottling this up since the wedding!”
Sighing wearily, Roman said reluctantly, “Guess you’ll know soon enough. You’ve probably gathered that things in the acting job department have been… lacking…” Roman flinched before continuing, “Honestly? That callback was the biggest step forward we’ve had in a while. Things were slow before that, but more recently… they’re non-existent! Way fewer leads to new auditions then we usually get, and the ones we’ve been getting? Not a single callback, and that’s if we even hear back and get a first audition at all,” Roman whispered brokenly.
“Why do you think I go into panic attacks every time we walk into a stupid audition?” Virgil said, trying for an air of light teasing to lift the mood that didn’t seem to be very effective given Roman’s deepening scowl.
“That’s not the point! We’re doing everything we should be doing! We’re auditioning for any show we can fit in that comes up, we’ve taken small roles in shows we didn’t care much for to try to get our names out there and make more connections, we’ve been working hard to stay in the best physical shape we can to keep up with the demands of a show,” Voice breaking, tears finally flowing freely, Roman choked out, “ Why isn’t it good enough? When will it be good enough? What else am I supposed to do ?!”
As Roman finally broke down into sobs, at first Virgil could do little more than stare in shock, gut twisting at seeing Roman so broken. How long had this been going on? How had none of them realized how long it had been since Roman had felt over the moon about an accomplishment he could claim as all his own?
“Roman,” Virgil whispered, gently wrapping his arms around the shaking side and ignoring how Roman reflexively shrunk in on himself at the initial touch before finally relaxing into the embrace, tears flowing even more freely. “I know dealing with these kinds of disappointments isn’t the same for me as it is for you, believe me I get that. We all have our own purposes, our own priorities when it comes to taking care of Thomas. You’re the only one who’s allowed any say in how you should be reacting right now, because you’re the only one who knows how much all of the things you want mean to you. You’re allowed to feel crushed, you’re allowed to grieve.”
Roman’s sobs had finally quieted into sniffles, though he still clung to the front of Virgil’s hoodie like a lifeline.
“Most of all,” Virgil continued, gaining strength and force in his words as he pictures his reassurances wrapping themselves around the duo like a security blanket, “You said it’s wrong for you to feel like you should have to let go of bigger dreams just because you already have so much. I say you’re damn right! Do you know why?”
After a small, furtive shake of the head from the other, Virgil continued, “Because you’re so much more than the roles you get us, or the hearts you help Thomas win. You’re possibility . You help Thomas believe things can get better, that he can achieve more, that there’s always something out there that’s worth it to keep going for. How could anyone keep struggling through every shitty thing life throws at them without that hope?” Finally, lifting Romans chin and looking him dead in the eye, Virgil finished fiercely, “Don’t you ever think it's wrong to keep fighting for what you want. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise, not even me. Can’t promise I won’t still occasionally panic at your more… eccentric ideas…” Virgil smirked, a weight leaving his shoulders and breathing a sigh of relief as he heard the first genuine chuckle Roman had given him since he’d entered the room. “But I’m gonna promise to try to do better, to hear you and make what you need more of a priority.”
Frowning a little and shaking his head, Roman said, “I’m… not sure that’s entirely what I need, from you or the others. I know it can’t always be about what I want, that sometimes I need a dose of reality to reign me into being realistic sometimes. Just knowing that you care, that you get where I’m coming from and want to make sure things get better in a reasonable way.... It already helps.” Flinching nervously, he said, “I probably need to say all this to the others too, huh?”
“Probably,” Virgil nodded, squeezing Roman’s shoulders comfortingly, “On your own time though, only when you’re ready.”
As reality finally caught up to him, it took Virgil about half a second to turn humorously red when he realized they were still messily tangled together from Virgil comforting him. If Virgil’s reaction was humorous, Romans was downright hysterical, both of them awkwardly detaching themselves from each other. Words apparently were no longer a thing at the moment as Roman awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and Virgil self consciously messed with the sleeves of his hoodie.
“Gotta admit, pretty sure I didn’t have ‘mental breakdown’ in my schedule for today,” Roman chuckled, earning a snort from Virgil.
“Oh please, that would imply you had a schedule to begin with, and I think we both know better,” Virgil smirked, earning an offended scoff from Roman.
“How would you know? Maybe Logan’s lectures about time management finally stuck.”
One eyebrow raising dubiously, Virgil asked, “Did they?”
“...No....”
That was the final break in the tension needed, both Sides bursting out laughing so hard their stomach started aching.
When they could both get their breathing under control, Virgil said, “Not to ditch you or anything, but I probably need to recharge if I’m gonna handle more social interaction when Patton makes us come down to dinner,” heading to the door, Virgil gave Romans arm a light, affectionate punch before saying, “Don’t think I’m gonna let you off the hook. I’ll pester you with no mercy if you try to dodge talking to the others.”
Smiling fondly, Roman instinctively grabbed one more hug, Virgil stiffening in surprise but quickly relaxing into the embrace as he heard Roman murmur, “Don’t pretend that’s a threat. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”