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“You’ll ‘think’ about it?” the boy asked the girl. She laughed, lightly, but he could see on her face she was hesitant.
“I was just saying that,” Alina promises, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, “I’m trying out… diplomacy. I won’t just tell everyone what I think all the time.”
Mal frowns, and then thinks, looking out to the lake. After another beat, he says, “Maybe you should think about it.”
“What?” Alina says, a scoff in her voice. “Mal. I’d never marry Nikolai. I don’t want to be queen, being the ‘most powerful Grisha’ is enough trouble as it is.”
“I know, but you are that Grisha. You’ve already taken the responsibility. We lost our chance at a quiet life, long ago,” he says, but there’s nothing accusatory in his tone. Alina worries her lip anyway, looking at his bright eyes. Mal smiles, easy as always, “It would be advantageous, marrying an otkazat’sya prince. It’d be a helluva way to bring Grisha and non-Grisha together.”
“You’re being absurd,” Alina says, voice hard as she circles her arms around her knees.
“I’m not saying I don’t want to be with you, or that I want to see you with him, even,” Mal insists, placing a hand on her shoulder. She gives him a little glare. “Besides, he said you could still have me.”
“You’re not just a doll or a toy to play with, Mal,” Alina says, another scoff. Mal sighs lightly.
“I’m not saying I am.”
“Are you certain?” Alina asks, and he brushes her hair back from her face.
“Alina. I’m just being… realistic. I’m telling you, I will stay by your side no matter what. Even if you consider a political, business marriage. Even if you pursue it. I know you’ve had a hard relationship to power, but someone like you can do a lot of good in a high place. We’ve already seen it. And, yeah, Nikolai has gone out of his way to expose himself to how real Ravkan people live their lives, but most of the people in court have no idea what it’s like to be from Keramzin. Your perspective as Queen would be.. invaluable.”
Alina shakes her head, but leans in to kiss him gently anyway. He smiles against her lips, small and just a bit sad.
“I won’t be deciding this on a whim, or a couple of conversations,” she whispers, and then glances ahead of her again, to the water. She watches as the sun reflects off the surface, as wind blows over and creates small ripples.
--
Being Queen of Ravka is a stressful endeavor. There is much to do, and never enough time to do it. Alina is not the type to be content to sit on the throne, and neither is her husband. She and Nikolai are engaged leaders.
They travel across Ravka, their personal guard in tow, to speak to the people. See them. Hear their petitions, and draw up budgets and plans that can even begin to right some of the wrongs in their country.
In this way, it’s not at all glamorous. There are people who show them their anger and disappointment at how the country has been run. Prod their fingers, even at the King and Queen, even at one of the most powerful Grisha known to man. Alina does her best to take it in stride, and Nikolai outright laughs about it afterwards. He swears he can understand their anger, and doesn’t begrudge them for it, even if they spit on the Lanstov name.
He’s a good King. As well, he’s a good husband, despite their sham of a marriage. He apologized, for the one time he kissed her without warning, and now he gives ample notice ahead of kissing her, and she allows him to do it.
At night, she lies beside the captain of her guard and the true holder of her heart, and she wonders, idly, if either man will eventually come to resent this. Although Mal was the one who helped reason her into the match, she can’t help but occasionally feel guilty. She’d wanted to marry him, after all. Not Nikolai.
Of course, Alina’s life had taken a turn for the strange a long time ago, now, and it seems like it had never felt like stopping. She got used to it, that was all she could do.
The interesting thing is, Nikolai and Mal are great friends. They work together, now, and strategize. Mal has become not only the Captain of their personal guard, but a very trusted advisor to the throne. Some members of the court were not too pleased, and questioned his credentials, but Nikolai brushed them off with quick wit and reason that he’s got an excellent track record as a guard and solider (aside from deserting the First Army).
Mal has a varied history, much wisdom, great empathy, and he in a good position to advise on things that people living their whole lives in Os Alta might miss out on. Just like Alina, and even Nikolai himself.
They don’t just work together, though. They laugh, they drink, they clap each other on the back and tell one another stories. Oh, they both love to tell stories.
On quiet nights in, after long days of hearing the stories of Ravka and making plans to do better, sending off letters to their liaisons back in Os Alta to start to get some of this work done, Nikolai and Mal tell stories together.
Sometimes they compete- who can come up with the most outlandish thing, who can make Alina laugh so hard she snorts? Who can grip Alina’s heart, make her wave her face and punch him in the arm because she was not prepared to cry over a fiction this evening? Which one of them can make Alina sigh romantically and lean her head on his shoulder?
But even in competition, the one who wins is Alina. They never decide who tells the best story, after all, they never make her declare a winner. They compete in this way because it pushes their creativity, there are no claws or sharp teeth, and there is no prize other than the satisfaction of pleasing their audience.
As well, some nights they collaborate. They pose stories as questions, encouraging the other to jump in, help them out. Sometimes Alina joins in, giving her own two cents, arguing that “no woman would say that!” or saying “well I think it would be better if they…”, but much of the time, she sits with a pillow in her lap, twirling a braid around her finger, listening to two of her favourite people in the whole world laugh and build upon story after story, eagerly looking at each other for the next part.
It’s miraculous, Alina thinks, that they can have this. That she can be married to one man and in love with another and the two of them are okay with it. They enjoy each other’s company, and hers.
Eventually, she stops waiting for the other shoe to drop, and learns to trust in this. To accept that, as odd as it might look, to an outsider, that their relationship is okay. It’s better than okay. It’s wonderful and lovely, and once she settles into it, she wouldn’t change it for the world. he trusts the two men that if they would want to change it, one of them would say something to her.
--
It’s a few years before Mal says something to her.
It’s not at all what she was expecting, back in the early days of this arrangement. She used to worry, so much, that Mal would decide he could not play second fiddle, that he could not stand to see even the fake chaste kisses her husband gives her, but he never made an issue of that.
No, one day, by the lake in Os Alta yet again, Mal turns to Alina and says, one more time at her request, “I- yes, Alina, I want your husband in bed with us. I don’t know when, or how-” and Alina is laughing. “Alina!” Mal says.
“I do too,” Alina says, soft, and quiet. It’s been building for some time. Life never stops throwing her something new and strange to deal with. She laughs, again. “Could you imagine, telling me when Nikolai first proposed a strategic marriage, that a few years down the road- not only I, but you, would be looking at him with longing gazing? Not to mention, wishing I could ravish my own husband because that’s something I do not do on a regular basis?”
Mal shakes his head, hard, “No. I- I shouldn’t feel so blindsided. I’ve always noticed his- well, you know.”
“His looks?” Alina asks, and Mal blushes and looks down.
“No, it’s not that. He is handsome, of course. But his charm. His sense of humor. I’ve always loved that about him, and I know I’m not alone. Everyone is drawn to him, even the most bitter Ravkans who have been left in the dark and bled dry by the war end up adoring him, once he speaks to them one-on-one. And I love that he genuinely cares about those people. I love that he knows what he has to do and makes peace with it but.. he has a good heart. One of the best. About as good as you,” Mal says. Alina blushes herself, not from the compliment, but just listening to Mal speak about her husband.
“I feel the same,” Alina says with a nod. “I never imagined being able to love someone other than you. I- the Darkling was… very different,” Alina bites her lip, and Mal looks at her. She doesn’t meet his gaze, not quite. “But. I realized, when we took that mission alone a few months ago, had some time to ourselves- and I was certainly happy for it, don’t get me wrong. But I missed Nikolai. And more than that, when we came back here, I was mildly pleased to be back in Os Alta itself, but- when I saw him, it… it felt like home. In the same way you’ve always felt like my only home. Now he does, too.”
Mal presses his lips together, holding back a soft smile. “We have to tell him, Alina.”
Alina bites her lip.
“I know- but, we made this mistake once. Both of us, with each other. We either squashed down or forced away our feelings, and all it got us was pain. I know it’s scary, but we’ve done it before. We’ll be okay.” Mal is assuring himself as much as her, but he sounds like he truly believes his words.
“Okay,” Alina says.
--
It isn’t easy, to tell you best friend you love him.
Alina knows that very well. She’s experienced it once before.
It should be easy, to tell your husband you love him, but Alina is in an arrangement that is anything but typical.
The first couple of times, they try to bring it up subtly. Nikolai laughs them off, like he does with most things, either being obtuse by accident or, perhaps, on purpose. They aren’t direct enough, so he can laugh them off, shift the conversation away from little flirtations or insinuations easily enough.
They both know they need to be more clear. Especially because Nikolai is nothing if not adept at evasion.
In the end, they corner him near the lake. They considered waiting until their next excursion into Ravkan communities, which will be in a few weeks, further into the Spring, but for now the lake will have to do.
“Nik,” Mal says. He’s sitting between the two them. Nobody else is around, it’s late afternoon.
“Hm?” He asks, running his fingers through the grass that has reappeared now that the snow has melted.
“We want to tell you something,” Alina says, looking to Mal, and then him.
“Ominous,” Nikolai says, a laugh to his voice, but they know he hates to have conversations start like this.
Mal licks his lips. Nikolai has a way with words that neither of them can rival, but Mal often knows just what to say. Still, there is no way he knows how to say this without just saying it, so he blurts, “We’re in love with you.”
Alina presses her lips together, and Nikolai laughs. Of course, he laughs.
“What?” Nikolai says, avoiding either of their gazes. “We’re in love with me?”
“Yes,” Mal says, and Alina nods.
“Both of us,” Alina adds, and Nikolai shakes his head and laughs again.
“What are you talking about?” he asks, brows furrowed together.
“What do you mean?” Mal asks, a scoff entering his voice. “How can I say that any more plainly- we are both in love with you.”
Nikolai rolls his eyes to the sky and presses his lips together. “Well. It simply makes no sense. It’s… impossible,” he says, slow and careful.
Without a beat, they both say, “Improbable,” and Nikolai laughs again, lighter.
“It’s not, by the way,” Alina argues, “impossible, or even improbable. We spend most of our days together, the three of us. We’ve been friends for years and only gotten closer over that time. We have our arguments and disagreements, but at this point, we almost never even stay mad. You’re our best friend, you’re- you’re home,” Alina says. Nikolai blinks, and finally looks over to her.
“Don’t say that,” he says, and Alina looks affronted. “I know what that means to you, to both of you. You are my best friends too, you know. You can’t say something like that,” he shakes his head.
“We can if we mean it,” Mal insists, placing a hand on Nikolai’s shoulder. “I love you. Alina loves you. You’re my home, as much as she is, and I know Alina feels the same, because she’s told me.”
Alina nods, and moves to in front of the two of them, creating a triangle instead of a little line. She takes one of Nikolai’s hand, and one of Mal’s. Mal places his free hand on Alina’s knee, and squeezes Nikolai’s shoulder.
“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same,” Alina says, “but please don’t say you disbelieve us. We’re telling the truth.”
“I.. I-” Nikolai looks shocked, to say the least.
“Never thought I’d see him this speechless,” Mal mutters, and Alina shoots him an exasperated little look.
“Mal, hush.”
“You might need to.. be patient with me, vis-à-vis the me believing you thing. It’s not that I don’t want to believe you, I do, it’s just-” Nikolai opens and shuts his mouth. He’s blushing, they each notice.
“It’s just….?” Mal says.
“I, I wouldn’t have thought this was possible. I, well, I’d hoped, I’d dreamed, for, for so long, that the two of you, or even one of you, might feel this way, might return my feelings but I- I dare not actually believe it could happen,” Nikolai shakes his head again, and Mal glances at Alina. She squeezes Nikolai’s hand.
“Wait.. what are you saying?” Alina asks, slowly, chewing on her lip.
“Oh, you heard me- are you going to make me say it again, really?” Nikolai asks, a hint of misery in his voice.
“Yes,” Mal says, and then he laughs. “In fact, my dear Prince, we are going to make you say it every day for the foreseeable future.”
“That’s king to you,” Nikolai mutters, and then laughs in his noses and looks at the ground. “I- yes, I love the both of you. I am in love with you both. I just- I never thought you would return those feelings. I thought it nearly impossible, and while I usually find the challenge of nearly impossible things quite invigorating, as you know-“
“We know.”
“-yes. Um. This particular improbability seemed… a little too daunting to want to face. Thus, I’m more than a bit shocked, so please do forgive me.”
“Of course,” Alina says. “We don’t- no action needs to be taken at this moment,” she says, and Mal snorts.
“You sound like you’re in a meeting to draft a strategic community plan,” Mal mutters. She glares. “But you’re right. We don’t need to- to dive into a new relationship configuration all at once, if you don’t want to. Hell, we can just… stay as we are if that’s what you really want, I mean- We don’t want to make you uncomfortable, Nik.”
“Are you- are you crazy? I just told you I loved you back! I don’t very well want to sit and twiddle our thumbs about it,” Nikolai says, with a scoff and then another laugh. Mal looks relieved, and Alina looks vaguely annoyed just for a moment.
“Well, what do you want to do, then?” Alina asks, in her patient voice that indicates her patience is dwindling, slowly as it may be.
Nikolai hums, and then he looks between the two of them. Then, he looks over his shoulder. “I think I’d like to kiss you both, if I’m being completely honest.”
Mal grins, slowly, and Alina takes a turn looking surprised, blush blooming on her cheeks. “I’d like that,” Mal says, and so he makes the first move.
Nikolai turns just in time for Mal to lean over, sliding his hand to Nikolai’s neck and kissing him. It’s not just a peck, but a lingering kiss, slow and sweet. Mal pulls back just slightly to tilt into it and Nikolai makes a soft noise in the back of his throat as Alina watches, gobsmacked, from the side.
She isn’t sure what she was expecting to feel, and she isn’t even sure what she does feel- it’s a mix of warmth, surprise, disbelief. Only the slightest touch of envy, not because she doesn’t want them to be kissing, just that she wants to be kissing them, too.
So after they’ve had their moment, she shifts, and Nikolai looks her way with an indescribable expression that she barely catches before she’s kissing him, too.
It’s not like the little pecks they give, the showmanship to say, “look, the King and Queen have the normal and expected relationship any married couple would have, we promise”. It’s warm, and slow, holding the passion of years of longing gazes on Nikolai’s part, and the depths of trust and affection Alina holds for him on her part.
It’s a nice kiss. It makes Alina want to do it again, and again.
When she looks back, Mal is watching them with a glint that is all too familiar to her. It makes her blush, even more hotly than she was before.
Nikolai perks a brow, and Alina is sure he can understand the look on Mal’s face. In an instant, he is wearing the same look.
“Now- do either of you feel like we should -what did you say- take things slow?” Nikolai asks, lifting a shoulder. “Because, of course, we can. Move at a snail’s pace, even. I’m happy to know you love me and we can, certainly, leave it at that I’m sure,” he promises. Alina punches him in the arm and he tilts his head back to laugh once more.
“You’re a dolt, as always,” Alina tells him. He clicks his tongue.
“The way you speak to your husband, woman, it’s a wonder he doesn’t have you locked up,” Nikolai tells her.
“You know very well there are no chains you can conceive of strong enough to hold me,” Alina promises with a lift of her chin. That elicits an entirely different version of the expression Nikolai had on his face, and that makes Alina blush hotly once more.
“I think, perhaps, whips and chains could wait. A day or two,” Mal observes, and Alina squeezes her nails into her fist with the sheer embarrassment of how casually he’d say such a thing, “but in general- just because I have the capacity to be a patient, long-suffering man doesn’t mean I intend to be one, nor do I revel in it. Of course… we do have a lot to talk about, though. What this means for us. Who we’re telling- if we’re telling. I’m sure Genya will have seen it coming from a mile away, but, y'know, aside from that.”
Nikolai hums. “Well, then. I suppose that’s settled,” he says, and then he moves to stand. “To the bedroom?” he asks, “to talk, of course. Privately. Sort out what this relationship will look like. Diplomatically, of course.”
“Right,” Mal deadpans, and he takes Nikolai’s hand to stand next to him. The two of them look at Alina, and Nikolai extends his other hand. “To the bedroom, just to talk, yes.”
Alina blushes, and takes Nikolai’s hand, standing with them. “Of course,” she agrees.
And so, the girl holds the hand of her husband, and her husband holds the hand of the boy- her lover.. their lover, now. She knows this, like everything else in her life, will be strange, and not at all easy at times. But it will be good, and it will be worth it.
The End