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“We’ll just do instrumentals. Besides, we’ve always done so as a band.”
Sero looks over at Kaminari as he stares down his feet. He can’t tell what he’s thinking, then again he never can. He just nods at Kirishima and looks at Bakugo, who just shrugs and taps his drumsticks together.
“Then let’s do it,” Sero says and goes to his place on the right, strumming his guitar lightly.
“Let’s have fun!” Kirishima smiles and strums his guitar lightly.
Kaminari turns to face the microphone, looking at it directly. He still has a grip on the purple guitar, a shaky sigh leaving him. Could he do this? Was it right? He wanted to express what he’s feeling. He wanted to scream, cry, punch. But he couldn’t. He just wanted someone to understand that.
It hurts so bad he wants to scream to the high heavens.
Kaminari starts to play his guitar once the others start, staring at the crowd but not paying attention. He looks up slightly and was breathing a little faster. He just wanted someone to understand him!
To understand him like he did.
“ Just like the shade of snow, that hasn't completely melted, I carry on with these feelings inside me. ”
Sero, Kirishima, and Bakugo look over with shocked expressions. This was unexpected. When did Kaminari come up with lyrics? He never said anything. However, it wasn’t that that shocked them.
His voice.
Everyone in the audience watches in awe and various levels of shock. His old friends Mina and Jiro were in shock the most. They didn’t know he could sing. Then again, nobody knew Kaminari had that voice. A voice that sent shivers down your spine to your toes.
Kaminari keeps singing and strumming his guitar, his mind elsewhere as he did. As he sung the words coming out of his mouth, he thought of the past. He thought of everything he’s been through.
Everything he’s been through with Hitoshi.
Sero couldn’t help but peek over at Kaminari a few times, seeing he was pouring everything out. Was this about that boy he’s heard about? Most likely it was, especially with the way this song was going.
Kaminari thought of his first meeting with Hitoshi. He thought of how Hitoshi saved him from his abusive father, holding his hand as they arrested him. Always holding his hand no matter what. It always brought him a comfort he’s always craved, especially when he was non verbal.
He thought of the first time they kissed, how shy he was. Hitoshi was confident in their kiss, which made him feel a little better. He had many firsts with Hitoshi, many that he holds onto tightly or has forgotten. How could he forget such things? Especially with a man he considers his first love.
Kaminari thinks of when they first started to drift apart. Hitoshi spent more time in the studio than with him. He cared for his music more than him. It frustrates Kaminari. It makes him feel little again. But, he stayed quiet. He didn’t want to ruin what they have.
Until that fateful day at the train station.
“You’re acting ridiculous, Denki!”
“I have every right to feel the way I do! I’m always pushed aside for your music! Am I even important to you?!”
“How could you ask that?!”
“Because you’re not with me anymore!” Kaminari glares at Shinso, his hands shaking with anger, “You’re gone, Hitoshi!”
“Denki, you know I love you and would do anything for you!”
“Are you willing to die for me, then?!”
Kaminari feels tears well as he remembers his last words towards Hitoshi. He lets out his anguish in his song. He lets everything out. A story that took place one winter evening. A story that started early and ended quickly.
No matter what Kaminari does to forget him, he can’t. He feels Hitoshi everywhere. He can see, smell, just feel him at all times. It hurts him trying to forget but it hurts him to remember. He lost everything two days after their fight. Such a stupid fight.
Kaminari grits his teeth, strumming his guitar along with Sero and Kirishima. He lets a tear roll down his cheek, looking up at the ceiling.
Kaminari remembers the day he found him. How frozen he felt, just staring in horror at his dead boyfriend. He didn’t even react when Shinso’s father walked in, or the scream said father let out. All he could do was lean against the wall, and watch.
I can’t forgive you. I can’t forgive myself. But I want to.
“I want you to have his guitar.”
Kaminari looks at the purple guitar and gently takes it. He looks at Hitoshi’s father in front of him, how exhausted he looked. The man was now alone, in a house where he used to live with his son.
“I know he would want you to have it. Take care of it, Denki. Please.”
I miss you.
“ As I try to move forward again, even though I couldn't say goodbye. You’ll always be with me ,” Kaminari finishes the song and pants as he bends his head down.
All he can hear is ringing. He can’t move his arms. He felt numb now. He slowly moves his legs to walk off the stage, but his body moves him towards Sero. He leans his forehead against his shoulder blade, body starting to tremble. Sero took that as a cue to take Kaminari off stage, placing an arm around his shoulder.
He finally let everything out. It made him sick, but relieved. As he’s guided away, he starts to cry. Kaminari thanks Sero for helping him, when he is suddenly kissed. He looks at Sero with wide eyes once pulled away, nodding when told he would go back on stage.
Kaminari sits down the stairwells, hugging the guitar close to him. He leans his head against it lightly, eyes closed as he did. Everything felt so different.
His winter story was in the past. Maybe, maybe it was time to start a new story.
“Would you move on if I die?”
“What kind of question is that?” Kaminari sits up a little, looking at his boyfriend with a raised eyebrow.
“I’m curious,” Hitoshi laughs and looks at his boyfriend, “Would you?”
“Do you want me to?”
“Yeah,” Hitoshi nods and hums as he looks up at the night sky, “I would want you to be happy. You deserve all the happiness in the world, Denki. Do you promise to move on if I do die one day?”
“I promise.”
“Good. Find happiness. You’ve had enough sadness in your life.”
“I’m happy with you.”
“As am I. I’ll always be by your side,” Hitoshi smiles at Denki, who stares in awe and smiles back.
Kaminari chuckles very lightly, gripping the guitar tightly. A tear slowly falls down remembering that conversation. He found happiness again, just how Hitoshi, his winter love, wanted him to. This time, he would not let love slip away