Work Text:
Mercedes' Public Snap Story
Snap 1:
[Video Description: Close-up of Mercedes' face. Mercedes is beaming while someone else's hand reaches into frame and puts highlighter on her cheekbone to complete her made-up face. She smiles up at them, before flipping the camera to reveal Kurt. He also has some makeup on his face, and he smiles and waves at the camera.]
Caption: getting ready to go!
Snap 2:
[Video Description: Kurt is walking away from the camera and down a sidewalk, away from Mercedes as she films. Transcription below:
Mercedes: So here he is, looking all pretty... Come back tomorrow for when he looks fucked up as hell.
(Kurt spins around and glares at her)
Kurt: I am not going to look fucked up because I am going to come straight home this time.
(The camera flips to Mercedes' face. She looks skeptical.)
Mercedes: You're not coming straight anywhere.
(Kurt's gasp and then his surprised laughter can be heard just before the video cuts off.)]
Caption: I know I'm gonna have to pick his ass up from some guy's house tomorrow I know it
Snap 3:
[Video Description: A crowd of people in someone's basement. There are glowing purple lights and Drake is playing incredibly loudly. The crowd is jumping up and down on beat and singing along. The camera suddenly flips to Mercedes' face as she sings along too. Santana is standing next to her and, upon seeing Mercedes' camera, she promptly shoves her face into frame and grins.]
Santana's Instagram Story
Clip 1:
[Video Description: A Boomerang of Mercedes, Kurt, Tina, and Elliott doing shots.]
Video Text: bottoms up bitches
Clip 2:
[Video Description: Tina, Mercedes, Elliott, Artie, and Dani are sitting around a table in the kitchen with several other people playing Uno. Transcription below.
Mercedes: Wait, really? I don't remember that being a rule.
Artie: Let's be real here. There are no rules in Uno.
Elliott: The only rules of Uno are the ones you can convince everyone else exist.
Tina: First rule of Uno is I get to dispose of any cards whenever I want.
Elliott: Go fuck yourself.
(Santana snickers behind the camera and Tina lets out a startled laugh.)]
Clip 3:
[Video Description: Slowly zooming in on Dani's face. She looks a little lost. She has no cards left and is staring at her hands, which are resting on the table. Transcription below:
Dani: So when I win... what do I do now? I can't play anymore...
Santana: (behind the camera) Just sit there and look pretty.
Dani: (beaming at Santana) Oh, that's where I'm a Viking!]
former goth bitches anonymous (Tina's Private Snapchat Story)
Snap 1:
[Video Description: Santana cuddling a bottle of orange juice, looking a little teary-eyed. Transcription below.
Tina: (behind the camera) Hey 'Tana. What did you say that orange juice was named?
Santana: (sounding a little choked up) His name is Dynamite Minecraft Cover!]
Caption: no one taking this orannnge jucie from her is is her son now!!!!!¡
Mercedes' Public Snap Story
Snap 4:
[Video Description: Close-up of Mercedes' face. She is now outside, but the music can still be heard. Transcription below:
Mercedes: We fucking lost Kurt!
Tina: (sticking her head into frame) Get some, Kurt! Whoooo!
(Tina cackles and falls out of frame. The camera tilts and only just captures Elliott catching Tina and cackling along with her. She smacks him in the chest, then his arm, then his leg as she falls out of his arms and onto the grass.)
Santana: (off-camera and sounding very forlorn) Guys, I can't find my shoe!
(The camera swings back to Mercedes.)
Mercedes: (yelling) I can't find my Kurt!]
Caption: right after this some short brunette girl with a very loud voice told us that she saw him leaving with a friend of hers. thank you short brunette girl with a very loud voice
Mercedes' Snapchat DMs
Rachel from mandatory math replied to your story: You're welcome!!!!
Me: what?
Me: OH you're the girl!
Me: yes thank you so much! he did wind up texting me telling me where he is, but fr thank you!
(Rachel from mandatory math changed to: Kurt Finder)
Kurt Finder: Of course!!! He seems like a sweet boy.
Me: he’s lovely yes
Me: sorry he stole your friend away to bang him
Kurt Finder: Ewwwww!!!! I don't want to think about him and Blaine.
Me: ....blaine?? the guy's name is blaine?
Me: that's... a name.
Kurt Finder: Yes it is a name!!!! Don't worry your friend is in safe hands.
Me: ok thanks again
Santana's Snapchat DMs
Cedes Joneses: girl where are you
Cedes Joneses: Kurt is sleeping with a guy named fucking BLAINE
Me: his nanme is Fucking Blane????
Cedes Joneses: no tipsy McGee it’s just Blaine
Cedes Joneses: he willingly chose to take home a guy named BLAINE
Me: ewwwwwww noi if i have annyhing to say abotu it
Me: oh n im bt teh fridg3
Cedes Joneses: okaaaaay it's home time
Mercedes' Instagram DMs
Saturday, 9:36 AM
kurthummel_: ....hey babes
cedesjones: what do you want.
kurthummel_: i might be sorta maybe stranded at this guy's house
kurthummel_: could you... come pick me up please
cedesjones: uuuuuuuuuugh take the subway
kurthummel_: mercedes you know me well enough by now to know what i look like
kurthummel_: the subway is a terrible idea right now if i don't want to be arrested for public indecency
cedesjones: you still have clothes do you not. you are fine
cedesjones: besides it's the NEW YORK SUBWAY. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT
kurthummel_: his roommate's cute too
cedesjones: KURT HUMMEL!!!!!! DID YOU HAVE A THREESOME LAST NIGHT WITHOUT TELLING ME????
kurthummel_: NO?????????
kurthummel_: I WAS TELLING YOU THAT BECAUSE I THINK YOU'D BE INTO HIM
cedesjones: oh thank the lord
cedesjones: ...what's the roommate's name
kurthummel_: Sam
cedesjones: oh Sam is a cute name...
cedesjones: yeah okay fine. get ready to go
kurthummel_: thank you SO much i'll buy you pancakes
kurthummel_: also please please please bring the makeup remover please i'll love you forever
cedesjones: you already do 🙄
kurthummel_: DAMN RIGHT!
Mercedes' Public Snap Story
Snap 5:
[Video Description: Mercedes sitting in the driver's seat of her car. It's a new day; the sky outside is sunny and bright, and Mercedes looks tired but comfy in a big sweater and no makeup. She is fiddling with one of the hoodie strings. The camera is sideways and set up on the dash, and she looks at it before she begins to speak. Transcription below.
Mercedes: So it's ten AM the next day... and I'm about to go get my idiot best friend.]
Snap 6:
[Video Description: Mercedes' fist as she knocks on the slightly beaten-up door of an apartment. From inside the apartment, Kurt's voice calls, "That's her, one sec." A few moments later, the door opens. Kurt comes into view, wearing a sweater that is too short and not his and holding a hand up to cover his face as he looks down at the ground. Mercedes starts cackling behind the camera. Transcription below:
Kurt: Mercedes, put that away, or so help me God -
Mercedes: Nope, you gotta let me see.
(Kurt sighs and removes his hand. He has dark makeup smudged around his eyes and there is a very sheer amount of glitter covering his entire left cheek. His mouth is stained slightly red from lipstick that has been (mostly) removed. Despite his apparent aggravation, he appears to be struggling not to smile at Mercedes as she starts giggling. He doesn't hold back, however, from rolling his eyes.)
Mercedes: This is the look!]
Caption: he did it!!!! he looks even trashier than when he left!!!!
After Mercedes stops filming and Kurt hugs her quickly in greeting, a voice calls out from inside the apartment.
"He looked worse this morning," says the random voice.
Mercedes gasps and looks at Kurt, her expression one of utter delight. "Did you really?"
Kurt has his face in one hand and he groans, long and loud. Footsteps approach the two friends, and Mercedes watches as a short guy with curly black hair pokes his head into the entryway and grins at her. He also looks a little tired, but otherwise none the worse for wear.
He holds out a hand. "Hey," he says, "I'm Blaine. Nice to meet you!"
Mystified, Mercedes shakes his hand. She looks at Kurt again. "You managed to find a polite one?" she asks, grinning.
Kurt has taken his face out of his hands and is now looking at the two of them exasperatedly. "He literally just said that I looked worse this morning. Don't fall for his act, he's terrible."
Mercedes doesn't take any of it to heart when he can't help but smile at Blaine.
When Kurt finally stops smiling at Blaine and looks back to Mercedes, she has her arms crossed, her eyebrow raised, and a smile playing around her lips. Kurt doesn't say anything, just widens his eyes at her as if to say "Don't say anything do not say anything do not".
Mercedes jerks her head toward him slightly, all "What are you going to do to stop me?" and he tilts his head back at her, even more challenging.
Watching them bemusedly, Blaine's head swings back and forth between their silent conversation before he claps his hands once, startling Mercedes out of her silent statement of "If you dare disrespect me on land that does not belong to either of us, if you desecrate a sacred home over which you have no authority, then we are going to have words, bitch".
"Um, I know you said you were going to head out but, uh -" Blaine leans his elbow on the doorframe and scratches the back of his head. "Do you guys maybe wanna stay for breakfast? Or brunch, or whatever, I don't know, I can probably make smoothies -"
"Oh, he is adorable," Mercedes can't help but say, grinning at Blaine. He looks startled, but he smiles back at her.
Kurt's face looks incredibly soft as he gazes at Blaine with a gentle sort of affection. "Well, I actually promised Mercedes pancakes," he says, "so maybe you and Sam could join us?"
Blaine beams at him, and behind his back, Mercedes grins wildly at Kurt and gives him a thumbs up. Kurt grins at the both of them, his smile notably softening when he looks at Blaine.
Just then, another voice calls out from inside the apartment. "Hey, guys! Did Kurt's friend get here, or what?"
A very tall, very pretty blond guy walks into the entryway, and Mercedes' mouth drops open a little bit as she looks at him. The guy - who Mercedes is assuming is Sam, unless Blaine is hiding another roommate in this tiny, shitty New York apartment - looks at her too, looking almost as stunned as she feels, and as she watches, he grins bashfully at her and waves.
He's wearing several rings on his hand. Mercedes' eyes follow it unabashedly.
"Hi," he says. "I'm - I'm Sam."
She waves back at him, her hand stuck inside the sleeve of her sweater. "Hi Sam," she says, "I'm Mercedes." She ducks her head and smiles.
When she glances at Kurt, he looks over the moon. He flaps his hands slightly.
"Okay! So! Pancakes, yes?" He turns to Sam, still grinning wildly. "I suggested we go and get pancakes for breakfast, since I promised to get Mercedes some in return for rescuing me from public transport."
Out of the corner of her eye, Mercedes can see Blaine gazing at Kurt with a look far too loving for a guy who was originally meant to be a one-night stand, but as Mercedes currently can't stop gazing at Sam long enough to study Blaine's expression further, she figures she'll let it slide.
Sam finally stops staring at Mercedes to smile at Kurt. "Hell yeah, man. I love pancakes. Let me get some stuff and we'll head out." He turns away from the doorway, but almost instantly turns back around again with a quizzical expression. "Are we driving or walking?" he asks.
"Oh, we can take my car," Mercedes says.
Sam smiles at her again. "Cool," he says. "I call shotgun."
As he leaves the hallway, Blaine follows him, but not before grinning at Mercedes and giving her a dorky thumbs up.
Once they're alone, Kurt turns to her, grabs her hands, and shakes her all around. He pulls her into the apartment and shuts the door behind her.
"'Cedes!" he whisper-yells. "Did you see the way he was looking at you?" He squeals a little bit. "Oh my God, I thought I was going to melt. Please ask him out, please."
"Be quiet, you ass!" Mercedes also whisper-yells. "And, what, do you think I'm crazy? I am going to leave this brunch with a date if it kills me."
She then shakes Kurt's hands. "And shut up about me, oh my God, how did you even find that guy?"
Mercedes nearly starts in on a statement about how the love in his eyes could make anyone melt, blah blah blah, before a thought strikes her.
"Wait," she says, her face scrutinizing. "Was the sex good?"
Kurt looks at her. She knows this face. It's the "Oh bitch" face.
Squinting, she asks, "Is that a positive Oh Bitch face or a negative one?"
"Positive. Very positive. Wait until after we've had brunch and you've officially gotten a date with Sam. Then I will tell all," Kurt says, waving a hand magnanimously.
As they wait for Blaine and Sam to return, Mercedes fills Kurt in on everything that he'd missed the night before.
"And we still don't know what happened to Santana's shoe, but we're thinking about putting up missing posters for it, because those shoes were so cute, it would be a shame to lose one half of them -"
"Hey!" Sam says, bursting back into the entryway with Blaine close behind. "Ready to go?"
Mercedes smiles at him, feeling a little besotted. "Born ready," she says, maybe too eagerly. Kurt snorts very quietly and she elbows him in the side. Blaine and Sam just watch them, amused.
Sam reaches between Kurt and Mercedes and pushes the door open, holding it open and gesturing at Mercedes. "My lady," he says in a stupid voice, and looks like he instantly regrets it, but Mercedes just giggles and goes through.
She did like hanging out with dorks. They were always rather sweet.
And as she leads them out to her car, she holds out her elbow for Sam to take, which he seems to find absolutely splendid, and neither of them can stop grinning. And when Mercedes hands Kurt the makeup remover when she gets in the car, everyone bursts into laughter as Kurt glares at all of them. It doesn't last long though; once Sam starts singing along to Doja Cat, none of them can avoid smiling.
When Mercedes and Kurt leave brunch, they have Sam and Blaine's numbers, respectively, bright grins, and a lot of leftover pancakes for their hungover friends.
And Kurt has significantly less makeup on his face.