Chapter Text
“Why am I even here, I’m a weatherman, not a—Good afternoon, Amity Park! This is Lance Thunder bringing you Live to what looks like a ghostly tug-a-war with our own town hero, Danny Phantom, as both the rope and opposition. Is there anything you would like to add, Mr. Phantom?”
“Dude, you seriously need to quit your job,” Danny Phantom muttered into the mic that was thrust in his face. He glared at it until Lance moved it away.
The scene playing out was…interesting, if nothing else. Danny Phantom, protector of Amity Park, enemy of ghosts, and savior of tree-climbing kittens, was hugging a tree as if his afterlife depended on it. His face was set in a mixture of determination, fear, and defiance. But even Amity’s greatest hero hugging a tree wasn’t as startling as the full picture.
“I know! I—”
“Stay on topic, Lance!” a woman’s voice warned from his earpiece.
Lance coughed. “Ahem, yes. Do you mind explaining why these ghosts are…trying to pull you away from a tree, Mr. Phantom?”
Danny looked over his shoulder and scowled. Fifteen or so ghosts were behind him, currently taking a break as they tried to come up with new ideas on how to capture the halfa. Three ghosts, Ember, Youngblood, and Skulker, had a strong grip on his tail—going with legs was a bad idea, since these were his enemies; they found the thought of him unwillingly doing the splits hilarious. They held onto him even as the others relaxed, ensuring Danny couldn’t make a quick getaway.
A little while ago, the ghosts had all held onto each other as they pulled on Danny’s tail for all their collective strength was worth, not really making Danny release his grip, but the tree looked like it wasn’t too happy with the treatment. Its trunk was bending, and it looked like its roots were starting to rise out of the ground. It was a bad day to be a certain oak tree…
All in all, it did indeed look like a tug-a-war; one Danny was determined to win.
“Because they won’t take ‘hell no’ for an answer,” he told Lance through clenched teeth.
“Just give it up, Whelp,” Skulker growled, once again yanking on Danny’s tail. “You’re going even if I have to sedate you!”
“Ha!” Danny shouted back at him. “Yeah, right! You need me awake for the next few hours!”
“Ugh, just paralyze him already, you metal head,” Kitty hissed impatiently from her place behind Ember.
Skulker grimaced. “I…can’t…”
Ember narrowed her eyes. “What was that?”
“He, uh…he built up a tolerance against them…”
“WHAT?” the ghosts hollered.
Skulker cringed.
Danny threw him a triumphant smirk over his shoulder. In response, Skulker gave his tail a strong pull, putting his whole body into it. Danny let out a surprised yelp and almost lost his grip on the tree. The other ghosts were too busy moaning to notice, and Danny wiggled his tail in their grasp until he managed to fit his arms fully around the tree again.
“You idiot!” Ember removed one arm from Danny to whack her boyfriend on the helmet. “How could you have paralyzed him so many times that he became immune and yet you still haven’t captured him?”
The metal suit seemed to pout before Skulker growled, “He keeps getting help from his meddlesome allies.”
“Oh, and what? The great hunter can’t handle a few human children?”
Skulker was about to retort—bad choice—but Danny spoke up before he could, “I seem to recall you losing to just one of them before, Ember.”
She switched her glare to Danny. “She had help.”
Danny rolled his eyes. “Uh-huh…”
“Enough bickering!” Johnny yelled from the back. “He has to let go some time! On the count of three, we all pull. One, two, three, PULL!”
“Gah!” Danny yelped and hugged the tree with all his might, cracking the bark more. The tree seemed to sway from the pressure, threatening to fall. The ghosts stopped pulling as a unit and warily eyed the tree. “I’m not going!” Danny yelled. “Give up!”
“Oh, yes you are, dipstick,” Ember said menacingly. “We did not spend two hours trying to capture your butt just so you could slip through our fingers in the end.”
“Gee, Ember,” Danny said in mock pity. “Two whole hours and all you’ve managed to do is corner me against a tree. And it takes me, what? One hour to capture you all in the Fenton Thermos? That’s bad. That’s really bad.”
“PULL!” she shouted.
Danny squeaked and clung tighter to the tree, digging what little nails he had into the tree’s remaining bark. Sam’s going to kill me for this, he thought as the tree groaned.
“Are you getting all this?” Lance whispered to Controls, holding the earpiece closer to his ear.
The woman on the other end cackled. “Loud and clear, Lance. The audience is loving it!”
“When did he get to be so strong, anyway?” Johnny demanded, exasperated. “Wasn’t he, like, a geek before?”
“It was kind of inevitable, Johnny,” Danny replied, rolling his eyes as he caught his breath. “You brought it on yourselves, too.”
“Just let go of the stupid tree, twerp,” he growled.
“No. Never.”
“Please release the tree, Sir Phantom,” Princess Dora called. “Plasmius has agreed to attend; you must as well.”
“He’s going? That’s more reason not to go!”
There was a collective groan from the assembled ghosts.
“Come on, kid!” Johnny complained. “Just give up!”
“I’m not going anywhere that crazed-up frootloop is,” Danny growled.
“You share the same territory with him, ghost child,” Skulker pointed out.
“Yeah, but not willingly!”
“You’re being even brattier than me, Phantom,” Youngblood said with a little laugh.
Danny stuck his tongue out at him. “Like I care. I’m not going.”
“Fine,” Ember said. “If he wants to act like a child, we’ll treat him like one. Somebody! Tickle him!”
Danny’s eyes widened.
“Are they seriously…?” Lance’s boss asked, suppressed mirth in her voice.
Four ghosts flew over and immediately made the hero start cracking up.
“I can’t believe he’s ticklish,” Lance whispered, his eyebrows raised as Danny writhed and squealed with laughter.
After about a minute had passed, the ghosts stopped. “It’s no good, Ember,” Pointdexter, one of the ghosts, said. “He won’t relinquish his hold.”
Danny, gasping for air, managed to say, “Of course it didn’t work. I have an older sister, remember? You’re not the first to try that!”
“He has a sister?” Lance asked—along with all of those watching the live feed in Amity Park.
“This is getting tiresome!” Technus levitated above all the ghosts and shouted, “I, Technus, Master of all Technology, shall shock him until he is paralyzed and crispy!” He somehow managed to get some wires to appear out of the ground next to Danny. Said boy went cross-eyed as they came closer.
“You idiot!” nearly all the ghosts shouted. A few ecto-blasts were hurled at Technus, and he yelped before dodging them, his summoned wires falling to the ground again. “We want him paralyzed, not barbequed!”
“Yes, and we need him to look his best,” Kitty said, looking critically at Danny. “He won’t be with his hair standing every which way.”
Danny huffed, blowing his hair out of his eyes. He started to rub his head against the bark of the tree, effectively messing his hair up and covering it in fractured bark.
“Stop that!” many female voices cried. The ghosts pulled on his tail again, forcing him to stop.
He laughed until they gave him another tug. “I’m not going, so what does it matter?”
“You are going!” the ghosts yelled, pulling as a unit again.
“Gah! Lemme go already!” he cried, squirming against Skulker’s, Ember’s, and Youngblood’s hold.
“No! You let go!” the ghosts shouted back.
“No!”
“Yes!”
“NO!”
“YES!”
“NO! I am staying right here!” Danny yelled.
There was grumbling from the ghosts as they allowed themselves another short break.
“What is so bad about going anyway?” Dora asked. Her eyes gained a dreamy cast to them and she sighed. “There will be dancing…”
“One, Plasmius is going. Two, I don’t even like them…well, at least, not him, anyway. She’s okay…somewhat. Three, Plasmius will be there. Four, I have other things to do.”
“Oh yeah?” Johnny demanded. “Like what? You don’t have a girlfriend, your friends are out of town, and we’re not going to even be here to fight against. What could there possibly be for you to do?”
Danny flashed him a wide smile. “That’s exactly it! I get the whole day to myself. That hasn’t happened since…well since the day after Pariah invaded. No, wait…yeah. That’s about it.”
Ember rolled her eyes. “We haven’t attacked you for two years straight.”
“Oh yeah? My friend kept a schedule of it…don’t know why…but he did. If you want proof, just go ask him.”
“Alright, everyone!” Youngblood yelled. “Ready? Heave!” The ghosts pulled back. “Hoe!” The ghosts took a break. “Heave!” They pulled.
“Hey! I’m not a ship, Young-Butt!” Danny cried, squirming again.
“Heave! Hoe! Heave! Hoe!”
“Stop it!”
“Urgh! This isn’t getting us anywhere,” Ember proclaimed. She let go of Danny’s tail and crossed her arms.
Danny started struggling with renewed vigor now that only Skulker and Youngblood held him.
“Ember!” Skulker shouted, grunting.
“EMBER!” the ghosts who had been holding onto Danny through her cried.
She sighed and latched onto his tail again. Danny groaned and hit his head against the tree.
“Where are ghost hunters when you need them?” he grumbled.
“Well, the adults are at a convention, and the girl is on vacation—”
“I know that, Youngblood,” Danny interrupted. “It was a rhetorical question.”
“Oh.”
“Look, guys.” Danny looked over his shoulder at the assembled ghosts. “I won’t go willingly. This is a test of will, and we all know I have more willpower than all of you.” They grumbled a bit but they didn’t deny it. “Even if you somehow made me let go of the tree, you still wouldn’t be able to get me there on time since I would struggle the whole way.” Most nodded in wary acceptance while others—Skulker—grinned eagerly. “So, you should all just give up. Get going before you’re late.”
The ghosts shifted and looked at each other questioningly. Danny smiled, seeing his plan working.
Until…
“Hurry!” Lance’s boss hissed. “Ask them what was so important before they leave!”
“Excuse me, Mr. Phantom,” Lance said, bringing the mic back to Danny’s face. Danny’s eyes widened. “But where do they want you to go?”
Before Danny could answer, Skulker let go of Danny’s tail and started ‘cracking’ his metal knuckles. Danny frowned at him, then felt all the other ghosts suddenly let go of him too. He released the tree and traded his legs back, landing softly on the ground. If they had let go a few seconds earlier, Danny would have been out of there before they could shout “whelp,” but now they had…evil looks on their faces.
So, Danny stayed.
“We tried doing things nicely, Ghost Child, going against our nature,” Skulker said slowly as he adjusted something on his wrist. “But I see that’s not going to work.” He glanced at Danny from the corner of his eye and smiled wickedly. “We’re ghosts. We should act like the no-good spirits we are.” His glowing green blade shot out of his wrist. Danny instinctively dropped into a fighting stance. “You’re a hero. Act like it.”
He heard a yelp from his right and whipped around to see Lance held at dagger point by one of Youngblood’s henchman. Danny stared wide-eyed at Lance and then swept his gaze over the ghosts that were encircling them. The cameraman had managed to run away, leaving Lance Thunder behind, but if Danny tried to save Lance, another ghost could easily catch the fleeing cameraman. For that matter, there was a whole city full of humans the ghosts could use against Danny if it came to that. They had Danny outnumbered. As strong as he was, he couldn’t be everywhere at once.
But they didn’t need a whole city. One human was enough, and they already had Lance Thunder. Danny stared into the older man’s frightened eyes and slowly allowed his shoulders to slump in defeat.
“We shoulda thought of this much sooner!” Youngblood crowed in triumph.
Danny shook his head and glared around at the ghosts. “That’s so low. You cheated!”
“Oh, please,” Ember said, rolling her eyes. “You’re just being a sore loser.”
“Now, hold out your wrist,” Skulker ordered, pulling a glowing pair of green cuffs out of his suit.
Danny’s eyes narrowed, and he crossed his arms. “I am not being cuffed to you, Skulker. I may be clueless at times, but I’m not stupid.”
“Very well then.” Skulker gestured at Youngblood. Youngblood nodded at his henchman, and the pirate pushed Lance into Skulker’s arms. Skulker clamped one end of the cuff to Lance’s wrist and motioned for Danny to hold out his own.
Danny bit his lip and glanced warily at Lance. The adult was trembling uncontrollably. He didn’t look any happier about being shackled to Danny than Danny himself.
Danny switched his gaze to Skulker and narrowed his eyes. “You better take these cuffs off once we get there.”
Skulker waved his hand nonchalantly. “Of course, of course.”
Danny hesitated a moment longer before he sighed and held out his wrist. Skulker snapped the cuff on, the sound a resounding click not unlike Danny’s personal death toll. The gathered ghosts let out loud whoops and started cheering and shouting.
“FINALLY!”
“We caught him!”
“Who’s the hunters now, huh, kid?”
“We should do this again some time!”
Danny rolled his eyes and rubbed around the cuff. They had only won because he didn’t have Sam and Tucker there to back him up.
“Lance? Lance? What’s happening?” his boss called through Lance’s earpiece.
“Can’t you see?” Lance squeaked.
“No. Our cameraman dropped the camera and ran off. It’s only capturing your feet.”
“Oh. Well.” He stared apprehensively at the ghosts cheering around him. “I’m about to get dragged to wherever these ghosts are going.”
“What? Really? That’s great!”
Lance choked. “Great? This is terrible!”
“Pick up the camera, quick, before they fly you away!”
“Excuse--what?”
“I’ll give you a raise. And a bonus! A big one.”
Lance snatched the camera off the ground and pointed it two inches from Danny’s face. Danny squeaked and pushed it away. “So where are we going, Mr. Phantom?” Lance asked with false cheer.
“You’re not seriously agreeing to this, are you? And it’s Danny.”
“It’s my job, Mr. Phantom,” Lance replied, his voice still overly high and cheerful.
Danny blinked. “Right…”
“So where are we going?”
Danny sighed. “We’re going to a wedding, Mr. Thunder. The Box Ghost and the Lunch Lady are about to be bound in holy matrimony…or as close to holy as ghosts get. Specifically? We’re going into the Ghost Zone.” He cocked his head to the side. “Most likely somewhere near Pariah Dark’s castle.”
“Oh! This is fantastic!” the boss’s annoying voice crowed in Lance’s ear. “I’m switching this over to another station so we can continue broadcasting!”
Lance stared at the ghost teen who was rubbing the back of his neck and smiling apologetically up at him.
I need a new job, he thought despairingly.