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There’s a common theme to Yoongi’s nightmares.
Often, he dreams of drowning, eyes losing the distant shoreline as his head dips below the waves. Sometimes, he’s in the middle of an unforgiving storm with no shelter in sight. Or he’s trapped in an unfamiliar building that’s on fire, passing from one blazing room to the next with no sign of an exit. All of them situations with no signs of escape, aside from waking up.
And when Yoongi wakes, it’s always with a start. It’s no different this morning. His eyes fling open as he jolts, his chest rising and falling with quick, heavy breaths. It happens so often only a few racing heartbeats pass for him to realise what’s happening. He closes his eyes again and forces his breathing to slow until the panic subsides. It doesn’t take long, but he hesitates to open his eyes after his heart rate steadies.
Eventually he does, and he sees what he always sees after his nightmares.
Yoongi sits up to assess the damage and sighs. Sheets of yellow paper are scattered around the room. The alarm clock that was on his bedside table is on the floor alongside his desk chair and the hoodie that was slung over the back of it. His sock drawer’s hanging wide open, a few pairs spilling out from it. That’s a problem, he thinks. Since his nightmares became more frequent, he keeps most of his things stored away, but he’s not sure how much longer that’ll keep them safe.
He tries not to think about it as he gets out of bed to put everything back in its place.
☼
His mom’s sitting at the kitchen table when he goes downstairs for breakfast. She peers out at him from behind a newspaper.
“Sleep well?” she asks.
“Yes,” he lies. She smiles at him, although Yoongi’s not sure if she believes him.
He helps himself to a bowl of rice and sits down, picking at the banchan on the table between every few spoonfuls.
“Is that all you’re having? You don’t want any soup?” his mom asks when he gets up to do the dishes.
“I’m fine,” Yoongi says, clearing the plates away.
After he washes up, his mom pops out from behind the newspaper again. “Oh do you mind going to the grocery store today? We’re running low on…well, most things.”
He does mind, but he just says, “Okay.”
Yoongi tries not to go into town if he can help it. When he does go outside willingly, it’s to the stretch of beach down the small grassy hill his old house sits on. It’s rare that he sees anyone else there; there are only a few houses where he lives on the outskirts of their small, seaside town. He likes it like that, being alone.
He gives his mom a ride to the clothing store she works at before going to the town’s biggest supermarket, which isn’t very big at all. He keeps his focus on the shopping list she’s given him as he shuffles around the store, using a small pencil to cross off each item once he puts them in the little cart. Neither he nor the cashier make small talk at the checkout, and he leaves with everything packed neatly into his mom’s bags she keeps in the trunk.
That wasn’t so bad, he tells himself when he finishes loading the car.
“Hyung! Yoongi-hyung!”
Yoongi almost jumps at his name being called. He scans the parking lot and his eyes land on someone familiar. He freezes. Thinks his mind must be playing tricks on him.
“Yoongi-hyung!” Hoseok calls again as he bounds over to him.
Before Yoongi can say anything, Hoseok is hugging him. Once he’s over his initial surprise, he places his arms on Hoseok’s back. Over his shoulder, he can see Hoseok’s mother waiting by their car, waving at him.
“It’s good to see you,” Hoseok says as he lets go. He’s beaming as brightly as ever, just like the last time Yoongi saw him. His hair’s a slightly lighter shade of brown.
“You too,” Yoongi smiles shyly. He bows towards Hoseok’s mother across the parking lot in greeting before turning back to him. “But what are you doing here? I thought you were staying in Seoul over the summer.”
“I was going to, but my grandpa’s not doing so well,” Hoseok says with a sad shrug. Then he starts rambling, “I was also going to text you to tell you I’d be back but it was kind of a last minute thing, and I had to rush to pack and then I had to get to Gwangju and then get to here and I only arrived yesterday and—”
“It’s fine,” Yoongi says, shaking his head lightly. “I’m happy you’re here.”
Hoseok’s face lights up again.
“Oh, but I’m sorry to hear about your grandfather,” Yoongi quickly adds.
“Thanks hyung.” Hoseok looks back at his mom. “I should probably go, but let’s catch up properly, okay? When are you free?”
“Always, pretty much,” Yoongi says.
He watches Hoseok and his mom go inside the store as he gets into the car. He sits idly for a minute, convinced his thudding heart is somehow making the seat vibrate.
Crap, he thinks.
☼
Yoongi meets Hoseok when he’s 8 and the younger boy is 7. It’s summer and his parents had taken him and his brother to get ice cream and go to the beach. He’s not sure why they had to go to the beach in town; the beach by his house is perfectly fine. Much less crowded, too.
Yoongi’s a shy kid. He has a group of friends in his tiny class at school, but those boys seem to get along better with each other than with him. Outside of school, he sometimes likes to follow his older brother around like a shadow, but unless they’re playing video games together Geumjae isn’t all that willing to hang out with him either.
At the beach, his brother sees some of his friends right away and wanders off with them, leaving Yoongi to sit with his parents as he finishes his ice cream. The melting drops of soft serve race down the cone and onto his hand before he can stop them.
“Don’t you want to go and play?” his mom asks. He shakes his head.
Eventually, he gets up to dip his toes in the sea. He stands watching the waves crash in, burying his feet a little more each time they pull away.
A girl runs past him. A second later, Yoongi hears a shout and feels a spray of water hitting his side.
When he turns, there’s a boy about his height looking at him with his mouth hanging open.
“I’m sorry!” he cries. “I was trying to splash my sister!”
Yoongi looks at the water dripping down his arm and his shorts. He says nothing and walks back to his parents.
☼
Yoongi sleeps nightmare-free that night. He wakes up to a tidy room, relieved.
Hoseok messages him at some point during breakfast. His flip phone is buzzing on his desk when he goes back upstairs.
Meet at your beach after lunch?? ^__^
Yoongi smiles at the emoticon. His friend hasn’t changed.
Sounds good
Yoongi wonders if he should’ve offered to meet Hoseok somewhere closer to his grandparent’s place, but he’d rather they stick to the beach. He feels safe there.
A text comes a little after 3pm from Hoseok to tell Yoongi he just left his house. If he’s cycling, he should be there in ten minutes, but Yoongi goes down to the beach right away.
It’s hot. Yoongi peeks up at the clear blue sky from under his black cap as he descends the wooden steps onto the sand. Normally at this point in the summer, he only goes to the beach in the mornings or evenings when it's cooler or on overcast days. He thinks about going back to wait inside the house but he knows if he’s going to be nervous or tense or whatever, it’s better for him to be out there.
It’s not long before he hears a shout coming from behind him. He turns to see Hoseok riding along the path above him on his bike. Yoongi gets up as Hoseok comes to a stop too quickly and loses his balance, letting out a series of yelps in the process. Yoongi holds his hands out as if to catch or steady him even though he’s across the beach, but then Hoseok puts a foot down and hops away from the falling bike. He faces Yoongi and grins and Yoongi lowers his arms and smiles back.
They sit on the beach for two hours catching up, conversation light and easy thanks to Hoseok carrying it. Yoongi mostly keeps his eyes on the sea, watching the water glitter before them. He’s relieved his nerves dull enough for him to feel normal, or whatever the near-normal he feels when he’s usually around Hoseok. The last time they saw each other was only a few months ago in Seoul. Hoseok had just moved there for university while Yoongi was starting his second year. They attend different schools but they met up a few times before Yoongi decided to take a year out and move back home. Health issues, he told everyone.
Hoseok doesn’t bring this up. He just says, “I can’t wait until we’re in Seoul together again. No one’s showed me a better bingsu place yet.”
“Was it that good?” Yoongi isn’t a fan of sweet things, but he asked his roommate for recommendations of where to take Hoseok.
“I go every week!” Hoseok beams.
“Wow,” Yoongi says, surprised. “Alone?”
Hoseok nods. “Sometimes! If I can’t get anyone to go with me.”
Yoongi blinks as he remembers their trip to the dessert place and the small icy mountain they shared. “You can finish those portions on your own?”
“They’re not that bad,” Hoseok shrugs.
“They’re almost the size of my head.”
Hoseok giggles, like he does at most things, and Yoongi tries to ignore the butterflies in his stomach. He has to do this often.
It’s after five when Hoseok’s pocket buzzes. It’s a text asking him to help with dinner. Yoongi says he should get started on his before he goes to pick up his mom. When he leaves, Hoseok promises, “You’re gonna see so much of me this summer you’ll be sick of me by the time I leave.”
Yoongi’s knee-jerk reaction is to make a snarky comment, but he makes a split second decision to let himself be honest. “Never.”
☼
When his family sits down for dinner, Yoongi tells them Hoseok’s back in town. They’re delighted.
“That’s great, sweetheart. You should invite him over for a meal here,” his mom says.
“Yeah, keep him company. He must find this place even more boring after moving to Seoul,” his dad laughs.
Yoongi swallows a bite of fried fish. “Well, his grandfather’s sick so he’s here to help take care of him, but I said I’m free whenever he is.”
“Oh, that’s sad to hear,” his mom says. “Maybe we should make them something? They must be busy.”
Yoongi scoffs. “You know the Jungs would throw it out immediately.”
His dad opens his mouth to say something, but then he closes it and nods slowly in agreement as he helps himself to more rice.
Yoongi’s mom looks at him seriously, as if to say they’re not that bad. But then she suggests, “Well, we can just make something for Hoseok.”
“His mom’s here too,” Yoongi says. “And his dad and sister might be coming down on the weekends.”
“Oh, then we should definitely make them something,” his mom smiles.
“Hoseok’s parents are nice people,” his father adds.
Yoongi agrees. It’s just his grandparents who hate them.
☼
Yoongi’s second encounter with Hoseok is a few days after their first, this time at the beach by his house.
He sees the boy with the girl he saw before, along with a bunch of grown-ups. He recognises the elderly couple as his neighbours, the Jungs, who live in one of the houses he can see from his own.
The boy recognises him and waves. Yoongi stares back at him blankly.
His mom puts a hand on his shoulder. “Do you know that boy, Yoongi?”
Yoongi shakes his head. The boy starts running over to him.
“I think he wants to be friends,” his mom says, gently pushing him forwards as the boy gets closer.
“Hoseok-ah!” the old lady calls from across the beach. The boy doesn’t pay her any attention, not even slowing down until he’s a few feet away from Yoongi. He comes to a stop right in front of him.
“I’m sorry for splashing you again,” he says earnestly.
“It’s okay,” Yoongi says.
As soon as his apology is accepted, the boy smiles from cheek to cheek. “I’m glad!” he says, flapping his arms by his side for no reason before introducing himself, “I’m Jung Hoseok.”
Yoongi’s face stays serious when he replies, “Min Yoongi.”
“Do you live around here?” Hoseok asks.
Yoongi points at the house on the hill beside them.
“Wow! It must be nice to live right next to the sea,” Hoseok beams.
“Mm, I like it,” Yoongi says.
Hoseok spins around and points to where Yoongi knows the Jungs live. “My grandparents live over there.” He spins back. “I’m visiting for summer vacation! Wanna go play?”
“Okay.”
☼
Hoseok stays with his grandparents every summer after that, and he and Yoongi spend most of their vacation together, even when Hoseok’s grandparents move to be closer to the centre of town for convenience. The two become best friends, inseparable during their few weeks of vacation and, when they get older, often hogging their family computers to chat on instant messenger when they’re apart. And despite his aversion to heat and sunlight and the tourists that descend upon his town every year, summer becomes Yoongi’s favourite season.
☼
After their first catchup, Yoongi and Hoseok are soon back to their summers of before.
Or they almost are, at least. Yoongi doesn’t get all of Hoseok’s days, just carved out mornings or afternoons when he’s not with his family. But Yoongi’s alright with that. Hoseok wasn’t even supposed to be in town and Yoongi wasn’t sure they had any summers together like this left. They aren’t kids anymore, after all.
They split their time between the beach and Yoongi’s place, both empty when Hoseok comes over. Yoongi doesn’t mind what they do. He missed his friend more than he thought, but perhaps that was because he’d been trying not to think about him too much.
After a week, Hoseok asks if Yoongi wants to go do something in town. They’re sitting on the floor in Yoongi’s living room drinking lemonade, paying no attention to the movie they put on.
Yoongi looks down at his drink. “Not really.”
He expects to see disappointment on Hoseok’s face when he looks back up, but Hoseok doesn’t seem bothered.
“Bored of it all, huh?” he asks with a smile.
“I guess so.” Yoongi takes a sip of lemonade.
They pass the afternoon lazily. Hoseok eventually convinces Yoongi to let him read some of his writing. He grabs one of his yellow pads of paper from a desk drawer in his room, a mostly-finished short story scrawled over several pages. He looks away as Hoseok reads it but sits there half-expecting to be asked to clarify his messy handwriting. Hoseok seems to get through the story okay, though.
“Aish, it’s really good hyung,” he says when he’s finished. He lowers the pad and slowly flicks back through the pages.
“You have to say that,” Yoongi dismisses him, although the corners of his mouth lift a little.
Hoseok puts the pad on his lap and looks up at him. “Nu uh, you know I can’t lie.”
Yoongi’s smile widens, both at the praise and at his friend.
“Now will you let me read your poetry?” Hoseok asks eagerly.
“No.”
Before Hoseok leaves, he tells Yoongi he’ll be busy with more of his family visiting that weekend. “I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get away and see you, but next week?” he asks.
“Whenever you’re free,” Yoongi says.
☼
Yoongi has a nightmare in the early hours of Monday morning.
He hasn’t had one since Hoseok arrived. He knows his good patch was due to his friend’s company. He also knew it wouldn’t last.
He’s drowning in this one, fully submerged in a murky abyss and thrashing his limbs out in all directions. He’s shaken out of his nightmare as water floods his lungs, coughing violently when he opens his eyes. It’s still dark outside but there’s light moving about his room.
“It’s okay sweetheart,” his mom says from next to him, her hand light on his shoulder. It stays there as Yoongi hoists himself up, somehow groggy despite waking up in panic. His dad’s holding a torch, padding around the room and searching. He picks up Yoongi’s slippers by his bed, shaking them before putting them down in a different spot.
“Check if there’s glass in them before you put them on,” he says to Yoongi.
“Glass?” Yoongi croaks. He looks around his room and his stomach sinks.
His desk and drawers are both on their sides. A pile of clothes lay strewn across the floor. Small shards of glass glint under the torchlight at the foot of his bed and on the carpet, the remains of a shattered lightbulb.
“Shit,” Yoongi whispers. He wants to cry; out of anger at himself, out of feeling helpless. He looks at his parents. “I’m so sorry.”
His dad stops, his face sympathetic in the torch’s indirect glow. His mom’s arms reach around him as she says, “It’s not your fault.”
“It is my fault,” he says, his voice small.
“Yoongi,” his mom says firmly. He doesn’t say more after that.
She lets go to look at him. “You aren’t hurt are you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Why don’t you go sleep in your brother’s room for now? We can clean all of this up in the morning,” his dad says.
“No, I’ll clean up everything,” Yoongi says.
“We can help—”
“I’ll clean up everything,” he says again.
His dad sighs. “At least get some more sleep first.”
Yoongi goes to Geumjae’s room and sits on the bed. He looks at his brother’s shelves, full of photos and books and CDs and all of the other things Yoongi would leave around his room if it were safe.
There’s no way he’s going to sleep in his brother’s room. He doesn’t want to risk ruining his things.
He waits until he’s sure his parents have fallen asleep and quietly makes his way downstairs. He lets himself out the back door and walks down to the beach in the dark. He sits facing the ocean, letting the sounds of the waves drown out his thoughts. He holds his right palm out over the ground next to him.
The sand beneath rises up to meet him. Most of the grains stick to his hand, piling up upside down like an hourglass in reverse. Some fall back onto the ground. Sand is slippery to Yoongi, just like water.
He stays on the beach until dawn, forcing the sand up to meet him until he’s tired.
☼
Yoongi doesn’t see Hoseok on Monday. He receives an apologetic text explaining that he’s been given a mile-long list of errands. Yoongi doesn’t mind that much. It gives him time to put his room back in order while he wonders if there’s a way to nail his furniture to the floor.
He goes through his drawers, neatening up the mess in each. In between a pile of shirts in his dresser, he finds the wind chime Hoseok got him years ago. He inspects the glass bowl at the top, fireworks in full bloom painted on it in vibrant strokes. Luckily it’s still intact, no cracks or scratches. He remembers the summer Hoseok bought one for each of them at a small store in town.
“I’ve always wanted one of these!” Hoseok had said when they left, swinging his bag up in front of them.
“You didn’t have to get me one too,” Yoongi told him.
Hoseok nudged him with his shoulder. “It wasn’t that expensive,” he said. “Plus you won’t let me get us friendship bracelets, so matching wind chimes will have to do.”
Yoongi wraps up the wind chime extra tightly and puts it back in the drawer.
☼
The next day, his mom has an afternoon shift, so she persuades Yoongi to go grocery shopping with her in the morning.
“It’s not good for you to stay cooped up inside the house,” she says. Yoongi knows she’s right so he reluctantly tags along.
He drives them there despite his tiredness. He had no nightmares last night but it took him a while to fall asleep, and once he did he woke up several times. He grips the steering wheel to ground himself, his anxiousness making him feel as if not all of him is there.
He trails his mom around the store, pushing the cart along and wishing he had some sort of distraction from his unease. He starts reading labels just to give him something to do. When he finishes with a tub of gochujang and puts it back into the cart, he sees packs of instant ramyeon floating inches off the shelves next to him.
They fall as soon as Yoongi notices, but his panic dials right up and suddenly the items in his cart start to drift upwards. He takes a deep breath and attempts to send them back down. Not all of them do. It’s a small blessing the store’s near empty at this hour on a weekday morning.
“Mom?”
His mom turns around and looks at him and then at the items suspended in mid-air. For a split second, she looks as worried as he feels.
“I’m gonna go wait in the car,” he says, backing away. The remaining groceries drop back down into the cart.
She nods. Her sympathetic smile almost covers her concern. “Okay honey.”
Yoongi leaves the store, barely stopping himself from breaking out into a run. He gets to the car and lies down across the backseat, looks up at the sliver of blue sky he can see through the window as he tries to calm himself.
When he gets home, he gets a text from Hoseok asking if he’s free today. Yoongi thinks it over before he replies. Nothing has ever happened when he’s with Hoseok, but that doesn’t mean it won’t.
I can’t today. Tomorrow?
A reply comes right away.
Ok hyung! See you tomorrow
He falls back onto his bed, wishing he could see him today.
☼
Hoseok doesn’t reply when Yoongi messages him in the morning.
Feeling better, he asked Hoseok if he wanted to meet at the beach. After two hours go by with no response, Yoongi wonders whether he should call him. He decides not to. Hoseok might just be busy again.
The sun’s already set when Yoongi’s phone rattles on his desk while he’s writing. He stares at it blankly for a second, slightly annoyed that his concentration’s been broken, but when he realises it could be Hoseok he drops his pen and grabs it.
Hey sorry I’ve been at the hospital all day. Grandpa suddenly felt sick. The doctors say he’ll be fine but they’re keeping him here as a precaution. Probably won’t be able to see you for a few days
Yoongi stares at the small screen and feels like an idiot. Why didn’t he think that could be a possibility? Has he even asked Hoseok how his grandfather’s doing over the past week? He fixates on the ‘sorry’ at the beginning of the message and wants to bang his head against the desk.
He quickly types out his reply and sends it, even though the words don’t feel right or enough.
I’m sorry Hoseokie. Is there anything you need? Just let me know and I’ll get it for you
Hoseok’s reply is quick this time.
Thanks hyung, I think we’re ok for now
☼
Hoseok’s grandfather is discharged from the hospital a few days later. Hoseok keeps Yoongi updated and texts him more frequently as the week passes. Yoongi can tell Hoseok’s mood brightens each day by the amount of emojis and exclamation marks he uses. They get back to their normal levels as his grandfather gets better.
Yoongi repeatedly offers to help out but Hoseok insists they’re fine. In the meantime, Yoongi gets back to the usual routine he keeps when he’s alone; spending a measly portion of his day on the beach and then holing himself up in his room the rest of the time. He’d been content doing this for several months before Hoseok arrived, but now he wonders if it had always felt a little boring.
He has another nightmare during the week. The damage is nowhere near as bad as the previous one but it still leaves him disheartened. When he goes to the beach in the morning, the sea’s rougher than usual. He walks towards the water, careful to stay on the dry part of the sand. When a wave crashes and rushes towards his feet, he sends it back without thinking and it charges towards the sea, meeting another oncoming wave with a huge splash. Yoongi stops. A chill goes through him, along with a few curses. He’s never moved that much water before. He stays on the beach for a while longer but moves back towards the grassy hill and stays there.
☼
On Thursday, Yoongi checks in again with Hoseok with a simple ‘how are you?’
Good but I miss you hyung!
Are you free today?
Yoongi types out ‘yes’ immediately, almost rolling his eyes at himself at his sudden excitement. But he’s very much aware that Hoseok only has a few days left in town. With that in mind, he thinks it would be nice to do something different, something for Hoseok. He feels like he hasn’t done anything for his friend over summer, unable to think of some way to help out apart from cooking his family a batch of mandu.
Of course I’m free. What time are you thinking? I’ll come meet you at your place
You sure?
Also like any time. All day ^__^
Yoongi gets on his bike and in ten minutes he’s on the street where Hoseok’s grandparents live. It’s not somewhere he goes often and he’s never been inside.
He takes out his phone to message Hoseok when the door to his place opens. Yoongi tenses, but he quickly relaxes when he sees two trash bags sliding around the door followed by Hoseok’s sister.
“Yoongi! It’s been a while,” she smiles. It’s the same as her younger brother’s, bright and warm.
“Hi noona, can I take those for you?” He puts his phone in the pocket of his shorts and extends a hand. He thinks he knows where the garbage collection point is on the street.
“Don’t be silly,” she says. She puts the bags down on the floor. “I’ll go grab Hoseok for you first, though.”
Yoongi picks them up. “Then I’ll take these while you get him,” he says, walking away before she can say no.
When he turns to make his way back to the house, he sees Hoseok running towards him. Hoseok crashes into Yoongi and wraps his arms tightly around him and, after regaining his balance, Yoongi hugs him back. They stay like that for a while, like it’s one of their goodbye hugs when summer ends.
He asks if Hoseok wants to go to the fish cake restaurant he knows he likes and Hoseok breaks out into a huge smile. Yoongi feels sorry he didn’t suggest going sooner. He’s still not fully comfortable with the idea of going into town but he tries not to think about it. Besides, he’s always been okay when he’s with Hoseok.
They make the short walk to the centre of town, Yoongi pushing his bike along until he finds somewhere to chain it. Hoseok fills Yoongi in on the details of his grandfather’s hospital stay and how much better he’s been doing since.
“What about you? How’ve you been?” Yoongi asks.
“I’m fine,” Hoseok says. There’s a pause before he continues, “I mean, I was really worried about him but he really does seem okay now. I was also feeling kind of guilty for not being with him as much as I should’ve been.”
Yoongi nods, understanding. “I’m sorry for keeping you from him.”
“What? No, hyung, I was the one who kept coming over to your place. I was the one who wanted to spend all my time here with you.”
“I—” Yoongi starts before he can think of an end to the sentence. He decides to say the first thing that comes to mind. “I can’t complain about that.”
Hoseok giggles and Yoongi ignores how much he’s missed the sound.
“I still want to hang out all the time,” Hoseok says. “It’s a shame vacation’s almost over.”
“I know,” Yoongi almost sighs. “But you’ll be back to having fun in Seoul next week.”
“Ah, right,” Hoseok says. He closes the gap between them even more as they walk and their hands brush. “It would be more fun if you were there though.”
Yoongi’s glad his friend thinks so.
When they reach the main street, Yoongi wonders when he last walked around his town. Since he came home from university, he’s actively avoided the place. He doesn’t like the thought of being around so many people who might know him or his family and besides, it’s not like there’s a lot to do where he lives.
“This place really doesn’t change huh,” Hoseok says.
“No it doesn’t,” Yoongi agrees, noting the same stores in the spots they’ve stood for years.
They duck into the fish cake restaurant. It’s busy by his town’s standards and Yoongi has a sudden realisation that he’s in a room with more than three people.
His nerves start to fray. He puts both his hands on his lap under the table and keeps his attention on Hoseok while he tries to drown out everything else around him. They finish their food without anything strange happening, but Yoongi can’t wait to be outside again.
“Are you okay, hyung?” Hoseok asks when they get up to leave.
“Yeah why?” Yoongi lies, an automatic response.
“You just seem kinda—”
“Do you wanna go anywhere else?” Yoongi interrupts him, determined to appear as if everything’s fine. They step outside and linger on the sidewalk.
Hoseok pauses to think. “The beach. But by your place.”
“You sure?” Yoongi asks, although he’s relieved when Hoseok nods.
“Yeah, I like it there. Plus it seems like it’s kinda crowded in town today.”
They go to retrieve Yoongi’s bike before making their way to Hoseok’s grandparent’s place so Hoseok can get his. Yoongi feels better than when he was inside the restaurant but he’s wary of the knot in his stomach refusing to untangle, even though he and Hoseok are alone on empty streets. He grips the handles of his bike tightly, worried it might float away if he’s not careful.
Hoseok’s in the middle of a story when he suddenly stops.
“What the—” he says quietly.
Yoongi turns to see his friend looking past him, eyes wide open. He reluctantly follows them.
The parked car next to him is a few feet off the ground, perfectly still where it’s suspended in the air.
Yoongi cries out in surprise and the car crashes to the ground. Its alarm blares on impact. For a second, Yoongi is completely numb. Then the panic sets in.
He’s never moved something that big before. And Hoseok saw it happen.
He desperately rattles his brain for some kind of coverup, some believable lie, but he can’t even feign ignorance in his state of dismay.
He can’t face Hoseok. He doesn’t want to see his reaction to his little freak show.
He jumps on his bike and pedals.
“Hyung!” he hears Hoseok call out from behind him, but he doesn’t slow down until he’s outside his own house.
☼
Yoongi realises he has powers the same year he realises he’s in love with Hoseok.
The nightmares start soon after he turns seventeen. Each time he wakes up, he notices a few misplaced objects around his room; something tipped over on his bedside table or an item lying on the floor. He tells himself it’s nothing, that he just knocked it over in his sleep or something. Then one night he wakes up and half the objects in his room are in the air. Once most of his panic subsides, he figures out how to put everything down, feeling a strange energy pulsing through his arms as he does.
He waits until morning to tell his parents he turned out like his grandma.
She passed away when Yoongi was only small, so the only guidance he has is what his mom remembers of her powers. She doesn’t have answers for everything; she hadn’t thought to ask when neither of the boys showed signs of being like her after they were born. The main piece of advice she shares repeatedly is that her mother made an effort to leave the house each day, even if it was just for five minutes of fresh air, to make sure she didn’t get stuck in her own head. Things were always worse when she was.
It works for Yoongi too, most of the time. His powers stay under wraps when he’s out, and when he’s home he doesn’t do much with them, not even using them to help clean the house like his father jokes he should. It’s a conscious decision, fuelled by a foolish hope that if he leaves his powers alone, they’ll do the same with him.
When Hoseok comes down that summer, he deliberates over telling him. But the normalcy his best friend brings with him is too good to give up. He slips into it easily, spending their summer together as they spent their summers before, and Yoongi likes that he can pretend he’s no different either.
He also knows telling Hoseok would prove his grandparents right about his family. Then they’d have a real reason not to let Hoseok see him. Yoongi has the thought, too, that maybe Hoseok wouldn’t want anything to do with him anymore if he found out. It’s not a thought he believes, but that doesn’t stop him from thinking about it. And he can’t lose Hoseok.
Every day that summer it dawns on him a little more how deep his feelings go.
The point where Yoongi can’t ignore it anymore happens at the annual fireworks show at the end of their vacation. Yoongi doesn’t like crowds, so he and Hoseok wander away from them at the main beach together, telling their families they’ll be back once the display ends. They’re old enough now that their parents wave them off without a fuss.
They bring a set of sparklers with them. Hoseok waves his around with big motions, shouting and laughing as he does. Yoongi stands still with his, trying to spell out words before the sparks run out.
“What are you writing?” Hoseok asks.
“Our names. I can’t think of anything else,” Yoongi laughs.
Hoseok lights another sparkler and joins in, saying their names out loud as he spells them out together. Yoongi feels something warm in his chest.
When the fireworks start, they sit on the beach shoulder to shoulder and watch. It’s a modest display, but Hoseok still stares in awe and lets out a ‘wow’ every so often. Yoongi glances at him each time and smiles. His mood shifts to something bittersweet halfway through when he realises summer is over, that after the fireworks end they have to get up and leave. He wants to stay in that moment with Hoseok for longer than he knows it’ll last.
He wants Hoseok to stay.
He leans his head against Hoseok’s and his friend puts an arm around him and Yoongi feels like that’s where he fits.
☼
Yoongi gets off the bike and paces towards the back door, arms shaking as he does. He lets go and the bike remains upright. In frustration, he swings his arms down and the bike is thrown onto its side.
He can’t go in the house like this.
He runs down to the beach, heart pounding in his ears. He sits on the sand and starts to draw it up into his right palm then letting it fall again. He’s never been sure if he can wear out his powers, but he doesn’t think expending some energy can hurt. Sometimes it’s helped him calm his nerves. He hopes it does something now.
A wave laps at his sandalled feet. He turns to the water to see it retreat towards the shoreline, which he’s sure he wasn’t that close to when he sat down and—
“Hyung!”
Yoongi’s stomach sinks.
“Hyung are you alright?” Hoseok shouts.
Yoongi turns as he stands to see his friend get off his bike and run down the steps to the beach. “Hoseok wait!”
Hoseok stops in his tracks, still some distance from Yoongi, but even from here Yoongi can see how worried he looks.
“You should probably leave,” Yoongi calls out to him.
Hoseok doesn’t move. “But you’re not okay.”
“I will be!” Yoongi yells as convincingly as he can. “But I don’t think you should be around me right now.”
He feels water pooling around his ankles and looks down. The sea’s pulled in around him, hitched up to where he stands. He turns around. The waves ebb and flow with force now, almost enough to knock him over. His chest tightens again.
He’s sure he’s had nightmares that start like this.
A bigger wave rises in front of him. He closes his eyes and waits for it to crash when a pair of arms wrap around him from behind.
Yoongi doesn’t open his eyes for several seconds. When he does, he sees the wave that was heading towards him has levelled. The ocean still laps at him, but it’s noticeably calmer than before.
He doesn’t move or say anything. Neither does Hoseok. Yoongi tries to steady his breathing, just like after a nightmare. Once he’s grounded himself a little, he turns around and threads his arms around Hoseok’s waist without looking at him, putting his forehead on his shoulder. His breath catches in his throat and he feels tears threatening to spill, from relief or lingering fear he’s not sure.
“I’m here,” Hoseok says softly. “I’ve got you.”
Yoongi falls apart at that. He nods on Hoseok’s shoulder as he quietly cries and Hoseok holds him tighter. They stay like that for a few minutes until Yoongi’s tears stop rolling and he gathers himself together. When he lets go, Hoseok keeps his hands on Yoongi’s arms and smiles warmly.
Yoongi’s never loved that smile more than he does now.
He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand. “You weren’t supposed to find out,” is all he can say.
Hoseok hesitates for a moment before he replies, “Honestly hyung, I kind of already knew.”
Yoongi stares at him blankly. “Did…from your grandparents?”
There are a few people in town, elders mostly, who avoid Yoongi’s family whenever they see them. His grandma was careful with her powers, but she had a few mishaps when she was young. The kids in her school, including Hoseok’s grandparents, thought she was cursed and called her a witch. Some of them never let it go.
Hoseok’s arms fall from Yoongi. “What? No. I mean, kind of?” he stutters. “They said things like you were dangerous, a lot, but—”
“They’re right,” Yoongi says seriously.
Hoseok smiles again. “No offence hyung, but you? Dangerous?”
“You saw what just happened.”
Hoseok takes a few steps over to where the sand is dry and sits down. “You didn’t mean to, though, did you?” he asks as he crosses his legs and leans back on his hands.
Yoongi walks over to join him. “That’s what makes it worse,” he says quietly, wrapping his arms around his knees. The admission makes him feel like crying again.
“I have these nightmares,” he starts. “They’ve been getting more frequent and when I have them, I move things around in my sleep. My roommate in Seoul thought we had a poltergeist haunting the dorms. I was okay with letting him believe it until a lamp hit him across the face one night and left a bruise.”
“Was he okay?” Hoseok asks, concerned.
“Mm. He was sorta freaked out but not enough to move out,” Yoongi says. “I came home after that, though. I didn’t want to risk a bigger accident. And now I’m accidentally sending cars flying or commanding the oceans when I’m awake and I don’t know how I’m supposed to control it.” He takes a breath. “So, your grandparents are right.”
The sea’s retreated now, the shore in line across the beach. They both sit in silence until Hoseok shifts and leans forward. Yoongi keeps his focus on the sea but he can feel Hoseok looking at him now.
“Do you wanna know how I knew about you?” Hoseok asks him. “You’ve always done little things around me hyung.”
It takes Yoongi a second to realise what Hoseok’s talking about, but when he does his eyes widen. He glances at Hoseok, takes in his warm smile then looks away. “You noticed?”
“I noticed,” Hoseok laughs softly. “Like there was that time it was really windy and we were on the beach for some reason, and that giant umbrella that was coming right at us moved out of the way at the last second. And then the time I almost burnt myself on that match but it fell out of my hand without me noticing. And the time we were on our bikes and I had to swerve away from that pothole, and I came so close to falling over but somehow I didn’t.”
“Oh,” Yoongi says. He wonders if he should’ve been more careful or subtle with his powers around Hoseok. But he guesses it doesn’t matter now.
Hoseok smiles. “I mean, I wasn’t a hundred percent sure you were doing it so I didn’t wanna say anything. And I know you’re not the type to open up, hyung.”
Yoongi nods. “I almost told you every summer,” he says after a moment. “It’s not that I didn’t trust you, and I didn’t think you’d react badly to it. I was just…I don’t know, scared things would change, maybe.”
“I get it. Your secret’s safe with me,” Hoseok assures him. “And this doesn’t change the way I think of you. It didn’t when I figured it out, so it doesn’t now.”
Relief sweeps through Yoongi, maybe even more than when he opened his eyes and saw the ocean settled. “I’m glad nothing has to change,” he says, a small smile on his face.
“Nothing at all, hyung?”
Yoongi turns his head. “What?”
“Ah, nothing,” Hoseok says quickly.
☼
Yoongi and Hoseok are back on the beach again the next morning. Hoseok only stays for a short while; he has to start packing and help his family sort things out for when they leave. It’s a beautiful day, like most of their days together have been. A few fluffy white clouds drift overhead as they walk along the beach. Hoseok asks a few questions about Yoongi’s powers, but other than that, nothing is different than usual.
When Hosoek leaves, he makes Yoongi promise to meet him at the fireworks festival tomorrow evening.
“You don’t want to watch the show with your family?” he asks.
“And break tradition? How could you, hyung?” Hoseok pulls a hurt face and puts a hand over his chest.
Yoongi laughs soundlessly. “I’ll see you at our spot.”
Hoseok beams.
Later that evening, Yoongi hears the door to his house open. It’s too early for either of his parents to be home, but he’s still surprised when he walks out of his room and sees his brother’s duffle bag by the door.
“I thought you were coming tomorrow?” he calls out as he makes his way down the stairs. His brother always comes back for the fireworks festival, but usually he just stays in town for one night over the weekend.
“I took a half day,” Geumjae calls back. He walks out of the kitchen with a bottle of iced tea, dressed in his office attire of a white shirt and black trousers. “Why? Are you not thrilled to spend some extra quality time with me?”
“Of course I am,” Yoongi replies dryly. He picks up his brother’s bag and starts taking it up to his room.
“You don’t have to do that,” Geumjae says.
“I don’t mind. Go relax, drink your tea.”
“I can’t relax in this outfit.” Geumjae follows him up the stairs.
After an adolescence of merely existing in adjacent rooms, the two suddenly became close after Geumjae moved away for college even though neither of them expected to miss the other. Yoongi appreciates being able to consider his brother a friend, especially since he’s one of the only people he can talk to about his powers.
He asks Geumjae about work over iced tea before the two of them make dinner together. Yoongi insists he doesn’t need help but Geumjae isn’t having it.
“My cooking’s better than yours,” his brother says. Yoongi can’t argue.
Geumjae asks how Yoongi’s been doing, so he talks about his nightmares honestly. Then he talks about Hoseok being back in town and shares the incident with the car. He leaves out the part where he pulled in the tide; he doesn’t need more people worrying about that.
“Wow, so how’d Hoseok take the reveal?” Geumjae asks, scraping chopped vegetables from the chopping board into the stew they’re making.
“Um, he said he kinda knew already.”
“I knew it.”
Yoongi raises an eyebrow. “How would you know?”
“You guys are so close, he just had to know— think we should put the rice cooker on now?”
Yoongi looks up at the clock on the wall. “Not yet,” he says.
“Alright.” Geumjae turns the heat down on the cooker and puts a lid on the stew. “Also his grandparents have probably been drilling cursed Min tales into his head since he laid eyes on you.”
A laugh escapes Yoongi as they both move to the dining table to sit down. “They did tell him I was dangerous.”
“What about me? Am I considered a threat?”
Yoongi nods. “The whole family probably is.”
Geumjae grins. “Nice.”
After their family reunion over dinner, Yoongi goes back up to his room to read. Some time later, Geumjae knocks on his door to ask if he can borrow his headphones since he forgot his. He takes a few steps into the room while Yoongi gets them out of his desk drawer.
“Wow, it’s even emptier than the last time I was here,” Geumjae says.
“Yup,” Yoongi says, handing the headphones to Geumjae. His brother takes them but doesn’t leave right away. He stands still where he is, looking around the room.
“You know, maybe your subconscious would try harder not to break anything if you actually had stuff you didn’t want breaking in here.” He takes the headphones from Yoongi.
Yoongi squints. “I’m not sure it works that way.”
“It might,” Geumjae shrugs before he leaves.
☼
See you soon hyung ^_^
I’ll see you there :]
☼
The sun’s setting when Yoongi’s family arrives at the beach. He’s not sure if Hoseok’s there yet; he doesn’t spot his family amongst the crowds. He buys sparklers and places the pack into the pocket of his black hoodie before breaking off from his parents and brother. They don’t question where he’s going.
He spots a distant figure waving at him with both hands as he walks down the beach and smiles. The sun’s almost dipped below the horizon when he reaches Hoseok, and he takes in the sight of him in the fading light.
Beautiful, he thinks.
“I got five,” is what he says, holding up his set of sparklers.
“Me too,” Hoseok beams as he holds up his own.
They light them after the sun has set, like they do every year. Hoseok runs and spins with his while Yoongi mostly stays in the same spot, again like every year. After that, they wait for the fireworks. There’s about half an hour before the show starts so they sit side by side and talk, mostly about what Hoseok’s going to do when he goes back to Seoul.
“You don’t think you’ll come back this year?” Hoseok asks Yoongi.
Yoongi shakes his head. “Probably not.”
“Well if you come back next year, we’ll both be sophomores at the same time,” Hoseok says brightly.
“We will, huh,” Yoongi says. He smiles at the thought, but his pessimistic brain kicks in before he starts getting his hopes up. “If I sort myself out by then.”
“You will,” Hoseok says with no hesitation.
Yoongi stops himself from saying something cynical when the first firework goes up. Hoseok jumps in surprise and Yoongi starts laughing. Hoseok shoves him softly. Yoongi hooks an arm over Hoseok’s shoulders without thinking too much of it.
Around halfway through the display, Yoongi feels Hoseok place a hand on his. His eyes shift towards his friend but he doesn’t turn his head.
Hoseok lifts Yoongi’s arm from his shoulder and Yoongi thinks he just wants him off, but then Hoseok places Yoongi’s hand between both of his and links their fingers together.
Yoongi can barely focus on the fireworks with the nervous thrill in his chest. He glances at the sea for a moment worried he’s unconsciously stirring up a tidal wave, but even in the dark he can see the ocean is still.
When the last firework goes up, neither of them move. Eventually Yoongi rises, saying, “Guess it’s time to go.”
He looks back at Hoseok who hasn’t let go of his hand and that’s when he realises what he thought was impossible is actually very much real, for both of them.
Yoongi turns to fully face Hoseok and offers his other hand, helping to pull him up once Hoseok reaches for it. They stand face to face in the dark, and Yoongi’s heart is so loud in his ears that he almost misses Hoseok saying, “I never have enough time with you.”
All at once, Yoongi’s overwhelmed by what’s happening yet can’t quite believe that it is. Dazed, he rubs circles into Hoseok’s hands with his thumbs. “There’s always next summer,” he says, even though he—
“I want more than that, hyung,” Hoseok says softly. “I want...” he trails off, but Yoongi knows the rest of the sentence.
He closes the gap between them and lifts up on his toes as Hoseok leans down. Yoongi lets go of his hands and reaches up to cup Hoseok’s face when their lips meet, and he feels Hoseok’s arms curl around his waist, holding him as they kiss.
It’s another moment he doesn’t want to end. It’s another year he wants Hoseok to stay.
But after what feels like no time at all they break apart. Yoongi doesn’t know what to say, but he also think there’s nothing to be said. Not now at least. Those words can come later when they can finally stop running out of time together.
Silently, Yoongi takes Hoseok’s hand and they walk back along the beach. They spot Yoongi’s family as they near the crowds and say their goodbyes.
“Next year then, hyung?” Hoseok asks, his soft smile illuminated by the lights along the promenade.
“Next year,” Yoongi repeats. He hugs Hoseok tightly. When he lets go, the two smile at each other before Hoseok starts to walk off, looking for his family.
“Hoseokie,” Yoongi calls. Hoseok turns back expectantly.
“I’ll see you in Seoul, okay?” Yoongi doesn’t know how he’s going to pull himself together, but for once he feels optimistic about it. “Next year I’ll stay.”
Hoseok's smile stretches across his cheeks. “I’ll wait for you, hyung.”
He watches him disappear into the crowd, the sadness that hits him at the end of every summer sitting in his chest. But this year it’s a little lighter with the small hope of new beginnings.
When Yoongi gets home that night, he looks around his room and thinks about what his brother said. He opens one of his drawers and reaches between the shirts, pulling out the wind chime.
He hangs it up by his window. It’s a small trinket but it brightens up his bare room.
☼
It’s a few nights after Hoseok leaves when Yoongi has a nightmare. There are shadows chasing him through streets he doesn’t recognise. Just as he’s trapped in a corner, he hears something and his eyes open.
He looks around his room. In the darkness everything is still except for the wind chime, its ringing settling into something soft and slow.