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Jaskier was having the time of his life. Travelling with Eskel now that they had both confessed their feelings to each other was the best thing he had ever experienced. He spent the days laughing and singing, and every night he drifted off cradled in Eskel’s warm embrace. Things between them were almost perfect.
Almost.
He could tell that sometimes Eskel still had his doubts. His lover would get a look in his eyes that Jaskier knew meant he was questioning what Jaskier saw in him. It broke his heart every time. There were some days when Eskel hesitated before reaching out to him. Whenever it happened Jaskier made sure to always reach back, to reach first, with a promise he would always be there.
There was a particularly bad night after they stayed in a remarkably intolerant town where things came to a head. A group of religious townsfolk sent Eskel on a wild goose chase through the forest after a fake monster while they kidnapped Jaskier to “rescue him from the clutches of the beast.” Jaskier had been livid. The zealots thought he was delusional or brainwashed so they locked him in the basement of their temple and refused to let him out until he could be “rid of the evil influence.” Jaskier had had to wiggle through a small milk door to escape. He found Eskel just in time to hear the abuse showered on the Witcher before the two of them were run out of town.
Eskel had been quiet on their way from the town and was uncharacteristically withdrawn while they made camp. Once they finished eating and the sounds of night in the forest wafted through their still camp, Jaskier moved to lean his chest against Eskel’s broad back.
“They didn’t know any better.” Jaskier said softly. “They’ve been taught to hate anything that they don’t understand, and they were wrong. Don’t take their words to heart, my beloved.”
“Not all of it was wrong.” Eskel answered.
Jaskier kissed the back of his neck. “Which part do you mean? Because I only heard the most outrageous falsehoods.”
Eskel turned to face him. His expression was shuttered and blank, and Jaskier’s heart broke to see it. “They said you’d be safer away from me, and you know that’s true.”
“Don’t you dare tell me I should agree with anything those hateful swamp dwellers said. There is no safer place for me than by your side, and I refuse to leave it.”
“Why? I’m only going to hurt you.” said Eskel, tracing the scar from his armour that had never faded from Jaskier’s forehead.
Jaskier took his hand and kissed the back of it. “No, you won’t. You’re going to bring me so much happiness and love. I know you too well to think you’d ever willingly hurt me. I might still get hurt, we lead dangerous lives, but it’s the life I chose and it would never be your fault. The only way you could hurt me is by leaving me behind.”
Eskel sighed. Jaskier let the conversation die off, knowing that Eskel was feeling too raw to listen right now. This mood would pass, and when it did, Jaskier would be there with arms wide open.
Eskel was barely back to his usual good cheer when they somehow ended up in an even more bigoted town. They could tell the people were unhappy to have a Witcher among them, but this time there really was a monster in the wooded areas surrounding yet more swamp. Eskel had gone off in search of it the day before, and still hadn’t returned.
Jaskier paced in their rented room. Eskel’s hunt shouldn’t be taking this long. He wanted to go find him, but he didn’t even know which direction his Witcher had gone. He can’t go wandering in the dark and hope to stumble upon him, that had not ended well for him the last time he tried it.
At first light, Jaskier goes in search of the town’s Alderman. Their bags were packed and stored on his horse so that he would be able to leave as soon as he knew where to find Eskel.
There was a puddle of blood and ichor by the door to the Alderman’s house. Eskel must have been here, must have dropped off a trophy, but hadn’t come back to the room after. That was a worrying thought.
Jaskier pounded on the door until it opened for him. The Alderman’s wife, who worked as the town’s healer, opened the door.
“Is everything alright?” she asked.
“I came here with the Witcher yesterday and -”
“Oh you poor dear!” the healer interrupted, “Come in, come in!”
Alarmed, Jaskier followed her into a back room that looked like it was used to examine the town’s sick and injured. Various jars and bottles lined the walls and dried herbs hung from the ceiling. There was a narrow bed in the back, but no occupants in the room.
Before Jaskier could ask about Eskel, the healer guided him into a chair and asked, “Are you hurt dear? I can help you.”
“I’m not hurt, I just need to know where Eskel is, he didn’t come back last night.”
“He’s not here.” said a loud male voice. Jaskier looked past the healer to see the Alderman in the doorway. “And he won’t be coming back again.”
An icy chill travelled down Jaskier’s spine. “What do you mean? Is he hurt?”
“You’re safe now. You never have to see him again.” the healer said, trying to place a hand on his cheek. And fuck all of that, he had to get away from whatever was going on here, but he had to know what happened to his lover first.
“Don’t worry, if he wasn’t hurt before, he will be once the boys at the Marauder's camp catch up to him. There’s still one monster in these woods and we’ve offered pay to whoever can kill it.”
“Someone please explain what’s going on.” Jaskier said, barely able to keep the fear and anger out of his voice.
The Alderman shrugged. “Witchers ain’t welcome here, but the king will reimburse us if we have to hire one. So I thought, why not kill two birds with one stone, eh? We needed that creature in the forest gone so we called for a Witcher. We need the Witcher gone, I can get people to solve that problem too. They’re unnatural beasts and no one would look twice if some bandits took it out. Injured after a fight with a big fat coin purse, it’d be asking for it. No one needs to know the bandits got the money from me and not off the corpse. And everyone lives happily ever after!”
Jaskier was seething. The gall of this man to casually admit to hurting the kindest and most honourable man he knew. “Why didn’t you just get the bandits to kill the cockatrice then? Not have to deal with a Witcher at all?”
“Nah, king won’t pay for bandits, even if we do get a head to show for it. Plus those Marauders couldn’t give a tripe about the cocka-whatsit, it isn’t their sheep it’s eating.”
Jaskier decided it was no use pointing out the irony that the town clearly needed the Witcher the Alderman had just set killers on.
“Don’t worry,” the healer said, “You’re free from him now. We’ll help you get on your feet again.”
Forcing a smile through his rage, Jaskier pretended to be relieved. He told the hateful family he would gladly stay a few days, he just needed to get something off his horse.
Jaskier wanted to burn their house down with them in it, but he needed to get out and get to Eskel as soon as possible. Arguing any longer would only delay him. As soon as he is within arm's reach of his horse, he has her untied and ready to leave.
The town soon disappeared behind him. He dithered for a moment over which way to go, the bastards back in Lurtch hadn’t told him which direction Eskel went, but Jaskier didn’t have time to sit around and find out. He recalls the basic survival skills Geralt taught him years ago, and hoped Eskel would think the same way: retrace your steps if you know them, or wait where you are if someone knows to look for you. Jaskier turns back to where they’d camped before arriving in town.
He knows he made the right choice when he sees the smoke.
Jaskier led his horse off the road and onto the trail he’d followed a few days prior. As he neared their campsite he saw blood and signs of fighting. Heart in his throat, Jaskier followed the trail of violence towards the river. The smoke got denser and the smell of burning flesh choked him, but he kept going. He found Scorpion pawing nervously at the ground so he dismounted and tied both horses to a nearby tree. He took the bag of medical supplies and continued on foot. The woods were too quiet, no sounds of fighting reached him through the haze.
The trees thinned out the closer Jaskier got to the river. He spotted Eskel as soon as he cleared the last trees. The Witcher was in a clearing by the water, kneeling beside a pile of burning bodies.
Eskel didn’t react as Jaskier approached. His expression stayed blank and empty as Jaskier hurriedly examined him for injuries and bandaged what he could. There was a truly nasty gash to his calf that probably needed more attention, They mount their horses and ride in silence.
It isn’t until they finish making camp, Eskel going through the motions mechanically, that Jaskier breaks the silence. He knows Eskel needs space after what had just happened, but his lover is distressed and Jaskier can’t take it.
“I think we should get out of Velen.” he said, “We haven’t been getting warm welcomes lately.”
Eskel stared into the forest. He answered in a soft monotone. “You should go somewhere safer.”
“ We should go somewhere safer.” Jaskier corrected.
“You’re not safe here.” Eskel said, still avoiding Jaskier’s eyes.
Jaskier moved to sit closer to his lover. Getting too close would spook the agitated Witcher, so Jaskier pressed forwards. Getting Eskel emotional would actually help solve the problem faster than letting it fester. He knew that no matter how upset Eskel was, he would never hurt Jaskier.
“I’m always safe with you, though,” He reached out to give a comforting touch.
As soon as Jaskier touched Eskel’s shoulder the Witcher shot to his feet and started pacing.
“How can you say that?! I killed them. I killed all of those people because I was angry and too hurt to stay in control. If I was faster and hadn’t gotten poisoned by that damned cockatrice I could have stopped them without killing them but I was too weak .”
“No.” Jaskier interrupted. “They were coming to kill you. They were paid to kill you, with the money you should have gotten from the contract from that ungrateful town. The alderman should have been helping, his wife is a damned healer! And instead he sent assassins after you. It is not your fault you had to defend yourself. There’s no point in saying you could have done better, I know you did what you could, even hurt and angry.”
“How do you know that? How can you trust that I won’t hurt you too?” Eskel turned on him with an expression Jaskier never wanted to see again.
“Eskel, you really think I would try to hurt you? That I would turn against you and become a threat? Try to kill you in your sleep?”
“What? Of course not! I know you would never hurt me.”
“Exactly. If you can tell the difference between the men who want to kill you and a man who loves you, then so can I. You only killed them because they were a threat and I will never be a threat to you. Even if I was, I don’t believe you could ever raise a hand against me, you are too good a man.” Eskel did no more than snort derisively so Jaskier continued, “Yes, you are! You didn’t hire assassins, you didn’t choose to accept payment for killing another person. You’re not even considering going back to get revenge on that cur of a mayor and I bet you’ve forgotten that you didn’t even get paid for killing the cockatrice. You are not a monster, you are not cruel and needlessly violent. You are a good man and I love you.”
This finally got through to Eskel. He bowed his head and allowed Jaskier to wrap him in a tight hug. “I love you too. It isn’t always easy to believe I deserve your love, but I’m trying.”
“I know you are,” said Jaskier, “and I’ll still love you whether you believe me or not. Just let me stay with you, don’t send me away because you think I’d be safer. I can make my own choices and I’ll choose you every time.”
“I want to keep you with me but I need to keep you safe.” Eskel whispered into his shoulder.
“You can do both. But it might be easier when we’re not in this shithole country.”
Eskel snorted a laugh. “Agreed. Fuck Velen. Let’s try Temaria next.”
“Deal!” said Jaskier, “Now, let me look at that leg. Do you still feel any poison?”
Eskel let Jaskier fuss over him. He kept the conversation light, knowing both of them were still rattled. But they had finally cleared the air on some of Eskel’s insecurities and that was always good progress.
They left Velen the next day.