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It’s crazy how much words and rumors can get to him. After spending all his life in this industry, you’d think Taeyong would learn something. But he doesn’t. Taeyong still feels entirely too much and not enough. His friends say he’s always been sappy. Doyoung likes to call him a romantic, Johnny calls him dramatic.
He doesn’t disagree with them both, but none of their teasing could ever prepare them or Taeyong for Baekhyun, and what he does to Taeyong’s emotions.
He’s going, is the issue. He’s not exactly going, is also the issue.
Taeyong is caught in a limbo of fuck, I’m not going to see him for fucking ever and right, I have a key to this place.
It messes with his head, nevertheless. And takes his attention away from more pressing matters (like his band’s schedules that need approving, and Mark and his’ new single). He couldn’t stop staring, is the problem, thinking that he won’t get to see Baekhyun’s droopy eyes for two years.
He gives up all pretense of work eventually, and just settles on sitting on Baekhyun’s bed, blatantly staring at Baekhyun scrolling on his phone in front of him.
“If you want something,” Baekhyun quips, but not making any effort to address Taeyong properly, “say it.”
Taeyong shakes his head. “No, I’m good, thank you.”
Taeyong has spent time like this, observing every single detail on Baekhyun’s face, noting every single mole, and pockmark. Has followed the constellation of them with his mouth. Baekhyun has let him, and will let him again. He’s lenient with Taeyong’s more odd tendencies, and seems endeared with his peculiar ways of showing affection.
But Taeyong wants Baekhyun’s attention, now. Wants him to settle the gnawing restlessness inside him. Taeyong doesn’t know where to start that doesn’t make him look ridiculous. He knows every single detail of Baekhyun’s enlistment, knows the time, what car he will be going in, who will be coming with him. To be afraid of him going seems ridiculous, and ridiculously timid.
“O-kay, something’s up,” Baekhyun comments, setting his phone aside and sitting up properly. He mirrors Taeyong’s folded legs, scooting forward until their knees touch. The blankets bunch up around his waist. Baekhyun’s hair is messy, the backs of it sticking up adorably. Taeyong’s fingers itch to comb through them.
“What’s up, Taeyongie.”
“Nothing,” Taeyong lies smoothly. “Can’t I just look at you?”
Baekhyun grins, square and easy, and Taeyong’s chest sort of aches just looking at him.
“Hyung,” Taeyong murmurs, raises his hand up to touch Baekhyun’s face. The pads of his fingers traverse the softness of Baekhyun’s cheek, down the angle of his jaw.
Baekhyun’s smile doesn’t wane, doesn’t faze. If anything, it widens, drowns his eyes in little crescents of happiness. His nose scrunches cutely. Taeyong thinks he could live in this smile forever.
“Yeah?”
“Will you miss me?”
Baekhyun raises an eyebrow, and wraps Taeyong’s hand in his own, leaning into their combined touch. It’s like being enveloped in a hug. The warmth. The familiarity. Baekhyun’s smile has been colored with amusement, the corner of his lips tugging up in an almost-smirk. The one that he only ever wears if he thinks Taeyong is being insufferably young.
“You’re being dramatic,” Baekhyun says. “I’ll be gone what, three weeks?”
“Oh,” Taeyong flushes, and feels the heat creep down his neck. He makes to pull his hand back but Baekhyun’s grip on it is tight. The amusement has evolved into full-blown satisfaction. It’s so unbearably flustering, and so unbearably hot.
“Hyung,” Taeyong whines--or means to. It comes out more breathless than he intended. Higher.
“I’m just kidding, love.” Baekhyun tangles their fingers together, slips his pretty ones between Taeyong’s, and brings their hands between them. Taeyong looks at it, at the contrast between his bony digits and Baekhyun’s lean, pointed ones. “Of course I’ll miss you.”
“Oh.” Is the only thing Taeyong could say. “I’ll miss you, too.”
Baekhyun chuckles. “I don’t doubt it,” he says. “Don’t miss me too much, yeah?”
“Hyung.”
Baekhyun laughs, loud and happy. And all of Taeyong’s apprehension liquefies out of him. Baekhyun has that effect on him, somehow. The ability to block out all of his insecurities, makes his head soundproof to his own thoughts.
Taeyong learns somehow, that if Baekhyun says it’ll be alright, then it’ll be alright.
“C’mere,” Baekhyun tugs him forward, and Taeyong has no choice but to comply.
One of Baekhyun’s hands rests warmly on his knee while the other one goes to Taeyong’s shoulder. Taeyong closes his eyes, and soft lips meet his. They kiss, soft and slow. The room goes quiet, save for the wet sounds of them kissing, and Baekhyun’s stuttered breath exhaled into the scant space between them. Taeyong hears nothing but the loud air conditioner, and the rustle of their own clothes.
When they part eventually, Taeyong feels dazed, hypnotized by Baekhyun’s gentle smile and the rhythmic movement of his hand stroking Taeyong’s knee.
Staring into each other’s eyes is so cliche, but then again Taeyong likes cliche and romantic. Baekhyun has kissed all of his embarrassment out of him. Taeyong has no problem staring at him all night, but Baekhyun breaks their comfortable silence with a nod.
“Feel better?”
Taeyong blinks. “Yeah.”
“Good,” Baekhyun tilts his head. Like a puppy, Taeyong thinks. “Sleep now?”
“Oh, I don’t think--”
“Sleep now,” Baekhyun insists, climbing off the bed and shuffling his way to the light switch. The room plunges into darkness almost immediately. Taeyong sighs, he has no choice but to lie down, pulling his blanket up to his chin. He didn’t use to sleep like this, before. Baekhyun and his blanket-rolling habits have gotten to him. Taeyong can’t sleep without a thick, fluffy comforter nowadays. It just doesn’t feel right.
Baekhyun sneaks into bed next to him, sighing loudly once he’s all cuddled up. He half-yells quietly into his pillow. Taeyong has learned over time that it means he’s comfortable.
“I’m still driving you tomorrow,” Baekhyun says, “don’t forget.”
“Mmhm.”
Baekhyun yawns, and buries it in the comforter. He smiles sleepily at Taeyong. “Good night, love,” he whispers.
“Good night, hyung.”
Taeyong closes his eyes, just long enough until Baekhyun’s breathing evens out, until the long exhale matches the inhale, and then he pries his eyes open, just to look at Baekhyun. He’s so different when he sleeps, not peaceful but blank. Baekhyun in his sleep seems tired, like an empty battery charging. His usual face has so many expressions, that it’s kind of eerie to see him sleeping. Taeyong likes it nevertheless (who is he kidding? He likes all of Baekhyun’s faces), just for the way he can see Baekhyun’s eyelashes better like this, or the slackness in his mouth that doesn’t exist during daytime.
Taeyong scoots closer, just because he can, just because he has the privilege to. He shimmies down until he’s leaning his head against Baekhyun’s shoulder. He likes it close, like this. Where he can smell the comforting scent of Baekhyun’s laundry detergent and leech off his body warmth.
Taeyong closes his eyes, and falls asleep to the sounds of Baekhyun’s breathing.
-
In the morning, Taeyong has to wake Baekhyun up, but that’s on par for the course for the both of them. Baekhyun packs Taeyong’s coffee for him, and shoves one of his Burberry hoodies into Taeyong’s arms right after Taeyong’s done with showering.
Taeyong holds it in front of him, perplexed. “Hyung?”
“It’s cold today,” Baekhyun says, smiling, easy. “Wear this so you don’t get sick.”
“Okay?”
Baekhyun pats his cheek goodnaturedly, lets his hand drift down to linger on Taeyong's bare shoulder, before sauntering off to grab his keys and wallet.
Taeyong, even confused, pulls it on over his shirt. It’s warm, and it smells like Baekhyun’s perfume. Taeyong has no complaints.
-
“Hey, Taeyongie,” Baekhyun calls out from inside his car.
Taeyong ducks his head, rests his fist on the roof of Baekhyun’s car so he can look inside the lowered passenger window. “Yeah?”
“If you come home today, and I’m already bald,” Baekhyun drawls, “don’t dump me okay?”
Taeyong’s jaw drops open, mortified. “Hyung!”
Baekhyun snorts. “Just messing with you. Have a good day, love.”
“Yeah,” Taeyong’s face warms. “You too.”
-
“Is that new?”
Taeyong pinches the fabric of the hoodie between his fingers, and shakes his head. “No, this is Baekhyun-hyung’s.”
“Aw, that’s so sweet,” Donghyuck coos.
“Sickening,” Doyoung yells from across the room.
“What,” Taeyong narrows his eyes at Jaehyun. “Why is it sweet?”
Jaehyun makes a face. “I don’t know, wearing your boyfriend’s hoodie is kinda sweet, I guess?”
“Possessive,” Doyoung quips, passing by just so he can comment.
“No it’s not,” Mark adds, sending a withering stare Doyoung’s way. “He probably gave it to you because you like it.”
“Oh.” Does he? Taeyong has never seen that hoodie before in his life. What Taeyong likes is--
What Taeyong likes is Baekhyun’s scent and his warmth and--
The implication of it gets Taeyong immediately, and Taeyong flushes.
Taeyong barely escapes the raucous noise of his bandmates, having to actually hide inside a bathroom before he could call Baekhyun.
Baekhyun picks up on the first ring.
“Ello?”
“Am I that transparent?” Taeyong blurts out.
“No,” Baekhyun says slowly, “you’re pretty opaque, I’d say.”
“Hyung.”
Baekhyun chuckles, a handsome sounding heheh that resonates deeply with the butterflies in Taeyong’s tummy.
“I just knew you had something in your mind, is all.”
Taeyong sighs, closes his eyes. “Well, thank you,” he says, “I guess.”
Baekhyun hums, and lets a little bit of silence hang between them. Taeyong doesn’t know what he needs to say.
“Taeyong-ah, ” Baekhyun says.
“Yeah?”
“Don’t worry about me too much, yeah? I’ll be gone for three weeks, and then I’ll come back, and then I’ll be home every day.”
Taeyong swallows, Baekhyun knows him too well. “Yeah.”
“I’ll be fine. We can meet every other weekend.”
“Yeah.”
“I can come and watch you practice, and come with you to the studio after I’m done with work,” Baekhyun goes on, “in fact, I think it’s your schedule that’s gonna need clearing up so we can meet, not mine.”
Taeyong chuckles breathlessly. “Yeah.”
“It’s going to be fine, Taeyongie.”
Taeyong closes his eyes, hums distractedly.
“I’m gonna call you every day because I won’t have enough to do, and whine every day because you get to perform and I don’t.”
“Okay.”
“You gonna let me?”
“Well,” Taeyong pauses, “with the right price.”
“Of?”
“Kisses,” Taeyong offers, “hugs, and hoodies.”
“You drive a hard bargain, Lee.”
“You gonna take it or not, Byun?”
“Of course!” Baekhyun says, dramatic and over the top and so very Baekhyun that Taeyong wants to kiss him right there and then. “Who do you take me for?”
Taeyong giggles, so loudly that he’s afraid someone might hear it. He puts his hand over his mouth but nothing helps. Taeyong laughs uncontrollably, feels giddy and silly and good.
Baekhyun waits until Taeyong’s laughter peters out before he speaks again, voice gentle, soothing after Taeyong’s braying laugh.
“Feel better?” He asks, like he doesn’t know his effect on Taeyong.
“Yeah,” Taeyong says, “much better. Thank you, hyung.”
“Of course, love.”
Taeyong hums. “Dinner later? My treat.”
“Sure,” Baekhyun replies, “I’ll pick you up.”
“Okay.” Taeyong fiddles with the hem of his hoodie, suddenly nervous. “Hyung. Um. I love you.”
There’s always a moment when Taeyong says this, where Baekhyun goes quiet, where his face goes blank and then his emotions come one by one, so clear it’s like looking through a looking glass, right into Baekhyun’s head. First comes the disbelief, the staring at Taeyong like he can’t believe Taeyong is real and he speaks . Then the elation, the upward tick of his mouth and the glint in his eyes. Then comes the pure, absolute happiness , where he would squish Taeyong in his arms and mumble an I love you, right into Taeyong’s ear.
Taeyong wishes he could see Baekhyun right now, wishes he could see those changes pass over Baekhyun’s expression. But he can’t, so he listens for the sudden sharp inhale, the few seconds where Baekhyun composes himself and he mumbles, very softly, into the receiver.
“I love you. Um,” he says. “I love you.”
Taeyong grins. “Okay,” he replies. “I’ll see you later, hyung.”
“See you.”
Taeyong hangs up first, knows his godawful members will barge into this bathroom if he doesn’t make an appearance soon. He whistles all the way back to the practice room, letting everyone see how happy he is. Doyoung will glare at him, and Johnny will undoubtedly make horrible innuendos until Mark begs for him to stop.
Taeyong grins. He doesn’t care much. Let all the teasing commence. After all, Baekhyun isn’t going anywhere, and that’s all that matters to him.
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