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Someone might have called it going overboard to spend half the day preparing an evening meal for your husband, but Hua Cheng knew better. He knew better than anyone how much His Highness was deserving of every bit of luxury, and Hua Cheng was more than happy to finally have a chance to provide his beloved with every kind of comfort. After everything Xie Lian had gone through, he deserved to be thoroughly pampered, every day, for all eternity of his immortal life.
Although that didn’t mean everything around him should have been full of extravagance and grandeur. Hua Cheng was well aware of how much Xie Lian appreciated the simple joys of life, the small comforts that could be found in passing everyday moments, and the sentiment was easy to sympathise with. Hua Cheng had also always found his greatest happiness in simply being close to Xie Lian, and as long as they were together, he truly needed nothing more.
It was almost time. The food was ready, kept warm by magically heated up containers and pots of best quality; every servant had been given strict instructions that Hua Cheng and his husband were not to be interrupted tonight; and the gardens of Paradise Manor had been decorated with countless lanterns that were shining their soft light on the courtyard. All that was missing was the most important person, Xie Lian himself.
Soon enough, Hua Cheng heard a familiar voice from Paradise Manor’s courtyard. He immediately headed out to greet Xie Lian, but to his displeasure, his precious husband had not returned alone.
Feng Xin and Mu Qing were trailing after Xie Lian, surprisingly amiable for once as they listened to something Xie Lian was telling them with a warm look in his eyes. Seeing them was never a pleasant occurrence for Hua Cheng, but tonight they were especially unwanted.
“Gege”, Hua Cheng said. “Welcome back.”
“Oh, San Lang!” Xie Lian turned to face him, and the warmth in his eyes grew even more radiant, filled with purest affection. It immediately soothed Hua Cheng’s irritated mood. “Sorry I took so long. Feng Xin and Mu Qing asked for my help with something…”
“Are they going to stay for long?” There was a barely concealed sharp edge in Hua Cheng’s voice. He wasn’t going to tell Xie Lian to shoo away his visitors if he wanted to have them over, but he was also not going to be pleasant around them when they had showed up to interrupt his carefully planned evening with his husband.
“Oh, not at all. They just came to pick up something I promised to borrow them”, Xie Lian said with a dismissive wave of his hand.
“We’ll be gone before you know it, so don’t worry, Crimson Rain”, Mu Qing commented, but despite the dry tone of his voice, he was looking more than slightly uneasy, which more than slightly pleased Hua Cheng. Feng Xin frowned and stepped closer to his companion, casting him a cautious look as if telling him to keep quiet.
Xie Lian went to get the spiritual device he had promised to borrow to the heavenly officials, and it didn’t take him long to find what he was looking for. Hua Cheng was pleased when Feng Xin and Mu Qing seemed just as eager to leave as he wanted them gone.
“Have a safe journey!” Xie Lian wished as the two headed out of the manor’s courtyard.
“Be safe as well”, Feng Xin answered over his shoulder.
Hua Cheng watched as the two figures walked away, and a sudden idea crossed his mind. He narrowed his eye with a slight smirk as he made up his mind. Why not give the guests a memorable send-off, and impress his beloved while he was at it?
With no warning, he let his body dissolve into a swarm of eerily glowing butterflies. He hadn’t done this trick in a while, but it came to him easily as always, almost a second nature. The glow of his shattered form gleamed down on Xie Lian, illuminating him with an ethereal shine as if highlighting his unparalleled beauty.
In addition to adding another source of light to the courtyard’s dreamlike decorations, Hua Cheng’s transformation had another desired effect: Feng Xin and Mu Qing twitched as they saw the fluttering butterflies that in their eyes were a threat more than a sight to admire, and they immediately hastened their steps to get away quicker.
Content and a little smug, Hua Cheng let his body of butterflies rise higher. Beside him, he heard Xie Lian let out a gasp. It would have made Hua Cheng smile, had he had a face to smile with at the moment — he could just imagine the amazed look on Xie Lian’s face upon seeing the swarm of shining butterflies lighting up the garden around him.
“San Lang…?”
I’ll put up this show for you a thousand times, if you wish, Hua Cheng thought, turning his attention to Mu Qing and Feng Xin for one more time. The two nuisances were already far away, and Hua Cheng fluttered a bit closer to them, as if giving a vague threat to not come back anytime soon.
“San Lang…! San Lang, please!”
As Hua Cheng heard Xie Lian calling out to him, his pleased mood vanished immediately, turning into a chill of unease. Xie Lian’s voice had no trace of the awe and admiration Hua Cheng had hoped to bring forth by his little display of power; instead, it was full of fear, choked and shaky, wrenching at Hua Cheng’s heart.
San Lang! San Lang, don’t go! Please, not again!
“San Lang, please, don’t leave! Please don’t go! Please tell me you’re okay!” Xie Lian was calling out to him simultaneously out loud and in the communication array, both his spiritual voice and his actual words full of terror. “San Lang!!”
Gege, Hua Cheng answered through their mind link as he realised what was going on. Gege, it’s okay — I’m not going anywhere! He turned his ethereal form back towards Xie Lian, the butterflies starting to coalesce and melt back into each other even as they fluttered closer. Don’t be afraid, gege, I’m right here with you!
“San Lang?” Xie Lian was sobbing now, his entire body shaking so hard Hua Cheng could sense it just by being close. “San Lang, are you — are you okay?”
Regaining his human form in record time, Hua Cheng rushed to his husband’s side to wrap his arms around him tightly. Xie Lian clung onto him with desperation, his breaths coming out in frantic, shaky gasps.
“Dianxia”, Hua Cheng murmured and pulled Xie Lian against himself. “Forgive me. Dianxia, forgive me. That was wrong of me. I never meant to scare you.”
“San Lang…!” Xie Lian buried his face into Hua Cheng’s embrace, still holding onto him as if he was afraid he would disappear the second he let go. He was shaking all over, his hands desperately grasping Hua Cheng’s robes at his back, and every pained sob he let out pierced Hua Cheng’s heart like a stab of a cursed knife.
“Dianxia”, Hua Cheng whispered, stroking Xie Lian’s back soothingly and pressing soft kisses onto his hair. “Dianxia, forgive me. Please believe me. I’m not going anywhere. I promise, I’m here with you, I’ll never leave you.”
Xie Lian raised his tear-streaked face to look at him. Hua Cheng wanted to kiss him, wanted it so much it hurt, wanted to kiss away each and every one of those tears; but he held himself back, feeling undeserving of such bold actions after the pain he had inflicted upon his beloved.
“Don’t leave me”, Xie Lian breathed, and leaned in to kiss Hua Cheng.
Hua Cheng answered the kiss tenderly, accepting it now that Xie Lian had initiated it himself. After letting the kiss linger on for a moment, Xie Lian buried his face into Hua Cheng’s chest again. Long moments passed in silence as the two of them stood still in the empty courtyard, neither of them wanting to let go of the other for even a second.
Slowly, gradually, Xie Lian stopped shaking, and his panicked breathing slowed down to a more natural pace. Hua Cheng kept stroking his back, nuzzling his hair, and whispering endless apologies and promises as he held him in the protective circle of his arms.
“Dianxia”, Hua Cheng said after they had stood holding each other for a long while. “Should we go inside? It’s chilly out here.”
Xie Lian raised his face slowly to look at Hua Cheng. He gave a small nod, and although it pained Hua Cheng to let go of him, he stepped back and took Xie Lian’s hand instead.
He led Xie Lian back into the mansion, holding tight onto his hand as they made their way to one of the private chambers. As soon as they got in, Hua Cheng sat down on a divan and gently pulled Xie Lian along, his every touch careful and reverent. Xie Lian was eager to follow him and sat down beside him, leaning against him as close as he could get.
“Forgive me”, Hua Cheng murmured once again as they enclosed each other in another tight hug. He felt like no amount of apologies could ever be enough to compensate for what he had done. “Dianxia, please forgive me…”
“San Lang.” Xie Lian’s voice was soft and gentle, although it still hid an undertone of fear and uneasiness. “It’s okay. Please, don’t apologise anymore. It wasn’t your fault.”
“It was every bit my fault”, Hua Cheng said, touching his forehead to Xie Lian’s. “I foolishly wanted to show off and ended up hurting you. It was unforgivable.”
“I don’t think there’s anything to be forgiven”, Xie Lian whispered, “and even if there was, I would already have done so.”
They were quiet for a few moments, Hua Cheng smoothing Xie Lian’s long hair and giving him small, soft kisses. After a while, Xie Lian sighed, nuzzling into Hua Cheng’s embrace like he had done earlier in the courtyard.
“It’s still painful sometimes”, Xie Lian finally broke the silence. “Even though I’m… I should be used to people leaving me. I’m so used to being alone. But with San Lang, it’s different… I can’t stop being afraid that one day something happens and I’ll lose you as well.”
“Dianxia…”
“It was never that bad”, Xie Lian continued, “before I met you. Even though I spent so many years, all those decades and centuries, with only Ruoye by my side, I never really minded… never felt that kind of pain even when someone left… I thought I had already gone through the worst that could happen when I lost my parents, and Feng Xin and Mu Qing.” He took a deep, slightly shaky breath. “But after I met you… and lost you…”
He looked at Hua Cheng, his eyes full of heartbreaking sorrow. “I have never felt despair like that.”
Hua Cheng’s entire being ached with love as he listened to his beloved silently, the feeling growing more intense with every word. When Xie Lian fell quiet, Hua Cheng pulled him close and embraced him so tightly it felt like he wanted them to melt into each other for all eternity.
“You’ll never have to be afraid of me leaving”, Hua Cheng said. “I will never put you through such pain again. I promise.”
They held each other for a while more, the silence around them delicate and soft like fine silk enveloping them. It took a while before Xie Lian had fully calmed down in Hua Cheng’s arms, and Hua Cheng let him rest, not giving a single thought to all the preparations he had made for the evening.
When Xie Lian finally shifted slightly, Hua Cheng gave him an attentive look. “Dianxia, are you hungry? I made us dinner, all your favourites. It has been kept warm in the enchanted containers, so it should still be good to eat.”
Xie Lian’s gaze softened. “Thank you, San Lang”, he said. “I would love to have your cooking.”
However, he seemed to be in no hurry to get up, and Hua Cheng made no move to urge him either. “But before that”, Xie Lian said quietly, confirming Hua Cheng’s guess that he still wasn’t ready to leave, “could you hold me close like this… for a while longer?”
Hua Cheng pressed a kiss on his forehead. “Of course, beloved. As long as you want.”
And so Hua Cheng did as Xie Lian had requested, holding him in a protective, tender embrace as a comforting silence fell upon them. They needed no words; their feelings were perfectly conveyed by the soft touches and kisses they exchanged while seeking the familiar solace in each other’s closeness. It was the simplest, purest form of comfort, and in its own way, it was better than any delicious feast, their shared warmth outshining any decorations.
“I will never leave you”, Hua Cheng whispered, his lips brushing Xie Lian’s hair, then his forehead, then his lips. His every touch was gentle and soft, careful like a butterfly landing on a strand of grass. “I will always stay beside you, gege, I promise. Nothing will ever take me away from you, and unless you so wish, I will never leave your side again.”
“I could never wish for such a thing”, Xie Lian said, his voice quiet and solemn as if the mere thought was too sad to even voice aloud.
“Then”, Hua Cheng murmured, relishing the way Xie Lian relaxed in his arms and melted into his embrace, “you will never have to be afraid, beloved.”
At long last, Xie Lian’s eyes softened with a tender smile, and he nodded. Seeing that gaze, so full of quiet trust, made Hua Cheng’s heart clench; leaning closer, he pressed one more kiss on his husband’s forehead.
I truly am the luckiest man of all three realms, to have found you, Hua Cheng thought, and I will never let you be hurt again… not by anyone else, and not by my own foolish mistakes, either.