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1.
They both wake up about the same time. Sheppard stretches and grins at McKay and says, "Are we good?"
"Well, in my personal opinion I'd say, yeah, we were pretty good." McKay has that playful glint in his eyes.
Sheppard chuckles and turns toward him. His sleepy grin has turned wicked. "I don't know. I think we could use a little more practice."
2.
McKay wakes up first with Sheppard's arm still flung over him. He tries to slip away without waking Sheppard, but he's a light sleeper. Sheppard opens an eye.
McKay's caught. "Um, good morning."
"Morning."
"I need to get to the lab."
Sheppard sniffs, shifting away to give McKay more space. "Sure."
McKay gets dressed, and Sheppard closes his eyes, pretending he's going back to sleep.
"John?"
"Mm?" He doesn't open his eyes.
"Do you think maybe we could, uh. Forget this happened? I mean, it was, y'know. It was a long day. It was just... a stress thing, right?"
"All right."
"All right?"
Sheppard takes a deep breath and squints up at McKay. He looks nervous, his eyes wide, his brow furrowed. Not exactly the kind of reaction you want to see on someone's face when they wake up with you.
"Already forgot it," Sheppard says.
McKay is still for a moment, then he nods. "Yeah, yeah okay. Um." He turns to leave, then pauses and says, "See you around."
3.
Sheppard wakes with a start from some nightmare wrapped in desert sand and heat. He's half upright, propped up on his elbows and trying to catch his breath. It's a moment before he realizes that McKay is there.
"A-are you okay?" McKay is bleary, confused, not quite awake.
A few deep breaths. He doesn't even remember what the nightmare was anymore, but he has a few guesses. "Fine." He turns his head, an eyebrow raised. "Sorry I woke you up."
McKay is chewing his lip. "It's, uh... I mean. It's... Yeah."
"Yeah." Sheppard lowers himself down and folds his hands over his stomach, looking up toward the ceiling. "So, are we good?"
"Do you have nightmares like that a lot? I mean, that's what it was, right? A nightmare?"
"I get them sometimes."
"It's not because I was here."
Sheppard doesn't mean to, but he laughs. "No, not because you're here."
"What do you have nightmares about?"
Sheppard turns his head. McKay has that look in his eyes like he gets when he's trying to figure out a problem, except it's directed at Sheppard instead of the city trying to implode or something.
"I dunno," Sheppard says. "Past stuff, mostly."
"The Wraith?"
"Nah, further back. Before Atlantis."
"Oh..."
"So... are we good?"
McKay still looks thoughtful, distracted. "Yeah. Sure. Why wouldn't we be?"
Sheppard watches him incredulously, but he finds himself starting to smile.
4.
Sheppard doesn't get a lot of sleep. He never does the first time he shares his bed with someone. People get this impression of him, like he shares his bed with a lot of different people, so why would it be a big deal? But he doesn't share it that often, and it's definitely a big deal.
Plus, McKay snores. Not loudly or anything. Sheppard could get used to it, if he gets a chance to get used to it. It's kind of cute, actually, in that McKay way. Both annoying and endearing. Another one of those things about him that Sheppard finds that he likes, in spite of himself. Something he'll miss when it's gone.
When morning comes, he feels McKay beginning to wake. He closes his eyes and pretends to be asleep. He half expects McKay to sneak out of bed, put his clothes on, make his getaway. He half expects they'll never talk about this again. Sheppard would let him, if that's what he wants.
"Are you awake?" McKay asks, softly.
"Sorta," Sheppard mumbles.
"I need to ask you something."
Sheppard looks at him. It's strange to see him like this. Close and sideways and very undressed. "Sure."
"Is this just, you know. A thing... that happened? Or is it something else?"
Vague enough not to mean anything. Fishing around for Sheppard to take the leap, in one direction or the other. Annoying and endearing.
And at this point Sheppard could say that he's in love with him. That he has, in fact, been in love with him since they met, but it took a year for him to figure that out. And after he figured it out, he was extremely sure it'd be a bad idea to pursue those feelings because pursuing any feelings is usually a bad idea. So he didn't.
Then this happened, and now...
He doesn't say any of that. "I dunno. I think, technically, it is a thing that happened. What else do you think it should be?"
McKay scrunches his nose. "Okay, way not to answer my question."
"It wasn't the most articulate question anyone ever asked."
"Well, excuse me for not knowing what to say." McKay huffs a sigh, then sits up on the edge of the bed, fishing around on the ground for his clothes. "I think it's reasonable to ask for a little clarification when--"
"Rodney."
He turns. His eyes are wide, like he's afraid of what Sheppard might say next.
"Why don't we just play it by ear, all right? We end up wanting to do this again sometime, all right. If we don't, that's okay too."
"I don't function very well with that kind of uncertainty."
Sheppard clenches his jaw. "Okay, so do you want it to be... I mean, we're talking about a relationship, right? Do you want it to be that or not?"
"I don't know." McKay gets up to pull on his boxers and his pants. He gathers up his shirt then stops, taking a deep breath. His back is to Sheppard when he says. "I'm not, uh. Gay. If Carson told you anything, well. That was a fluke, and it was a long time ago, and I'm not gay."
"Okay."
"So..."
"So, I guess that answers that."
McKay sits back on the bed, his shirt still balled up in his hands. "Did Carson say anything?"
"We've had a conversation a while back, sure."
"Whatever he said... That was a long time ago."
"He said the two of you ended things semi-amicably because you didn't want to be serious with a guy."
McKay is twisting the fabric of his shirt. "Yeah. I mean. I don't want to be anything with a guy."
"Okay."
"It's not... I mean, it's not personal."
"I get it."
McKay takes a deep breath. "But... Do you... I mean, do you want to be involved with me? Because you're, uh..." He nods toward Shepard, not really looking at him directly, maybe because he shifted the sheet when he got up and most of Sheppard's torso is visible now. "You're you. And I'm me."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I mean, if somebody saw the two of us, they'd definitely... Well, objectively speaking, they'd say you're way out of my league."
"Then they'd be a jerk and what the hell do they know?"
McKay blinks. "Um..."
"Look." Sheppard pushes himself up so that he's sitting with his back against the headboard. "If you wanted to give it a try, I'd want to give it a try. If you don't, it's cool. We'll go back to the regular friendship stuff."
"You'd want to give it a try?"
Sheppard rolls his eyes. "How many times do I gotta say it? Yes, Rodney. I would."
"Oh." McKay presses his lips together. He takes a few deep breaths.
"Is that a problem for you?"
"No..."
"Okay then."
McKay sighs. "I don't feel like we decided anything."
"You don't want to do things with guys. I'm a guy." Sheppard shrugs. "Sounds decided to me."
"I guess so." McKay suddenly seems to realize that he's still holding his shirt and he pulls it on. It's wrinkled from where he was gripping it. "Regular friendship stuff, right?"
Sheppard nods, then he laughs, shaking his head. "Y'know you don't have to make such a big deal out of everything."
5.
Sheppard doesn't get a lot of sleep. He never does the first time he shares his bed with someone.
Sometime before dawn, while McKay is still snoring softly, he gets out of bed and takes a shower. He comes back out with a towel around his waist, and finds McKay sitting on the edge of the bed. He's fully dressed and bent over with his elbows on his thighs, clutching his hands together. He looks up when he hears Sheppard, his eyes wide and worried.
"You all right?" Sheppard asks.
"All right? Um... Yes, uh. I'm fine. I just, um. What we did last night, um, it's... I mean. I'm not..."
Sheppard rolls his eyes. "Would it kill you to finish a sentence?"
"Maybe. Considering everything, it seems rational to be a little... a little inarticulate." McKay takes a deep breath and tries again. "What are we doing? What are we... Y'know." He gestures helplessly.
"Come on, McKay, we're both adults here." Sheppard goes to his dresser, finds a clean shirt. "So, we slept together. It happens."
"It doesn't happen to me all that often. And not with, uh..."
"Well. Don't worry about it. It doesn't have to mean anything."
"It doesn't?"
McKay's voice sounds hopeful, relieved. Sheppard bites the inside of his lip. He takes a couple of deep breaths. He's glad his back is to McKay.
"You've gotta stop overthinking all the time," he says, pulling on his shirt. "You'll drive yourself crazy."
6.
They've both been awake for a while, lying silently next to each other. Sheppard has his arm flung around McKay, and McKay is on his side, facing Sheppard, with his head bowed slightly. Every now and then, Sheppard rubs his thumb against McKay's hip.
"John?" McKay whispers.
"Hm?"
"Would it be weird if I told you I think, uh. I mean, would you mind if... Because I didn't come here last night thinking, y'know, anything. It was just a long day and..."
Sheppard grins at him lazily. "Could you finish a sentence, McKay?"
"I think I like you," McKay blurts out. He scrunches his nose, immediately regretting it. "I-I mean, I understand that, y'know, anybody looking at the two of us would think you're way out of my league. Like, objectively. But it's just that--"
"I think I like you too," Sheppard says.
McKay looks at him, his eyes wide, maybe a little afraid. "That's not a joke, is it?"
"This'd be a little far to go for a joke, don't you think?"
"I don't know. It just doesn't seem, uh... all that likely."
"You're right. Maybe I'm not being entirely honest."
McKay blinks at him, opening his mouth to say something, but Sheppard stops him with a kiss. Against his lips, Sheppard murmurs, "The truth is, I know I like you."
7.
When Sheppard wakes up, McKay isn't there.
They never talk about it.
It never happens again.
"Are you still awake?" McKay asks.
Sheppard isn't sure how long he's been lying there, staring at the ceiling, thinking about what will happen in the morning.
"Yeah," he says.
McKay nuzzles against his shoulder. "Go to sleep. You're making me nervous."
Sheppard smiles down at him crookedly. He turns and puts his arm around him, resting his hand on his hip. "Okay," he whispers. After a moment, he adds, "Just tell me you won't regret this in the morning."
But McKay is already snoring softly.
Sheppard watches him for a while, wanting to memorize the moment. Then, he lets himself close his eyes, lets himself stop thinking about what's next, lets himself drift off to the sound of McKay's snore--annoying and endearing--until the morning comes.