Archive of Our Own

“Brother, are you okay?” Xichen heard Wangji whisper.

He could feel the worry wafting off of his brother in waves.

“I am alright, Wangji. Don’t worry,” he tried to smile as he replied to his brother.

However, his horrible attempt at a smile only worsened the expression on his brother’s face.

“I admit that it was quite a shock when I had learned of this months ago, but I am better now. Slowly, it gets easier, I promise,” Xichen tried to reassure his brother again.

It was true that things would slowly not hurt as much anymore. It had taken him four months before he could even think of Guangyao without the overwhelming bitterness and anger. What the public did not know was that there were many people involved in exposing Guangyao and all of them only agreed to do so because it took a lot of convincing from the Nies and reassurances from the Lans. Finally, after months of knowing about Guangyao’s betrayal, some of his schemes were exposed to the public. Unfortunately, few weeks later, Guangyao got into a horrible accident that resulted in his demise.

Despite the hurt and betrayal Xichen had felt at his friend’s acts, he had still felt a crippling sadness at losing his friend. He had already grieved for him when he got to know of his friend’s deception, one he had been blind to until Minjue showed him proofs that could not be refuted. However, when the news of his demise came, it shook Xichen to the core because he had still hoped that Guangyao would be willing to repent for his wrongdoings and turn over a new leaf until that point. Guanyao’s funeral had been especially difficult for Xichen. He had only attended out of respect for the family.

It took a lot of reflection for him to finally come to terms with what had happened. He was still not completely over it, still hurting over what was and what could have been.

His struggles seemed to worry Wangji a lot, though, because Xichen had tried to hide how deep his hurt over Guangyao’s action went from Minjue. Despite Minjue always being supportive, Xichen felt guilty for mourning a man that had a hand in hurting his friend too. So, he had locked his grief inside of him.

Seeing this, Wangji had taken to regularly visiting him. Though he had wished for better circumstances, Xichen never shied away from his brother’s selfless love for him. That love had saved him time and time again, just as – Xichen hoped – his had Wangji over the years.

His brother poured them both some tea.

“Mn,” Wangji said, deep in thought. “I think that brother should go out for some fresh air.”

Knowing that nothing would deter his brother, Xichen only smiled in response accepting his fate.

“Alright, Wangji. I promise I will go to the park later today,” he responded and continued as he saw Wangji open his mouth again, “Yes, Wangji, the one with the restricted access, without any press. I know, don’t worry.”

His brother had seemed appeased and that had settled something in Xichen. He could always count on his brother.

--

Xichen made his way to the secluded area, thoroughly making sure that he was not being followed by any paparazzi. When he heard chatter, he startled. The section of the park he was accessing wasn’t really open to the public. His curiosity got the better of him and he made his way towards the noise.

His breath got caught in this throat as he processed who he was looking at. There is no way Wanyin is here. Except, last he heard—

—Wanyin is in the country because of his sister, isn’t he?

“Wanyin,” he whispered, without realizing that he had spoken loud enough for the other to notice him.

Wanyin turned around, seemingly confused. His expression changed to that of surprise when his eyes landed on Lan Xichen.

Xichen couldn’t help but feel the familiar speeding of his heart, something that always happened when Wanyin was around despite the years acting as a chasm between them.

“Wanyin…” he whispered again, his voice sounding too much like a prayer.

“Xichen,” Wanyin responded, startled.

Before either of other of them could say anything further, however, their nephews came running towards them. A-Yuan gave Xichen one of his tight hugs that always made Xichen feel better and Xichen hugged back equally as fervently.

“Shushu, what are you doing here?” he said, enthusiastically.

He gently patted down his nephew’s hair and combed some stray bangs behind his ears.

“Well, I am here for the same reason you are,” he said, an unintentional smile making way to his face.

“You’re also here for a picnic?” he exclaimed, “come, join us! We have so much food! Jiujiu packed a lot in case we got hungry.”

It was only when his nephew mentioned picnic, that he had noticed a blanket with a basket lying on top placed right next to them. Again, before he could reject or accept the offer, Jing Ling interrupted.

“Jiujiu, please. Can he please join us? It would be so much fun. We could do teams of two and you can both play catch with us. A-Yuan keeps winning because he is taller,” Jin Ling pouted slightly.

A-Yuan smirked. “I am only 1 inch taller than you, A-Ling.”

He could see visible veins popping on Jin Ling’s forehead as his chest puffed up with indignant anger.

“Alright, alright. That is enough out of the both of you. It is not up to us but entirely up to Lan Xichen if he wants to join us. We might be interrupting. Or he might just want to be alone,” he said pointedly, as he stared at the two kids who looked at the ground guiltily.

“No one wants to be alone,” muttered Jin Ling, petulantly.

“Brat,” gave back Wanyin. And—

—Xichen couldn’t help but chuckle. Once it started, it wouldn’t stop. He kept on seeing Jin Ling’s pout and Wanyin’s exasperated but fond expression that did nothing to deter his nephew from talking back. And he just kept laughing.

He could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks, his stomach cramping painfully. He really needed to breath, lack of air already making itself known, but he could not help it.

Eventually, though, after what felt like eternity, it subsided.

“I must apologize, but that was quite…” Xichen trailed off, chuckling again.

Once Xichen calmed down a bit, he saw everyone just staring at him. Whereas Jin Ling looked at him with mix of bewilderment and embarrassment, his own nephew simply smiled.

Lan Xichen's eyes landed on Wanyin. Ah, he looked just as radiant as Xichen remembered him to be. Except, now there was a slight blush coloring Wanyin’s features, probably due to the embarrassment of being laughed at. The truth was, though, that Xichen wasn’t really laughing at him. Even so, it was difficult to explain what he was laughing at.

“Well…?” Wanyin said, sounding expectant.

Xichen looked at him, confused. Did he miss a question while he was laughing?

“Will you be joining us?” Wanyin further questioned, his eyebrow raised.

“Ah…” Xichen realized. As much as he wanted to stay and inquire more about Wanyin’s well-being, it wouldn’t be prudent to do so with the mental state he was in.

“Sure,” he said, instead. His eyes widened in horror as soon as he realized what he had just done.

Why was he always making a mess of things when he was around Wanyin? Why had that not changed despite the years? He despaired.

However, now that he had committed to it, he had only blinked back, restraining any other expression from coloring his face, and smiled instead. His insides might be a mess but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t fake a calm outside.

Wanyin seemed unsure, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. “If you are sure…”

“Oh my god, Jiujiu. He already said yes. Now, let’s separate in teams. I will obviously be getting Jiujiu as my partner. You can play with your shushu, A-Yuan,” Jin Ling said, magnanimously.

Wanyin sighed and folded his arms across his chest. “Oh, how generous of you, A-Ling,” he responded dryly.

Jin Ling only rolled his eyes and dragged his uncle further away from them, presumably talking tactics. Xichen tried to suppress another giggle.

He had already seen Jin Ling’s antics around Guangyao, but he had never thought that Jin Ling was similarly close to Wanyin. He was glad, though, if Jin Ling was. Xichen knew how a betrayal of a loved one hurt. After all, the same person had hurt him too. He would have to admit, however, that Jin Ling seemed to be faring much better than him. Perhaps, because Jin Ling got his mother’s spirit. He knew that despite having a difficult family environment, Yanli had continued to remain gentle and kind. All the siblings had, in their own way.

He turned to A-Yuan, who still had a soft smile on his face.

“I am glad that you’re here, Shushu,” he said, softly. “You don’t need to play if you don’t want to. I can play for the both of us.”

Xichen opened his palms and gestured for A-Yuan’s hand. Once he held his nephew’s hand, he began to give it a reassuring squeeze.

“I am alright, A-Yuan. Let’s play. Tell me, what strategy would you use to win a game of catch?” he asked lightly.

A-Yuan grinned. “Shushu, don’t worry. If A-Ling still favors his left side, then we can easily win. We will just keep aiming for his right. I highly doubt his jiujiu would care too much about this game, anyways.”

Strategy formed, they both nodded to each other. They faced their opponent, ready to obliterate them. Except—

—they were wrong. Wanyin took the game very seriously. Too seriously. They had no chance. They lost miserably.

Lan Xichen was aching in places he had not thought possible from a mere game of catch. The amount of running and catching he had to do at odd angles had been too much. He had been way out of practice for this kind of rigorous event. After such a shameful display, he had resolved to go back to the gym and take on harder workout routines again. Because this was just plain embarrassing.

In the end, the smug smile on Wanyin’s and Jin Ling’s faces were worth it. Both had high-fived when the game ended and called for a rematch. Feeling far too tired and bruised (even if it was just bruised ego), he had declined politely and headed for the blanket to rest.

Wanyin joined him soon after, a smile still adorning his lips.

“Here, old man,” Wanyin had taken out an ice-cold bottle of water from the cooler and placed it on his exposed skin. He had jumped at the unanticipated chill.

Wanyin had chuckled again, “Sorry, sorry. Couldn’t help myself. Here, have some water. The cold won’t just help with dehydration but also with the soreness. You can put it on top of tense muscles and bruises.”

Xichen took the bottle gratefully and fumbled with the cap, unable to open it because his body felt depleted of energy. Wanyin took the bottle back and uncapped it for him.

“Are you okay?” he asked, worried. “I honestly didn’t realize that I had gone this hard on you. I am sorry. I get competitive sometimes. And Jin Ling and I have only just started to bond so I wanted to do my best for him.”

Xichen couldn’t help but smile hearing that. “It’s alright,” he said. “Usually, I am able to take it but I haven’t exactly had the time to go to the gym in the past few months.”

He saw Wanyin’s expression change with the mention of the past few months. So, Xichen slowly proceeded to add—

“—but I am glad that you two are getting along! I know that it might have been rough for him. I heard from A-Zhan and your brother that he is having a hard time to process. Understandably so,” he concluded.

Wanyin nodded and turned away from him to watch the kids. He seemed to be in deep thoughts so Xichen remained silent, taking slow sips of his water. Wanyin was right. Slow sips really helped calm him down.

“A-Ling is taking it hard, but the past few weeks have been good. For a while there, I wasn’t sure that him staying with me was the best idea because I would set him off without intending to. But we talked. Then, we worked on it. And things have been good.”

Xichen saw Wanyin’s countenance change into one of contentment.  

“—I will never admit it to him, but I love seeing him this way. I can’t help but give in to his demands and spoil him. And I am afraid that he is starting to figure that out—” Wanyin added as he chuckled lightly.

Xichen startled at the sound, mesmerized in all of the ways he had forgotten he used to be. Wanyin’s eyes went a shade lighter as his wide smile crinkled the corner of his eyes. Xichen remembered the Wanyin that was a little more guarded, a little less willing to admit to flaws, and a lot less willing to laugh freely.

Wanyin noticed the stumped silence and he turned towards him, confused.

“Something wrong?” he questioned, his eyes going a shade darker than it had been before.

Xichen shook his head and smiled. “Nothing, just…” he trailed off.

Wanyin waited, silently.

“Do you ever wonder how you could have missed something so right in front of you? Like, were you being willfully ignorant this whole time?”

Xichen abruptly turned away from Wanyin’s gaze, feeling ashamed. He hadn’t known what had possessed him to ask such a thing, something he had been asking himself as he battled with his own demons. Perhaps, their interaction and Wanyin’s willingness to display his vulnerability had created a false sense of security and encouraged him to divulge such thoughts to someone he hardly knew anymore. Except—

—except that was not entirely true.

He had known Wanyin for quite some time. Known him, trusted him.

They had been close friends, and someone he had trusted with all of his heart. If it hadn’t been for Wanyin moving away, he had been sure that he would have given Wanyin something more than just his trust. He would have given Wanyin his heart. However, reality had set in and their paths had diverged before he could even give voice to those wishes. So, he had locked them away in the deepest crevices of his heart, never to be revisited again.

He could feel the lock creaking now, though. No, he told himself. Not again.

He didn’t think he could take Wanyin leaving again if Xichen were to open the pandora’s box that was his complicated feelings for Wanyin. Not after everything else Xichen had been dealing with. No. Better to keep it locked away. After all, Wanyin is only here for few more weeks.

Although Wanyin’s stay seemed to have been prolonged, and he didn’t seem to be in a hurry to leave, there had been no whispers of him staying either. So, he would probably leave again, right? Xichen shook himself. There was no reason for him to think about this. And he should probably leave before his thoughts went any further—

“Wanyin, I believe it’s time for me lea—” he started to say.

“Yes,” Wanyin responded. “There was a time in my life when I was running away from a lot of things. Who wouldn’t when the only other option was confronting everything you were trying to forget, bury, or refuse to believe? I had to force myself to confront it.”

Wanyin turned to him and gave him a sardonic smile, “Maybe I will update you on how that goes.”

“Well, that will only be possible if we stayed in touch, no?” Xichen replied, lightly. He could tell that his tone betrayed a tinge of bitterness, though. He cursed internally and hoped that Wanyin didn’t pick up on it.

Wanyin only smiled back, amused.

“Okay touché. I admit that I am at fault for losing touch, but I was trying to be a good friend and not take more of your time away from people here. People I thought might be better for you,” he reasoned, apology clear in his tone.

“Like whom?” he said, searchingly, unsure of where Wanyin got the idea that Xichen would be better off talking to other people instead of Wanyin.

When Wanyin remained silent, a realization dawned on him. Jin Guangyao.

He felt anger spread inside of him like a tumor. Even in death, his former friend had the ability to infest and hurt the beautiful parts of his life that he held close to his heart.

Before he could go down that spiral, he felt warmth encircling his wrist. Wanyin’s hand gently squeezed his wrist, anchoring Xichen in a way he had not thought possible amid the chaos that was his thoughts.

“It’s not what you think. He didn’t do anything that I wasn’t already doing to myself. At least not to my knowledge. I believe that I was too far away to be affected much by him, outside of him hurting the people close to me,” he sighed and let go of Xichen’s wrist.

As soon as he let go, Xichen missed the warmth. His hands itched to reach out and put Wanyin’s hand where they were mere seconds ago.

“I told you, Xichen. All of that took some time for me to process. Even now, it took a call from Jiejie asking me to return. I always knew I was going to come back. I just didn’t know when. That phone call made that decision for me,” he said as he lightly nudged Xichen’s shoulder with his.

Xichen felt his heart speed again, his heart having calmed down as he stayed beside Wanyin.

Heart in throat, he asked—

“Does this mean that you’re staying?”

—not caring that he sounded far too eager and excited at the prospect to be considered appropriate.

Wanyin’s eyes widened, as if noting the change in his demeaner. He smiled and nodded, confirming.

Xichen felt a bubble of happiness burst within him. He had forgotten the last time he had felt this elated. Just this morning, he hadn’t even known that he was capable of feeling anything other than regret and guilt. Now, however, now he was bursting with more emotions than he could put words to. Perhaps, it was the residual adrenaline from the game earlier or the simple pleasure of being in Wanyin’s company again.

In his happiness, Xichen didn’t even realize that he had crossed over the few inches between them until he was far too close to be deemed appropriate. He saw Wanyin’s eyes widen before Xichen encircled him in a hug.

He felt Wanyin stiffen, and he felt embarrassment and mortification fill him.

What am I doing? He was already ruining their relationship before it started. Why hadn’t he asked before he hugged?

Xichen despaired internally as he quickly started to untangle himself, apology ready on the tip of his tongue. However, before he could, he felt Wanyin’s unsure arms encircle him and tug him closer.

The hug was tentative, at best. Awkward, at worst. It was also the best hug Xichen had had for a while. He slowly sank into Wanyin’s embrace and tugged him closer, trusting Wanyin to push him away if he wished. Wanyin only tightened his grip and Xichen slowly lost track of time.

After what seemed like hours, even though it was probably only minutes, they both started to pull away. He looked into Wanyin’s eyes, limbs still entangled and Wanyin still in his arms.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you for staying.”

Wanyin’s eyes widened, and his cheeks reddened even further, the blush now coloring the entirety of his cheeks, the tip of his nose, and the lower part of his forehead. Xichen greedily followed the path with his eyes, satisfaction curling within him.

His eyes found Wanyin’s again and he stilled, captivated by the flicker of different emotions. Xichen’s eyes slowly moved down, as if starved for every single detail.

His eyes stopped again, this time on Wanyin’s lips. It remained there and he heard – felt – the sharp intake of breath. His eyes traveled up again to Wanyin’s startled ones. Before he could make his intention clear, however, they were interrupted—

—by a ball. To his head. He moved forward on reflex as the back of his head was hit, flinching in pain. That had been the wrong move, because his forehead connected with Wanyin’s and pain exploded from both ends of his head.

“Ow!” Wanyin called out. He slowly disentangled himself from Xichen and gently rubbed the surface where their foreheads collided painfully.

“Xichen, what--?” Wanyin began to ask but was interrupted by his nephew.

“Sorry! Oh god, are you okay, Uncle Xichen? I am so sorry!” Jin Ling kept apologizing as he hovered over Xichen, looking absolutely terrified.

Amid the throbbing pain, he heard Wanyin ask his nephews what had happened. When he realized that Xichen had been hurt, he quickly slapped Xichen’s hand away and started massaging the area where the ball hit. Then, he proceeded to press an ice pack onto the swollen area.

“You need to ice this for at least 20 minutes. We need to make sure you’re not concussed. Can you focus on my fingers? Oh god, maybe we should take you to the hospital. What if something happens to you? —”

Wanyin kept on fussing and worrying, so Xichen took hold of one of Wanyin’s hands and gripped it between both of his.

“It’s alright. I am alright. Just a bit of swelling. I will be fine. Just let me hold onto something, okay?” he said, sounding reassuring but also relishing the idea of having an excuse to hold Wanyin’s hand.

Wanyin seemed placated at that. He also proceed to help Xichen ice his injuries. Perhaps, it was a good thing that he got hit on the head. He could always cite the head injury as an excuse for not remembering his stupidly impulsive act from earlier.

What were you thinking? he berated himself.

Just that morning, he had to make great effort to get out of the house. Now, he felt completely energized. His body thrummed with excitement at the new possibilities. Even if Wanyin didn’t want anything outside of friendship, he would feel immense joy from merely having him close. The connection he had felt with Wanyin had remained unparalleled even after they had drifted apart over the years.

--

[flashback]

“Sit!” he had heard Wanyin order somebody.

Xichen peaked around the corner, into the backyard, and chuckled.

“Wanyin, those are rabbits, not dogs. They are not trained the same way,” Xichen made his way towards the rabbits with some carrots.

“Fine,” Wanyin had pouted as he fed the rabbits some carrots.

Xichen had picked one of the rabbits up and placed it on Wanyin’s lap. “They might not be dogs, but they are just as soft. They are also the best for hugs and cuddles,” he had said with a smile.

His smile had only grown when he saw the delightful blush spread over Wanyin’s cheeks. Ah, his words had the intended effect. He really loved seeing his friend flustered.

“Shut up,” Wanyin had grumbled, “who said anything about wanting hugs and cuddles?”

“Aww, do I hear that Wanyin wants hugs and cuddles?” he had teased as he had picked two more rabbits and placed them on Wanyin.

Wanyin could do nothing but hold on to the rabbits, lest they slip off and hurt themselves. Despite knowing that Xichen would never deliberately put the rabbits anywhere they might be hurt, it had been adorable to see that Wanyin still held onto them securely. Not being able to help himself, he added more to the pile on top of Wanyin, with the last rabbit being place on Wanyin’s head.

“Xichen—” Wanyin had growled softly, not wanting to move and startle the rabbit into jumping off from too high a place.

Xichen had chuckled at the absolutely endearing image in front of him and quickly gotten his phone to take some pictures. Wanyin had scowled at almost every one of them but hadn’t stopped Xichen.

At some point, there were rabbits that had merely gotten bored and jumped off of Wanyin, so Wanyin had carefully picked up the rabbit that was placed on top of his head. He had gently balanced the rabbit on the crook of his elbow and continued to pet it tenderly.

Xichen had been so overwhelmed with love that he couldn’t help but take a picture of such a lovely moment. He had offered to share the pictures with Wanyin but Wanyin had refused out of embarrassment. He had shared some in the group chat that their siblings shared, knowing that Wanyin wouldn’t mind despite his posturing. However, Xichen hadn’t shared one picture with anyone. It was the one of Wanyin petting the rabbit. It was because of Wanyin’s expression, so vulnerable and open, that he had felt wrong sharing it with anyone else.

That picture was always the one he had returned to during the time he had missed Wanyin. He still had it, despite upgrading and changing phones. He didn’t even know why he kept it after all these years. However, he never was able to get rid of it.

[flashback ends]

Xichen chuckled as he saw the picture again on his phone. It was a rather adorable one. It was also the very reason he had been forced to acknowledge his feelings for Wanyin years ago.

Xichen had only been back to his apartment for half an hour, and he was already missing his time at the park. After what had happened, Wanyin had stayed with him and dropped him off, insisting that he had only lived few minutes from Xichen’s place. However, because there might have still been paparazzi lurking, he had dropped Xichen off a bit further away and had followed Xichen to make sure that he got home safe.

As if working on impulse, or residual adrenaline, Xichen had proceeded to text him the picture at the last known phone number Xichen had of him. Few minutes later, his phone chirped with a text message.

Xichen had fumbled with his phone because he could feel his fingers shaking from excitement. Or it could possibly be the brain damage from the ball.

Wanyin :

Delete this.

I am serious

No one can know

This is just embarrassing

Xichen chuckled after reading the barrage of text messages. Before he could respond, he got another one.

Do you still have those rabbits?

How are they

Nvm not sure if that was appropriate

Do rabbits have a long or short life?

Xichen chuckled again and got to typing a response.

If you are curious, you’re more than welcome to come and see for yourself ;)

He texted back and quickly put his phone face down, excitement and anxiety clawing at him at the same time.

Stop it. Don’t make this weird. You’re just friends, he chided himself, unable to stop himself from falling into a dynamic that was similar to the one he had with Wanyin before he had left.

His phone chirped again, a little bird sound that Huaisang had programmed as a ringtone for text messages. It was Wanyin:

Maybe I will

Don’t think I haven’t noticed that there’s no one to accompany you at home

Actually

Pack your bags

Come to the restricted side of the park again

I will pick you up from there

No excuses

He froze reading the message. His brain stalled. Was Wanyin actually saying what Xichen thought he was? Before he could respond back, he heard his phone ring. Xichen jumped, alarmed, not having expected the device to make sudden noises like that. He fumbled with his phone again and clicked to accept the call.

“Hi,” he whispered, unsure.

“Hey,” he heard Wanyin on the other side. “Look, I know we barely reconnected, but I am worried about you. Head injuries are really delicate, and I don’t want to just leave you in case you have a concussion. If you’re able to make the trip to the park again, or somewhere else that’s equally as secluded, then I can pick you up. The property that I live on is huge and no one can really get in without my permission. We wouldn’t be hounded by the press and I can make sure that you’re still alright,” Wanyin rambled on, worried.

Xichen listened for the pause that he knew would be coming.

“I wouldn’t want to impose or trouble you, Wanyin. I can always ask someone if I feel unwell,” he said carefully, not wanting to be a bother for someone he had only just reconnected with.

“But what if you don’t know until it’s too late? Or, worse, what if something goes wrong while you’re asleep and there’s no one to help?” Wanyin’s voice sounded more panicked as he listed various unlikely possibilities.

Xichen sighed, knowing that he would give in. It wasn’t exactly a hardship letting Wanyin care for him.

“Alright, if you insist. I can grab a few things and make a small duffle bag. Once I start to make my way to the park, I will let you know so you can come pick me up, alright?”

“Thank you for working with me on this. And sounds good,” the relief was palpable in Wanyin’s voice.

“No problem, see you in a bit, Wanyin,” he couldn’t help whispering the last part.

After a brief pause, Wanyin responded, “See you, Xichen.”

--

[flashback]

“I got an offer from one of the branches of the company I am interning at,” he had said, tentatively, as he fed the ducks with Xichen.

He could feel his friend perk up. His suspicions had been confirmed when Xichen completely turned towards him and smiled in delight.

“Oh, Wanyin! Congratulations! I knew you could do it. I told you that you could do it!”

He had an automatic smile form on his lips as he felt his friend’s happiness.

“Yea, it’s quite unbelievable for sure,” he had said, not being able to muster a similar enthusiasm.

“Wanyin,” Xichen had responded, searchingly. “What’s wrong?”

Jiang Cheng had known it was now or never.

“I will have to leave the country. The branch isn’t here, Xichen.”

He had seen Xichen’s eyes widen and his smile falter. “Oh.”

His friend had abruptly turned towards the ducks and proceeded to feed them instead of adding anything further. After a long pause, Jiang Cheng had sighed.

“I know I should be happy. I love what I am doing right now, and I think there will be so many things I will learn. A new perspective. Plus, I think some time away after everything that happened might be good for me…”

Xichen hadn’t said anything, only continued to feed the ducks. Jiang Cheng had placed his hands on his friend’s, halting his movements.

“I think we have fed them enough. If we feed them anymore, the park attendants might kicks us out,” he said, aiming for humor.

His friend had refused to make eye contact with him. Instead, Xichen merely poured the rest of the food back into the small Tupperware they had designated for the feed. After, he had abruptly gotten up, gather his things, and started to walk without waiting for Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng had quickly jogged to catch up. He almost ran into Xichen when Xichen had stopped powerwalking abruptly again.

Without turning around, Xichen had said, “I am truly happy for you, Wanyin. This is a good opportunity, and—”

He had stopped talking, taking labored breaths that made it pretty obvious that he had been trying to stop his voice from cracking. Jiang Cheng did the only thing he thought would give some comfort. He had wrapped his arms around Xichen, his chest to Xichen’s back. Jiang Cheng had known that his friend was trying to be strong for him.

“I will miss you too, Xichen. So so much. You don’t even know what you have done for me. You have never made me feel that I was anything but good enough. That I was worth loving. So, I want to try. I want to try to love myself, to live for myself and discover things that I love outside of any expectations.”

Xichen had disentangled himself and turned around. He had then proceeded to wrap Jiang Cheng in a proper hug.

“You are, Wanyin. You are loved. And you will always be loved. Remember, your family loves you. You friends love you. And I—” Xichen had faltered.

“I love you,” he whispered into Jiang Cheng’s hair as he tightened his grip.

After Jiang Cheng had left for his job, he had kept in constant contact with Xichen. They had video chats that were planned way in advance that neither ever missed. However, life got in the way and those chats became fewer and fewer over the months, and then the years. Jiang Cheng had wanted to fill the void, so he had attempted to visit his friend. His friend had been pleasant as always, but Jiang Cheng had felt that there was something missing.

Jiang Cheng had soon discovered what that void was when he had called Xichen one night. Instead of Xichen, Guangyao had picked up.

“Hi! Sorry, Xichen isn’t available right now but I can let him know to call you when he gets done,” he had said apologetically. 

“A-Yao, please hurry!” he had heard Xichen’s voice call out in the background.

“Ah, sorry! Have to go. But let me know if I can pass on a message for you.”

“No no,” Jiang Cheng had fumbled through his response, “I-I guess I will just call later. Thanks.”

He had remembered how his heart had felt crushed at that moment. He had felt as if he had been replaced in Xichen’s heart, but he had quickly shaken the melancholy off. Xichen had every right to move on with his life. He could not be expected to wait around for Jiang Cheng to get back.

That had solidified his prolonged stay out of the country, because he soon extended his contract with the company for two more years. Which turned into another extension. Then, another.

What was the point of returning when his siblings already had their own lives, and his friends were no longer his to begin with?

[flashback ends]

“Shut up!” muttered Jiang Cheng half-heartedly.

“One day, he said. Two days, he said. Three days, he said. A week, at max, he said. It’s been over three weeks, Didi. Why is Xichen-ge still living here?” his brother mocked.

“Be quiet,” Jiang Cheng hissed in response. “He might hear you!”

Jiang Cheng looked behind him to make sure that Xichen was nowhere near them.

“A-Xian, stop bothering A-Cheng. Leave him alone,” his jiejie reprimanded his brother but before Jiang Cheng could be too smug about it, she continued, “A-Cheng will tell us about their relationship when he is ready—”

Jiang Cheng gaped at his sister, feeling betrayed. “Jiejie, you too?”

“—Or lack thereof,” she finished, as if she was never interrupted to begin with.

She patted Jiang Cheng’s cheek in comfort, as she proceeded to load his fridge with all the food she brought with her. This is the only way I can still take care of you, she had said and insisted on the phone and he could never deny her anything.

They had all decided to have some sibling time, with Lan Wangji and Jin Zixuan joining him after they got off of work. The kids had been very excited too, voluntarily opting to finish homework before everyone gathered together.

Lan Xichen had taken to working remotely, insisting that he needed some time away from the constant onslaught of media and outsiders. Jiang Cheng hadn’t really minded and only proceeded to offer him supplies for his prolonged stay. Plus, it always helped to have another adult around when there were two very creative kids living with you.

After his initial hesitance, Jin Ling had opened up. He had also become open to throwing tantrums in the most articulate way possible. Every time he was upset, Jiang Cheng had insisted that they talk out what was upsetting him, so he came up with the sassiest way to express himself and get on Jiang Cheng’s last nerve. How his noble attempts at understanding his nephew had turned into his nephew using it against him, he had no clue. Though he would never admit it, he was reluctantly impressed at the audacity. He was also just glad that his nephew was feeling better enough to not hesitate around him anymore.

Perhaps, the best part about Xichen living with them was that Jin Ling now had someone who had felt the same loss and betrayal as him close. They had both bonded over that, despite the initial reluctance. The process had proven to be healing the both of them. Whenever Jiang Cheng sensed conversations like that, he just stayed in the periphery, letting both know that he was there if he was needed but otherwise could be forgotten about.

“I hear there was a hug!” his brother giggled while (poorly) attempting to keep his voice down.

Jiang Cheng’s cheeks felt hot, already knowing that his whole face would soon turn tomato red.

“Wei Wuxian!” he hissed again, checking behind him again, even though he knew that Xichen was working and had his earphones in and that the rooms were sound proofed.  

“Hug?” his jiejie sounded surprised, “What is this about a hug?”

“Wei Wuxian—,” he tried to interrupt his brother who cackled like an absolute demon.

“Oh, Jiejie. Did our didi not tell you that A-Ling seemed to have interrupted a moment when he hit Xichen-ge on the head?” his brother sighed, dreamily.

Jiang Cheng looked at his brother, feeling equally part embarrassed and disgusted. It was not like that. They were not having a—

—except they kind of were. Weren’t they?

Stop it! He told himself. That had been a fluke, a moment that did not have a repeat. Not that he was disappointed, by any means.

He tuned back in when he noticed an absolute silence. His brother looked smug and amused at the same time. His jiejie, however, looked stunned.

“A-Cheng, is this true?” his jiejie asked, her neutral tone betraying nothing.

He gulped. He would rather deal with his brother’s teasing than his sister’s solemn tone.

“N-no. Nothing like that. We just hugged. We were having a moment—” his eyes widened. “Not like that!” he insisted.

His sister’s eyes widened and then narrowed.

“It’s seriously not like that,” he continued. “We are friends. We barely reconnected, and we are still learning things about each other. Besides, Guangyao just died. I highly doubt Xichen is looking for anything right now—”

He paused and his eyes widened in horror again. “—not that I am looking for anything like that right now anyways.”

Oh god, please. Just let the earth open and swallow him whole now.

He felt embarrassment overwhelm him as he busied himself with putting away some of the stuff his jiejie brought.

“A-Cheng,” he felt his jiejie tug at him. He turned around and faced her, steeling himself.

“You would tell us if you were in a relationship, wouldn’t you? You know that despite our teasing, we just want you to be happy,” his sister reminded him sincerely.

Despite the circumstance, he couldn’t help but feel immense love for his sister. No matter when he was, where he was, she was always looking out for him.

“Thank you, Jiejie. But I promise there’s nothing to tell. He really did get hurt from the ball and I brought him here so I could keep an eye on him. Then, I saw him struggle at the prospect of leaving. I don’t know everything, but I think this is a small reprieve for him. So, I offered him a place to stay and recharge. You know I have plenty of rooms. You’re both always welcome here too,” he pulled her in a hug as he finished.

No matter who he hugged, his sister’s hugs were always the best. As if feeling left out, his brother quickly draped himself all over them, turning the hug into a mini people-pile.

“Ah, I came out at a wrong time, didn’t I?” Jiang Cheng heard a familiar voice in the background.

The siblings slowly disentangled themselves, Jiang Cheng still not being to look at the person who had just come in because of the conversation with his siblings.

“Aiya, Xichen-ge!~” Wei Wuxian sang out. “Perfect timing! We were just asking Jiang Cheng about you.”

Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened in mortification as his head whipped towards his brother. He wouldn’t.

He saw his brother’s grin widen even more. Jiang Cheng gulped as terror filled him. His jiejie squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

“What A-Xian meant to say was that we needed a bit of a favor, if you don’t mind,” his jiejie said as she gestured to one of the island stools that would put Jiang Cheng and Xichen face-to-face.

Jiang Cheng felt like he had lost control of the situation and he had no idea of how to get it back. Xichen, as polite and trusting as ever, sat down and faced him. Unable to keep the eye contact for long, Jiang Cheng kept on fiddling with the tote bag that the food had come in.

“I am sure that you know our didi is permanently moving back to the country. That means that he will need a lot of help with things, right A-Cheng?” his jiejie had aimed a sweet smile at him.

Uncertain of how to respond, he had nodded dutifully, fully trusting that his sister was an absolute angel. Satisfied with his reaction, she nodded in response.

“Would you mind helping him with things, Xichen? A-Xian and I would normally be the ones to do that, but you already know of our situation…” she trailed off, sounding helpless.

Jiang Cheng’s eyes narrowed. No. There was no way that his sister was doing this deliberately. She was not Wei Wuxian. She wouldn’t play such underhanded tricks.

“Jiejie, it’s sweet of you to worry but I will be fine. You know that I have everything planned already,” he assured his sister, hoping that she lets this go.

“Oh, but I would be so worried if it were just you doing it alone. Perhaps, A-Xian and I can take turns and come visit. Maybe, the heat with the media would have died down. Plus, we can also ask the kids—”

“No need!” Xichen interjected. “I can help Wanyin.”

“But—,” Jiang Cheng tried again. However, before he could say anything further, two things happened. He saw Xichen give him a blinding smile and he felt his sister dig her nail into his bicep.

What's going on? He was so confused. Was his jiejie – sweet, innocent, Jiejie – conspiring against him? And did Xichen know about it?

No way. There was no way. He was overthinking this. There was no way Xichen even knew about his conversation with his siblings earlier.

“Great!” exclaimed his jiejie. “I am glad that my brother won’t be doing this alone.”

His brother’s shoulder shook with suppressed laughter, but Jiang Cheng completely ignored his brother.

“Aiya, Xichen-ge,” his brother started—

—and Jiang Cheng started massaging his temple to curb the impending headache.

“A little birdie told me that they saw our didi getting cozy with someone in the park. The kids won’t tell me anything and my didi refuses to indulge me,” he pouts for effect and leans towards Xichen. “Say, Xichen-ge, you don’t happen to know who my didi was cozying up to, do you?”

At this question, Jiang Cheng saw Xichen’s eyes widen in surprise, a light blush starting to spread from the tip of his ears to his cheekbones. When Xichen looked at him, Jiang Cheng quickly looked down in absolute humiliation.

He was either going to kill himself or his siblings. He really wasn’t picky at this point. Oh, why did he think it would be a great idea to invite both of his siblings when Xichen was still around?

“Wei Wuxian!” he finally gathered himself enough to glower, “For god’s sake, shut up!”

His brother only grinned at him and blew him a kiss. He then proceed to sidle up to Xichen.

“Don’t mind him, Ge. He’s all bark and no bite,” amusement clear from his brother’s tone.

“I will show you bite,” he muttered dangerously. He would have also leapt at his brother but his sister’s painful grip kept him grounded.

“We are all so worried about him. With that temper, he’s likely to drive everyone away, don’t you think, Xichen-ge?” Wei Wuxian asks innocently, but Jiang Cheng knows that it’s anything but innocent.

He could feel his sister tense next to him, as if just waiting for Xichen to say the wrong thing before snapping him in two.

Oh God, he realized with a sense of dread. Are they testing Xichen?

Paralyzed in fear, he hoped that Xichen knew to be wary. Jiang Cheng had no idea how they got here. He was merely making friends with Xichen. He had resolved himself to apologize to Xichen later, knowing that there was really no way for him to escape this now.

“I disagree,” he heard Xichen say, a little louder than was necessary. His voice seemed to brook no arguments.

In his fear, Jiang Cheng had completely forgotten the actual question his brother asked Xichen but seeing both of his siblings relax was a good indication. So, he internally sighed in relief.

“I disagree,” Xichen whispered, now looking at Jiang Cheng. His eyes softened and so did his smile. “I believe that you grossly underestimate Wanyin’s charm.”

Jiang Cheng blinked his eyes at the response, trying to process what Xichen had just said. He couldn’t help but feel shy at the intensity directed towards him, so he broke eye contact with Xichen and looked down, still fiddling with the tote bag.

Jiang Cheng heard his brother hum in response. “Hm, maybe. But he keeps frowning. I told him that he should frown less. He will get frown lines,” his brother said as he reached over to Jiang Cheng to trace the frown lines with his fingers.

Jiang Cheng batted his hands away in irritation. His brother chuckled.

“Do you see how prickly he is, Xichen-ge? How can anyone find this angry grape charming?” his brother insisted as he proceeded to pout like a little child. “Didi, you have to smile more. People will fall all over themselves if only you smiled. Have you seen Xichen-ge? People fall all over themselves for him because he smiles all the time.”

Wei Wuxian gestured towards Xichen’s ever-present smile and Jiang Cheng took a deep breath to calm down and not commit fratricide.

“Wei Wuxian, I must insist that you stop worrying. You brother is quite charming and handsome. He doesn’t need to change himself needlessly. When the time is right, and Jiang Cheng is ready, I am sure there will be someone waiting for him. Perhaps, the same person your brother was ‘cozying up to,’ as you so eloquently put it.”

Jiang Cheng felt Xichen’s eyes on him as Xichen said the last bit. Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened, and his eyes shot up to meet Xichen’s.

Did I hear that correctly? He wondered.

He heard his brother cackle and his sister’s grip loosened.

“A-Xian, come now. Let’s get some fresh air. It’s been a while since we have walked in the lotus garden,” his sister said as she dragged his brother away. He would have insisted to follow them, anything to escape this embarrassing situation, if he had not already known that delaying it would only ensure worse from his siblings.

Despite knowing all this, his eyes followed them helplessly as they exited the kitchen area. After they left, he continued to fiddle with the bag. He felt strangely shy at Xichen’s confession earlier.

Xichen probably hadn’t even meant it. He probably had only said it to get his siblings off their backs. He was probably being really nice.

Stop being weird, he begged himself. Please just say something. Anything.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jiang Cheng said like the idiot he was, “I mean, I know that you probably said all of that stuff because my siblings were being annoying and—”

He was interrupted from saying anything further by fingers that caressed the back of his hands, turning it around gently.

Cupping both of Jiang Cheng’s hands between his palms, Xichen cleared his throat.

“Jiang Cheng, please look at me,” he pleaded.

Slowly, but eventually, Jiang Cheng met Xichen’s eyes.

“We don’t have to do this, Xichen. I know that this is too soon and that you still love Guangyao,” he whispered.

Xichen frowned at him and then his eyes widened. “Wanyin, I was not in love with Guangyao. He was a friend. A dear one. But just a friend.”

“Oh…” Jiang Cheng responded, not knowing what to say.

All this time, he had been under the assumption that Xichen was holding back because of Guangyao. Jiang Cheng had wanted to respect that and accepted that he would only ever be friends with Xichen. Now, with this new information, it was taking him some time to process.

As if sensing his confusion, Xichen stood up and came around the island to stand where his jiejie had been standing before. Except, now, he had also turned Jiang Cheng around to face him.

“Wanyin, Lans do not lie. I told your siblings the truth just as I am telling you the truth. I will confess that I had not planned on letting you know until I was certain that this is what you wanted.”

Xichen then dragged another stool over and sat next to him, facing him but not touching. “I understand if you want nothing more than friendship. I request for nothing more than your friendship. However, if there is a chance, even the slightest…”

And Jiang Cheng felt absolutely breathless.

“Xichen, are you sure? You are far too kind. You have only just met me. Maybe, you should wait. My brother is right. I am not easy to get along with. Maybe—” he stopped mid-sentence when he saw Xichen fiddle with his phone without saying anything.

After a little while, Xichen seemed to find something on his phone and place it in front of Jiang Cheng.

“Do you remember all those times we went out together, with the rabbits and the cat café and the trampoline run and the park?” he asked with a slight smile.

Jiang Cheng couldn’t help but smile back. “Or, the zoo fiasco. I still can’t believe that Wei Wuxian managed to get attacked. There was a cage. How, just how?”

They both giggled.

Jiang Cheng directed his attention towards the phone, only for his eyes to widen. “You still have these?” he whispered in awe.

He remembered taking some of these pictures. Xichen, ever the gentleman, had always insisted on asking for permission. He had never minded, always feeling flattered that there was someone who wanted to include Jiang Cheng in their precious memories. He never realized, however, that Xichen would keep them stored them safely.

He felt his eyes well up as he scrolled through the pictures. He finally stopped at the one shaky selfie they had taken together. His fingers traced the photo.

“Do you want to know my favorite one?” Xichen asked, after a moment.

Jiang Cheng nodded, looking at him. Xichen grinned in response.

“It was the one I sent you the day we met at the park,” he confessed. “At the park, if the ball hadn’t hit me, I would have kissed you.”

Jiang Cheng eyes widened, not quite sure why he was so shocked at the admission even though he remembered Xichen looking very intently at his lips.

“I would have kissed you like I wanted to kiss you years ago. Before you had left,” his voice broke.

Not being able to help himself, Jiang Cheng abandoned the phone and turned towards Xichen, this time being the one to cup both of Xichen’s hand between his palms.

“Xichen, I am sorry…” he started to say but Xichen shook his head.

“Don’t be. You needed that time to heal, to find yourself, to breathe. I would never begrudge you that. The only reason I told you this was because I wanted to let you now that my feelings are not fleeting. I loved you then and I love you now. That has not changed.”

Xichen slowly took his hands from between Jiang Cheng’s.

“So, if you have to reject me, then I understand. But please don’t patronize me. I might be too trusting at times, but I know my heart. I know who it belongs to and who it beats for. So, reject me, if you will. But please don’t insult me,” he sounded resolute, almost pleading.

Jiang Cheng slowly reached out to caress Xichen’s face. He wiped the tears from the corner of Xichen’s eyes.

“You’re being silly. Why would I reject an unlimited supply of hugs and cuddles from your rabbits? Especially when you can join the cuddle pile now.” Jiang Cheng said, attempting to lighten up the mood while also confessing.

He felt both of his wrists being seized.

“Wanyin, could this really be true?” Xichen asked, awe-struck.

Jiang Cheng cleared his throat and imitated Xichen’s earlier expression, “Don’t patronize me—” he started to say. However, he was soon silenced by insistent lips that met his. Jiang Cheng couldn’t help but smile through his tears.

He felt Xichen pull him closer to deepen the kiss, his arms automatically going around Xichen’s neck—

“OH MY GOD, MY EYES!” shrieked Jiang Cheng’s nephew.