Chapter Text
It had only been a few days since the failed training simulation. The team where still reeling from the aftermath but the scheduled sessions with Dinah were helping.
M'gann had worked through her guilt from the incident and had opened up to Dinah about her past trauma from the racism she faced on Mars as a white Martian. Kaldur had opened up about his home life in Atlantis, his awkward relationships and his home sickness. Connor talked to Dinah about his less than ideal relationship with Superman, and the expectations he held for himself. After so many training sessions and lessons he was comfortable speaking to Dinah. Even Artemis spoke about her childhood and home life, having opened up to the team about her relations with Sports Master and Cheshire after the incident in Bialya (I mean how else was she going to explain why she's wanted to kill Wally in the desert) and Wally was, well, Wally. He's started their sessions mostly joking and avoiding difficult topics but Black Canary had found a way to get through to him and soon they where having honest conversations. As a result of the honesty with Dinah the team had become more open with each other and were closer than they'd ever been. Except for one person.
Robin.
The team where standing in the mission room, though they had been taken off missions for at least a few more days, everyone thought it best to wait a while before sending the team back out, so Batman and Black Canary stood at the front of the room walking them through the training scenario, no simulations this time.
"For this exercise you'll be split into two teams" Batman spoke in his usual gruff voice "Kaldur will lead team one" The Atlantian nodded stepping slightly in front of the group to take the leadership position. Batman nodded to him then continued "Robin will lead team two"
"Awesome!" Wally said in his overly cheerful voice "dibs on Robs team! Er, no offense Kal"
"None taken" the Atlantian smiled
"Teams will be assigned by me" Batman spoke "Now Robin you will be…" Batman stopped suddenly, eyes falling on his protege. He was staring at the ground and didn't seem to acknowledge his role in the training session.
"Uh, dude," Wally said nudging Robin in the ribs "Bats just declared you leader, I mean I know it's a training exercise but aren't you at least a little excited?"
"I… I can't" Robin spoke quietly. A look of concern flashed on Batman's face before it quickly turned to his usual poker face and he spoke
"Robin…"
"I can't do it!" Robin yelled startling the group "last time I lead, they… they all died!"
"That was a simulation designed to fail, you can't seriously blame yourself for that?" Artemis spoke, slightly harsher than she meant to, they'd all blamed themselves right after it happened, but Robin didn't acknowledge her, as his hands flew to his hair pulling at it with his fists, and his legs fell beneath him dropping him to his knees
"I can't watch them die again," he rambled to himself as tears started falling from his face "I let them die I… I let them fall I can't…"
The team stood frozen in place, shocked by their youngest members sudden breakdown, unsure of what to do. Wally felt tears well up in his own eyes seeing his best friend like this. Wait, had Rob said 'let them fall' no he couldn't still be blaming himself for that, he couldn't…
"Everyone out." Batmans voice startled the group and brought wally out of his thoughts. The team remained where they where, eyes fixed on the youngest member, faces wearing various shades of concern, guilt and sadness
"But…" Wally started gesturing to his friend on the floor
"Now." Batman growled. Black Canary quickly ushered the team out of the room despite protest from Wally and M'gann who wanted to help, leaving Robin on the floor as his mentor kneeled down in front of him.
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"Okay what just happened!" Artemis broke the silence as they followed Black Canary to the lounge.
"I'm afraid I do not know" Kaldur answered
"Do you think Robin will be okay?" M'gann asked. Connor didn't say anything but he placed a reassuring arm around her that she gladly curled into as they all sat, slightly dumbfounded, on the couch.
"Okay I know that was… a lot," Black Canary broke the silence again, "But Robin is with Batman right now. He will be fine" she said trying to downplay the worry in her voice.
"I thought we where all getting over this? Your meant to be our "councilor" why aren't you helping him with this?!" Connor yelled
"Connor!" M'gann gasped
"It's okay" Dinah spoke calmly. She faced Connor as she spoke "Healing is not a linear process, you know this."
"Yeah, especially when your not able to talk about most of your life openly" Wally said his arms crossed, glaring at the floor.
"What do you mean" asked Artemis
"Uh, hello Artemis!" Wally said sarcastically not caring if his tone was harsh "Do you think it's easy hiding your civilian identity from your closest friends."
"Oh gee, I wouldn't know" Artemis matched his tone.
"Well that's different, at least when you were off duty you got to be yourself" Wally's voice softened "Rob has to keep his two identies separate, don't you think that's hard? Did you even hear what he said out there?" It was a stupid question. Of course they heard what Robin had said. But only Wally knew what the words meant to Dick Grayson. As far as he knew not even Dinah was in the know of the dynamic duo's secret identities. Wally sighed "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you. And I shouldn't be talking about Rob's identity anyway, I'm sorry."
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"I'm sorry! I'm sorry" Robin cried, hands still clenched in his hair "I didn't mean to let them die."
Batman kneeled infront of his protege, no, Bruce kneeled infront of his son. He placed a cautious hand on the young boys back.
"You have to breathe, Chum. It's okay. I'm here" His voice fell inbetween Batman and Bruce's usual voices. Slightly softer than how Batman usually spoke. "It's okay."
Robin heaved a sob "I… I can't do it Bruce."
"That's okay. You don't have to be leader."
"No, no I mean," he tried to calm his breathing but it was still coming in smothered gasps "I can't keep being them separately,"
Bruce waited patiently for Robin, Dick, to elaborate, as he kept rubbing circles on the boys back.
"When I thought the team had died..." He started again, his breathing steady but tears still trailing down his face "Even when I knew that they where alive, that it was all pretend I couldn't... I couldn't get the idea out of my head. I kept seeing my parents bodies ly…lying there."
So that's what this was about. Of course Robin was upset, he'd just gone through unimaginable trauma but what was worse is it triggered Dick Grayson's own unimaginable trauma. The one he couldn't tell the team or Dinah about.
"Bruce I… I can't keep pretending that part of me doesn't exist when I'm with the team" his eyes remained focused on the floor.
"It's okay" Bruce said, his voice now fully his own with no trace of that of the masked crusader "Our identities are to keep us safe, to keep you safe, but if causing you to feel this way we can figure it out, Chum" Bruce gave his son a reassuring smile "We can tell Dinah, and the team. I think they've earned our trust."
"Really?" Robin asked looking up to meet his mentors eyes
"Really."
"So I don't have to keep doing a stupid New Jersey accent?" He half laughed and half sobbed.
Bruce let out a small chuckle.
"No, no stupid New Jersey accents. Now what do you say we go home and discuss how to go about telling the team over some of Alfred's bat cookies?"
"Thanks Bruce" he said wiping his eyes as they walked towards the Zeta tubes
"Recognized: Batman, 02. Robin B01"