Work Text:
“The Council represents more races than I thought. No wonder they’re careful with newcomers.”
Shepard looked out over the ward arm, awe and fascination shining from her face as the lights of the buildings, skycars, and stars reflected in her eyes. Kaidan quickly looked away as he caught himself staring.
“They probably just want to keep everything running,” Kaidan reasoned. “It has to be hard keeping all these cultures working together.”
Ash quietly snorted. “Or maybe they just don’t like humans.”
Kaidan got ready to jump in with something diplomatic, but Shepard got there first.
“Why not? We’ve got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love…” Shepard said, smiling, as she looked back across the ward arms. Kaidan turned to look at her face in profile, etching the silhouette into his brain. “According to the old vids, we’ve got everything they want.”
From someone else, he might have thought it a sarcastic comment; frustrated, almost. But her tone seemed sincere, and her introspective smile made him think she was genuinely hopeful. That was… unexpected.
“When you put it that way,” he said, playfully, “there’s no reason they wouldn’t like you… I mean, us! Humans! … Ma’am…”
Shit! Shit shit shit shit shit! What had just tumbled out of his mouth? The bottom dropped out of his stomach as he looked over at Shepard, but his view was blocked by Ash, whose look of surprise quickly turned to mischievous glee. He speedily looked away in excruciating embarrassment.
“You don’t take much shore leave do you, LT?”
The mirth in Ashley's voice prompted him to screw his eyes shut, thoroughly humiliated and wishing he was literally anywhere else. It was that very specific feeling of self-loathing when the wrongness of something you’ve just said is wedged in your gut. What a complete and utter idiot! Had he honestly just implied, to his CO’s face, that he thought she was beautiful? He felt like a college freshman accidentally letting slip that he had a crush on his professor. To his professor. First, he activates some ancient beacon on Eden Prime, and she has to throw him out of the way, and now he admits he thinks she’s beautiful. He’ll be lucky if he’s not transferred off the Normandy by the end of the Citadel’s day cycle. Or worse, the butt of every joke made in the Normandy mess for the remainder of the mission. He can hear them now: Seems Alenko likes powerful women – surprised he hasn’t made a move on the Dalatrass; Is it just Shepard he’s interested in, or does he chase after anyone with a Star of Terra? What’s Alenko’s favourite sexual position? – CO.
“Alright, laugh it up, Chief,” Shepard said, ever so slightly admonishingly. She turned to Kaidan and he tried to read her expression and failed. Entirely neutral commander-face, but not without empathy.
“I appreciate the thought, Alenko, but we’re on duty here.”
“Aaa…” he paused. She appreciates the thought?! What did that mean?! She appreciates a compliment, or she appreciates a compliment from him? No, for god’s sake he needed to pull himself together and move on from this hiccup. He’d just mortified himself with a Freudian slip; this wasn’t the time to start reading into every word Shepard said. He needed a total reset. She wasn’t a romantic prospect; she was his boss. Mind on the mission, Lieutenant.
“Aye, aye, ma’am,” he managed to croak out, feeling a blush rising to his cheeks.
He heard Ash fighting back a laugh. “I’ll walk drag, ma’am.”
He opened his eyes to glare at her, but she just waggled her eyebrows in response. Thankfully Shepard didn’t see it, and didn’t respond to Ash’s jibe. He didn’t know if he’d expected her to. In their only real conversation so far, Shepard had been friendly and sincere, if a little… detached? Self-conscious of her new rank, perhaps? This had been her first time as an XO, and then promoted to CO almost immediately, so perhaps she wasn’t sure how familiar to be with her officers? Anderson hadn’t exactly been a stickler for protocol and rank, but he’d probably have chewed the Chief out for a comment like that. Perhaps Shepard found Kaidan's slip-up funny as well, but he suspected she just had a higher tolerance for a little off-topic chat than most commanding officers.
The Commander had already turned and was making her way across the walkway to the market area. She was striding purposefully, but not overly quickly. Her earlier comments about the Citadel seemed to imply that this was her first visit, and despite there being a job for them to do, she was still a tourist. He caught her turn to look at a group who were chatting near the entrance to a club: two elcor, two asari and a volus. It wasn’t a stare; just a curious glance. Interested in alien culture then? Or simply not been around so many different races before?
He was pulled out of his musings by the sound of giggling over his left shoulder, and he turned to see Ash’s grinning face shaking back and forth.
Kaidan’s face flushed an even deeper scarlet. He’d been staring again, and now that Ash was on to him, he needed to get it together.
No! Not ‘on to him’. There was nothing to be ‘on to’. He didn’t have a crush on Shepard. He was 32; he didn’t have inappropriate crushes like a 20-year-old. He was just dispassionately interested in an interesting person. It made sense to learn as much as you could about your CO, right? It would help him work with her on the battlefield; be able to anticipate her movements. And knowing something about her background and values would allow him to anticipate what she’d likely prioritise, what advice she’d appreciate, how he could best support her…
So far, she’d been a little difficult to read. Anderson had been an open book; his service history told the story of a driven soldier and born leader. Beloved by those under his command, and promoted steadily through hard work and frequent commendations. He kept an appropriate, professional distance from the rest of the crew; didn’t give personal details but radiated a warmth and genuine friendliness that made you feel like you knew him. He made his expectations of the crew very clear and was a straight-shooter. Clearly not a political man. A soldier’s soldier.
But Shepard… he couldn’t tell yet. She’d been round the ship talking to everyone already; learnt names; checked on everyone after Eden Prime. So, caring then. But she also hadn’t really said anything about herself, and her demeanour was entirely unreadable. Not stony; certainly not icy, but not exactly open either.
He’d looked up her service history when he’d joined the Normandy, since he wanted to know who he was working for. Unlike Anderson’s, hers was a little harder to decipher. She’d joined the Alliance early, excelled in combat training, had a number of commendations from various high-profile missions: she'd kept her CO alive during a raid on a red-sand smuggling base out in the Terminus; single-handedly held off the smugglers until the extraction team could make it to them. It’s the sort of stuff the Alliance made a big song and dance about; they obviously had after her heroics on Elysium. But this earlier heroic moment seemed to have slipped under the radar. Maybe Shepard hadn’t wanted to be made the centre of a media circus? It would have taken a strong will to have denied the Alliance’s media department a new poster girl. The thought made him smirk.
“Seriously, LT?” Ash whispered. “You made it about five minutes there before you got that goofy heart-eyes look again. I feel bad teasing you about it; it’s too easy to be fun.”
He gave her a look he hoped was serious and annoyed enough to put an end to it. He was technically her superior officer, after all. She didn’t seem deterred though, meeting his look head on with a satisfied smirk.
Had he really gone back to thinking about Shepard so quickly? Maybe Ashley had a point. Shit. This was bad.
While he’d been in his head trying to rationalise his now undeniable fascination with his CO, Kaidan hadn’t noticed that they’d made a detour past the group of aliens and up towards the club: ‘Flux’, the sign read. The sound of bass and chat reached them from down the corridor, but not too loud. It seemed that this early in the day it was mostly gamblers and drinkers rather than the partying crowd.
They made it through the doorway into a fairly small bar area. Shepard started looking around, then stopped as her eyes lighted on the bartender who was waving her over. Kaidan and Ash held back by the doors; there was little fear of a fight breaking out somewhere as public as this, and stomping around a bar in full combat armour toting several different guns apiece didn’t tend to make the punters comfortable. A few had already given them some looks ranging from mildly curious to extremely worried.
“So, this is an interesting development.”
Ash was looking at him and smiling, but not unkindly. He crossed his arms, then uncrossed them, fidgeting with them at his sides before deciding to cross them again. This topic didn’t need to make him feel nervous; he just needed to convince the Chief that it had been a simple slip-of-the-tongue, and they could move on and away from his humiliation.
Ash leaned in conspiratorially. “For what it’s worth, I think you two would be cute together. And your kids would be gorgeous!”
He groaned, and put his hand to his forehead. He could feel a headache coming on.
“It’s not… I don’t... I mean...”
Ashley raised an eyebrow and gave him a pointed look. “Hmmm, sure.”
Kaidan sighed. “Buy you a drink if you promise not to tell anyone on the Normandy about my foot-in-mouth disease.”
“Oooo, I don’t know about that, LT. I might need to be a pretty fancy cocktail to buy my silence.”
“Worth it.”
It would have to wait for another time though, as Shepard was making her way back to them at the doors. They followed along behind her as they made their way back down the corridor.
“We need to drop by a club called Chora's Den after we’re done with Chorban,” she sighed. “The bartender’s sister is a C-Sec informant, and it looks like she might be in trouble. It’ll give us a chance to drop in on this ‘Fist’ character as well.”
“Aye, aye, ma’am,” Ash and Kaidan replied in unison.
They approached the far end of the walkway and started making their way across the upper market. If their informant was correct, Chorban should be in the lower market. They had no idea what to expect, but he could well be armed and dangerous. Kaidan didn’t like meeting in such a public and crowded place, but he trusted Shepard’s judgement that she could fix this with diplomacy. As they peeled their way through the crowd, Kaidan clocked someone at the top of the stairs looking in their direction. Human, male, possibly in his late 40s, and eyes fixed on Shepard. Kaidan put his hand on his sidearm.
“Wow! It’s you!”
The man waved and took a step forward, partially blocking their way down the stairs. Shepard’s shoulders tensed, but she walked over to the man without taking a defensive posture. Kaidan’s hand remained on his pistol.
“You’re Commander Shepard!” the man said, in a voice dripping in sycophantic joy. “The hero of Eden Prime! I am so honoured to meet you!”
“Nice to meet you.” Shepard shook the man’s hand firmly, a slightly forced smile on her face but a friendly tone to her voice. Kaidan guessed this wasn’t the first time this had happened, considering how high-profile she was. “And you are…?”
“My name is Conrad. Conrad Verner. They say you killed more than a hundred geth on Eden Prime!”
The man didn’t seem like a threat, and Kaidan relaxed a little, but he didn’t like the desperation in his voice, or the dark feeling of dislike he immediately felt for this man.
Shepard shrugged. “I spent most of the time trying to stay alive and help the colonists.”
Conrad nodded, but in that way that makes it seem like you didn’t hear anything the person just said. Kaidan glanced at the time on his omnitool. This wasn’t really a distraction they needed just before they walked into what could be a firefight.
“Hey, I know you’re pretty busy,” Conrad said, “but do you have time for a quick autograph?”
Shepard seemed a little embarrassed, as a slight blush coloured the side of her cheek. Her skin was already a warm coffee-colour, but with the blush she looked… stunning.
Ash leaned in close enough to whisper without the Commander overhearing. “How does it feel to see the competition. For my money, I think you probably have the edge.”
Kaidan turned his shocked intake of breath into a cough, and looked daggers at Ashley. Again. But then, she’d also got him pegged: he had felt the tiniest spark of jealousy. What was happening to him?!
Shepard had just finished signing the datapad that Conrad had pressed into her hands, and handed it back with a smile.
“Anything for a fan. Here.”
“Thanks,” Conrad said, his eyes out on stalks as he stared at the datapad. “I really appreciate it. My… wife is going to be so impressed.”
Ash rolled her eyes.
“I’ll let you get back to work, but next time you’re on Earth, I’d love to buy you a drink. Thanks again!”
Kaidan followed the Commander towards the stairs down to the lower markets, as Conrad walked in the other direction. Ash was typing something on her omnitool, and Kaidan got the ping of a message a moment later.
Figure you’re going to be that guy in 20 years?
Kaidan swung from feeling angry to simply contrite. Kicking up a fuss about a joke was never a good look, particularly if you wanted the joke to go away. And it needed to go away, because if it had been so immediately obvious to Ashley every time he’d unconsciously stared at the Commander, the others were going to see it to; especially if they were primed to look for it. This couldn’t go further than Ash.
He doesn’t have my bone structure.
The Chief barked a little laugh, and Shepard gave her a curious glance, but they continued walking in silence.
As they rounded the corner and entered the lower markets, they could see Chorban up ahead, flanked by some heavily-armed salarian bodyguards. Shepard walked up to him with that same purposeful march, seemingly unperturbed by the heavies. Ash had unholstered her rifle, and was holding it across her body, and Kaidan created a weak biotic barrier around himself, just to let the goons know what they were up against if they decided to attack. They both looked considerably more nervous after taking in Kaidan and Ashley’s preparations.
Shepard was listening to Chorban and asking pointed questions, trying to calmly get to the bottom of what sounded like a ridiculous miscommunication got completely out of hand. She was so direct, authoritative, but not pushy or intimidating. Chorban spilled his guts.
Before Kaidan could really process what was being said, Shepard was already moving away and towards the elevator back up to the Presidium, but as she walked past Kaidan she caught him dropping his biotic barrier and did a little double-take. Odd; she’d seen him use his biotics several times on Eden Prime, but perhaps not that close. He knew his usually hazel eyes turned blue when he used his biotics, so maybe that’s what she’d seen. Her eyes had met his and flown wide before she'd quickly looked away.
As they entered the elevator, she turned around as he walked in, and again she met his eyes and then snapped away. Was that… embarrassment? She was blushing, and it had been several minutes since the autograph incident, so it didn’t seem likely that it was still from that. What was she thinking about?
As the elevator doors closed, Kaidan’s mind was whirring away at light speed. He recalled how she’d got slightly flustered when speaking to him in the med-bay after Eden Prime. After he’d said he carried her back to the ship. No, he shouldn’t read too much into it. Indulging in some puppy-love fantasy about his CO couldn’t lead anywhere good. He got another ping on his omnitool.
Hmmm. Seems you’re not the only one nursing a crush, LT.
As he looked at Ashley, she shrugged and nodded towards Shepard’s back, as she was awkwardly crossing and uncrossing her arms. A reflex he knew well.
It threw a tiny piece of kindling onto the flame he’d spent the last half an hour or so trying to starve of oxygen. He was going to need to buy Ash an insane number of cocktails to get her to keep all this quiet… but the idea that there was something to keep quiet, something real, made his stomach do a backflip.
“Disgusting,” Ash whispered, but this time he didn’t object, he just smiled a little bit wider.
Yup, a shitload of cocktails.