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Kai was never really good with people.
Even before the whole shebang of his father locking him up and him retaliating by killing almost all of his siblings except those pesky blond twins and his annoying twin Jo for revenge, he was always quiet. Granted, maybe because he spent- correction, was still spending his life in isolation in a perpetually timeless 1994 prison world, unable to age a day beyond 22. He should have thanked his dad by shoving a knife through his heart.
Well, on the bright side, he got to live this gorgeous face for the rest of however long he was trapped in this hellhole. On the flip side however, there wasn’t anybody to actually fawn over his handsomeness. So that was a bummer.
It wasn’t like Kai was completely unfamiliar with social customs. He understood the need for company, as humans were primarily social creatures who thrived off each other’s assurance and safety in flocks. Pathetic, really.
But that being said, he couldn’t help but freak out as his almost lifeless siphoner senses detected the presence of people for the first time in…eighteen years?
He followed a faint magical trace emanated by one of the two, until he found them, wandering around the streets.
His trespassers were male and female, with the male looking as if being of Caucasian descent while the female looked to be of African descent and the one emitting the faint trace of Bennett magic.
But damn, she could trespass on him anyday…was that socially acceptable to say to a person?
God, would he even confront them? Just pop up behind the fucking bushes and go, Hello, I’m Kai, and I’m in here because I killed my siblings. What are you guys here for? I hear arson’s a crime now…or was back in the 1980’s. By the way, could I have a tiny bit of your blood, beautiful melanin goddess? I just want to get back to the modern world to kill the rest of my siblings and my dad and become the all powerful leader of the Gemini Coven.
Somehow, he didn’t think that would sit well with the duo, who now stood bickering on the porch of a house.
“Rude, Bon-Bon.” The man scowled, while the woman in question smirked at him.
And so began his observation of the duo. He learn that their names were Bonnie and Damon, Damon was a vampire, Bonnie was a Bennett witch whose powers were buried, that Bonnie pretended to hate pancakes but secretly enjoyed them and that she loved to bicker with Damon, that Bonnie loved to skate around the hallways of the Salvatore Boarding House in her socks, and couldn’t hold her bourbon much to the amusement of the irrelevant vampire-
Okay, yeah, he might have grown an unusual attachment to the witch who didn’t even know that he existed. More so, Kai was fully convinced that the man was completely useless. Wasn’t he a vampire? How on earth did he not notice him practically following Bonnie’s every move?
And oh god, the fights.
They fought over breakfast. Fought over music choices, chores, Bonnie’s inability to do magic, Pretty Boy Vamp’s constant moping about Elaine or whoever that was, over Monopoly, and a list of other mind numbing things that made his brain almost short-circuit.
But the one thing he noticed was that the two never stayed away from each other for too long. Sometimes, Bonnie would storm off to Sheila Bennett’s house to spend the night, or Damon would stalk off into the quiet of the night. Kai didn’t bother enough to follow him to wherever he went.
But in the mornings, either Angsty Vamp™ would whip up a batch of pancakes an apology, or Bonster would skulk outside the library with a bottle of his favourite bourbon in an effort to lure him out.
And just like that, they went back to their age old we-have so-much-sexual-tension-between-us-but-we’re-not-gonna-act-on-it banter. Kai was more than fine with that arrangement, seeing how he had grown alarmingly attached to the Bennett witch.
Three months passed that way, with Kai practically stalking the two and observing their everyday behaviour.
He learnt that Monday nights were reserved for board games. Friday nights were for Bourbon Binges. Saturday nights were for truth or dare. Sunday mornings were for grocery shopping.
And that’s where he was gonna make his first move. Or second, since the vampire was adamant in turning down Bon-Bon’s insistence that there was someone else there.
How much of a clearer clue should he have left, huh? He practically scribbled the answer to 27 that Bonnie had been struggling over since three freaking months. He might as well have practically jumped out from his hiding place with a board saying I’m Kai, and I’ve been stalking you two. Would you like some pork rinds?
Anyways, he had it all set up for Sunday morning. He had timed the carousel, parked the bloodsucker’s very nice Camaro in the parking lot, poured 5 drops of vervain in every single bourbon bottle in the fucking store and positioned himself behind a bulky monitor displaying the security footage.
At 9:15, the duo arrived, with both of them seemingly quarrelling over who got to push the grocery. At one point, Bonnie shoved a pair of blue aviators on Crazy Eyed Vamp’s face, making him splutter. He couldn’t really hear what they were talking about, but their voices echoes closer as they neared the security booth.
“Pork rinds.” Bonnie said, and Kai momentarily paused in the process of shoving a handful of said food into his mouth.
“Not on the list, and ew.” Damon muttered, and Kai wrinkled his nose. What kind of a monster didn’t enjoy pork rinds?
“No Damon, there were pork rinds on this shelf. There have been pork rinds here for every single Sunday that we’ve been here and now there aren’t.”
“Stop giving yourself hope, Bon-Bon, that-”
The carousel started to move, and Kai smiled to himself as they all but ran out of the store.
The next hour consisted of the Vampire Gigolo dismissing the carousel and the car Kai had painstakingly driven as a coincidence, Bonnie trying to prise off his daylight ring and finally storming off for what felt like the millionth time.
Honestly, how slow were these two? Kai was beginning to think that the billboard was a good idea, judging on these two’s complete denial to acknowledge that he existed.
Looks like things were gonna have to take a slightly different turn. Not so much as the fancy reveal Kai wanted, but simpler for the numbskull to understand.
He made his way to the camping section, and watched as Damon made his way to the bourbon aisle, casually picking out a bottle. Kai hoped he would drink it, cause it would be fun to watch a vampire burn from the inside out, but he was important to Bonnie, and therefore important to his plan of getting out of this hell.
So he munched on a pork rind loudly and watched, almost choking on it as Damon nearly jumped a foot high like a skittish cat.
“Rough day huh, Damon?” Kai asked smoothly, recalling how to make conversation with people. “Sorry, manners. I’m Kai, nice to meet you. Pork rind?”
The vampire just stared at him, shocked.
“Yeah, Bonster was correct. There was someone else here, and that could’ve been revealed a week ago if someone wasn’t stupid enough not to believe it.” He said, munching on another pork rind as he spoke.
“You have got to stop doing that,” Damon said, wrinkling his nose.
“Oh, this?” Kai asked, pointing to his pork rind. “You think this is annoying? Try listening to you and Bonnie bicker every five minutes for the most inane reasons.”
“So you’ve been following us.”
“Duh,” Kai looked at the vampire with distaste. “Honestly, aren’t you supposed to be equipped with some super senses? How the heck didn’t you notice me? Anyways, you two are the closest thing I have for entertainment in this hell dimension. Kinda like reality TV, if you ask me. You’re no Baywatch, but… Remember Baywatch?”
“No, I do not.” Damon spat out, looking frustrated.
“Oh man, you gotta watch it. You like lifeguards, like… hot ones? Cause I know you have Bon-Bon with you, and don’t think I didn’t see you checking her out that one time you guys went to the lake.” Kai’s face smoothened, his expression becoming blank, “Seriously, don’t do that again.”
Damon pinched the bridge of his nose, trying and failing to stop the blood from rushing to his ears. “ This has been a bad day in the sea of bad days, so I’m gonna need to know who you are, what you’re doing here, and how it relates to me, or I’m gonna have to rip your throat out.”
Kai looked at him like he was stupid. “Do you have short term memory or something? I already told you my name. Temper’s gonna get you in trouble, Damon. It’s already driven Bon-Bon away how many times?”
Damon began to speak, but Kai held up his hand. “Oh, oh, wait, I know. 13.”
Having lost all his sanity and patience, Damon supersped and held Kai up by the collar of his flannel, snarling. “One, don’t call her Bon-Bon. That’s my thing. And two, you think my temper’s bad with her? I like her. You, not so much.”
Kai held up his arms in surrender, trying to appease him. “Okay, okay, sorry. Seriously, I’m kinda rusty with the whole face-to-face human interactions schtick.”
Damon let go of his collar, leaving Kai to crumple onto a heap onto the linoleum floor. “Answers, now.”
“Maybe you should have a drink. That usually calms you down.”
The vampire did not deign to answer, merely browsing thrugh the selection of bottles. A tiny smirk crept onto Kai’s face.
“You know, bourbon’s kinda does weird things to you. You’re calm, then angry, then angsty, and then calm again. Poor Bonnie must get whiplash from dealing with you moping about Elaine all day.”
“It’s Elena-”
Kai shrugged, watching Damon bring the bottle up to his lips. “Look, if you really wanna know why I’m following you, it’s because I wanna kill you.”
Damon had already taken a swig of bourbon, and Kai felt a cat-like smile spread languidly across his features as he watched Damon choke. The skin around his mouth was red and burning due to the vervain, which increased Kai’s thrill.
He had missed this. This feeling of euphoria buzzing in his veins at the thought of someone writhing on the floor in pain. It was heady, but did not come close to the way he felt when he heard the screams of his annoying siblings when he killed them.
“Vervain in your bourbon. Who didn’t see that one coming?”
He picked up a beach umbrella and snapped the staff over his knee, breaking it into two. “Who even buys patio furniture from a grocery store? I mean, somebody must. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be here.”
He levelled the stake at Damon, and he felt almost giddy with the rush of adrenaline coursing through his body. “I’ll admit, I’m a little unfamiliar with vampires, but from what I’ve gathered, a stake to the heart should do it, right?”
Damon raised his hand to block the stake, but Kai stabbed him in the arm, earning a pained shout. “You can always fight dirty, Damon. Like that time you and Bonnie played Monopoly and you stole from the bank? Not cool. I don’t like cheaters."
Damon freed his hand, a murderous look in his eyes as he stood up. “I’m gonna rip your head off.”
He said it with so much certainty that Kai could’ve believed it, except that he was the one capable of killing him here and now.
“No, you’re not!” Kai sang as he smashed all the bottles on the shelf, making the vervained bourbon fall on Damon, burning his skin and making him fall to the floor again. “I didn’t know which bottle you’d take, so I vervained them all. I can’t say it’s been a pleasure to meet you Damon, but goodbye.”
He raised his hand, a manic glint in his eyes at the sight of Damon’s resignation, and would’ve stabbed him if Bonnie hadn’t picked that time to interfere.
“Stay away from him.”
Kai froze at the sound of Bonnie’s voice, finally directed at him for a change.
“Oh great, the magic-less witch’s here. I’ve watched you try to do magic for months now. What are you gonna do, fail at me? It’s embarrassing. I’m embarrassed by you.”
Bonnie didn’t answer, seemingly checking if Damon was okay. It irked him. He was talking, for fuck’s sake!
And then it hit him.
She had lit the candle on the shelf.
Her magic was back. Damon being in danger was the trigger, which was interesting, but Kai had bigger problems.
The very attractive glint in her verdant eyes told him that he had fucked up, big time.
“Run.” Was all she said, and Kai didn’t know if it was for him, or for Damon.
“Uh-oh,” he muttered, as Damon supersped away.
Bonnie tilted her head, a condescending smile on her face. “Phesmatos…incendia.”
The spilt bourbon caught fire, surrounding Kai as the flames licked away at anything inflammable in reach.
“Okay, okay, Bonnie… we can talk about this.”
Bonnie still had that smile on her face, and he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t incredibly arousing… or maybe that was his eighteen-year-old celibacy talking.
“Giving up so soon? I’m embarrassed for you, truly.” She mocked as Kai raised his hands in surrender.
The wooden staff he had abandoned earlier crashed into the back of his head, and Kai slumped forward, his vison darkening as the flames died down and Damon’s face loomed into view.
“Sorry I called you the most annoying person in the world. I hadn’t met him yet.”
The last thing Kai saw was Bonnie’s smile morph into something soft and genuine.
I’m utterly fucked.
He didn’t know if he was thinking about his plan that went awry or about her.
Either way, things were taking a quite interesting turn.