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It was a beautiful day outside. Arthur was in a good mood, the weather was warm, and the sky was clear. For all of these reasons Merlin should have been in a good mood as well. Yet here he was, stressing and dropping things and fumbling around, overcome with nervousness.
Today was the day that Arthur would finally have magic legalized. He had been working towards it for months, removing penalties and punishments one at a time, slowly convincing each member of the council, and subsequently all of Camelot, that magic was not actually the evil force that his father had convinced everyone it was.
Merlin should have been happy. Really, he should have been ecstatic. He need no longer hide such a large part of his identity. Yet he did not know how he would even reveal such a thing. Would Arthur be mad at him for keeping such a secret from him, his closest friend? Or would Arthur look at him differently? Sure, he was legalizing magic, but did that mean that it wouldn’t change his opinion of someone for having magic?
You’re overthinking things, Merlin told himself. He would tell Arthur when it felt right, whenever that was. And Merlin could not control how Arthur reacted, so why worry about it? He should be proud of Arthur. He had come to the realization all by himself that not all magic-users were evil, and decided to convince the council of this by himself as well. Merlin had given advice when asked, but he did his best not to interfere in such a significant event in their destiny. Yes, Merlin had nothing to worry about.
So there he was, sweating and looking terrified while he tried to help Arthur prepare for the announcement ceremony of the new policy. For once in his life, Arthur didn’t question Merlin’s lack of coordination and unusual nervousness. Perhaps Arthur was too distracted to notice it, or he simply passed it off as trepidation for such an important ceremony.
When the moment finally came around, Merlin was in a state of numbness and shock. The impact of what was going on around him hadn’t quite registered yet, so he kept surprisingly cool for the majority of the ceremony.
Merlin was standing against the wall in the great hall along with all the other servants. He scanned the room and took in the reactions of the people in the crowd. The knights were all looking as proud and noble as ever with mostly indifferent expressions, except for Gwaine, who could never keep a straight face for long and was fighting a grin. Mordred gave Merlin a quick, slight smile and winked at him. He must be just as nervous as me, Merlin thought. But he is a knight. He has to stay calm and collected for events like this.
Soon the ceremony was coming to a close. This is it, this is the moment. Keep it together. Merlin’s heart was beating so fast and loudly that he was surprised no one else heard it.
“…and hereby legalize all harmless magic in Camelot” Arthur concluded. He said it proudly, standing in front of the crowd with Guinevere at his side and his knights in front of him. As Merlin heard the words, time seemed to slow down. His thoughts raced through his head. It happened. I’m free. I’m safe. I can tell Arthur. I should tell Arthur. I should tell the knights and Gwen too! I should tell everyone as soon as possi-
“I have magic!”
Before he realized what he was thinking, the words were tumbling out of his mouth. Merlin had just shouted to everyone he knew and everyone he didn’t know that he had magic. He suddenly felt lightheaded and his face heated as he blushed. Every single eye in the hall was on him. But he was so relieved too.
“My God, you have no idea how hard it was to keep that in” Merlin said as he bent over and put his hands on his knees. He was suddenly exhausted. He was breathing heavily and had to lean against the wall for support as he looked at the faces around him.
The reactions weren’t as bad as he expected though. Most people were just shocked. Only a few old men looked disapproving or disgusted. Gaius looked strangely proud.
Everyone was silent. A long, painfully awkward minute passed before he heard someone else speak.
“So do I!”
It was a woman in the crowd. The wife of a well-respected lord. Her hand had shot up as she said it, so no one could mistake who it came from. The attention of the people shifted to her. She looked indignant, as if silently daring the crowd to disapprove. Her eyes found Merlin, and she gave him a small nod and understanding smile.
More silence followed. But it wasn’t over yet.
“Me too!” blurted Mordred. He immediately put his hand over his mouth and looked surprised, as if he didn’t know he was going to say that. Once again the attention of the crowd shifted.
Arthur looked the most shocked of all. Merlin watched as a million emotions flashed on his face. Arthur looked confused, then appalled, then horrified, sad, sympathetic, confused again, then understanding, and finally settled on decisive and content.
Arthur finally sputtered a response “Uh, alright then, I guess I made the right decision here.”