Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

#intros

[28 march 2021, 10:22pm]

tubbo: HI IT IS ME THE BIG MAN :D figured this was the easiest way 2 talk im tired of putting things in ppls mailboxes 24/7. ik we all know each other this is just a formality because im cool and i do what i want and its funny to make people who know each other introduce themselves

tubbo: anyway hi yes
i’m tubbo
im 17
i like bees
i use he him pronouns
i love my son

ranboo: hi im ranboo i use they/he and im half enderman so basically do not look at me ever or else. also i love my son

tubbo: hey sexy

ranboo: i will LEAVE

BIG MAN: i hste this so muhc shut the fhvk up SHUT THE FUKVF IP

BIG MAN: do i have to do an intro

tubbo: i mean i cant force u but it’s very funny to make ppl who already know each other introduce themselves

BIG MAN: I AM TOMMYINNIT

jack: hello it is me. jack manifold. i am the true big man ignore tommy here

BIG MAN: okay.

[jack's name was changed to the cummer]

[the cummer's permissions were edited]

the cummer: WHO THE FUCK CHANGED MY NAME TO THE CUMMER

eret: eret here!! probably wont be in here much because im horrid with technology but hi :]

niki (she/her): uhhh anyways ! hi ! im niki ! im 19 and i use she her pronouns :] ! and i paint ! idk what else to say haha i do not like doing intros tubbo please let me free plea

philza minecraft: Hi i’m philza minecraft

tubbo: that was a good intro man. short and to the point

philza minecraft: Youre not getting any extra pocket money

tubbo: <//3 wait wdym “extra” you never gave me money in the first place

techno: cannot stress enough how much i don’t want to do an intro. this is not fun for me tubbo.

hannah: hiiiii <3
🌹 hannah rose
🌹 she/her
🌹 20

dream: Tubbo this isn’t funny

dream: Why is this and #prison the only channels i can see. Tubbo 

BIG MAN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

tubbo: oh sorry man! :]

dream: You opened up one channel labelled george simping.

tubbo: suck it up

drista: LMFAOOOOOOOOO hi im drista im the cooler sibling and i will not be here because i am too cool.

foolish: I dont want to do an intro but thank you for making this tubbo 👍🏻

Sam Nook: HELLO I AM SAM NOOK. 

sam: hi guys! I’m sam although you guys already know that ☺️

bad >:):

bad / badboyhalo
25
he/him/they/them
muffin enthusiast :3

skeppy: heyyyy lol

puffy: hi! Im puffy! Im 20 and I use she/her pronouns :] also Im starting a therapists office… pspsps you want to heal from your trauma so bad…

ponk: hiya im ponk i will drop by approximately once every three months god bless

fundy (NOT A FURRY): much like ponk i will probably not be here often ping me if u need me tho

ghostbur: Im ghostbur, he/him, Im 24, & tommy is my baby brother :)

BIG MAN: I M NIT A. BABY I AM SO BIG AND C0OL AND SYRONG AND YOU ARRE A PUSST GSHTOITBR I HTAE YUO

[29 march 2021, 2:45pm]

george: hey sorry i was sleeping

[28 march 2021, 9:14pm]

karl: im karl!! he / they pronouns please!!

#general

tubbo: ok i was right its rly funny to make people introduce themselves when we already know eachother

BIG MAN: I HATE IT SO SO MUCH TUBBO UNDERSCORE

hannah: i just used the same thing i use everywhere ahah

BIG MAN: oh shit there is a woman here

puffy: There are lots of women here tommy

BIG MAN: OH SHIT

bad >:): language tommy

tommy: fuck you

the cummer: did you make it impossible for me to change my nickname

ranboo: I literally hate it here

ranboo: please can this be a normal discord server? with the dream smp? no way!!

karl: ranboo sometimes I dont understand your jokes but they are very funny nonetheless

tubbo: SO SO TRUE

tubbo: ranboo is literally so so funny n smart i adore him

BIG MAN: THIS ID DISGYSTINH

tubbo: mewhen i see rnabo -> flushed emoji waoh

ranboo: …

foolish: Okay how do i leave the server

BIG MAN: no it is okay instead of us leaving we should kick out ranboo

tubbo: noooo <//3

the cummer: back to more important topics

MEE6: the cummer, you have reached level 2!

the cummer: PLEASE I HATE THIS

[private channel: #mr-minecraft-&-family]

[members: ghostbur, BIG MAN, philza minecraft, techno, tubbo, ranboo]

philza minecraft: ??????????? Who are these children and why are they in my family groupchat channel

tubbo: I literally live in your house

philza minecraft: ????? NO YOU DONT ?????

techno: last YUO checked anyway

techno: nah im messing he lives in a mansion or some shit

tubbo: yeah no technos right im literally lying cuz its funny

ranboo: ghostbur, creator of the mr minecraft & family channel. with all due respect this man is not my father

philza minecraft: Fuck that. I am now

ranboo: oh

ranboo: hi dad

#war

ghostbur: Why do we have a WAR CHANNEL Im losing my mind ahhshsajj

tubbo: dont question it big man

ghostbur: There’s a war vc as well??? 

ghostbur: Tubbo, hopping into vc during a literal war: hey guys wanna play jackbox

BIG MAN: LMAO

#prison

Dream: No seriously this isn’t funny

tubbo: suck it up

Dream: Tubbo seriously

BIG MAN: nobody cares

tubbo: LMAO

sam: LMAO

#suggestions

sam: can we ban the children from the prison channel

tubbo: who will bully dream then 💔

sam: good point suggestion revoked

philza minecraft: Can we have a school channel

tubbo: no fucking way

philza minecraft: You motherfuckers need to LEARN

bad >:): rule against swearing?

tubbo: overruled

niki (she/her): tubbo with all due respect if you’re going to shoot down every suggestion why is there a suggestion channel?

BIG MAN: TUBBO CAN WE HAVE A DRUGS CHANNEL

tubbo: hell yeah

niki (she/her): oh

Chapter Text

[private channel] #trauminors

[members: tubbo, BIG MAN, ranboo]

tubbo: yall rockin with murder ⁉️

BIG MAN: i am rocking so hard with murder

ranboo: seconding what tommy said. 

ranboo: is this a channel for plotting crime

ranboo: tubbo

BIG MAN: i think it is also the i hate dream gang

BIG MAN: idk if uve got anything to be mad at him about ranboo but if u dont u r still invited to hate him

ranboo: haha yeah no i have my reasons

BIG MAN: hes a bitch innhe

ranboo: ya

ranboo: tubbo if this is a channel in which we will discuss crime. u might not want to add any mods who r not in this channel bc then they will see it

tubbo: oh thats a smart point

BIG MAN: add me as a mod big man

tubbo: no 

#suggestions

BIG MAN: TUBBO MAKE ME MOD

BIG MAN: TUBBO MAKE ME MOD

BIG MAN: TUBBO MAKE ME MOD

BIG MAN: TUBBO MAKE ME MOD

BIG MAN: TUBBO MAKE ME MOD

BIG MAN: WHY AM I ON SLOWMODE. FUCK YOU

tubbo: LMFAOOOO 

ranboo: environmental storytelling

ranboo: i dont know what that means btw

BIG MAN: why are they not on slow mode too

tubbo: they r a mod

BIG MAN: FCJK YVOU RNABOO I BATE HOU SO MUCH

[private channel] #trauminors

tubbo: btw big man leave tower plz

tubbo: u have been up there too long

BIG MAN: no i am guarding

tubbo: i have gaps come get them

BIG MAN: bring them to me

to: ranboo aka enderboy, ranboo

tubbo: eyup ranboo my beloved

tubbo: would u like to go on a make tommy leave tower mission with me

ranboo: yes

tubbo: coolio

#events

puffy: I am once again stating that my therapist’s office opens soon please dm me or something if you need help 

BIG MAN: pussy

puffy: <3 love ya too tommy

eret: im having a picnic on saturday for anyone who wants to go!!!

BIG MAN: free food?

tubbo: free food?

the cummer: free food?

techno: of course free food. mutual aid is important

BIG MAN: shut up

techno: go read kropotkin child

tubbo: what are you talking about i just want food

eret: yes the food is free :]!!!

BIG MAN: ILL BE THERE

eret: lmaoo

#general

tubbo: yall really breaking in all the channels huh

ranboo: why are u texting instead of talking to me >:(

BIG MAN: RANBOO TAKING A STAND AGAINST RANBOOPHOBIA 🙌🏻 WE LOVE TO SEE IT

BIG MAN: HE DOES THIS TO ME TOO. TEXTS SOME GUY NAMED RANBOO INSTEAD OF TALKING TO ME. PISSES ME RIGHT THE FUCK OFF

tubbo: i literally do not

tubbo: i literally did not even bring my phone at all last time we hung

niki (she/her): dramaaaaaa *sips tea*

foolish: Yah they do this

puffy: god im going to have to start offering family counseling huh

ranboo: not for my family

ranboo: we love our son

tubbo: why are u texting instead of talking to me >:(

puffy: both of u put ur phones on do not disturb oh my god

sam: therapuffy moment ☺️

BIG MAN: HELLO SAM

BIG MAN: HELLO SAM

BIG MAN: HELLO SAM

sam: hello tommy!!

BIG MAN: MODS ARE OFFLINE EVERYONE SWEAR

the cummer: FUCK

philza minecraft: FUCK

bad: LANGUAGE -_- <3

philza minecraft: Why are the mods just two children

philza minecraft: Why are there no adults on the mod team

#suggestions

philza minecraft: We need adults on the mod team jesus fucking christ

[private channel] #trauminors

BIG MAN: philza wants adults 

BIG MAN: philza wants adults 

BIG MAN: philza wants adults 

BIG MAN: answer me

BIG MAN: @tubbo @ranboo

tubbo: oh shit uhhhh

tubbo: i dont trust anyone here LOL better change that

tubbo: does sam nook count as an adult

BIG MAN: he probably reports to sam sorry lad

tubbo: hmm foolish maybe? or niki? there nice, or puffy but idk if she has to report back to anyone?

ranboo: hang on

To: foolish

ranboo: hey foolish u rocking with crime ⁉️

foolish: Lmao??????? what????????

ranboo: im jk but like. if we add u as a mod will u stay out of the private channels pretty please

foolish: Yeah sure idc

foolish: Im kinda busy building ur house lmaoooo

ranboo: throws gold at you. build white boy build

foolish: LMAO

[private channel] #trauminors

ranboo: [uploaded 1 screenshot]

tubbo: ill add him

[private channel] #mods

[members: tubbo, ranboo, foolish]

ranboo: congrats

foolish: Thank u ran

ranboo: anything for u go build my house now

ranboo: i am kidding pls im not mean

foolish: Lmao youre fine

#suggestions

philza minecraft: Wow this is the first time any of you motherfuckers have listened to me

karl: JUST REALIZED. WHERE ARE MY FUCKING FIANCÉS. 

tubbo: im sorry im sorry

#welcome

—> quackity#6969 hopped into the server

—> sapnap#6969 just landed

#introz

quackity: no

sapnap: hello I am karls and quackitys fiancé

#suggestions

karl: balance has been restored

#general

karl: my fiancés are here

niki (she/her): pogchamp

karl: where did tubbo go i want to thank him personally

philza minecraft: He died

the cummer: LMAOO

the cummer: rip lmfao

[private channel] #trauminors

BIG MAN: why the fuck are u guys outside my tower

BIG MAN: go away

tubbo: u do realize ur not a gaurd right

BIG MAN: ur gonna trip

tubbo: shit thx

BIG MAN: yw

BIG MAN: leave

tubbo: no <3

#general

karl: where is tubbo i miss him already

BIG MAN: off being a Pussy probably

sapnap: L

#prison

quackity: IS HE STUCK IN HERE LMFOAOOO hi dream

Dream: Literally it was funny at first but now it’s not. Can you tell the mods they’re being unreasonable and stupid?

quackity: no

Dream: ...

quackity: youre a bitch dream

sapnap: what’d he DO to you LMAO

quackity: his fav shade of green is ugly

karl: SO SO SO TRUE QUACKITY. POP OFF.

Dream: ...

Dream: For real though. Let me out, I want to be connected with the rest of you.

sam: no

to: ranboo aka enderboy, ranboo

tubbo: so that could have gone better

ranboo: all things considered it wasn’t that bad tbf

tubbo: yea

tubbo: dude he was fucking freezing in the gard tower:(( 

ranboo: i know :( he passed out like the second he sat down i hope hes ok

tubbo: can u keep watchin him just in case he wakes up im gonna get him another blanket

ranboo: ya i got u

Chapter Text

#prison

BIG MAN: SAM CAN I VISIT DREAM PLEASE

sam: absolutely not, god bless

BIG MAN: ah,

Dream: ??

#general

skeppy: @mods can i hve mod powrrs for a sec

Foolish: Are u gonna change jack’s name again -_-

skeppy: nah

Foolish: Then sure

skeppy: thx

skeppy: k dnoe

Foolish: What’d u even do lmao

Foolish: BADBOYHALO IS NOT A DILF!!!!!

dilf: SKEPPY >:( LANGUAGE

skeppy: AHAHHASHAHAH

dilf: i cannot take you ANYWHERE i swear

BIG MAN: YYUO DONT EVNE HAVE NA CHILD

dilf: …

Foolish: Isnt sapnap his kid?

BIG MAN: FUCK YV;=IY RUFYI YOU FYJVK YIYH

skeppy: chuld yiu cnt evn tyoe sit down

BIG MAN: IU AN NTO A KID I AM. A BID MAN I AM TALL AD STROGN AND YOU ARE ALL COWARDS AND EVIL I HATE YUO

puffy: Just got here wtf is happening

dilf: uh. I’m a dilf apparently,

puffy: diagnosed with dilfism come down to my therapy office we can talk about things like how to cope with being diagnosed as a dilf and how to not be possessed by an egg :]

skeppy: well now you’ve gone and made ir awkward havent you puffy

dilf: spoiled all the fun 🙄

dilf: how do i change my username btw

puffy: with all due respect I think the fun was spoiled when people started dying

BIG MAN: puffy at it again with the hot takes

sapnap: tell me why I woke up to the experience of seeing my fucking father being called a fucking dilf I am at my LIMIT !!!!!

sapnap: sorry dad i meant freaking

sapnap: go up to the server name and click on it, it’s the fifth button down

puffy: its literally 5pm why are u just waking up now

quackity: because he was having so so much sex last night

BIG MAN: oh i know LOADS about sex. and WOMEN!

Foolish: Arent you like 16?

BIG MAN: HOLY DHIT HOLY FUCK IM LITERLLY SEVENTEEN W HAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUVK YWHAT THE FUVK

BIG MAN: AND I HAVE HAD SO MANY GIRLFRIENDS

BIG MAN: SO THERE!!!!!

ranboo: hey big man since u know so much about women can u drop the link to how to sex 2? 🤨

BIG MAN: r

BIG MAN: ranboo?

ranboo: yeah whats up

BIG MAN: ?

Foolish: wow Ranboo knows what sex is. incredible. 🙄

BIG MAN: motherfuckers…….

BIG MAN: i am absolutely NOT sharing how to sex 2 with u

ranboo: :(

ranboo: …pretty please?

BIG MAN: NO!!! it is for My Eyes Only tall bitch !!!!!

tubbo: ranboo doesnt know how to have sex KEKW virgin

bad: language 🙄

ranboo: which of us are you language-ing

bad: all of you! <3

the cummer: bad im sorry to tell you this but they are not going to stop saying fuck

the cummer: shit mate im still the cummer aren’t i

the cummer: please @mods can i have username privs

tubbo: what if i timed him out for pinging the mods needlessly

BIG MAN: AHAHAHAHHA

ranboo: lmao do it

philza minecraft: Its fucken chaos here who put a bunch of children and foolish in charge

ranboo: “minors, plus… mark, and im rockin with mark cus mark is rockin with us” /reference

tubbo: thanku foolish for rockin with us

Foolish: I dont know what that means

ranboo: foolish be like so i go over to my besties tubbo and ranboo, (they are not my besties they have enslaved me), and i go, “can i please have a break?” and they go “no! in fact you’re a mod of a discord server now! go, fetch! and i go, “why are you doing this to me?” and they go, “because this is the dreamsmp, and life is a fucking nightmare!!!” /ref

tubbo: JOFH MULEAJRY

ranboo: so true tubbo

Foolish: I am so confused

Foolish: am I too old for this. Is this like a gemini/milennial thing???

BIG MAN: ??????????

Chapter Text

#general

BIG MAN: JUST LEARNT ABOUT PRONOUNS! FEELING GOOD!

puffy: ????? Tommy I mean this with the ultimate respect but how did you not know what pronouns are

BIG MAN: I KNNEW WHAT PRONOUNSN  ARE -__-

BIG MAN: listen i read about it on a twitter thread so idk if any of it was right

BIG MAN: but like puffy your pronouns are she/her cus we call u she and youre a girl i think i got it

puffy: yes Tommy my pronouns are she/her

puffy: isnt ranboo literally nonbinary how do u not know this /lh /nm

BIG MAN: i would never talk to ranboo they SUCK

ranboo: wowwwwww

ranboo: u can dm me if u have questions abt pronouns tommy im happy to answer

BIG MAN: dm’s are for PUSSIES ranboo

to: ranboo aka ranboo

tommy: hi ranboo

ranboo: can I screenshot the notif and send it to general for the LOLz

tommy: ya go ahead

#general

ranboo: [image attachment]

puffy: LMFAOO

to: tommy aka BIG MAN

ranboo: so what do ya wanna know ur highness

tommy: how do people know what their pronouns are. tubbo asked me how i knew and he was joking but I realized id never thought about it before so. figured id ask

ranboo: hmm okay

ranboo: so do you know what cis means?

tommy: tubbo explained it to me it’s like when youre not trans right? 

ranboo: ye exactly! so most cis men would use he/him, and most cis women would use she/her. there’s some who use other pronouns but thats not super common.
cuz pronouns are like.. theyre a way of expressing gender u know? so like someone could like he/him and not be male, or they/them and not be non binary, et cetera.
but aside from people who use other pronouns like that most cis people just know like “oh doctors saw me and were like “thats a girl” and I was like “ok” and she/her pronouns make me happy”

ranboo: but for trans people it’s like. i’ll be honest since im part enderman im not really. good at understanding human gender? but the words that i use as pronouns are he and they bc those are the ones that dont make me uncomfortable.
ive thought of using neopronouns (basically any pronoun other than he, she, or they, theres lots) but idk any that fit

ranboo: sorry im talking a lot, gender is really interesting to me, i promise ill get to the point hjfdf

tommy: nah ur fine mate!

ranboo: a lot of trans people have someone use different pronouns on them to test out how it feels, or they practice writing out sentences using different pronouns on themselves. i dont really remember how it went for me (ranboo doesn’t remember something, wow, sadge) but a friend of mine had me use her pronouns in texts and stuff to see how it fit and it was helpful for her :]

tommy: oh cool cool

tommy: okay so like

tommy: this is stupid

ranboo: no dont worry! no such thing as a stupid question :]

tommy: if someone is trans male and he likes girls he would be straight right? but if he likes boys he’d be gay? does it change? like if someone goes from female to male can their sexuality change too

ranboo: i mean people’s sexuality can change over time, and ive heard of trans people’s sexualities changing when they get on hormones,, probably though if someone’s spending a lot of time questioning their gender theyre also questioning their sexuality which is why someone might go from identifying as a gay man to identifying as a lesbian

ranboo: does that make sense??

tommy: yea

tommy: ok im sorry i should probably google this but what is dysphoria?

ranboo: youre completely fine dont worry!! and basically its like. gender dysphoria is a feeling of Oh This Is Bad around things that are like. associated with a certain gender ig?

ranboo: like

ranboo: you know about boobies

tommy: I know about boobies yes

tommy: can I make an out of context channel to send that too after this

ranboo: go ahead ya

tommy: ok back to boobies

ranboo: ok so a trans man or trans masculine (trans masculine meaning someone whos assigned female at birth and well. transitioning to masculine haha) might look at their chest and go “this is generally associated with women/feminine bodies and I do not like that for me” and thats dysphoria. although sometimes its a lot less like that and a lot more like screaming

ranboo: but a trans feminine person might be like oh cool I have boobies pogchamp

tommy: i mean

tommy: …wouldn’t anyone want boobies? 

ranboo: i mean

ranboo: nnnnnno?

tommy: oh

tommy: continue

ranboo: so theres body and social gender dysphoria, which body dysphoria is like, “oh this part of my body feels Wrong for Gender Reasons,” and social dysphoria is discomfort with being seen as your assigned gender

ranboo: does that make sense?

tommy: yea

tommy: are you telling me not everyone wants boobs

ranboo: [eggshell cracking noises]

ranboo: oh u wont get that joke will u

ranboo: it’s a joke that’s like a trans person who hasn’t realized they’re trans yet is an egg

tommy: im the egg boy amogus theme song

ranboo: me when amogus 🤤

tommy: me when the imposter is sus 😳

#out-of-context

BIG MAN: [image attachment] boobys

to: ranboo aka ranboo

tommy: how do trans people find new names?

ranboo: i just put random syllables together and went with it tbh but a lot of ppl use baby name websites lol or steal names from their favourite characters/celebrities!

tommy: vikkstarinnit… /j

ranboo: VIKKSTARINNIT

tommy: I am asking for no reason of course I am just curious

tommy: also we are not besties we hate each other

ranboo: so true

ranboo: literally starting a twitter account thats anti you right now

tommy: enemies to worse enemies arc

[ranboo pinned a message]

ranboo: KEKW

#out-of-context

puffy: that notification worried me Tommy

BIG MAN: did u think I was sending boobys to the server wide channel

puffy: I really hoped you werent

ranboo: yeah no I can see where the concern was coming from

Chapter Text

#crime

BIG MAN: whats everyones favourite crime

puffy: going to therapy <3

BIG MAN: didnt u blow up the community house

hannah: puffy he fucking murdered you there’s no coming back from that

hannah: i dont really have a favorite crime. but if i had to choose probably shoplifting

sapnap: I like arson :]

BIG MAN: wow cool! one time I accidentally set a house on fire and then I was exiled :/

sapnap: what am I supposed to say to that

ranboo: mine is also arson

tubbo: I like war crimes

the cummer: murdering tommyinnit is my favourite crime

BIG MAN: oh cool btw how’s the hotel going

the cummer: it’s going great thanks

puffy: ?

BIG MAN: hello captain pussy

niki (she/her): I also like arson

tubbo: @dream you have temporary access to this channel. favourite crime go

dream: …

tubbo: well?

dream: Literally just let me talk to the other people in the server tubbo

tubbo: goodbye dream

BIG MAN: good riddance bitch

eret: lmao imagine destroying l’manburg

BIG MAN: I???

tubbo: ERET?????

puffy: please… I am begging… do not argue about l’manburg… what’s done is done…

tubbo: out of POCKET

eret: IM JK SORRY

eret: it was a little bit funny tho

BIG MAN: it was funny yeah

tommy to captainpuffy

tommy: **not about l’manburg** hello captain pussy i would like therapy

tommy: can I have a therapy please

captainpuffy: yes of course!! 

captainpuffy: officially my hours are 12pm-8pm on monday wednesday and thursday but im always willing to make an exception for you if you need it

tommy: does 3pm on wednesday work

captainpuffy: yes!! do you want me to book you in? I can send a reminder text if u want

tommy: yes and yes that’d be good

tommy: thank you

captainpuffy: of course tommy

tommy: u will diagnose me with Big Man Disorder

captainpuffy: see now that was a given Tommy

#crime

BIG MAN: my favourite crime is loitering

tubbo: ???????

tubbo: what about property destruction? :(

BIG MAN: thats always fun. and theft. but those are group activities

tubbo: shoplifting is kinda like theft @hannah you and tommy should go shoplifting together

hannah: this is the strangest matchmaking service ive ever seen /j

tubbo: inb4 “iM a MiNoR”

BIG MAN: IM A MINOR 🤬

BIG MAN: FUCK YOUT UBBO

sam: hi, prison warden here!

sam: WHAT is this conversation

puffy: ah you changed ur nickname back i see

BIG MAN: SAM

BIG MAN: SAM

BIG MAN: SAM

sam: TOMMY ☺️

ranboo: hello mr. dude

sam: hello ranboo! ☺️

BIG MAN: SAM WOULD YUOU LIKE TO DO ARSON

sam: no tommy I would not! thank you for asking

BIG MAN: :(

ranboo: well now you’ve gone and made him sad

BIG MAN: :(

ranboo: look what you’ve done

george: i think Tommy should be allowed to do arson actually

george: as long as it’s funny

BIG MAN: SO TRUE GEORGE

#general

ranboo: thinking about my son

ranboo: thinking about my son

ranboo: thinking about my son

tubbo: thinking about my son

BIG MAN: WE GET IT

tubbo: s hut up

ranboo: thinking about my son

tubbo: KEKW parenting locked channel when

ranboo: BAHAHA

bad:[reply to ranboo: thinking about my son]
me too ranboo

puffy: me too ranboo

tubbo: what about me :anguished:

ranboo: this isn’t about you 🙄 /j

tubbo: Sadge

ranboo: [uploaded 3 images] michael.

puffy: aww he’s so sweet!!

bad: the picture of him hugging his chicken!!! 🥺

tubbo: RIGHT?!?

karl: those pics are so good ranboo like even from just a photography perspective the use of lighting and perspective is excellent

karl: also ur son is adorable

ranboo: ty karl!!

ranboo to captainpuffy

ranboo: knocks gently on your door

captainpuffy: hi ranboo! what’s up?

ranboo: you’re a therapist right?

captainpuffy: mhm!

ranboo: do u do diagnoses and stuff?

captainpuffy: I do! I am a certified psychiatrist and therapist :]

ranboo: would you be able to see michael? i’ve seen a lot of signs that he might be autistic and i wanted to get a professional opinion, i’ve done a lot of googling and watching youtube videos from autistic people and stuff but for his sake it might be nice to know for sure so we know how to help him yk?

captainpuffy: I can definitely see michael!! would you and tubbo be able to bring him in sometime and we can talk abt signs he’s showing? my hours are 12pm-8pm on monday wednesday and thursday :]

ranboo: would 6pm on thursday work?

captainpuffy: that’d work! Do you want me to dm you Thursday morning to remind u?

ranboo: that’d be great thank u!!

captainpuffy: of course!!

ranboo to tubbo

ranboo: i dm’d puffy! 6pm thursday :]

tubbo: pog!!

tubbo: i have the notebook of research and stuff ill bring it in

ranboo: pog

ranboo: i found a really good website earlier 4 stim toys a lot of the ppl I watched said they were helpful ill send u the link l8r

#general

ranboo: i love my son so much

BIG MAN: we know

niki (she/her): he’s very sweet ranboo and tubbo!!

tubbo: yes he gets that from the underscore side of the family

ranboo: michael does not get his sweetness from the underscore side of the family. yesterday you told me you were going to remove my spine and use it as a decoration

puffy: my office is always open if y’all need it /j

bad: AHAHAH

Chapter Text

#general

tubbo: i think in another life im a bee

tubbo: bzz bzz

ranboo: tubbo what

tubbo: in another life i am a gay little bee shoveling flowers into my mouth at lightning speed

ranboo: bees dont eat flowers tubbo

tubbo: FUCK YOU

ranboo: :(

BIG MAN: FCKU HYOU TUBBO YOY MADE HIN SAD FHUK Y9OU

ranboo: thank u for standing up for me tommy <3

BIG MAN: of course ranboo

tubbo: what the fuck is this

BIG MAN: i am being a good good friend to my friend ranboo beloved

ranboo: i am being a good good friend to my friend tommy careful danger kraken innit

tubbo: this is bizarre

tubbo: fuck this

tubbo: @the cummer hi jack manifold!!!! Ilysm <33 

the cummer: hello tubbo underscore. you are a good friend of mine

niki (she/her): wtf wtf wtf

niki (she/her): not u breaking up the duo!!!!!

niki (she/her): @puffy hello my love

puffy: it’s literally 3 in the morning and I am being pinged

puffy: niki!!! <33

tubbo: ew gross love

puffy: you’re literally married

BIG MAN: LMFAOOOOO

BIG MAN: TAKE THE L

BIG MAN: LMFAO LOSER MARRIED BOY KEKW

BIG MAN: LMAO IMAGINE BEING MARRIED. CRINGE

BIG MAN: UNLESS IT IS RANBOO WHO IS NOT CRINGE. BUT ANYONE ELSE WHO IS MARRIED IS CRINGE

ranboo: thank you tommy

BIG MAN: yeah of course ranboo! I think your name is cool by the way

ranboo: your name is cool too

BIG MAN: one of my middle names is danger. thats very cool i think

ranboo: it is. my middle name is just “my”

BIG MAN: ranboo my beloved

ranboo: :]

tubbo: ranboo i thought you were my beloved :[

ranboo: i am! :]

ranboo: sharing is caring

niki (she/her): awwww so true ranboo!!

niki (she/her): puffy and jack can u share me

puffy: u mean… we could all be besties?

the cummer: ah like a threesome but for friendship

niki (she/her): …

niki (she/her): i fucking GUESS

BIG MAN: well we are not doing that

BIG MAN: i am having a rivalry. fuck you and your threesome i am causing tension.

ranboo: LMAO SO TRUE

the cummer: i have been reminded that my name is the cummer. please please please. please can i change it

BIG MAN: @ranboo make his name jack manifuck

BIG MAN: @ranboo make his name jack manifuck

BIG MAN: @ranboo make his name jack manifuck

BIG MAN: @ranboo make his name jack manifuck

jack manifuck: what the fuck >:(

niki (she/her): wait does everyone have nickname perms except jack thats so funny

tubbo: yes exactly we like to make fun of him :]

BIG MAN: there is no “we” here it is only “I” and my best friend ranboo beloved

puffy: WHAT is this bit

puffy: just watch like moana or something together jesus christ

puffy: it’s literally the middle of the night

puffy: /nm /lh

BIG MAN: ranboo my beloved. and that tubbo dude ig. would you and that other guy like to watch moana with me

ranboo: lmaooooo

ranboo: yeah sure

tubbo: tell him I want to as well

ranboo: tubbo wants to as well

BIG MAN: ok cool meet at my house in like 15 minutes?

ranboo: can we make it 20 I want to pick out the perfect dramatic cloak for the occasion 

BIG MAN: yeah 20 works

ranboo: pog

tubbo: tell him I say pog

ranboo: tubbo says pog

Chapter Text

ranboo to niki

ranboo: helo niki

ranboo: thinking of making a group chat for the trans ppl of the server so I can make stupid gender jokes n stuff. should I do it

niki: yes do it

ranboo: pog

#events

ranboo: not an event but im making a group chat 4 trans ppl (or if any questioning ppl r here u can join 2 of course!!) if anyone wants to join dm me and ill add u!! :3

trainsgender

welcome to the beginning of the trainsgender group.

[ranboo has added niki to the groupchat]

niki: hiiiii

ranboo: hi niki!!

eret to ranboo: 

ranboo!! could u add me to the groupchat? :]

ranboo: ofc!

trainsgender

[ranboo has added eret to the groupchat]

niki: hi eret!!

eret: hi niki!!!

bad to ranboo

bad: hi ranboo!! ^-^ is it ok if I join the trans groupchat?

ranboo: of course!!

trainsgender

[ranboo has added bad to the groupchat]

eret: hi bad! :]

niki: bad!!

bad: hi guys :3!!

sam to ranboo

sam: hi ranboo could u add me? ☺️

ranboo: ye ofc!

trainsgender

[ranboo has added sam to the groupchat]

ranboo: is this the 3-4 letter name gc and I just wasn’t aware? /j

niki: didnt u hear? u cant have a name longer than 4 letters and be trans it was in the latest rulebook /j

ranboo: smh the more u know

niki: im with fundy and hes too lazy to open discord but he wants to be added

ranboo: lmao mood

[ranboo has added fundy to the groupchat]

niki: he says “hello lgbt community”

ranboo: what sparked me making this was the urge to send a photo of my cat on a trans pride flag with the caption “for transgenders ONLY ‼️”

ranboo: hang on

karl to ranboo

karl: ranboo beloved could u add me to the trans gc?

ranboo: ye ofc!

trainsgender

[ranboo has added sam to the groupchat]

niki: ur just in time ranboos about to send a pic of their cat

karl: hell yeah

ranboo: [attached an image] for transgenders ONLY ‼️ 

ranboo: her name is enderchest btw :]

niki: HI KITTY

sam: she is a trans icon

karl: id die for her

fundy: enderchest!!!

eret: :D :D :D

bad: 💖💖💖 shes so sweet!!!

karl: your cat is trans now ranboo

ranboo: good for her <3

fundy: on the topic of being trans. sam?!? i did not know but swag dude trans pog

sam: yea! i transitioned when i was 15 and i forget sometimes that people i met after then don’t know haha

fundy: youre my dad now. congrats

sam: ahaha dad applications are open

ranboo: congrats. youre my dad now too

niki: sam three children arc

bad: sam i’m older than you but ill be Your parent if u want! ^-^

sam: heck yeah bad im your son now

ranboo: omg sam adopted arc

karl: sam will u be my dad

sam: yes

eret: sam can we be siblings. bad will you adopt me

bad: yes

sam: yes

ranboo: found family speedrun any%

karl: LMAO

tommy to ranboo

tommy: big man. biggest of men. 

ranboo: hi mate

tommy: how do i know if i am trans

ranboo: ummm

ranboo: well. a big hint is that youre asking in the first place /lh

ranboo: um. if u feel more comfortable w/ pronouns other than he/him thats a big hint. or if being called/seen as a man makes u feel uncomfortable. or if being called ur birth name feels wrong

ranboo: u dont have to know right now either, its 100% ok to take ur time. 

tommy: what do i do if i am trans

ranboo: i mean, this is kind of a non answer but anything youre comfortable with. if u dont want to come out at all, that’s completely ok. if u want to come out as soon as possible, thats also okay

tommy: its fucken

tommy: scary mate innit

ranboo: yeah

ranboo: realizing anything abt urself is terrifying esp when it’s something so big

tommy: yeah

tommy: i was uh

tommy: looking at names. just out of curiosity u know.

ranboo: mhm

tommy: possibly if it’s just the two of us talking with nobody else could u call me clementine? i want to see how it fits

ranboo: i can do that yea! 

tommy: ty ranboo

ranboo: ofc clementine

ranboo: anything I can do to help :]

Chapter Text

#general

BIG MAN: can I add god to the server

tubbo: go ahead

#welcome

—> dreamxd has entered the chat

#general

george: omg xd hi!!!!!

dreamxd: hi george!!!!!

Foolish: hi god

dreamxd: hi god

ranboo: what is this, godcon? where’s the ball pit?

tubbo: was that a dashcon joke

ranboo: yes

jack manifuck: why would you bring up dashcon in my holy christian minecraft server

tubbo: shut up jack manifuck

tubbo: be nice to my husband

sam: what the hell is happening here

BIG MAN: god’s here

BIG MAN: hi bestie

dreamxd: hi tommy

dreamxd: i was taking a nap actually so peace see yall later

ranboo: rip

george: i miss him :(

tubbo: lmao

tubbo: i do not miss ranboo seeing as he is sitting next to me right now

BIG MAN: i miss ranboo

tubbo: shut up

BIG MAN: no you shut up. fuck you

BIG MAN: @tubbo

BIG MAN: @tubbo

BIG MAN: @tubbo

tubbo: what

BIG MAN: tubbo will you teach me ukulele

tubbo: yea sure dose later today work im sitting next to my husband rn

BIG MAN: did you schedule Sit Next To Husband into ur calendar or something

tubbo: yes

BIG MAN: does 4pm work

tubbo: yea see u then 

tommy to captainpuffy

tommy: it is a Self Care Day!

captainpuffy: glad to hear it big man!

tommy: see pussy, I had the opportunity to go back to logstedshire. and then instead of doing that I stayed home and made tubbo teach me ukulele!

captainpuffy: im very proud of you Tommy

captainpuffy: I mean that, going back there would just be retraumatizing yourself and it would, as the professionals say, fucking suck

tommy: too true captain pussy!!!

captainpuffy: I’m glad u didnt do that and im proud that you found a healthy coping skill to use! Reiterating that because I know it can be hard to break out of that kind of habit so im super proud

tommy: thank you puffy ^-^ reiterating is a big word and it is for nerds only and so that means you are a nerd.

#general

niki (she/her): oh to be happily gay married and sit next to my spouse on purpose because I scheduled it into my calendar. @puffy

Foolish: IS THAT A PROPOSAL?

Foolish: I am so so confused

puffy: hey lol

puffy: hi niki

puffy: btw hi

BIG MAN: I hate it here

niki (she/her): tommy homophobia arc

BIG MAN: shut up 

puffy: go make a twitlonger loser

niki (she/her): LMAO

Foolish: AHAHAHAH

BIG MAN: am currently experiencing Harassment and Bullying. Not Fun!

quackity: any askers?

BIG MAN: quackity why have you betrayed me

quackity: well you see

quackity: it’s funny

puffy: LMAOOO

niki (she/her): get his ass

BIG MAN: 😧 going dark rn

BIG MAN: also IM A MINOR

BIG MAN: quackity this is literally one of the only times youve talked here and it’s to Mock Bully and Harass me. wtf.

ranboo: just got here who tf is harassing my bestie >:(((

tubbo: wtf quackity 🤬

quackity: oh god

tubbo: i am going to take all your organs out and sell them

ranboo: oh

quackity: im rather fond of my organs can i keep them please

BIG MAN: hello best friends <3 <3 

ranboo: hi!! :D

tubbo: hi tommy :D

tubbo: also @quackity no

puffy: ranboo i thought u and tommy unionized against tubbo?

ranboo: its ok tubbos cute he can stay

BIG MAN: WTF.

BIG MAN: for the sake of the bit i will not be killing you mercilessly 

BIG MAN: but know that i am VERY ANGERED by the fl*rting that has just occurred

puffy: whats that group name yall came up with

tubbo: bench trio?

puffy: does this mean the bench trio is back together?

ranboo: yes we love each other dearly

tubbo: tommy will you marry me

BIG MAN: WTF WTF WTF

BIG MAN: I WILL NOT MARRY YOU TUBBO

tubbo: see last time i asked someone to marry me he said yes youre being very rude rn 🙄

tubbo: (/j)

BIG MAN: i am going to murder you so much tubbo underscore i would never marry you

puffy: witnessing the downfall of the tommy and tubbo friendship

BIG MAN: we r CALLED clingy duo (because tubbo is clingy not because of me) fuckyou captain pussy

puffy: yes of course sorry tommy

puffy: witnessing the downfall of the clingy duo rn

jack manifuck: me when I enact my plan to literally murder tommy

jack manifuck: i have imminent plans to murder tommy I mean this

BIG MAN: LMAO as if

BIG MAN: u couldn’t bring urself to hurt me im too pogchampion

tubbo: yeah no jack mate ion think ur capable of killing

jack manifuck: that shouldn’t be as insulting as it is

ranboo: [reply to tubbo: see last time i asked someone to marry me he said yes youre being very rude rn 🙄]
this is untrue he was like “ranboo marry me” and i was like “yeah sure let’s flip a coin to see who proposes” and i was the one to propose. TUBBO said yes to ME.

tubbo: SHUT IP im trying 2 make fun of my bestie in peace

tommy to tubbo

tommy: best friend. bestie.

tubbo: hi bestie

tommy: quick question are you non binary because i know you use he/they pronouns so i was wondering

tubbo: nah im cis i just like they as well as he

tommy: ohh ty sorry i just realized i didnt know so i figured id ask

tommy: swag

tubbo: swag

#general

BIG MAN: tubbo you are a Pussy why are you making fun of a Big And Strong Man like me

tommy to ranboo

tommy: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

tommy: ranboo i think i am rocking with she/her pronouns

tommy: uhhhwhat do i do. how do i know

ranboo: do u want me to like write out a thing talking abt u in she/her pronouns and send it to u?

tommy: if its not too much trouble yea that’d be great

ranboo: ofc i gotchu gimme a sec

#general

tubbo: I am not a pussy in fact I am very brave and cool

tubbo: that is a fun fact about me is that I am so so cool

BIG MAN: so true tubbo

dreamxd: its ok tommy you are also not a pussy and are also in fact very brave and cool

BIG MAN: oh thanks god

Chapter Text

trainsgender

sam: now I know we have quite a few transmascs here so. listen up. I am putting my hands on your shoulders and looking you directly in the eyes, unless you dont like eye contact, in which I am looking off to the side or at the top of your head or something. listen. listen here. I know you are dysphoric and you’re shaving your head in the mirror. listen closely. you are running on two hours of sleep. go to bed. and when you wake up. do NOT trim the hair around your ears with scissors. you are exhausted. you are not a hair stylist, you are a seventeen year old boy. listen. you’re going to lop off part of your sideburn. it’s going to look ridiculous. please. promise me this. promise me you will not haphazardly chop at the hair around your ears. 

ranboo: SAM WHAT DID YOU DO

sam: seventeen was a hard year okay

sam: cupping your face oh so gently. promise me you will just use a hair razor and not a pair of scissors. 

ranboo: yes sam I promise

sam: good.

fundy: sam did you lop off part of your sideburn when you were seventeen

sam: …I cannot confirm or deny this.

fundy: SKDHFDJHFA

fundy: well. thanks for the advice dad.

karl: sam after singlehandedly saving the young transmasc community o7

ranboo: we appreciate your wisdom sam

niki: im not the target audience here but sam your advice is saving lives o7

sam: thank you very much everyone ☺️

#general

BIG MAN: pacing around my house like a caged animal bark bark grr someone start a fight with me im bored

puffy: have you tried, perhaps, not starting fights due to being bored and understimulated

BIG MAN: no. fuck you pussy

ranboo: would you like to go throw rocks at things

BIG MAN: YES

ranboo: want to break all the windows of the targay

eret: please no

ranboo: eret it has been “opening soon” since I got on this server

BIG MAN: YES I WANT TO BREAK ALL THE WINDOWS OF THE TARGAY

ranboo: OK COOL. ILL DROP BY UR PLACE IN A COUPLE MINUTES

#general

eret: the madlads actually did it

puffy: thats tommy and ranboo for ya

puffy: they’re just… like that, I guess

tommy to ranboo:

tommy: who did u say is in the gc

ranboo: ummm lemme check

ranboo: fundy, sam, bad, niki, karl, and eret

tommy: hmm

tommy: idk thats. lots of ppl

ranboo: its ok if ur not ready to tell anyone yet! im here for u regardless

tommy: i kinda want to tell tubbo first

tommy: but also like. what if im wrong

tommy: ranboo is this supposed to hurt

tommy: is it supposed to be this terrifying

ranboo: i am gently holding your hand through my phone screen /p

ranboo: if youre wrong, i mean. the absolute worst that can happen is u have to go back to using yr old name and pronouns and presenting the same way you do now

ranboo: and it’s terrifying as all hell. i remember when i started 2 realize i cried myself to sleep literally every night for a week (i never said this btw i am a big strong (ender)man and i do not cry)

ranboo: but it all ended up okay & i'm so glad i accepted myself :]

tommy: [reply to ranboo: if youre wrong, i mean. the absolute…]
going to guess that if i. feel sick at the thought of going back to presenting as male after theoretically coming out. that. means something huh.

ranboo: yeah mate it probably does

tommy: sorry for uhhhhhh being sad in your dm’s

ranboo: clem youre allowed to be sad in my dm’s thats like the whole point of friendship

ranboo: ily

tommy: ily2

tommy: changing my username to enderboy stan rn

#general

enderboy stan: new username >:]

ranboo: awww

enderboy stan: DONY FUVKING AWWW WME BITHC ILL KILLBYOU

tubbo: ugh fuck I wish id thought to make my name enderboy stan :[

enderboy stan: HAH its good isnt it

tubbo: very relatable 10/10

ranboo: awww

tommy to ranboo:

enderboy stan: when will the ability to change nicknames in dm’s be added to discord /mad /sad

ranboo: did you just make up ur own tone indicators /amused

ranboo: also <//3 idk mate

enderboy stan: yes

enderboy stan: clementine in her egg arc what will she do

enderboy stan: oh SHIT ok.ok. ok. 

enderboy stan: ok yeah no definitely onto something here with this uh. Girl Thing. 

enderboy stan: i think i want to tell tubbo sometime

ranboo: if u want i can come with u?

ranboo: i can also not do that depending on what u want

enderboy stan: could you come with me 

enderboy stan: plz. finger pointing right emoji finger pointing left emoji

ranboo: yes ofc

enderboy stan: now i am thinking like. who should i tell

ranboo to niki

ranboo: niki quick

niki: whats up mr boo

ranboo: ur openly trans right IHYFVEOF like ur not stealth

niki: correct

ranboo: ty am helping friend with trans thing

niki: ah tell them they can talk to me if they need!

ranboo: yes ty

ranboo to enderboy stan:

ranboo: i would say. ofc tubbo bc he’s ur bestie

ranboo: and u know niki is trans right. i think she could maybe help in ways i couldn’t?

ranboo: due to me being. u know. transmasc and not human

enderboy stan: [reply to ranboo: i would say. ofc tubbo bc he’s ur bestie]
tubbo is not my bestie we hate each other >:[

enderboy stan: but. yea youre right

ranboo: all on your own time of course

ranboo: little orange

ranboo: im calling you little orange now

enderboy stan: we are no longer besties i hate you now

ranboo: :[

enderboy stan: <3

Chapter Text

#general

tubbo: wtf is happening rn. 

niki (she/her): uhhhhhh

niki (she/her): nothing much that’s just phil getting swarmed by crows

tubbo: oh

tubbo: that just happens sometimes huh

niki (she/her): yeah

niki (she/her): I think he’s used to it

niki (she/her): ANYWAY. official mom friend here go the hell to bed it’s 5am

tubbo: :[ fine

tubbo: oh my god I love my friends so much what the fuck

tubbo: they aint do anything I just love them

niki (she/her): it’s appreciated but tubbo go to BED

tubbo: no im busy being Soft and Baby

ranboo: sleep

tubbo: im going to nuke you to death so so violently

niki (she/her): tubbo soft and baby arc is over i guess

niki (she/her): [reply to tubbo: oh my god I love my friends so much what the fuck]
felt this one

ranboo: also felt this one

enderboy stan: just woke up. felt this one tubbo

tubbo: fuck all of you. im tearing up. yall are so great I fucking. 

jack manifuck: so true tubbo I love all my friends, except tommyinnit who I am actively trying to murder. this is a confession to a crime. I am a criminal and a villain

enderboy stan: love ya too jack

jack manifuck: ??? this is baffling ive confessed to literal crime right now. why does nobody believe me

tubbo: lmao

Foolish: [reply to tubbo: oh my god I love my friends so much what the fuck]
so true tubbo

bad: [reply to tubbo: oh my god I love my friends so much what the fuck]
language, but so true tubbo

bad: WAIT WHERE’S ANT 😧

tubbo: is ant not in the server?!

tubbo: add him >:[

bad: no he’s here he’s just never typed I dont think >:[

bad: @ant

ant: hi bad!

bad: hi ant!! we are talking about loving our friends right now

ant: oh nice. I love my friends

ant: [reply to jack manifuck: ??? this is baffling ive confessed to literal cr...]
this is my favorite bit by far

jack manifuck: ??!?!!?!?

niki (she/her): ok all of you need to go to bed. unless you’ve just woken up in which case you don’t need to go to bed.

jack manifuck: ok fine goodnight besties and mortal enemy

ant: DJKDJKD

ant: I should go to sleep I was having sex with my boyfriend all night sorry

ant: this is a joke btw

bad: language 

enderboy stan: bad my friend you are fighting a losing battle

bad: ive chosen a hill to die on and I’m sticking with it 

enderboy stan: weird hill to die on but at least ur dead 🙄

enderboy stan: IM JK IM JK while I do wish you were not possessed and all ur pretty cool otherwise.

enderboy stan: i do not wish death upon you mx. halo. twitter you can press the delete button.

tubbo: it’s okay tommy twitter isnt real it was all a bad dream /j

enderboy stan: FIVUGEUF

philza minecraft: crows told me we’re doing a lovefest in here

philza minecraft: some of u are pretty pogchamp I guess

tubbo: so true philza minecraft

ranboo: so true philza minecraft

niki (she/her): so true philza minecraft

enderboy stan: so true philza minecraft. ok im fr going to bed because it’s like self care or something. 

tubbo: thats a great idea! i’m not! 😁

ranboo: gn!!

ranboo: tubbo im going to physically knock you out

niki (she/her): goodnight tommy!

niki (she/her): ranboo. u cannot criticise him for being awake when you yourself are also awake

ranboo: Yes I Can

ranboo: im retrieving him from the other side of this mansion rn. it’s bedtime >:]

tubbo: oh god

niki (she/her): GET HIS ASS

ranboo: tubbo update. I am forcing him to sleep. good night lads

niki (she/her): good job and good night! <3

bad: niki?

niki (she/her): yea?

bad: go to sleep niki

niki (she/her): i,,,,okay. ur right

bad: sleep well!!

niki (she/her): ty bad!!

Chapter Text

enderboy stan to ranboo

enderboy stan: uhhhhhareyoufreetoday

ranboo: ye ofc whats up?

enderboy stan: i think iw ant to. tell tubbo today

enderboy stan: i wanna tell him face to face

ranboo: how can I help? /g

enderboy stan: can u come with me? for moral support n stuff

ranboo: yea of course!

enderboy stan: ty boob

enderboy stan: nah i shouldn’t be mean to u when ur being helpful

ranboo: anything for u little orange

enderboy stan: ew stop affection /j

ranboo: <3 <3 <3

ranboo: when do u think u wanna tell him?

enderboy stan: when does he usually get up?

ranboo: it. depends. usually between 2pm and 6pm

enderboy stan: jesus

ranboo: yeah thats my husband for ya

ranboo: i can get him up earlier if thats easier for u? ill make them help paint michael’s room we’ve been working on that for weeks but keep forgetting and getting distracted

enderboy stan: ye that’d be good

enderboy stan: sorry to like. disrupt the routine hhkdfk

ranboo: it’s completely ok mate

ranboo: i dont think tubbo will mind either considering the reason

ranboo: ugh ive started saying mate so much philza’s rubbing off on me

enderboy stan: can I come over at like. 2?

ranboo: yea ofc!

ranboo: im gonna wake them up brb

enderboy stan: yes pog

ranboo: ok im back. will u wanna see michael? cuz I can get him excited to see aunt clementine later today

enderboy stan: yeah that’d be good 

enderboy stan: aunt clementine 😭 <33

ranboo: pog ill do that

ranboo: should I tell tubbo ur coming over then?

enderboy stan: ye tell him I want to talk abt something but nothing bad

tubbo to ranboo

tubbo: ranboo my beloved why must you wake me up at these horrid hours

ranboo: if we dont paint the walls now it’ll never get done <//3

ranboo: oh btw 3/3 bench trio meetup in a couple hours

tubbo: oh fr?

ranboo: ye

ranboo: tommy wants to talk to u abt smth (nothing bad dw)

tubbo: if it’s not about me getting lots and lots of money I dont want to hear it /j

ranboo: akjkaj unfortunately I think you are not going to have two husbands to gold-dig from sorry 

tubbo: did you just use gold digger as a verb

ranboo: yes

ranboo: ill paint the top parts of the wall and then ill bake pancakes deal?

tubbo: i mean. theres food involved. so hell yeah

ranboo to enderboy stan

ranboo: done

ranboo: see u then

enderboy stan to ranboo

enderboy stan: am nearing front door. say goodbye to your kneecaps

ranboo: oh god

ranboo: I made pancakes btw

enderboy stan: nice

ranboo to enderboy stan

ranboo: he’ll be here in like a second hes putting the paint away so michael doesnt like. destroy the entire house lmao

ranboo: am just gonna jump down from the second floor im too lazy to take the stairs.

ranboo to enderboy stan

ranboo: how r ya doin clem?

enderboy stan: im allg

enderboy stan: be right there sorry was having dramatic “splash water on face” scene

ranboo: ah, cant relate /lh

enderboy stan to ranboo

enderboy stan: i DID IT

ranboo: too true clementine 

ranboo: fr tho. im proud of you

enderboy stan: ty ^-^

ranboo: of course <33

Chapter Text

#george-simping

dreamXD: damn we have a whole channel for george simping? nice

Dream: This is the only channel I can access, other than the prison channel

dreamXD: ok?

dreamXD: anyway I think george is very pretty and stuff I am going to give him so many gifts now

enderboy stan: you’re a big fan of the gogy, would you say?

dreamXD: yes I would say that

enderboy stan: i am also a big fan of the gogy. a stan, perhaps.

enderboy stan: if I saw a Woman I would simply say hello I am friends with george notfound lore. and then she would fall in love with me

george: good morning why do we have a whole channel abt me when did this happen

tubbo: its been here the whole time big man

george: ah

george: well im flattered I guess

tubbo: see I espected dream to be annoying in here and make me delete the channel but he hasn’t touched it gotta say dreamxd being the reigning champion of the george sipming channel is a twist

#trauminors

enderboy stan: any of yall ever wonder if dream’s even capable of compassion at all?

tubbo: ayo? you ok?

tubbo: /g

enderboy stan: im good just like do any of yall wonder if he ever cared about anyone or anything at all

ranboo: i mean we’ll never know for sure bc we’re not him

ranboo: but what we do know is that he doesnt act compassionately

tubbo: I Think Dream Is A Bitch

enderboy stan: he used to say we were friends and i cant tell if he was lying #quirky 

ranboo: I mean,, did he treat you like a friend?

enderboy stan: sometimes ig

ranboo: real friends treat u like a friend all the time

ranboo: not conditionally

enderboy stan: ig ur right

tubbo: not as eloqent. but dream is a bitch and was not your friend ever

tubbo: and I want to kick him in the Balls

ranboo: ^ yes this

enderboy stan: ty yall

enderboy stan: *fuckboy face* this conversation didnt happen

#general

jack manifuck: Hello Citizens Of #General

tubbo: hewwo

ranboo: hi jack!

enderboy stan: greetings mortal

puffy: there’s three types of people

Foolish: god I want some ice cream rn

puffy: four kinds of people

enderboy stan: who here thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth

puffy: …five types of people?

puffy: youre a hazard to society

Foolish: why. Why would you .. why would you attempt that

Foolish: what is the purpose

tubbo: yeah, youre a hazard. AND a COWARD. do 20

puffy: ?????

enderboy stan: i wanna know how many I can put in my mouth. pussy mind your business

puffy: this is bullying

ranboo: discord user enderboy stan #6969 having a bullying arc

enderboy stan: so fucking true

enderboy stan: i am so mean I am a bully

enderboy stan: see puffy this is why I hate womnfjhdkd I shouldn’t make that joke actually

ranboo: YOU CANTNGGHKF U CANT SAY THATTTTT

tubbo: i want to study you discord user enderboy stan #6969

tubbo: like a rat in a little box

enderboy stan: i dont want to be in a box :(

tubbo: u wouldn’t b in the box its an alegory

ranboo: i think its a simile actually but yeah

tubbo: shut up im dyselxic

ranboo: i 🧍 i cant respond to that

Foolish: yeah it’s a simile I think

techno: yeah it was a simile

ranboo: TECHNO?? i forgot u were in this chat lmao

techno: yes, unfortunately

techno: ok peace out bye

ranboo: and there he goes

techno: oh wait

techno: i use it/its pronouns now as well as he/him. bye for real now

ranboo: congrats and bye ig

enderboy stan: i love how casual that was

philza: a rare Techno sighting on this fine day

tubbo: hello philza minecraft 

philza: hello tubbo underscore

tubbo: FUCYYOU ITS TUBBO UNDERSCORE-BELOVED

philza: sorry mate

philza: hello tubbo underscore-beloved

tubbo: much better 😌

niki (she/her): can we talk about how that was probably the funniest conceivable way to come out in that instance

niki (she/her): no “oh! btw I wanted to tell you something,” just “I use he/it. ok bye.” legend shit fr

bad: language

bad: that reminds me: I wanted to bring up that I do use she pronouns in addition to they/he I just dont usually list them bc I truly do not have a preference

eret: oh we are pronoun twins!

enderboy stan: is it coming out day did I miss a memo /j

puffy: hello I am puffy and I like women

enderboy stan: SO FUCKING TRUE PUSSY.

[enderboy stan pinned a message]

enderboy stan to ranboo, tubbo

enderboy stan: WHAT IS HAPPENIG LMAO IS THIS A SIGN

tubbo: i have no idea girlboss

ranboo: have u replaced big man with girlboss just now tubbo

tubbo: yes

enderboy stan: i fucking love that

enderboy stan: in my girl boss arc rn

ranboo: the two genders, girlboss and big man

enderboy stan: i am not ready yet but oh this IS funny as fuck

#general

niki (she/her): women

puffy: yes normalize this!!!

philza: I agree niki thanks for sharing

eret: I also women :]

sam: women pog

karl: women pog

fundy: women pog

bad: women pog

quackity: women pog

ponk: women pog

jack manifuck: women pog

ranboo: glad we are all in agreement

hannah: 😳

hannah: women r cool n stuff 😳

puffy: omg hannah wlw arc? congrats!

hannah: i women <3

puffy: so true

puffy: me when I see niki

niki (she/her): AWW

niki (she/her): when I see puffy my heart soars and I turn into a better and happier version of myself. I hear love songs in my head like they’ve been suddenly unpaused from another room. the world seems brighter, I am happier, I am at peace, I

puffy: AWWW

enderboy stan: wait thats a real thing I thought we were just kidding

ranboo: h

ranboo: having a crush?

niki (she/her): ,,, did u think crushes weren’t real? /gen

enderboy stan: no i just like. thought it was when ur like. “oh this person is cool I wanna hang out with them”

tubbo: im fairly certain thats just wanting to be someones friend, discord user enderboy stan #6969

enderboy stan: m. ,much to think about it i guess

enderboy stan to ranboo, tubbo

enderboy stan: WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME

enderboy stan: clementine will be like “doesnt everybody want boobys? isnt all media lying about what a crush is?” and not think anything of it

ranboo: bestie im afraid to tell you this

tubbo: [reply to enderboy stan: clementine will be like “doesnt everybody wa…”] context? context for me?

enderboy stan: lemme find the text sksksks

enderboy stan: 

>ranboo: but a trans feminine person might be like oh cool I have boobies pogchamp
>enderboy stan: i mean
>enderboy stan: …wouldn’t anyone want boobies? 
>ranboo: i mean
>ranboo: nnnnnno?
>enderboy stan: oh

tubbo: BAHAHA

#general

enderboy stan: anyway I think women r cool

hannah: so true

hannah: any truers in chat?

puffy: so true

jack manifuck: so true

ranboo: so true

niki (she/her): so true

Chapter Text

#general

enderboy stan: uhhhh

enderboy stan: @dreamxd hey god I just fell off a balcony and now my leg hurts can u come help -_-

dreamxd: christ

dreamxd: yes but just this once

enderboy stan: thx im by the river

#general

techno: hello everybody I have no place else to share this so I will share it here

techno: lord of the flies is a good book, BUT. but it is so easily misinterpreted that it’s infuriating. 

techno: the point of lord of the flies is NOT that humans are inherently evil and are going to kill each other. the point of lord of the flies is that 12 year old rich white boys are going to be shitty to each other when left alone

techno: because if you left pretty much any other demographic alone to fend for themselves they’d band together. it’s been documented. humans aren’t inherently selfish. it’s societal. if I may, it’s capitalism, especially, making people fight each other for basic needs.

techno: frankly, if the kids hadn’t been raised in a society that glorifies having to fight for necessities, I think it would have gone differently

techno: okay goodbye again

tubbo: based

ranboo: based

ranboo: techno is our local cryptid I like that he shows up every once and a while says something and then immediately leaves

tubbo: ive never read lord of the flies

ranboo: i read the sparknotes

puffy: im obsessed with all of you

niki (she/her): hey sorry to break up the party but have any of yall been reading the news recently? /gen. bc apparently in psmp [assassination warning] ||penisunavaliable assassinated shittyfartbaby69 :((|| literally its out of control I hope theyre able to strip penis of his power bc this is like.. unacceptable imo 

philza: yeah mate I heard about that.. I tend not to talk politics but genuinely penis needs to be fought back against

philza: i heard their friend milf could’ve stopped it but didnt :( it’s disgusting 

ranboo: damn I hadn’t heard about this at all jeez.. can u send a link for me to read up on it? 

niki (she/her): i got u!! here’s a good documentary on the situation in penis smp, it’s got extra sources in the description ofc! www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

ranboo: tysm!

niki (she/her): sorry to bring the topic down guys :( umm @eret you mentioned wanting to have another picnic any plans around that?

eret: oh yea!

eret: yall im having another picnic!! outside my castle on saturday at 5pm!! there will b lots of pastries and also hot dogs. and lemonade

eret: it’s all free

enderboy stan: free food pog

enderboy stan to niki (she/her)

enderboy stan: HI SORRY this is out of nowhere uhm. hi can i tell u smth

niki (she/her): yeah of course!

enderboy stan: ok so uhhhhhhh

enderboy stan: i am in my woman arc

enderboy stan: this is to say. i am trains gender

niki (she/her): oh!! im so proud of you for figuring that out <33 what name and pronouns do u prefer? :o

enderboy stan: clementine and she/her!! :D

enderboy stan: ranboo mentioned u might b a good person 2 go to for like. trans stuff. so i wanted to tell u 

enderboy stan: ive only told u ranboo n tubbo so far

niki (she/her): thank u for trusting me with this <3 im always here 2 help n answer questions n stuff

niki (she/her): & dont worry i wont tell anyone! (unless u tell me to ofc)

enderboy stan: thank u ;-;

#general

jack manifuck: i heard free food

eret: yep! :D

ranboo: free food pog

eret: be there or be square! :3

Chapter Text

enderboy stan to ranboo

enderboy stan: hello ranboo my beloved underscore

ranboo: hello clementine middle name(s) innit

enderboy stan: (clementine careful danger tubbo-stan sword epic innit)

enderboy stan: trans groupchat link for me? finger pointing left finger pointing right?

ranboo: ye! :D

ranboo: discord.gg/fakelink69

enderboy stan: epic

trainsgender 

[enderboy stan has joined the chat]

[enderboy stan has changed their display name]

clementine: hello new woman just dropped

ranboo: wow u r so swag

sam: yooooo congrats clementine!! ☺️

niki (she/her): clem my beloved

clementine: i am in my Woman Arc

bad: hi clem!!! :D proud of u!

karl: waoh youre trains gender… thatse so epic…

eret: pog im so proud of u!!

fundy: proud of u :]

techno (it/he): am breaking my streak of Never Speaking In Groupchats. proud of u clementine 👍🏻

sam: obsessed with coming out by saying “new woman just dropped” that is comedy gold

clementine: ^-^

clementine: would you guys like 2 hear my full name it is so epic

bad: yeah hit us with it! :]

clementine: clementine careful danger tubbo-stan sword epic innit

clementine: 😎

fundy: woah shes right that IS epic

niki (she/her): im just glad to not be the only woman

clementine: we r unionizing

niki (she/her): #women

clementine: SO TRUE!!!

clementine: any wayz im not out 2 anyone but yall and tubbo so. yea

bad: yes gotcha!

fundy: yep! take ur time 

clementine: ok im going to go sit in my house staring at the wall for an hour or more see yall later 👍🏻

eret: oh

eret: u good?

clementine: ye im just vibing

clementine: see ya

bad: ,,,good for her I guess

#general

enderboy stan: god I wish I was a dandelion

ranboo: … fluffy?

ranboo: …dead?

enderboy stan: unapologetic. hard to kill. feral. filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in the way conventionality can never fully destroy despite its efforts. stubborn. happy. friends with bees. anti-lawnmower. full of wishes carried after I die. something with a lasting legacy

tubbo: edible

Foolish: Oh

enderboy stan: w,,,hat?

tubbo: u heard me

tubbo: chomp chomp motherfuckers

ranboo: u cant eat flowers tubbo

tubbo: yes I CAN >:(

enderboy stan: back to talking about me,

ranboo: yes of course my apologies for my husband

purpled: hi everyone

enderboy stan: holy shit PURPLED???

purpled: tubbos right. chomp chomp motherfuckers

enderboy stan: 😧

enderboy stan: u literally have not been in here once. not even in intros. the first thing u do is Taunt me. Harass me. question my Masculinity. you Mock me, purpled

tubbo: purpled I like you.

purpled: thank you tubbo

enderboy stan: i am Leaving im actually Gone. i hate you i hate it here all of you suck and i am so much cooler than everyone else

ranboo: :(

enderboy stan: not u ranboo

ranboo: :]

ranboo: this is so cool I am best friends with discord user enderboy stan #6969

enderboy stan: so so true

tubbo: :( what about me

ranboo: ur not my best friend ur my husband

tubbo: u choosing someone who is not a gay man over your husband, a gay man. sounds like homophobia ‼️

ranboo: please

ranboo: I hate it here

enderboy stan: omg??? ranboo homophobic real not fake???

purpled: isnt he married to a man

enderboy stan: ok and hes still homophobic 😤

ranboo: ur discord name is literally “enderboy stan”

enderboy stan: ur homophobic too btw. lets kiss

enderboy stan: /J SLASH J FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

tubbo: discord user enderboy stan #6969 at it again with the stealing my husband

ranboo: I’m Not Going To Kiss You. Ever

ranboo: sentences I never thought id have to say

enderboy stan: IT WAS A JOKE I HATE YOUUUUUUUU

enderboy stan: i am going to attack you irl i hate you 

ranboo: <3

tubbo: <3

Chapter Text

#general

enderboy stan: ayo @sam why cant I talk in the prison channel >:(

enderboy stan: AYO why r u a mod

tubbo: he made me mod him 

tubbo: I made him prommy not to go in the locked channels

ranboo: “prommy”

sam: sorry toms I didnt think we should b letting ppl talk to the prisoner without permission first in case of any escape attempts or anything

enderboy stan: >:( i want to bully him

tubbo: same

sam: sorry y’all 

tubbo: *bites you*. you now have +10 rabies

sam: ?????

enderboy stan: tubbo?????

ranboo: 0-0

tubbo: [you leveled up!]

tubbo: +500 XP

sam: ?????

ranboo: uhhh good luck with the rabies sam

puffy: i love logging online and reading sentences guys! great work

tubbo: rabies <3

puffy: u good?

tubbo: I wish I had rabies :(

enderboy stan: NO U DONT??

ranboo: INTETMET TRIVIA TIME

ranboo: OK SO DO YOU REMEMBRT THE whole thint with rabies pride forevef ago. WELL OK SO. the whole rabiosrxual thing actuall was a joke that got way out of hand!!it statged as rabies pride, a mobement that wad for augistic/neurodivergent trans people who were alwayf told they were “2 much2 handle” n “feral” and stuff ti be prouf of who they are!!!!!

ranboo: srry lol

tubbo: no wait thats so intersting come back

sam: i did not understand a lot fo those words but congrats it sounds dope

enderboy stan: oh i have stanned tubbo for years I can decipher this

enderboy stan: they said that the rabiosexual meme from forever ago came from a movement created for autistic and neurodivergent trans people who were insulted for being “too much to handle” to be proud of who they were

tubbo: u stan me? 🥺

enderboy stan: shut up i hate u die

ranboo: [reply to tubbo: no wait thats so intersting come back]
🥺🥺🥺

tubbo: <3

ranboo: hte guy who made it is active on tikjtok whivh is how i know about it!! 6he rabigosexual thighn started as a joke from his frienf but them ppl got a hold of it and it turned in2 a joke :( im p sure he gof harassed of the internet

enderboy stan: god that sucks

enderboy stan: thats super super cool tho!!

ranboo: once again: I Am Sorry

ranboo: starts talking. does not stop

tubbo: u dont have 2 feel bad for talking abt stuff king >:(

ranboo: sorry tubbo ur talk of wanting rabies jolted smth in my brain and I started thinking abt rabies pride. It is ur turn noe go talk about rabies

tubbo: I am going to eat bugs directly off the ground

ranboo: oh

tubbo: at Lightning Speed

sam: congratulations

enderboy stan: @dreamxd tubbo wants rabies

dreamxd: im not giving tubbo rabies

dreamxd: every day I get pinged for my God Powers rather than my many positive attributes 💔 

dreamxd: its against like. Universe Rules for me to use God Powers to harm ppl undeservingly anyway

tubbo: i deserve rabies /pos

ranboo: Please Stop Asking God For Rabies

sam: ranboo, holding his husband on one of those kiddy backpack leash things: 

ranboo: DJHHDHFJ

ranboo: truly the ranboo experience

puffy: yes this is true the underscore-beloveds show up to my office and ranboo is holding two leash backpacks, one for his husband one for his son

ranboo: ... i might buy those as a joke JHFJHF

tubbo: do it LMAO

ranboo: im on amazon rn do u want a monkey one

tubbo: FUCK YEAH

ranboo: bought

puffy: are y'all slash j or slash srs

ranboo: [attached 1 image] we are srs this is the receipt 

puffy: LMAO

tubbo: im in my toddler arc

ranboo: ew gross I dont want to be married to a toddler

tubbo: that’s fair. I am no longer in my toddler arc

tubbo: back to my RABIES ARC >:)

ranboo: this is why u need a little kid backpack harness, tubbo

Chapter Text

#suggestions

bad: can we have an eggpire channel plz ^-^

tubbo: yeah whatevs

tubbo: priv or open?

bad: private! uwu

tubbo: yeah done

tubbo: ill make u a mod so u can add ppl just dont go in the locked channels plz <3

bad: ya ofc

bad: we r going for a server takeover kinda thing not discord tampering :]  ^-^

tubbo: epic

[private channel: #syndicate]

[members: ranboo, philza minecraft, niki (she/her), techno, connor]

ranboo: I made us a channel :3

philza minecraft: nice

niki (she/her): nice!!

connor: 👍

ranboo: HE SPEAKS.......

connor: It will not happen again.

ranboo: :(

#suggestions

tubbo: what if i gave everyone mod. that would be pretty funny i think

ranboo: oh god

ranboo: please no

tubbo: ok everyone but discord user enderboy stan #6969

ranboo: LMAO ok maybe

puffy: I CANNOT figure out this bit you’re doing where u refer to tommy as discord user enderboy stan #6969

puffy: but I enjoy it

tubbo: glad u enjoy it discord user captainpuffy#1611

puffy: thanks discord user tubbo#0707

#general

puffy: pulling a techno rn

puffy: new puffy pronouns just dropped I now use all pronouns

puffy: ok bye im doing some gardening

ranboo: wait come back. All pronouns or jus she/he/they?

puffy: oh all prns

puffy: ok peace o/ ill be back

ranboo: good for them good for them

tubbo: GUYS I FOUNF SHEEP EMOJIS THEY R SO CUTE

tubbo: Ꮚ·ꈊ・Ꮚ

tubbo: LOOK AT THIS

• 　　　 /⌒⌒⌒ヽ
• 　 　 /~´　　　｀⌒ヽ
• 　　 (　 /⌒⌒⌒ヽ 　 )
• 　　( ＠/ ·　 · ヽ＠ )
• 　 (　 し、　ꈊ　　Ｕ　　) < ᵇᵃᵃ ~
• 　　(　　ヽ——イ　　) 　　
• 　　(　　　　　　　　) 　
• 　　　“し——–Ｕ“

tubbo: ✩ᏊꈍꈊꈍᏊ

fundy: I hate to tell u this but these are just not showing up on my phone like at all

tubbo: Ꮚ´•̥̥̥ ‸ •̥̥̥Ꮚ

tubbo: thats v sad

tubbo: theyre all sheep ^-^

fundy: very epic tubbo 10/10

tubbo: so true

ranboo: tubbo i like your sheep 

tubbo: thanks boo ^-^

ranboo: ofc bo ^-^

enderboy stan: ew gross

tubbo: homophobia arc?

enderboy stan: SHUT UUUP

tubbo: :0 mad at a gay man for calling out homophobia? hmm.. ⍨ (/j)

bad: tubbo in his Weird Emojis arc

tubbo: yeah about it? 🤬

ranboo: I like your weird emojis tubbo

tubbo: ⍢

ranboo: ⍢

bad: tubbo in his Married arc

tubbo: TRUE!!!