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The Universe boiled as it all came to be. It was the Sun first, and later everything else. And as the world and its parts were conceived, freedom was a privilege only a few could afford.
“I have wings, but I can’t fly,” the Air sighed, he had been expecting in silence for too long. He had been begging the gods to set him free for he couldn’t wait anymore. It was all a warm storm.
“If you wait for a little longer, you will see all the things I’ve seen. And Kai, I swear to you, it’ll be worth it,” the Sun said as he placed his hand over the Air’s shoulder, right above the start of his swan-like wings.
“Says you who hates waiting, hyung.”
“Trust me this once,” the Sun reassured, and the golden halo over his head shone brighter. The shine wasn’t something Yeonjun could control, but Kai thought about it. The halos on all the shining deities were bright only when they felt like it too. Emotions weren’t to hide for them. How was it possible for someone to never be free even in their own body?
Kai simply nodded.
So the Air waited until chaos existed no more. Just then, he flew around exploring, flapping his wings as his laughter merged with the wind. It was him out of all the deities, the most playful, the most graceful, and the most kindhearted being around. The Air helped the little birds to fly, the new emerged plants to stand tall, and a few ships to sail into the wild.
•
“Flying around again?” the Ocean asked, his hair platinum white like foam, and his voice deep like himself. The Ocean had hands that were so soft, and eyes that shined so kind when he fixed the Air’s tousled golden waves. “Let me fix your hair, Kai-yah.”
Kai met the Ocean even before he met himself. He saw Beomgyu being created out of nothingness, and growing to become a being full of life. And of course, Kai’s heart grew fond too.
“It is fun! Wanna fly with me? I’ll take you anywhere you want,” the Air extended his hand open, much like his wings ready to take off, but the Ocean laughed a little, looking away.
“What would it be of you if you were afraid of heights? I wouldn’t want to imagine,” Beomgyu said as he sat on the sand. It was there where they often met, because the Ocean felt down when he was far from the waters.
“What would it be of you if you were afraid of drowning?” Kai giggled. “It would never happen, there wouldn’t be any point if we were afraid of being where we love, right? So don’t say nonsense, hyung.”
The Ocean smirked, and rolled his eyes a little. “At least you didn’t come to mock me today.”
“But tomorrow I might as well,” Kai sat beside him and rested his chin over his hand. Beomgyu laughed. It sounded like music.
“Why is it Kai, that you come every day to make me laugh?”
The Air thought about it for a short while, placing his finger over his lips and looking to the side. Right after, he replied with a mellow voice, “The Air feels happy when you are happy.” Kai smiled, “Are you happy, hyung?”
“Always. Because of you,” Beomgyu looked at him with eyes so warm the Air felt that if he was water, he’d turn to mist.
“Good, because you have no other friends!” Kai joked and flew away avoiding a smack.
“That’s not true! I’m pretty friendly! The animals love me, and the stars talk to me, and they blink and giggle at night because of me!” Everybody loves you, Kai wanted to say. I love you.
Kai wanted to say many things, because the universe couldn’t stop talking about the Ocean and the magnificent things he had done, and the water and the earth and the sunlight making it all look beautifully green.
It was a bit of a nuance to fly around and only hear his name. Beomgyu, Beomgyu, Beomgyu who makes everything look alive. Beomgyu who is the start and the end, Beomgyu who surrounds the Earth.
“Not sure why the stars giggle, when you are not even funny!” Kai covered his mouth instantly as Beomgyu’s brows knitted and his lips pursed into a pout. He looked funny, but cute.
“Yah, Huening-ah!” Beomgyu giggled despite Kai’s words. They joked like that every so often, and Kai was glad to make the Ocean laugh.
The Ocean was, indeed, a bit lonely sometimes. Even when everyone knew his name, he couldn’t meet them all. So he often turned to Kai, who knew even the smallest dust particle of the world. “How are the other deities?” Beomgyu asked, his feet in the water, his head low.
“Maybe you should talk to them,” Kai would say while sitting on the air, his wings kept him floating. “Who do you want to meet? I’ll bring them to you, hyung. I’ll bring anything to you.”
“There is no one I want to meet yet. I’m just curious,” the Ocean looked at the horizon, peach-hued light showered their bodies. And Kai couldn’t help but wonder what thoughts wandered Beomgyu’s mind.
“Sometimes it feels like you hide what you really think from me.”
“Sure! You shouldn’t know everything about me yet, should you?” Beomgyu smirked.
“Well, I have enough time to know you.”
Beomgyu looked down again, he mumbled, “I hope we have enough time.”
“If not, let’s make it, alright?”
Beomgyu nodded.
And they laughed until the Sun stopped shining on them. The night was quiet. But the Air’s heart was loud, like wind. A race against light he would never be able to win.
“Is it too hard?” Taehyun asked, the small red halo of light over his head flickered, “loving him in silence, I mean.”
The morning was calm, little birds were flying around. This was a place the Ocean liked, Kai knew. A place that didn’t lack the green grass nor the sand. Kai waited for Beomgyu there.
“I like it. He shouldn’t know, not now at least,” Kai replied, his eyes were stuck on the ocean. The water was tranquil, so Beomgyu must’ve been sleeping. “What are you doing here? You rarely walk down.”
“Yeonjun-hyung was talking a lot about the gardens and the waters, and the millions of colors. He said it looked prettier than at home, where everything is dark,” Taehyun giggled and sighed right after, his halo shining brighter. “He was right.”
The view was beautiful, a clear blue sky, fresh wind, warm ground, and at the horizon, the ocean of the most beautiful shade of blue Kai had ever seen.
Kai sighed in relief, that moment was everything he could ever ask for. The sight of a beautiful ocean, made him happy like that. Kai turned to look at his friend of golden skin and bright red hair, the halo over his head shimmered brightly. Taehyun was happy.
“Yet everyone here loves looking at the stars...” Kai said.
“Everyone loves what they can’t have,” Taehyun turned to look at his friend with a smile. “He talks about you. You make him happy,” The Air looked back surprised, eyes dazzling. “Yeonjun-hyung always says that our lives are so long yet so short, so we should never wait for love, or pain, or happiness and despair. So you better tell Beomgyu-hyung how you feel.”
Kai blushed a little, “you love Yeonjun-hyung that much, huh? Both of you being together makes sense.”
“He’s silly,” Taehyun said, without commenting on how Kai ignored his previous words. For that, Kai was grateful.
Kai had tried confessing once, but looking from afar felt enough and safe. He had been doing that for quite a long time.
Kai brought to the Ocean gifts he saw the humans give; a bracelet platinum like the Ocean’s hair, with a little hanging aquamarine stone, like the Ocean’s long silk robe. Flowers bright like the Ocean’s smile. For the Air, giving was the best he had done for a while.
•
“How can someone love in silence, hyung?” The Air asked, sitting on the grass. He had been thinking about it for quite some time after his talk with the red Star.
The Sun huffed, “In silence? Is that even possible?” he twirled on his heels to sit.
Though Kai had millions of deities he could ask, and the Sun, as loud as he was, probably not the best one. Yeonjun provided such inherent warmth that it felt impossible not to walk to him in times of need.
“Isn’t that the way you love Taehyun, hyung?”
“Do I love Taehyun?” Yeonjun’s eyes looked down, contemplating, and his face turned to the side. He looked confused for a while.
“You don’t?” For half the Universe, it was obvious he did.
“Yah, you always come here saying things you think you know...” Yeonjun lifted his voice just a little, the fierce look in his eyes was now perfectly noticeable. “Of course I don’t!”
“Then, hyung, how do I know if I am—in love?”
“Don’t you go around watching humans? Has none of them given you an answer?”
“But they do weird things. They give each other dead flowers and talk too much. They say too many things that never turn out to be true. I’m never sure how they knew they were in love, I’m never sure if they really were in love. And I don’t think they know either.”
“You don’t have to be sure,” the Moon meddled in. The silver halo over his head shone with intensity. “Love isn’t something to be questioned. Love isn’t something you understand by watching others, but by feeling it. Why? Are you in love, Kai?”
“No,” Kai replied defensive. But toned it down quickly. “I don’t know.”
“Then you probably are!” The Moon laughed. “Though our existence is longer than most, that doesn’t mean we have time to waste.”
“Lovers confess under the Moon, and suddenly you are an expert,” Yeonjun rolled his eyes, his arms covered in golden bracelets were placed over his chest.
“Lovers confess under the Sun but you never listen, hyung,” Soobin smirked, and Yeonjun looked away.
“Are you in love, hyung?” Kai asked. Curiosity invaded his body. The Moon’s halo shone pink for a bit.
“I don’t think I could call it love just yet, but if I can meet him, just for a while… I know I would fall,” Soobin replied, and knitted his brows. “I want to fall,” he corrected himself.
“Why would you want to fall in love?” Kai asked.
“Because I rather be hurt by love, than by loneliness or regret,” Soobin replied with a smile.
And it wasn’t complicated. Everything Kai had to do was to fly to the Ocean and tell him that he was the most beautiful deity Kai had ever met. That the stars twinkled in the night sky thanks to him, that life was possible because he existed, that the world was better just because he surrounded it.
But Kai never spoke.
The Air watched from afar, to a small Moon and a vast Ocean fall in love. It was meant to be. They were meant to be, and it hurt.
Yet as much as love was meant to grow, it wasn’t always meant to last. Not for them.
The gods came for the Sun and his Star first. And for the Moon and his Ocean later.
It infuriated Kai's heart to watch his friends being tore apart. He didn't noticed his wings swimming in the air, slicing through space, starting to create twirlwinds out of rage.
“Our Hueningie won’t want to lose his freedom, will he?” the god said, and in his eyes shone a daring spark that diminished the Air’s might. “Wasn’t it everything you’ve ever longed for? Tell me I’m wrong, tell me you didn’t beg for it.”
The Air lowered his head faintly.
“Are you going to lose your freedom over someone who doesn’t love you back?” the god started walking leisurely toward him, like floating, and with a gentle touch held up his chin, “is unrequited love worth losing it all for?”
The Air lifted his eyes to meet the god’s. It was light all around but eyes darker than the universe, “how did you know?” Kai asked.
“How can I not know my children? When you are everything I have.”
Hypocrites.
“And you would still take what I love away from me?” Kai shook his head and looked around to meet the faces of all the other deities present, each of them looked down, afraid. “And all of you will stay quiet, like there isn’t something wrong?”
“Kai,” a weak voice said. Soobin kneeled down, his arms behind his back held by light chains. His light was dim. “Leave it.”
“No, no! Beomgyu-hyung doesn’t deserve that! You don’t understand what he’s done for me! You don’t understand how much I would give for him. Take my wings, I don’t need them! If Beomgyu-hyung won’t be free, and if we can’t meet, and if he can’t meet the one he loves, then I don’t need these wings.”
“You are not free, for you have fallen in love. And your wings that used to take you everywhere you wished, will turn you into a slave,” the god looked down.
“What do you mean?” Kai fell on his knees, and the pain of his body was bare to none compared to the one inside his chest.
None of the gods answered, and the deities started leaving. The marble floor was cold, the air was freezing, the surroundings were dark.
It was his beating heart, everything Kai could hear, and Soobin’s defeated body, everything he could see.
When the Ocean was chained to the waters' ground, the Moon’s shine was never the same. And the Air’s wings became a tool to help delivering messages.
“I’m here, Beomgyu-hyung!” the Air shouted. It was a desperate scream, that made his throat soar, and his voice lower, “I know you can’t come too near, but I am here,” he said in a whisper, flying near the water.
He stopped for a second. Even if the Ocean could never reply, he still waited for an answer sometimes. Kai had longed to hear his voice many times, just for once.
“Soobin-hyung misses you,” Kai continued, “I wonder if there is a day he doesn’t. He said he loves you. He hopes you don’t miss him tonight.”
Kai sighed. If he could’ve been able to dive into the water, to the bottom. If he could do it and see Beomgyu one last time, he would’ve done it.
“I miss you too. I know you laugh when the wind runs wild and waves form on the surface. I know you are happy when I come. But are you happy to see me or to hear what Soobin sent me to say?” The Air rubbed his eyes because tears were about to fall. “I like to think it is because of me, too.”
It had happened a long time ago, and Kai still felt the same wrenching pain in his chest when he stood near the surface of the ocean. Rippled and wind waves formed because of him, but did they mean anything?
Did the ripples mean Beomgyu knew he was close? Did the wind waves mean Beomgyu was happy? Did the Air make the Ocean dance with joy too?
“I’ll leave now, hyung, but I’ll come back tomorrow… Don’t let water get too heavy on you!” Kai let out a sad giggle. He hoped for Beomgyu to giggle too, down there wherever he was.
“I feel stupid for waiting too long. For talking to the void. But at least I don’t have to deal with the pain of hearing your voice telling me you don’t feel the same. I know you love Soobin-hyung. I know he loves you as well. But can you please love me too? Can I be important to you?” Kai reached the water, it had been something he avoided doing so for a long time, because if he touched it he would want to get drown in it, and get Beomgyu out.
And he wanted to drown.
“I’ve loved you for so long I have no idea what feels like not loving you, hyung. I’ve loved you for so long I don’t know how to love anyone else. My heart and mind are yours, even when yours aren’t mine.”
The god was right. Even with wings, Kai fell captive of himself and the love he held.
“It’s always been you, and ten million years from now, I’ll keep coming back to you. Here you’ll have me to make you company every night, to tell you silly stories for a while. To hear your waves crash, here I am.”
The water was slightly disturbed by the touch of Kai’s fingers, but it felt warm on his cold fingers. Kai wanted to be completely consumed by it.
The feelings were silent, invisible they floated like particles so small the human eye would've taken too long to catch. But they existed, strongly in the Air’s heart.