Work Text:
The day of the wedding had come, without mercy.
Thaniel had left hours ago and Mori still sat in his armchair, staring into space. He could see it so clearly: The house in Kensington. A child. Thaniel was happy. He had no right to take this future from him, not even when his own heart would shrivel away to nothing.
The chance had been one in thirty-seven.
Mori grabbed his soldering iron. Best to do some work that needed him to concentrate.
It was hot in the workshop anyway and the iron amplified that, making even him sweat. Maybe he could burn his own heart out of himself before someone else did.
The work was intricate and difficult and took his mind off things, until the future suddenly cut into him like a sharpened sword. Without any room for error or doubt, he remembered that Thaniel would step through his door. Soon. His heart fluttered, his hands began to tremble. He almost burned himself, but managed to drop the soldering iron in its bowl, then took a step back to catch his breath. Thaniel was on his way here, yes, but he didn’t know whether it was to shout at him or to… do something else. He hadn’t decided yet.
Mori pressed his hands against the desktop and tried to remain calm. He wanted to run out of the door, wanted to run until he met Thaniel on his way from Knightsbridge, but he didn’t. If Thaniel was to do anything, he had to do it of his own volition. Mori had manipulated quite a few people in his life time, but he’d be damned if he so much as nudged Thaniel in a way he might not actually want to go. So he stayed put, gripped the soldering iron tightly and got to work.
When the bell over the workshop door rang, his heart lurched out of his chest. It took all his willpower to keep his head down and to not burn his hands.
‘Is it warm enough for you yet?’
Thaniel’s voice was like music to his ears and for the first time, he thought, he almost had a glimpse of what Thaniel might see when he heard sounds.
Not without you, he thought.
‘Nearly,’ he said.
Mori could feel his heart beat at a million miles per hour, was suddenly very much aware of the sweat trickling down his chest. He made sure to set the soldering iron down very deliberately, before he dared to glance at Thaniel. He looked good in his wedding suit. Polished, elegant, even though his hair was dishevelled in a way that suggested frantic thinking. He didn’t look quite like himself, but beautiful nonetheless. ‘Did everything go off well, then?’
He almost choked at the words. He knew it had. He didn’t want to know, but he did.
‘Yes – it was lovely.’
Thaniel’s voice came out flat, not at all like it usually did. Mori poured his tea out over the coals to feel the burn of the steam on his face. ‘Good. I thought you were staying at the hotel.’
Keeping his voice level took more effort than ten years of saving Ito’s life combined.
‘I am, I am. I’ll go back later. Grace is… her family are still there. You should have come,’ he said suddenly.
Oh, he had wanted to go, everything in him had screamed for him to go.
‘I know. I’m sorry.’ He could feel that Thaniel was pondering things, but they weren’t quite clear yet. He didn’t allow himself to dwell on it, so he turned away. ‘It’s late for tea, but there’s some wine, or–’
‘Mori, wait.’
He stopped in his tracks, because Thaniel had made a decision. His arms around his waist still took him by surprise, as did the cheek against his hair. He couldn’t do anything but cling to Thaniel and hope that he couldn’t hear his heart beating out of his chest. Longing rolled over him so forcefully that he was afraid he’d drown. So he tilted Thaniel gently back to look at him, trying to figure out what he was going to do next, but it seemed that even Thaniel wasn’t sure. It was titillating to not know.
‘It was–’ Thaniel began, but Mori stopped him. He could feel that Thaniel was on the verge of doing something he might regret later.
‘Don’t tell me, just intend to. And then I’ll forget, if you change your mind.’
Thaniel nodded once, and Mori listened. He heard everything Thaniel would have said about the wedding clear as a bell, even though they just stood there, so close to each other that Mori could feel Thaniel’s breath on his face, could sense the cold that was still radiating off of him from his walk through the winter night without a coat.
There was a pause when Thaniel had finished telling him about the wedding, but then he looked down and reached for the tie that hung over Mori’s hip to nervously play with it.
I wanted you to come, he intended to say. I spent most of my wedding day staring at the door, hoping you would change your mind. Another pause. Mori could hardly breathe. He took hold of Thaniel’s elbows, just lightly resting his hands there, trying to tell him through touch how desperately he had wanted to come. I missed you so much. Just now, in the hotel room, I couldn’t stand it any more. I felt hollow without you, I felt trapped. I needed to see you, I needed to– I want to–.
This time, Mori could feel his intention loud and clear. There was no doubt attached to it, not a flicker of hesitation, so he allowed himself to draw Thaniel closer by his elbows. He reached out his arm to switch off the lights.
Thaniel kissed him.
All the tension of the day, of the last months, seemed to evaporate in a cloud of steam between their bodies, where Thaniel’s cold touched Mori’s warmth. He kissed him back, trying very hard not to be desperate. He leaned forward, let Thaniel catch him, let his hands steady him. He was strong and real and just for this moment, he was his.
‘Where did you go this morning?’ Thaniel said quietly, against his temple, his voice vibrating pleasantly through Mori’s skull. ‘You didn’t walk this way. I saw you from the church tower.’
‘I went to see Six.’
‘The little girl from the workhouse?’
‘Mm. We went to see the vivarium in Hyde Park. I’ve been going on Saturdays, when you go to Kensington.’ He was glad for Six, during the last weeks more than ever. She had been the only thing able to distract him from Thaniel.
‘Good… that’s good.’
He held Mori just a little bit tighter as if he was afraid he would leave him, pressed his forehead against his temple. For the first time since he arrived in England, Mori felt truly warm from the inside out.
A new memory hit and dragged him away from the moment. He tightened his shoulders, took a step back and let the lights come on. ‘Mrs Steepleton is on her way to fetch you back now.’
‘Would you mind if I stayed here until the first morning train?’
‘No.’ Mori forced himself to remain steady, to not think of the possibilities this sentence might entail. ‘But that’s a waste of a night in a hotel. This place has been here since the thirteen hundreds, it will still be here tomorrow.’
Thaniel’s eyes shone while he seemed to make and unmake a hundred decisions with every heartbeat. ‘But I’m not going to come back much. Am I?’
Mori didn’t know. He wished, he knew.
‘Well, it isn’t–’
‘That music box in your desk. Is it for Six?’
Mori stilled. Thaniel was the only person he had ever met who could truly surprise him again and again. ‘No.’
‘No, I didn’t think so.’
Mori’s throat went dry as Thaniel formed vague intentions that involved his bedroom. ‘I’d better light the fires upstairs, then.’ He paused, looking at the street lamps outside. ‘The wood’s damp, so it will take me a while.’
‘No, that’s alright,’ Thaniel said.
Mori nodded and made his way up the stairs, slowly, because his knees felt weak. He distracted himself by building the fire meticulously, trying not to listen to the sound of the bell as Grace came in and to what was being said in the workshop after that. Everything hang in a balance. Then, the door opened and closed once more, letting somebody out. A few moments later, there were steps creaking on the stairs and white hot relief flooded through him, when Thaniel stepped in.
It had been a one in thirty-seven chance.