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"We pull our boots on with both hands
but we can’t punch ourselves awake and all I can do
is stand on the curb and say Sorry
about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine.
I couldn’t get the boy to kill me, but I wore his jacket for the longest time."
Richard Siken
The Bastard of the Barrel had learned how to stir fear in the hearts of many. He threw on his coat like armor, but his gloves were the real protection.
Every rat and pigeon in Ketterdam might be learning to quake at the sound of his cane tap-tapping along the cobblestones but they didn't realize how much of the mythos was built for survival.
He didn't grow up wanting to be feared, but he soon learned that in order to survive on the streets it was a necessity.
---
When Jesper, Inej, and Kaz returned to the Crow Club mostly empty handed there were whispers. It wasn't a total botch, there were a few fresh stacks of kruge in the safe, but nowhere near the supposed mythical haul that sent Dirtyhands and the Dregs best thief, and sharpshooter across The Fold.
The gossip was flying fast.
The job was stolen from under Pekka Rollins, the job sent them across The Fold.
Half of Ketterdam scoffed and said the young thief lord had gotten in over his head on this side of The Fold, the other half claimed they saw Kaz Brekker walk out of The Fold with a Volcra's head on his back.
The fact that the truth was somewhere in the middle didn't matter much to anybody and the rumors would only help Kaz in the long run so he kept his mouth shut as did Jesper and Inej.
Per Haskell would be displeased of course. The necklace Alina Starkoff had given them was worth a few thousand kruge in the end. But Kaz would be able to placate the old man by giving up his share.
He wouldn't tell Inej or Jesper that when he gave them their cut.
He wouldn't say much at all.
The first thing he did when he got back to Ketterdam was pry one of fattest diamonds off the necklace. It was too recognizable to be sold as a whole piece, but all the gold and jewels on their own were worth plenty. So with that diamond in his pocket he made his way to the Menagerie, knowing that Inej was somewhere on the rooftops above, following his path.
They hadn't spoken much since they got off the ship but he could feel her eyes on him.
He had wanted to give her some assurance. Some reason to choose to stay with them. But he knew too well that he had very little to offer.
He had admitted that Alina Starkoff's powers were true. It wasn't a matter of faith, but of reality. That was all he could give her.
That and her freedom.
As he stepped up to the entrance of the Menagerie, he felt Inej's presence behind him.
He paused, not turning around.
"You're really doing this Kaz?" she asked, her voice soft compared to the noise of the city around them.
"I gave you my word," he said, glancing back over his shoulder, "The deal is the deal."
She swallowed once and nodded.
He wanted to ask her...he wasn't sure what he wanted to ask but they both stood there...hesitating on the edge of something.
Finally he tapped his cane on the stones beneath their feet. Two sharp taps and turned. She could follow him or stay behind.
Of course she followed.
---
In Tante Heleen's office Inej haunted the edges of the doorway. She wasn't hiding but she kept her distance as Kaz stepped forward to meet the woman's amused stare.
"I see you've come to return my property?" She asked, her eyes drifting over Inej where she stood in the doorway. She raised a finger to beckon her forward and Inej stayed rooted to her spot. Her jaw tightening.
Her hand flexed behind her back, she wanted to be holding a knife, but Heleen's guards might have taken issue with that.
When she didn't move, Heleen frowned, irritation flicking across her brow before it slid away like oil on water. She smiled at Kaz.
"Well Brekker, what business?"
He placed the gem on her desk and her brows lifted at the sight of it.
"What's this?"
"Payment. This will cover the cost of The Wraith's indenture."
Inej felt her own brows lift at the sound of the name. She liked it though, it sounded dangerous.
Heleen's smile widened. A mix of greed and malice.
"We'll see about that Brekker," she said as she picked up the gem and lifted a finger for one of her guards to take it to be tested.
Kaz flicked his cane out sideways to block the guards approach.
"The gem is real, and more than covers the cost."
Heleen looked like she wanted to object but she hid that away too and sat down, holding the gem up to the light.
"Do you know how much this girl has cost me Brekker?"
Kaz sat down too, never once looking back at Inej. She wondered at his expression as she stared at his back, but she could imagine his dark eyes full of danger. His mouth a hard line.
"Either way, I will be taking back my collateral."
Inej startled but Heleen just laughed.
"Always straight to the point with you," she said and sighed.
"What a shame, I do love a new acquisition."
She handed back an envelope with a broken wax seal and Kaz pocketed it.
"Now, show me her indenture papers."
"That's presumptuous," Heleen said.
"If I'm paying for the indenture, I would like to see the cost," Kaz said. His voice was soft but still had that sandpaper edge.
"Fine, lets talk numbers," Heleen said and handed over another paper. Inej was too far away to read it but she saw the way Kaz's shoulders tightened minutely. She saw the way his gloved hand gripped the paper tight enough to make the edges begin to fold.
"As I said, your little Suli girl has cost me quite a fortune."
Neither of them spoke for several minutes as Kaz seemed to be looking over the sheet. Finally he folded it up in quick, casual movements. His hands were so graceful even if he handled the paper like it stank.
He reached into his pocket as he spoke, his voice still calm and easy. "That diamond should cover more than half. This should cover the rest," he pulled a smaller gem from his pocket and placed it on the desk.
"This is my final offer, take it or leave it."
"I don't like ultimatums Brekker," Heleen said with the hint of a snarl. That edge which made Inej's skin crawl.
"And I don't like you pretending I'm some pidgeon fresh off the boat in Ketterdam, you know what these are worth." he put a hand over the diamond on her desk.
"So take it or leave it."
Kaz could have offered her the gold of that necklace, but he was smart to choose the diamonds. Heleen loved diamonds, she thought they made her appear grand as a merchant.
Heleen looked at the diamond in her hand and the one her desk. And then she looked at Inej.
Her stare was cold and cruel and felt like needles on Inej's skin. It felt like every time she had been slapped and thrown and starved. It felt like every night she spent on her back with her soul miles away from her body.
Still, Inej forced herself to meet that gaze with her chin held high. Her hands were clenched behind her back but she refused to let Heleen see anything other than the hardened thief who was about to have a profitable career with the Dregs.
Finally Heleen let out a small exhale through her teeth like a hiss.
"Fine. The deal is the deal."
Kaz released the second diamond and shook her hand.
"The deal is the deal," his voice was rough, but unwavering.
Then he turned to leave and didn't even look at Inej as he passed through the doorway. Of course Inej didn't need a signal to leave this place. She simply turned and followed him, a small smile on her lips.
The look of dissatisfaction on Heleen's face as she turned to leave would be enough to keep her in good health and spirits for weeks.
---
Kaz knew Inej would follow him back to The Slat. Which was good, it gave him time to shake off his anger.
Tante Heleen was just one of many soulless bits of filth in Ketterdam. No worse than a dozen other barrel bosses and pleasure house owners. Still, he knew Inej was afraid of her and that made him angry.
Even if he wanted all of Ketterdam to be afraid of him, something about the way Inej shivered as they entered the Menagerie made his throat tighten. It was a cold sort of comfort to know she was free of that parasite, but a comfort all the same. Just like every other poor soul in the barrel, comforts were few and they usually came cold.
It just took him a few streets before he thought he should speak without breaking something. Bartering for the girl's life, while she stood just a few paces behind him was no filthier than a hundred other things he'd done but it set his teeth on edge.
When he finally turned and saw the look on her face, a mix of terror, relief, and something else, it almost burned him.
He couldn't meet that stare yet so he kept walking, knowing both of them were eager to leave the Menagerie behind.
Neither of them spoke as they returned to the street. Inej slipped away to the rooftops and Kaz made his way on the ground.
He felt of a measure of relief when The Slat was in sight. Its dirty, misshapen halls a welcome sight.
Tomorrow he would pawn off the rest of the gold and jewels from that necklace. It would be a meager sum compared to a million kruge but it would have to do.
Tomorrow he would deal with Per Haskell, but his leg ached fiercely but the walk and from the last week's worth of exertion. So when he entered the Slat he ignored the greetings and headed straight for the stairs.
Inej was waiting in his room. Standing by the open window like a shadow.
He shut the door and nodded to her once.
"...Kaz I--" he cut her off by shoving the indenture papers into her hands.
He stepped back and watched as her eyes took in the numbers, the cruel, cold calculations of Tante Heleen.
"This...I never could have paid this off," she whispered, "Saints,"
"I'll admit, I didn't expect her accounting to be quite that..." he paused, searching for the word, "...crooked."
Inej muttered something under her breath and Kaz was willing to bet it was a curse in Suli.
And that could have been it. He wouldn't have to say much to make her leave. She never overstayed her welcome.
But he wanted her to stay. Without a word he turned and headed for the sink, his cane sounding too loud in the silence as it tapped the wood.
When he reached the sink he rested the cane against the wall and he knew Inej was watching him now.
This was purposeful.
He took off his gloves slowly, gently tugging at each fingertip until the fabric slid smoothly off his hand. Inej didn't make a sound but he knew she had taken a step towards him.
The other glove came off in the same methodical fashion and he turned on the tap and began to wash both hands. It was practical, the gloves made his palms sweat, and he hated the smell of it.
It reminded him of the water. Of the death smell.
But he had never let Inej see this part of his nightly ritual. It was a risk. One he wasn't sure he was willing to take until he saw that look in her eyes in Tante Heleen's office.
It was open and exposed.
Letting Inej see a crack in the façade he was building was risky.
But he made himself calmly wash the sweat from his skin and dry his hands on a cloth towel before he turned to face her.
Her eyes were wide, staring at his hands. He held them up so she could see. They were plain hands, not much to look at beyond the ropey scar on his left hand.
"Have you seen your fill?" he asked, caustic and sarcastic.
This was all he could offer her, a glimpse of something real but nothing more.
"Thank you Kaz," she said softly.
"For what?" he scoffed as he turned away and picked up his cane.
"My freedom," she whispered.
He rubbed his thumb over the beak of the crows head on the cane.
"You know as well as I do you're still not free Inej, you belong to the Dregs now." It was a hard truth and also a lie. He wouldn't hold her to the indenture. If she left tomorrow he wouldn't stop her.
"But you're not going to lock me in my room at night, you're not going to beat me for..." There was that softness in her voice. It sounded painfully like hope. And he kept telling her how dangerous hope was. Better to stomp it out than be crushed beneath it.
"You're free to do as you please, but when I call for you, when I ask you to kill for me..." He looked at her now, wanting her to see what he was asking of her. He phrased it like a demand but in his heart he knew he would not make her do things she didn't want to do.
He was surprised by the steel in her gaze when she replied, "I'll do it."
That got a little smile out of him. The smallest quirk of his lips that slipped out before he could stop it. He knew she saw it even as he smoothed it away with an ungloved hand.
"Good, than get a good night's sleep. Tomorrow, we've got work to do."
---
That night Inej lie awake in her room in the Slat feeling the taste of freedom on her lips. It was a flighty thing, a beat of a crows wing.
It was as dangerous as a knife's blade and a boys small smile that was smoothed away far too quickly.
Inej knew two things with a certainty that was painful.
1. Tomorrow she would begin doing the dirty work of the Dregs. Not because she wanted to but because she owed it to them. It would be rough work, and she hoped her Saints would forgive her for it.
2. Kaz Brekker would be the death of her.