Chapter Text
Renjun sat in front of his desk after another long, exhausting day of Yangyang having dragged him to hang out again.
They had been doing that quite often, ever since Donghyuck introduced the two of his best mates to each other four years ago. Being the two Chinese transfers in high school, they clicked off pretty easily and had been inseparable since then, all the way to college.
It didn’t take long for Renjun to figure out that the feelings he felt towards his now closest friend were more than platonic, but he had been pushing them down since the epiphany.
Now, however, it started dawning on him that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t escape it. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop the way his heart fluttered at even the sight of Yangyang. How he couldn’t get the boy out of his head. How his best friend had the ability to cheer him up on even the worst of days, and how being away from him for more than a day could make him feel extremely downcast. Yangyang’s lively personality never failed to make him fall harder each day.
And it genuinely pained him knowing that the other had no knowledge of this.
Renjun thought about whatever he felt towards Yangyang and decided to pour all his feelings out on a piece of paper.
A letter, a question, to Yangyang - written purely out of impulse - that he had no intention of ever handing over.
why don’t we sit side by side, hand in hand, staring up at the gleaming stars engulfed in the comfort of the darkest and quietest of nights? the stars glistening that would illuminate your twinkling eyes as they stare up at them in wonder. your dazzling smile seeming to be the only thing that would captivate my attention. the prominent glow of ecstasy on your face that would make me wonder, “how did i ever get so lucky? what could i have possibly done to have been bestowed upon such a gift in the form of you? every little thing you do, you do with so much grace, always leaving me awestruck. you are the absolute epitome of perfection. you never fail to make me feel complete and utterly content. you are an absolute beauty that no one could ever compare to, one that i most certainly do not deserve. the worst part of it all is that you realise none of it. how even the smallest of things you do make my heart flutter as i struggle to fight the grin threatening to form on my face. how every single thing that comes out of your mouth is music to my ears and makes me feel as if my heart would explode any second. i am so in love with you, while the thought of loving someone as much as i do has probably never even crossed your mind. and it pains me. it makes me want to scream and bawl my eyes out. it frustrates me. it fills every bone of my body with this everlasting ache that i cannot seem to describe. but i am too selfish as for i want nothing more than you all to myself, even if it means having to live in agony for the rest of my existence...”
Yangyang’s soft knocking startled Renjun just as he finished writing. He kicked the piece of paper under his bed in a hurry and tried to avoid any suspicion. If Yangyang noticed him being flustered, he didn’t comment on it.
The piece of paper, etched with unspoken words, with the dreams of a boy in love, ended up gathering dust under Renjun’s bed for months, forgotten.