Chapter Text
“Bye, Lan Zhan!” he hears his brother’s cheerful voice.
“Mn.”
Even though Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes at Lan Wangji’s monosyllabic responses to basically everything, he knows that his brother always has an extra bounce in his steps after his hangouts with his Lan Zhan. He cannot begrudge his brother that small joy.
He sees his brother give a private smile, one that he reserves for moments where no one can see. Jiang Cheng doesn’t think that his brother even realizes that his heart is no longer his anymore.
Well, if he chooses to remain blind, then I am not going to be the one to enlighten him, he tells himself.
“Quit making that disgusting expression,” Jiang Cheng mutters half-heartedly as he walks towards the gate that leads into the house.
His brother is quick to catch up to him. “Aiya, so mean to your gege!”
His brother hangs off of his shoulder and Jiang Cheng doesn’t have the heart to shrug him off.
Their parents were fighting again, and Jiang Cheng couldn’t stay around that any longer, so he had left for some fresh air only to have run into his brother. His brother who had been coming home from his “study session” with Lan Wangji. His brother who keeps making visible heart eyes at Lan Wangji. His brother who keeps denying that he’s doing anything of such sort even when Jiang Cheng or Yanli comment on it.
Whoever knew of Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng knew that neither of them had any love lost for the other. Jiang Cheng disliked Wangji basically on principle. At first, it had been simply because Jiang Cheng felt that his brother’s attention was being taken away by this cold, unfeeling man who didn’t even give his brother the time of the day. However, now that he knew that both of them were utterly too stupid to realize that they were equally gone on each other, he hated Wangji for not liking his brother enough to confess already so they can all be out of their misery. The tension around those two was exhausting and Jiang Cheng could not handle all that amid the stress that was his life.
They walk back home together but the loud screaming match inside halts Jiang Cheng just at the threshold of the house.
“THAT CHILD IS NOT YOUR SON. How dare you ask him that when you already have a son?!” his mother bellows.
“I will do what is right for my company. Your son is NOT—”
—and the fight keeps going.
Ah, so they are still at it?
At this point, Jiang Cheng has already learned to tune out their fights, mostly just waiting for those to be over as he directs his mind elsewhere. There was a time, he knows, that he used to hold on to every single word out of their parents’ mouths. Now, he just craves for a quiet peace that isn’t just indicative of a brewing storm up ahead.
Sometimes, Jiang Cheng wishes he was invisible, so his parents are not constantly triggered into fighting with each other. Other times, he berates himself for thinking him important enough for his parents. After all, to them, he’s already invisible. Over the years, he’s learned that he and his siblings have become chess pieces in their parent’s fight to dominate who wronged whom. Those realizations are the worst, because it comes with an epiphany that they weren’t even important enough to their parents to be considered living beings, kids who deserved attention and care.
His brother squeezes his shoulder. “Maybe right now is not the best time to go in.”
His brother tugs him away from the house and Jiang Cheng goes without any complaints.
“Let’s go bother Jiejie!” is his brother's enthusiastic suggestion as he starts to lead them towards their sister’s place.
Sometimes, Jiang Cheng feels guilty for using his sister as an escape. She moved out for her university and never moved back. The worst part was that their sister had felt guilty for wanting to go to her dream school and pursue culinary arts. It took her brothers’ constant assurances and encouragements for her to take the final step. Now, though, he realizes that that is the best thing that happened. At least, now Jiang Cheng and his brother have a place to go to for a brief reprieve, as selfish as that thought is.
“Wei Wuxian,” he turns to his brother, “Have you decided what university you’re going to be attending?”
Although Jiang Cheng and his brother are almost the same age, only separated by a few months, his brother started schooling a year earlier. This is another point of contention in their household, but Jiang Cheng feels eternally grateful. He thinks that the fights would have been far worse, his parent’s disdain even more apparent, if both were in the same grade and competing for the same things. He thinks that that might have also driven a wedge between both brothers, might have caused the both to feel even guiltier for causing the other their parents’ ire. This way, Jiang Cheng can at least pretend that his brother’s wins mean nothing more than good news. He can also pretend that it doesn’t mean that he will be left alone at home, severely weighed down by his parents’ expectations without having anyone to turn to.
“Ah, not yet. Probably something local,” his brother hums, deep in thought.
Jiang Cheng comes to an abrupt stop.
“I thought you wanted to go to university with Lan Wangji. He’s not going anywhere local.”
“Aiya, Jiang Cheng! Do you know how hard it is to get into a university, especially the one that Lan Zhan is going to?” his brother whines loudly.
Jiang Cheng scoffs.
“Yes, I know. Just like I know that you will get in if you haven't already. So, why are you not going?” he questions his brother, feeling suspicious but also equally dreading the answer.
His brother’s face lights up at hearing this. If his brother’s grip on him had loosened before, he finds his brother practically draping himself all over Jiang Cheng.
“Aww, Didi! Your confidence in me is so touching.”
His brother continues to suffocate Jiang Cheng until Jiang Cheng finally has enough and shrugs him off.
“Well,” he continues, searchingly, “I am asking again: why are you not going with your Lan Zhan?”
His brother is quiet for some time and they slowly go back to walking towards Jiejie’s place.
Eventually, he can almost feel his brother vibrating with things to say.
“Well, didi, plans change. Besides, I don’t even know if Lan Zhan would be okay with me going to the same university."
Jiang Cheng stops himself from rolling his eyes at his brother’s obliviousness and stupidity, because he knows that there’s more to it than that. But he doesn’t push right away. Instead, he scoffs again.
“It’s not like your ‘Lan Zhan’ owns the university. If you get in, you have just as much the right to attend as ‘Lan Zhan.’”
This time it’s Jiang Cheng who gives his brother an awkward pat on the back as he says it. His brother looks at him and smiles. His smile, however, is still troubled.
“I know that,” he says, “but I still don’t know if I can go that far away.”
Jiang Cheng’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.
“Why not,” he asks in the most stubborn and flattest tone he can muster. He can already feel aggravation clawing at him.
“Because.” his brother adds, unhelpfully.
Jiang Cheng waits. His brother doesn’t say anything.
“Are you going to continue or are we going to play 20 questions?” he asks, dryly.
“Because—” his brother continues but hesitates. “What if I don’t want to go? What if I want to stay?”
Jiang Cheng stops walking again. At this rate, they will probably take an hour to get to Jiejie’s place.
“But you don’t.”
“I could,” his brother adds stubbornly.
“But you don’t.”
Jiang Cheng has never felt so frustrated. His brother has a knack for simultaneously being one of the few people who understand Jiang Cheng and the only one who tries his last nerve.
“But I could.”
“Wei Wuxian.”
“Jiang Cheng.”
They both have a standoff in the middle of the street where Jiang Cheng just stares at his brother, refusing to break eye contact. Then, he uses the only way he knows his brother will listen.
“Either you talk to me right now, or you talk to me with Jiejie. We both know that Jiejie needs to focus on herself and this would stress her out. But I will ask her for help if you don’t talk to me. So, it’s up to you.”
He sees his brother look equal parts outraged and betrayed.
“You wouldn’t,” he says as he narrows his eyes at Jiang Cheng.
“I would.”
Jiang Cheng folds his arms in front of his chest and juts out his jaw stubbornly. Eventually, his brother’s shoulders slump.
“Okay, yeah, I got in. And I do want to go,” he says, resigned.
“Okay, so what’s the problem?”
His brother’s shoulder hunch in on themselves, as if preparing for a blow. Jiang Cheng is dreading the answer, but he has to ask.
“Is it because of me? Because you don’t want to leave me alone here?”
His brother looks miserable but doesn’t say anything.
“Wei Wuxian,” he implores softly.
“Maybe,” his brother says, evasively.
Frustrated with the roundabout answers, Jiang Cheng takes a hold of his brother and begins to shake him in an attempt to make him understand.
“No. No. No. You will go there like you have always planned and you will do the crazy smart things you have promised me and Jiejie. You will not be stupid and turn this down. Okay?!”
Jiang Cheng is stubborn, and he will not let this go. His brother will go where he wants to go.
He stops shaking his brother. His brother must have read the determined expression on his face, because his eyes are moist.
“I don’t want to leave you here. I wish I could take you with me,” his brother whispers, making no attempts to hide anything behind the façade of good humor.
“I know,” Jiang cheng sighs as he turns towards the road again.
“For what it’s worth, I wish I could come too. But I will be okay,” he tells his brother.
“Besides, it’s only one more year and then I can go to a faraway university too,” he jokes, even though they both know that his future has already been planned.
It’s nice to have an illusion of choice, though.
“Didi,” says Wei Wuxian. “If you ask me to stay, I won’t go. And I promise you that I won’t regret it. Ever.”
The thing is that Jiang Cheng knows that his brother is telling the truth. His siblings have never considered suffering for Jiang Cheng a burden. However, that is all the more reason Jiang Cheng wants his siblings to stay away from the mess that is their family. At least the two of them will be free to pursue their dreams without the tethers of guilt and obligations drowning and suffocating them at every moment.
“I know,” he smiles slightly. He nudges his brother to start moving towards their sister’s place again.
“Go,” he says. “Go and make us proud. Check in once in a while so we know that you’re not dead. Maybe, if you do something groundbreaking, I will even consider visiting you sometimes.”
His brother chuckles wetly. “Ah, now I have to try my best there,” he says.
They reach their jiejie’s place and their jiejie knows that it’s a result of one of their parents’ fights. She doesn’t say anything, only shooing them in. After, she makes them their favorite soup and proceeds to serenade them with her latest culinary experiments.
Had Jiang Cheng probed his brother more, he would have known that his father had asked his brother to stay, to give up on his dreams, just so his father could groom his brother to be the company’s heir instead of Jiang Cheng, much to his mother’s disapproval. He gets to hear this from his father later. That is not what hurts Jiang Cheng. What hurts is the fact that their parents are so blinded by their own differences that they are trying to extend their fights to his siblings, attempting to trap them with words like ‘family’ and ‘responsibility’ when they have done appallingly minimal to deserve that sacrifice.
This is a cycle that cannot continue, Jiang Cheng decides.
He becomes livid hearing it when his father mentions his attempts off-handedly, in an effort to show Jiang Cheng 'his place,' after his brother leaves for university. That is the first time in Jiang Cheng’s life that he yells at his father. That is also the very first time he warns his father off of his siblings. His father is no longer his parent.
Jiang Cheng will protect his siblings even if that means grooming himself into becoming the perfect heir and forever shackling himself to the unyielding criticisms and demands of his parents. His siblings deserve better, after all.