Chapter Text
Willie really had to stop torturing himself like this. Maybe if he fixed his sleep schedule, or if he turned his phone off after ten pm like the doctor told him to then he probably wouldn’t be sitting here at two am dealing with heartache. Listening to Alex rant about yet another thing his newly found boyfriend was becoming almost routine at this point, and it really wasn’t good for Willie’s health.
Currently, Willie was staring at the glow stick stars on his ceiling while listening to Alex talk about how his boyfriend of three months, Ashton, had come late to yet another date with a Starbucks drink in hand with that excuse that there had been traffic. Honestly, at this point, Alex just needed to break up with his inconsiderate boyfriend with a stupid name. What kind of a name was Ashton anyways?
Alex’s voice fell out of his phone speaker, angry with a touch of tired, “And I mean, I'm not crazy, right? Like I’m allowed to be mad at him, right?”
“Yea, dude, this is, what, the third time he’s done this?” Willie had thirty eight glow stars all bunched around in a circle on his ceiling. This was his third time counting while on the phone. It made it easier to focus on not wanting to scream and or go find Ashton to beat him up for being a douche to Alex.
A sigh followed, “Ashton said I was overreacting because it was only thirty minutes, but I literally just want him to come to dates on time? I feel like I’m not asking much, but he’s making me feel like I am.”
“You’re not asking too much, dude. You’re just asking him to be considerate to you which, you know, he isn’t. He’s showing up late with Starbucks, Alex, it’s not cool. Like at all. Not even slightly cool.”
“No, yea, you’re right,” there was a pause, and Willie could almost see Alex worrying at his bottom lip, “Though, I guess he didn’t even want to go on a date today, and I kind of forced him to come, so it’s kind of my fault that he was like that today.”
Upon hearing this, Willie landed on the ‘anger’ section in the stages of grief. After opening and closing his mouth in search of response, he finally landed on, “Alex, don’t blame yourself for Ashton’s terrible attitude. If you want to go on a date then you deserve to go on a date, dude. That’s the bare minimum, honestly.”
Another pause, and he knew that Alex was probably fiddling with his sleeves like he always did when he was nervous, “I guess so...I don’t know, maybe I need to sleep on it.”
“If you think it would help then sure. Just, uh, before you go, know that I think you deserve better than that. Way better,” Willie said while picking up his phone and looking at Alex’s contact photo. It was a picture of Alex sitting on his skateboard with Willie pushing him around from behind. It was one of the days he’d attempted to teach his friends how to skateboard, but Alex got too nervous, so he just pushed him around the skate park. He almost smiled at the fond memory of Alex’s happy laugh and the tight hug he got afterwards.
“Thanks, Willie,” Alex said, shaking Willie out of his thoughts and back into reality, “You’re a really great friend.”
A familiar ache filled Willie’s chest at being called ‘friend’, and he pushed out his response, “Of course. I’d do anything for you, Alex, you know that.”
“I know.” Willie hoped there was a small smile on Alex’s face as he spoke, “Well, um, good night. Love you, Willie.”
That was how Alex ended all his phone calls with his friends. A goodbye and a love you. Willie knew it met nothing, and that’s what made his heart feel like it’d be pierced.
“I love you too, Alex,” Willie said as he hit the end call button, “More than you could possibly know.”
Willie turned off his phone, laying it on his chest, and sighed while looking at the circle of glow stars on his ceiling. All thirty eight of them. They were pretty, but it almost felt like they were mocking him a way. Their faint delightfulness was all fake, and they barely compared to the shining stars in the night sky. What he wanted was that beautiful shining star a billion miles away, and when Willie couldn’t reach it, he compensated with his glow stars filled with fantasies of love. Ashton had the real star in his arms, and Willie had glow star memories in contact photos.
Wanting to look away from the stupid glow stars, Willie groaning into his hands and shook his head. He really was bound to pine for someone who obviously didn’t want him, but he would just have to deal with it. Or get over it. Either way, Willie felt sick to his stomach with love, and he needed to spill his guts to someone.
Turning his phone back on, Willie opened up his messages to Reggie, who had weirdly become his confidant through this whole situation, and shot over the text, ‘hey are u up?’
It only took about two minutes for Reggie to respond with, ‘depends. are going through emotional distress rn?’
If Willie hadn’t been so upset in that moment, he would have smiled at that text, but instead he sent back, ‘ashton was late to another date with alex. got to hear about the whole thing :(‘.
Instead of getting a text back, Willie instead received a facetime call from Reggie. When he accepted the call, Willie was greeted with the image of Reggie sitting at his desk with what looked like a Lego set sprawled across it. Reggie pointed a long white Lego piece at the camera as he said, “It may not look like it, but I am here to listen.”
“Are you building Legos right now?” Willie checked the time and realized it was later than he thought, “It’s two fifty in the morning.”
“Um, Willie, this Lego Star Wars x-wing fighter that I got for my birthday is way more important than sleep, but that’s not what we’re talking about right now. We’re talking about Ashton and Alex, right?”
Willie sighed before turning on his bedside lamp, “I feel like I’ve talked about them enough to last me a lifetime.”
“Okay, but what did Ashton do this time?”
The floodgates opened, and Willie was spilling out his words, “He showed up late to a date that Alex was really excited about with Starbucks! I mean, who does that? And not only that, but he made Alex feel bad about being mad about it when he’s totally in the wrong, and when Alex called me he was on the verge of tears about it! Tears! And even just hearing him like that made me want to pull him into a hug, and just keep him there and away from Ashton.”
Reggie frowned, twiddling a Lego between his thumb and forefinger, but let Willie keep talking, “And, like, what does Ashton have that I don’t? Bad poetry? Wait, bro, do you think Alex would actually like me if I started writing poetry?”
“Mm, I don’t know, I can’t imagine you in a turtleneck, so maybe not,” Reggie replied, making general motions at Willie.
“What do turtlenecks have to do with this?” Willie asked, confused and slightly amused.
Reggie raised an eyebrow as if it was obvious why before he replied, “People who write poetry wear turtlenecks, dude, that's a fact.”
“Wait.” Willie sat up in his bed, looking seriously at Reggie, “Do you think I could skip the poetry, wear a turtleneck and look so hot in it that Alex forgets all about his stupid boyfriend?” A laugh slipped out of Reggie before he realized that Willie was, in fact, wholly serious in asking that question. There was a beat as Reggie began to genuinely consider what was being asked before he settled on saying, “I think you would do better in getting his attention by just going shirtless. I mean, dude, do you even own a turtleneck?”
“...no, but I could! And if the turtleneck doesn’t work out then plan B is to go shirtless.”
Reggie nodded, a small smirk playing on his lips, “So, you’re gonna wear a turtleneck to the next rehearsal? Specifically for Alex?”
“...yea,” Willie sighed, slumping, “I’m on my last resorts, okay? I was trying to get Alex to realize I liked him for weeks before Ashton came into the picture with his Romeo and Juliet quotes.”
“You know, reciting Romeo and Juliet isn’t actually that romantic. I mean, not only do they die at the end, but, really, their love was more of an infatuation thing than true love. Plus, Shakespeare did write things that, you know, didn’t end with poison, stab, sad. Plays with actual happy couples!”
Willie thought about stopping Reggie from his literature based ramble, but, honestly, it was nice to focus on something else that wasn’t the ache that was slowly burning his chest. And hearing Reggie beat down Ashton's definition of romance was pretty satisfying. Willie didn’t know much about Shakespeare, but he did know that Ashton deserved to get kicked every time he acted snobby about the playwright. He’d even called Reggie’s views on some of his plays ‘childish’, which really made Willie’s blood boil.
Reggie eventually noticed that he had been ranting for a few minutes and smiled sheepishly, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to go on about that.”
“Nah, it’s nice to hear that I don’t have to memorize Shakespeare to be romantic. I’ll just stick to the turtleneck.”
“Are you actually serious about the turtleneck?” Reggie asked with a small laugh.
“No,” Willie shook his head, “I’m joking. I don’t even think I would look good in one.”
[line break]
Saying that the turtleneck thing was a joke was, in fact, a lie on Willie’s part. Well, it wasn't at first but then he went to the thrift store per usual and had gotten tempted by a nice, white turtleneck hanging off a rack. It wasn’t his style, but he looked pretty nice in it, he thought. So, when the time came for the band's next rehearsal that he was invited to, Willie planned to wear it. Sure, Reggie would poke fun at him, but, hey, the turtleneck was surprisingly cute.
Though, Willie didn’t think he looked all that cute anymore since he had to rush to the band’s rehearsal. He had been so caught up in a painting he’d been doing that time had escaped him until he had to rush out of the house in his paint covered overalls. Still managed to throw on the turtleneck, though, so that was a win.
When he got into his friends' studios, Willie’s mouth suddenly tasted like acid when he saw perfectly quaffed brown hair and a tweed jacket. Ashton was sitting on the couch next to a disgruntled looking Flynn. Of course he had to choose today of all days to actually come to a rehearsal. Ashton rarely came to rehearsals, or any of the actual performances for that matter. Willie ignored the bitter taste in his mouth and managed to say with a smile, “Hey, guys, sorry I’m a little late! Got super caught up with my new painting, but I hope I didn’t miss any playing?”
Flynn looked incredibly relieved to see him as she immediately stood up and practically ran over to him, “Willie, you’re finally here! They’re still setting up, so you’re good.”
Ashton only looked up from his phone when Alex saw Willie, choked on his water and started to cough up a storm. Alex was just a little surprised at how Willie was dressed, okay? The tied up hair with a paintbrush stuck in it, and the turtleneck (since when did that become a part of his wardrobe?) mixed with overalls was just all very surprising.
Luke patted the drummer’s back, a somewhat knowing smile on his face, as Reggie walked over to Willie.
“Nice sweater, bro, Lookin’,” Reggie clicked his tongue as he pointed finger guns in Willie’s direction, “Smokin’”
Rolling his eyes, Willie shoved Reggie’s shoulder, who immediately broke his suave façade to laugh, “Shut up, dude.”
Flynn tilted her head, squinting her eyes at the pair, before she said with a small smile, “I don’t know what you two are up to, but you really do look good, Willie.”
“Yea, no, I was serious about you looking good. I just-” Reggie let out another laugh, “I thought we were joking about the whole turtleneck thing.”
“Well, at least I look good, right?”
“Right,” Reggie said with amusement dancing in his eyes before he motioned to his cheek, “Dude, you have paint on your cheek.”
After Willie made several failed attempts to get the yellow paint off his cheek, Reggie just reached up and gently scratched it off for him, “There you go.”
“Reggie!” Alex called out with a slight frown and furrowed brows, “Are you ready to get started or what?”
“Oh, yup, sorry!” Reggie gave Alex an apologetic smile before heading over to his spot with his bass guitar. Still, Alex was looking between Willie and Reggie with an oddly inquisitive gaze. Like he was trying to put together a puzzle inside his head. After a few seconds, Alex shook his head, the frown still on his face, before starting off the song.
Willie and Flynn, after some telepathic communication, decided to just sit on the floor in front of the couch instead of sit next to Ashton. See, the thing about Willie and Flynn is that they both had an unashamed hatred for Alex’s boyfriend, so it was pretty easy for the two to sync up so that they could avoid any interaction with Mr. Tweed Jacket at all costs. Flynn promised Julie that she wouldn’t get into an argument with him again, and Willie promised Reggie that he wouldn’t give into his urge to skateboard wipe out Ashton,
Though, everything, including painful heart aches and a solid hatred for a man with fake poetics in his pocket, faded into the background when Willie watched Alex play the drums. To Willie, Alex contained fireworks and city lights that flowed from his veins to his drumsticks. Nothing could compare to seeing the sparks burst off the drum set, and how Alex’s passion lived in the beats that Willie memorized like a play script. He loved that idea, sometimes, that something Alex loved was in the song lyrics that got stuck in his head, or in the CD album of theirs that he had been lovingly gifted. He loved finding all his friends in the songs they wrote, but Alex lived in his heart, in his soul, and nothing was like seeking him out in strong melodies. Thus, Willie loved watching Alex play, and today he was amazing, A little more aggressive, a little more willing to beat the music out of the drums than usual, but still absolutely incredible to him.
When the set was done, Willie cheered as loud as his lungs would let him, and Flynn joined him in the flurry. Ashton clapped, without much enthusiasm, but he did plaster a smile on, so that was better than nothing at all. The memory of Ashton, late at night, saying that the band’s music just wasn’t really ‘his style’ still burned Alex’s skin. So, when Ashton seemed even remotely pleased, Alex glowed with happiness. That’s why Alex, almost right away, went over to his boyfriend after he was done drumming.
“How did you think I did, Ash?” Alex asked, hoping, almost desperately, for any validation from his boyfriend.
“It was good,” there was a pause as Ashton realized that Alex wanted more feedback then that from him, “You’re a really good drummer, Alex.”
Willie, who had already given his compliments to everyone, ran up behind Alex and picked him up from behind in his excitement, “Dude! You did so awesome today!”
Alex started to laugh, eyes crinkling, before happily exclaiming, “Willie!”
Putting Alex down, satisfied with the smile on his face, Willie started to shower him in praise, “You were so amazing. You are always amazing, but that was so-”
“Alex,” Ashton interrupted, glaring at Willie as if he could burn his skin if he tried hard enough.
“Yea, Ash-” Alex was cut off as his boyfriend grabbed his face and pulled him into a rough kiss. Willie was sure that Ashton had made direct eye contact with him before he did so, and the pit in his stomach grew more bitter. Willie just kind of stood there, not really sure what to do, before Reggie grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the kissing couple. A tense feeling fell over the studio as everyone tried to do anything but look at the make out session Alex had been pulled into.
Alex pulled away, pushing his hands on his boyfriend's chest, before whispering, “Ash, can we do this later? I’m not-”
“Baby, I’m gonna have to leave soon, and I’ve been missing you.” Ashton grabbed at Alex’s face with his less than gentle touch.
“You’re leaving? You said you were going to stay this time,” Alex asked with a frown.
Ashton furrowed his eyebrows, running the pads of his thumbs over Alex’s jaw, before saying, “Oh, Alex, yea. I have a poetry thing I have to go to. I thought I told you?”
When Alex shook his head no, Ashton clicked his tongue, “I could have sworn I told you. Well, either way, I want to kiss you before I go. Is that so bad?”
“No, but I really think we should wa-” Alex was cut off by the harsh slam of lips on his and fingers grabbing roughing at his hair. He pulled away once again, “Ash, come on.”
Alex had about a second to notice that Willie and Reggie had left the studio before his boyfriend pulled him in for another desperate feeling kiss. Once he realized, Alex was thinking more about where his friends went then about Ashton’s lips. Not that Alex didn’t like kissing, he really did, but he was honestly just going through the motions at this point. At the beginning of their relationship the making out was new, shiny, exciting, but now it was basically the only thing they ever did together. There wasn’t any passion in it for him anymore. It still made Ashton happy, somehow, so Alex thought that maybe he was the weird one for not finding the lip biting very electrifying anymore. Though Alex feared thinking too much about how the spark had gone out, so instead, he wondered where Willie could have gone off with Reggie.
There was something in him, maybe something slightly irrational, that told him that maybe they were doing exactly what Ashton was so eagerly doing with him. It was weird to think about Willie and Reggie together, but Alex noticed that they were way closer than they used to be. He thought about the way Reggie had gently gotten the paint off Willie's cheek or the late night snapchat stories Reggie would take of Willie teaching him to skateboard. His stomach felt a little sick with guilt and bitterness for even thinking about those two together.
A casual bite to his lip brought him back to reality and away from thoughts of Reggie’s hands intermixing with long hair. He vaguely wondered if Ashton could taste bitter acid on his tongue and if he would care at all if he did. They kept kissing for a while, Alex wasn’t really sure how long it went on for, before Ashton let go of his mouth. After that, Ashton looked satisfied and managed to make a few minutes of conversation about whatever poetry event he was going to. Alex ignored the occasional worried glance from his friends as the embarrassment from what just happened slowly kicked in. Eventually, Ashton patted Alex’s cheek before saying a quick goodbye with a reminder to call him later. With that his boyfriend was out the door and out of sight.
There was a silence, awkward and tense, between everyone in the studio. Apparently, Julie, Luke, and Flynn had managed to start a game of go fish to avoid focusing on the couple. They had abandoned the game once Ashton was out of the studio, and were now all searching for something to say. The embarrassment was coursing through Alex and making him feel hot and uncomfortable.
“Um, dude,” Luke tried before Alex quickly cut him off.
“Please, don’t say anything,” his hands felt clammy and his heart was in his throat.
Luke laughed nervously, looking at Julie and Flynn for some help, before saying, “Pft, say anything about what?”
“Thanks, Luke,” Alex sighed, rubbing the back of his head, “but I’m really sorry about that. I know that was awkward for everyone, I’m sorry, he’s just, um, pushy?”
Flynn looked up from the cards she was shuffling, “Alex, I don’t want to be rude, but your boyfriend isn’t five years old. He can’t expect to get what he wants all the time.”
Alex frowned as his eyebrows furrowed, “Well, yes, but, we haven’t really been around each other in a while because I was mad at him and that’s just how he shows his...affection, I guess.”
“Okay, but it didn’t seem like you were very, uh, into it, dude,” Luke said, leaning back with a concerned expression, “And he still kept going which isn’t exactly cool.”
“Actually, it isn’t cool at all,” Flynn added with a pointed frown, “He pushed you into making out with him in front of all of your friends when you were obviously uncomfortable with it. That isn’t okay, like, at all, Alex.”
Alex winced a little but couldn’t say anything before Julie said, with a sympathetic look in her eyes, “Flynn’s right. I mean, Alex, you are one of the nicest people I know, and you deserve better than being with someone who only cares about getting what they want in a relationship.”
Alex hesitated before weekly protesting, “He cares about what I want...sometimes.”
“Bro, remember when you asked him to come to one of our concerts and what he said when he completely forgot about it after saying he would come?” Luke asked, again making Alex wince at the bad memory, “He said ‘my bad’ over text."
“Okay, but that was just a bad moment. Ashton can be very thoughtful, guys.”
Flynn crossed her arms, “Then name one nice thing he’s done for you lately that you didn’t ask him to do.”
“Um,” Alex paused, considering for far too long before saying, “He paid for dinner last week on our date.”
Sharp silence filled the room before Flynn decided to ask, “And how many times have you paid for dinner?”
Instead of replying with ‘almost every single time’ Alex simply said, “That’s not important.”
“I’m going to take a guess and say that you usually pay. Ashton was just feeling generous that day,” Flynn nodded when Alex responded with silence before continuing, “I think this proves my point that Ashton doesn’t deserve you at all and that you should break up with him.”
“But I can’t just break up with him! I really like him, Flynn.”
"Why? He's not even nice to you, Alex,” Flynn snapped, which earned her an hurt look from Alex and her righteous anger quelled just a little, “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to be so harsh. I just hate seeing him treat you like that.”
“I know,” Alex gave her a small smile, “I really appreciate it, but I think I need some time before I make any rash decisions. I mean, he said he would be coming to Flynn’s party to see us perform, so maybe things'll get better?”
All of them gave each other worried looks at this but nodded at Alex despite of it. Julie tried to look less concerned before saying, “Well, whatever you decide, we’ll always be here for you. Right, guys?”
The other two nodded, agreeing, before Luke added, “Of course, dude. I’ll always have your back.”
“Krazy glue of friends, right?” Flynn tried to joke even though she was still frowning slightly.
Alex, with a tired, barely there smile, affirmed, “Right, thank you. But, you guys don’t have to worry so much. I’ll be okay.”
They all still gave him concerned glances with pursed lips and furrowed brows, but Alex elected to ignore it in favor of having some hope for the future. Ashton wasn’t always the greatest, but he made Alex feel less...lonely, he guessed, and more wanted than before. When he held him or kissed him, even if the spark was missing, it still filled a part of his heart. Maybe not all of it, but it was better than nothing, and Alex would take a half empty heart over nothing at all. He learned that after giving up on his crush on Willie. Something, anything, was better than empty.
And he had this small hope that Ashton could eventually love him the way he wanted him to. It was probably a naïve hope, a dumb hope, but it was still there even if his friends didn’t think it was going to happen. Ashton could be nice, wonderful even. He’d seen it, he’d felt it, during the first month or so of their relationship. So, Alex latched onto that hope and kept waiting for things to feel better then they did now. Waiting for when he would kiss Ashton, and it wouldn’t make him miss someone he never even had in the first place.
[line break]
Sitting outside of the studio honestly made Willie feel worse than before. Seeing Ashton and Alex lock lips sucked, but his imagination somehow seemed much worse. Especially since Reggie, after pulling him out of the studio, had left him alone with his thoughts to go get sodas and snacks for the two of them. Willie was resting his back against the brick wall outside the studio when he heard the distinct clacking of Ashton’s heeled boots. He looked towards the doors to see Ashton walking outside, typing away at his phone, seemingly unaware of his presence. He stood there on his phone for a solid minute before he glanced up, finally seeing Willie, “Oh, you’re out here.”
Willie forced a small smile on his face and gave him a wave, “Hello to you too.”
“Where’s the, uh...leather jacket?” Ashton asked while making a general motion in Willie’s direction.
Tilting his head slightly, Willie waited a second to see if the other man was joking before saying, “Reggie.”
“Reggie, yea, him,” Ashton waved his hand dismissively, “Where’s he?”
“He went to get people drinks inside the house, and I’m waiting for him.” Willie really wished this conversation would end and that Ashton would just leave. Without anyone there to be a buffer, Willie wasn’t entirely sure he would be able to keep his fist from Ashton's face.
Ashton nodded, slowly, before clapping his hands together, “Actually, this is great. I’ve been wanting to talk to you...Willie, right?”
“Right,” Willie could feel the hostility radiating off the other man, and he just wanted to go inside at this point.
“Look,” Ashton walked towards Willie, a loud click clack coming from his boots, “You seem like a good guy, Willie, but I’m gonna ask you to stay away from my boyfriend. And before you say that I don’t need to worry or whatever, I’m gonna say that I can see your schoolboy crush from a mile away. It’s a little irritating how obvious it is if I’m being honest with you. I mean, the turtleneck? Kind of desperate.”
“I’m sorry? What did you just say to me?”
Ashton held back on the eye roll, but Willie could tell the intention was there, “You heard me. Your whole artsy, quirky best friend thing is cute, I’ll give you that. But Alex chose me over you. That’s just fact,” a pat on the arm that felt far too condescending, “So, I don’t know, just accept that you lost your chance.”
Willie balled up his fists, anger curling around him and taking control. Holding up a hand, Ashton clicked his tongue in a disapproving manner, “What would Alex think if you gave me a black eye? Especially if he believed that it was so out of nowhere.”
Willie clenched his jaw, but managed to hold himself back. He exhaled through his nose, angrily, in hopes that he would calm down. Willie was usually a pretty peaceful person unless it came to cops and, apparently, Ashton. He knew he could probably knock Ashton to next Tuesday if he really wanted to, but the thought of Alex nursing whatever bruise resulted from his punch made him stop.
Ashton smirked at this before saying, “Thanks for having this little chat with me. I’ll be seeing you at the party, right?”
“Screw you, dude.”
“I’ll be taking that as a yes.” Ashton flashed him a smile, waved bye and promptly walked over to his car before yelling over his shoulder, “Keep what I said in mind, Willie!”
He almost wished he had said something snarky in return, but Willie decided that it wasn’t worth it. It’s not like anything he could say would change Ashton’s atrocious attitude anyways. He sighed heavily while crashing his head against the brick wall again. As he watched the sleek black car leave the driveway, Willie thought a little about what Ashton had said. Desperate. That’s the word that stuck most to his mind. Was he actually coming off as desperate? Or pushy? The last thing he wanted was to pressure Alex into feeling like he had to love him, and the thought of Alex loving him out of pity swirled his stomach with sickness.
Cutting Willie out of his thoughts, Reggie bounded out of the house with sodas and potato chips in hand, “Hey, dude, I hope you like sour cream and onion…” he trailed off, noticing the deep frown on Willie’s face and that Ashton’s car had disappeared, “What did I miss?”
“Just Ashton being a dick again,” Willie pushed himself off the wall with the sickness still in his stomach. He knew it was stupid, taking anything Mr. Tweed Jacket had to say seriously, but Willie couldn’t help feel self conscious now.
“Dude, what? Did something happen?” Reggie asked, concerned.
Willie couldn’t imagine going back into the studio, seeing his kissed lips, and being okay after all that. So, he grabbed his skateboard that he had put against the wall of the studio outside, “I’ll tell you later, okay? I just, uh, I’m gonna head home now. Tell the others that I really thought it was a great show and that I’ll be at the party for sure.”
Reggie frowned, his eyebrows furrowing, but he decided it was best not to push it, “Okay, but promise you’ll call me later?”
“Promise, dude,” Willie offered a bittersweet smile before setting his skateboard down. With that he was off and out of the driveway with only his pestering thoughts as company.
[line break]
A couple days after what Reggie had mentally named the ‘mystery Ashton and Willie incident’, Willie had gone almost radio silent. The phone call that had been promised never happened and most of his texts asking if he was okay were answered with one or two word responses. And, apparently, the same thing has been happening to a highly worried Alex, who called him late at night. Maybe it was bad that his friends just assumed he was going to be up late doing something like building Legos, but, hey, Reggie loved talking to his friends. And their assumption was right, he up late building Legos once again.
So, he answered the phone call from Alex and said, “Hey, what’s up, buddy?”
“Hey, Reg, and, uh, nothing much. Couldn’t really sleep.” Reggie vaguely picked up on the tiredness in Alex’s voice, and set down his phone to put it on speaker.
“You’re not getting weird dreams again are you?” Reggie asked as he fiddled with the Lego set was working on.
“...what? Oh, no, I’m not. I’m just kind of worried about something.”
“So, no ‘having to play your drums with breadsticks instead of drumsticks’ dream tonight?”
“No, Reggie,” Alex huffed, “I haven’t had that dream in months.”
“Alright then,” Reggie smiled at his phone despite Alex not being able to see him, “What’s bothering you, man?”
“Um,” Alex paused and Reggie could hear him shift around, “Have you heard from Willie at all recently?”
“Define heard from because he’s technically responding to my texts but, like, only with the thumbs up emoji or okay with an exclamation point. Which, you know, isn’t usual for him,” Reggie responded, frowning. He was worried about Willie too, and he really wished the guy would just pick up his phone to talk about whatever it was. Ashton must have done something to mess with Willie, but Reggie wasn’t sure what exactly.
“He’s responding to your texts? He’s not even reading mine,” Alex questioned and, just based on tone, Reggie knew Alex was pacing back and forth in his room.
Reggie contemplated this for a few seconds before saying, “I knew that something was up with him, but I didn’t think it was that bad.”
“Well, um, do you know what’s wrong? Because it’s kind of freaking me out that he’s ignoring me like the plague. I haven't even been able to drive him to school, and he always lets me drive him to school because I don’t like how he almost always gets a near death experience every morning on his skateboard,” Alex rambled, nervously and quickly. Yeah, Reggie would definitely see the model strut happening.
“Hey, Alex, buddy, can you take some deep breaths for me?” Reggie tried with his full attention on his phone now.
“Right, right, air, I need that,” there was pause as Alex took some counted breaths before he continued, sounding a little more calm, “But, seriously, do you know what happened? Cause I know you guys are...close, so maybe he told you something?”
Reggie stared at his phone, silently wondering if he caught Alex’s implication correctly or if was reading the room totally wrong. He stayed like this, looking at his phone, before Alex broke the silence with a simple, “Hello? Reggie, you there?”
“...hey, Alex, I love you, man, and I hope I’m not reading this wrong, but did you just imply that me and Willie are romantically close? Like ‘I’m taking him on dates and getting him flowers’ close?”
There was a nervous laugh on the other end, “Nooo, that’s not what I thought at all. Nope, not even a little bit.”
“Alex!” Reggie whisper yelled (it was still late after all), alarmed and wide eyed, “You totally thought me and Willie were dating!”
“Maybe!” Alex whisper yelled back, “But that’s because you guys go on, like, late night skateboarding hangouts, which can look like dates to the unsuspecting eye,
you touch a lot!”
“I’m a touchy feely person, you know this! And Willie is giving me skateboarding lessons in exchange for me looking over his English homework!” Reggie truly couldn’t believe this was happening, “Plus, dude, I would have told you if anything was going on between us. You’re my best friend!”
“I thought that maybe you didn’t want to tell me because of my tiny crush on Willie sophomore year,” Alex said, still embarrassed and a bit defensive.
“I wouldn’t exactly call your crush tiny, Alex,” Reggie replied, smirking a little.
“Okay, that is so not the point, Reggie! What I’m saying is that you wouldn’t tell me because you wouldn’t want me to be jealous or something. ”
“But I would have told you because that’s a thing of the past since you have a boyfriend and all. There wouldn’t be any reason for you to be jealous...”
“I’m not jealous, dude! It was a hypothetical statement!” Alex finally decided that he really needed to get himself out of this hole he was digging. Reggie didn’t need to know that Alex did, in fact, get a bit jealous when he thought of him and Willie together, “You know what, you totally got me off track. We are going back to if you know why Willie is avoiding me.”
Well, Reggie knew it had something to do with Ashton and Willie’s massive feelings for Alex, but wasn’t about to just say that, so instead he settled for, “Man, I really wish I could tell you, but he’s barely even talking to me. But, at least you know that me and him aren’t dating now.”
Alex sighed heavily on the other end, “You’re never gonna let that go, huh?”
“Nope!” Reggie replied, far too chirper for Alex’s liking.
Another sigh came through the speaker, “Well, please let me know if you hear anything from Willie, okay? And let him know I’m worried about him if you do. I’m gonna try and go to bed now.”
“I will, dude, don’t worry. Hope you can get some more sleep.”
“Yea, I hope so too. Thanks for talking to me, Reg. Love you.” Once Reggie said his love you’s backs, he hung up the phone before immediately opening up his text messages with Willie. He knew he had to send an eye catching text to Willie to get an actual response, and Alex had just given him the most effective hook in the world.
Knowing that there wasn't anyway Willie was asleep, Reggie quickly typed out his text, ‘hey B) hope you’re okay! just wanted to let you know that Alex thought we were dating’.
It only took a few minutes for Reggie’s phone to start vibrating against his desk, and he quickly answered the Facetime (even better than a text!). He couldn’t even get a word out before Willie started questioning him, “Reggie, what do you mean Alex thought we were dating? Explain. Explain now.”
“Well, apparently Alex thought us hanging out more then usual meant that we were dating, but I told him that we weren’t, so all's good...well actually, there is one thing-”
“What? What is it?”
“You!” Reggie said while pointing at his screen, “Alex told me that you’ve been avoiding his calls and texts ever since that rehearsal with Ashton and you told me you would tell me what happened later. It’s later now!”
Willie winced slightly and sighed, “Ashton was just being rude and it got to me a little. I just needed some time to myself, but I’m fine.”
“Uh, obviously not, dude. You’re avoiding Alex which usually you’d rather be caught dead then be doing and you’re wearing an emotional support cardigan.”
“...I’m wearing this cardigan because I’m cold.”
Reggie gave Willie a disbelieving look, “It’s the one with the sheep pattern on it. You only wear that one when you’re going through it.”
“Maybe we should stop hanging out. You know me too well, and, personally, I think being called out this hard isn’t fun,” Willie said after staring at the screen with his mouth slightly agape.
“Can’t go back now, Willie, I decided a long time ago that you’re gonna have to deal with me for life. And part of that life long friendship is telling me what is wrong. So, what happened, dude?”
Willie hesitated for a second before starting, “Okay, um, Ashton just kind of told me to stay away from Alex and said that...my crush on him is obvious because I come off as desperate, I guess? Those weren’t his exact words, bu-”
“He said fucking what, dude?!” Reggie yelled despite the late hour.
“He said-”
“No, I heard you, but what the fuck?! He actually said that you?!” Reggie questioned with angry disbelief.
“Um, yea,” Willie pulled his cardigan closed and sighed, “I know that it’s stupid to let Ashton's words get to me, but, I don’t know, I’ve had a crush on Alex for like a year. Maybe I do come off as desperate after this long, man.”
Reggie sputtered in disbelief for a second before responding, “Willie, I’m not letting you take the train into ‘what if I’m actually a bad person’ town because of that douchebag. Ashton only said all of that because he’s insecure that you’re treating his boyfriend better than he is, which is a fact, by the way.”
“Okay, yea, but-”
“No because caring about someone is different than being desperate for their attention! You really care about Alex, and he cares about you back. That’s not being desperate, that’s literally being his friend. Even if you like Alex, you’re still his friend, dude. You listen to him complain about Ashton for fucks sake! You’re just being there for Alex when he needs you, and if Ashton feels threatened by that then that’s his problem, dude, not yours.” Willie honestly had never seen Reggie get this heated about anything other than Alex’s parents, and he’s seen him rant about plenty of things. Hell, a part of their friendship had been built on being able to rant to each other, but Reggie never really got red in the face over anything. Well, except for this and homophobia, apparently.
Reggie finished, taking a breath, but Willie still wasn’t thoroughly convinced, “...okay, I get you. I hear you, but maybe I should give Alex space. Not for Ashton, definitely not, but for me? Like...I don’t know, Alex doesn’t like me. So, maybe I just need some time away to get over him and we can stay just friends without it...hurting so much? I don’t know, man, I’ve been thinking a lot.”
Reggie softened at this, frowning with sympathy, “I’m sorry, man, just don’t be so hard on yourself, I guess. I mean, Alex is really worried about you. Worried enough to call me about it and ask me what’s going on with you, so obviously he wants you around, Willie.”
There was a small pang of guilt that came with being the reason Alex was worried. At least in this situation. Otherwise, it was endearing when Alex worried enough to carry around little band aids in his fanny pack when Willie kept getting cuts from less than wise skateboarding decisions. But Alex being worried because Willie was avoiding him? That really sucked. It’s not that Willie wanted to ignore Alex. It was painful to do so, if he was being honest, but it was so he could accept that Alex wasn’t going to love him even if Ashton was out of the picture. And that was the greatest good for the both of them, right?
“Hey, you still with me?” Reggie asked, soft and concerned.
Willie blinked, realizing he had spaced out, and nodded, “Yea, I am. Um, I think I should go to bed or something. Not much sleep these past couple of days.”
“Okay,” Reggie paused for a second before asking, with slight hesitation, “You still thinking about coming to Flynn’s party?”
Willie contemplated this before saying, “I think I will. No, yea, I will. Got to get out of my house somehow, I guess.”
“That’s good, that’s good. And, you know, I’m sure Alex would love to see you there. Everyone would, but him especially.”
“Thanks, Reg,” Willie smiled, tightly but sincerely, “I’ll definitely be there. Um, see you soon then?”
“Yup, I’ll see you soon, man. Try and get some sleep, okay?”
“Okay, I will. Thanks again,” Willie said before hanging up the phone with a sigh. He knew he wasn’t going to sleep well that night. The nights had mostly been filled with working on a painting of a sky filled with stars above an expansive field. It was basically done after several nights' work, but he felt like there was something fundamental about the painting that was missing. He just wasn’t sure what it was, so he made countless revisions and additions. But, again, nothing he did got rid of that feeling that something was missing. That night he added a couple more stars and a few more details to the grass, but it didn’t get rid of the empty in the painting. And Willie so desperately wanted to fill that unidentifiable empty feeling. Maybe it was in the stars, he thought for the third time, or maybe the painting just wasn’t any good at all. But he had an odd affection for it, so he kept working on it, emptiness and all, night after night.