Work Text:
“Free will is a hoax” Ichigo muttered.
“I don’t think that means what you think it means.” Rukia shot back.
Ichigo’s wardrobe was huge, not in terms of size, but depth; and Rukia comically short. It was always hilarious to watch her dig around in his wardrobe, trying to pick out an outfit for him because she’d have to step inside the wooden frame and promptly drown amongst the racks of clothing.
“I know exactly what it means. It’s just a micro example of the same damn concept. There’s no such thing as free will, and you’ve proven that to me tonight.”
Rukia sighed, but she was unwilling to abandon her search for a perfect outfit just to go and hit the dumbass so she made do with balling up one of Ichigo’s shirts and throwing it at his head. It didn’t do much in the way of hurting him, but it carried the sentiment across well enough.
He flipped her off, his middle finger visibly slick with the hair gel he was using to style his hair.
“Again, not what you think it means.”
“It means that you’re forcing me to go on a date.”
“No. Free will being a hoax is an idea that relies on the assumption that hard determinism is true, that is: all of a person's choices are caused by events and facts outside their control. So, if everything someone does is caused by events and facts outside their control, then they cannot be the ultimate cause of their actions. Therefore, they cannot have free will. It is way more complicated a concept than your anti-social self pining over an imaginary boyfriend while simultaneously refusing to go out, and your good friends taking it upon themselves to remedy this situation.”
Ichigo scowled at her through the mirror but she was still not looking at him, so it didn’t have much effect. He didn’t trust himself to say anything either… because she sounded very intelligent just now and he hadn’t understood any of what she had said.
“I have clout on gay Tiktok because I am single and thirsty. Why are you trying to steal away my only means of any steady income?”
“You’re the son of a multi-millionaire.”
“And?”
Rukia decided to ignore him for the time being, because she had finally found a pair of pants that hadn’t been absolutely destroyed in Ichigo’s quest to be the filthiest human being alive on the planet.
“And you said it’s someone I know?”
“Yes. So you can’t back out. Cause he knows he’s going out with you, so he’ll know you stood him up.”
Ichigo rolled his eyes, moving to scoop up the pants Rukia had just thrown at him. They weren’t bad. Black leather always looked flattering on him and he had the thighs to carry it off too.
“Technically I can’t back out of something I never agreed to. Consent obtained by coercion doesn’t amount to consent.”
Rukia was now trying to wrestle a halfway decent tank top from the bottom of the pile of clothing at the bottom of the wardrobe and hence, found herself ill-disposed to respond.
“I don’t even know who he is!”
This made Rukia look up, finally. There was a smirk on her face that Ichigo really didn’t like.
“See, he doesn’t know that.”
“Oh, you asshole!”
…
On their way to the restaurant, Rukia asked Ichigo if there was anyone from their friend circle that Ichigo wished would be his mystery date tonight. A single name rose very clearly in his mind, bringing along with it an angry, crimson flush that had Rukia howling with laughter.
He won’t admit to it, though because there’s no way his friends could have gotten Sado to go out with him. Sado wasn’t interested in him. He never had been. Ichigo had spent a good part of his final year in high school trying to get the guy’s attention but it just hadn’t worked out.
They had been close friends since middle school had first started and Ichigo had had a giant crush on Sado for years before he began clumsily hitting on him in senior year. It was very clear though, from the way Sado ignored all of his hints, that he didn’t want things to go any further between the two of them.
Ichigo had felt too awkward (and hurt) after that to continue hanging out with Sado as much as he used to. Separate colleges and exhausting schedules were as good an excuse to hide behind as any.
It had been so long. He couldn’t even remember when they last hung out.
“Oh my god, you’re so fucking dramatic! It’s just a date, you don’t have to look like you’d rather die than be in your position right now!” Rukia scowled at him from behind the steering wheel. Suddenly feeling weighed down by the thoughts inside his head, he couldn’t bring himself to snap back quick enough.
“I wasn’t thinking about the date.”
“What were you thinking about, then?”
Ichigo shrugged.
“Is it Grimmjow?” He deflected.
Rukia blinked but didn’t take her eyes off of the road.
“Did you want it to be Grimmjow?”
“Not him, then.”
Rukia shot him a look, face carefully devoid of all expressions.
“But did you want it to be him?”
“He’s hot but… not really. Too aggressive.”
“Thought so.” Rukia nodded. “You need someone more stable, not less so. Someone who’s patient and grounded but also smart. You know, since you are, like, pretty fucking stupid.”
“Some best friend you are.”
“The very best, yes.”
…
Ichigo knew he shouldn’t be surprised when Rukia declared she would be sitting inside the car, parked right across from the window that Ichigo was presently sitting in front of, considering how she had zero shame and even less faith in Ichigo’s abilities to act like a human for one night, but he was still pretty pissed about it.
His date wasn’t really late so much as that he was ridiculously early, by a full half-hour, because Kuchiki Rukia was also a raging sadist. After sitting there by himself for over twenty-five minutes, and garnering all sorts of pitying gazes by fellow patrons and servers who probably thought he had been stood up, Ichigo knew he would be ready to cry tears of joy when his date finally arrived.
Before his date entered though, someone else did.
Someone who immediately caused Ichigo’s heart to fly up into his throat and lodge inside like a painful lump. Ichigo gulped, reached for his glass of water, and found it empty.
Cursing, he pushed the glass away, and a little too forcefully at that, for it went flying off the edge of the table.
Suddenly, every single eye in the restaurant was on him, including Sado’s.
Ichigo felt his face heat up as he scrambled out of his chair, muttering apologies to the server now standing in front of him, trying to assure him it was no big deal. Sado was now walking towards him. Death by sheer mortification sounded super dumb but sadly, that was exactly what things seemed to be leading up to for Ichigo.
“Ichigo.”
Sado placed a hand on Ichigo’s shoulder and Ichigo felt himself tense up. Sado hesitantly withdrew his hand, stepping back with a confused frown on his face.
“Hi! It’s been such a long time!”
Nervous as he was, Ichigo failed to notice how needlessly loud and high-pitched his greeting sounded.
Sado nodded… and took the seat across from Ichigo’s.
He felt his heart starting to pick up in pace. This could be nothing but a giant ‘fuck you’ from the universe handcrafted especially for one Kurosaki Ichigo. Just imagining having to turn away the only boy Ichigo ever had feelings for, for a random blind date he probably won’t like half as much made Ichigo feel as if his heart was splintering in two.
He forced himself to calm down and sat back in his chair after apologising to his server yet again for the mess he had made. The man reassured him that it was nothing, before scampering off, possibly to bring the table two new glasses of water.
Finally, alone, Ichigo let himself take in the guy in front of him.
He couldn’t look at Sado for very long though, because even with longer and messier hair, and in a shirt so tacky it might as well be a hate crime against the eyes, he was drop-dead gorgeous to Ichigo. Not only in the ‘I love this person’s personality so I am in love with their exterior’ way but in the ‘this dude just possesses every feature I am horny for’ way. It was disastrous and Ichigo tore his gaze away quickly, focussing it on a corner of Sado’s forehead because that was the least distracting part of him. It must have looked hella weird to Sado, but frankly, that was his problem, not Ichigo’s.
Plus, he needed to get the guy out of here, and fast. His date could be arriving any second now.
“So, Chado, how’s it been?” He asked, sounding awkward to his own ears. He bit back a wince.
“Are you ever going to stop calling me that?”
Sado had such a deep voice. Ichigo had forgotten how it made his toes curl up and his fingers tingle.
“What? Chado? No, that’s your name.”
“Is not.”
“Is too.”
Sado shook his head, a tiny smile on his lips. Ichigo didn’t even know why he was pretending like he cared. They both knew he adored the nickname Ichigo had given him when he had moved back to Japan from Mexico. It was their little thing and Ichigo had realised some time ago that he’d probably punch someone if they ever tried to call Sado by that particular nickname.
He realised he was smiling then, the memories sweet in the back of his mind. That must have been why Sado brought it up then, to ease Ichigo’s very obvious discomfort because that was just how he was. It was like he had a built-in Ichigo radar, fine-tuned to pick up on emotions Ichigo himself didn’t know he was feeling. It never failed to bring along a soft, fluttery warmth, the knowledge that someone out there cared so deeply about him.
Within a second Ichigo had decided, he’d rather spend this evening with the boy sitting in front of him than whoever his mystery date was supposed to be and that was exactly what he was going to do, too. Rukia could explain to the date why Ichigo had left and where he had gone. She had been the one to drag him into this mess after all.
It was high time Kuchiki Rukia got a taste of her own medicine. Her free will would no longer be hers.
… Ichigo was starting to see what Rukia meant when she said he didn’t understand what the concept was supposed to mean.
…
Convincing Sado to leave the restaurant had been surprisingly difficult.
(“But I thought you wanted to come here.”
“I didn- or I don’t anymore.”
“I literally just came in, Ichigo.”
“We can just go somewhere else, come on! You did bring your motorcycle, right?”)
Sneaking away without being noticed by Rukia had actually been easier, given how intently she was staring at her phone. Texting Renji, no doubt. Ichigo wished they would just suck it up and bone already.
Riding on Sado’s motorcycle gave Ichigo a valid excuse to wrap himself around the taller boy, arms around his waist for stability, chin on his shoulder to watch the road ahead and thighs pressed up against each other’s because they couldn’t not be. It was a good thing Sado was so strict with helmets and shit because Ichigo’s face was always aflame while he rode behind him.
Ichigo was a relatively well-built guy, so despite his average height, he rarely met other men who could make him feel small and protected in the way he liked. Except Sado. This mountain of a man could drown Ichigo in a one-armed hug and still have room to spare and it always left Ichigo with a wide, foolish grin on his face that he couldn’t possibly explain away as anything but giddiness.
Sado didn’t stop to ask Ichigo where he wanted to go next, simply driving his motorcycle through the city, ducking into alleyways Ichigo didn’t recognise, which opened up into busier streets that Ichigo had thought would take longer to reach. Happy and content for once, Ichigo closed his eyes and let himself tune it all out, enjoying the ride and the breeze and the smell of Sado’s same old cologne.
When the engine of the motorcycle died down, Ichigo opened his eyes and he found they were at the river bank, next to the bridge under which Ichigo had promised to protect Sado for as long as he could. Night suited the river well, Ichigo noted, the reflection of the moon and the stars in the calm, still water pretty enough to look like something straight out of a painting. He felt his heart rate pick up, and awkwardly, he pulled away from Sado and got off the motorcycle.
They parked it away on the road itself, taking the steps down to the riverbank in silence. Ichigo hadn’t thought of coming here when he asked Sado to leave the restaurant, but Sado had clearly had the right idea.
Once there, Ichigo threw himself down into the grass, on his back. He could still remember spending countless nights like this, laying in the cool grass under the moonlight, sharing a pair of earphones, and trying to not comment on how much they both hated each other’s music tastes.
Sado came to sit beside him, quiet as always. Ichigo had always wondered how someone who spoke so little had such a powerful presence. It was like, no matter where they were or what they were doing, once Sado entered a room, Ichigo just couldn’t look away from him. He’d gravitate to him, no matter how hard he tried to stay away and he couldn’t say he had ever felt like that about anyone else before.
He hadn’t realised when he had pinned his gaze on the other boy, but Sado had. He was staring right back at Ichigo, lips quirked up in a tiny smile and eyes soft like they always were.
“I didn’t know where you wanted to go but I figured this would be as good a place as any for our first date.”
Ichigo nodded, too busy admiring Sado’s lips to truly pay attention for a few seconds in the biggest cliche of the universe before he realised what Sado had just said.
He sat up straight, eyes wide and mouth open. Before he could say anything, Sado continued.
“I did find it weird that you had Rukia set this up. After you disappeared on me for so long, I wasn’t expecting something like this out of the blue.”
In a surprising show of expressiveness (by Sado’s standards) he shook his head, eyes now searching for something along the surface of the river water. Ichigo hadn’t dared to so much as breathe through all this.
“But then I guess you have always known I’ll come running the moment you call, huh?”
“I am sorry?” Ichigo muttered, still confused.
Sado nodded.
“You should be.”
“No! Like, excuse me question mark type of I am sorry.”
Sado stared, lips pursed and eyes a shade more guarded. He tilted his head a little to the side, much like a dog would and Ichigo knew he was mentally running through the entire evening once again, trying to figure out answers to questions that were yet to be voiced.
Ichigo on the other hand didn’t believe he could hear Sado over the thundering of his heart if he did choose this very moment to start talking.
“Rukia set this up. You never knew. You never wanted… to date me.”
It was rare, nearly unheard of, for Sado to mutter to himself. He was easily the quietest person Ichigo knew. He didn’t say even half of what he thought out loud, so for him to be thinking out loud…
Ichigo gulped.
How was this happening? Sado wasn’t supposed to be into him!
Next to him, Sado was quickly climbing to his feet. Ichigo wanted to stop him, but his legs won’t budge, nor would his voice rise.
Up on his feet and towering over Ichigo, Sado remained staring at him, silent, expectant, but only for a second. His characteristic patience was nowhere to be now, it seemed.
“I am sorry, Ichigo. I can drive you back right now but I will appreciate it if you just got a cab.”
Before Ichigo could have made sense of anything or come to terms with how quickly everything had gone downhill, Sado had turned away. He had barely taken two steps though, before Ichigo called out, his voice way louder than it needed to be, now that he had finally torn it out of himself.
“You are the one who didn’t wanna go out with me!”
Sado took two steps forward after Ichigo said that, almost as if his brain needed extra time to compute that he was the one being addressed here. When he turned around, his arms were crossed.
“Oh? Why am I here then?”
Ichigo had managed to turn around by now so that he was facing Sado properly, even if he was still having trouble getting his legs to straighten and actually stand up.
“I am not talking about now. Final year. Whenever I asked you out, you seemed so uninterested!”
Sado took a second to process that statement before tossing it away with a light huff that was as close as the boy was going to get to scoffing, Ichigo knew. It didn’t sit right with Ichigo, what with all the heartache Sado had already caused him and Ichigo felt a wave of bitter indignation sweep over him.
“You never asked me out,” Sado said.
“I asked you out all the time.”
“No.”
“Yes! Like that time I asked you to start coming to the dojo with me!”
“How was that a date?”
“How was that not a date?! Okay, and what about the time I asked you to come and help me deal with Nanjo and his guys? I had an entire thing planned! I even knew which ice cream parlour to take you to after but you turned me down!”
“Ichigo, again, how was that a date?”
Sado never raised his voice. It only got deeper, the more annoyed he became.
Ichigo couldn’t deal with how ridiculous this man was. Who demanded dates only be carried out in cafes and amusement parks?! Ichigo remembered how much he and Sado loved to tussle around (and genuinely enjoy it; not just because it was a valid excuse to grope Sado) and he had tried to put in the effort and plan dates that would involve something they had bonded over initially but now this baboon was telling him he didn’t even realise they were dates?! And somehow, everyone thought Ichigo was the more thoughtless of the two!
“I flirted with you all the time too!”
Sado raised a brow. He had heavy, dark brows that really added to the intensity of his face. Ichigo had loved the steady arch of them once, but he couldn’t appreciate them taunting him now.
“Now you are going to tell me you were flirting when you told me, repeatedly, how you were so strong you could ‘hand me my ass’ any day.”
“I was telling you how strong I was! Everyone likes a strong guy!”
“Seriously, who raised you, Ichigo?”
Ichigo stared.
“Who raised you?! How didn’t you…!-”
Ichigo’s reflexes were usually razor-sharp but this night and everything else about it was already so far out of the usual that he didn’t bother to ask how he didn’t catch Sado hurl himself at Ichigo’s seated form and knock him over. He felt an elbow in his stomach though, and that drew a hiss out of him. Sado, it turned out, only took that opportunity to pin Ichigo’s arms above his head, clasped together in his big, warm palms.
Suddenly, they were closer than they had ever been.
“This is okay, then?”
Ichigo gulped, anger easily giving way to something a lot more sweet and palpable.
“More than.”
Sado leaned closer, but he stopped before their lips could meet. Ichigo growled, and it only made the corner of Sado’s smile lift in a gorgeous smirk.
Ichigo licked his lips. Belatedly, the realisation settled in, that he was under Sado, pinned in place by his hulking form. His face erupted in red and Sado’s grin only deepened.
“Last chance to rethink this. I won’t be letting up for a while after this.”
“We’re in public.”
It was instinctive, and far from a rejection. Ichigo didn’t give a shit, but he needed to make sure Sado didn’t either.
“So what? You’ll protect me if anything happens. You promised.”
Ichigo grinned.
“Kiss me.”
Sado didn’t need to be told twice.
…
When Ichigo met Rukia next, his huge, dopey-ass grin was yet to die down. It had been scaring people left and right, accustomed as they were to Ichigo’s usual scowls.
Well, they could suck it. He had gotten himself the best boyfriend ever. He would smile as much as he damn well wanted.
“So, Mr. Free Will I take it last night went well?” Rukia smirked at him, but her fingers were drumming along the edge of her desk. She clearly wanted to know more, but in true Rukia fashion, couldn’t resist some good old ribbing.
Ichigo sat in the seat next to hers, nodding at a classmate who called out a greeting, before turning to her.
“Your first good decision in nearly nineteen years. Congratulations, lawn gnome.”
Rukia bowed theatrically.
“I was on a video call with Tatsuki, Orihime, and Sado. Tatsuki was complaining about how fucking weird you were as a child. Sado said you acted pretty aggressive during the final year of high school but otherwise you were a decent enough guy all around. I dug around a little because I couldn’t remember you being any different than usual in high school. It became obvious you were into him and even Renji could tell he has always been into you, so I decided to set you two up.”
“See?! It was obvious, right?! I was as obvious as I could be, and he claims he never fucking realised I was hitting on him.”
He was promptly pinched till he had to cry out loud.
“You fucking dumbass, no it wasn’t! I only figured it out cause I know you too well, though every day I wish I didn’t. You are an absolute idiot, Ichigo. You don’t know how to flirt or dress or fucking drive or what it means for free will to not exist. I don’t know how you’ve managed to survive for so long.”
“Well, I got myself a hot-ass boyfriend so I am clearly doing something right here unlike your useless, pining ass!”
“I got you a hot-ass boyfriend, loser. Not to mention, you could have gotten him a year ago if you only had a single braincell…-”
(… and so they carried on. You and I have both sat through too much BLEACH to not know that these two won’t shut up once they start. Though I do agree with Rukia that Ichigo is a fucking moron and it’s only for the best that he isn’t allowed free will, whatever the fuck he takes it to mean.)