Work Text:
Last season on ✨ Doki Doki Love-Love Kiss! ✨:
Saitama was a high school gym teacher, with a lackadaisical attitude and full head of hair; Genos was a straight-A student, handsome and well-liked but distant. Who could have expected that, on the day of graduation, Genos would confess his love to his sensei under a cherry tree?
Surrounded by falling petals and bishie sparkles, Saitama had no idea how to react. Though it pained his heart, he turned down his cute former student, and told him that there were far better people out there for him than a plain gym teacher, no matter how full his head of hair.
That should have been it, but it wasn’t! Through a series of complicated and contrived circumstances, Genos became Saitama’s roommate. Thus began their domestic slice-of life story, full of comedic mishaps and fanservice, as Genos showed his dere-dere uke side. The number of “accidentally seeing each other naked” scenes was completely gratuitous, but nobody in the audience cared. Also there were the beach and hot-springs episodes, which were the most viewed on Crunchyroll (aside from the season finale).
Of course, there were love triangles, but nobody really believed Sonic would wind up with Saitama because he wasn’t on the cover of the Blu-Ray box set. Likewise Fubuki; this was marketed as BL, lady! Your titties have no power here! (Also Satoru was best wingman, Kuseno shipped it, and King was just kind of there for comedic scenes. The Tank-Tops also showed up a lot for no plot reason, but they totally pleased the bara crowd.)
Anyway, in the last episode of the season, the sexual tension was finally resolved when Saitama returned his cute former student’s feelings. They made love with great passion, lots of “aah aah!” noises, and clever placement of scenery for censorship. Lots of shots of clasped hands and Genos’s cute uke face, you know the drill.
That should’ve been it (again) but the anime got renewed for a second season! Of course, the series was based purely on comic, unresolved sexual tension, so what could the writers do?
Thus began ✨Doki Doki Love-Love Kiss: My Cute Ex-Student Is Suddenly A Cyborg!?✨
Excerpt Clip, Episode 1:
Saitama lies in bed, waking slowly from the best night of his life. He and Genos had just become one in their first-ever love scene. Now that they’ve had their happily-ever-after, he can rest assured that there will be no more silly antics or contrived misunderstandings; just two lovers in an uncomplicated life of bliss.
He rolls over, preparing to gaze adoringly into the younger man’s sleeping face, complete with sparkles and non-diegetic cherry blossoms, but when he does, he sees something he would never have expected.
“What!?” Saitama cries, looking down at his new lover. The cute university student (still straight-A’s in spite of his constant romantic shenanigans) is suddenly, inexplicably made of metal! “Oh no, did we do it so much he became a robot?!?”
(Cue new opening credits)
Excerpt Clip, Episode 2:
“I’m s-sorry, Sensei,” Genos says, wiping tears of black oil out of his eyes. “I’m afraid that this new body has no ‘hole’. How will I live if you can’t make love to me?”
“I will always love you, Genos,” Saitama says, with all the manly determination of a true seme. “No matter what happens, I will love you.”
He pulls Genos into his arms, and there is a lot of sighing and kissing.
Excerpt Clip, Episode 3:
“I’m sorry,” Dr. Kuseno says. “I may be a genius robotics professor and your school advisor, but I can’t figure out why you’re suddenly a cyborg. All I can say is that you’re super-strong, immensely durable, and could probably fight monsters if this was that kind of show. Plus you can eat normal food for some reason I’m not going to question.”
“Shouldn’t we be worried that the government will come and cut him up?” Saitama asks, raising his hand like he’s back in school. “Or imprison him because he’s so strong that he’s a danger to society?”
“It’s not that kind of show,” Dr. Kuseno says, and that’s that.
Excerpt Clip, Episode 4:
“Love me, Saitama!” Sonic yells from across the volleyball court, where their rival school teams are competing. He completely ignores the students and parents watching, pointing at the other gym teacher and his luxurious head of hair. “Your boyfriend can’t have sex with you, but I totally can!”
“How did you even know that!?” Saitama bellows back.
“Dramatic tension!”
“Shut up, you baka!” Genos cries, and accidentally sets the volleyball net on fire.
Excerpt Clip, Episode 5:
“Sensei...” Genos whimpers, black tears in his gold eyes, “do you really not want me anymore?”
“Oh come on,” Saitama says, shoving Sonic off him and getting to his feet. “We’ve had this ‘contrived misunderstanding’ episode at least six times! You know I wouldn’t cheat!”
“No you do~on’t!” The rival gym teacher sing-songs from the floor.
“Not helping Sonic,” Saitama growls, facepalming. “Listen, Genos, there’s a perfectly reasonable explana-“
“I don’t care!” Genos cries, running out of the gym storage room and leaving a trail of slick, oily tears on the floor.
“You’re cleaning that up,” Saitama snaps at Sonic, before chasing after his distraught uke.
Excerpt Clip, Episode 6:
“I am sorry, Sensei,” Genos says, his golden eyes so sad. “We cannot have a beach episode, because I’m too heavy to swim.”
“Oh,” Saitama says, just as sad as Genos and almost as sad as the audience.
“Wait,” Satoru says, popping up out of nowhere, “can we go to a hot spring? The water is shallow there!”
And the fans rejoice.
Excerpt Clip, Episode 7:
“Really?” Saitama says, raising his eyebrow at yet another compromising situation. “Satoru? He’s too much of a cinnamon roll to ‘steal’ anyone. The writers really think people will fall for this?”
“Of course not,” Genos says, disentangling himself from his old history teacher and the contents of the broom closet. “We’re just baiting the OT3 demographic.”
“Gotcha,” Saitama says. “Hey Satoru, you cool for homoerotically gazing into each other’s eyes later?”
“Sounds good to me,” his colleague replies, blushing almost as cutely as Genos.
Excerpt Clip, Episode 8:
“Why can’t you just blow him?” King asks, frowning. “I mean, that would resolve at least part of the sexual tension, right?”
“Status quo,” Genos replies with a shrug. “I don’t make the rules.”
Excerpt Clip, Episode 9:
This episode is mostly just everyone working out and getting sweaty, except Genos who is ogling Saitama and fellating a banana.
The Tank-Top Army show up, and nobody is surprised.
Excerpt Clip, Episode 10:
Maid cafe, to counter all the testosterone in the last episode (and because ‘why not?’). Genos looks adorable in cat ears and a French maid outfit, complete with gratuitous panty shots. There is a running gag of Saitama spilling drinks on himself whenever Genos bends over.
This episode spawns a metric ton of fan-art, and nobody is surprised.
Excerpt Clip, Episode 11:
“Oh Sensei...” Genos says, “this is the best school festival episode ever.”
“I know, right?” Saitama says, smiling. “No shenanigans or drama, just wearing yukata, holding hands, eating fried food-“
They completely fail to notice the scuffle in the background, as King and Satoru (mostly just Satoru) drag Sonic away from his third attempt to ruin their date. The fact that a stolen shooting gallery cork-gun would do nothing to hurt Genos isn’t really addressed.
Excerpt Clip, Episode 12:
“Oh Sensei!” Genos cries, bishie sparkles everywhere. “I’ve suddenly turned back into my human form again for no explicable reason!”
“Who cares about exposition or logic right now?” His seme says, pulling Genos into his chest and a dramatic still shot full of roses. “It’s the last episode of the season, let’s push the rating as far as we possibly can.”
“Oh Sensei!” The blonde whimpers, eyes shimmering. “Yes, do it to me! Do the thing the censors won’t let us explicitly say!”
There are shots of kissing, and clothes hitting the floor. The two men fall into bed, Genos on top to change things up so it isn’t a carbon copy of the last season finale. The shadows are very, very carefully placed to censor the key areas.
“Oh, Sensei!” Genos cries, the animators taking great care with his hair bouncing up and down. “Ah, aah! Oh Sensei!”
“Genos,” Saitama moans, eyes squeezed shut as he pants for breath. There are fewer shots of him, but still enough to show how manly and seme he is; his ripped chest, strong hands and full head of hair. “Genos, I’m going to-“
“Oh Sensei! Yes!” Genos wails, the voice actor clearly having a blast. “Give it to me, Sensei!”
And he does. There is a long, slow-mo shot of Genos flinging his head back, with a good chunk of the animation budget spent on his fluidly moving hair and the trail of uke tears sparkling from his eyes.
Afterwards, they lie in the bed, snuggling under a conveniently-placed sheet that covers barely enough to make it past the censors. Saitama strokes his fingers over his lover’s throat, and stops.
“Hey Genos?” He asks, frowning. “Where did you get these hickeys?”