Chapter Text
Today was the day to play Among Us with friends, I spent all day in bed trying to rest my arms so I wouldn't feel so much pain while playing. I'm always in pain, it's something that has become a routine, nothing new. But some days get worse than others, so whenever I book a stream I try not to get too tired. Not that I need to do a lot to get tired, since because of chronic diseases I always wake up tired and hardly sleep. Today was no different, I just lie in bed, looking at the ceiling in the totally dark room just hoping that my body will collaborate and not cause me so much pain. Normally I put a podcast or some calm playlist to pass the time, nothing too stressful, just to distract myself and not be thinking too much and end up getting anxious or depressed. Because whether you like it or not, always when I'm live, even with just my voice, I am always anxious about interactions with other people or even by people in the chat. Any comment can make me think too much and enter an existential crisis.
Let's just say that I am fucked up, physically and mentally.
I feel that today my arms seem to hurt more than usual, I can move them normally, but from feeling so much pain I can already feel it when the pain is gradually increasing. It is as if the pain started little by little in the bones and went to the nerves, until it could not move any more. I lie still in bed, just repeating it in my mind like a mantra "Please just let me play tonight. Tomorrow I can wake up with my arms still, I just need to be able to move them enough to be able to play today."
As if hearing my thoughts I hear the cellphone with Alexa's voice "You have a new voice message from Jack". As I am used to not being able to move my arms, I am already used to the voice command function, which makes my life a little easier. So I say:
-Alexa play Jack's message.
And then I hear the animated voice:
- Hey buddy, ready to play today? And you know, if you're not feeling well, you can always reschedule without any problems, I can get another one to play in two seconds. But I and the rest would love your presence.
I might as well cancel as Jack suggested, but I hadn't played with the guys in almost a month and I had already tweeted that I was going to join the stream. I know my fans are excited and I am too, playing with the people distracts me and makes me happy for a few hours, even though I am always anxious about the interactions. It has been a routine for seven months now and I feel very grateful for the opportunities and friendships that came with these streams. And it always yields great laughs, especially the voice of a certain anime boy who will also be in the game. Since then I started to hope to be able to play with them. I never went to play much, especially after having problems with my vision and not being able to stay in front of any spotlight for a long time to be honest. But now I get excited just with the prospect of being able to spend time with amazing and fun people. I feel honored, sometimes I think about what I did to deserve so many people supporting me and cheering for me. I really do not understand.
- Alexa responds with voicemail to Jack.
"Voice message for Jack enabled"
- Hey Bro, relax, I'm fine. You have to be prepared because I’m already thinking about the ways I’m going to kill you in the game.
After some time, Alexa warns about the return of Jack's message.
- That's what we're going to see, baby. See you in an hour.
An hour to go? I don't even feel time go by anymore, I have no idea of time for a long time. I get up to go to the bathroom, I put on specific dark glasses to pass in front of the computer, I also usually put on orthopedic gloves to avoid further pain, but this time I am afraid that if I put them on, it will only increase the pain in my hand joints. I'm really not so sure if they make such a difference to tell the truth, since I use it on my own, so this time I choose not to risk it. When I sit down on the chair and turn on the computer, I hear another notification on my cell phone.
"You received a new message from Sykkuno"
I try not to think too much when I don't activate the voice command this time and quickly grab the cell phone by clicking to open the message with hands shaking slightly.
"Hey corpse, I hope you're doing well. Looking forward to playing with the best impostor today :)"
I stare at the screen, ignoring the huge smile that fills my face just by reading the message, already imagining Sykkuno's cheerful voice.
"Hey Sy. I'm also looking forward to playing today🖤"
I keep looking at the screen smiling like a maniac, imagining Sykkuno laughing with his habit to hide his smile with his hand, in his adorable way of being.
It's been a month since I met Sykkuno personally, but I still feel extremely agitated each time we speak. It is still strange how it all happened. I try not to think too hard so as not to get into a crisis. It is rare for me to trust a person so quickly. It's just weird. Sykkuno is the kindest person I know, he is just too precious and is one of those people you want to keep in a little box and protect forever. But even though he is such a loving person, I still know that I rarely trust someone so easily. And there I went after meeting him for 5 months leaving home even though i’m agoraphobic, traveling 5 hours by car just to personally deliver my merch huddie to him. The same sweatshirt that was a prototype made for me, the first sweatshirt on my merch. I couldn't wait long enough to make a new huddie, I handed mine over, too anxious to see him, having a plausible excuse for it. And on top of that, I felt comfortable enough in his presence to be able to remove my mask hours after meeting him. Sykkuno works miracles. I wanted him to realize how special he is.
A new notification appears this time warning that Sykkuno is live on the twitch. I keep his notifications on, as do other friends, but I like to hear him specifically because his voice calms me down somehow.
I shake my head ignoring my brief thoughts and prepare my microphone and apps to be able to play.
The game runs normally and after 2 hours of lots of laughter and shenanigans. Enough distraction to forget the pain in my arms and hands. In this round, Sykkuno promised that he would follow me to protect me, since in the last 2 rounds I died at the beginning. We were following each other, more talking and laughing than actually doing the chores. The screen soon appears warning that someone reported a new death in the game, but shortly afterwards my screen goes black and for a few brief seconds without waiting for the screen to darken, I look at my reflection and startle myself. In those brief seconds for some reason I thought my face was appearing on the screen, for everyone to see, more specifically for more than 50 thousand followers. With the fright of the reflex I end up punching the computer screen making a loud noise, followed by a scream.
- FUCK!
My breathing quickens and I stare at the now broken monitor, this time no longer on the black screen but with the game showing. The screen is all shattered and you can barely see the icons of the game right. I do not feel anything. I hear a noise followed by an echo, until I hear the frightened voices mixed together without being able to identify who was speaking.
- Corpse? What was that noise?
- Corpse can you hear us?
- Are you okay?
- What happened?
- Corpse?
- Guys, guys, one at a time. Let's wait for him to speak. - Silence. - Corpse are you there? - Was it Ludwig's voice?
Everyone stops talking and I remain silent, still lost with what happened.
- We can hear your breathing. - Is it Jack's voice? I don't know how to define it.
- Hmm. - I answer automatically, only now realizing that my breathing is fast, followed by my heartbeat.
- What happened? - This time it was a female voice, was it Rae?
- Eeer ... the screen suddenly went black and I was startled by the reflection. - I explain without thinking, as if the words come out on their own.
- Corpse. - I hear Sykkuno's voice soft and low, but still clear in my mind, making me wake up from the trance and then I only think about disappearing, isolating myself from everyone.
- Sorry, I need to leave, I can't see anything with the broken screen.
Unable to pay attention to the voices that follow, I moved for the first time since I punched the screen and I unplug everything, monitor, computer, cellphone and even the table lamp. Staying totally in the dark. And right after that I feel a hellish pain spreading in my arm, specifically in my hand, that I see my vision cloudy, until I see nothing and lose consciousness.