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Eren ground his jaw together, his eyes narrowing in on Mikasa and Jean seated a few tables away. Why were they together again? Why was Mikasa always with him now? Why did they always sit so. . . close? It made Eren feel nauseous, and he really wasn't sure why. He assumed it was because of his hatred for Jean. Like, sure, Mikasa can hang out with other boys, but did she really have to hang out with him? With Eren's long-time rival? And it's not like they were just doing this during meal times. They were always together now. During class and when they would all watch movies in the lounge and when they would walk across campus and when they would study in the library and when--
"Eren!"
Eren blinked, his eyes finally flicking away from Mikasa and Jean down to the now broken plastic fork in his hand. He dropped it, letting out a low huff and shaking his head. He could feel all his friend's eyes studying him, but he opted to ignore them, instead picking up his spoon and shoving another bite of food into his mouth. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Armin exchanging a look with Annie.
Oh boy, here it comes. . .
"Eren, what's wrong? You seem a little. . . out of it today."
Eren snorted. What a nice way to say he was being a real asshole today. But he had a valid reason. The bleak March days and upcoming midterms were enough to put a damper on his mood, then on top of everything else now he was constantly taunted by Jean making eyes at his Mikasa.
"`M fine," he responded through a mouthful of food, scooping up another bite in a desperate attempt to get Armin to back off. Not surprisingly, he didn't.
"Are you sure? Because I know I said today, but I feel like you've been a little off for the past few weeks. . ."
For the past few weeks. Ever since that day when he waved at Mikasa and she just gave him a slight nod. He had never felt his stomach drop to his feet faster as he watched her walk past him to the table where Jean, Marco, Sasha and Connie were seated. Once they were all finished eating, he had caught up to her and pulled her aside. He had barely been able to eat, concern and confusion filling him up instead.
"Hey, are you alright?" he had asked, his voice thick with worry and his hand clutching her elbow maybe a little too tightly. But he couldn't help it. They had been best friends for over a decade, and never once had they not sat together during a meal.
Mikasa, however, just stared at his hand clutching her elbow. She buried her face a little deeper into the red scarf wrapped around her neck, taking a deep breath before responding, still avoiding his gaze. He tried to pretend like that didn't bother him.
"Yeah. Just tired," she had said softly. And she did sound tired. But he knew her well enough to know that wasn't the whole truth, and he wasn't about to give up that easily.
"Are you sure? Did I do something wrong?" Eren pressed. He knew he messed up a lot. Especially around Mikasa. Yet he was never afraid to ask and she was never really afraid to tell, so they were mostly able to move forward anytime they hit a slump in their relationship. He didn't think this time would be any different. Any problem they had, he could fix. He knew he could.
"No. . ." she trailed off, her eyes still glued to his hand on her elbow. He could see her eyebrows pulling together and her lips pressing into a firm line. She was clearly holding something back, but this is what she usually did. She would hold it back until Eren made her feel comfortable enough to share. So, as he usually did, he slid his hand down her arm, gently weaving their fingers together. He meant for it to be a comforting act, but he didn't miss the way she stiffened. That usually doesn't happen. . .
Eren powered on as if he hadn't noticed.
"Mikasa, please, talk to me. If I did something wrong I want to know what so I don't do it again in the future."
Her gaze finally lifted at that and, for some weird reason, Eren felt his stomach do a little swoop. Her big gray eyes stared unabashedly into his, and for a moment he was struck by how. . . how. . . beautiful she was. There was no better word to describe her. She opened her mouth and he found his eyes flicking to her lips. He was suddenly gripped by the desire to press his lips to hers. They looked so soft, so inviting. . .
What the hell?! Get a grip Yeager, he scolded, shaking his head slightly as Mikasa inhaled, her eyes drifting away and pulling Eren out of his little trance. His hand itched to grab her chin and force her to meet his gaze again, but he resisted.
"E-Eren I. . . I want. . ." her face contorted as if she couldn't find the right words. Silence lingered in the air and he waited patiently for her to continue. Her face scrunched up, seemingly having an internal conflict, before she finally sagged. She took a deep breath, her eyes beginning to glisten as she finished: "I think I need some space."
He felt his eyebrows shoot up in shock. Of all the things he expected her to say, that was not one of them. She couldn't mean. . .
"S-space from school? Do you wanna take a vacation? I know midterms are coming up but I'm sure we could find a weekend to get away if you--"
"No," she cut him off. "I need some space from. . . From you."
Eren couldn't help it as his mouth fell open, his entire body stiffening as if he had just been plunged in a freezing river. His hand fell limp, sliding out of hers as a million thoughts raced through his mind. Was it Jean? It had to be Jean. There was absolutely no other reason that Mikasa would want a break from him unless--
"Did Jean put you up to this!? Because if so, I swear on my life I won't ever let him see the light of day again--"
"He didn't," she deadpanned, her face falling back into its usual unreadable expression. That really didn't help. Was she mad? What did he do? It wasn't like Mikasa to give up on something, to give up on him, so easily. His eyes desperately searched hers and he willed himself to say something, anything, but when he opened his mouth all that came out was: "Oh."
That was the last time they had really spoken one-on-one. Three weeks ago.
Eren sighed, suddenly feeling very, very exhausted.
"Yeah, Armin, I'm okay. Just tired because of midterms."
It wasn't a complete lie. He was tired. But that was mostly because every time he closed his eyes, he could only see Mikasa and Jean, could only wonder if they were together and what they were doing--
"Yeah, I get it. Even though my botany midterm is a week away, I've already started studying because we have to be able to identify at least 50 different types of flowers. . ." Historia was still talking but Eren tuned her out, his eyes once again drifting to the table a few feet away. He remembered when Mikasa first started choosing Jean over him. He remembered telling himself to be grateful, thinking Mikasa is finally going to attach herself to someone else. Good. Now I can flirt with the cute girls on campus without feeling guilty. But as she smiled and nodded up at Jean, Eren didn't feel grateful at all. He felt. . . angry. Annoyed. Nauseated. And every once in a while his heart would almost. . . ache.
He once again shook his head, forcing his eyes away. Suddenly unable to eat anymore, he said bye to his friends and stormed out of the dining hall, resisting the urge to look back and see if Mikasa even cared.
"Are you sure you don't want to come out for a little bit? I can leave early with you to make sure we get all the decorating done!" Sasha gushed, slathering some lipstick on her lips and glancing back at Mikasa who was tucked neatly on her bed folding paper cranes. She shook her head, eyes not lifting from the task at hand.
"I'm sure. I want to make sure this is perfect."
Sasha groaned, tossing her lipstick aside before coming to sit on her roommate's bed.
"I know, Mika. It will be perfect because you've been planning it for a whole month! But just for once, come out with us and have a good time! You have been working so hard on this surprise party. You deserve a break. The decorations aren't going anywhere," Mikasa shot her a look at that. Sasha didn't flinch, instead sticking her lip out in a pout. "Pleaaaaaaase? His birthday isn't until tomorrow, and you know Eren sleeps super late, so we can even finish in the morning if we need to!"
"Sasha, no. I wouldn't be able to have a good time because I would just be worried about this all night. Then you wouldn't have a good time because you would be worried about me."
Sasha groaned again, throwing herself dramatically across Mikasa's bed. There was a beat of silence before Sasha squinted up at her raven-haired roommate.
"Would you still say no if I told you Eren will probably be wearing that shirt that you love and will most likely be looking for someone to dance with?"
At that, Mikasa froze, her eyes flashing darkly. Yet just as quick as it was there it was gone and she went back to nicely creasing the edges of the paper. She tried her best to keep her tone casual as she responded.
"He wouldn't want to dance with me anyway."
Sasha didn't miss the way her voice wavered slightly. She sat up, scooping Mikasa's hands into her own, causing Mikasa to start slightly as her eyes lifted in surprise.
"That's not true," Sasha said softly, and she genuinely believed it to be true. "Once he knows why you wanted space from him he'll immediately be your best friend again. I know he will."
Mikasa just nodded sadly in response, her eyes glimmering with fresh tears. Everyone knew how bad Mikasa was at lying, especially to Eren, so she had proposed taking some space from him while planning his surprise party to make certain she wouldn't ruin the surprise. However, to absolutely no one's surprise, this had hurt Mikasa and Eren more than either of them would ever admit. To be honest, Sasha had been counting down the days until the 30th so Mikasa would stop being so gloomy and Eren would stop being such an ass. That is also partly why she was pushing for Mikasa to come out tonight, in hopes that the two could get drunk, kiss and makeup. Mikasa didn't seem like she was going to budge, though, so Sasha just squeezed her hands, sighing lightly.
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay and help you decorate then?"
Mikasa pulled her hands back, shaking her head vigorously.
"No. You have been looking forward to going out for so long. I'll be fine," she did her best to give Sasha an encouraging smile. Sasha smiled weakly back.
"Okay, I won't be long! And when I get back we will turn this whole building into a birthday explosion!"
Five minutes later, Mikasa was back to working on the paper cranes in silence when her phone dinged. She put the crane down, leaning across her bed to read the message from Sasha.
Eren was asking where u were!! I had to spew some lies about how u weren't feeling good and then had to physically stop him from running up the stairs to check on u!! He obvi still cares!!!
Mikasa blinked, not missing the way her chest tightened at the thought of Eren asking about her. But then she immediately reprimanded herself. Of course he did. He still thought of her as a friend. . . Or at least she hoped he did. But that's all it ever was. A friend. And she learned a long time ago that just being his friend was better than not being in his life at all, so she forced her feelings deep, deep down and supported him as a friend whenever she could. In the past few weeks, however, she became painfully aware of the fact that she may have thrown their entire relationship away because of a stupid surprise party. She still couldn't get the image of his hurt expression when she told him she needed space out of his head. At the time, she really didn't think it would bother him too much. Honestly, she thought he might even be a little glad. He was always telling her she was overbearing. Yet, since that day, she only ever caught him giving her cold stares. It was enough to send her spiraling, but she was holding onto hope that he would forget all about it when he saw the surprise party. That's what everyone kept telling her, anyway.
Sighing, Mikasa typed a quick response of Okay. Have fun Sasha. Before climbing out of bed and getting to work on turning their room into a "birthday explosion" as Sasha put it.
Hours later, Mikasa's back ached, her head throbbed and her feet screamed at her to stop standing around. She finally gave into her body's pleas, flopping down on her bed with a small groan. Her room, as well as the whole hall and all her girlfriends' rooms had been decorated with a wide assortnment of balloons, streamers, paper cranes, happy birthday signs and other miscellaneous things the group had collected over the weeks. She hadn't even made it to the boys' floor below hers yet, but she was hoping to wait until Armin or Jean came back to help her (she was not about to get caught sneaking into their bedrooms alone.) The idea was to have a different theme in every room, each capturing some of Eren's favorite things. At the time, it had seemed like a great idea, but now she was thinking she may have overestimated herself. Rolling over, she checked her phone, noting several missed texts from Sasha and checking the time. It was almost 2 a.m., and she still had so much to do. But that also meant. . .
"Happy birthday Eren," she whispered softly to herself. She would normally text him, but she was so unsure of where they stood and how he felt, she thought it would be better to wait until they were in person. If he even wanted to see her in person. She felt her lips tug down. Mikasa didn't have many regrets, but if she could go back she--
Her dorm room was thrown open, jerking her from her thoughts and causing her to jump slightly. She rolled her eyes, a smile tugging at her lips as she turned toward the door.
"Sasha, I'm the only one here, you don't have to--"
Her words halted as her eyes landed on Eren, not Sasha, standing in her doorway. His dark brown hair was tousled and his hands were clenched in fists, his chest heaving as if he had just run a marathon. But what really took her breath away was the look in his eyes. They were practically on fire as they bore into her, alight with a thousand emotions churning inside him. His eyes really did reveal his every emotion. It was something she loved about him. Yet, in this moment, it was almost too much to take in. It felt like hours of them just staring at each other in silence, and when it finally became evident that Eren wasn't going to say anything, Mikasa shifted, slowly climbing to her feet.
"Eren. . .?"
"Is it true, Mikasa? Are you dating Jean?" he suddenly burst, his expression morphing into one of anger and sadness and betrayal and confusion all at once. It was enough to pull all the air out of her lungs, and as his words hung in the air, she found she couldn't respond. Instead she just left gasping as he took a step forward, his eyes suddenly shimmering with unshed tears. "Well, is it true?"
And she was once again shocked into silence. It wasn't true, obviously, as her heart belonged to him and him alone. But why did he care so much if it was? Probably just because Eren hated Jean and always felt his friends had to choose between one or the other. She always thought it was a little childish, but she made it obvious she would always pick Eren over Jean. At least, she had until--
Oh God.
"Please Mikasa! You have to tell me! I can't take it anymore!"
He was practically sobbing, and it jerked Mikasa back to reality, sending her into full panic mode as she took a step forward, raising her hands.
"N-no! No, Eren, it's not--"
"Is that why you wanted space? Because you knew I would be mad if I found out?"
"What? No, I told you--"
"Because I know what I said Mikasa, but I just can't anymore. I can't watch you with him anymore."
Now she was flustered. Where was this outburst coming from? He couldn't actually be. . . Jealous? No, no he couldn't be. He didn't like her that way. But still, why was he. . .?
"Eren, what are you talking about?"
"It was supposed to be us," he erupted, taking a step closer, his eyes somehow filled with both fear and determination all at once. Mikasa felt her mouth fall open in shock, but if he noticed he didn't care as he continued on. "It has always been and will always be us! I want to be the one you sit with at breakfast and lunch and dinner. I want to be the one that makes you laugh, and I want to be the one to hold your hand when we walk to class. I want you to rest your head on my shoulder when we watch movies, and I want to be the one to kiss the crease that forms between your eyebrows when you're studying in the library. I want to be the one that buys you coffee after a long day and I want to dance with you and only you when we go out after midterms! I want. . . I want it to be us. . ." he trailed off, his cheeks flushing pink and his face contorting in pain. Mikasa was so stunned, her wide eyes examining Eren in front of her. He seemed to have a moment of conflict before deflating completely. "Ugh, dammit. I'm sorry Mikasa. I didn't mean--"
She cut him off by slamming her lips into his. She had absolutely no idea what she was doing, since she had never kissed anyone before, but she just held still, squeezing her eyes tightly shut, her heart pounding. It only took a moment before she felt Eren soften under her, his hand coming to cup her cheek gently before she pulled away. . .
. . . Much too soon. Mikasa was pulling away too soon. Eren had kissed plenty of girls in his life, but this was the first time a kiss had made his body erupt in goosebumps, made his heart flutter and made his toes curl all at the same time.
Since when did a closed-lip kiss make me feel so giddy?
Since. . . Since. . . Mikasa. Since the person he was kissing was Mikasa. Mikasa his best friend. Mikasa who was gorgeous and strong and kind and incredible. Mikasa who he had always admired and looked up to. Mikasa who he had never really thought about kissing before, but who he now wanted to kiss for the rest of his days. As she smiled sweetly up at him, he found himself wondering how he could have been so blind and dumb for all those years.
He smiled back, opening his mouth to tell her just that, when something else caught his eye. He had been so hyper-focused on her he hadn't even noticed the tens of paper cranes hanging from every surface of her room. His eyes widened in wonder, taking in the beauty of the cranes, some big, some small, all folded in a variety of colored paper. He knew Mikasa liked folding paper cranes because she always used to give him one of his birthday when they were younger. But this was. . . This was like nothing he had ever seen before.
"What are all these cranes for?" he finally wondered aloud, unable to tear his gaze from the colorful room. Mikasa drew back in front of him, forcing his eyes back to her as she flushed a light pink.
"For your birthday," she said sheepishly before adding, "Happy birthday Eren."
He felt his eyebrows shoot up in surprise as he said dumbly, "You remembered my birthday?"
If it was even possible, Mikasa flushed pinker (it was painfully adorable), burying her face into the scarf around her neck.
"Of course I did," she muttered softly and Eren felt his heart swell. However, it was quickly squashed as Mikasa's face morphed into one of guilt and sadness. Before he even knew what he was doing, he was scooping her hands into his. Even though they had held hands a million times before, it felt different now. A good kind of different. He squeezed them lightly.
"What's wrong Mika?"
At his gentle tone, she lifted her eyes, her lips tugging down even more as she took in his concerned expression.
"Well. . . That's actually why I asked you for space. We were planning a surprise party and I knew I wouldn't be able to lie to you. It was dumb. I put our friendship in jeopardy over something so stupid. I'm sorry."
As her words sunk in, Eren couldn't help but bark out a harsh laugh. She shot him a deadly glare.
"Wait, you're serious?!"
Her unflinching glare answered for her, and the laughter that tumbled out of him after that was genuine. He knew it definitely wasn't the appropriate reaction, as Mikasa seemed to be genuinely concerned and hurt about this, but he couldn't help it. Sweet, beautiful Mikasa planned a surprise party for him. She was scared of ruining the surprise for him. And here he thought she hated him or something.
"Why are you laughing?" she finally snapped, pulling her hands out of his and crossing her arms over her chest self-consciously.
"I- I- sorry," he wheezed, doubling over momentarily to catch his breath. "It's just. . . Jean said something about that earlier. I thought he was just making up some elaborate excuse to piss me off. I punched him. I seriously thought you guys were dating. You spent so much time together. . ."
"Only because his dad's friend owns a party store! He was able to get most of the decorations pretty cheap. We were together so much because I was telling him what to get. I would never date Jean, you know that. . ."
At that, Eren was finally able to smother his laughter. Yet he was unable to bite back his smile as his heart swelled at her implication. He stepped closer once again
"Well, in that case, I guess I own horse-face an apology. But more importantly," he reached out, capturing her waist in his hands and pulling her against him. Her arms uncrossed in surprise and a sweet little gasp escaped her lips as he stared into her deep gray eyes. "I owe you an apology. I'm sorry for getting so worked up. I just. . . I guess I was. . . jealous." At this her eyes flashed dangerously. "Let me make it up to you."
With each word he leaned in closer and closer until their lips were a mere inch apart. He could feel her tense, her lips parting in anticipation. Excitement gripped his every nerve as he moved to close the last little gap between them. Only she dodged, and before he knew what was happening, she was shoving him down on the bed. He landed with a little grunt before he felt her weight on top of him, pinning him to the bed, her eyes suddenly filled with something akin to lust. It made Eren's body pulse with desire, and it took every once of control he had not to yank her head down to his.
"Absolutely not," she purred, biting her lip as she leaned over him. She stirred her hips, earning a low hiss from Eren. "It's your birthday. I will make it up to you."