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dahlias perfect plan

Summary:

iris has to stand in for her twin sister at dinner

(i didnt write this, but i got permission to post it)
(also you should read the other stories in the series to understand this one better)

Notes:

I DIDNT WRITE THIS!! my friend did, but she doesnt have an account on here, so she let me post it for her :)))
you should probably read the other two stories in the series to understand this one, a lot of the jokes are from those fjsdkgh
sorry if the formatting is weird i had to copy paste this from discord lol

Work Text:

Dahlia just got done speaking with her mother and needed a perfect escape plan to carry out her mother's orders while also keeping her cellmates, her NOT family not suspicious. She went back to the yard where prisoners did whatever they wanted with some supervision.

She knew how to kill the man who wronged her mother, and she knew how to make a perfect alibi as well. Dahlia stood in the middle of the yard, her brown eyes searching for something specific and finally found it, her dear twin sister, Iris.

She walked over to where she was, a secluded quiet corner with thankfully no nearby guards. "Dear sister, long time no see" she said ominously, Iris jumped from her sudden appearance. "D-Dahlia? What do you-" Iris was cut short by her sister's command "I want you to do what you're always good at, following my orders."

Iris tensed up, tried to put on a determined face, when she was obviously intimidated and wasn't very intimidating herself. "I don't want to be your minion anymore! I'm way past being an accomplice to murders!" She said, with a hint of desperation. Dahlia tsked at her sister's bold claims. "You're not doing anything of the sort, I just want you to be a stand in for me at dinner" Dahlia finally said, her sister shocked by the lack of murder in her command.

"L-Like at Ivy? I- Still no! The guards will know and I want a life not...not following your orders!" Iris said with such desperation, she was clutching at the book she was reading with enough force to cut it in half. Dahlia was pleasantly surprised by her sister's willingness to not stand down. 'Must be getting visits from that spikeheaded idiot' she thought, she had the perfect comeback to her sister's stubbornness.

"Stubborn I see, well if you don't accept my offer right now then I'll simply disguise as you. Ruin your reputation so bad you have no chance of an early release" Dahlia said with intimidating calmness. Iris tensed up, knowing she had nothing to say, she followed her sister's plan yet again to be an accomplice to murder.

 

-+-+-+-

 

Iris, now disguised as Dahlia, was escorted by the guards back to Dahlia's cell-house with her cellmates. 'Relax Iris, you just need to stay calm, do what your sister told you to not get caught' she thought, the guards finally opened the cell door and let her and her cellmates in for a secluded dinner.

Dahlia's weird family sat at the table, all of them having unique drinks for themselves for some reason. 'Don't talk unless spoken to, talk with malice and annoyance' her sister's words echoing in her mind, it's time to have dinner. For the first few minutes or so, Dahlia's cellmates talked about...pretty weird topics, like 'how to get choccy milk fast' and 'no I am NOT a catboy!'. Iris hoped they would continue ignoring her until it's time to go to her room and swap back with Dahlia, but she jinxed it.

"How about my lovely daughter, Dolly? Do you think clarinets are sexier than flutes?" The orange man on her left said, Iris jumped a little. 'Speak with malice and annoyance' "If you bring me into this conversation, it'll have serious consequences" Iris spat out 'That was good enough right?' she thought.

Apparently, it was not enough, because the orange man quickly rebutted. "Dolly! You finally accept being called my lovely daughter!?" 'Oh no' Iris thought 'Quick! Think of something before Dahlia kills me!'. "I said stop speaking to me, I do not care being your lovely daughter or, whatever!" 'That was not a good rebuttal..'.

"Hey umbrella bitch! Finally getting sappy after years of breaking hearts?" A boy with a weird red-white leather jacket yelled at her, sipping choccy milk out of his wine glass. 'Talk with malice and annoyance..' "I will kill you later, choco-boy, just you wait" Iris said firmly, she was getting tired of acting like Dahlia, she ate some broccoli on her plate to relax a bit.

"Finally eating your veggies after throwing a tantrum yesterday? Tch, thought so" The man in glasses quipped. 'Dahlia doesn't eat vegetables, not surprising honestly' Iris straightened in her chair, and attempted a scary glare at the man with glasses. "I don't care! Alright!? Go listen to your...nightcore shit!" Iris bluffed at an insult, she knew nothing about Dahlia's cellmates but attempted to take the heat off of her.

"I-I..y-you..!" The man with glasses quivered, but then fixed his glasses at an attempt to relax. 'Good bluff Iris, Phoenix would be proud of you' she thought, eating the rest of her dinner. "Dahlia." A rough, low voice responded, she glanced at someone familiar for once, a prosecutor Phoenix defeated in court, Milfred von Karma, was it?

"You're acting much different today than any other day, you don't talk about your man-hating twice as much, your insults fall flat..." The frilly prosecutor trailed off, then the man in glasses then asked. "Hmm Dahlia is your si-" 'Oh no! Think of something, anything!'

"I'M ON MY PERIOD!!!"

Everyone at the table looked mortified. 'I'm not sure if what I said was a good or bad thing..' Iris wondered. For the rest of dinner, Dahlia's weird family ate in silence, Iris thanked the Holy Mother for that. Unsaid thoughts swirled around the tension in the room, it was unbearable. She risked a glance at each of them to see how they're doing.

The man in orange looked guilty and horrified, like if he hadn't said anything, they wouldn't know this embarrassing information about 'Dahlia's' circumstances.

The frilly prosecutor looked focused on drinking his pink lemonade. He didn't look half as horrified as the rest of the table. 'He must have a good poker face' Iris wondered, 'or a daughter or something..'

The man in glasses looked like he was one twitch away from grabbing the cross on the wall. He looked uncomfortable, and kept glancing in between his food and the cross on the wall, he was also chewing much slower than everyone else.

The man in the red-white leather jacket looked absolutely horrible. His bangs kept falling throughout the dinner and his choccy milk got on the table cloth. He looked like a middle school boy learning about the reproductive organs in science class for the first time.

It was time to go back to their rooms and sleep, finally. The tension in the room was unbearable and Iris really hoped Dahlia would come soon. For now, Iris would lay on her bed for a bit.


-+-+-+-

 

Dahlia just came back from her mission. The murder was flawless, nothing incriminating her and a perfect frame. She only hoped her sister did a good enough job for her alibi.

She slowly picked at the door lock and opened it. The house was quiet 'Perfect' she thought. She quietly went over to her door and slowly opened it. There she was, Iris, looking tired and worn out, perhaps from the fact that she waited until 12am for her.

Iris stood up, Dahlia went over to her and whispered in her ear "I hope you did a good job, sister" with the last word more pronounced than the rest. Iris went back to her own cell and Dahlia slept soundly 'A murder without my not-family's opinions was flawless, I only hoped Iris did a good enough job'

 

[In The Morning...]

 

Dahlia woke up to nightcore and furry shit echoing in the house 'I swear, I will kill them one day'. It was fairly early, earlier than she usually wakes up at but not early enough for breakfast. She got up from her bed, went to her exclusive bathroom to touch herself up.

When she was done, Dahlia headed out of her room to the living area, where Gant was....talking to a plant, great. "Come on Mannie Jr! How to get this disgusting burden off my chest!" He yelled at the plant with desperation. She walked past him, not bothering to ask why a plant would be his unwilling therapist.

Unluckily for her, Gant noticed her and said "D-Dolly! I am oh so terribly sorry! I will not badger your opinions ever again!". Dahlia stared at him with some confusion at first, then smiled and walked away to the couch. 'Looks like Iris did a good enough job, must not get my hopes too high' she thought while opening the TV to the news.

The news was boring as usual but she didn't want to watch some samurai show for kids so this was usually the best option. Also a usually best option was to ignore the furry samurai actor when he walks pass, but according to what Gant told her, she wanted to see what has gotten, assumably the whole not-family, so worked up.

"Hey, Mattching Bag" she smirked, Matt looked over with horror. "NOPE! I DO NOT WANT YOU TO TORTURE ME WITH THE DETAILS! I'M OUT!" The worthless furry ran out so quickly, she didn't even see his horrified face, what a pity.

Manfred and Kristoph came out of their hole 'Oh right, they're annoying Christians' she remembered. Dahlia looked over at them with amusement, Manfred with his brittle back can't even climb out of the hole himself, it was a hilarious sight. When both of them were out, they looked at Dahlia with equal amounts of disgust.

'This has ought to be interesting...' She wondered when Kristoph walked over to her with something in his pocket while Manfred walks over to Gant's direction. "Dahlia Hawthorne, professional umbrella bitch" he said with disgust while slowly pulling out a cross out of his pocket. 'Nice description, now what did my dear sister do to terrify all of you?' she wondered.

"Hello, Krissypuss." She said with an innocent smile, Kristoph scoffed at her response. "You will not ever diss my nightcore according to the lord and-" Dahlia intervened, "Yeah yeah, lord and saviour shit, whatever, your nightcore sucks."

Dahlia knew she struck a chord, when Kristoph started quivering and holding his cross close to his chest. "W-Well...at least I'm not the one who shouted that they have started their...menstruation!" Kristoph struggled to say the last word, pointing his cross at her face, Dahlia was...well shocked would be an understatement to say the least. Kristoph stormed off to his room, Dahlia was left on the couch, thinking.

'Iris, I hate being called that I am on my period out of all the things you could've said, but I'm delighted to see my not-family's reactions, you are a genius motherfucker, dear sister.'

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