Chapter Text
alex will never stop being thankful for the time he has with willie. they’ve spent so many mornings and evenings together, time that he never thought he’d spend.
time that they have to make the most of, for whatever time they have left. his face is tucked into the crook of willie’s neck, it’s rare for alex to let them hold him like this, but willie insisted.
willie is pressing soft kisses onto alex’s forehead, and it can’t be comfortable, but alex isn’t about to argue.
alex is being held with such love, he feels like crying, or melting, or both. he slides up, just slightly, and kisses the underside of willie’s jaw.
willie giggles, “what was that for, hot dog?”
“i felt like it,” alex says with a smirk.
“if you feel like it again, go for it, i’m not mad,” willie responds, and alex kisses him, softly.
willie smiles at him, that overly sweet smile and eyes that are practically hearts, and alex is smothered in thankful.
“i love you,” alex says, and intertwines their hands. willie gives him a comforting squeeze.
his face knots up, for nearly a minute willie is grimacing, but the expression dispels soon after.
“will,” alex starts, but willie shushes him.
“it’s okay ‘lex,” he says, “i’m fine.”
“are you though?” alex asks, “the shocks keep getting worse, and-“
“alex, i know this is scary, but i’m holding on as tight as i can, okay? i know we didn’t want this to happen, but i’ll stay as long as i can.”
alex doesn’t say anything, doesn’t know what to say, so he tucks his face back into willie’s neck, and wraps his arms around them.
the shock hits them again, and again, and again, until the grimace doesn’t disappear from willie’s face, he’s too worried about bracing for the next one.
“willie-“ alex starts.
“i’m okay.” willie says, but alex continues.
“i love you. i love you so much. i’m so happy that i got to spend this time with you. so happy that you pancaked me on a street and let me talk to you. when you took me to that museum, let me hold your hand, and screamed with me. all those times i thought we were about to be separated made me so thankful for moments like this.”
“i care about you, i love you so much, and i will never stop loving you, speed bump.” alex continues, “i wish i could hold you longer.”
alex is in tears, and so is willie, but neither of them care.
he gives willie another kiss, gently, and willie kisses back. it feels final, but that’s out of alex’s control.
willie is continually hit by the jolts, and alex, bitterly, imagines caleb somewhere, probably enjoying the pain he’s causing.
the two of them lay there for a while, like everything is fine, like ray is going to call them both into the house for dinner, and they’ll go eat as a family.
like julie, luke, reggie, and flynn didn’t say goodbye to willie this morning and intentionally give alex and willie the rest of the day to say goodbye to each other.
willie didn’t want alex near him for the ultimate goodbye, where willie disappears for good, but alex couldn’t leave them alone like that.
he deserves so much more, but alex doesn’t know how to give that, can’t buy him any more time. so he holds his boyfriend a little bit tighter.
alex can’t tell which thing actually happens, the jolts getting more painful, or closer together, maybe both.
all he knows is that willie is drifting away right in front of him.
their face scrunches up, and alex caresses his jaw.
“i love you, so, so, so much willie.”
they’re both crying, still. harder than they were before. alex figures it probably isn’t helping with the pain of the jolts, but what other response would they have?
willie is working up the strength to speak, alex can tell, he can tell because in the short time they got to know each other, he had the privilege of learning everything about willie. alex gives them a small smile, encouraging him to speak.
“i’m gonna miss you, alex. and i know there’s no use in saying it, but i wish we had more time, i love you.”
alex nods, and another jolt hits willie. this one is stronger than the others, and they both know it’s the end.
he sits up, and willie lays against his chest. alex can practically feel what’s hurting him, and the worst part is, he can’t do anything to make it better.
against his will, a plead to the universe slips past alex’s lips.
“don’t leave me yet.” he says
but the shocks are too close together for willie to respond.
in the moment of clarity he gets, willie speaks.
“i’ll see you around, hot dog.” they say with a sad smile.
he squeezes willie’s hand one more time, and then they’re gone.
willie left some of his clothes folded on the coffee table, for alex to keep, along with a variety of his jewelry, and alex holds the white sweater close to him.
it still carries what’s left of willie, the smell of a shampoo that alex is sure went out of production thirty years ago.
if alex focuses, he can still feel the imprint of kisses on his forehead, an arm around his waist, a cheek leaning against his shoulder.
he slips a few of willie’s rings on, and it feels, almost, like he still has a hand in his.
if alex concentrates hard enough, he can keep willie’s “i love you” on repeat in his head.
it’s not long before julie, flynn, and his boys enter the studio, they wrap their arms around alex as he sobs. the rest of them are crying quietly, already missing someone who just left.
julie tells him that willie left recordings on her phone, messages for alex after he left, but alex can’t handle that right now. it’s too fresh.
alex doesn’t know he’ll move forward, but he does know, as it weighs on his heart, he’ll never forget his first ghost.